Wherever you will go
HAPPY BIRTHDAY (AGAIN) TO MY BELOVED BB DONGSAENG KAIJA AKA emberberry AKA GODKAI AKA SQUISHY THINGAMAJIGY LOL!!! this one's jonghyun/yonghwa because I love this pairing and she does too (and no one else seems to) and because i love her lots <3
Title: Wherever You Will Go
Pairing: Jonghwa (Jonghyun/Yonghwa), side!Yongseo, Khuntoria,
Rating: PG-13
Genre: light angst, fluff, light crack?
Summary: It takes him a bowl of jajungmyun, a ruined script, a children's movie, a late present, a backstage encounter and a song to make him realise what he really wants.
Word Count: approx. 2980
Wherever You Will Go
The door pushes open with a squeak and a ‘hey’ and Yonghwa glances up from the script, eyes widening as he sees Jonghyun in the doorway. Jonghyun’s smiling but it doesn’t quite light up his eyes the way they do on a lazy Sunday afternoon spent doing nothing but eating ramyun and composing together-
“What are you doing here?” Yonghwa half stands, but Jonghyun waves him down, stepping into the room and drops a plastic bag in Yonghwa’s lap and he yelps at the heat before breaking into a smile as the delicious aroma hits him.
Jonghyun snickers and pokes him in the shoulder, even if his eyes retain that glaze of seriousness. “Can’t a bandmate visit you on set?”
The taller man drops onto the couch beside him and pops open the wooden chopsticks, digging into his jajungmyun like this visit was the most natural thing in the world. Jonghyun shoves Yonghwa over a little, one leg half crossed, bony knee digging into Yonghwa’s thigh.
It’s a moment before either of them speaks again and it’s Jonghyun who does, mouth full of noodles. ‘What are you guys doing today? I heard Minhyuk say something about-,” Jonghyun pauses to chew for a moment, “-a norebang date.”
Yonghwa shifts, feeling slightly uncomfortable despite himself and he clears his throat noisily. “No that’s weeks away. We’ve got a farm date today.’
Jonghyun nods, head bent over the bowl so he won’t get any sauce on the white couch and Yonghwa takes pity on him and slides his script into the other’s lap to use as a placemat of sorts.
They sit there for ten minutes longer than Yonghwa usually takes for lunch, pressed up on the couch and getting their hands sticky because Yonghwa’s chopstick splinters and Jonghyun offers to feed him, which somehow turns into them trying to pick up noodles with one chopstick each. They fail miserably, of course and Yonghwa blames Jonghyun’s crappy chopstick skills and the other man leaves him to eat with his hands.
Their manager comes in to tell him to hurry, Seohyun’s waiting for you and what are you even doing here Jonghyun, and Yonghwa wipes his hand on the closest thing, and it’s not until he pushes off the couch and Jonghyun’s out the door that he realises it’s his script and that he really doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say now. He’s mostly panicking, a hint scared; part of him cares less than he thinks he should.
("You have such a nice voice", he stutters and folds his hands in his lap repeatedly until he realises she’s doing the exact same thing. "We should go somewhere…where we can sing".
It’s awfully awkward and even Seohyun cringes and Yonghwa does too, even if the cameras are still rolling, because he’s not a sweet talker, never has been and he curses Jonghyun and his jajungmyun and bony knees and especially those half smiles that Yonghwa always want to make whole.)
Seohyun is sweet as they come, warm smiles and soft eyes, innocent little touches here and there and it’s not very hard to fall for her, especially since they were already pretending to be married.
Yonghwa likes how she folds her hands and covers her mouth when she laughs, but even more when she really is happy and forgets to, head thrown back and teeth showing. He likes the way she sings, not just her voice, but that shyness, as if she was still unaware of just how good she is.
