[SHINee] (old) Lost With(out) You
lost with(out) you
jonghyun/minho; r; ~2500w
despite what others think, jonghyun does have a heart. it's just beating somewhere else.
Ring ring.
Minho doesn’t need to check the caller ID. He already knows who it is.
“Yoboseyo?”
“Now.”
Minho takes a shuddering breath and runs his hands nervously through his hair. Now. Such a simple mono-syllable word-it means absolutely everything to Minho.
“Where are you?” Soft chuckling comes from the other end, laughter that makes Minho’s heart skip several beats and he involuntarily clutches his phone harder. He bites his lip and restrains himself from asking a second time. Because he knows he’ll kill the moment if he says the wrong words.
“I’m at your place.” The line goes dead and Minho stares at his blank phone, the gorgeous voice has disappeared for now, and the owner of that voice is at Minho’s apartment. Most likely curled up on the couch watching a drama re-run or lounging on Minho’s bed flipping through his fashion magazines. Images of the older man fill Minho’s head and his heart swells.
He runs to his apartment.
Minho knows exactly how long he’s been sleeping around with the son of his boss’s fashion company. He can count the days on his fingers, three times around, and can whisper the hours, minutes, seconds in the secret crevices of his mind. Thirty-three days. Thirty-three days since his normally stable and nuclear was rudely interrupted and turned upside down by none other than the ever-popular, lady-charmer, Kim Jonghyun.
“Son, meet Minho,” Senior Kim had introduced Minho gruffly to Jonghyun. “He’s a year younger than you but we’ve already got high hopes for him. He’s efficient in design and doesn’t have a bad face either. Maybe we can put you up as a model eh?” Minho had smiled politely at the man’s words and bowed respectfully towards Jonghyun.
“Very nice to meet you.” Minho remembers Jonghyun’s smirk as he stuck out a hand to clapse Minho’s tightly.
“Likewise.” Minho can’t remember Jonghyun’s exact words but he does remember how entranced he was by the older boy, his sharp jaw line, his sexy smile, his expressive voice. Minho remembers the wink Jonghyun sent him while his father was presenting the new fall line. Minho remembers the heat rushing to his face and tearing his gaze away from Jonghyun’s to pay attention to the lecture only for his eyes to be drawn back to those sly eyes again.
(“Choi Minho,” Jonghyun announced lazily slamming a cup of coffee on Minho’s desk. Minho looked up from his sketch in surprise, eyes slightly wider than usual, pencil paused in midair. Jonghyun cocked his head and smirked. Minho swallowed heavily and lowered his eyes.
“Good morning Jonghyun sshi…” Minho concentrated on his sketch in front of him, focusing on the scribbled lines and the intricate details, giving it his all in ignoring the glorious creature in front of him that had flown in from nowhere. Minho was surely surprised by this visit. Why would the Kim Jonghyun come to visit him? Minho couldn’t fathom why. He looked up at the sound of Jonghyun’s ringing laughter.
“Jonghyun sshi? Come on, I’m not that much older than you. Plus it sounds…so gross. Ughh I feel old now.” Jonghyun wrinkled his nose in annoyance and Minho tried not to smile at the utter cuteness of it. Much to Minho’s chagrin, Jonghyun noticed his surpressed smile and grinned eagerly. He leaned in and tapped Minho’s nose. “I brought you coffee~” he sang pointing to the lonely cup on his desk. Minho cleared his throat and immediately picked up the cup.
“Ah yes. Thank you very much.” The younger boy quickly took a sip only to wince when the surprisingly hot liquid burned his poor tongue. Jonghyun laughed again and Minho stared as the older boy threw his head back, rich voice echoing through the office. Some of his fellow workers stopped to look who was making all the commotion but turned away when they saw that it was the boss’s eccentric boy.
“You’re cute,” Jonghyun said finally gasping for air after he’d finished laughing. Minho flushed horribly and he looked down at the coffee cup and tapped his fingers against it. Jonghyun placed his hand over Minho’s causing Minho to jump up in surprise. Jonghyun smiled his dazzling smile making Minho’s brain melt to a useless bunch of goop.
