[KHR] Happiness is a Warm Gun
happiness is a warm gun
8086 yamamoto/haru; pg-13; ~3000w
when they come back from the future, haru goes through a change. yamamoto is worried.
When they all had returned to the past, their peaceful past, Yamamoto hoped that the bulk of their problems were gone, that they could go back to happy days.
He only got half of his wish.
The happy days, to some extent, were back. Tsuna’s smile rearranged itself a little, and there were more creases on Gokudera’s head than before, but for the most part, Yamamoto was content. Everyone had stepped back into their little molds, wiser than before but pretty much the same.
Except for one person.
Miura Haru held an uncharacteristically serious expression on her face when she dropped by Tsuna’s house that day. Tsuna, Gokudera, and Yamamoto were sprawled on the floor of Tsuna’s room studying frantically for upcoming high school entrance exams, textbooks and notes scattered around them.
Yamamoto was the first to notice her standing in the hallway, “…Yo!” he said with his usual cheery wave and smile hiding his confusion at her expression. “Haru.”
“Eh?” Tsuna looked up from his math book with wide eyes. “Haru! What are you doing here?!” Gokudera snorted from beside Tsuna, muttering some sort of insult under his breath.
Haru ignored all of that and walked until she was standing right in front of Tsuna. Tsuna looked up at her serious face. “…eh…?”
“I want to fight.”
There was silence. Then Tsuna’s shocked, “What?!” echoed in the still atmosphere. Haru’s expression didn’t fade.
“I said I want to - “
“We heard you, stupid woman.” Gokudera’s words are harsh, Yamamoto thought, kind of like a slap to the face. Haru bristled a little as if the sting of his words were pinching her. “We heard you, and we’re not interested.”
So blunt, so harsh. They didn’t hold the usual boyish nastiness Gokudera usually threw at Haru - no, they were serious, down to the cigarette the boy was now fumbling with.
It’s not a game anymore.
Yamamoto watched Haru worry her bottom lip between her teeth, watched her fists clench down beside her skirt. Watched her eyes tear up a little.
The girl wouldn’t give up. “If you try to say I’m weak, I’m not! I can learn. Reborn-kun can - “
“No.” Tsuna straightened and faced Haru with an equally serious air. “Haru, I can’t allow you to get involved in the mafia like that. It’s too dangerous. I…” Tsuna faltered here and looked to the ground. Yamamoto could see it - guilt from placing Haru in that dangerous situation in the future, guilt for any potential dangerous situations to come in the future.
“I could never forgive myself.”
Haru snapped. Yamamoto could tell by the sudden color in her cheeks and the increase of wetness in her eyes. “Tsuna-san! Did you ever think about how Haru could never forgive herself?!” She was shaking and dipping back into third-person. Yamamoto watched her self-control spiral away.
She raised her hand as if to hit Tsuna and the boy automatically flinched. Gokudera was already standing up, “Oi woman - “
But Haru’s threatening hand fell back to her side limply. Yamamoto waited to see if she would make a fist again. She didn’t.
“Fine.” It was only a whisper but it was heavy, heavy with things Yamamoto didn’t quite understand and even if Haru had stayed longer or said anything else, he probably wouldn’t have understood. She was already out the door when Tsuna opened his mouth to say something, anything, but it was too late. Haru was gone.
Tsuna sank back to the floor with a positively defeated expression on his face. Yamamoto finally spoke. “Hey hey! Cheer up. Give her some space, she’ll come around eventually.” He slung a friendly arm around Tsuna’s slumped shoulders for encouragement, ignoring Gokudera’s growl.
“Cheer up,” he repeated and Yamamoto wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince himself or Tsuna. Because despite his words, he couldn’t help this weird gut feeling he got, like something thick was churning in his stomach. He recalled Haru’s eyes and the churning increased. Maybe he was experiencing what they called intuition or foreshadowing. Something like that.
Either way, it was the first of many surprising things Miura Haru would do.
