[Code Geass] For the Sake of a Smile (Ch 3)
for the sake of a smile (ch 3)
suzaku/kallen; pg-13; ~2220w
post series: even with everything finished, they're still here. in pieces, but still here. now it's up to them whether or not they want to put the pieces back together.
It had been a week since Kallen officially moved into his home. She didn’t exactly announce it but once she started bringing bigger suitcases, Suzaku knew that she was here to stay. Not that he minded exactly. His intense confusion overshadowed any other annoyance he could’ve possibly felt. Because that underlying question kept coming up.
How did she find him?
Now, Suzaku didn’t want to sound ungrateful or anything like that. He was extremely grateful for Kallen being here with him. Having company that referred to him as “Suzaku” instead of “Zero-sama” was…refreshing to say the least. Though he wasn’t sure what it did for his sanity.
Damn him and his constant identity crisis.
And on top of all of that, he genuinely enjoyed having Kallen in his apartment, his life. Even though it had only been for a short while and nothing overly emotional or dramatic had happened since the first two days, Suzaku found himself slowly slipping into a comfortable routine with the girl. She had claimed his bed and room so for the past few days he had temporarily slept on the couch.
Well…he certainly hoped it was temporary. Either way, he didn’t mind so much. His couch was pretty comfy.
Their mornings usually started off with him making breakfast and the daunting task of waking Kallen up. Kallen was a deep sleeper and a deep dreamer as well. It always seemed like she was still in her own little world every time he crept into his room to wake her up. Not to mention that Kallen was rather violent in her sleep. His first attempt after their little incident a few days ago left him with a bloody nose. Second, a kick to the groin.
Proof that Koizuki Kallen was still a dangerous person. Very dangerous.
Playful banter and reminiscing usually followed after their rather horrific mornings. Kallen always brightened up on a full stomach which resulted in Suzaku making rather elaborate breakfasts to ease the fiery half-breed into a good mood. Breakfast was usually followed by movies, cards, or naps. They were quite the lazy pair.
However, it was when Kallen left the apartment to buy them lunch or other groceries, that Suzaku panicked. Without Kallen’s loud presence he was left to his own devices. His own devices being his thoughts. His evil, evil thoughts.
The first time Kallen stepped out of the house, Suzaku went into a frenzied state, running to the bathroom and grabbing his Zero outfit from the bottom cabinet. After a few agonizing minutes of slamming his head in frustration against his wall, he managed to think of an appropriate hiding spot.
There was one loose floorboard in his room and he managed to pull it off completely revealing a hollow space. He tore several other floorboards until he had enough room to stow away his cape and outfit.
The mask, on the other hand, was a tricky one.
It was laying rather comfortable in the bottom kitchen cabinet while Suzaku convinced a rather skeptical Kallen to go out and buy a potted plant.
“But, why?” Kallen asked in exasperation, not sure whether to be amused or disturbed when Suzaku got on his knees in a praying position.
“Because!” Suzaku struggled for words. “The apartment needs spicing up. A potted plant is hip. Fashionable. Wouldn’t it look nice?”
Kallen snorted at this. “Suzaku,” she said slowly. “No one is ever going to come here. Ever.”
Suzaku whined and moaned but it was the pout that finally got Kallen out of the house. “All right, all right! Jeez I can’t believe I’m dealing with a seven year old here.”
She brought home a large, magnificent plant with glossy green leaves and an intricately carved stone pot, slightly larger than his Zero mask. That was important Suzaku had purposely placed it on the living room table, in between the TV and the couch where he and Kallen usually sat.
And then, two days after Kallen had bought the plant that she rather affectionately called Leaf-kun, he enacted his master plan.
It happened at noon while they were watching some variety show. Usually, Suzaku allowed Kallen to be a girl and watch whatever the heck she wanted because one, it was amusing to see her get worked up and two, Suzaku wanted to keep his already battered body as safe as possible.
But today’s mission was a suicidal mission.
Right when Kallen started laughing at the fat man who made lame jokes all the time, Suzaku leaned over, grabbed the remote, and changed the channel.
Kallen immediately stopped laughing.
“Suzaku,” she said lowly, turning to face him. Suzaku kept his eyes concentrated on the football game. “Why are we watching this?”