“Call me?” Jonghyun asked before leaning down and rubbing his nose against Minho’s. Before Minho could say anything or do anything-though in reality he really had no idea what the fuck he could’ve said or done-Jonghyun had already started walking away, his hand raised up high in farewell. Stunned, Minho stared in front of him, at the empty space Jonghyun had occupied before looking down at his coffee cup again.
Call him…? Minho peered at the other side of the cup. He wasn’t sure if he should laugh or die when he saw Jonghyun’s cell phone number scrawled messily on the Dixie cup, a little immature heart next to the digits.
Minho took another sip and burned his tongue again.)
Jonghyun raises an eyebrow from his position on the couch when Minho slams door open and stumbles into the apartment. “Did you run here?” he asks amused, putting the newspaper aside and getting up to get the gasping boy a glass of water. “Unbelievable endurance. You’re amazing, really.”
Minho is bent back, hands on his knees, and panting allowing the sweet air to rush into their deprived lungs. He mock-glares at Jonghyun when the older presents him with his water. “You’re an ass.” Jonghyun smiles, albeit too beautifully.
“Sure sure.” He pats Minho’s back as the other gulps down the water. Minho lets out a satisfied “ahh.”
“Thanks hyung.” Jonghyun scrunches up his nose and stares at the younger.
“Whatever.” It’s sorta weird when you call me hyung.
Minho laughs and looks back at Jonghyun eyes dark and expressive. I know.
It’s okay I like it. And Minho smiles and cups Jonghyun’s cheek and leans in for a kiss. Jonghyun already has his eyes closed. They both sigh at the same time, once because they know how long it’s been, another because they know how wrong it is.
“I’m a jerk,” Jonghyun mumbles against Minho’s lips and Minho laughs again, chest rumbling and pulls Jonghyun closer. It’s these moments before they do what they do when Minho likes Jonghyun best, Jonghyun vulnerable and open, heart willing and needy. Because despite but others might say, Jonghyun does have a heart.
It’s just beating somewhere else.
“I’ll find it,” Minho swears softly and Jonghyun laughs because he knows what Minho’s talking about but at the same time he knows absolutely nothing.
“Good luck.” And when Jonghyun tugs Minho’s sleeve to get him into the living room, Minho knows that the moment is over, that the spell has been broken and now that familiar sly smirk is back in place. That smirk that promises him of things to come, of pleasure to be felt.
And Minho follows obediently.
(Minho had been surprised when Jonghyun sauntered up to his desk earlier that week and presented him with a ticket to his concert.
“You sing?” Minho asked incredulously. Jonghyun frowned in annoyance.
“Yah what kind of response is that?” Jonghyun demanded, hands on his hips. Minho covered his mouth with his hand and tried not to laugh because-“Why are you laughing?!” Jonghyun’s frown deepened and he glared at Minho.
“…You really look like a girl with your hands on your hips Jonghyun sshi…” Jonghyun pulled back horrified before grabbing one of the pamphlets on Minho’s desk and promptly smacking the younger on the head with it. This time Minho really did laugh.
“Choi Minho, you jerk.” Jonghyun huffed and walked off and Minho watched his retreating back in slight disappointment at the fact that their daily banter had come to an end. “Oh.” Jonghyun paused and turned to give Minho an odd little smile. An odd little smile that made Minho’s heart flutter for moment. “Make sure you come.”
And here he was. “Hi.” This is so awkward. Jonghyun looked up from his music sheet a wide grin immediately blooming on his face.
“Hey!” he said cheerfully standing up and patting Minho on the arm. “I didn’t think you would come!” Minho shrugged and offered Jonghyun a small smile.
“Well it’s not every day that you get invited to a concert…” Jonghyun laughs and rubs the back of his head sheepishly.
“It’s not much, it’s just my concert.”
Minho smiles. “And I wouldn’t miss it.” Jonghyun blushes a bit and looks back down on his music sheet. Minho’s heart beats erratically. Did he manage to actually be smooth, pull a cool move in front of Kim Jonghyun? No freaking way.
