[SHINee] Pocketful of Sunshine (Part 2)
pocketful of sunshine
onew-centric; r; ~21600w
au; psychology major lee jinki gets the opportunity of a lifetime to work at a prestigious psychiatric clinic. it's there that he meets five curious boys with unusual stories. it's there that he makes a name for himself.
Jinki quietly walked in, eyes automatically searching the room. No Taemin. He sighed shakily and walked over to where Kibum was. Kibum was strangely quiet, occupied with Minho’s Nintendo DS. Jinki leaned over and laughed when he saw the title.
“Cooking Mama eh?” Kibum looked up at him for a moment, expression solemn, before returning to his game. Jinki blinked and looked at Minho who was sitting on a chair across from them.
Minho read the silent question in Jinki’s eyes and got up tiredly. He walked over to where Jonghyun was listening to his headphones and shook the older boy. Jonghyun grunted. He stiffened when he saw Jinki. Jinki glared back.
“What is it?”
“It’s your fault.” Kibum’s voice was quiet. Jinki turned to look at Kibum and immediately wished he hadn’t. Kibum’s eyes were cold and accusing and they pierced right through Jinki’s heart. Jinki swallowed thickly, throat suddenly dry. He knew what Kibum was talking about.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. Kibum began to shake, fingers gripping the sides of the DS tightly.
“You’re sorry? Oh that’s perfect. That will solve everything Jinki. Sorry won’t cut it. Taemin hasn’t come out of his room for two days. He hasn’t eaten for two days. He’s in there crying about Jinwoo or Saebyuk or whatever and you’re fucking sorry.”
Jinki’s eyes watered. Kibum had his hands wrapped loosely around Jinki’s neck, expression furious. “This happens sometimes. Sometimes he snaps. But he always, always returns back to normal. Except for this time. So what’s different? You.”
“That’s enough Kibum,” Jonghyun snapped and Minho quietly slipped behind Kibum and pulled him away from Jinki. Kibum sniffed angrily. Jonghyun walked over to Jinki. His eyes were nervous. “Okay sunbae, I’m not gonna lie. Kibum’s kinda telling the truth. Normally well Taemin flips out, the next day he’s right back to normal. But he’s not…”
Jonghyun stopped talking when tears began to cascade down Jinki’s face. Minho’s eyes widened a bit and even Kibum looked slightly put out. Jonghyun flailed his arms about for a bit. “Shit, don’t cry. I mean it’s just that - sunbae don’t-“
Jinki smiled at all of them, tears still falling. “I’ll fix this you guys,” he vowed hollowly. Jonghyun reached for Jinki.
“Sunbae…
“I promise.
Henry raised an eyebrow at Jinki’s request. “You want to borrow my boom box?” he repeated albeit incredulously. Jinki nodded fervently. Henry stared at Jinki for a while to see if the older boy was joking or not.
Jinki’s eyes were serious.
Henry shrugged. “Okay, whatever you want. It’s just that you’re not the type to blast out music, you know?” Jinki smiled thinly.
“Think of it as a new type of therapy.”
Henry’s eyes widened a bit. “Oh so it’s for Chungnam?” Jinki nodded. Henry hummed in thought.
“Music as therapy…that’s kind of interesting.” Jinki shrugged a bit.
“I suppose.” Henry frowned at Jinki’s unusually listless response and leaned toward his friend. His frown deepened when he saw the bags under Jinki’s red eyes. He looked paler than usual too. Henry gently touched Jinki’s cheek with his left hand. Jinki closed his eyes, exhausted.
“Jinki.” Jinki’s eyes snapped back open when he noticed the drop in the formality. Henry was looking at him with a strange expression, a mixture of anger, anxiety, and was that admiration? Jinki opened his mouth to say something but he ended up slumping towards Henry’s figure.
Henry was quick to wrap his arms around Jinki’s skinny form. “Idiot,” he chided lightly. Jinki mumbled something unintelligible and buried his face in Henry’s shoulder.
“I did something bad. I’m not sure what, but I know that it’s bad and it’s my fault.”
Henry really had no idea what Jinki was talking about. However, judging by the serious tone of Jinki’s voice, he could tell that it was serious. He opted to remain silent as Jinki continued his rant.
“But I’m going to make it better. I promised so -“ Jinki’s voice cracked here and Henry lifted a hand to rub soothingly on his back. Jinki fell silent and clutched to Henry tighter, wishing that everything would disappear for a moment.
Jinki was surprised to see Yoona at the clinic the next night. She raised her eyebrows. “Jinki?” she asked confused making her way towards him. They were the only two people in the intern room, which was understandable seeing that it was eleven pm and they all should have gone home for the night. “What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same,” Jinki shot back. Yoona rolled her eyes and waved a folder in his face.
“My sunsengnim asked me to stay a little bit later to go over these files with him. Anyway, you still haven’t told me why you’re here. I thought you had left for home already.” Jinki fidgeted under Yoona’s questioning stare.
“I…” he swallowed. “I have a treatment to do.” Yoona blinked at him.
“Treatment?” she repeated slowly. Jinki nodded. Yoona looked extremely confused. “You mean like you’re going to do psychoanalysis? A Freud thing, with the long chair and the - “
Jinki shook his head furiously effectively cutting Yoona’s words short. “I…It’s radical treatment.” Yoona gasped.
“W-Who-“ she started anxiously but Jinki began to walk out of the room. Yoona stared at his retreating back worriedly.
“Please do me a favor Yoona yah. Don’t let anyone know what I’m doing.”
Jinki quietly closed Kibum’s door. Good. They were all asleep. He fingered the cold metal of Taemin’s key in his pocket and took a deep breath. He was going against all the rules - Jungsu ssi’s trust, the privacy of the patient, but he couldn’t stand around and do nothing. He picked up the boom box and made his way to Taemin’s room.
He jiggled the doorknob. As expected, it was locked. Jinki slipped the key in keyhole, turned until he heard a “click!” and opened the door.
Taemin was sprawled on the floor, boxer-clad, with a black marker in his hand. His eyes looked wild and tired and his reddish hair fell around his face in tired clumps. All in all, he looked like a mess.
Jinki bit the inside of his cheek at the sight of Taemin and slowly closed the door. Taemin didn’t even look up - did he not see that Jinki was here? Or had he locked himself up, ignoring the real world? Jinki shook his head, now was not the time to think such morbid thoughts. He placed the boom box on the floor and turned on another set of lights.
That’s when he saw the writings.
They were all over the wall, the floor, written in black, undeniably from Taemin’s marker. Jinki stared at the words in horror.
Slut - seductress - why are you even alive - dirty dirty boy - tainted - impure -
A sudden noise behind Jinki made him whirl around to see Taemin crawling towards the door, pointing his marker forward. Little moans and groans came out of Taemin as he came closer to the door. “Please stop,” he whimpered as he began to write on the wall. Jinki watched silently, too petrified to do anything.
Then, Taemin’s voice changed. Back to that frightfully low tone he had used on Jinki the last time he had seen him. “Little Taemin, little slut. Does what all the grown men want,” Taemin sang softly, sardonically, writing down the words as he said them out loud.
Jinki was scared. He really was. It wasn’t even the fact that he didn’t have much experience with dealing with patients hands on. It was how Taemin looked, so deranged, so different from the usual calm smiley Taemin Jinki was used to.
It really made his blood boil.
He walked over to Taemin determinedly, making sure not to get too close to the boy. Jonghyun’s words flashed in his mind, “He doesn’t let anyone touch him.”
But. Taemin had touched him before. Albeit inappropriately and he wasn’t in his right state of mind, but still. He had touched him.
He stared down at Taemin but recoiled in shock when he saw Taemin’s wild eyes staring straight at him. A slow, dangerous smile made its way on Taemin’s face.
“Hello hyung,” he purred standing up walking towards Jinki. Jinki immediately stiffened - he hadn’t expected Taemin to realize he was here. Taemin’s smile stayed in place as he stopped in front of Jinki and ran a smooth hand down the side of his face. Jinki gulped but stayed silent.
Taemin eyed him carefully. Jinki refused to look at him.
“Aw what’s wrong hyung? Don’t you want to play?” Taemin asked in a breathy voice, pressing himself against Jinki, fingers tracing patterns on his chest. Jinki felt his resolve shake for a bit but he shook his head in response.
“No,” he said flatly and Taemin backed away from him, smile replaced with an angry frown. Taemin placed his hands on his hips and glared at him.
“Well then? What do you want?” Jinki just stared at Taemin.
“You said,” he started slowly. “You said that you do whatever the grown men want right?” And suddenly, seductive Taemin was back, with his glittering eyes and dangerous smile.
“Yes,” he responded and started to walk back to Jinki. Jinki bit his lip in thought as Taemin began to circle him hungrily, eyes never leaving his form. “What do you want me to do hyung?”
Jinki’s expression was grim. “ I want you to dance.”
Taemin’s expression fell for a moment and Jinki saw the regular innocent Taemin in those dark eyes. “Oh Jinki ssi,” he whispered brokenly eyes beginning to water. Jinki’s heart ached for a moment but he shook his head again.
“Trust me.”
His Taemin disappeared and the darker Taemin stared at him with a disinterested expression. “Fine,” he snapped. “But after I’m done, we get to play my way okay?”