She was avoiding them. That was to be expected. A week had gone by since Haru’s little episode and she hadn’t wandered to the Sawada residence since. Tsuna sighed a little, Gokudera spouted words of relief, and Yamamoto just frowned. His gut feeling had been right and he didn’t like it. Not one bit. He rather missed the eccentric girl’s bright presence in the house. She was interesting. What she had done last week only added to her interesting-ness though it came with a whole bucket of confusion.
Tsuna ultimately freaked out when he found out she was ignoring Kyoko too. Yamamoto had seen in her class and casually asked about Haru. A frown marred her soft features. “I actually haven’t talked to Haru-chan all week. She’s not returning my phone calls and she’s never home when I drop by. I’m worried.” She looked at Tsuna meaningfully. “Do you know if anything happened to her?”
The poor boy had flailed in response but Gokudera salvaged the situation. “We’re not quite sure, but we’ll drop by her place too. And let you know if something’s up,” he added hastily when Kyoko’s features twisted some more. She finally nodded at Gokudera’s reassurance and waved off Tsuna’s worry.
The troubled look in her eyes didn’t fade.
Yamamoto frowned.
He wound up in front of Haru’s house after baseball practice had ended. He stared at the door, sweat from the physical exertion still sticking to his forehead. After a moment he finally rang the doorbell. He heard a slight shuffling from inside the house before the door was opened unexpectedly by a tired looking middle-aged man. Yamamoto blinked.
Ah, must be Haru’s father. He flashed the man his usual grin and bowed politely. “Hello sir! I was just wondering, if Haru was in? I was wondering if I could talk to her…” Yamamoto trailed off when Haru’s father started looking him up and down with narrowed eyes.
“Name?” he asked suddenly. Yamamoto blinked.
“Eh?”
The man sighed. “Name?” he pressed.
“Er…Yamamoto Takeshi.” Haru’s father stared at him again, face scrunched up as if trying to remember something. Yamamoto watched the man cautiously.
“One moment please - “ The man disappeared into the house and Yamamoto peeked his head into the house, hearing bits and pieces of Haru’s father’s conversation with himself. “Now where did I put that damned list - Haru must not be disturbed - is he her boyfriend?”
When he returned, Yamamoto was trying his hardest not to laugh. It seemed that Haru’s dad was as interesting as she was. “You’re okay to come in,” he said gravely. “Haru’s upstairs but don’t stay for too long!”
Bemused, Yamamoto nodded and made his way inside and upstairs and into the room that had “Haru Haru Dangerous!” written on the door.
When he quietly opened the door and saw Haru, completely knocked out, lying across her desk papers and books piled high, he couldn’t stifle the smile that formed on his face. He walked closer and looked at her face, at her pale cheeks, at her dark hair, at the dark smudges under her closed eyes.
Yamamoto’s smile faded. He touched Haru’s shoulder and traced his fingers down to her sleeve. It was wet.
He stared at Haru’s figure for a while before quietly going through her desk drawers until he found a pad of pink post-its and a pen. He scribbled a quick “Fighting!” on one of the post-its along with a big smiley face. Yamamoto was tempted to draw a baseball too but he figured that would give himself away.
He placed the post-it on the sleeping Haru’s forehead and quietly slipped away.
Sasagawa Kyoko had good reason to be worried.
A few more weeks passed by and Haru had officially ignored them for an entire month. And even though it wasn’t aimed at him personally, Yamamoto found that he was more affected by it than he thought. He wasn’t the only one though. The females were all particularly worried but no one had it in them to confront Haru directly. If she wanted to be left alone, then what could they do?
“But we’re family,” Tsuna admitted reluctantly as they walked home, Haru a hot topic in their conversation once again. It was raining that day and the three of them had cramped under one large umbrella. “I know she must be upset but…”
Tsuna made sense, Yamamoto thought, temporarily blocking out Gokudera’s yells. They were family. So while Haru’s behavior was understandable, it was also completely uncalled for.
“I’ll fix this,” he announced confidently. Gokudera stopped mid-rant and raised an eyebrow.
“Good luck with that, baseball freak.” Tsuna eyed Yamamoto nervously but Yamamoto wasn’t paying attention to either of them. He was going to find Haru and drag her back. For Tsuna and Kyoko and Lambo and I-pin who couldn’t stop crying at the loss of their older sister. For the family’s sake.
