Bit of an update. It's been a while.
Well, it seems that someday I talked about in my last journal entry about five months ago or so came much sooner than I imagined. I friended him. It mostly came from the fact that I'm fed up with myself. I'm tired of the stupid, irrational fears that I've clung to for years as my excuses. This was the biggest one and therefore it was the first one I dealt with. I won't undo it either. Even if we don't interact much, it'd be nice to know how he's doing. I don't need anything to come from it. I think I just want to put things behind me...or at least lock it up in one of my many mental closets. I just have to ignore that thread of chatter that's been driving me mental for the past several years and I've been getting pretty good at it lately...Or playing so much Portal 2 has addled my brains enough to cause a temporary insanity or sommat. *shrug* What's done is done. I will not take it back. In a way I need this question answered in order to move forward. Would I be accepted as a friend or not?
I kind of want to use this action to make myself understand that it's time to stop hiding from everything and take those first steps into the world. Once Natsucon is over...I will be out of excuses, but it's time I took steps to ensure I have something to move on to afterwards. Like a job. I still need to respond to the APA...I'm just worried about time management. Ah, okay, I lied, I have Elizabeth's wedding and the trip that goes along with it to deal with after Natsucon, but still, I won't have anything once that's over.
It's mostly about dealing with my erratic impulse control and motivation...and I'm struggling with it. Why? Because I think too damn much. I overanalyze and my perception of time is kinda warped. I always underestimate or overestimate. I easily get discouraged, confused, and/or freaked out when my brain starts to chatter about scheduling, which kills action pretty easily.
I just need to start writing down solid schedules and sticking to them. My perception of time may be off kilter and abnormal, but when I see a written schedule, it works better. I'm much calmer about it. Though trying to plan ahead can easily put me off doing anything if I'm not working with at least somewhat concrete facts, which is why being the head planner for conventions always drives me insane because most of my friends are rather noncommittal...or maybe a better word is indecisive...hard to say. What doesn't help is that I'm kinda the same way, so it just stresses me out...though it's almost always worth it in the end. XD
Anyway, so I think I've finally got this Portal 2 marathon out of my system and I can get back to work on my project list.
I feel better now...and really tired. Time for bed.
Catch ya' on the flipside, mates.
~Marty / Shin~