WIP POST
Omg hi guys, im still kinda here. kinda? but yes im working on a few random fics, but in the mean time, have a long overdue WIP post of some stuff that has been floating around my computer~
for emberberry because she did a wip post and also because i love her~
Empty Line, bandfic
The first thing to go, are their phones. Dropped into a plastic box passed around at an afternoon meeting and taken away without a word. They all do it, some a little hesitant, others confused. Heechul drops it in with a raised eyebrow, thinking this is a joke or prank or maybe even a hidden camera. Hangeng isn't sure, doesn't even understand the order, but merely following because everyone else was doing it. He shifts in his seat and he catches Kyuhyun's eyes across the table and there's a dark look there that Hangeng doesn't like, because if Kyuhyun was angry...
What little humor there was in the room disappears completely as the minutes stretch on and the man with the box doesn't come back. Youngwoon is glaring a hole at the door through which their phones disappeared and Hyukjae and Donghae are fidgeting every few seconds. Sungmin looks scared and Jungsu is rubbing at his temples trying to make his migraine go away. Heechul is snarling by now, eyes narrowed dangerously and the only one relatively calm is Kibum, who sits there unmoving a look of deep apprehension over his face.
The next to go are the computers and this time it’s Kyuhyun who cracks. It must've happened when all of them were out; they'd come home to find the place stripped. Kyuhyun had thrown his bag against the wall, eyes blazing, lips pulled back over his teeth in a growl.
Save me, hangeng/heechul
they live through three lifetimes together, before heechul remembers hangeng’s name and another two before they fall in love.
he’s a priest, a waterboy, a court scribe, a poet, a prince. heechul’s been anything that’s ever been named, and several that hasn’t.
-
the sky’s crackling dark red and something explodes too close and the world quietens all of a sudden, even if the images before him turn increasingly violent. the bridge is burning, the blacksmith’s sign with its hammer and fire; the houses, the people. The city’s falling and heechul smiles, knowing hangeng was safe, far across the mountains with siwon.
(it hurts even if it shouldn't)
PURE, kyuhan, hanhae, hanhyuk, hanwook, hanteuk
Hankyung has the power to make people fall in love with him. It was simple and easy and it came to him as naturally as breathing. He was fated to capture people, to change them, to be wanted, to be desired, to make them lose themselves for him. He was meant to be loved, to be happy; to never have to desire without receiving, never to have to ache for love. It was his gift, his power, his destiny.
He was only eight when it first happened, a boy with scruffy knees and messy hair and dirt across his face. He runs around with the boys in the neighbourhood, tossing balls and playing hide and seek and peeking at the girl who lived in the pretty white house on the corner. The house has a neat, trimmed lawn and a polished oak door, and all the boys would hide behind the row of bushes near the house to see her as she comes out each afternoon, in white dresses with colourful bows and shiny black shoes. She is pretty, with large eyes and she looks exactly like a doll; she never speaks and she’s never interested in anything and she’s a mystery. Hankyung runs into her accidently, he’s fetching a badly thrown ball that lands on the perfectly trimmed grass and he’s thin so he can slip through easier and suddenly she’s there, all white frills and silk bows (green today he notices even as he tries not to look) and he almost bumps into her. Her eyes are wider than usual, shining and soft and she stares at him and she helps him up, wiping away the dirt on his face with her pure white handkerchief. She keeps staring until he runs off, her gaze following him all the way up the street. Hankyung had managed to capture her attention and it excited him in a way that made the blood rush through him.
That was the start, but he was too young to understand, to believe. He had just turned twelve when there was a dance at school and Hankyung is dared to take the prettiest girl in the school, the ice princess who never smiles and has turned down every single person to ever ask her out. He approached her awkwardly, all uncertain glances and trying to not sound too hopeless, managing to flash her a weak smile. She freezes and her eyes flicker and something changes and it was just like years ago, only this time it’s stronger and Hankyung becomes the talk of the school when he ends up taking Jessica to the dance, her arms wrapped tightly around his as they danced all night and she’s smiling and there’s not a trace of ice in her eyes, only fire and heat. She had changed because of him and he was exhilarated.
He gets a tutor a couple of years later, when he is almost 16, a slender, pretty man named Jungsu. They study mathematics, twice a week, the older man sitting beside him as they worked through the jumble of numbers and equations. Jungsu was not that much older than Hankyung and there was a sweetness and kindness that was always there in those eyes and even if Hankyung messed up the easiest questions, the other would just smile and slowly teach him how to work it out and Hankyung sometimes purposely did something wrong, just so Jungsu would lean closer and show him, because maybe, just maybe he had a tiny little crush. He gets a 98% on the exam and his parents are beaming as he rush upstairs to tell Jungsu. He throws his arms around the older man and giggles his happiness into the other’s neck. There’s something else in those eyes when they part and it’s so very different from the gentleness of the past; there’s desire there and Hankyung is reeling from the shock as Jungsu pushes him against the desk, the math books tumbling to the ground and they’re inches from each other and he knows that Jungsu wants him, even as the other manages to turn away at the last moment. It’s reckless and powerful and consuming and Hankyung starts to understand.
(They run into each other years later, when Jungsu is walking hand in hand with another man and they stare at each other, until Hankyung sees that something resurfacing in those eyes. He sees the ring on Jungsu’s finger and he walks away without a word. The want still burning in those eyes made him feel uncertain.)
Hankyung meets a boy called Hyukjae in the dance studios at school. Hankyung goes there every morning to practice and he dances his heart out in that small mirrored room and he doesn’t need to control his feelings and his desires and his wishes, because it’s just him and his reflection. Until one day, when he’s halfway through a pirouette, there’s suddenly a squeak as the door is pushed open and there’s a boy with wide eyes, staring at him and pulling him into a dance. They dance together and watch each other dance, in the mornings and late into the night. Hyukjae is funny and innocent and cute and they laugh over bottles of water and wet towels. The smaller man dances wonderfully and Hankyung is so glad to have someone to challenge him, to learn with, to grow alongside, that he forgets about himself, about what he can do and when he shows his new friend his favourite dance, he realizes too late what he has done when Hyukjae’s eyes glaze over and he grabs Hankyung mid-dance and presses a strong kiss onto his lips. There’s a tongue slipping into his mouth, when the other suddenly pulls back and stares at Hankyung with horror and apologies in his eyes. Hyukjae runs out and Hankyung never see him in the studio again. There was lust in those innocent eyes, and Hankyung feels dirty.
He learns to control it shortly after that, wielding it more precisely and delicately. He is careful, never going overboard, never pushing for too much. He gets drunk one day though, on the night of his graduation and the entire group is out dancing and partying. The alcohol has been flowing freely for hours and everyone was laughing, happy and crazy, the music pounding and Hankyung watches Heechul dance on a table and Ryeowook and Yesung cuddling in the corner. Siwon is trying to DJ and Hankyung lets Yunho and Junsu drag him into the middle of the dance floor. There are bodies everywhere and Hankyung lets people grind into him and he’s dancing like he’s never danced before, because it was okay to be free here, because that was what people were supposed to do. So he dances until there are dark eyes on him and he is flustered from the press of bodies and the heat all around. He stumbles back to the booth and he tilts his back and leans down on the seat. Hankyung doesn’t realize Ryeowook is there until he almost hits the other as he arches into a stretch. They talk and laugh and drink from the same bottle; sharing future aspirations and relationship history and hobbies and touches, because there’s a soft hand on his thigh and an even softer mouth on his neck. Hankyung doesn’t think he has ever heard that beautiful voice pitched so low and Hankyung is too drunk to do anything as the shy singer straddles Hankyung’s hips and there’s hands sliding under thin clothes when there’s the shattering of glass and they look up to see the horrified look on Yesung’s face. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, wasn’t who Ryeowook was and he sees the loss and confusion on the boy’s face and Hankyung is scared of what he can do.