“You know, Britannians call this football now, but it used to be called soccer, a long time ago.”
“Suzaku!” Kallen put her plate down on the table next to Leaf-kun and attempted to grab the remote from Suzaku’s hands. “I was watching something.”
Suzaku shrugged. “So now we’re watching this.”
Kallen’s eyebrow twitched severely.
Please God, Suzaku prayed silently as Kallen lifted her fist. Please let me come out of this unscathed.
He leapt for her just as she propelled her arm forward. His plate shattered on the floor and Kallen barked something about him being a useless man who didn’t care for dishes, but no matter. He rammed her purposely towards the table and they struggled for a bit, Suzaku forcing himself to be the dominator in this battle.
“Little - cheater!” Kallen grunted before lifting up her legs. The sudden movement caused Suzaku to flop rather ungracefully across the table - and right into Leaf-kun.
Kallen watched in horror as the pot fell to the ground and broke into a dozen pieces, bits of soil and stone scattered everywhere. “Leaf-kun!” she screeched.
After she’d finished beating Suzaku to a bloody pulp, Kallen decided to go out and eat some cakes in order to “mourn Leaf-kun properly.” Suzaku waved her goodbye rather awkwardly for it was still painful to move.
Nonetheless, the objective had been completed. He gathered the broken remains of Leaf-kun and slowly put it back together. The result was a pot that resembled the original one for Suzaku had messed with the dimensions a little so that the fit would be looser than expected. For convenience’s sake.
Suzaku placed Zero’s mask into Leaf-kun’s pot, marveling at the way it fit, and congratulated himself for a day’s work well done. He put only a light layer of soil on top of the mask and placed Leaf-kun’s battered body to top it all off. Zero-mask-Leaf-kun’s new home was on top of his dresser, where he was sure Kallen wouldn’t touch it.
“So why,” Suzaku asked the bathroom wall when he had completely finished. “Did I bother breaking it when I could’ve just dumped the soil out?” He turned the sink tap on and began to wash his dirtied hands. “Well you see,” he continued speaking. “It wouldn’t have been fun if I just did it like that. Would it?”
Needless to say, Kallen threw a piece of chocolate cake in his face when she came to see Leaf-kun in all his beaten glory. But Suzaku had predicted right - she hadn’t even bothered picking it up or observing it.
His secret was safe. For now.
Perhaps he had spoken too soon.
“Zero-san,” Nunally’s voice was as sweet as ever though the years of being Empress had given it a mature and tired edge. “I haven’t heard from you in a while. I decided to call and…check up on you.”
Suzaku scratched his head nervously, fingers on the phone slicking with cold sweat. He placed a blanket on Kallen, who had fallen asleep on the couch earlier, and gave her form one anxious look before quietly making his way to his bedroom. He locked the door immediately and slip to the ground, walk against the wood of the door.
“Ah Your Majesty,” he tried not to stumble, slipping into as much of the Zero voice as he could. Not having the mask made things a lot harder. He took a deep breath.
Easy, Suzaku. You can handle this.
“Are your quarters to your liking?”
Suzaku allowed a weak smile to form amidst all his nervousness. This was the Nunally he knew and loved, always thinking of others and never herself.
“Yes, Your Majesty. Quite suitable for my tastes.” The words felt like paper in his mouth. So impersonal, so frigid. It was for the best, he was Zero at this moment, not Suzaku.
But this was Nunally. Nunally who had been such a huge part of Suzaku. Nunally who reminded him of Euphemia in so many ways.
…Euphie. Suzaku shut his eyes tight in an attempt to force the water forming in his eyes away. This wasn’t the time to think of such things. He was Zero, not Nunally’s Suzaku, not Euphie’s Suzaku. Zero.
“…Zero-san? Zero-san!” Nunally’s voice anxiously cut through his thoughts. He took another deep breath.
“Yes Your Majesty? Forgive me, I’m a bit…distracted.”
“That’s quite alright.” There was still a trace of worry in her voice but she continued on despite the fact. “As I was saying, have you heard any reports from the Black Knights lately? Or Ohgi-san?”
Suzaku wracked his brain for any information he might’ve gotten from the past week.
No, no reporting, but did you happen to know that I have one of the most powerful Black Knights living in my house, sleeping in my bed? Did you know?