She makes him cupcakes on his birthday- chocolate and banana with adorable little music notes on top- and Yonghwa is ridiculously happy all day, his mood light and his laughs genuine as he swats at Minhyuk to stop stealing his cupcakes, my wife made them for me-
(-and it’s all on camera of course)
They record songs for their new album, over ten hours in the recording studio in one go and Yonghwa’s beyond exhausted and he falls asleep against the window the second the door of the van shuts. Hands pull at him and he whimpers, but the next second he’s pressed against warm skin and there’s an arm around his shoulders. For a moment, Yonghwa considers opening his eyes, because he was the leader now and it should be him taking care of the others, not the other way around. But even on the edge of sleep, Yonghwa knows it’s Jonghyun- green tea and vanilla and sandalwood- and that makes it okay (makes everything okay), because there was a time when it was Jonghyun looking after him and even after all this time, Yonghwa has never been able to stop needing that warmth.
Even after so long, Seohyun hasn’t lost her awkwardness towards him. Most times, Yonghwa likes to think of it as her general way of interacting with guys, but he’s seen her, seen her with her eyes wide and her smile bright, hands moving excitedly as she talked. Yonghwa’s see her with Cho Kyuhyun and he almost feels guilty for holding onto her, when it’s so obvious to everyone that she’s in love with the man.
They hold hands as they skate around the ice rink and they have to pretend that he knows what he’s doing, when in fact it’s Seohyun who is keeping Yonghwa upright, hands gripping tight, even as she makes soft, scared noises.
Nichkhun can’t skate either, only he’s not pretending he can, clutching like a teddy bear to Victoria with a pout and sending them both tumbling to the ground, arms around each other as they slide a good few meters across the ice on their asses. Yonghwa wonders why they can’t be like that, Seohyun and him, open and easy and not perfect, but then he realizes they can’t pull it off, not with their awkwardness and distance even after so long. They can’t just sit there in such a silly position and simply laugh into each others’ shoulders and make it spark.
“Hey, beef or chicken?”
Yonghwa looks up and squints at Jonghyun in the kitchen, holding up two bowls of instant noodles and hair messily tousled from his shower.
“Um, beef,” he replies almost instinctively, because he’s been spending too much time with Jinki lately and Yonghwa has learnt the hard way to never ever steal chicken from the other man.
Jonghyun raises an eyebrow with a small smile, peeling back the paper lid and pouring the boiling water inside. “You’re so weird, it’s not like Jinki is going to come hunt you down, because you ate a bowl of chicken noodles.”
Yonghwa laughs, not just because it’s so ridiculous the way Jonghyun says it deadpanned, but the fact that the other can pick up on what’s going through his head. “You haven’t seen Jinki when it comes to chicken.”
He gets up and walks into the kitchen, taking both bowls and wincing at how hot they were, throwing Jonghyun a dirty look as the other snickered. “Seriously, last time he made me watch Chicken Little and Chicken Run. Whilst eating Mexicana chicken!”
Jonghyun’s laughing openly now, eyes disappearing into slits and mouth open, and when this Jonghyun is so rare and wonderful that Yonghwa throws in an exaggerated squawk and flaps his arms like wings just to make the other not stop. It works, because Jonghyun’s clutching his stomach and laughing so hard he stops making any sound and Yonghwa joins in, because the sound is so incredibly contagious.
They laugh like kids, laughing long after the initial joke and simply at each other. By the time they finally settled down enough to eat, their noodles are lukewarm at best and Jonghyun pushes away from the couch, muttering something about Yonghwa being totally immature. He slides a disc into the DVD player and plops back on the couch, Yonghwa almost snorting his noodles through his nose when Finding Nemo starts playing.
He looks down at Jonghyun in his lap and the other stares back, his face completely blank as he says, “I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy” perfectly in Dory’s voice and Yonghwa laughs so hard he doubles over and the two of them start all over again.
There’s a special episode for We Got Married and Yonghwa spends the day with Victoria instead of Seohyun and the two of them get along effortlessly, laughing and shouting as they bowled and played pool and shot zombies on fake rifles. Victoria owns him in everything but pool and they have pizza for lunch, the two of them sitting on a see-saw digging into a large margherita with their hands. It’s more fun than it probably should’ve been, but Yonghwa doesn’t really care, because Victoria’s having fun too, eyes sparkling and smiling as she bites into the hard crust.