It’s his first day in university and they are put into groups and Hankyung is pushed into a seat next to a boy with a wide, happy smile and sparkling eyes. They whisper to each other all the way through the lecture and make faces when the teacher turns his back. Hankyung lets Donghae drag him all the way through the campus, even though the other didn’t know it either and they get lost and end up eating the half sandwich Donghae finds in his bag. Hankyung likes Donghae and he knows they can be great buddies if he can just be careful. He’s careful to not get drunk or dance with him too close or smile too much, even though he knows that Donghae loves dancing and the other is always complaining about how Hankyung never smiles enough. Then one day, Donghae comes to him after all the classes had ended and there’s no smile on that face. Donghae walks up to him and grabs him and buries his face into Hankyung’s neck and Hankyung holds the younger man in his arms as tears wet his shirt. Hankyung hears about the loss of Donghae’s father through muffled sobs and he tears up too. Then Donghae is looking at him with softening eyes, still glistening with tears, but as if really seeing for the first time and Hankyung moves fast, the hand striking out just as the other leaned in. He hugs Donghae as the other crumble and he holds his friend tightly for the rest of the night. And he hopes he was fast enough.
When Hankyung first tugs his suitcase into his dormitory, there’s already another suitcase propped up against the bed near the window, even though there is no one there. The room is small, the two beds pushed to the opposite ends of the room yet, still almost together and the plaster coming away slightly when Hankyung scratched a finger on the fading white walls. He meets his room mate later, as he is reading a book, lying on his front, long legs swinging in the air. Hankyung looks up as the door clicks open and he sees dark, dark eyes and high cheekbones and they nod and introduce themselves, before the other goes off to the bathroom. Hankyung rolls the name, Cho Kyuhyun, on his tongue and hopes they get along well.
They don’t really talk for the first week, little bits of chit chat here and there- as they get ready in the mornings (they’re both morning people, even though Kyuhyun gets up even earlier than Hankyung does, meaning before 6am and he wonders why Kyuhyun does that when he sleeps so late) and when they’re both just hanging around (although that’s rare because Donghae is just down the corridor and is always dragging him places and Hankyung doesn’t know where Kyuhyun goes most of the time). Hankyung learns that Kyuhyun is a law student, young (two years younger; not that much, he thinks) and here on a scholarship. He learns that the other is a game whizz and that he hates exercise. That’s all he learns because Kyuhyun is quiet and Hankyung is too, and they barely talk at all. Hankyung doesn’t think he has to worry about his powers with this one.
Hankyung comes back one day, to find Kyuhyun already there, which never happens and he knows something is wrong, when Kyuhyun doesn’t even turn to look at him, because whilst they are not close, the other always acknowledge him with a soft smile or a nod whenever they see each other. Hankyung finds Kyuhyun curled up on the bed, clutching his stomach, obviously in pain, hair slightly damp and Hankyung doesn’t even think about it when he forces down a painkiller and warm water and rubs Kyuhyun’s back until that tense body was relaxing and he was no longer curled up tight. Hankyung makes Kyuhyun rice and eggs that tonight and he throws out all the junk food and cup noodles, announcing firmly that he was going to make sure the other ate actual food from now on. He gets a smile, a warm, bright smile, the first one he’s seen from the other and Hankyung thinks it’s the most beautiful thing he has ever seen and something flares in the back of his brain in warning.
They talk more after that, Hankyung staying in the room more and Kyuhyun playing his games less. And they go out each night, to the cafeteria and they eat together. It’s a quiet affair and it’s nothing like when Hankyung eats with Donghae, all laughter and food flying everywhere, but Kyuhyun eats everything Hankyung orders and there’s a soft smile on those lips and it’s comfortable. Hankyung learns that Kyuhyun hates cauliflower and that black is his favorite colour and that the other is actually quite snarky and that the only things Kyuhyun wears are long sleeved shirts and the school polo. The smiles come more easily now, natural and there’s laughter too and Hankyung thinks Kyuhyun has a wonderful laugh, low and rich and quietly exciting. It makes him feel warm, but he doesn’t want to think about that; he doesn’t dare.
The months pass and Hankyung spends as much time with Kyuhyun as he does with Donghae, (the two of them get along well enough, although Kyuhyun is extra snarky when the other is around, Donghae extra touchy and they bicker more than they chat). Hankyung no longer feel like he’s intruding if he walks in on the Kyuhyun practicing for a mock trial, he sits there and listens or even provides arguments for the other to work with, and Kyuhyun is comfortable enough to sit down on his bed while Hankyung is flipping through the dictionary and the books and point out where he is going wrong. They settle into a quiet sort of routine- they’d walk to the main building together each morning, parting only as Hankyung turns off to go to the dance studios and Kyuhyun in the opposite way. They’d meet in the cafeteria, only to buy food though, they eat outside in the gardens, or under the undercroft if it is raining, the three of them, or just the two of them sometimes and they would talk about their teachers and classmates, what they learnt and forgot to learn and all the happenings around the school. Then there’s the times where they would just sit there, shoulders touching, not saying anything, just staring out at the lawn, either shining under the sun or glistening in the rain and they would just breathe together. It is times like that, that Hankyung allows himself to think about his power and what could- would- happen if he wanted it to.
Hankyung doesn’t really know what they are to each other, nearly a year later, only that Kyuhyun is a part of his life now and he can’t imagine a day without the other. Hankyung learns that Kyuhyun doesn’t even want to be a lawyer, it’s his father’s dream, his grandfather’s dream, not his and because he respects them, Kyuhyun doesn’t tell them of his own dream, the one filled with soaring notes and sheet music and the soft crescendo of the pianos and violins. He tells Hankyung though, when they are sitting on the floor, leaning against the foot of Hankyung’s bed, knees knocking against each other softly. Hankyung tells Kyuhyun about his family, his past girlfriends, his dreams and aspirations. He tells the other that he has a secret he’ll share if Kyuhyun gets a perfect score on his report (Hankyung tells himself he will tell the other how he feels then and he feels safe because no one ever gets a perfect score here) and he tells the other about his power. He says it in the dark of their room, when the lights are off and the only brightness is the shine from their eyes and Kyuhyun laughs and asks him why he hadn’t jumped Hankyung yet then. Hankyung snores slightly and he doesn’t admit to Kyuhyun of all the times he had to control himself. He doesn’t admit to himself that perhaps he is in love for the first time.
He falls harder than he can ever imagine, because he doesn’t know what love is, what fighting for love is like. Love- or rather, infatuation- has always came to him, found him and clung to him and Hankyung had never wanted it. He wanted it now, but it wouldn’t come to him, he wouldn’t let it come to him; not this way. Hankyung wants it to be real, to feel what people should feel, to hurt and to love and experience it all.
It hurts more than he thinks though, when he comes back one day and there is a girl there, sitting on Kyuhyun’s bed, the bed that only Hankyung had sat on and he smiles at them, even if he is screaming tooclosetooclose inside and he tries to ignore the way they had jumped apart; he didn’t want to think about what they had been doing. He doesn’t have to think about it though, because weeks later, he finds out for himself. He’s lying in the dark waiting for Kyuhyun to come back, hoping that he would be back soon from his date, because Hankyung is lonely and he needs that smile and that voice and that touch.
Then he’s squeezing his eyes shut and hoping he can shut his ears too, because Kyuhyun isn’t alone and there’s movement and the rustling of sheets and the squeak of the mattress and there’s breathing, Hankyung doesn’t ever want to hear Kyuhyun breathe like that, not unless it’s with him and he lies there, because he has to, trying not to listen, but still able to hear everything. He traces Kyuhyun’s name into the flaking plaster and he ignores the silent tears that spill as he hears Kyuhyun’s breathing become less and less even. Kyuhyun was back, but Hankyung had never felt more alone.
Hankyung feels blind after that, there’s a sharp stabbing of sorts inside of him and his heart feels like it’s been stood on and trampled into broken shards and oozing red. He can’t face Kyuhyun, not without it hurting enough to leave him gasping, so he meets other people instead, people he doesn’t love and doesn’t need to protect (he tries not to think, from himself). His power spins free and wild and Hankyung doesn’t even care, because he’s worked so hard to keep it all inside and it had led him to near destruction. It was his power, his destiny and he was foolish to temper it for a boy who only wounds him. So he lets it free and watches it work; it had grown stronger over its time in hibernation. There are girls giggling at him and he has love letters and chocolates stuffed into his locker and the boys smile and stands closer and Hankyung is invited to all the parties and all the clubs. He doesn’t care about them, because he realizes they can’t help, can’t even begin to mend the hole Kyuhyun had left gaping inside of him.