Today is my lucky day…
“Good luck,” he said softly patting Jonghyun on the back. Jonghyun flashed him a nervous smile and nodded. Minho smiled back. He’s been smiling a lot lately. “I’ll be in the crowd. Look for me?” Jonghyun nodded again, a bit more enthusiastically this time around. Minho felt his smile grow. “Good.”
This was new, refreshing, different from the playful flirty Jonghyun he saw so much at work. The teasing Jonghyun that liked to come bother him while he was trying to finish his deadline, the laughing Jonghyun that liked to fluster him with inappropriate comments.
No-Minho liked this Jonghyun a lot better.
And fifteen minutes later, when Minho is comfortably settled in his seat, and the lights dim down to signify the start of the concert, Minho watches in awe as Jonghyun begins to sing, his powerful voice echoing through the stage.
Jonghyun caught his face in the crowd and sent him that odd little smile. Minho melted in his seat, different from the melting he usually does when Jonghyun leans to whisper in his ear with his coy smirk.
A lot better.)
Minho grips the arms of the loveseat as Jonghyun slides his tongue down his naked chest pausing to nip at the skin between his bellybutton and the front of his jeans. Minho gasps. “Jonghyun-“ and Jonghyun chuckles softly, huskily.
“I waited for you, you know,” Jonghyun comments lightly as his fingers dance their way on Minho’s skin, purposely touching lightly and reveling in the way Minho arches forward, craving for more contact. “You should be punished for taking so long.” Jonghyun curls his hand around Minho’s neck, lifting himself from off the ground and settles comfortably in Minho’s lap.
Minho kisses him eagerly, hungrily, and Jonghyun kisses back-albeit more slowly because he knows how much it bugs Minho-snaking his hands up and down Minho’s chest. Minho’s tongue probes Jonghyun’s mouth and Jonghyun lets him enter-and the two of their tongues wrestle for dominance. Jonghyun gets caught up and tangles his hands in Minho’s soft hair and shivers when he hears Minho’s deep moan.
Minho is panting when they pull away and Jonghyun stares for a moment, absolutely quiet and still, watches the frantic rising and falling of Minho’s chest. His fingers make their way down to Minho’s jeans and Jonghyun’s fingers curl in the right place and Minho freezes, breath gone. “Hyung-”
“Shh.” Jonghyun presses his lips gently against Minho’s and adjusts his legs’ position, wrapping them around Minho’s waist. He holds himself above Minho for a while, pausing to bite at his donsaeng’s neck. Minho whimpers and Jonghyun sucks and nips until he’s sure he’s made a mark.
He leans up to look at Minho’s eyes and tries to ignore the seed of discontent and guilt placed heavily at the pit of his stomach when he takes note of Minho’s adoring eyes. He won’t stop looking at him.
Jonghyun can’t breathe but decides to use it to his advantage.
“You’re mine,” he manages to hiss before lowering himself down.
Their first time sucked.
They did it in the back seat of Jonghyun’s father’s car. The tiny back seat. Minho’s legs are cramped and aching but he bit his lip and said nothing, focusing on matching the rocking of his hips with Jonghyun’s, losing himself in Jonghyun’s throaty moans. He threw his head back and tried not to wince when it collided with the back window.
“Things are different now aren’t they?” Minho asked cautiously after he had slipped his pants back on. Jonghyun paused in the buttoning of his shirt and turned to Minho with a quizzical expression.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It sounded more like a question rather than a statement. Minho ignored the crushing feeling in his heart and smiled, offered to take Jonghyun to grab some Chinese food. Jonghyun heartily agreed and they set out, leaving behind their sins and their hearts in the back seat of the van.
And that was the start of it all.
Jonghyun called Minho whenever he felt like having a good fuck. “Why me?” Minho used to ask gasping as Jonghyun slid down his body. Jonghyun would shrug and give him his odd little smile. Minho’s heart would flutter before he lost himself again. Minho lost track of how many times they had done it, so many it had almost become routine.
Their phone conversations went from hours to an hour to 20 minutes to two minutes.