Jinki didn’t say anything in response and just walked over to the boom box and pressed the play button. Music immediately began to fill the room and Taemin closed his eyes and began to sway to the beat. Jinki couldn’t help himself - his eyes widened in awe as Taemin began to dance.
Jinki didn’t understand how Taemin was able to move the way he could, flail his limbs about and call it dancing - no he couldn’t even call it dancing. It was moving art with Taemin’s slender body and pink cheeks and happy eyes.
Jinki never wanted to stop watching.
But he shook himself from his daze, reminding himself of what he had come here to do. Carefully he approached Taemin from behind, making sure that the boy did not spot him. Then he quickly placed his hands on Taemin’s hips and brought the boy against him.
Taemin freaked.
“What the fuck are you doing?” he shouted, starting to struggle in Jinki’s grip. “Let go of me! Don’t touch me with your filthy hands!” Jinki just held on tighter.
“No,” he said firmly. “We’re still playing my game.” Taemin’s body went limp at those words. Jinki took a deep breath.
“Dance with me, Taemin.”
He gently rotated the boy’s still form so that he was facing him. Taemin’s face was blank.
“You’re so stupid,” Taemin whispered. Jinki shrugged and placed his hands on Taemin’s waist. He slowly counted to ten in his mind. All of a sudden, violin music filled the room. Taemin raised an eyebrow.
And so they danced.
Jinki wasn’t the best dancer, but he could do a simple waltz. He kept one eye on his unsteady feet and another on Taemin’s face. His expression remained blank. Jinki bit his lip, throwing all his plans out of his mind, and pulled Taemin closer to him. Taemin froze.
“I’m sorry,” Jinki murmured in Taemin’s hair. “I’m sorry for what I did the other day. I didn’t mean it. I would never hurt you.”
Taemin trembled. “Jinki ssi - “ he whispered and clutched at Jinki’s shirt. “You said the same thing that man said, that man - “
Realization shot at Jinki like a bullet. What should I say, what should I do? he panicked internally as Taemin began to whimper. I - I -
“I’m not that man.” The words spilled out of Jinki’s mouth before he could even think about them. But he must have said the right thing because Taemin’s laughing and sobbing into his chest.
“Stupid Jinki ssi,” Taemin whispered wrapping his arms around Jinki’s torso. Jinki hugged him back.
“Yeah, I know.” They stayed there for a while, unmoving and silent, the classical music fading away into a jazzy trumpet number. Taemin twitched a little in Jinki’s hold. Jinki looked down at him worriedly. “What is it?”
When Taemin raised his head to answer, Jinki saw the brightest, purest smile he had ever seen in his life.
“I can’t hear Jinwoo anymore,” Taemin said softly.
Jinki knocked on the “C” door cheerfully. Jonghyun opened it after the tenth knock, expression grumpy. “What the hell sunbae you don’t have to - Taemin?” Taemin grinned up at Jonghyun and flung himself at the older boy.
“Hug!” Taemin called out happily. Jonghyun was too shocked to do anything and merely gaped at the younger boy when he pulled away. Taemin then immediately skipped over to a wide-eyed Minho and hugged him as well. “Hug for Minho too!”
Minho awkwardly patted Taemin on the head. He looked up to stare at Jinki, questions swirling in his large eyes. Jinki just smiled and watched as Taemin slipped out of Minho’s arms and ran towards Kibum, who was already sobbing.
“Oh Taemin,” Kibum wailed crushing the boy to his chest. Taemin squeaked a bit.
“Hyung!” Kibum ignored Taemin’s pained cry and just held on tighter. His bottom lip trembled as he waddled over to Jinki, Taemin still in his arms. Jinki blinked.
“Um,” he started awkwardly but Kibum just shook his head.
“You.” His eyes were shining with tears. Jonghyun stepped next to Kibum and looked at Jinki with the same expression.
“You,” he repeated. Jinki gulped.
“Me,” he said nervously. Taemin yanked himself forcefully out of Kibum’s death hold and walked over to Jinki. He gave the older boy a grateful squeeze.
“Hug,” he said softly.
And somehow, as Kibum’s arms wrapped around Taemin’s back, as Jonghyun clung to Kibum’s side, and as Minho placed his hands on Jinki’s shoulders, Jinki knew that from now on it would be the five of them together, no questions asked.
Forever.
March;
“Guys, guys!” Jinki stumbled into the “C” room excitedly. “I have something for you!” Jonghyun didn’t even look from his DS and Kibum continued to complete his jigsaw puzzle with Taemin. Only Minho looked up to acknowledge him.
Jinki pouted. “Guuuuys,” he whined, stressing the word out. Jonghyun grunted. Taemin and Kibum hummed in response. Jinki saw Minho’s eyes crinkle with silent laughter.
“Fine,” Jinki huffed turning to walk away. “I just thought you guys would like to do karaoke or something but I guess I was wrong - “
Immediately Kibum and Taemin jumped at him, looking ecstatic. “Ooh karaoke!” Kibum squealed clapping his hands in delight. “I haven’t done a proper one since high school!”
“I don’t think I’ve ever done karaoke, but Saebyuk wants to hear Jinki sing again!” Taemin exclaimed happily. Jinki smiled at Taemin and glanced at Minho anxiously. He was the only one Jinki had been worried about, him being mute and all.
As if he had read Jinki’s thoughts, Minho met his gaze levelly and shook his head with a smile. “I’m fine,” his eyes seemed to say. Relief surged through Jinki and he turned to Jonghyun.
“Hey Jonghyun - “
“I’m not interested in karaoke,” Jonghyun cut in briskly. Jinki blinked, confused. Jonghyun always asked Jinki to sing for him, more than anyone in Chungnam. So his sudden disinterest in karaoke of all things was extremely puzzling. Taemin and Kibum shot Jonghyun disapproving looks. Jonghyun caught Jinki’s slightly hurt expression and sighed. He put his DS down.
“Okay that was mean. I’m sorry alright? I’ll come but I’m not going to sing. Okay?” Jinki nodded furiously, an easy smile forming on his face. That was okay with him. He didn’t mind if he was the only one singing, as long as they were all together.
Jonghyun’s expression suddenly turned wicked. “Yah but sunbae, you have to sing trot okay?” Jinki’s cheeks burned at this.
“No.” Jinki was still protesting as they walked out of the room. They all stopped in their tracks when they saw the “Out of Order” sign on the front of the elevator. “But,” Jinki said weakly looking back at the others. “It was fine five minutes ago!”
“Your fail broke it,” Kibum deadpanned. Taemin and Jonghyun giggled. Jinki pouted at Minho who patted his head in reassurance. “Well I guess we can take the stairs.” Kibum was still looking at Jinki in an accusing manner as they walked to the other side of the hall to get to the stairs.
“What? It wasn’t my fault!” Jinki frowned at Kibum. Kibum’s eyes suddenly watered.
“It’s always your fault,” he wailed. Jinki and Jonghyun groaned out loud as Taemin began to pat Kibum’s back in reassurance. Minho just smiled at them.
They finally reached the stairs and as Jinki swung it open, he turned back to Kibum. “I’m sorry okay - “
“Hyung, watch out!”
Jinki froze. Who said that? he thought to himself, but those thoughts didn’t last long because he realized that he was falling and oh, why was his life so hard? Two sets of hands grabbed his arms and Jinki wobbled a bit, trying to keep his balance.
“Dammit sunbae.” Jonghyun looked exasperated and Minho just looked worried. Jinki blinked and turned his head to see the set of stairs behind him. Oh.
“There was no floor,” Jinki said faintly. Jonghyun rolled his eyes as he and Minho pulled Jinki back upright.
“They’re called stairs for a reason.”
Kibum and Taemin crowded Jinki worriedly. “I told you, your fail breaks everything. Including yourself,” Kibum scolded lightly. Taemin just hugged Jinki tightly. Minho began to rub Jinki’s shoulders, relieving the tension he didn’t realize he had. Jinki blinked.
“W-Wait,” he stuttered nervously. They all stopped and looked at him. “Who called me before I fell?”
“Called you?” Taemin looked confused. “Kibum was crying and I was trying to make sure he didn’t accidentally eat his snot or something.” Kibum squawked in embarrassment at Taemin’s words. Jinki turned to Jonghyun and Minho. Jonghyun shook his head.
“I call you sunbae, not hyung.” Jonghyun’s nose was turned up in disdain. Jinki’s head began to swirl.
“B-But,” he stuttered. Taemin just patted Jinki’s shoulders.
“Maybe you just imagined it hyung?” Taemin suggested gently. Jinki opened his mouth to protest but Jonghyun and Kibum were already descending the stairs, chattering about random nonsense. Taemin screamed that Saebyuk didn’t like being left behind and immediately began to follow them.
That left Minho and Jinki alone.
Jinki frowned at Minho. “I didn’t imagine it,” he told the taller boy firmly. Minho just smiled at Jinki and ruffled his hair.
I didn’t.
That night, Jinki dreamed of deep voices and large eyes. He woke up, startled and sweating all over. Henry was wiping a cool cloth on his forehead. “You were talking in your sleep,” Henry explained quietly. Jinki closed his eyes, Henry’s hands running through his hair were comforting, soothing.
“Jinki ssi.”
“I’m okay Henry ah,” Jinki murmured, answering Henry’s silent question. “I’m okay.”