“Aside from usual reporting of the city, nothing, Your Majesty.”
“…I see,” Nunally’s voice was quiet. “Then I suppose we’ve nothing to talk about then, do we?”
The urge to laugh didn’t escape him. Nunally was still such a child, their Empress was a child, a beautiful child with a beautiful mind.
“Zero-san?” Suzaku was still too busy chuckling to bother responding. “…Suzaku?”
He froze.
No no no no no -
“Suzaku,” Nunally sounded desperate, fragile, just like the Nunally he used to protect all the time. “Suzaku if it’s you, do tell me. I’m all alone here. I don’t have anyone anymore. Please Suzaku. Answer me.”
The tears he’d forced back were starting to return. He could be Nunally’s Suzaku again…couldn’t he? All it would take was one word, one affirmation, one soft “Nunally” instead of “Your Majesty” and he could be rid of this damned curse Lelouch placed on him.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. The noise made Suzaku jump instantly to his feet and he faced the door with wide eyes.
“Suzaku?” Kallen’s tired voice made her sound more like a little girl than anything. “Suzaku, you in there?”
“Suzaku?” Nunally sounded close to tears.
Suzaku closed his eyes in resignation.
“I’m sorry Your Majesty,” he said calmly, making sure his voice betrayed none of the emotion he was feeling. “Kururugi Suzaku is dead.”
Nunally sobbed. “F-Forgive me Zero-san. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
The dial tone blared in his ear and Suzaku stood there as Kallen continued to knock and call his name. He had just thrown everything he held dear about his past away. He made Nunally cry.
“I’m sorry, Lelouch,” he whispered to the air as he tucked the phone back into his pocket. Finally he walked over and opened the door to reveal an irritable Kallen.
“There you are! What were you doing in there? Do you know how long I was calling your - hey,” Kallen’s anger immediately dissipated when she saw Suzaku’s face. “What happened? Are you alright?”
Suzaku stumbled forward and Kallen quickly wrapped her arms around his middle to keep him steady. “H-Hey! Suzaku! What’s wrong?”
“…Can I sleep with you tonight…?”
Kallen dropped him to the floor. “What?”
Suzaku didn’t even have to look up to see her blush. He already knew it. “I promise I won’t do anything perverted. I just…” he took in another shaky breath. Why had it suddenly become so hard to breathe?
“I just need to know that I’m not alone right now.”
There was silence from Kallen. Then, Suzaku listened to the sound of her footsteps as she passed him on the ground, across the floor, until she’d crawled into his bed. Suzaku sighed as he stood up. He shouldn’t have expected so much from her. Especially when it came out of nowhere.
His hand touched the doorknob when he heard her clear her throat uncomfortably.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
Suzaku quickly turned around to see that she had moved to one side of the bed, leaving enough space for one more person. He could see that her cheeks were still pink and her eyes were looking anywhere but at him.
He stepped towards her.
She froze. “D-Don’t forget to turn off the lights!” she stuttered before diving under the covers. He blinked at her request and chuckled softly before flipping the switch off. He walked towards the bed and gingerly slipped in.
Instant comfort hit him. “Oh gosh,” he sighed in delight. “It’s been so long since I’ve slept in my own bed.”
Kallen “hmph-ed” next to him and he chuckled again. He scooted closer to her so he could whisper in her ear, “I never said it was your fault.”
A foot came out of nowhere and hit Suzaku right in the gut. He groaned before rolling back to his place.
“Not so close,” Kallen muttered.
Suzaku whimpered an apology and rubbed his stomach to ease the pain. Such a violent girl he was living with.
But it was real. He could hear the sound of Kallen’s steady breathing, smell her soft scent. If he moved any closer he could touch her…
“Kallen,” he whispered softly. He heard her moan in response. “Kallen, thank you.”
“…I didn’t even do anything, idiot,” she muttered sleepily before her breathing evened out. She’d fallen asleep. Suzaku flipped to the other side and stared at her figure until he was sure she was sound asleep. Then he crept closer like he’d done earlier and gently moved some hair away from her face.
This was definitely real.
“I could get used to this,” he murmured softly. He settled next to her and drifted off to sleep, lulled by the sound of Kallen’s slight snoring.