Jonghyun would call, tell him the time and place, and Minho would run.
And that was pretty much all there was to it. It was pretty fucked up, Minho had admitted that to himself a long time ago. Yet he couldn’t leave, he couldn’t let himself go no matter how much he wanted to. Jonghyun had drawn him in with his shining aura and Minho had made the mistake of looking, looking at the forbidden.
Now he had full access to the forbidden.
It should make him happy, but it didn’t. It never would. He wanted so much more. He wanted Jonghyun.
And Jonghyun knew that.
Minho couldn’t even come close to describing their relationship. At first it was just for the sex, but as it became more frequent and Jonghyun became more demanding, Minho wondered if it really was the sex anymore. Minho wondered, hoped, that Jonghyun purposely did it as to make sure Minho knew what their relationship was. Sex and nothing more.
But it was so much more.
“I don’t love you,” Jonghyun said quietly one day while they were laying in Minho’s bed. Minho looked up at the ceiling and sighed heavily.
“Okay.” Minho listened as Jonghyun got up and walked to the shower. He listened to Jonghyun turn the water on full blast, listen to the loud splashing of water, the whirring sounds of the heater.
None of that covered up Jonghyun’s cries.)
Minho wakes up and is surprised to see Jonghyun’s arms wrapped tightly around him, as if he’s afraid to let go. He taps Jonghyun’s forearm gently. “Hyung I need to go.” Minho feels Jonghyun’s head shake “no” against his back. Minho sighs. “Hyung-“
“Hate me.” It’s said in so soft a whisper that Minho barely catches it. But he does.
“What?”
“Hate me.” Jonghyun says it louder this time with more conviction. “God Minho, why don’t you hate me? I mean, I can’t-“ And Minho starts to laugh softly and slowly because he’s afraid if he laughs too hard he might end up crying instead.
“I could never hate you Kim Jonghyun. And you know that.”
And Jonghyun weeps into Minho’s back mouthing Why? over and over again so that’s it’s engraved permanently in Minho’s skin, etched forever with Jonghyun’s tears.
jonghyun/minho; r; ~2500w
despite what others think, jonghyun does have a heart. it's just beating somewhere else.
Ring ring.
Minho doesn’t need to check the caller ID. He already knows who it is.
“Yoboseyo?”
“Now.”
Minho takes a shuddering breath and runs his hands nervously through his hair. Now. Such a simple mono-syllable word-it means absolutely everything to Minho.
“Where are you?” Soft chuckling comes from the other end, laughter that makes Minho’s heart skip several beats and he involuntarily clutches his phone harder. He bites his lip and restrains himself from asking a second time. Because he knows he’ll kill the moment if he says the wrong words.
“I’m at your place.” The line goes dead and Minho stares at his blank phone, the gorgeous voice has disappeared for now, and the owner of that voice is at Minho’s apartment. Most likely curled up on the couch watching a drama re-run or lounging on Minho’s bed flipping through his fashion magazines. Images of the older man fill Minho’s head and his heart swells.
He runs to his apartment.
Minho knows exactly how long he’s been sleeping around with the son of his boss’s fashion company. He can count the days on his fingers, three times around, and can whisper the hours, minutes, seconds in the secret crevices of his mind. Thirty-three days. Thirty-three days since his normally stable and nuclear was rudely interrupted and turned upside down by none other than the ever-popular, lady-charmer, Kim Jonghyun.
“Son, meet Minho,” Senior Kim had introduced Minho gruffly to Jonghyun. “He’s a year younger than you but we’ve already got high hopes for him. He’s efficient in design and doesn’t have a bad face either. Maybe we can put you up as a model eh?” Minho had smiled politely at the man’s words and bowed respectfully towards Jonghyun.
“Very nice to meet you.” Minho remembers Jonghyun’s smirk as he stuck out a hand to clapse Minho’s tightly.