“Oh, your voice is so cute Taemin ah!” Kibum gushed throwing his arms around Taemin’s head. He had been more prone to hugging the boy, much to Taemin’s displeasure. Taemin kind of rolled his eyes at Kibum as he tried to push him off.
“Thanks hyung.” Taemin glanced up at Jinki and offered him the mic. “Jinki hyung! You sing now okay?” Jinki smiled tiredly at him and shook his head.
“Sorry, I’m not really in the mood for singing…” Kibum and Taemin just gaped at Jinki. Jinki stared back at them. “What?”
Kibum clutched at his heart dramatically. “The world must be ending! Jinki, not wanting to sing? No.” Taemin nodded vigorously and began to join Kibum as they danced around Jinki, mock crying about what a tragedy it was, Jinki not singing.
Jinki smiled at them and tried to laugh but he ended up yawning instead. Taemin and Kibum stopped dancing and looked at him with a concerned expression. Even Jonghyun got up from his corner to inspect Jinki’s face.
“Oh I’m fine,” Jinki insisted as Kibum pressed the back of his hand to his forehead. “Just been having some trouble sleeping that’s all.”
Everyone fell quiet when Minho came up to Jinki. Minho stared at Jinki’s face for a moment before running a finger gently under the shadows of his eyes. Jinki gulped. “I’m fine - “ he started but Minho grabbed Jinki’s arm and pulled him to his feet. He gave the others a look that read “Don’t follow us,” before walking out of the intern room.
“Minho where are we going?” Jinki asked as Minho continued to drag him down the hall. Minho didn’t answer and opened the door to the stairs. Jinki blanched. “I’m too tired for the stairs - eep!” Jinki squeaked as Minho put his arms around Jinki’s waist and lifted him easily into his arms, carrying him bridal style.
“I was just kidding Minho,” Jinki panicked out loud as Minho began to climb the stairs. “I can walk. Really. It’s no trouble. Just put me down - “ Jinki stopped talking when Minho just gave him a smoldering look.
Don’t question me, his eyes read.
Jinki was silent for the rest of his “ride” upstairs.
Minho stopped at the “C” door and soon began to walk down to his room. Jinki was tempted to ask Minho to put him down again, but he decided against it. Minho opened his door, switched on the lights, and walked in.
Immediately he placed Jinki on his bed. Jinki looked up at him with incredulous eyes. “Are you asking me to sleep here?” Minho nodded. Jinki just stared at him. Minho stared back solemnly. He was serious.
Jinki groaned out loud. “Minho, I can’t.” Minho was silent. Of course. Jinki sighed and stretched out on the bed and closed his eyes. Sleep. He wanted it, yes. But it was eluding him quite effectively and he doubted that sleeping in someone else’s bed would do anything for him.
The bed squeaked and Jinki squealed when Minho’s wrapped around his waist and pulled his body flush against Minho’s.
Jinki opened his eyes and craned his neck to look back at Minho. The other boy was frowning. The tips of Jinki’s ears burned. “O-Oh okay Minho! I’m going to sleep!” He quickly flipped back to the other side and closed his eyes again.
Sleep, sleep… his mind whispered tiredly. Hands started to run through Jinki’s hair and he let out a sigh.
“Thanks Minho,” he mumbled quietly and after a few moments he was finally on the verge of falling asleep. As darkness shrouded his mind he was pretty sure he heard a deep, “Anytime hyung.”
Maybe he really was going paranoid.
“I did hear it though,” he told Yoona insistently as they wheeled a cart of food to the “B” patients. “I think Minho actually talked.” Yoona listened with wide eyes. This was why Jinki liked Yoona, despite her teasing nature, when Jinki had something to say, she really paid attention. It was nice.
“But that’d be amazing you know,” she thought out loud, stopping in front of “B3.” They quickly went inside, placed the food tray on the patient’s table, and walked back out. “I mean.” Her eyes were sparkling now. “He hasn’t said a word in three years! And you were the first person he spoke to,” she sighed a little. “That’s so romantic.”
Jinki smacked the back of her head. “Yah,” he chided. “I’m serious here. If Minho really is talking, I kind of want him to start talking to everyone. You know?”
Yoona shrugged and rubbed the spot where Jinki had hit her with a pout. “I don’t think you can force something like this oppa. Maybe you should wait. Maybe Minho has something important to say.”
Jinki sighed and looked down at a cup of gelatin. It wiggled mockingly at him. “Yeah, maybe he does.”
“Did you bring Mean Girls?” Kibum demanded, shifting through the pile of DVDs. Taemin lifted up Happy Feet and beamed at everyone.
“Saebyuk says we should watch this one first!” Jonghyun opened his mouth to protest - he wanted to watch something with guns or sex - but Kibum just glared at him and nodding adoringly in Taemin’s direction.
Jinki tried to hide a snort. Movie night was a good idea after all. “It’s okay guys,” he said cheerfully, looking pointedly at Jonghyun. “The point is to stay up all night and watch movies. We should be able to watch a good amount of these.”
“Yay!” Kibum and Taemin clapped their hands happily and Jonghyun looked relieved.
“Okay,” he said. “But we’re not watching sappy girly movies all the time okay Kibum?” Kibum’s expression instantly crumpled.
“My movies are not - are not girly!” he bawled. Jonghyun twitched a bit as Taemin made to comfort him. Jinki just laughed and popped Happy Feet into the DVD player.
Several movies and bags of popcorn later, Jinki found that all of the boys had somehow fallen asleep. Jonghyun was snoring and muttering from his place on the couch and Taemin was curled up like a cat, Kibum’s arms around him like a mother hen.
The credits for The Lake House rolled and Jinki smiled fondly at the sight of them as he draped blankets over their bodies. They could sleep here tonight, just this once.
“Hyung.” Jinki froze. That deep voice again. The one from his dreams, the one he heard the day he almost fell down the stairs. He gulped. He was afraid to turn around. “Hyung.”
And suddenly Minho was beside him, hands on his shoulders. “Hyung, look at me,” Minho urged hoarsely. Jinki blinked rapidly and turned to stare. Minho’s eyes held a profound sadness and his mouth was twisted oddly, painfully, making it seem like it actually hurt for him to talk.
There was silence for a moment. “This can’t be real,” Jinki whispered and he lifted a hand to touch Minho’s lips. Minho smiled a forlorn little smile and Jinki’s heart broke.
“Three years is a long time.” Jinki took Minho’s hand and they walked over to the couch. They sat down and Jinki was painfully aware of a sudden awkwardness in the air. Well, he couldn’t help it - Minho was talking for the first time in three years and Jinki had only known the boy for a few months. Of course it was going to be a little weird.
It doesn’t matter, a voice in Jinki’s head said determinedly. He’s your friend. You’re going to help him, Lee Jinki.
But where to start? Jinki cleared his throat uncomfortably before voicing a question that had been bothering him for a while: “Why?”
Minho shrugged. “I saw the way you fixed Taemin,” he said simply and Jinki was taken aback at Minho’s choice of words. “Fixed” was a…different way to describe it.
“I didn’t - “Jinki tried to say but Minho just shook his head.
“There was something different about you. I don’t know when I realized it, but I did.” Minho laughed softly. “I don’t think I was this talkative when I wasn’t mute.” They both shared a smile at this.
Minho’s smile quickly fell though. “I just…” Minho sighed and looked down at his hands.
“I haven’t cried.”
Jinki blinked. “What?” Minho smiled sort of stiffly.
“I didn’t cry at the funeral. I didn’t cry when I found them dead. I just stopped talking. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I just…” Minho’s voice began to tremble. “I just want to cry. Is that so hard? Shouldn’t normal people cry at something like this? Am I not normal?”
Jinki bit his lip as that profound sadness shadowed Minho’s eyes again. “You’re not abnormal,” he said softly. Minho laughed bitterly at that. Jinki frowned and waved his arms a bit for emphasis. “You’re not! Really!” Jinki’s eyes swept the room anxiously and he froze when he saw a certain DVD on the floor.
“I am,” he started, bending down to pick up the DVD. “Because I cried like a baby when I watched this movie.”
Minho stared when Jinki shoved the DVD in his hands. “Titanic?” Jinki saw the ends of Minho’s lips quirk into a smile, a real smile, and he was momentarily relieved.
“Let’s watch it.”
And so they did. Eventually the part where Jinki always broke down came up, and he began to flail. “Jack,” Jinki whimpered. “Oh Jack. Oh Rose. Oh.”
Minho began to shake next to him and Jinki was sure that the other boy was laughing at him. But, Minho buried his face in Jinki’s shoulder and Jinki felt the wetness soak up his shirt.
He sniffed.
The two of them cried together that night, for entirely different reasons, but it didn’t matter to Jinki. It really didn’t matter at all.
Jinki let Minho stay silent for another week before he started to prod the boy to talk out loud. “Come on Minho,” Jinki whined out loud for the fifth time. Minho just glared at him. Taemin blinked.
“Jinki hyung…why do you keep talking to Minho hyung like that? It’s not like he can say anything back…” Jinki looked at Minho deviously. Minho’s glared intensified. Taemin just looked confused.
“Actually Taemin ah - “
“Stop it Jonghyun, give it to me!” Kibum shrieked, pulling at the DS in Jonghyun’s hands. Jonghyun made a face and tightened his grip on the game console.