And for the first time in a very long time, Suzaku didn’t dream of pink-haired princesses and bloodied white dresses.
suzaku/kallen; pg-13; ~2220w
post series: even with everything finished, they're still here. in pieces, but still here. now it's up to them whether or not they want to put the pieces back together.
It had been a week since Kallen officially moved into his home. She didn’t exactly announce it but once she started bringing bigger suitcases, Suzaku knew that she was here to stay. Not that he minded exactly. His intense confusion overshadowed any other annoyance he could’ve possibly felt. Because that underlying question kept coming up.
How did she find him?
Now, Suzaku didn’t want to sound ungrateful or anything like that. He was extremely grateful for Kallen being here with him. Having company that referred to him as “Suzaku” instead of “Zero-sama” was…refreshing to say the least. Though he wasn’t sure what it did for his sanity.
Damn him and his constant identity crisis.
And on top of all of that, he genuinely enjoyed having Kallen in his apartment, his life. Even though it had only been for a short while and nothing overly emotional or dramatic had happened since the first two days, Suzaku found himself slowly slipping into a comfortable routine with the girl. She had claimed his bed and room so for the past few days he had temporarily slept on the couch.
Well…he certainly hoped it was temporary. Either way, he didn’t mind so much. His couch was pretty comfy.
Their mornings usually started off with him making breakfast and the daunting task of waking Kallen up. Kallen was a deep sleeper and a deep dreamer as well. It always seemed like she was still in her own little world every time he crept into his room to wake her up. Not to mention that Kallen was rather violent in her sleep. His first attempt after their little incident a few days ago left him with a bloody nose. Second, a kick to the groin.
Proof that Koizuki Kallen was still a dangerous person. Very dangerous.
Playful banter and reminiscing usually followed after their rather horrific mornings. Kallen always brightened up on a full stomach which resulted in Suzaku making rather elaborate breakfasts to ease the fiery half-breed into a good mood. Breakfast was usually followed by movies, cards, or naps. They were quite the lazy pair.
However, it was when Kallen left the apartment to buy them lunch or other groceries, that Suzaku panicked. Without Kallen’s loud presence he was left to his own devices. His own devices being his thoughts. His evil, evil thoughts.
The first time Kallen stepped out of the house, Suzaku went into a frenzied state, running to the bathroom and grabbing his Zero outfit from the bottom cabinet. After a few agonizing minutes of slamming his head in frustration against his wall, he managed to think of an appropriate hiding spot.
There was one loose floorboard in his room and he managed to pull it off completely revealing a hollow space. He tore several other floorboards until he had enough room to stow away his cape and outfit.
The mask, on the other hand, was a tricky one.
It was laying rather comfortable in the bottom kitchen cabinet while Suzaku convinced a rather skeptical Kallen to go out and buy a potted plant.
“But, why?” Kallen asked in exasperation, not sure whether to be amused or disturbed when Suzaku got on his knees in a praying position.
“Because!” Suzaku struggled for words. “The apartment needs spicing up. A potted plant is hip. Fashionable. Wouldn’t it look nice?”
Kallen snorted at this. “Suzaku,” she said slowly. “No one is ever going to come here. Ever.”
Suzaku whined and moaned but it was the pout that finally got Kallen out of the house. “All right, all right! Jeez I can’t believe I’m dealing with a seven year old here.”
She brought home a large, magnificent plant with glossy green leaves and an intricately carved stone pot, slightly larger than his Zero mask. That was important Suzaku had purposely placed it on the living room table, in between the TV and the couch where he and Kallen usually sat.
And then, two days after Kallen had bought the plant that she rather affectionately called Leaf-kun, he enacted his master plan.
It happened at noon while they were watching some variety show. Usually, Suzaku allowed Kallen to be a girl and watch whatever the heck she wanted because one, it was amusing to see her get worked up and two, Suzaku wanted to keep his already battered body as safe as possible.
But today’s mission was a suicidal mission.
Right when Kallen started laughing at the fat man who made lame jokes all the time, Suzaku leaned over, grabbed the remote, and changed the channel.
Kallen immediately stopped laughing.
“Suzaku,” she said lowly, turning to face him. Suzaku kept his eyes concentrated on the football game. “Why are we watching this?”
“You know, Britannians call this football now, but it used to be called soccer, a long time ago.”