“Likewise.” Minho can’t remember Jonghyun’s exact words but he does remember how entranced he was by the older boy, his sharp jaw line, his sexy smile, his expressive voice. Minho remembers the wink Jonghyun sent him while his father was presenting the new fall line. Minho remembers the heat rushing to his face and tearing his gaze away from Jonghyun’s to pay attention to the lecture only for his eyes to be drawn back to those sly eyes again.
(“Choi Minho,” Jonghyun announced lazily slamming a cup of coffee on Minho’s desk. Minho looked up from his sketch in surprise, eyes slightly wider than usual, pencil paused in midair. Jonghyun cocked his head and smirked. Minho swallowed heavily and lowered his eyes.
“Good morning Jonghyun sshi…” Minho concentrated on his sketch in front of him, focusing on the scribbled lines and the intricate details, giving it his all in ignoring the glorious creature in front of him that had flown in from nowhere. Minho was surely surprised by this visit. Why would the Kim Jonghyun come to visit him? Minho couldn’t fathom why. He looked up at the sound of Jonghyun’s ringing laughter.
“Jonghyun sshi? Come on, I’m not that much older than you. Plus it sounds…so gross. Ughh I feel old now.” Jonghyun wrinkled his nose in annoyance and Minho tried not to smile at the utter cuteness of it. Much to Minho’s chagrin, Jonghyun noticed his surpressed smile and grinned eagerly. He leaned in and tapped Minho’s nose. “I brought you coffee~” he sang pointing to the lonely cup on his desk. Minho cleared his throat and immediately picked up the cup.
“Ah yes. Thank you very much.” The younger boy quickly took a sip only to wince when the surprisingly hot liquid burned his poor tongue. Jonghyun laughed again and Minho stared as the older boy threw his head back, rich voice echoing through the office. Some of his fellow workers stopped to look who was making all the commotion but turned away when they saw that it was the boss’s eccentric boy.
“You’re cute,” Jonghyun said finally gasping for air after he’d finished laughing. Minho flushed horribly and he looked down at the coffee cup and tapped his fingers against it. Jonghyun placed his hand over Minho’s causing Minho to jump up in surprise. Jonghyun smiled his dazzling smile making Minho’s brain melt to a useless bunch of goop.
“Call me?” Jonghyun asked before leaning down and rubbing his nose against Minho’s. Before Minho could say anything or do anything-though in reality he really had no idea what the fuck he could’ve said or done-Jonghyun had already started walking away, his hand raised up high in farewell. Stunned, Minho stared in front of him, at the empty space Jonghyun had occupied before looking down at his coffee cup again.
Call him…? Minho peered at the other side of the cup. He wasn’t sure if he should laugh or die when he saw Jonghyun’s cell phone number scrawled messily on the Dixie cup, a little immature heart next to the digits.
Minho took another sip and burned his tongue again.)
Jonghyun raises an eyebrow from his position on the couch when Minho slams door open and stumbles into the apartment. “Did you run here?” he asks amused, putting the newspaper aside and getting up to get the gasping boy a glass of water. “Unbelievable endurance. You’re amazing, really.”
Minho is bent back, hands on his knees, and panting allowing the sweet air to rush into their deprived lungs. He mock-glares at Jonghyun when the older presents him with his water. “You’re an ass.” Jonghyun smiles, albeit too beautifully.
“Sure sure.” He pats Minho’s back as the other gulps down the water. Minho lets out a satisfied “ahh.”
“Thanks hyung.” Jonghyun scrunches up his nose and stares at the younger.
“Whatever.” It’s sorta weird when you call me hyung.
Minho laughs and looks back at Jonghyun eyes dark and expressive. I know.
It’s okay I like it. And Minho smiles and cups Jonghyun’s cheek and leans in for a kiss. Jonghyun already has his eyes closed. They both sigh at the same time, once because they know how long it’s been, another because they know how wrong it is.
“I’m a jerk,” Jonghyun mumbles against Minho’s lips and Minho laughs again, chest rumbling and pulls Jonghyun closer. It’s these moments before they do what they do when Minho likes Jonghyun best, Jonghyun vulnerable and open, heart willing and needy. Because despite but others might say, Jonghyun does have a heart.
It’s just beating somewhere else.