Then Hankyung finds a person that can- even if it’s a little, a person that had always been there, with him, beside him, that he had even liked for a little, before he had met Kyuhyun and forgot about the rest of the world.
It’s a day off and all the teachers are having a conference and they sneak into an empty office- the homophobic economic teacher’s- and Hankyung smiles, really smiles, the way he smiles at Kyuhyun and soon there are hands cupping his face, a tongue onside his mouth and he’s being shoved up against the wooden desk. Hankyung lets the other lie him down and strip him bare and he feels like the biggest asshole, because fuck Donghae wasn’t even gay and then he’s crying as Donghae rocks against him, pushing deeper and deeper and they send the reports scattering.
It hurts, inside and out, because it’s all pent up desire and repressed feelings and there’s no preparation, because Donghae has waited long enough (too long). It burns, slow and sharp, because it’s rough and hard against the hard edge of the desk and against the pens on the desk, but Hankyung doesn’t cry because of that. He cries because it’s not just because of his power, that Donghae actually loved him and he’s ruining that love because even now, he’s staring at Kyuhyun’s face pressed up against his on the desk. And at the perfect scores typed neatly below, black stark on the white paper. Stark and burning his retinas, like the red against hs skin and the white against the dark wood of the desk.
Monsters Inside, sungmin-centric
He’s standing on top of a building with silver railings and a concrete floor. There are stars shining in the sky and a hint of mist in the air, faint but lingering damply on Sungmin’s skin. There is someone pressed in behind him and the hands around his waist felt the way a lover’s hands should; warm and gentle, fingers smoothing across his hip soothingly.
Then those fingers tighten and he’s heaved up and thrown forward, over the silver railing and out into the emptiness, the solid ground jerked out from under him, the world flipping upside down and then he’s falling. Down, down, only he’s flipped so it feels like he’s falling up into the sky and all that Sungmin can see is the stars above and a shadowy face peering down at him before-
Sungmin jerks awake with a gasp and covered in cold sweat.
With a sigh, Sungmin gets out of bed and steps quietly over to the window. He peels back the curtains just enough that a splash of moonlight falls across the floor and his bed. This was the fifth night he’s fallen. Which meant it was going to be bad when it happens. And it will, any night now.
-
Sungmin dreams only two dreams. He’s either falling or he’s being pressed beneath someone. He jerks awake heart racing and covered in cold sweat and it doesn’t really matter which it is, because both are bad enough for Sungmin to never want to close his eyes again.
Ache, leeteuk/heechul, heechul/eunhyuk
The day Heechul plans on having sex with Jungsu, he ends up sleeping with Hyukjae instead.
The apartment is dark and the lights in most of the rooms are off. Heechul’s wearing nothing but a robe and he’s walking down the hallway as quietly as he can, bare feet digging into the soft carpet. His hand is already on the door knob when he hears Jungsu’s laugh filtering through the slightly opened door. Youngwoon-ah, Heechul hears and his fingers curl into a fist because hadn’t Jungsu just promised him a new beginning this morning, hadn’t the older man kissed him and told Heechul he’ll try to make this thing between them work?
Another laugh and this time there’s a giggle too and there’s such fondness in that voice that Heechul feels something hard and sharp settle into his stomach. He turns away quickly and pushes through into the first room he reaches.
After Love, kyuhyun/hangeng
They get the call in the middle of the night. 2:17am the clock read. Hankyung remembers because he had been staring at it for the past two hours.
Hankyung drops the phone and the glass he had been nursing and the shards shatter on the floor and something cuts his bare feet, but Hankyung doesn’t notice, because he’s running through out the door before the call ends.
he makes it there before any of the other members, before the media, before Kyuhyun’s parents. Hankyung stands outside the operating room and wills the lights to change and their manager is trying to pull him down onto one of the empty plastic chairs lining the cooridor.
Hankyung doesn’t sit because he’s scared that he’ll just curl up on the floor.
speak, eunhyuk/donghae, hangeng/donghae
hyukjae, he says.
they ask him who he'd date in the group if he was a girl and the answer comes out naturally not because he and hyukjae are actually dating, or even fucking each other backstage like some dirty little secret.
it's not even because they're best friends and he's trying to make hyukjae feel better because sungmin picks kyuhyun without hesitation. as awful as it sounds, donghae chooses hyukjae because he's attainable, he's possible.
(he's not hankyung.)
-
hankyung's not hyukjae, not gummy smiles and awkward limbs whenever he's not dancing. hankyung doesnt walk around with cartoon pigs on his oversized pajamas- it's all silk boxers hanging low on sharp hips and donghae stops thinking.
It's so nice to wake up (all alone), yesung/ryeowook, kyuhyun/ryeowook, hangeng/ryeowook
it's so nice
to wake up in the morning
all alone
and not have to tell somebody
you love them
when you don't love them
any more.
Love Poem, Richard Brautigan
-
ryeowook wakes up on a Sunday morning at 4:25 and he glances at yesung lying besides him. he rolls over, back facing his boyfriend and goes back to sleep.
-
they’re in the music rooms and ryeowook and kyuhyun are singing scales at each other when yesung walks in. there’s a moment of perfect silence, before yesung tells them to start practicing. ryeowook nods and kyuhyun blinks and they do unnecessary vocal gymnastics throughout the whole song and ryeowook doesn’t know why, just that he wants to.
-
hankyung pulls him aside one day and asks if it’s alright to leave yesung and ryeowook’s eyes widen at what hankyung’s asking and he’s not sure if the dancer even knows what this sounds like. he doesn’t know what hankyung really means, but he nods anyway. it doesn’t really matter what it’s for.
the company calls them in and announces a new subgroup and donghae whispers to him that hankyung had handpicked his group and they share a grin. when his name is called, ryeowook tries to look surprised, but there’s no hiding the smile he flashes his new leader.
-
hankyung likes to switch the rooms around so that they can all get along better and ryeowook is sharing a bed with the hankyung in one hotel and donghae in the next and henry in another.
yesung calls one night when ryeowook is already in bed and they chat about activities and the other members and yesung tells him that his bed is cold without him there. ryeowook mutters an apology for not being there and he glances at kyuhyun lying next to him watching with dark eyes, and ryeowook thinks he should be apologizing for something else.
-
during a rare break from activities in China, ryeowook drags the rest of SJM to watch yesung as Hong Gil Dong. donghae, zhoumi and henry are watching excitedly and hankyung is leaning his head on siwon’s shoulders, clearly exhausted, but still determined to concentrate. ryeowook sits next to kyuhyun and he spends most of the play watching the younger man out of the corner of his eye.
he tells yesung he loves it and the other man’s happy smile almost makes ryeowook feel guilty. Almost.
-
ryeowook is supposed to have dinner with yesung, at a nice little French restaurant in the hidden
corner of Seoul. as he’s getting ready, hankyung calls them for a training session and ryeowook throws down the dress shirt and suit pants in his hands and gets into tracksuits and a loose T-shirt with a smile. he apologises to yesung and walks off before the other can say anything.
turns out it’s just casual brainstorming of dances for the next album and they didn’t really need ryeowook there. the seven of them muck around, making up the craziest dances and even ryeowook contributes an intense 20 seconds of random flapping and awkward body rolls. he doesn’t tell them he just ditched a date for this.
-
it’s sungmin’s birthday and ryeowook bakes a cake with hankyung, in the form of a pink pumpkin and sungmin hugs both of them with a squeal.
i haven’t looked at kyuhyun even once today, ryeowook thinks to sungmin. Happy Birthday, hyung.
-
when it’s finally done, hankyung shows them the dance and the Chinese man is so absolutely stunning whilst doing it, that ryeowook finds himself flustered and his pants uncomfortably tight. he’s not a kid anymore, so ryeowook corners his leader in the showers and kisses him firmly on the mouth.
it amazes ryewook that he doesn’t feel at all like he’s just done something he shouldn’t.
