The steps of recovery; PG-13; second part of chapter 4/6
Title: The steps of recovery
Author hangoverday
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Minkey, Ontae
Summary: Key, Minho, Jonghyun and Taemin all attend an AA group led by Jinki. They are all different but struggling with the same problems. The road to recovery is not easy but on the way they realise the importance of friendship, and love.
A/N: Don't own them, hoped that I didn't own the story either. Read and leave some love Y/Y. The offer for free chicken still stands.
Taemin woke up as someone gently shook him. He just wrapped the duvet more tightly around himself and refused to open his eyes. He felt exhausted and wanted nothing less than to leave the warmness and comfort of his bed.
“Five more minutes, Chansung”, Taemin mumbled and hoped the other would just leave him. He was surprised when he heard a laughter that most definitely didn’t belong to his brother.
“We’re both going to be late if you don’t get up now”, Jinki said amused and pulled the blanket away from Taemin. The cold air that suddenly surrounded him made Taemin open his eyes and squint at Jinki. All the memories from the previous night flooded to his head as he saw Jinki’s bruised and swollen face.
“Oh gosh, Jinki you look like shit!” Taemin cried out before he could think twice.
“That’s nice to hear, first thing in the morning”, Jinki pulled a face.
“How are you feeling?” Taemin asked worried. Jinki’s beautiful face was a complete mess as Taemin had predicted. Taemin didn’t even want to think about how bruised his body must’ve been.
“I feel as good as I look”, Jinki grimaced. “But don’t worry about it, I’ll live. Now change your clothes and come eat some breakfast”.
Jinki walked into the kitchen and Taemin quickly put on his school uniform. He washed his face with cold water to wake up properly before making his way to the kitchen and sitting down. Jinki gave him a platter filled with boiled eggs, bread and fresh vegetables. Taemin hadn’t even realised how hungry he was until now and he finished his food in no time. When he was ready he glanced at Jinki who was sitting across the table, reading the paper with a cup of coffee in his hand.
It had only been a few hours ago when Taemin had sat there on his lap, holding the other in his arms. Taemin sighed as he tried to shake off the memories. Jinki had said he only wanted to be friends and there was nothing he could do about it. It still managed to ruin his mood even further. As if sensing he was being stared at Jinki lifted his eyes to meet Taemin’s gaze.
“Everything okay?” Jinki asked him, a small smile on his face. Taemin wanted to throw something at Jinki. It was so unfair how the other could make Taemin fall for him and then just force him to act as if nothing had happened. Taemin just nodded and went to get his belongings. When he was ready Jinki was in the hallway putting on his jacket. The journey to Taemin’s school was quiet. Jinki kept glancing at him but Taemin just looked out of the window defiantly.
“See you at six then”, Jinki said hesitantly as Taemin was getting off of the car. He looked like he wanted to say something more but Taemin didn’t give him the opportunity. He plastered one of his fake smiles on and waved goodbye before nearly running away. He wasn’t going to show the other how much it pained him to act like this.
The school day seemed to last forever. Taemin kept dozing off during the lessons as he hadn’t got enough sleep at the night. He talked about the upcoming exams during the lunch break and managed to avoid giving a speech by lying that his throat hurt so he didn’t want to stress it. It was like most days in his life, uneventful. It was Taemin’s last class for that day and he was sitting in his usual spot near the window. Not in the front but also not quite in the back row, sitting in the middle was the best option if you wanted to avoid drawing attention to yourself.
“Who is Lee Jinki?” a girl’s voice asked behind Taemin. Taemin’s eyes widened as he realised he’d been scribbling Jinki’s name all over his notebook. Taemin blushed and quickly closed the book, cursing himself for being so careless. He turned to face the girl and tried to come up with some normal explanation for it.
“I’m thinking about changing my name to Jinki. I’m trying to get used to the name”, Taemin told the girl and wanted to smother himself as soon as the words left his mouth.
“Oh, okay”, the girl quirked her eyebrows as he gave Taemin a calculating look. Taemin hoped he would faint or something just to get out of the situation. People rarely talked to him and if they did he usually managed to make an idiot out if himself.