Of course, Yamamoto had planned to drop by her place the next day, with a box of tissues just in case. But things don’t really work out they way they’re supposed to. He dropped Tsuna off at his place and started walking back home, whistling a lively tune, letting the rain pelt his face. The umbrella was left at Tsuna’s place but Yamamoto didn’t really mind. As long as he took a hot bath when he got home, he wouldn’t get sick.
As he passed by Namimori Park, Yamamoto suddenly froze, aware of someone else’s presence. He turned his head and saw a figure walking towards the field, coat-less and umbrella-less. Curiosity getting the better of him, Yamamoto followed the figure stealthily, making sure his sneakers didn’t make too loud of a squelching noise. He hid behind a bush when the person - from this angle Yamamoto saw that it was a girl - stopped walking and turned around.
Yamamoto ducked his head so he wouldn’t be found. He rubbed his eyes furiously.
What in the world is she doing here?
Haru stared up at the sky with a blank expression. Her ponytail was damp and slightly lowered from the rain, her Midori uniform soaked. The water bloated her clothes and she looked tinier than usual.
Then, she began to dance.
It wasn’t really dancing. Nothing like ballerinas or anything graceful like that. But Haru moved her body in a sway, arms raising rhythmically, skirt rising with every turn. Yamamoto watched, transfixed, until she came to sudden halt and fell to the ground, hands grabbing desperately at the earth. He stared as she slowly curled up into a ball. Her shoulders began shaking.
Yamamoto wasn’t stupid.
He slowly sneaked out of the bushes and walked out of the field, back onto the road. He stared up at the sky and wondered why it was so that he had managed to witness two of Haru’s possibly most private moments of her life.
He didn’t go to her house the next day.
When she came back, she still wasn’t there. Not quite. Haru rarely brought up mafia, let alone the reasons why she had left them for over a month. She didn’t go on about how she was going to be Tsuna’s wife, she didn’t really argue with Gokudera, she didn’t do anything.
If anything, the concern for her had increased. Even Reborn’s usual calm façade was cracked by a frown. But again, no one did anything. Yamamoto supposed it was because no one could really fix it - and how foolish he had been for thinking he could - and Haru was the only person who knew what she was feeling and that was that.
Looking into her dull eyes, Yamamoto silently mourned the light that was gone and knew that this was the end of childhood, end of “hahi-s”, end of cosplay, end of things that should be.
He didn’t like it.
But, they were starting high school, and the mafia was getting more intense, which meant more training and not nearly enough time to angst over their own helplessness. Haru was moving from her prestigious middle school to even more prestigious high school.
Yamamoto could feel her slipping away and with one hand holding his sword and the other holding his baseball bat, there was no room for him to dive down and save her.
One day, when baseball practice was suddenly cancelled, Yamamoto decided that it was as good as any opportunity to do some solo training. His muscles twitched in excitement as he swung his katana over his shoulder, making his way to the dojo. It had been a while since he spent some quality alone time with his sword. He slid open the door, ready to get to work, and froze.
“Hahi?!” Standing before him holding a wooden staff was a sweaty, red-faced, wide-eyed Miura Haru.
Yamamoto’s jaw dropped “Haru?” he asked incredulously.
She flinched at his tone. “Y-Yamamoto-san! Haru thought you had baseball practice…” Haru dropped her gaze to the wooden staff in her hands. Yamamoto’s eyes followed.
“It got cancelled. What are you doing here? And with that?”
Haru bit her lip. “Your father said I could practice here. Haru only came when you had practice so - “
“Wait,” Yamamoto’s eyes shot back to her red face. “You’ve been coming here multiple times?”
Haru’s response was a quiet, “…yes.”
Yamamoto shook his head. “And you’ve been training?”
Her cheeks flushed darker as she nodded. “Futa-kun said that the weapon best suited for Haru was a staff so Haru bought one and - “
Her grip around the staff tightened. Yamamoto noticed. He quickly kicked his shoes off and started walking towards her.
“Haru,” he began softly. “Why are you doing this?”