He doesn’t have to act around her, because she’s not Seohyun and Victoria’s doesn’t care if he eats messily or gets sauce on his pants- she’s got sauce all over her fingers and she licks her lips clean instead of using a napkin- and Yonghwa wonders suddenly why he feels the need to keep up that perfect façade around Seohyun all the time.
Maybe it’s because he cares more about her than Victoria; because it’s Seohyun who he wants to impress.
(maybe because who he really is, isn’t enough for her)
They have a photoshoot to endorse some couple rings and Seohyun’s wearing the most gorgeous summer dress, white, strapless and fitting, yet not overly tight. She sits on his leg, hem of the dress just above her knees and her hand on his face, his arms around her waist. She leans closer to sit poor securely and he breathes in her familiar vanilla, orange blossom perfume. Seohyun is smiling as they take the photos, her long, wavy hair framing her face perfectly and he feels so proud as he holds her, as if she is really his to treasure and love.
Seohyun’s the kind of girl his parents would want him to marry, the kind of girl any parent would want as a daughter in law and Yonghwa thinks that it would be so easy if they really did marry, so perfect like the endings you only saw in fairytales.
It’s Jonghyun’s birthday and Yonghwa spends all his spare time the week before, walking through the side streets and hidden corners of Seoul trying to find something perfect. He ends up in Hongdae, looking for a guitar shop Jaejin recommended when he catches sight of a little bookshop on the side and immediately thinks oh fuck, because they were going to the norebang this week and he was supposed to have written her a song.
He rushes back to the dormitory and sits there with his guitar and Yonghwa spends fourty-two minutes in the same spot trying to rhyme Hyun with fancy words and romantic phrases, before he goes on the computer and stares at pictures of them together for inspiration.
Two days and five hours of sleep later, Yonghwa’s strumming his guitar and singing to Seohyun, eyes closed and voice a little raw, even if it’s subtle enough that no one would probably notice.
I fell for you on a rollercoaster…you left my heart in the air, no, took it with you and sped away, away and up into the sky, ohhh, so let’s take the books on your shelf and throw them away, write our own love story, better than any you’ll read...
Seohyun’s smiling, reallly smiling and she grabs his hand, pulling him into a hug. “It’s beautiful,” she whispers, “you’re really talented, Yong! I love it so much!” and Yonghwa feels his heart warm, because those words made everything worth it. Worth the exhaustion, worth working his ass off and worth not being able to get Jonghyun a birthday present on time.
He sees it written on Seohyun’s script later, as he drops onto the couch for a quick nap and it’s a hard blow, a punch right in the stomach and Yonghwa lets his head drop onto the leather seat, eyes sliding shut and the darkness dragging him downwards.
Yonghwa wakes up in his bed, head spinning and heart heavy. He tries to move, stopping abruptly as he feels a weight against his arm, looking down and seeing Jonghyun sleeping on the side of his bed. Yonghwa feels a pang in his heart and his throat close up at the uncomfortable position the other is in, reaching out a hand and brushing Jonghyun’s hair out of his face.
Jonghyun stirs, shooting up immediately at seeing Yonghwa awake. “Are you okay? What happened? How come you collapsed? Did-”
The worry in his best friend’s face only made the guilt in his heart grow. “Seohyun…I had to write her a song and-” Yonghwa bites his lip at the flash of hurt in Jonghyun’s eyes, quickly shuttered but there nonetheless and he realized how he sounded. Quickly grabbing Jonghyun’s hand in his own, he urges the other man to meet his gaze. “Jonghyun-ah, I meant that’s why I missed your birthday, I didn’t forget! I’m sorry, I wanted to-”
Jonghyun swats at his arm, eyes a little too bright. “You were sick, you idiot! Don’t be stupid.” The affection and quiet relief in Jonghyun’s voice is enough to make Yonghwa smile, the weight in his chest lifting as Jonghyun smiles back at him.