“I’ll find it,” Minho swears softly and Jonghyun laughs because he knows what Minho’s talking about but at the same time he knows absolutely nothing.
“Good luck.” And when Jonghyun tugs Minho’s sleeve to get him into the living room, Minho knows that the moment is over, that the spell has been broken and now that familiar sly smirk is back in place. That smirk that promises him of things to come, of pleasure to be felt.
And Minho follows obediently.
(Minho had been surprised when Jonghyun sauntered up to his desk earlier that week and presented him with a ticket to his concert.
“You sing?” Minho asked incredulously. Jonghyun frowned in annoyance.
“Yah what kind of response is that?” Jonghyun demanded, hands on his hips. Minho covered his mouth with his hand and tried not to laugh because-“Why are you laughing?!” Jonghyun’s frown deepened and he glared at Minho.
“…You really look like a girl with your hands on your hips Jonghyun sshi…” Jonghyun pulled back horrified before grabbing one of the pamphlets on Minho’s desk and promptly smacking the younger on the head with it. This time Minho really did laugh.
“Choi Minho, you jerk.” Jonghyun huffed and walked off and Minho watched his retreating back in slight disappointment at the fact that their daily banter had come to an end. “Oh.” Jonghyun paused and turned to give Minho an odd little smile. An odd little smile that made Minho’s heart flutter for moment. “Make sure you come.”
And here he was. “Hi.” This is so awkward. Jonghyun looked up from his music sheet a wide grin immediately blooming on his face.
“Hey!” he said cheerfully standing up and patting Minho on the arm. “I didn’t think you would come!” Minho shrugged and offered Jonghyun a small smile.
“Well it’s not every day that you get invited to a concert…” Jonghyun laughs and rubs the back of his head sheepishly.
“It’s not much, it’s just my concert.”
Minho smiles. “And I wouldn’t miss it.” Jonghyun blushes a bit and looks back down on his music sheet. Minho’s heart beats erratically. Did he manage to actually be smooth, pull a cool move in front of Kim Jonghyun? No freaking way.
Today is my lucky day…
“Good luck,” he said softly patting Jonghyun on the back. Jonghyun flashed him a nervous smile and nodded. Minho smiled back. He’s been smiling a lot lately. “I’ll be in the crowd. Look for me?” Jonghyun nodded again, a bit more enthusiastically this time around. Minho felt his smile grow. “Good.”
This was new, refreshing, different from the playful flirty Jonghyun he saw so much at work. The teasing Jonghyun that liked to come bother him while he was trying to finish his deadline, the laughing Jonghyun that liked to fluster him with inappropriate comments.
No-Minho liked this Jonghyun a lot better.
And fifteen minutes later, when Minho is comfortably settled in his seat, and the lights dim down to signify the start of the concert, Minho watches in awe as Jonghyun begins to sing, his powerful voice echoing through the stage.
Jonghyun caught his face in the crowd and sent him that odd little smile. Minho melted in his seat, different from the melting he usually does when Jonghyun leans to whisper in his ear with his coy smirk.
A lot better.)
Minho grips the arms of the loveseat as Jonghyun slides his tongue down his naked chest pausing to nip at the skin between his bellybutton and the front of his jeans. Minho gasps. “Jonghyun-“ and Jonghyun chuckles softly, huskily.
“I waited for you, you know,” Jonghyun comments lightly as his fingers dance their way on Minho’s skin, purposely touching lightly and reveling in the way Minho arches forward, craving for more contact. “You should be punished for taking so long.” Jonghyun curls his hand around Minho’s neck, lifting himself from off the ground and settles comfortably in Minho’s lap.
Minho kisses him eagerly, hungrily, and Jonghyun kisses back-albeit more slowly because he knows how much it bugs Minho-snaking his hands up and down Minho’s chest. Minho’s tongue probes Jonghyun’s mouth and Jonghyun lets him enter-and the two of their tongues wrestle for dominance. Jonghyun gets caught up and tangles his hands in Minho’s soft hair and shivers when he hears Minho’s deep moan.