Haru’s entire form froze. “Haru just wants to get stronger.” Yamamoto wanted to look at her eyes but her face was still stubbornly pointed downwards. He hadn’t heard her speak in the third person for so long - he wanted to know if it was real or if she was just acting. He stepped closer to her, stretching an arm out.
“Haru - “
“Don’t.” Yamamoto stopped. She was staring at him with watery eyes, mouth set in a determined line, looking just like she did when she told Tsuna she wanted to fight. “Don’t tell me I can’t get stronger. Don’t tell me I can’t do this. I have to!”
Gone was the third person and here was the strange empty shell of a Haru. Yamamoto’s jaw tightened. Two quick steps and he was right in front of her. Her eyes widened. “Yamamoto - “ He grabbed her shoulders tightly, efficiently shutting her up.
“Why? We’re your family Haru, we’ll protect you!” Haru shut her eyes and began shaking her head furiously.
“No!”
No? Yamamoto repeated in his head, thoroughly confused. His grip tightened and he shook her a little. “Listen to me Haru! Getting stronger shouldn’t mean abandoning yourself. Have you looked in the mirror lately? You’re so tired. You’re not you! You should be with us just as you are!”
Haru trembled in his arms. “Just as I am won’t work!” she shouted angrily. A tear slipped down her cheek. Yamamoto watched it slide down her neck. “You don’t understand Yamamoto-san! I’m not, I’m not part of the family!”
Yamamoto stared at her in shock as her words sunk in. “What? What the hell are you talking about? Of course you’re a part of the family!”
Haru shook her head again, so hard her hair tumbled out of her loose ponytail. “No I’m not! What am I, Yamamoto-san? I’m not Kyoko, not something precious to protect. I’m not Bianchi-san, not a fighter like her. Even I-pin-chan can fight! So what am I? Just dead weight!”
“That’s not true!” Yamamoto was surprised at how loud his voice was, how angry it was. He shook her again for emphasis. “What you’re saying is nonsense, Haru, complete nonsense!”
“It is not!”
Before he could blink, she broke away from him and ran to the other side of the room, his katana in her hands. She unsheathed it and Yamamoto’s heart stopped when Haru raised it to her neck, metal glinting ominously. “Don’t!” he yelled, dashing towards her. Haru grabbed a lock of her hair and moved the blade.
Chunks of chocolate colored hair fell to the ground.
“Haru!” Yamamoto ran up grabbed her wrist. “Haru, stop!”
“Leave me alone!” she pulled away and hacked at the other side of her head. “Haru won’t be left behind!” she sobbed loudly. Yamamoto seized his katana from her hands. She stared at him, pieces of hair sticking to her wet cheeks, shoulders shaking uncontrollably. “I won’t,” she repeated.
Yamamoto wished he could say something significant, something inspiring like Tsuna, or life-changing like Reborn. He wished he were more articulate or profound so that he could comfort her in a way that couldn’t be beat.
He wasn’t though.
So he did the only thing he could think to do.
Putting his sword down gently, Yamamoto’s arms wrapped around Haru’s shaking form and pulled her to his chest. He could already feel the wet spots on his shirt. He didn’t care.
“No one’s leaving,” he murmured into her hair. Haru choked back a cry and her hands lifted to fist themselves in his shirt. He pet the top of her head in what he hoped was a soothing manner.
“Haru was,” Haru hiccupped. “Haru was really lonely. It was really lonely.”
Yamamoto held her a little tighter. “I know.”
When Haru came over the next day, her hair was properly cut. Gokudera stared. “Oi, woman. What did you do to your hair?”
Haru scowled. “I cut it obviously! Jeez, Gokudera-san.”
Yamamoto grinned at Gokudera’s expression. It was the perfect combination of shock and outrage. “What’s up with that kind of tone?!”
Haru stuck her tongue out and Gokudera began spluttering. Kyoko beamed at her friend and ran over to clutch at her arm. “It looks great, Haru-chan!”
Tsuna blinked. “O-Oh yeah,” he said quickly following his beloved Kyoko-chan’s example. “I think you look nice Haru.”
Haru giggled and flipped a strand of her short her. Her eyes met with Yamamoto for a second. “It’s a whole new Haru.”