-
it’s their third anniversary and ryeowook drags kyuhyun and hankyung with him to shop for a present for yesung. they run around the shopping center trying on clothes and kyuhyun manages to somehow turn the dancer into their model and hankyung ends up trying on everything the other two shoves at him. they buy a pair of leather pants for yesung, just so they can make hankyung walk up and down before them in it.
they try on cologne and kyuhyun finds one that is absolutely irresistible and kyuhyun laughs happily as both hankyung and ryeowook buries their faces in his neck.
they stop by a café and a gaming store and somehow detours to the amusement park on the way home. they force hankyung to wear those pants (he ended up changing in the ferris wheel much to the appreciation of the other two) and ryeowook has to stop himself from pressing himself against kyuhyun.
that night he gives the presents to yesung and makes him wear them as they have sex. yesung thrusts into ryeowook, pants around his thighs and ryeowook can’t help wish hankyung was wearing them. yesung leans closer as they reach their climax and ryeowook is breathing in that perfume and he barely stops himself from screaming kyuhyun’s name as he comes.
-
“you like hankyung hyung don’t you?”
ryeowook doesn’t even pause, “yes.”
“why?”
“why not? everyone likes hankyung hyung, how can you not?”
“you know what I mean, wookie.”
“no I don’t.”
“are you in love with him?”
“no I’m not.” ryeowook isn’t lying; he may fantasize, worship and adore hankyung to no end, but he’s not in love with him.
yesung goes quiet and ryeowook walks off.
they don’t talk about it again.
-
one day ryeowook walks in on heechul fucking hyukjae when donghae is just in the next room and it’s just so twisted that it makes something in ryeowook tingle. it makes him want to do something even more drastic.
ryeowook thinks about going to donghae, but that didn’t feel enough. he pushes open the room at the very end of the corridor and hopes to hell that zhoumi is not there. he’s not, but ryeowook’s target is. Ryeowook smiles and pushes the other boy man down onto his back.
later at dinner, hyukjae is staring down at his plate guiltily, donghae not seeming to notice as he chatted animatedly with hankyung and siwon. ryeowook glances at henry and flashes him a wink, which causes the magnae to blush bright red and glance quickly at yesung.
-
when yesung has a late night schedule one day, ryeowook almosts sleeps with siwon.
it’s after jaejoong, yoochun and junsu sues the company and jaejoong is staying in hankyung’s room and junsu in hyukjae’s (yoochun was with yunho) and siwon is hence forced to sleep elsewhere; ryeowook’s being the only option.
they turn in early, because siwon had a few beers before and now was clearly not in the mood for chit chat. then just as ryeowook had fallen asleep, siwon reaches over and tugs him close, hands sliding along his back and into his boxers. neither of them are really awake and ryeowook doesn’t really react until siwon’s fondling with his member. ryeowook’s eyes pop open as siwon maneuvers himself on top, kissing his neck and parting his legs. then siwon is kissing him and muttering hankyung’s name against his lips and ryeowook shoves him off, just as donghae walks in, muttering something about junsu and monkey and stupid.
they end up dancing around the room, playing poker and drinking soju
I can see through you, heechul/leeteuk
Being with Heechul is like taking drugs, Jungsu thinks absentmindedly. It takes you to the edge and higher than you think you could ever go; gives you a taste of heaven and leaves you hanging on by your fingertips.
Jungsu feels so light these days, like a strong gust of wind will blow him away, tumbling and twirling over the balcony and high-rise buildings, all the way out to sea. Without Heechul grounding him these days, Jungsu doesn’t know where he’ll end up.
-
The first time they do it, they don’t make a big deal out of it. Youngwoon’s gone and Hankyung’s gone, there’s no one here to cling to; letters and phone calls make poor substitutes for human touch.
Jungsu’s alone in the lounge room, the television flickering shadows over his face as he stares without really seeing. He’s got a boner, but he’s too listless and depressed to take care of it. Heechul comes into the kitchen for a glass of water and he sees Jungsu slumped on the couch, pants tented and proceeds to jerk him off without saying a word, eyes also fixed on the screen.
Heechul’s in nothing but a white shirt- Hankyung’s, Jungsu thinks- and it barely covers anything as Heechul sits on the edge of the couch. Jungsu reaches out without really thinking, hands sliding under the white material and Heechul goes still, but he doesn’t push the older man away. Jungsu hasn’t had sex since Youngwoon left almost a year ago and somehow, in his fucked up mind, fucking Heechul is okay. He doesn’t know why it’s okay, why he can’t do it to Donghae or Hyukjae, but Heechul is okay.
It’s not the right time for philosophical considerations, not when Heechul looks so damn beautiful in the moonlight. He pushes Heechul down onto the couch and for a moment he doesn’t know what to do, because hell, the last person he fucked was back when he still liked girls. It doesn’t matter; his body takes over and he’s pressing the younger man harder and harder into the couch, hips moving blindly and they don’t exchange a single word the whole time.
-
They never talk about Hankyung, not because it’s awkward or painful, just because they never mention it. Jungsu overhears them on the phone one night, Heechul’s voice pitched low and husky, whispering absolutely filthy words to the Chinese man. Jungsu doesn’t make his presence known until they’ve hung up and Heechul glares at him. “Getting off on other people having phone sex? How pathetic, Jungsu.”
Maybe he was pathetic, but Jungsu knew what he wanted and he catches Heechul’s arm as the other tries to brush past him. He presses the other against the wall, grinding against his backside, one hand palming Heechul’s cock through his already soaked underwear.
Heechul growls and tries to push him away, “I’m not a whore, Park Jungsu. Get the fuck off me.”
Jungsu just licks a path up Heechul’s neck, hands squeezing hard and hip bucking. “I know you’re not. You’re Kim Heechul.”
He treats Heechul like one though, pulling out his hand and wiping it across Heechul’s lips, letting him taste his own cum. He fumbles with Heechul’s pants, dropping them to the floor and sticking three fingers inside. Heechul is twisting and hissing underneath, violent enough for Jungsu to know he doesn’t like it, but he doesn’t really mind it either.
He fucks Heechul against the wall and then twice more on the bed- once on all fours and then with Heechul’s legs around his waist. The sex is hard and fast, cock and ass and none of the unnecessary embellishments. They didn’t love each other, there was no need to kiss or be gentle.
Heechul pulls away and rolls onto his side, but he doesn’t leave and Jungsu thinks that this is getting out of control.
-
They have sex whenever Jungsu misses Youngwoon, which is often and sometimes when Heechul misses Hankyung. The loneliness and emptiness gets too much, rolling over him like a wave. Jungsu is drowning and it’s always Heechul who pulls him out of it, panting into his mouth and teeth sharp against his lips.
They don’t speak during or after, wake up in the morning like it never happened. Then one day, Jungsu makes the mistake of talking as he rides the other man and Heechul slaps him across the face, eyes blazing. “You ruined everything, you fucking idiot!”
Heechul doesn’t explain what he means, and he doesn’t have to, because Jungsu has seen the look in his eyes whenever they do it. That distant, nostalgic longing that tells Jungsu that Heechul’s a million miles away. Even if Heechul never says anything, even if he can fool the rest of the members, Jungsu sees right through him; right through to how he’s missing Hankyung so much he’s going crazy. Jungsu maybe using Heechul for sex, but the other was using him to help forget.
Jungsu’s not sure who’s hurting who.
Wednesday, sungmin/eunhyuk
Today is the day. Today is Wednesday.
Sungmin’s hand stills on the doorknob and he stares so hard at the door his eyesight blurs. He does this every time. Spends forever getting ready and then freezes right outside the door, freezes in a way that has his bones locking and muscles clenching. He’s so tense that he almost wishes someone would walk down the hall and ask him what he was doing.
There’s no one else home though and Sungmin closes his eyes and turns the door, swings it open and clicks it shut behind him.
Today is the day they go from friends to lovers.
-
Hyukjae is hissing strings of dirty words in his ear and Sungmin gasps as the other bucks unexpectedly, hands tightening in Sungmin’s hair and blunt nails digging into his thigh. Another jerk of hips and Hyukjae slumps, body heavy and skin sleek with sweat.
They breathe together for a moment, but then Hyukjae rolls off him, hands sliding away and Sungmin’s left to breathe alone. He closes his eyes, bites his lips and gets off the bed, walks towards the doo without saying a word; the sticky trickle sliding down his legs like acid.