He goes to look for her that week, when they are both backstage at a show he’s hosting and she’s performing in. She’s there with a few people from her company, Kyuhyun and Victoria included and Yonghwa blinks at seeing Nichkhun with his arms around Victoria's waist.
“Hey, Se-Hyun.”
Seohyun looks up and immediately her smile gets brighter, too bright and she glances around quickly. Her eyes are darkened with more makeup then he’s used to seeing her with, but even then Yonghwa can see the confusion and wariness in those brown orbs as Seohyun fails to see any cameras following him.
“What are you doing here?” she asks him later, when she’s sure there are no hidden cameras. “Are you alright?” Seohyun’s frowning, brows creased and eyes troubled, as if the only reason why Yonghwa would come see her outside of their filming, was if something terrible had happened.
He doesn’t know if he’s here to apologise for screwing up the recording or if he wants to ask what she really thinks of his song. “I just wanted to see you.”
“Oh.” Her expression smooths out to almost blank and the single word seems to echo hollowly.
In that moment, Yonghwa knows that it’s the end, the end of something that never really even began and that they can never be anything more than what they already are.
Somehow, the realisation hurts less than that one look of pain in Jonghyun’s eyes.
Yonghwa pulls an all nighter despite the others warning him not to, curled up on the sit in his room with Jonghyun’s guitar and he lets the music flow with the memories of the past dancing behind his closed eyes.
Playing on the streets of Tokyo, having an impromptu battle with a Japanese band; huddling backstage of a club for their first gig, sitting together in the last row of seats on the 2:12 bus eating leftover sushi; ditching the t-shirts and jeans they usually wore for borrowed suits and doing their own photoshoots, trying to make their own guitar pick, running around passing flyers for their show-
The music comes easily, from somewhere deep inside and there are no words, no fancy lyrics, but he pours everything into it, lets the music say all that he doesn’t know how to. It ends up over four minutes long and at the last moment, he sends the whole thing to Seohyun without any elaboration, because maybe, just maybe she’ll understand. She tells him that it’s a really nice backing, he should show her when he finishes it and something drops in Yonghwa’s stomach, because it is finished, it’s his heart strummed into chords and rifts and if she as his ‘wife’ didn’t understand that then-
Jonghyun does, understands everything Yonghwa’s trying to say and he can tell, because the other tears up as Yonghwa plays, throwing both arms around him when he finishes and holding on tight. Jonghyun’s smiling and so is Yonghwa, because all the memories are precious even the bittersweet ones and more importantly, the memories are theirs.
The morning is still hours away and there’s barely enough light in the room to see anything, but Yonghwa reaches over and shakes Jonghyun awake, his best friend groaning as he sees Yonghwa leaning over him, waving something at him.
“What- Yonghwa, it’s like…four in the morning, what are you-” Jonghyun mutters sleepily, rubbing his eyes and stopping short as he sees what’s in Yonghwa’s hands.
“Two tickets to Tokyo, departing today.” Yonghwa’s eyes are bright and completely awake, as he gazes at the other man. “Jonghyun, come with me.” Excitement starts to bubble up inside him as a grin spreads slowly across Jonghyun’s face. “Come on, let’s go crazy.”
Jonghyun laughs, the kind of husky, rich laughter that Yonghwa loves and he’s feeling younger all of a sudden, back when everything was new and thrilling. “You’ll go right?”
There’s a pause and Yonghwa has never been more nervous, but then Jonghyun chuckles, “of course, wherever you will go,” and it’s just so perfect in that moment Yonghwa wants to grab a pen and paper and write a song right then and there.
It would’ve been easy in this moment, Yonghwa thinks as he glances at Jonghyun beside him. To write a song, to do anything; to have everything he ever wanted.
Or maybe he already does.