“You just used it,” he argued. “Plus it’s mine so fuck off Kibum.” Kibum’s face turned beet red and he began to scream obscenities at Jonghyun. Jinki sighed, all evil plans of tricking Minho into talking temporarily foiled, and he made his way to cover a traumatized Taemin’s ears with his hands.
“…Please just shut up,” Minho said quietly. Jinki froze. Jonghyun froze. Kibum choked. Taemin tilted his head in confusion - his ears were still covered, but not his eyes.
“Erm, did Minho hyung just talk?” he asked uncertainly.
No one answered the poor boy because Minho opened his mouth again, “If you’re done being donsaeng I’m going to go read in my room.” And he coolly walked out of the room in a slight huff. Taemin just blinked.
“Well guys, did he? Hey guys, don’t just stand around looking like fish - answer me! Hyung!”
April;
Taemin looked about the room rather glumly. “Saebyuk says it’s lonely without Jinki hyung here,” he complained. Minho patted Taemin comfortingly on the head. Jonghyun just scoffed.
“Whatever. He ditched us so.”
Minho threw a glare in Jonghyun’s way but the older boy was still unfazed. “Like I said, he ditched us. Ditched.” Now he was looking back at Minho, daring him to try to start an argument.
“He didn’t,” Minho hissed through gritted teeth. Jonghyun threw his hands up in exasperation.
“Fuck Minho, I liked it better when you were quiet.” Minho stood up at this but Taemin pulled on the fabric of his shirt, eyes beginning to water.
“Saebyuk says not to fight, please don’t - “
“Where the fuck is Kibum?” Jonghyun suddenly asked eyes suddenly very anxious. Minho and Taemin looked at him, confused.
“In his room?” Jonghyun’s face paled and he immediately stood up, grabbing Minho by the arm and dragging him out of the room.
“God, I hope not.”
They walked into Kibum’s room and froze when they saw him on the bed, body absolutely still. “Hyung,” Taemin gasped a little and was at Kibum’s side almost instantly. He shook Kibum’s shoulder a little. “Hyung! Are you okay? Hyung!”
“Sedatives,” Minho confirmed grimly pointing at several needles on the drawer next to Kibum’s bed. Anger surged through Jonghyun’s veins. He grabbed the needles and threw them on the floor. “Hyung,” Minho admonished quietly.
Jonghyun just spat on the floor. “Why the hell do they keep giving him meds? He hasn’t exploded in forever, he’s been on his best behavior and everything. I just -“ Jonghyun stopped and buried his face in his hands. “I just don’t want to see him like this.”
“His breathing is really uneven.” Taemin’s eyes were watery. “Saebyuk says normal people don’t sleep like this.”
“Yeah, because normal people go to sleep out of their own free will.” Jonghyun looked at Kibum’s pale face and grimaced. “Shit, Kibum. At this rate, bipolarity isn’t going to be the only thing he suffers from.”
Jungsu blinked when he saw Jinki walking over to him. “Oh Jinki!” he exclaimed voice exceptionally surprised. “I’m a little shocked to see you here, the internship did end last week so - “
Jinki only smiled at the older man. “Well I didn’t come yesterday because my friends threw me a congratulatory party.” His expression turned a little sheepish at this. “For finishing the internship successfully or something like that.” Jungsu cackled at this.
“Well I offer my congratulations as well,” Jungsu clapped Jinki’s shoulder in a friendly manner. “But really Jinki, you don’t have to come back here.”
Jinki laughed a little. “But I want to.”
Jungsu’s smile fell a bit here. “Jinki,” he started uncertainly. “There’s something I should probably show you.”
Jinki stared at the folders. Five folders. Five important confidential folders. Four important confidential folders about Minho, Taemin, Kibum, and Jonghyun. One extremely important confidential folder about what the Chungnam Board of Directors (aka the CBOD) thought of them.
Jungsu had given them to him about two hours ago, but he still hadn’t opened them. It wasn’t like he didn’t know what was inside them - he knew. Well almost all of them. Two folders were practically screaming at him to open them.
His hand hovered uncertainly over Jonghyun’s before changing his mind and grabbing the CBOD’s instead.
Tiffany giggled as she handed the phone over to Jessica. “It’s for you. It’s a boy.” Her giggles intensified when Jessica just stared at her blankly.
“I don’t talk to boys,” Jessica said calmly but took the phone from Tiffany anyway. Her eyes widened a bit. “…Jinki ssi?”
“Um, can we meet somewhere?”
Jinki’s voice was anxious and Jessica was instantly worried. “You okay? What’s wrong?” There was a sigh on the other line.
“ Just meet me at the bakery okay?”
Jinki pushed the folders to Jessica. Jessica looked at them apprehensively before opening Taemin’s. Her eyebrows rose a bit. “So these are your boys,” she stated slowly as she began to read through them. Jinki merely stayed silent and sipped quietly at his coffee. Jessica finally got to the CBOD’s folder. She went through it once, paused for a moment, then went through it a second time.
“This is absolutely ridiculous,” she snapped when she had finished. “ Threat to society? Are you kidding me? Who the hell is part of this ridiculous board anyway?”
Jinki shrugged tiredly. “I only know one of the members. And I just don’t understand.” His bottom lip trembled slightly. “How many - “ his voice shook here and Jessica leaned over to place her hand over his. He shook his head. “How many years has it been since they were last outside? All of them. It’s not fair. It isn’t.”
Jessica began to speak comforting words but Jinki wasn’t really listening. His mind wandered and soon images of the sadness in Minho’s eyes, the tightness of Taemin’s smile, Kibum’s half-hearted complaining, and Jonghyun’s silence swirled in his eyes, blinding him.
“Don’t cry Jinki ssi,” Jessica said anxiously, handing him her handkerchief. Jinki blinked at her.
“Oh.” His cheeks were red with embarrassment. “I’m sorry-I didn’t mean-can you help me?” he finally blurted out. Jinki’s face burned even more.
Jessica just looked confused. “Help? With what?”
Jinki’s embarrassment toned down a bit and was replaced with a sort of grimness. “A proposal. I want to write a proposal for their release from Chungnam.”
Kibum groaned blearily when he felt someone shaking his shoulder. “Taemin ah…let me sleep for a little longer…”
“I’m not Taemin.”
Kibum instantly stood up from his bed and gaped at a solemn looking Jinki. “Jinki! You’re here!” His surprise was removed with disdain. “Wait. You’re here.” He frowned sourly. “Why?”
Jinki smiled sheepishly. “I’m going to ask you to keep my coming here a secret from everyone else.”
Kibum’s eyes widened. “What? Why the hell should I do that? And you didn’t answer my question - your internship is up so you shouldn’t even be here.” Kibum’s frown deepened. “We all knew your stay wasn’t permanent so why are you coming to rub that fact in our face?”
Jinki was silent for a moment. Kibum mistook his silence for guilt and he smiled grimly, satisfied. “See? Even you know. You can’t stay friends with freaks like us.”
Something in Jinki’s face changed when Kibum said “freaks” but it was soon back to his unusually calm façade.
“Does it hurt?”
“Are you on crack?” Kibum demanded harshly, wondering what was wrong with the normally cheerful boy. “What hurts?”
Jinki smiled painfully. “Does it hurt when they give you your medicine?”
Kibum’s hand was instantly at Jinki’s throat. He squeezed hard and Jinki choked silently. “You asshole,” Kibum hissed. “Calling that shit medicine of all things. You’re no better than them Jinki, the board, those nurses, fucking Jungsu-“
Tears dropped onto Kibum’s fist. Kibum stared at Jinki’s crying face in disbelief. “What -“ he started but Jinki just shook his head.
“I’m sorry,” he managed to voice out.
Kibum’s mouth tightened and he released Jinki. Jinki began rubbing his throat and watched as Kibum walked back to his bed and grabbed a handful of empty glass needle bottles. He walked back to Jinki. “You want to know what they feel like?” he asked angrily. Jinki was silent. Kibum shoved the glass onto Jinki’s forehead. Blood immediately started dripping down Jinki’s face. Kibum released the smashed glass pieces and just stared at Jinki.
“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah it fucking hurts.”
Jinki patted Kibum’s shoulder, his smile looking out of place among the blood and tears. “I’ll be back in a week okay?”
Jinki winced as Yoona reapplied his bandage on his forehead. “Ow, be careful.” This just made Yoona press on his wound even harder. Jinki squealed in pain. Yoona looked up and glared at him.
“You’re crazy you know that?” she snapped. “We’re going against the freaking board, there’s no way we’re going to win.”
Jessica smiled lightly. “You never know Yoona ssi.” Yoona only sighed.
“Yeah you never know.” The look on Jinki’s face was determined. “Plus I want to do this. Really. I do. It’s just,” Jinki struggled for words here, face contorted in concentration. “Not fair,” he finally said looking at Yoona pensively.
Yoona’s hands became gentler as she lightly stroked Jinki’s bandaged forehead. “Okay,” she said softly. “It’s okay oppa, I understand your feelings at least.”
Jinki beamed at her before his face paled. “Oh my god, we’re going to go see the board now.” Yoona’s eyes widened as Jinki began to rock in place, eyes terrified.