…and back to friends.
//
omg why do i write so much random crap aksldfasjl
for emberberry because she did a wip post and also because i love her~
Empty Line, bandfic
The first thing to go, are their phones. Dropped into a plastic box passed around at an afternoon meeting and taken away without a word. They all do it, some a little hesitant, others confused. Heechul drops it in with a raised eyebrow, thinking this is a joke or prank or maybe even a hidden camera. Hangeng isn't sure, doesn't even understand the order, but merely following because everyone else was doing it. He shifts in his seat and he catches Kyuhyun's eyes across the table and there's a dark look there that Hangeng doesn't like, because if Kyuhyun was angry...
What little humor there was in the room disappears completely as the minutes stretch on and the man with the box doesn't come back. Youngwoon is glaring a hole at the door through which their phones disappeared and Hyukjae and Donghae are fidgeting every few seconds. Sungmin looks scared and Jungsu is rubbing at his temples trying to make his migraine go away. Heechul is snarling by now, eyes narrowed dangerously and the only one relatively calm is Kibum, who sits there unmoving a look of deep apprehension over his face.
The next to go are the computers and this time it’s Kyuhyun who cracks. It must've happened when all of them were out; they'd come home to find the place stripped. Kyuhyun had thrown his bag against the wall, eyes blazing, lips pulled back over his teeth in a growl.
Save me, hangeng/heechul
they live through three lifetimes together, before heechul remembers hangeng’s name and another two before they fall in love.
he’s a priest, a waterboy, a court scribe, a poet, a prince. heechul’s been anything that’s ever been named, and several that hasn’t.
-
the sky’s crackling dark red and something explodes too close and the world quietens all of a sudden, even if the images before him turn increasingly violent. the bridge is burning, the blacksmith’s sign with its hammer and fire; the houses, the people. The city’s falling and heechul smiles, knowing hangeng was safe, far across the mountains with siwon.
(it hurts even if it shouldn't)
PURE, kyuhan, hanhae, hanhyuk, hanwook, hanteuk
Hankyung has the power to make people fall in love with him. It was simple and easy and it came to him as naturally as breathing. He was fated to capture people, to change them, to be wanted, to be desired, to make them lose themselves for him. He was meant to be loved, to be happy; to never have to desire without receiving, never to have to ache for love. It was his gift, his power, his destiny.
He was only eight when it first happened, a boy with scruffy knees and messy hair and dirt across his face. He runs around with the boys in the neighbourhood, tossing balls and playing hide and seek and peeking at the girl who lived in the pretty white house on the corner. The house has a neat, trimmed lawn and a polished oak door, and all the boys would hide behind the row of bushes near the house to see her as she comes out each afternoon, in white dresses with colourful bows and shiny black shoes. She is pretty, with large eyes and she looks exactly like a doll; she never speaks and she’s never interested in anything and she’s a mystery. Hankyung runs into her accidently, he’s fetching a badly thrown ball that lands on the perfectly trimmed grass and he’s thin so he can slip through easier and suddenly she’s there, all white frills and silk bows (green today he notices even as he tries not to look) and he almost bumps into her. Her eyes are wider than usual, shining and soft and she stares at him and she helps him up, wiping away the dirt on his face with her pure white handkerchief. She keeps staring until he runs off, her gaze following him all the way up the street. Hankyung had managed to capture her attention and it excited him in a way that made the blood rush through him.
That was the start, but he was too young to understand, to believe. He had just turned twelve when there was a dance at school and Hankyung is dared to take the prettiest girl in the school, the ice princess who never smiles and has turned down every single person to ever ask her out. He approached her awkwardly, all uncertain glances and trying to not sound too hopeless, managing to flash her a weak smile. She freezes and her eyes flicker and something changes and it was just like years ago, only this time it’s stronger and Hankyung becomes the talk of the school when he ends up taking Jessica to the dance, her arms wrapped tightly around his as they danced all night and she’s smiling and there’s not a trace of ice in her eyes, only fire and heat. She had changed because of him and he was exhilarated.
He gets a tutor a couple of years later, when he is almost 16, a slender, pretty man named Jungsu. They study mathematics, twice a week, the older man sitting beside him as they worked through the jumble of numbers and equations. Jungsu was not that much older than Hankyung and there was a sweetness and kindness that was always there in those eyes and even if Hankyung messed up the easiest questions, the other would just smile and slowly teach him how to work it out and Hankyung sometimes purposely did something wrong, just so Jungsu would lean closer and show him, because maybe, just maybe he had a tiny little crush. He gets a 98% on the exam and his parents are beaming as he rush upstairs to tell Jungsu. He throws his arms around the older man and giggles his happiness into the other’s neck. There’s something else in those eyes when they part and it’s so very different from the gentleness of the past; there’s desire there and Hankyung is reeling from the shock as Jungsu pushes him against the desk, the math books tumbling to the ground and they’re inches from each other and he knows that Jungsu wants him, even as the other manages to turn away at the last moment. It’s reckless and powerful and consuming and Hankyung starts to understand.
(They run into each other years later, when Jungsu is walking hand in hand with another man and they stare at each other, until Hankyung sees that something resurfacing in those eyes. He sees the ring on Jungsu’s finger and he walks away without a word. The want still burning in those eyes made him feel uncertain.)
Hankyung meets a boy called Hyukjae in the dance studios at school. Hankyung goes there every morning to practice and he dances his heart out in that small mirrored room and he doesn’t need to control his feelings and his desires and his wishes, because it’s just him and his reflection. Until one day, when he’s halfway through a pirouette, there’s suddenly a squeak as the door is pushed open and there’s a boy with wide eyes, staring at him and pulling him into a dance. They dance together and watch each other dance, in the mornings and late into the night. Hyukjae is funny and innocent and cute and they laugh over bottles of water and wet towels. The smaller man dances wonderfully and Hankyung is so glad to have someone to challenge him, to learn with, to grow alongside, that he forgets about himself, about what he can do and when he shows his new friend his favourite dance, he realizes too late what he has done when Hyukjae’s eyes glaze over and he grabs Hankyung mid-dance and presses a strong kiss onto his lips. There’s a tongue slipping into his mouth, when the other suddenly pulls back and stares at Hankyung with horror and apologies in his eyes. Hyukjae runs out and Hankyung never see him in the studio again. There was lust in those innocent eyes, and Hankyung feels dirty.
He learns to control it shortly after that, wielding it more precisely and delicately. He is careful, never going overboard, never pushing for too much. He gets drunk one day though, on the night of his graduation and the entire group is out dancing and partying. The alcohol has been flowing freely for hours and everyone was laughing, happy and crazy, the music pounding and Hankyung watches Heechul dance on a table and Ryeowook and Yesung cuddling in the corner. Siwon is trying to DJ and Hankyung lets Yunho and Junsu drag him into the middle of the dance floor. There are bodies everywhere and Hankyung lets people grind into him and he’s dancing like he’s never danced before, because it was okay to be free here, because that was what people were supposed to do. So he dances until there are dark eyes on him and he is flustered from the press of bodies and the heat all around. He stumbles back to the booth and he tilts his back and leans down on the seat. Hankyung doesn’t realize Ryeowook is there until he almost hits the other as he arches into a stretch. They talk and laugh and drink from the same bottle; sharing future aspirations and relationship history and hobbies and touches, because there’s a soft hand on his thigh and an even softer mouth on his neck. Hankyung doesn’t think he has ever heard that beautiful voice pitched so low and Hankyung is too drunk to do anything as the shy singer straddles Hankyung’s hips and there’s hands sliding under thin clothes when there’s the shattering of glass and they look up to see the horrified look on Yesung’s face. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, wasn’t who Ryeowook was and he sees the loss and confusion on the boy’s face and Hankyung is scared of what he can do.