“Suzaku!” Kallen put her plate down on the table next to Leaf-kun and attempted to grab the remote from Suzaku’s hands. “I was watching something.”
Suzaku shrugged. “So now we’re watching this.”
Kallen’s eyebrow twitched severely.
Please God, Suzaku prayed silently as Kallen lifted her fist. Please let me come out of this unscathed.
He leapt for her just as she propelled her arm forward. His plate shattered on the floor and Kallen barked something about him being a useless man who didn’t care for dishes, but no matter. He rammed her purposely towards the table and they struggled for a bit, Suzaku forcing himself to be the dominator in this battle.
“Little - cheater!” Kallen grunted before lifting up her legs. The sudden movement caused Suzaku to flop rather ungracefully across the table - and right into Leaf-kun.
Kallen watched in horror as the pot fell to the ground and broke into a dozen pieces, bits of soil and stone scattered everywhere. “Leaf-kun!” she screeched.
After she’d finished beating Suzaku to a bloody pulp, Kallen decided to go out and eat some cakes in order to “mourn Leaf-kun properly.” Suzaku waved her goodbye rather awkwardly for it was still painful to move.
Nonetheless, the objective had been completed. He gathered the broken remains of Leaf-kun and slowly put it back together. The result was a pot that resembled the original one for Suzaku had messed with the dimensions a little so that the fit would be looser than expected. For convenience’s sake.
Suzaku placed Zero’s mask into Leaf-kun’s pot, marveling at the way it fit, and congratulated himself for a day’s work well done. He put only a light layer of soil on top of the mask and placed Leaf-kun’s battered body to top it all off. Zero-mask-Leaf-kun’s new home was on top of his dresser, where he was sure Kallen wouldn’t touch it.
“So why,” Suzaku asked the bathroom wall when he had completely finished. “Did I bother breaking it when I could’ve just dumped the soil out?” He turned the sink tap on and began to wash his dirtied hands. “Well you see,” he continued speaking. “It wouldn’t have been fun if I just did it like that. Would it?”
Needless to say, Kallen threw a piece of chocolate cake in his face when she came to see Leaf-kun in all his beaten glory. But Suzaku had predicted right - she hadn’t even bothered picking it up or observing it.
His secret was safe. For now.
Perhaps he had spoken too soon.
“Zero-san,” Nunally’s voice was as sweet as ever though the years of being Empress had given it a mature and tired edge. “I haven’t heard from you in a while. I decided to call and…check up on you.”
Suzaku scratched his head nervously, fingers on the phone slicking with cold sweat. He placed a blanket on Kallen, who had fallen asleep on the couch earlier, and gave her form one anxious look before quietly making his way to his bedroom. He locked the door immediately and slip to the ground, walk against the wood of the door.
“Ah Your Majesty,” he tried not to stumble, slipping into as much of the Zero voice as he could. Not having the mask made things a lot harder. He took a deep breath.
Easy, Suzaku. You can handle this.
“Are your quarters to your liking?”
Suzaku allowed a weak smile to form amidst all his nervousness. This was the Nunally he knew and loved, always thinking of others and never herself.
“Yes, Your Majesty. Quite suitable for my tastes.” The words felt like paper in his mouth. So impersonal, so frigid. It was for the best, he was Zero at this moment, not Suzaku.
But this was Nunally. Nunally who had been such a huge part of Suzaku. Nunally who reminded him of Euphemia in so many ways.
…Euphie. Suzaku shut his eyes tight in an attempt to force the water forming in his eyes away. This wasn’t the time to think of such things. He was Zero, not Nunally’s Suzaku, not Euphie’s Suzaku. Zero.
“…Zero-san? Zero-san!” Nunally’s voice anxiously cut through his thoughts. He took another deep breath.
“Yes Your Majesty? Forgive me, I’m a bit…distracted.”
“That’s quite alright.” There was still a trace of worry in her voice but she continued on despite the fact. “As I was saying, have you heard any reports from the Black Knights lately? Or Ohgi-san?”
Suzaku wracked his brain for any information he might’ve gotten from the past week.
No, no reporting, but did you happen to know that I have one of the most powerful Black Knights living in my house, sleeping in my bed? Did you know?
“Aside from usual reporting of the city, nothing, Your Majesty.”