Jessica sighed. “Oh dear,” she murmured as she handed Jinki a paper bag. Yoona looked like she wanted to run away.
onew-centric; r; ~21600w
au; psychology major lee jinki gets the opportunity of a lifetime to work at a prestigious psychiatric clinic. it's there that he meets five curious boys with unusual stories. it's there that he makes a name for himself.
Jinki quietly walked in, eyes automatically searching the room. No Taemin. He sighed shakily and walked over to where Kibum was. Kibum was strangely quiet, occupied with Minho’s Nintendo DS. Jinki leaned over and laughed when he saw the title.
“Cooking Mama eh?” Kibum looked up at him for a moment, expression solemn, before returning to his game. Jinki blinked and looked at Minho who was sitting on a chair across from them.
Minho read the silent question in Jinki’s eyes and got up tiredly. He walked over to where Jonghyun was listening to his headphones and shook the older boy. Jonghyun grunted. He stiffened when he saw Jinki. Jinki glared back.
“What is it?”
“It’s your fault.” Kibum’s voice was quiet. Jinki turned to look at Kibum and immediately wished he hadn’t. Kibum’s eyes were cold and accusing and they pierced right through Jinki’s heart. Jinki swallowed thickly, throat suddenly dry. He knew what Kibum was talking about.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. Kibum began to shake, fingers gripping the sides of the DS tightly.
“You’re sorry? Oh that’s perfect. That will solve everything Jinki. Sorry won’t cut it. Taemin hasn’t come out of his room for two days. He hasn’t eaten for two days. He’s in there crying about Jinwoo or Saebyuk or whatever and you’re fucking sorry.”
Jinki’s eyes watered. Kibum had his hands wrapped loosely around Jinki’s neck, expression furious. “This happens sometimes. Sometimes he snaps. But he always, always returns back to normal. Except for this time. So what’s different? You.”
“That’s enough Kibum,” Jonghyun snapped and Minho quietly slipped behind Kibum and pulled him away from Jinki. Kibum sniffed angrily. Jonghyun walked over to Jinki. His eyes were nervous. “Okay sunbae, I’m not gonna lie. Kibum’s kinda telling the truth. Normally well Taemin flips out, the next day he’s right back to normal. But he’s not…”
Jonghyun stopped talking when tears began to cascade down Jinki’s face. Minho’s eyes widened a bit and even Kibum looked slightly put out. Jonghyun flailed his arms about for a bit. “Shit, don’t cry. I mean it’s just that - sunbae don’t-“
Jinki smiled at all of them, tears still falling. “I’ll fix this you guys,” he vowed hollowly. Jonghyun reached for Jinki.
“Sunbae…
“I promise.
Henry raised an eyebrow at Jinki’s request. “You want to borrow my boom box?” he repeated albeit incredulously. Jinki nodded fervently. Henry stared at Jinki for a while to see if the older boy was joking or not.
Jinki’s eyes were serious.
Henry shrugged. “Okay, whatever you want. It’s just that you’re not the type to blast out music, you know?” Jinki smiled thinly.
“Think of it as a new type of therapy.”
Henry’s eyes widened a bit. “Oh so it’s for Chungnam?” Jinki nodded. Henry hummed in thought.
“Music as therapy…that’s kind of interesting.” Jinki shrugged a bit.
“I suppose.” Henry frowned at Jinki’s unusually listless response and leaned toward his friend. His frown deepened when he saw the bags under Jinki’s red eyes. He looked paler than usual too. Henry gently touched Jinki’s cheek with his left hand. Jinki closed his eyes, exhausted.
“Jinki.” Jinki’s eyes snapped back open when he noticed the drop in the formality. Henry was looking at him with a strange expression, a mixture of anger, anxiety, and was that admiration? Jinki opened his mouth to say something but he ended up slumping towards Henry’s figure.
Henry was quick to wrap his arms around Jinki’s skinny form. “Idiot,” he chided lightly. Jinki mumbled something unintelligible and buried his face in Henry’s shoulder.
“I did something bad. I’m not sure what, but I know that it’s bad and it’s my fault.”
Henry really had no idea what Jinki was talking about. However, judging by the serious tone of Jinki’s voice, he could tell that it was serious. He opted to remain silent as Jinki continued his rant.
“But I’m going to make it better. I promised so -“ Jinki’s voice cracked here and Henry lifted a hand to rub soothingly on his back. Jinki fell silent and clutched to Henry tighter, wishing that everything would disappear for a moment.
Jinki was surprised to see Yoona at the clinic the next night. She raised her eyebrows. “Jinki?” she asked confused making her way towards him. They were the only two people in the intern room, which was understandable seeing that it was eleven pm and they all should have gone home for the night. “What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same,” Jinki shot back. Yoona rolled her eyes and waved a folder in his face.
“My sunsengnim asked me to stay a little bit later to go over these files with him. Anyway, you still haven’t told me why you’re here. I thought you had left for home already.” Jinki fidgeted under Yoona’s questioning stare.
“I…” he swallowed. “I have a treatment to do.” Yoona blinked at him.
“Treatment?” she repeated slowly. Jinki nodded. Yoona looked extremely confused. “You mean like you’re going to do psychoanalysis? A Freud thing, with the long chair and the - “
Jinki shook his head furiously effectively cutting Yoona’s words short. “I…It’s radical treatment.” Yoona gasped.
“W-Who-“ she started anxiously but Jinki began to walk out of the room. Yoona stared at his retreating back worriedly.
“Please do me a favor Yoona yah. Don’t let anyone know what I’m doing.”
Jinki quietly closed Kibum’s door. Good. They were all asleep. He fingered the cold metal of Taemin’s key in his pocket and took a deep breath. He was going against all the rules - Jungsu ssi’s trust, the privacy of the patient, but he couldn’t stand around and do nothing. He picked up the boom box and made his way to Taemin’s room.
He jiggled the doorknob. As expected, it was locked. Jinki slipped the key in keyhole, turned until he heard a “click!” and opened the door.
Taemin was sprawled on the floor, boxer-clad, with a black marker in his hand. His eyes looked wild and tired and his reddish hair fell around his face in tired clumps. All in all, he looked like a mess.
Jinki bit the inside of his cheek at the sight of Taemin and slowly closed the door. Taemin didn’t even look up - did he not see that Jinki was here? Or had he locked himself up, ignoring the real world? Jinki shook his head, now was not the time to think such morbid thoughts. He placed the boom box on the floor and turned on another set of lights.
That’s when he saw the writings.
They were all over the wall, the floor, written in black, undeniably from Taemin’s marker. Jinki stared at the words in horror.
Slut - seductress - why are you even alive - dirty dirty boy - tainted - impure -
A sudden noise behind Jinki made him whirl around to see Taemin crawling towards the door, pointing his marker forward. Little moans and groans came out of Taemin as he came closer to the door. “Please stop,” he whimpered as he began to write on the wall. Jinki watched silently, too petrified to do anything.
Then, Taemin’s voice changed. Back to that frightfully low tone he had used on Jinki the last time he had seen him. “Little Taemin, little slut. Does what all the grown men want,” Taemin sang softly, sardonically, writing down the words as he said them out loud.
Jinki was scared. He really was. It wasn’t even the fact that he didn’t have much experience with dealing with patients hands on. It was how Taemin looked, so deranged, so different from the usual calm smiley Taemin Jinki was used to.
It really made his blood boil.
He walked over to Taemin determinedly, making sure not to get too close to the boy. Jonghyun’s words flashed in his mind, “He doesn’t let anyone touch him.”
But. Taemin had touched him before. Albeit inappropriately and he wasn’t in his right state of mind, but still. He had touched him.
He stared down at Taemin but recoiled in shock when he saw Taemin’s wild eyes staring straight at him. A slow, dangerous smile made its way on Taemin’s face.
“Hello hyung,” he purred standing up walking towards Jinki. Jinki immediately stiffened - he hadn’t expected Taemin to realize he was here. Taemin’s smile stayed in place as he stopped in front of Jinki and ran a smooth hand down the side of his face. Jinki gulped but stayed silent.
Taemin eyed him carefully. Jinki refused to look at him.
“Aw what’s wrong hyung? Don’t you want to play?” Taemin asked in a breathy voice, pressing himself against Jinki, fingers tracing patterns on his chest. Jinki felt his resolve shake for a bit but he shook his head in response.
“No,” he said flatly and Taemin backed away from him, smile replaced with an angry frown. Taemin placed his hands on his hips and glared at him.
“Well then? What do you want?” Jinki just stared at Taemin.
“You said,” he started slowly. “You said that you do whatever the grown men want right?” And suddenly, seductive Taemin was back, with his glittering eyes and dangerous smile.
“Yes,” he responded and started to walk back to Jinki. Jinki bit his lip in thought as Taemin began to circle him hungrily, eyes never leaving his form. “What do you want me to do hyung?”
Jinki’s expression was grim. “ I want you to dance.”
Taemin’s expression fell for a moment and Jinki saw the regular innocent Taemin in those dark eyes. “Oh Jinki ssi,” he whispered brokenly eyes beginning to water. Jinki’s heart ached for a moment but he shook his head again.
“Trust me.”
His Taemin disappeared and the darker Taemin stared at him with a disinterested expression. “Fine,” he snapped. “But after I’m done, we get to play my way okay?”