Yamamoto’s grin widened.
8086 yamamoto/haru; pg-13; ~3000w
when they come back from the future, haru goes through a change. yamamoto is worried.
When they all had returned to the past, their peaceful past, Yamamoto hoped that the bulk of their problems were gone, that they could go back to happy days.
He only got half of his wish.
The happy days, to some extent, were back. Tsuna’s smile rearranged itself a little, and there were more creases on Gokudera’s head than before, but for the most part, Yamamoto was content. Everyone had stepped back into their little molds, wiser than before but pretty much the same.
Except for one person.
Miura Haru held an uncharacteristically serious expression on her face when she dropped by Tsuna’s house that day. Tsuna, Gokudera, and Yamamoto were sprawled on the floor of Tsuna’s room studying frantically for upcoming high school entrance exams, textbooks and notes scattered around them.
Yamamoto was the first to notice her standing in the hallway, “…Yo!” he said with his usual cheery wave and smile hiding his confusion at her expression. “Haru.”
“Eh?” Tsuna looked up from his math book with wide eyes. “Haru! What are you doing here?!” Gokudera snorted from beside Tsuna, muttering some sort of insult under his breath.
Haru ignored all of that and walked until she was standing right in front of Tsuna. Tsuna looked up at her serious face. “…eh…?”
“I want to fight.”
There was silence. Then Tsuna’s shocked, “What?!” echoed in the still atmosphere. Haru’s expression didn’t fade.
“I said I want to - “
“We heard you, stupid woman.” Gokudera’s words are harsh, Yamamoto thought, kind of like a slap to the face. Haru bristled a little as if the sting of his words were pinching her. “We heard you, and we’re not interested.”
So blunt, so harsh. They didn’t hold the usual boyish nastiness Gokudera usually threw at Haru - no, they were serious, down to the cigarette the boy was now fumbling with.
It’s not a game anymore.
Yamamoto watched Haru worry her bottom lip between her teeth, watched her fists clench down beside her skirt. Watched her eyes tear up a little.
The girl wouldn’t give up. “If you try to say I’m weak, I’m not! I can learn. Reborn-kun can - “
“No.” Tsuna straightened and faced Haru with an equally serious air. “Haru, I can’t allow you to get involved in the mafia like that. It’s too dangerous. I…” Tsuna faltered here and looked to the ground. Yamamoto could see it - guilt from placing Haru in that dangerous situation in the future, guilt for any potential dangerous situations to come in the future.
“I could never forgive myself.”
Haru snapped. Yamamoto could tell by the sudden color in her cheeks and the increase of wetness in her eyes. “Tsuna-san! Did you ever think about how Haru could never forgive herself?!” She was shaking and dipping back into third-person. Yamamoto watched her self-control spiral away.
She raised her hand as if to hit Tsuna and the boy automatically flinched. Gokudera was already standing up, “Oi woman - “
But Haru’s threatening hand fell back to her side limply. Yamamoto waited to see if she would make a fist again. She didn’t.
“Fine.” It was only a whisper but it was heavy, heavy with things Yamamoto didn’t quite understand and even if Haru had stayed longer or said anything else, he probably wouldn’t have understood. She was already out the door when Tsuna opened his mouth to say something, anything, but it was too late. Haru was gone.
Tsuna sank back to the floor with a positively defeated expression on his face. Yamamoto finally spoke. “Hey hey! Cheer up. Give her some space, she’ll come around eventually.” He slung a friendly arm around Tsuna’s slumped shoulders for encouragement, ignoring Gokudera’s growl.
“Cheer up,” he repeated and Yamamoto wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince himself or Tsuna. Because despite his words, he couldn’t help this weird gut feeling he got, like something thick was churning in his stomach. He recalled Haru’s eyes and the churning increased. Maybe he was experiencing what they called intuition or foreshadowing. Something like that.
Either way, it was the first of many surprising things Miura Haru would do.
She was avoiding them. That was to be expected. A week had gone by since Haru’s little episode and she hadn’t wandered to the Sawada residence since. Tsuna sighed a little, Gokudera spouted words of relief, and Yamamoto just frowned. His gut feeling had been right and he didn’t like it. Not one bit. He rather missed the eccentric girl’s bright presence in the house. She was interesting. What she had done last week only added to her interesting-ness though it came with a whole bucket of confusion.