Minho is panting when they pull away and Jonghyun stares for a moment, absolutely quiet and still, watches the frantic rising and falling of Minho’s chest. His fingers make their way down to Minho’s jeans and Jonghyun’s fingers curl in the right place and Minho freezes, breath gone. “Hyung-”
“Shh.” Jonghyun presses his lips gently against Minho’s and adjusts his legs’ position, wrapping them around Minho’s waist. He holds himself above Minho for a while, pausing to bite at his donsaeng’s neck. Minho whimpers and Jonghyun sucks and nips until he’s sure he’s made a mark.
He leans up to look at Minho’s eyes and tries to ignore the seed of discontent and guilt placed heavily at the pit of his stomach when he takes note of Minho’s adoring eyes. He won’t stop looking at him.
Jonghyun can’t breathe but decides to use it to his advantage.
“You’re mine,” he manages to hiss before lowering himself down.
Their first time sucked.
They did it in the back seat of Jonghyun’s father’s car. The tiny back seat. Minho’s legs are cramped and aching but he bit his lip and said nothing, focusing on matching the rocking of his hips with Jonghyun’s, losing himself in Jonghyun’s throaty moans. He threw his head back and tried not to wince when it collided with the back window.
“Things are different now aren’t they?” Minho asked cautiously after he had slipped his pants back on. Jonghyun paused in the buttoning of his shirt and turned to Minho with a quizzical expression.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It sounded more like a question rather than a statement. Minho ignored the crushing feeling in his heart and smiled, offered to take Jonghyun to grab some Chinese food. Jonghyun heartily agreed and they set out, leaving behind their sins and their hearts in the back seat of the van.
And that was the start of it all.
Jonghyun called Minho whenever he felt like having a good fuck. “Why me?” Minho used to ask gasping as Jonghyun slid down his body. Jonghyun would shrug and give him his odd little smile. Minho’s heart would flutter before he lost himself again. Minho lost track of how many times they had done it, so many it had almost become routine.
Their phone conversations went from hours to an hour to 20 minutes to two minutes.
Jonghyun would call, tell him the time and place, and Minho would run.
And that was pretty much all there was to it. It was pretty fucked up, Minho had admitted that to himself a long time ago. Yet he couldn’t leave, he couldn’t let himself go no matter how much he wanted to. Jonghyun had drawn him in with his shining aura and Minho had made the mistake of looking, looking at the forbidden.
Now he had full access to the forbidden.
It should make him happy, but it didn’t. It never would. He wanted so much more. He wanted Jonghyun.
And Jonghyun knew that.
Minho couldn’t even come close to describing their relationship. At first it was just for the sex, but as it became more frequent and Jonghyun became more demanding, Minho wondered if it really was the sex anymore. Minho wondered, hoped, that Jonghyun purposely did it as to make sure Minho knew what their relationship was. Sex and nothing more.
But it was so much more.
“I don’t love you,” Jonghyun said quietly one day while they were laying in Minho’s bed. Minho looked up at the ceiling and sighed heavily.
“Okay.” Minho listened as Jonghyun got up and walked to the shower. He listened to Jonghyun turn the water on full blast, listen to the loud splashing of water, the whirring sounds of the heater.
None of that covered up Jonghyun’s cries.)
Minho wakes up and is surprised to see Jonghyun’s arms wrapped tightly around him, as if he’s afraid to let go. He taps Jonghyun’s forearm gently. “Hyung I need to go.” Minho feels Jonghyun’s head shake “no” against his back. Minho sighs. “Hyung-“
“Hate me.” It’s said in so soft a whisper that Minho barely catches it. But he does.
“What?”
“Hate me.” Jonghyun says it louder this time with more conviction. “God Minho, why don’t you hate me? I mean, I can’t-“ And Minho starts to laugh softly and slowly because he’s afraid if he laughs too hard he might end up crying instead.
“I could never hate you Kim Jonghyun. And you know that.”
And Jonghyun weeps into Minho’s back mouthing Why? over and over again so that’s it’s engraved permanently in Minho’s skin, etched forever with Jonghyun’s tears.