It’s his first day in university and they are put into groups and Hankyung is pushed into a seat next to a boy with a wide, happy smile and sparkling eyes. They whisper to each other all the way through the lecture and make faces when the teacher turns his back. Hankyung lets Donghae drag him all the way through the campus, even though the other didn’t know it either and they get lost and end up eating the half sandwich Donghae finds in his bag. Hankyung likes Donghae and he knows they can be great buddies if he can just be careful. He’s careful to not get drunk or dance with him too close or smile too much, even though he knows that Donghae loves dancing and the other is always complaining about how Hankyung never smiles enough. Then one day, Donghae comes to him after all the classes had ended and there’s no smile on that face. Donghae walks up to him and grabs him and buries his face into Hankyung’s neck and Hankyung holds the younger man in his arms as tears wet his shirt. Hankyung hears about the loss of Donghae’s father through muffled sobs and he tears up too. Then Donghae is looking at him with softening eyes, still glistening with tears, but as if really seeing for the first time and Hankyung moves fast, the hand striking out just as the other leaned in. He hugs Donghae as the other crumble and he holds his friend tightly for the rest of the night. And he hopes he was fast enough.
When Hankyung first tugs his suitcase into his dormitory, there’s already another suitcase propped up against the bed near the window, even though there is no one there. The room is small, the two beds pushed to the opposite ends of the room yet, still almost together and the plaster coming away slightly when Hankyung scratched a finger on the fading white walls. He meets his room mate later, as he is reading a book, lying on his front, long legs swinging in the air. Hankyung looks up as the door clicks open and he sees dark, dark eyes and high cheekbones and they nod and introduce themselves, before the other goes off to the bathroom. Hankyung rolls the name, Cho Kyuhyun, on his tongue and hopes they get along well.
They don’t really talk for the first week, little bits of chit chat here and there- as they get ready in the mornings (they’re both morning people, even though Kyuhyun gets up even earlier than Hankyung does, meaning before 6am and he wonders why Kyuhyun does that when he sleeps so late) and when they’re both just hanging around (although that’s rare because Donghae is just down the corridor and is always dragging him places and Hankyung doesn’t know where Kyuhyun goes most of the time). Hankyung learns that Kyuhyun is a law student, young (two years younger; not that much, he thinks) and here on a scholarship. He learns that the other is a game whizz and that he hates exercise. That’s all he learns because Kyuhyun is quiet and Hankyung is too, and they barely talk at all. Hankyung doesn’t think he has to worry about his powers with this one.
Hankyung comes back one day, to find Kyuhyun already there, which never happens and he knows something is wrong, when Kyuhyun doesn’t even turn to look at him, because whilst they are not close, the other always acknowledge him with a soft smile or a nod whenever they see each other. Hankyung finds Kyuhyun curled up on the bed, clutching his stomach, obviously in pain, hair slightly damp and Hankyung doesn’t even think about it when he forces down a painkiller and warm water and rubs Kyuhyun’s back until that tense body was relaxing and he was no longer curled up tight. Hankyung makes Kyuhyun rice and eggs that tonight and he throws out all the junk food and cup noodles, announcing firmly that he was going to make sure the other ate actual food from now on. He gets a smile, a warm, bright smile, the first one he’s seen from the other and Hankyung thinks it’s the most beautiful thing he has ever seen and something flares in the back of his brain in warning.
They talk more after that, Hankyung staying in the room more and Kyuhyun playing his games less. And they go out each night, to the cafeteria and they eat together. It’s a quiet affair and it’s nothing like when Hankyung eats with Donghae, all laughter and food flying everywhere, but Kyuhyun eats everything Hankyung orders and there’s a soft smile on those lips and it’s comfortable. Hankyung learns that Kyuhyun hates cauliflower and that black is his favorite colour and that the other is actually quite snarky and that the only things Kyuhyun wears are long sleeved shirts and the school polo. The smiles come more easily now, natural and there’s laughter too and Hankyung thinks Kyuhyun has a wonderful laugh, low and rich and quietly exciting. It makes him feel warm, but he doesn’t want to think about that; he doesn’t dare.
The months pass and Hankyung spends as much time with Kyuhyun as he does with Donghae, (the two of them get along well enough, although Kyuhyun is extra snarky when the other is around, Donghae extra touchy and they bicker more than they chat). Hankyung no longer feel like he’s intruding if he walks in on the Kyuhyun practicing for a mock trial, he sits there and listens or even provides arguments for the other to work with, and Kyuhyun is comfortable enough to sit down on his bed while Hankyung is flipping through the dictionary and the books and point out where he is going wrong. They settle into a quiet sort of routine- they’d walk to the main building together each morning, parting only as Hankyung turns off to go to the dance studios and Kyuhyun in the opposite way. They’d meet in the cafeteria, only to buy food though, they eat outside in the gardens, or under the undercroft if it is raining, the three of them, or just the two of them sometimes and they would talk about their teachers and classmates, what they learnt and forgot to learn and all the happenings around the school. Then there’s the times where they would just sit there, shoulders touching, not saying anything, just staring out at the lawn, either shining under the sun or glistening in the rain and they would just breathe together. It is times like that, that Hankyung allows himself to think about his power and what could- would- happen if he wanted it to.
Hankyung doesn’t really know what they are to each other, nearly a year later, only that Kyuhyun is a part of his life now and he can’t imagine a day without the other. Hankyung learns that Kyuhyun doesn’t even want to be a lawyer, it’s his father’s dream, his grandfather’s dream, not his and because he respects them, Kyuhyun doesn’t tell them of his own dream, the one filled with soaring notes and sheet music and the soft crescendo of the pianos and violins. He tells Hankyung though, when they are sitting on the floor, leaning against the foot of Hankyung’s bed, knees knocking against each other softly. Hankyung tells Kyuhyun about his family, his past girlfriends, his dreams and aspirations. He tells the other that he has a secret he’ll share if Kyuhyun gets a perfect score on his report (Hankyung tells himself he will tell the other how he feels then and he feels safe because no one ever gets a perfect score here) and he tells the other about his power. He says it in the dark of their room, when the lights are off and the only brightness is the shine from their eyes and Kyuhyun laughs and asks him why he hadn’t jumped Hankyung yet then. Hankyung snores slightly and he doesn’t admit to Kyuhyun of all the times he had to control himself. He doesn’t admit to himself that perhaps he is in love for the first time.
He falls harder than he can ever imagine, because he doesn’t know what love is, what fighting for love is like. Love- or rather, infatuation- has always came to him, found him and clung to him and Hankyung had never wanted it. He wanted it now, but it wouldn’t come to him, he wouldn’t let it come to him; not this way. Hankyung wants it to be real, to feel what people should feel, to hurt and to love and experience it all.
It hurts more than he thinks though, when he comes back one day and there is a girl there, sitting on Kyuhyun’s bed, the bed that only Hankyung had sat on and he smiles at them, even if he is screaming tooclosetooclose inside and he tries to ignore the way they had jumped apart; he didn’t want to think about what they had been doing. He doesn’t have to think about it though, because weeks later, he finds out for himself. He’s lying in the dark waiting for Kyuhyun to come back, hoping that he would be back soon from his date, because Hankyung is lonely and he needs that smile and that voice and that touch.
Then he’s squeezing his eyes shut and hoping he can shut his ears too, because Kyuhyun isn’t alone and there’s movement and the rustling of sheets and the squeak of the mattress and there’s breathing, Hankyung doesn’t ever want to hear Kyuhyun breathe like that, not unless it’s with him and he lies there, because he has to, trying not to listen, but still able to hear everything. He traces Kyuhyun’s name into the flaking plaster and he ignores the silent tears that spill as he hears Kyuhyun’s breathing become less and less even. Kyuhyun was back, but Hankyung had never felt more alone.
Hankyung feels blind after that, there’s a sharp stabbing of sorts inside of him and his heart feels like it’s been stood on and trampled into broken shards and oozing red. He can’t face Kyuhyun, not without it hurting enough to leave him gasping, so he meets other people instead, people he doesn’t love and doesn’t need to protect (he tries not to think, from himself). His power spins free and wild and Hankyung doesn’t even care, because he’s worked so hard to keep it all inside and it had led him to near destruction. It was his power, his destiny and he was foolish to temper it for a boy who only wounds him. So he lets it free and watches it work; it had grown stronger over its time in hibernation. There are girls giggling at him and he has love letters and chocolates stuffed into his locker and the boys smile and stands closer and Hankyung is invited to all the parties and all the clubs. He doesn’t care about them, because he realizes they can’t help, can’t even begin to mend the hole Kyuhyun had left gaping inside of him.