Tsuna ultimately freaked out when he found out she was ignoring Kyoko too. Yamamoto had seen in her class and casually asked about Haru. A frown marred her soft features. “I actually haven’t talked to Haru-chan all week. She’s not returning my phone calls and she’s never home when I drop by. I’m worried.” She looked at Tsuna meaningfully. “Do you know if anything happened to her?”
The poor boy had flailed in response but Gokudera salvaged the situation. “We’re not quite sure, but we’ll drop by her place too. And let you know if something’s up,” he added hastily when Kyoko’s features twisted some more. She finally nodded at Gokudera’s reassurance and waved off Tsuna’s worry.
The troubled look in her eyes didn’t fade.
Yamamoto frowned.
He wound up in front of Haru’s house after baseball practice had ended. He stared at the door, sweat from the physical exertion still sticking to his forehead. After a moment he finally rang the doorbell. He heard a slight shuffling from inside the house before the door was opened unexpectedly by a tired looking middle-aged man. Yamamoto blinked.
Ah, must be Haru’s father. He flashed the man his usual grin and bowed politely. “Hello sir! I was just wondering, if Haru was in? I was wondering if I could talk to her…” Yamamoto trailed off when Haru’s father started looking him up and down with narrowed eyes.
“Name?” he asked suddenly. Yamamoto blinked.
“Eh?”
The man sighed. “Name?” he pressed.
“Er…Yamamoto Takeshi.” Haru’s father stared at him again, face scrunched up as if trying to remember something. Yamamoto watched the man cautiously.
“One moment please - “ The man disappeared into the house and Yamamoto peeked his head into the house, hearing bits and pieces of Haru’s father’s conversation with himself. “Now where did I put that damned list - Haru must not be disturbed - is he her boyfriend?”
When he returned, Yamamoto was trying his hardest not to laugh. It seemed that Haru’s dad was as interesting as she was. “You’re okay to come in,” he said gravely. “Haru’s upstairs but don’t stay for too long!”
Bemused, Yamamoto nodded and made his way inside and upstairs and into the room that had “Haru Haru Dangerous!” written on the door.
When he quietly opened the door and saw Haru, completely knocked out, lying across her desk papers and books piled high, he couldn’t stifle the smile that formed on his face. He walked closer and looked at her face, at her pale cheeks, at her dark hair, at the dark smudges under her closed eyes.
Yamamoto’s smile faded. He touched Haru’s shoulder and traced his fingers down to her sleeve. It was wet.
He stared at Haru’s figure for a while before quietly going through her desk drawers until he found a pad of pink post-its and a pen. He scribbled a quick “Fighting!” on one of the post-its along with a big smiley face. Yamamoto was tempted to draw a baseball too but he figured that would give himself away.
He placed the post-it on the sleeping Haru’s forehead and quietly slipped away.
Sasagawa Kyoko had good reason to be worried.
A few more weeks passed by and Haru had officially ignored them for an entire month. And even though it wasn’t aimed at him personally, Yamamoto found that he was more affected by it than he thought. He wasn’t the only one though. The females were all particularly worried but no one had it in them to confront Haru directly. If she wanted to be left alone, then what could they do?
“But we’re family,” Tsuna admitted reluctantly as they walked home, Haru a hot topic in their conversation once again. It was raining that day and the three of them had cramped under one large umbrella. “I know she must be upset but…”
Tsuna made sense, Yamamoto thought, temporarily blocking out Gokudera’s yells. They were family. So while Haru’s behavior was understandable, it was also completely uncalled for.
“I’ll fix this,” he announced confidently. Gokudera stopped mid-rant and raised an eyebrow.
“Good luck with that, baseball freak.” Tsuna eyed Yamamoto nervously but Yamamoto wasn’t paying attention to either of them. He was going to find Haru and drag her back. For Tsuna and Kyoko and Lambo and I-pin who couldn’t stop crying at the loss of their older sister. For the family’s sake.