Jinki didn’t say anything in response and just walked over to the boom box and pressed the play button. Music immediately began to fill the room and Taemin closed his eyes and began to sway to the beat. Jinki couldn’t help himself - his eyes widened in awe as Taemin began to dance.
Jinki didn’t understand how Taemin was able to move the way he could, flail his limbs about and call it dancing - no he couldn’t even call it dancing. It was moving art with Taemin’s slender body and pink cheeks and happy eyes.
Jinki never wanted to stop watching.
But he shook himself from his daze, reminding himself of what he had come here to do. Carefully he approached Taemin from behind, making sure that the boy did not spot him. Then he quickly placed his hands on Taemin’s hips and brought the boy against him.
Taemin freaked.
“What the fuck are you doing?” he shouted, starting to struggle in Jinki’s grip. “Let go of me! Don’t touch me with your filthy hands!” Jinki just held on tighter.
“No,” he said firmly. “We’re still playing my game.” Taemin’s body went limp at those words. Jinki took a deep breath.
“Dance with me, Taemin.”
He gently rotated the boy’s still form so that he was facing him. Taemin’s face was blank.
“You’re so stupid,” Taemin whispered. Jinki shrugged and placed his hands on Taemin’s waist. He slowly counted to ten in his mind. All of a sudden, violin music filled the room. Taemin raised an eyebrow.
And so they danced.
Jinki wasn’t the best dancer, but he could do a simple waltz. He kept one eye on his unsteady feet and another on Taemin’s face. His expression remained blank. Jinki bit his lip, throwing all his plans out of his mind, and pulled Taemin closer to him. Taemin froze.
“I’m sorry,” Jinki murmured in Taemin’s hair. “I’m sorry for what I did the other day. I didn’t mean it. I would never hurt you.”
Taemin trembled. “Jinki ssi - “ he whispered and clutched at Jinki’s shirt. “You said the same thing that man said, that man - “
Realization shot at Jinki like a bullet. What should I say, what should I do? he panicked internally as Taemin began to whimper. I - I -
“I’m not that man.” The words spilled out of Jinki’s mouth before he could even think about them. But he must have said the right thing because Taemin’s laughing and sobbing into his chest.
“Stupid Jinki ssi,” Taemin whispered wrapping his arms around Jinki’s torso. Jinki hugged him back.
“Yeah, I know.” They stayed there for a while, unmoving and silent, the classical music fading away into a jazzy trumpet number. Taemin twitched a little in Jinki’s hold. Jinki looked down at him worriedly. “What is it?”
When Taemin raised his head to answer, Jinki saw the brightest, purest smile he had ever seen in his life.
“I can’t hear Jinwoo anymore,” Taemin said softly.
Jinki knocked on the “C” door cheerfully. Jonghyun opened it after the tenth knock, expression grumpy. “What the hell sunbae you don’t have to - Taemin?” Taemin grinned up at Jonghyun and flung himself at the older boy.
“Hug!” Taemin called out happily. Jonghyun was too shocked to do anything and merely gaped at the younger boy when he pulled away. Taemin then immediately skipped over to a wide-eyed Minho and hugged him as well. “Hug for Minho too!”
Minho awkwardly patted Taemin on the head. He looked up to stare at Jinki, questions swirling in his large eyes. Jinki just smiled and watched as Taemin slipped out of Minho’s arms and ran towards Kibum, who was already sobbing.
“Oh Taemin,” Kibum wailed crushing the boy to his chest. Taemin squeaked a bit.
“Hyung!” Kibum ignored Taemin’s pained cry and just held on tighter. His bottom lip trembled as he waddled over to Jinki, Taemin still in his arms. Jinki blinked.
“Um,” he started awkwardly but Kibum just shook his head.
“You.” His eyes were shining with tears. Jonghyun stepped next to Kibum and looked at Jinki with the same expression.
“You,” he repeated. Jinki gulped.
“Me,” he said nervously. Taemin yanked himself forcefully out of Kibum’s death hold and walked over to Jinki. He gave the older boy a grateful squeeze.
“Hug,” he said softly.
And somehow, as Kibum’s arms wrapped around Taemin’s back, as Jonghyun clung to Kibum’s side, and as Minho placed his hands on Jinki’s shoulders, Jinki knew that from now on it would be the five of them together, no questions asked.
Forever.
March;
“Guys, guys!” Jinki stumbled into the “C” room excitedly. “I have something for you!” Jonghyun didn’t even look from his DS and Kibum continued to complete his jigsaw puzzle with Taemin. Only Minho looked up to acknowledge him.
Jinki pouted. “Guuuuys,” he whined, stressing the word out. Jonghyun grunted. Taemin and Kibum hummed in response. Jinki saw Minho’s eyes crinkle with silent laughter.
“Fine,” Jinki huffed turning to walk away. “I just thought you guys would like to do karaoke or something but I guess I was wrong - “
Immediately Kibum and Taemin jumped at him, looking ecstatic. “Ooh karaoke!” Kibum squealed clapping his hands in delight. “I haven’t done a proper one since high school!”
“I don’t think I’ve ever done karaoke, but Saebyuk wants to hear Jinki sing again!” Taemin exclaimed happily. Jinki smiled at Taemin and glanced at Minho anxiously. He was the only one Jinki had been worried about, him being mute and all.
As if he had read Jinki’s thoughts, Minho met his gaze levelly and shook his head with a smile. “I’m fine,” his eyes seemed to say. Relief surged through Jinki and he turned to Jonghyun.
“Hey Jonghyun - “
“I’m not interested in karaoke,” Jonghyun cut in briskly. Jinki blinked, confused. Jonghyun always asked Jinki to sing for him, more than anyone in Chungnam. So his sudden disinterest in karaoke of all things was extremely puzzling. Taemin and Kibum shot Jonghyun disapproving looks. Jonghyun caught Jinki’s slightly hurt expression and sighed. He put his DS down.
“Okay that was mean. I’m sorry alright? I’ll come but I’m not going to sing. Okay?” Jinki nodded furiously, an easy smile forming on his face. That was okay with him. He didn’t mind if he was the only one singing, as long as they were all together.
Jonghyun’s expression suddenly turned wicked. “Yah but sunbae, you have to sing trot okay?” Jinki’s cheeks burned at this.
“No.” Jinki was still protesting as they walked out of the room. They all stopped in their tracks when they saw the “Out of Order” sign on the front of the elevator. “But,” Jinki said weakly looking back at the others. “It was fine five minutes ago!”
“Your fail broke it,” Kibum deadpanned. Taemin and Jonghyun giggled. Jinki pouted at Minho who patted his head in reassurance. “Well I guess we can take the stairs.” Kibum was still looking at Jinki in an accusing manner as they walked to the other side of the hall to get to the stairs.
“What? It wasn’t my fault!” Jinki frowned at Kibum. Kibum’s eyes suddenly watered.
“It’s always your fault,” he wailed. Jinki and Jonghyun groaned out loud as Taemin began to pat Kibum’s back in reassurance. Minho just smiled at them.
They finally reached the stairs and as Jinki swung it open, he turned back to Kibum. “I’m sorry okay - “
“Hyung, watch out!”
Jinki froze. Who said that? he thought to himself, but those thoughts didn’t last long because he realized that he was falling and oh, why was his life so hard? Two sets of hands grabbed his arms and Jinki wobbled a bit, trying to keep his balance.
“Dammit sunbae.” Jonghyun looked exasperated and Minho just looked worried. Jinki blinked and turned his head to see the set of stairs behind him. Oh.
“There was no floor,” Jinki said faintly. Jonghyun rolled his eyes as he and Minho pulled Jinki back upright.
“They’re called stairs for a reason.”
Kibum and Taemin crowded Jinki worriedly. “I told you, your fail breaks everything. Including yourself,” Kibum scolded lightly. Taemin just hugged Jinki tightly. Minho began to rub Jinki’s shoulders, relieving the tension he didn’t realize he had. Jinki blinked.
“W-Wait,” he stuttered nervously. They all stopped and looked at him. “Who called me before I fell?”
“Called you?” Taemin looked confused. “Kibum was crying and I was trying to make sure he didn’t accidentally eat his snot or something.” Kibum squawked in embarrassment at Taemin’s words. Jinki turned to Jonghyun and Minho. Jonghyun shook his head.
“I call you sunbae, not hyung.” Jonghyun’s nose was turned up in disdain. Jinki’s head began to swirl.
“B-But,” he stuttered. Taemin just patted Jinki’s shoulders.
“Maybe you just imagined it hyung?” Taemin suggested gently. Jinki opened his mouth to protest but Jonghyun and Kibum were already descending the stairs, chattering about random nonsense. Taemin screamed that Saebyuk didn’t like being left behind and immediately began to follow them.
That left Minho and Jinki alone.
Jinki frowned at Minho. “I didn’t imagine it,” he told the taller boy firmly. Minho just smiled at Jinki and ruffled his hair.
I didn’t.
That night, Jinki dreamed of deep voices and large eyes. He woke up, startled and sweating all over. Henry was wiping a cool cloth on his forehead. “You were talking in your sleep,” Henry explained quietly. Jinki closed his eyes, Henry’s hands running through his hair were comforting, soothing.
“Jinki ssi.”
“I’m okay Henry ah,” Jinki murmured, answering Henry’s silent question. “I’m okay.”