Then Hankyung finds a person that can- even if it’s a little, a person that had always been there, with him, beside him, that he had even liked for a little, before he had met Kyuhyun and forgot about the rest of the world.
It’s a day off and all the teachers are having a conference and they sneak into an empty office- the homophobic economic teacher’s- and Hankyung smiles, really smiles, the way he smiles at Kyuhyun and soon there are hands cupping his face, a tongue onside his mouth and he’s being shoved up against the wooden desk. Hankyung lets the other lie him down and strip him bare and he feels like the biggest asshole, because fuck Donghae wasn’t even gay and then he’s crying as Donghae rocks against him, pushing deeper and deeper and they send the reports scattering.
It hurts, inside and out, because it’s all pent up desire and repressed feelings and there’s no preparation, because Donghae has waited long enough (too long). It burns, slow and sharp, because it’s rough and hard against the hard edge of the desk and against the pens on the desk, but Hankyung doesn’t cry because of that. He cries because it’s not just because of his power, that Donghae actually loved him and he’s ruining that love because even now, he’s staring at Kyuhyun’s face pressed up against his on the desk. And at the perfect scores typed neatly below, black stark on the white paper. Stark and burning his retinas, like the red against hs skin and the white against the dark wood of the desk.
Monsters Inside, sungmin-centric
He’s standing on top of a building with silver railings and a concrete floor. There are stars shining in the sky and a hint of mist in the air, faint but lingering damply on Sungmin’s skin. There is someone pressed in behind him and the hands around his waist felt the way a lover’s hands should; warm and gentle, fingers smoothing across his hip soothingly.
Then those fingers tighten and he’s heaved up and thrown forward, over the silver railing and out into the emptiness, the solid ground jerked out from under him, the world flipping upside down and then he’s falling. Down, down, only he’s flipped so it feels like he’s falling up into the sky and all that Sungmin can see is the stars above and a shadowy face peering down at him before-
Sungmin jerks awake with a gasp and covered in cold sweat.
With a sigh, Sungmin gets out of bed and steps quietly over to the window. He peels back the curtains just enough that a splash of moonlight falls across the floor and his bed. This was the fifth night he’s fallen. Which meant it was going to be bad when it happens. And it will, any night now.
-
Sungmin dreams only two dreams. He’s either falling or he’s being pressed beneath someone. He jerks awake heart racing and covered in cold sweat and it doesn’t really matter which it is, because both are bad enough for Sungmin to never want to close his eyes again.
Ache, leeteuk/heechul, heechul/eunhyuk
The day Heechul plans on having sex with Jungsu, he ends up sleeping with Hyukjae instead.
The apartment is dark and the lights in most of the rooms are off. Heechul’s wearing nothing but a robe and he’s walking down the hallway as quietly as he can, bare feet digging into the soft carpet. His hand is already on the door knob when he hears Jungsu’s laugh filtering through the slightly opened door. Youngwoon-ah, Heechul hears and his fingers curl into a fist because hadn’t Jungsu just promised him a new beginning this morning, hadn’t the older man kissed him and told Heechul he’ll try to make this thing between them work?
Another laugh and this time there’s a giggle too and there’s such fondness in that voice that Heechul feels something hard and sharp settle into his stomach. He turns away quickly and pushes through into the first room he reaches.
After Love, kyuhyun/hangeng
They get the call in the middle of the night. 2:17am the clock read. Hankyung remembers because he had been staring at it for the past two hours.
Hankyung drops the phone and the glass he had been nursing and the shards shatter on the floor and something cuts his bare feet, but Hankyung doesn’t notice, because he’s running through out the door before the call ends.
he makes it there before any of the other members, before the media, before Kyuhyun’s parents. Hankyung stands outside the operating room and wills the lights to change and their manager is trying to pull him down onto one of the empty plastic chairs lining the cooridor.
Hankyung doesn’t sit because he’s scared that he’ll just curl up on the floor.
speak, eunhyuk/donghae, hangeng/donghae
hyukjae, he says.
they ask him who he'd date in the group if he was a girl and the answer comes out naturally not because he and hyukjae are actually dating, or even fucking each other backstage like some dirty little secret.
it's not even because they're best friends and he's trying to make hyukjae feel better because sungmin picks kyuhyun without hesitation. as awful as it sounds, donghae chooses hyukjae because he's attainable, he's possible.
(he's not hankyung.)
-
hankyung's not hyukjae, not gummy smiles and awkward limbs whenever he's not dancing. hankyung doesnt walk around with cartoon pigs on his oversized pajamas- it's all silk boxers hanging low on sharp hips and donghae stops thinking.
It's so nice to wake up (all alone), yesung/ryeowook, kyuhyun/ryeowook, hangeng/ryeowook
it's so nice
to wake up in the morning
all alone
and not have to tell somebody
you love them
when you don't love them
any more.
Love Poem, Richard Brautigan
-
ryeowook wakes up on a Sunday morning at 4:25 and he glances at yesung lying besides him. he rolls over, back facing his boyfriend and goes back to sleep.
-
they’re in the music rooms and ryeowook and kyuhyun are singing scales at each other when yesung walks in. there’s a moment of perfect silence, before yesung tells them to start practicing. ryeowook nods and kyuhyun blinks and they do unnecessary vocal gymnastics throughout the whole song and ryeowook doesn’t know why, just that he wants to.
-
hankyung pulls him aside one day and asks if it’s alright to leave yesung and ryeowook’s eyes widen at what hankyung’s asking and he’s not sure if the dancer even knows what this sounds like. he doesn’t know what hankyung really means, but he nods anyway. it doesn’t really matter what it’s for.
the company calls them in and announces a new subgroup and donghae whispers to him that hankyung had handpicked his group and they share a grin. when his name is called, ryeowook tries to look surprised, but there’s no hiding the smile he flashes his new leader.
-
hankyung likes to switch the rooms around so that they can all get along better and ryeowook is sharing a bed with the hankyung in one hotel and donghae in the next and henry in another.
yesung calls one night when ryeowook is already in bed and they chat about activities and the other members and yesung tells him that his bed is cold without him there. ryeowook mutters an apology for not being there and he glances at kyuhyun lying next to him watching with dark eyes, and ryeowook thinks he should be apologizing for something else.
-
during a rare break from activities in China, ryeowook drags the rest of SJM to watch yesung as Hong Gil Dong. donghae, zhoumi and henry are watching excitedly and hankyung is leaning his head on siwon’s shoulders, clearly exhausted, but still determined to concentrate. ryeowook sits next to kyuhyun and he spends most of the play watching the younger man out of the corner of his eye.
he tells yesung he loves it and the other man’s happy smile almost makes ryeowook feel guilty. Almost.
-
ryeowook is supposed to have dinner with yesung, at a nice little French restaurant in the hidden
corner of Seoul. as he’s getting ready, hankyung calls them for a training session and ryeowook throws down the dress shirt and suit pants in his hands and gets into tracksuits and a loose T-shirt with a smile. he apologises to yesung and walks off before the other can say anything.
turns out it’s just casual brainstorming of dances for the next album and they didn’t really need ryeowook there. the seven of them muck around, making up the craziest dances and even ryeowook contributes an intense 20 seconds of random flapping and awkward body rolls. he doesn’t tell them he just ditched a date for this.
-
it’s sungmin’s birthday and ryeowook bakes a cake with hankyung, in the form of a pink pumpkin and sungmin hugs both of them with a squeal.
i haven’t looked at kyuhyun even once today, ryeowook thinks to sungmin. Happy Birthday, hyung.
-
when it’s finally done, hankyung shows them the dance and the Chinese man is so absolutely stunning whilst doing it, that ryeowook finds himself flustered and his pants uncomfortably tight. he’s not a kid anymore, so ryeowook corners his leader in the showers and kisses him firmly on the mouth.
it amazes ryewook that he doesn’t feel at all like he’s just done something he shouldn’t.