Of course, Yamamoto had planned to drop by her place the next day, with a box of tissues just in case. But things don’t really work out they way they’re supposed to. He dropped Tsuna off at his place and started walking back home, whistling a lively tune, letting the rain pelt his face. The umbrella was left at Tsuna’s place but Yamamoto didn’t really mind. As long as he took a hot bath when he got home, he wouldn’t get sick.
As he passed by Namimori Park, Yamamoto suddenly froze, aware of someone else’s presence. He turned his head and saw a figure walking towards the field, coat-less and umbrella-less. Curiosity getting the better of him, Yamamoto followed the figure stealthily, making sure his sneakers didn’t make too loud of a squelching noise. He hid behind a bush when the person - from this angle Yamamoto saw that it was a girl - stopped walking and turned around.
Yamamoto ducked his head so he wouldn’t be found. He rubbed his eyes furiously.
What in the world is she doing here?
Haru stared up at the sky with a blank expression. Her ponytail was damp and slightly lowered from the rain, her Midori uniform soaked. The water bloated her clothes and she looked tinier than usual.
Then, she began to dance.
It wasn’t really dancing. Nothing like ballerinas or anything graceful like that. But Haru moved her body in a sway, arms raising rhythmically, skirt rising with every turn. Yamamoto watched, transfixed, until she came to sudden halt and fell to the ground, hands grabbing desperately at the earth. He stared as she slowly curled up into a ball. Her shoulders began shaking.
Yamamoto wasn’t stupid.
He slowly sneaked out of the bushes and walked out of the field, back onto the road. He stared up at the sky and wondered why it was so that he had managed to witness two of Haru’s possibly most private moments of her life.
He didn’t go to her house the next day.
When she came back, she still wasn’t there. Not quite. Haru rarely brought up mafia, let alone the reasons why she had left them for over a month. She didn’t go on about how she was going to be Tsuna’s wife, she didn’t really argue with Gokudera, she didn’t do anything.
If anything, the concern for her had increased. Even Reborn’s usual calm façade was cracked by a frown. But again, no one did anything. Yamamoto supposed it was because no one could really fix it - and how foolish he had been for thinking he could - and Haru was the only person who knew what she was feeling and that was that.
Looking into her dull eyes, Yamamoto silently mourned the light that was gone and knew that this was the end of childhood, end of “hahi-s”, end of cosplay, end of things that should be.
He didn’t like it.
But, they were starting high school, and the mafia was getting more intense, which meant more training and not nearly enough time to angst over their own helplessness. Haru was moving from her prestigious middle school to even more prestigious high school.
Yamamoto could feel her slipping away and with one hand holding his sword and the other holding his baseball bat, there was no room for him to dive down and save her.
One day, when baseball practice was suddenly cancelled, Yamamoto decided that it was as good as any opportunity to do some solo training. His muscles twitched in excitement as he swung his katana over his shoulder, making his way to the dojo. It had been a while since he spent some quality alone time with his sword. He slid open the door, ready to get to work, and froze.
“Hahi?!” Standing before him holding a wooden staff was a sweaty, red-faced, wide-eyed Miura Haru.
Yamamoto’s jaw dropped “Haru?” he asked incredulously.
She flinched at his tone. “Y-Yamamoto-san! Haru thought you had baseball practice…” Haru dropped her gaze to the wooden staff in her hands. Yamamoto’s eyes followed.
“It got cancelled. What are you doing here? And with that?”
Haru bit her lip. “Your father said I could practice here. Haru only came when you had practice so - “
“Wait,” Yamamoto’s eyes shot back to her red face. “You’ve been coming here multiple times?”
Haru’s response was a quiet, “…yes.”
Yamamoto shook his head. “And you’ve been training?”
Her cheeks flushed darker as she nodded. “Futa-kun said that the weapon best suited for Haru was a staff so Haru bought one and - “
Her grip around the staff tightened. Yamamoto noticed. He quickly kicked his shoes off and started walking towards her.
“Haru,” he began softly. “Why are you doing this?”