“Oh, your voice is so cute Taemin ah!” Kibum gushed throwing his arms around Taemin’s head. He had been more prone to hugging the boy, much to Taemin’s displeasure. Taemin kind of rolled his eyes at Kibum as he tried to push him off.
“Thanks hyung.” Taemin glanced up at Jinki and offered him the mic. “Jinki hyung! You sing now okay?” Jinki smiled tiredly at him and shook his head.
“Sorry, I’m not really in the mood for singing…” Kibum and Taemin just gaped at Jinki. Jinki stared back at them. “What?”
Kibum clutched at his heart dramatically. “The world must be ending! Jinki, not wanting to sing? No.” Taemin nodded vigorously and began to join Kibum as they danced around Jinki, mock crying about what a tragedy it was, Jinki not singing.
Jinki smiled at them and tried to laugh but he ended up yawning instead. Taemin and Kibum stopped dancing and looked at him with a concerned expression. Even Jonghyun got up from his corner to inspect Jinki’s face.
“Oh I’m fine,” Jinki insisted as Kibum pressed the back of his hand to his forehead. “Just been having some trouble sleeping that’s all.”
Everyone fell quiet when Minho came up to Jinki. Minho stared at Jinki’s face for a moment before running a finger gently under the shadows of his eyes. Jinki gulped. “I’m fine - “ he started but Minho grabbed Jinki’s arm and pulled him to his feet. He gave the others a look that read “Don’t follow us,” before walking out of the intern room.
“Minho where are we going?” Jinki asked as Minho continued to drag him down the hall. Minho didn’t answer and opened the door to the stairs. Jinki blanched. “I’m too tired for the stairs - eep!” Jinki squeaked as Minho put his arms around Jinki’s waist and lifted him easily into his arms, carrying him bridal style.
“I was just kidding Minho,” Jinki panicked out loud as Minho began to climb the stairs. “I can walk. Really. It’s no trouble. Just put me down - “ Jinki stopped talking when Minho just gave him a smoldering look.
Don’t question me, his eyes read.
Jinki was silent for the rest of his “ride” upstairs.
Minho stopped at the “C” door and soon began to walk down to his room. Jinki was tempted to ask Minho to put him down again, but he decided against it. Minho opened his door, switched on the lights, and walked in.
Immediately he placed Jinki on his bed. Jinki looked up at him with incredulous eyes. “Are you asking me to sleep here?” Minho nodded. Jinki just stared at him. Minho stared back solemnly. He was serious.
Jinki groaned out loud. “Minho, I can’t.” Minho was silent. Of course. Jinki sighed and stretched out on the bed and closed his eyes. Sleep. He wanted it, yes. But it was eluding him quite effectively and he doubted that sleeping in someone else’s bed would do anything for him.
The bed squeaked and Jinki squealed when Minho’s wrapped around his waist and pulled his body flush against Minho’s.
Jinki opened his eyes and craned his neck to look back at Minho. The other boy was frowning. The tips of Jinki’s ears burned. “O-Oh okay Minho! I’m going to sleep!” He quickly flipped back to the other side and closed his eyes again.
Sleep, sleep… his mind whispered tiredly. Hands started to run through Jinki’s hair and he let out a sigh.
“Thanks Minho,” he mumbled quietly and after a few moments he was finally on the verge of falling asleep. As darkness shrouded his mind he was pretty sure he heard a deep, “Anytime hyung.”
Maybe he really was going paranoid.
“I did hear it though,” he told Yoona insistently as they wheeled a cart of food to the “B” patients. “I think Minho actually talked.” Yoona listened with wide eyes. This was why Jinki liked Yoona, despite her teasing nature, when Jinki had something to say, she really paid attention. It was nice.
“But that’d be amazing you know,” she thought out loud, stopping in front of “B3.” They quickly went inside, placed the food tray on the patient’s table, and walked back out. “I mean.” Her eyes were sparkling now. “He hasn’t said a word in three years! And you were the first person he spoke to,” she sighed a little. “That’s so romantic.”
Jinki smacked the back of her head. “Yah,” he chided. “I’m serious here. If Minho really is talking, I kind of want him to start talking to everyone. You know?”
Yoona shrugged and rubbed the spot where Jinki had hit her with a pout. “I don’t think you can force something like this oppa. Maybe you should wait. Maybe Minho has something important to say.”
Jinki sighed and looked down at a cup of gelatin. It wiggled mockingly at him. “Yeah, maybe he does.”
“Did you bring Mean Girls?” Kibum demanded, shifting through the pile of DVDs. Taemin lifted up Happy Feet and beamed at everyone.
“Saebyuk says we should watch this one first!” Jonghyun opened his mouth to protest - he wanted to watch something with guns or sex - but Kibum just glared at him and nodding adoringly in Taemin’s direction.
Jinki tried to hide a snort. Movie night was a good idea after all. “It’s okay guys,” he said cheerfully, looking pointedly at Jonghyun. “The point is to stay up all night and watch movies. We should be able to watch a good amount of these.”
“Yay!” Kibum and Taemin clapped their hands happily and Jonghyun looked relieved.
“Okay,” he said. “But we’re not watching sappy girly movies all the time okay Kibum?” Kibum’s expression instantly crumpled.
“My movies are not - are not girly!” he bawled. Jonghyun twitched a bit as Taemin made to comfort him. Jinki just laughed and popped Happy Feet into the DVD player.
Several movies and bags of popcorn later, Jinki found that all of the boys had somehow fallen asleep. Jonghyun was snoring and muttering from his place on the couch and Taemin was curled up like a cat, Kibum’s arms around him like a mother hen.
The credits for The Lake House rolled and Jinki smiled fondly at the sight of them as he draped blankets over their bodies. They could sleep here tonight, just this once.
“Hyung.” Jinki froze. That deep voice again. The one from his dreams, the one he heard the day he almost fell down the stairs. He gulped. He was afraid to turn around. “Hyung.”
And suddenly Minho was beside him, hands on his shoulders. “Hyung, look at me,” Minho urged hoarsely. Jinki blinked rapidly and turned to stare. Minho’s eyes held a profound sadness and his mouth was twisted oddly, painfully, making it seem like it actually hurt for him to talk.
There was silence for a moment. “This can’t be real,” Jinki whispered and he lifted a hand to touch Minho’s lips. Minho smiled a forlorn little smile and Jinki’s heart broke.
“Three years is a long time.” Jinki took Minho’s hand and they walked over to the couch. They sat down and Jinki was painfully aware of a sudden awkwardness in the air. Well, he couldn’t help it - Minho was talking for the first time in three years and Jinki had only known the boy for a few months. Of course it was going to be a little weird.
It doesn’t matter, a voice in Jinki’s head said determinedly. He’s your friend. You’re going to help him, Lee Jinki.
But where to start? Jinki cleared his throat uncomfortably before voicing a question that had been bothering him for a while: “Why?”
Minho shrugged. “I saw the way you fixed Taemin,” he said simply and Jinki was taken aback at Minho’s choice of words. “Fixed” was a…different way to describe it.
“I didn’t - “Jinki tried to say but Minho just shook his head.
“There was something different about you. I don’t know when I realized it, but I did.” Minho laughed softly. “I don’t think I was this talkative when I wasn’t mute.” They both shared a smile at this.
Minho’s smile quickly fell though. “I just…” Minho sighed and looked down at his hands.
“I haven’t cried.”
Jinki blinked. “What?” Minho smiled sort of stiffly.
“I didn’t cry at the funeral. I didn’t cry when I found them dead. I just stopped talking. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I just…” Minho’s voice began to tremble. “I just want to cry. Is that so hard? Shouldn’t normal people cry at something like this? Am I not normal?”
Jinki bit his lip as that profound sadness shadowed Minho’s eyes again. “You’re not abnormal,” he said softly. Minho laughed bitterly at that. Jinki frowned and waved his arms a bit for emphasis. “You’re not! Really!” Jinki’s eyes swept the room anxiously and he froze when he saw a certain DVD on the floor.
“I am,” he started, bending down to pick up the DVD. “Because I cried like a baby when I watched this movie.”
Minho stared when Jinki shoved the DVD in his hands. “Titanic?” Jinki saw the ends of Minho’s lips quirk into a smile, a real smile, and he was momentarily relieved.
“Let’s watch it.”
And so they did. Eventually the part where Jinki always broke down came up, and he began to flail. “Jack,” Jinki whimpered. “Oh Jack. Oh Rose. Oh.”
Minho began to shake next to him and Jinki was sure that the other boy was laughing at him. But, Minho buried his face in Jinki’s shoulder and Jinki felt the wetness soak up his shirt.
He sniffed.
The two of them cried together that night, for entirely different reasons, but it didn’t matter to Jinki. It really didn’t matter at all.
Jinki let Minho stay silent for another week before he started to prod the boy to talk out loud. “Come on Minho,” Jinki whined out loud for the fifth time. Minho just glared at him. Taemin blinked.
“Jinki hyung…why do you keep talking to Minho hyung like that? It’s not like he can say anything back…” Jinki looked at Minho deviously. Minho’s glared intensified. Taemin just looked confused.
“Actually Taemin ah - “
“Stop it Jonghyun, give it to me!” Kibum shrieked, pulling at the DS in Jonghyun’s hands. Jonghyun made a face and tightened his grip on the game console.