-
it’s their third anniversary and ryeowook drags kyuhyun and hankyung with him to shop for a present for yesung. they run around the shopping center trying on clothes and kyuhyun manages to somehow turn the dancer into their model and hankyung ends up trying on everything the other two shoves at him. they buy a pair of leather pants for yesung, just so they can make hankyung walk up and down before them in it.
they try on cologne and kyuhyun finds one that is absolutely irresistible and kyuhyun laughs happily as both hankyung and ryeowook buries their faces in his neck.
they stop by a café and a gaming store and somehow detours to the amusement park on the way home. they force hankyung to wear those pants (he ended up changing in the ferris wheel much to the appreciation of the other two) and ryeowook has to stop himself from pressing himself against kyuhyun.
that night he gives the presents to yesung and makes him wear them as they have sex. yesung thrusts into ryeowook, pants around his thighs and ryeowook can’t help wish hankyung was wearing them. yesung leans closer as they reach their climax and ryeowook is breathing in that perfume and he barely stops himself from screaming kyuhyun’s name as he comes.
-
“you like hankyung hyung don’t you?”
ryeowook doesn’t even pause, “yes.”
“why?”
“why not? everyone likes hankyung hyung, how can you not?”
“you know what I mean, wookie.”
“no I don’t.”
“are you in love with him?”
“no I’m not.” ryeowook isn’t lying; he may fantasize, worship and adore hankyung to no end, but he’s not in love with him.
yesung goes quiet and ryeowook walks off.
they don’t talk about it again.
-
one day ryeowook walks in on heechul fucking hyukjae when donghae is just in the next room and it’s just so twisted that it makes something in ryeowook tingle. it makes him want to do something even more drastic.
ryeowook thinks about going to donghae, but that didn’t feel enough. he pushes open the room at the very end of the corridor and hopes to hell that zhoumi is not there. he’s not, but ryeowook’s target is. Ryeowook smiles and pushes the other boy man down onto his back.
later at dinner, hyukjae is staring down at his plate guiltily, donghae not seeming to notice as he chatted animatedly with hankyung and siwon. ryeowook glances at henry and flashes him a wink, which causes the magnae to blush bright red and glance quickly at yesung.
-
when yesung has a late night schedule one day, ryeowook almosts sleeps with siwon.
it’s after jaejoong, yoochun and junsu sues the company and jaejoong is staying in hankyung’s room and junsu in hyukjae’s (yoochun was with yunho) and siwon is hence forced to sleep elsewhere; ryeowook’s being the only option.
they turn in early, because siwon had a few beers before and now was clearly not in the mood for chit chat. then just as ryeowook had fallen asleep, siwon reaches over and tugs him close, hands sliding along his back and into his boxers. neither of them are really awake and ryeowook doesn’t really react until siwon’s fondling with his member. ryeowook’s eyes pop open as siwon maneuvers himself on top, kissing his neck and parting his legs. then siwon is kissing him and muttering hankyung’s name against his lips and ryeowook shoves him off, just as donghae walks in, muttering something about junsu and monkey and stupid.
they end up dancing around the room, playing poker and drinking soju
I can see through you, heechul/leeteuk
Being with Heechul is like taking drugs, Jungsu thinks absentmindedly. It takes you to the edge and higher than you think you could ever go; gives you a taste of heaven and leaves you hanging on by your fingertips.
Jungsu feels so light these days, like a strong gust of wind will blow him away, tumbling and twirling over the balcony and high-rise buildings, all the way out to sea. Without Heechul grounding him these days, Jungsu doesn’t know where he’ll end up.
-
The first time they do it, they don’t make a big deal out of it. Youngwoon’s gone and Hankyung’s gone, there’s no one here to cling to; letters and phone calls make poor substitutes for human touch.
Jungsu’s alone in the lounge room, the television flickering shadows over his face as he stares without really seeing. He’s got a boner, but he’s too listless and depressed to take care of it. Heechul comes into the kitchen for a glass of water and he sees Jungsu slumped on the couch, pants tented and proceeds to jerk him off without saying a word, eyes also fixed on the screen.
Heechul’s in nothing but a white shirt- Hankyung’s, Jungsu thinks- and it barely covers anything as Heechul sits on the edge of the couch. Jungsu reaches out without really thinking, hands sliding under the white material and Heechul goes still, but he doesn’t push the older man away. Jungsu hasn’t had sex since Youngwoon left almost a year ago and somehow, in his fucked up mind, fucking Heechul is okay. He doesn’t know why it’s okay, why he can’t do it to Donghae or Hyukjae, but Heechul is okay.
It’s not the right time for philosophical considerations, not when Heechul looks so damn beautiful in the moonlight. He pushes Heechul down onto the couch and for a moment he doesn’t know what to do, because hell, the last person he fucked was back when he still liked girls. It doesn’t matter; his body takes over and he’s pressing the younger man harder and harder into the couch, hips moving blindly and they don’t exchange a single word the whole time.
-
They never talk about Hankyung, not because it’s awkward or painful, just because they never mention it. Jungsu overhears them on the phone one night, Heechul’s voice pitched low and husky, whispering absolutely filthy words to the Chinese man. Jungsu doesn’t make his presence known until they’ve hung up and Heechul glares at him. “Getting off on other people having phone sex? How pathetic, Jungsu.”
Maybe he was pathetic, but Jungsu knew what he wanted and he catches Heechul’s arm as the other tries to brush past him. He presses the other against the wall, grinding against his backside, one hand palming Heechul’s cock through his already soaked underwear.
Heechul growls and tries to push him away, “I’m not a whore, Park Jungsu. Get the fuck off me.”
Jungsu just licks a path up Heechul’s neck, hands squeezing hard and hip bucking. “I know you’re not. You’re Kim Heechul.”
He treats Heechul like one though, pulling out his hand and wiping it across Heechul’s lips, letting him taste his own cum. He fumbles with Heechul’s pants, dropping them to the floor and sticking three fingers inside. Heechul is twisting and hissing underneath, violent enough for Jungsu to know he doesn’t like it, but he doesn’t really mind it either.
He fucks Heechul against the wall and then twice more on the bed- once on all fours and then with Heechul’s legs around his waist. The sex is hard and fast, cock and ass and none of the unnecessary embellishments. They didn’t love each other, there was no need to kiss or be gentle.
Heechul pulls away and rolls onto his side, but he doesn’t leave and Jungsu thinks that this is getting out of control.
-
They have sex whenever Jungsu misses Youngwoon, which is often and sometimes when Heechul misses Hankyung. The loneliness and emptiness gets too much, rolling over him like a wave. Jungsu is drowning and it’s always Heechul who pulls him out of it, panting into his mouth and teeth sharp against his lips.
They don’t speak during or after, wake up in the morning like it never happened. Then one day, Jungsu makes the mistake of talking as he rides the other man and Heechul slaps him across the face, eyes blazing. “You ruined everything, you fucking idiot!”
Heechul doesn’t explain what he means, and he doesn’t have to, because Jungsu has seen the look in his eyes whenever they do it. That distant, nostalgic longing that tells Jungsu that Heechul’s a million miles away. Even if Heechul never says anything, even if he can fool the rest of the members, Jungsu sees right through him; right through to how he’s missing Hankyung so much he’s going crazy. Jungsu maybe using Heechul for sex, but the other was using him to help forget.
Jungsu’s not sure who’s hurting who.
Wednesday, sungmin/eunhyuk
Today is the day. Today is Wednesday.
Sungmin’s hand stills on the doorknob and he stares so hard at the door his eyesight blurs. He does this every time. Spends forever getting ready and then freezes right outside the door, freezes in a way that has his bones locking and muscles clenching. He’s so tense that he almost wishes someone would walk down the hall and ask him what he was doing.
There’s no one else home though and Sungmin closes his eyes and turns the door, swings it open and clicks it shut behind him.
Today is the day they go from friends to lovers.
-
Hyukjae is hissing strings of dirty words in his ear and Sungmin gasps as the other bucks unexpectedly, hands tightening in Sungmin’s hair and blunt nails digging into his thigh. Another jerk of hips and Hyukjae slumps, body heavy and skin sleek with sweat.
They breathe together for a moment, but then Hyukjae rolls off him, hands sliding away and Sungmin’s left to breathe alone. He closes his eyes, bites his lips and gets off the bed, walks towards the doo without saying a word; the sticky trickle sliding down his legs like acid.
…and back to friends.
//
omg why do i write so much random crap aksldfasjl