Haru’s entire form froze. “Haru just wants to get stronger.” Yamamoto wanted to look at her eyes but her face was still stubbornly pointed downwards. He hadn’t heard her speak in the third person for so long - he wanted to know if it was real or if she was just acting. He stepped closer to her, stretching an arm out.
“Haru - “
“Don’t.” Yamamoto stopped. She was staring at him with watery eyes, mouth set in a determined line, looking just like she did when she told Tsuna she wanted to fight. “Don’t tell me I can’t get stronger. Don’t tell me I can’t do this. I have to!”
Gone was the third person and here was the strange empty shell of a Haru. Yamamoto’s jaw tightened. Two quick steps and he was right in front of her. Her eyes widened. “Yamamoto - “ He grabbed her shoulders tightly, efficiently shutting her up.
“Why? We’re your family Haru, we’ll protect you!” Haru shut her eyes and began shaking her head furiously.
“No!”
No? Yamamoto repeated in his head, thoroughly confused. His grip tightened and he shook her a little. “Listen to me Haru! Getting stronger shouldn’t mean abandoning yourself. Have you looked in the mirror lately? You’re so tired. You’re not you! You should be with us just as you are!”
Haru trembled in his arms. “Just as I am won’t work!” she shouted angrily. A tear slipped down her cheek. Yamamoto watched it slide down her neck. “You don’t understand Yamamoto-san! I’m not, I’m not part of the family!”
Yamamoto stared at her in shock as her words sunk in. “What? What the hell are you talking about? Of course you’re a part of the family!”
Haru shook her head again, so hard her hair tumbled out of her loose ponytail. “No I’m not! What am I, Yamamoto-san? I’m not Kyoko, not something precious to protect. I’m not Bianchi-san, not a fighter like her. Even I-pin-chan can fight! So what am I? Just dead weight!”
“That’s not true!” Yamamoto was surprised at how loud his voice was, how angry it was. He shook her again for emphasis. “What you’re saying is nonsense, Haru, complete nonsense!”
“It is not!”
Before he could blink, she broke away from him and ran to the other side of the room, his katana in her hands. She unsheathed it and Yamamoto’s heart stopped when Haru raised it to her neck, metal glinting ominously. “Don’t!” he yelled, dashing towards her. Haru grabbed a lock of her hair and moved the blade.
Chunks of chocolate colored hair fell to the ground.
“Haru!” Yamamoto ran up grabbed her wrist. “Haru, stop!”
“Leave me alone!” she pulled away and hacked at the other side of her head. “Haru won’t be left behind!” she sobbed loudly. Yamamoto seized his katana from her hands. She stared at him, pieces of hair sticking to her wet cheeks, shoulders shaking uncontrollably. “I won’t,” she repeated.
Yamamoto wished he could say something significant, something inspiring like Tsuna, or life-changing like Reborn. He wished he were more articulate or profound so that he could comfort her in a way that couldn’t be beat.
He wasn’t though.
So he did the only thing he could think to do.
Putting his sword down gently, Yamamoto’s arms wrapped around Haru’s shaking form and pulled her to his chest. He could already feel the wet spots on his shirt. He didn’t care.
“No one’s leaving,” he murmured into her hair. Haru choked back a cry and her hands lifted to fist themselves in his shirt. He pet the top of her head in what he hoped was a soothing manner.
“Haru was,” Haru hiccupped. “Haru was really lonely. It was really lonely.”
Yamamoto held her a little tighter. “I know.”
When Haru came over the next day, her hair was properly cut. Gokudera stared. “Oi, woman. What did you do to your hair?”
Haru scowled. “I cut it obviously! Jeez, Gokudera-san.”
Yamamoto grinned at Gokudera’s expression. It was the perfect combination of shock and outrage. “What’s up with that kind of tone?!”
Haru stuck her tongue out and Gokudera began spluttering. Kyoko beamed at her friend and ran over to clutch at her arm. “It looks great, Haru-chan!”
Tsuna blinked. “O-Oh yeah,” he said quickly following his beloved Kyoko-chan’s example. “I think you look nice Haru.”
Haru giggled and flipped a strand of her short her. Her eyes met with Yamamoto for a second. “It’s a whole new Haru.”
Yamamoto’s grin widened.