“You just used it,” he argued. “Plus it’s mine so fuck off Kibum.” Kibum’s face turned beet red and he began to scream obscenities at Jonghyun. Jinki sighed, all evil plans of tricking Minho into talking temporarily foiled, and he made his way to cover a traumatized Taemin’s ears with his hands.
“…Please just shut up,” Minho said quietly. Jinki froze. Jonghyun froze. Kibum choked. Taemin tilted his head in confusion - his ears were still covered, but not his eyes.
“Erm, did Minho hyung just talk?” he asked uncertainly.
No one answered the poor boy because Minho opened his mouth again, “If you’re done being donsaeng I’m going to go read in my room.” And he coolly walked out of the room in a slight huff. Taemin just blinked.
“Well guys, did he? Hey guys, don’t just stand around looking like fish - answer me! Hyung!”
April;
Taemin looked about the room rather glumly. “Saebyuk says it’s lonely without Jinki hyung here,” he complained. Minho patted Taemin comfortingly on the head. Jonghyun just scoffed.
“Whatever. He ditched us so.”
Minho threw a glare in Jonghyun’s way but the older boy was still unfazed. “Like I said, he ditched us. Ditched.” Now he was looking back at Minho, daring him to try to start an argument.
“He didn’t,” Minho hissed through gritted teeth. Jonghyun threw his hands up in exasperation.
“Fuck Minho, I liked it better when you were quiet.” Minho stood up at this but Taemin pulled on the fabric of his shirt, eyes beginning to water.
“Saebyuk says not to fight, please don’t - “
“Where the fuck is Kibum?” Jonghyun suddenly asked eyes suddenly very anxious. Minho and Taemin looked at him, confused.
“In his room?” Jonghyun’s face paled and he immediately stood up, grabbing Minho by the arm and dragging him out of the room.
“God, I hope not.”
They walked into Kibum’s room and froze when they saw him on the bed, body absolutely still. “Hyung,” Taemin gasped a little and was at Kibum’s side almost instantly. He shook Kibum’s shoulder a little. “Hyung! Are you okay? Hyung!”
“Sedatives,” Minho confirmed grimly pointing at several needles on the drawer next to Kibum’s bed. Anger surged through Jonghyun’s veins. He grabbed the needles and threw them on the floor. “Hyung,” Minho admonished quietly.
Jonghyun just spat on the floor. “Why the hell do they keep giving him meds? He hasn’t exploded in forever, he’s been on his best behavior and everything. I just -“ Jonghyun stopped and buried his face in his hands. “I just don’t want to see him like this.”
“His breathing is really uneven.” Taemin’s eyes were watery. “Saebyuk says normal people don’t sleep like this.”
“Yeah, because normal people go to sleep out of their own free will.” Jonghyun looked at Kibum’s pale face and grimaced. “Shit, Kibum. At this rate, bipolarity isn’t going to be the only thing he suffers from.”
Jungsu blinked when he saw Jinki walking over to him. “Oh Jinki!” he exclaimed voice exceptionally surprised. “I’m a little shocked to see you here, the internship did end last week so - “
Jinki only smiled at the older man. “Well I didn’t come yesterday because my friends threw me a congratulatory party.” His expression turned a little sheepish at this. “For finishing the internship successfully or something like that.” Jungsu cackled at this.
“Well I offer my congratulations as well,” Jungsu clapped Jinki’s shoulder in a friendly manner. “But really Jinki, you don’t have to come back here.”
Jinki laughed a little. “But I want to.”
Jungsu’s smile fell a bit here. “Jinki,” he started uncertainly. “There’s something I should probably show you.”
Jinki stared at the folders. Five folders. Five important confidential folders. Four important confidential folders about Minho, Taemin, Kibum, and Jonghyun. One extremely important confidential folder about what the Chungnam Board of Directors (aka the CBOD) thought of them.
Jungsu had given them to him about two hours ago, but he still hadn’t opened them. It wasn’t like he didn’t know what was inside them - he knew. Well almost all of them. Two folders were practically screaming at him to open them.
His hand hovered uncertainly over Jonghyun’s before changing his mind and grabbing the CBOD’s instead.
Tiffany giggled as she handed the phone over to Jessica. “It’s for you. It’s a boy.” Her giggles intensified when Jessica just stared at her blankly.
“I don’t talk to boys,” Jessica said calmly but took the phone from Tiffany anyway. Her eyes widened a bit. “…Jinki ssi?”
“Um, can we meet somewhere?”
Jinki’s voice was anxious and Jessica was instantly worried. “You okay? What’s wrong?” There was a sigh on the other line.
“ Just meet me at the bakery okay?”
Jinki pushed the folders to Jessica. Jessica looked at them apprehensively before opening Taemin’s. Her eyebrows rose a bit. “So these are your boys,” she stated slowly as she began to read through them. Jinki merely stayed silent and sipped quietly at his coffee. Jessica finally got to the CBOD’s folder. She went through it once, paused for a moment, then went through it a second time.
“This is absolutely ridiculous,” she snapped when she had finished. “ Threat to society? Are you kidding me? Who the hell is part of this ridiculous board anyway?”
Jinki shrugged tiredly. “I only know one of the members. And I just don’t understand.” His bottom lip trembled slightly. “How many - “ his voice shook here and Jessica leaned over to place her hand over his. He shook his head. “How many years has it been since they were last outside? All of them. It’s not fair. It isn’t.”
Jessica began to speak comforting words but Jinki wasn’t really listening. His mind wandered and soon images of the sadness in Minho’s eyes, the tightness of Taemin’s smile, Kibum’s half-hearted complaining, and Jonghyun’s silence swirled in his eyes, blinding him.
“Don’t cry Jinki ssi,” Jessica said anxiously, handing him her handkerchief. Jinki blinked at her.
“Oh.” His cheeks were red with embarrassment. “I’m sorry-I didn’t mean-can you help me?” he finally blurted out. Jinki’s face burned even more.
Jessica just looked confused. “Help? With what?”
Jinki’s embarrassment toned down a bit and was replaced with a sort of grimness. “A proposal. I want to write a proposal for their release from Chungnam.”
Kibum groaned blearily when he felt someone shaking his shoulder. “Taemin ah…let me sleep for a little longer…”
“I’m not Taemin.”
Kibum instantly stood up from his bed and gaped at a solemn looking Jinki. “Jinki! You’re here!” His surprise was removed with disdain. “Wait. You’re here.” He frowned sourly. “Why?”
Jinki smiled sheepishly. “I’m going to ask you to keep my coming here a secret from everyone else.”
Kibum’s eyes widened. “What? Why the hell should I do that? And you didn’t answer my question - your internship is up so you shouldn’t even be here.” Kibum’s frown deepened. “We all knew your stay wasn’t permanent so why are you coming to rub that fact in our face?”
Jinki was silent for a moment. Kibum mistook his silence for guilt and he smiled grimly, satisfied. “See? Even you know. You can’t stay friends with freaks like us.”
Something in Jinki’s face changed when Kibum said “freaks” but it was soon back to his unusually calm façade.
“Does it hurt?”
“Are you on crack?” Kibum demanded harshly, wondering what was wrong with the normally cheerful boy. “What hurts?”
Jinki smiled painfully. “Does it hurt when they give you your medicine?”
Kibum’s hand was instantly at Jinki’s throat. He squeezed hard and Jinki choked silently. “You asshole,” Kibum hissed. “Calling that shit medicine of all things. You’re no better than them Jinki, the board, those nurses, fucking Jungsu-“
Tears dropped onto Kibum’s fist. Kibum stared at Jinki’s crying face in disbelief. “What -“ he started but Jinki just shook his head.
“I’m sorry,” he managed to voice out.
Kibum’s mouth tightened and he released Jinki. Jinki began rubbing his throat and watched as Kibum walked back to his bed and grabbed a handful of empty glass needle bottles. He walked back to Jinki. “You want to know what they feel like?” he asked angrily. Jinki was silent. Kibum shoved the glass onto Jinki’s forehead. Blood immediately started dripping down Jinki’s face. Kibum released the smashed glass pieces and just stared at Jinki.
“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah it fucking hurts.”
Jinki patted Kibum’s shoulder, his smile looking out of place among the blood and tears. “I’ll be back in a week okay?”
Jinki winced as Yoona reapplied his bandage on his forehead. “Ow, be careful.” This just made Yoona press on his wound even harder. Jinki squealed in pain. Yoona looked up and glared at him.
“You’re crazy you know that?” she snapped. “We’re going against the freaking board, there’s no way we’re going to win.”
Jessica smiled lightly. “You never know Yoona ssi.” Yoona only sighed.
“Yeah you never know.” The look on Jinki’s face was determined. “Plus I want to do this. Really. I do. It’s just,” Jinki struggled for words here, face contorted in concentration. “Not fair,” he finally said looking at Yoona pensively.
Yoona’s hands became gentler as she lightly stroked Jinki’s bandaged forehead. “Okay,” she said softly. “It’s okay oppa, I understand your feelings at least.”
Jinki beamed at her before his face paled. “Oh my god, we’re going to go see the board now.” Yoona’s eyes widened as Jinki began to rock in place, eyes terrified.
Jessica sighed. “Oh dear,” she murmured as she handed Jinki a paper bag. Yoona looked like she wanted to run away.