;001
I'll start by saying this: if you're going into this year with a passive attitude, hoping that 2010 will be better (I'm seeing a lot of "oh god 2009 was so shitty" here) instead of having decided to make it better, you've already failed. Your resolutions mean absolutely nothing in the face of this kind of defeatism and if you've given up at the outset like this, you may as well not even bother trying to keep them, because you won't be successful. What this sort of mindset says, to me, is that you don't exert nearly enough control over your own life to affect any major changes, so any grandiose declarations of ~possibilities~ are perfunctory at best and - at worst - a pointless waste of everyone's time to read.
If you're angry? Good. I want you to use that constructively and think of ways in which you may become a more active agent in your own life. Why not start living it instead of allowing it to merely happen around you? Do things because you actually want to do them and not out of some sense of obligation. Make more of your own decisions instead of "defaulting" to the least-painful option because you waffled for so long that the others were no longer viable. If you make commitments? Keep them. If there's something you want? Plan out how you're going to obtain it and follow through.
This is neither a lecture nor a pep talk, and I speak from no position of authority other than my own experience. And the fact of the matter is, well, I'm really not that old. However, I realize that I will be twenty-four this year and - in the event that I'm very fortunate, indeed - that means that nearly a quarter of my life is over. There was quite a bit of time spent idly waiting for awesome to occur that I will never, ever get back. I've squandered countless opportunities, severed beneficial connections, and sat on my ass and allowed situations to degrade over time that I should have used in ways other than wallowing in self-pity and rationalizing away my reasons for my complete refusal to take responsibility for myself. I can say with absolute honesty that I have never felt worse.
There is no greater bit of advice I can give all of you than the following: do not become this. If you already have? Stop and look at those around you that exhibit the same behavior, especially your elders. Are they actually happy? Do you want something similar to what they've cobbled together, or do you desire more for yourself? Assess that and how they may have arrived at that point, and then look at your own life. Make adjustments as necessary. The most important and probably the most difficult one is that you'll have to learn to stop being so fucking afraid. Don't cling to your justifications for inaction - from self-imposed guilt trips to various diagnoses - and do what you need to do in order to better yourself. It's certainly going to be difficult, but while life can definitely be simple, it's rarely - if ever - easy. Good luck.
Also, starting today, my journal is only partially locked. All entries prior to a certain date have been set to private because I'd like to start fresh. I'll tag and label posts and everything, for once.
I guess this is where I say Happy New Year!
If you're angry? Good. I want you to use that constructively and think of ways in which you may become a more active agent in your own life. Why not start living it instead of allowing it to merely happen around you? Do things because you actually want to do them and not out of some sense of obligation. Make more of your own decisions instead of "defaulting" to the least-painful option because you waffled for so long that the others were no longer viable. If you make commitments? Keep them. If there's something you want? Plan out how you're going to obtain it and follow through.
This is neither a lecture nor a pep talk, and I speak from no position of authority other than my own experience. And the fact of the matter is, well, I'm really not that old. However, I realize that I will be twenty-four this year and - in the event that I'm very fortunate, indeed - that means that nearly a quarter of my life is over. There was quite a bit of time spent idly waiting for awesome to occur that I will never, ever get back. I've squandered countless opportunities, severed beneficial connections, and sat on my ass and allowed situations to degrade over time that I should have used in ways other than wallowing in self-pity and rationalizing away my reasons for my complete refusal to take responsibility for myself. I can say with absolute honesty that I have never felt worse.
There is no greater bit of advice I can give all of you than the following: do not become this. If you already have? Stop and look at those around you that exhibit the same behavior, especially your elders. Are they actually happy? Do you want something similar to what they've cobbled together, or do you desire more for yourself? Assess that and how they may have arrived at that point, and then look at your own life. Make adjustments as necessary. The most important and probably the most difficult one is that you'll have to learn to stop being so fucking afraid. Don't cling to your justifications for inaction - from self-imposed guilt trips to various diagnoses - and do what you need to do in order to better yourself. It's certainly going to be difficult, but while life can definitely be simple, it's rarely - if ever - easy. Good luck.
Also, starting today, my journal is only partially locked. All entries prior to a certain date have been set to private because I'd like to start fresh. I'll tag and label posts and everything, for once.
I guess this is where I say Happy New Year!