//
omg i wrote a story without smut and without geng and without real angst, the world must be ending. and also yes, both Let's Go Crazy and Wherever You Will Go are referencing the songs CN.BLUE have sung :D
<3
Title: Wherever You Will Go
Pairing: Jonghwa (Jonghyun/Yonghwa), side!Yongseo, Khuntoria,
Rating: PG-13
Genre: light angst, fluff, light crack?
Summary: It takes him a bowl of jajungmyun, a ruined script, a children's movie, a late present, a backstage encounter and a song to make him realise what he really wants.
Word Count: approx. 2980
Wherever You Will Go
The door pushes open with a squeak and a ‘hey’ and Yonghwa glances up from the script, eyes widening as he sees Jonghyun in the doorway. Jonghyun’s smiling but it doesn’t quite light up his eyes the way they do on a lazy Sunday afternoon spent doing nothing but eating ramyun and composing together-
“What are you doing here?” Yonghwa half stands, but Jonghyun waves him down, stepping into the room and drops a plastic bag in Yonghwa’s lap and he yelps at the heat before breaking into a smile as the delicious aroma hits him.
Jonghyun snickers and pokes him in the shoulder, even if his eyes retain that glaze of seriousness. “Can’t a bandmate visit you on set?”
The taller man drops onto the couch beside him and pops open the wooden chopsticks, digging into his jajungmyun like this visit was the most natural thing in the world. Jonghyun shoves Yonghwa over a little, one leg half crossed, bony knee digging into Yonghwa’s thigh.
It’s a moment before either of them speaks again and it’s Jonghyun who does, mouth full of noodles. ‘What are you guys doing today? I heard Minhyuk say something about-,” Jonghyun pauses to chew for a moment, “-a norebang date.”
Yonghwa shifts, feeling slightly uncomfortable despite himself and he clears his throat noisily. “No that’s weeks away. We’ve got a farm date today.’
Jonghyun nods, head bent over the bowl so he won’t get any sauce on the white couch and Yonghwa takes pity on him and slides his script into the other’s lap to use as a placemat of sorts.
They sit there for ten minutes longer than Yonghwa usually takes for lunch, pressed up on the couch and getting their hands sticky because Yonghwa’s chopstick splinters and Jonghyun offers to feed him, which somehow turns into them trying to pick up noodles with one chopstick each. They fail miserably, of course and Yonghwa blames Jonghyun’s crappy chopstick skills and the other man leaves him to eat with his hands.
Their manager comes in to tell him to hurry, Seohyun’s waiting for you and what are you even doing here Jonghyun, and Yonghwa wipes his hand on the closest thing, and it’s not until he pushes off the couch and Jonghyun’s out the door that he realises it’s his script and that he really doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say now. He’s mostly panicking, a hint scared; part of him cares less than he thinks he should.
("You have such a nice voice", he stutters and folds his hands in his lap repeatedly until he realises she’s doing the exact same thing. "We should go somewhere…where we can sing".
It’s awfully awkward and even Seohyun cringes and Yonghwa does too, even if the cameras are still rolling, because he’s not a sweet talker, never has been and he curses Jonghyun and his jajungmyun and bony knees and especially those half smiles that Yonghwa always want to make whole.)
Seohyun is sweet as they come, warm smiles and soft eyes, innocent little touches here and there and it’s not very hard to fall for her, especially since they were already pretending to be married.
Yonghwa likes how she folds her hands and covers her mouth when she laughs, but even more when she really is happy and forgets to, head thrown back and teeth showing. He likes the way she sings, not just her voice, but that shyness, as if she was still unaware of just how good she is.