“…I see,” Nunally’s voice was quiet. “Then I suppose we’ve nothing to talk about then, do we?”
The urge to laugh didn’t escape him. Nunally was still such a child, their Empress was a child, a beautiful child with a beautiful mind.
“Zero-san?” Suzaku was still too busy chuckling to bother responding. “…Suzaku?”
He froze.
No no no no no -
“Suzaku,” Nunally sounded desperate, fragile, just like the Nunally he used to protect all the time. “Suzaku if it’s you, do tell me. I’m all alone here. I don’t have anyone anymore. Please Suzaku. Answer me.”
The tears he’d forced back were starting to return. He could be Nunally’s Suzaku again…couldn’t he? All it would take was one word, one affirmation, one soft “Nunally” instead of “Your Majesty” and he could be rid of this damned curse Lelouch placed on him.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. The noise made Suzaku jump instantly to his feet and he faced the door with wide eyes.
“Suzaku?” Kallen’s tired voice made her sound more like a little girl than anything. “Suzaku, you in there?”
“Suzaku?” Nunally sounded close to tears.
Suzaku closed his eyes in resignation.
“I’m sorry Your Majesty,” he said calmly, making sure his voice betrayed none of the emotion he was feeling. “Kururugi Suzaku is dead.”
Nunally sobbed. “F-Forgive me Zero-san. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
The dial tone blared in his ear and Suzaku stood there as Kallen continued to knock and call his name. He had just thrown everything he held dear about his past away. He made Nunally cry.
“I’m sorry, Lelouch,” he whispered to the air as he tucked the phone back into his pocket. Finally he walked over and opened the door to reveal an irritable Kallen.
“There you are! What were you doing in there? Do you know how long I was calling your - hey,” Kallen’s anger immediately dissipated when she saw Suzaku’s face. “What happened? Are you alright?”
Suzaku stumbled forward and Kallen quickly wrapped her arms around his middle to keep him steady. “H-Hey! Suzaku! What’s wrong?”
“…Can I sleep with you tonight…?”
Kallen dropped him to the floor. “What?”
Suzaku didn’t even have to look up to see her blush. He already knew it. “I promise I won’t do anything perverted. I just…” he took in another shaky breath. Why had it suddenly become so hard to breathe?
“I just need to know that I’m not alone right now.”
There was silence from Kallen. Then, Suzaku listened to the sound of her footsteps as she passed him on the ground, across the floor, until she’d crawled into his bed. Suzaku sighed as he stood up. He shouldn’t have expected so much from her. Especially when it came out of nowhere.
His hand touched the doorknob when he heard her clear her throat uncomfortably.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
Suzaku quickly turned around to see that she had moved to one side of the bed, leaving enough space for one more person. He could see that her cheeks were still pink and her eyes were looking anywhere but at him.
He stepped towards her.
She froze. “D-Don’t forget to turn off the lights!” she stuttered before diving under the covers. He blinked at her request and chuckled softly before flipping the switch off. He walked towards the bed and gingerly slipped in.
Instant comfort hit him. “Oh gosh,” he sighed in delight. “It’s been so long since I’ve slept in my own bed.”
Kallen “hmph-ed” next to him and he chuckled again. He scooted closer to her so he could whisper in her ear, “I never said it was your fault.”
A foot came out of nowhere and hit Suzaku right in the gut. He groaned before rolling back to his place.
“Not so close,” Kallen muttered.
Suzaku whimpered an apology and rubbed his stomach to ease the pain. Such a violent girl he was living with.
But it was real. He could hear the sound of Kallen’s steady breathing, smell her soft scent. If he moved any closer he could touch her…
“Kallen,” he whispered softly. He heard her moan in response. “Kallen, thank you.”
“…I didn’t even do anything, idiot,” she muttered sleepily before her breathing evened out. She’d fallen asleep. Suzaku flipped to the other side and stared at her figure until he was sure she was sound asleep. Then he crept closer like he’d done earlier and gently moved some hair away from her face.
This was definitely real.
“I could get used to this,” he murmured softly. He settled next to her and drifted off to sleep, lulled by the sound of Kallen’s slight snoring.
And for the first time in a very long time, Suzaku didn’t dream of pink-haired princesses and bloodied white dresses.