She makes him cupcakes on his birthday- chocolate and banana with adorable little music notes on top- and Yonghwa is ridiculously happy all day, his mood light and his laughs genuine as he swats at Minhyuk to stop stealing his cupcakes, my wife made them for me-
(-and it’s all on camera of course)
They record songs for their new album, over ten hours in the recording studio in one go and Yonghwa’s beyond exhausted and he falls asleep against the window the second the door of the van shuts. Hands pull at him and he whimpers, but the next second he’s pressed against warm skin and there’s an arm around his shoulders. For a moment, Yonghwa considers opening his eyes, because he was the leader now and it should be him taking care of the others, not the other way around. But even on the edge of sleep, Yonghwa knows it’s Jonghyun- green tea and vanilla and sandalwood- and that makes it okay (makes everything okay), because there was a time when it was Jonghyun looking after him and even after all this time, Yonghwa has never been able to stop needing that warmth.
Even after so long, Seohyun hasn’t lost her awkwardness towards him. Most times, Yonghwa likes to think of it as her general way of interacting with guys, but he’s seen her, seen her with her eyes wide and her smile bright, hands moving excitedly as she talked. Yonghwa’s see her with Cho Kyuhyun and he almost feels guilty for holding onto her, when it’s so obvious to everyone that she’s in love with the man.
They hold hands as they skate around the ice rink and they have to pretend that he knows what he’s doing, when in fact it’s Seohyun who is keeping Yonghwa upright, hands gripping tight, even as she makes soft, scared noises.
Nichkhun can’t skate either, only he’s not pretending he can, clutching like a teddy bear to Victoria with a pout and sending them both tumbling to the ground, arms around each other as they slide a good few meters across the ice on their asses. Yonghwa wonders why they can’t be like that, Seohyun and him, open and easy and not perfect, but then he realizes they can’t pull it off, not with their awkwardness and distance even after so long. They can’t just sit there in such a silly position and simply laugh into each others’ shoulders and make it spark.
“Hey, beef or chicken?”
Yonghwa looks up and squints at Jonghyun in the kitchen, holding up two bowls of instant noodles and hair messily tousled from his shower.
“Um, beef,” he replies almost instinctively, because he’s been spending too much time with Jinki lately and Yonghwa has learnt the hard way to never ever steal chicken from the other man.
Jonghyun raises an eyebrow with a small smile, peeling back the paper lid and pouring the boiling water inside. “You’re so weird, it’s not like Jinki is going to come hunt you down, because you ate a bowl of chicken noodles.”
Yonghwa laughs, not just because it’s so ridiculous the way Jonghyun says it deadpanned, but the fact that the other can pick up on what’s going through his head. “You haven’t seen Jinki when it comes to chicken.”
He gets up and walks into the kitchen, taking both bowls and wincing at how hot they were, throwing Jonghyun a dirty look as the other snickered. “Seriously, last time he made me watch Chicken Little and Chicken Run. Whilst eating Mexicana chicken!”
Jonghyun’s laughing openly now, eyes disappearing into slits and mouth open, and when this Jonghyun is so rare and wonderful that Yonghwa throws in an exaggerated squawk and flaps his arms like wings just to make the other not stop. It works, because Jonghyun’s clutching his stomach and laughing so hard he stops making any sound and Yonghwa joins in, because the sound is so incredibly contagious.
They laugh like kids, laughing long after the initial joke and simply at each other. By the time they finally settled down enough to eat, their noodles are lukewarm at best and Jonghyun pushes away from the couch, muttering something about Yonghwa being totally immature. He slides a disc into the DVD player and plops back on the couch, Yonghwa almost snorting his noodles through his nose when Finding Nemo starts playing.
He looks down at Jonghyun in his lap and the other stares back, his face completely blank as he says, “I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy” perfectly in Dory’s voice and Yonghwa laughs so hard he doubles over and the two of them start all over again.
There’s a special episode for We Got Married and Yonghwa spends the day with Victoria instead of Seohyun and the two of them get along effortlessly, laughing and shouting as they bowled and played pool and shot zombies on fake rifles. Victoria owns him in everything but pool and they have pizza for lunch, the two of them sitting on a see-saw digging into a large margherita with their hands. It’s more fun than it probably should’ve been, but Yonghwa doesn’t really care, because Victoria’s having fun too, eyes sparkling and smiling as she bites into the hard crust.
He doesn’t have to act around her, because she’s not Seohyun and Victoria’s doesn’t care if he eats messily or gets sauce on his pants- she’s got sauce all over her fingers and she licks her lips clean instead of using a napkin- and Yonghwa wonders suddenly why he feels the need to keep up that perfect façade around Seohyun all the time.
Maybe it’s because he cares more about her than Victoria; because it’s Seohyun who he wants to impress.
(maybe because who he really is, isn’t enough for her)
They have a photoshoot to endorse some couple rings and Seohyun’s wearing the most gorgeous summer dress, white, strapless and fitting, yet not overly tight. She sits on his leg, hem of the dress just above her knees and her hand on his face, his arms around her waist. She leans closer to sit poor securely and he breathes in her familiar vanilla, orange blossom perfume. Seohyun is smiling as they take the photos, her long, wavy hair framing her face perfectly and he feels so proud as he holds her, as if she is really his to treasure and love.
Seohyun’s the kind of girl his parents would want him to marry, the kind of girl any parent would want as a daughter in law and Yonghwa thinks that it would be so easy if they really did marry, so perfect like the endings you only saw in fairytales.
It’s Jonghyun’s birthday and Yonghwa spends all his spare time the week before, walking through the side streets and hidden corners of Seoul trying to find something perfect. He ends up in Hongdae, looking for a guitar shop Jaejin recommended when he catches sight of a little bookshop on the side and immediately thinks oh fuck, because they were going to the norebang this week and he was supposed to have written her a song.
He rushes back to the dormitory and sits there with his guitar and Yonghwa spends fourty-two minutes in the same spot trying to rhyme Hyun with fancy words and romantic phrases, before he goes on the computer and stares at pictures of them together for inspiration.
Two days and five hours of sleep later, Yonghwa’s strumming his guitar and singing to Seohyun, eyes closed and voice a little raw, even if it’s subtle enough that no one would probably notice.
I fell for you on a rollercoaster…you left my heart in the air, no, took it with you and sped away, away and up into the sky, ohhh, so let’s take the books on your shelf and throw them away, write our own love story, better than any you’ll read...
Seohyun’s smiling, reallly smiling and she grabs his hand, pulling him into a hug. “It’s beautiful,” she whispers, “you’re really talented, Yong! I love it so much!” and Yonghwa feels his heart warm, because those words made everything worth it. Worth the exhaustion, worth working his ass off and worth not being able to get Jonghyun a birthday present on time.
He sees it written on Seohyun’s script later, as he drops onto the couch for a quick nap and it’s a hard blow, a punch right in the stomach and Yonghwa lets his head drop onto the leather seat, eyes sliding shut and the darkness dragging him downwards.
Yonghwa wakes up in his bed, head spinning and heart heavy. He tries to move, stopping abruptly as he feels a weight against his arm, looking down and seeing Jonghyun sleeping on the side of his bed. Yonghwa feels a pang in his heart and his throat close up at the uncomfortable position the other is in, reaching out a hand and brushing Jonghyun’s hair out of his face.
Jonghyun stirs, shooting up immediately at seeing Yonghwa awake. “Are you okay? What happened? How come you collapsed? Did-”
The worry in his best friend’s face only made the guilt in his heart grow. “Seohyun…I had to write her a song and-” Yonghwa bites his lip at the flash of hurt in Jonghyun’s eyes, quickly shuttered but there nonetheless and he realized how he sounded. Quickly grabbing Jonghyun’s hand in his own, he urges the other man to meet his gaze. “Jonghyun-ah, I meant that’s why I missed your birthday, I didn’t forget! I’m sorry, I wanted to-”
Jonghyun swats at his arm, eyes a little too bright. “You were sick, you idiot! Don’t be stupid.” The affection and quiet relief in Jonghyun’s voice is enough to make Yonghwa smile, the weight in his chest lifting as Jonghyun smiles back at him.
He goes to look for her that week, when they are both backstage at a show he’s hosting and she’s performing in. She’s there with a few people from her company, Kyuhyun and Victoria included and Yonghwa blinks at seeing Nichkhun with his arms around Victoria's waist.
“Hey, Se-Hyun.”
Seohyun looks up and immediately her smile gets brighter, too bright and she glances around quickly. Her eyes are darkened with more makeup then he’s used to seeing her with, but even then Yonghwa can see the confusion and wariness in those brown orbs as Seohyun fails to see any cameras following him.
“What are you doing here?” she asks him later, when she’s sure there are no hidden cameras. “Are you alright?” Seohyun’s frowning, brows creased and eyes troubled, as if the only reason why Yonghwa would come see her outside of their filming, was if something terrible had happened.
He doesn’t know if he’s here to apologise for screwing up the recording or if he wants to ask what she really thinks of his song. “I just wanted to see you.”
“Oh.” Her expression smooths out to almost blank and the single word seems to echo hollowly.
In that moment, Yonghwa knows that it’s the end, the end of something that never really even began and that they can never be anything more than what they already are.
Somehow, the realisation hurts less than that one look of pain in Jonghyun’s eyes.
Yonghwa pulls an all nighter despite the others warning him not to, curled up on the sit in his room with Jonghyun’s guitar and he lets the music flow with the memories of the past dancing behind his closed eyes.
Playing on the streets of Tokyo, having an impromptu battle with a Japanese band; huddling backstage of a club for their first gig, sitting together in the last row of seats on the 2:12 bus eating leftover sushi; ditching the t-shirts and jeans they usually wore for borrowed suits and doing their own photoshoots, trying to make their own guitar pick, running around passing flyers for their show-
The music comes easily, from somewhere deep inside and there are no words, no fancy lyrics, but he pours everything into it, lets the music say all that he doesn’t know how to. It ends up over four minutes long and at the last moment, he sends the whole thing to Seohyun without any elaboration, because maybe, just maybe she’ll understand. She tells him that it’s a really nice backing, he should show her when he finishes it and something drops in Yonghwa’s stomach, because it is finished, it’s his heart strummed into chords and rifts and if she as his ‘wife’ didn’t understand that then-
Jonghyun does, understands everything Yonghwa’s trying to say and he can tell, because the other tears up as Yonghwa plays, throwing both arms around him when he finishes and holding on tight. Jonghyun’s smiling and so is Yonghwa, because all the memories are precious even the bittersweet ones and more importantly, the memories are theirs.
The morning is still hours away and there’s barely enough light in the room to see anything, but Yonghwa reaches over and shakes Jonghyun awake, his best friend groaning as he sees Yonghwa leaning over him, waving something at him.
“What- Yonghwa, it’s like…four in the morning, what are you-” Jonghyun mutters sleepily, rubbing his eyes and stopping short as he sees what’s in Yonghwa’s hands.
“Two tickets to Tokyo, departing today.” Yonghwa’s eyes are bright and completely awake, as he gazes at the other man. “Jonghyun, come with me.” Excitement starts to bubble up inside him as a grin spreads slowly across Jonghyun’s face. “Come on, let’s go crazy.”
Jonghyun laughs, the kind of husky, rich laughter that Yonghwa loves and he’s feeling younger all of a sudden, back when everything was new and thrilling. “You’ll go right?”
There’s a pause and Yonghwa has never been more nervous, but then Jonghyun chuckles, “of course, wherever you will go,” and it’s just so perfect in that moment Yonghwa wants to grab a pen and paper and write a song right then and there.
It would’ve been easy in this moment, Yonghwa thinks as he glances at Jonghyun beside him. To write a song, to do anything; to have everything he ever wanted.
Or maybe he already does.
//
omg i wrote a story without smut and without geng and without real angst, the world must be ending. and also yes, both Let's Go Crazy and Wherever You Will Go are referencing the songs CN.BLUE have sung :D
<3