“Well it’s a nice name”, the girl said finally before leaning back on her seat. Taemin gave her a small smile before turning around. He wanted to hit his head against the wall but settled for slamming his forehead against the table. If Taemin had felt frustrated in the morning it had been nothing compared to this. When the bell rang Taemin nearly run out of the room and to his locker.
“Way to go, Taemin. Go on and tell everyone your changing your name to Jinki because surely they don’t think you’re weird enough beforehand”, Taemin muttered under his breath as he walked towards the gates. It started raining and in no time Taemin was soaking wet. He had always liked the rain and it actually made him feel a bit better as he watched some girls run past him complaining in high pitched voices, holding their hands over their heads like it would help. Taemin thought everything looked better trough a thick wall of rain. He started humming quietly as he walked back to home, feeling a bit more at ease.
“I’m home!” Taemin announced as he walked into the hallway and kicked off his shoes. He could hear his brother answer something from the kitchen and Taemin followed the voice to see Chansung prepare what Taemin assumed was chicken. It was burnt so badly it probably should’ve been thrown at the bin.
“You truly are the best cook”, Taemin chuckled as he poured some milk for himself. His brother just sighed and looked defeated.
“This is the reason I’m still living home”, Chansung muttered as he started eating the burnt food with a disgusted look on his face.
“You just need to find a girl who can cook well”, Taemin laughed. “Is Saga noona any good at making food?”
“I truly hope so. I have the worst hangover ever and this is totally not helping”, Chansung complained and took a sip from Taemin’s glass, making the younger boy to stick out his tongue.
“Real mature Taemin. Anyway Saga told me she got a job in this one dance studio and mentioned they have a few openings in some groups and she might be able to get you a place there”, Chansung told him while poking his food with his chopsticks.
“You know mom and dad will not pay for anything like that”, Taemin sighed. He lowered his gaze and stared at the little yellow dots in the tablecloth. “They think I should be doing some real sports like you do. Soccer and running and such”.
“I could try to convince them. You’re like the best dancer ever”, Chansung insisted while pushing away his plate. Taemin smiled at his brother and gave him a quick hug. Chansung might not know Taemin that well but he truly had a good heart.
“It’s okay, really. But thanks”, Taemin told him before leaving the kitchen. He needed to take a nap before leaving to the meeting or he might just fall asleep in the middle of his speech. The rain and his brothers support had made him feel better and he decided that maybe he could settle for being just friends with Jinki. He most definitely wasn’t going destroy their friendship just because of his feelings. Yes, Taemin could be mature if he wanted to and he was going to show it tonight.
Taemin arrived to the meeting a bit late as he had just pressed the snooze button in his mobile for too many times. He was out of breath as he rushed into the long corridor and made his way to the room number 17. He came to a halt as he heard shouting inside the room.
“This is just unbelievable”, Kibum’s voice complained.
“Well think positive, at least Taemin didn’t drink”, Jonghyun cut in before Kibum could start one of his never ending rants.
“So it’s totally okay Jinki hyung looks like he’s been hit by a truck?” Kibum snapped but Taemin knew he was just worried. It was weird how quickly he had learned to read the older boy.
“I’m fine, Key. Rather me than Taemin”, Jinki spoke quietly and it was hard to make out the words.
Taemin felt the guilt return. It really wasn’t okay that the other had been beaten up instead of him. Taemin decided he didn’t want to take part in that conversation so he made his way towards the bathroom. Perhaps hiding there for a while wasn’t the most mature thing to do but Taemin didn’t trust himself to stay calm if he had to go there and face the others. When Taemin stepped into the bathroom he nearly tripped over Minho who was lying on the floor.
“Hyung! What are you doing?” Taemin asked surprised as he managed to step over Minho’s body and grip the sink to stop himself from falling over. Minho looked embarrassed as he hid his face behind his hands. Minho was lying on his back, his feet drawn close to his body so his knees where pointing towards the ceiling and it took a few seconds for Taemin to realise what he’d been doing.
“You were doing sit ups!” Taemin exclaimed as he dropped himself next to Minho.
“Maybe”, Minho said and his words were stifled by his palms. Taemin stared at the other in disbelief. He had thought that Minho was doing just fine with his addiction but clearly he’d been wrong. Sneaking into the bathroom to do sit ups wasn’t really any better from sneaking in there to take shots.
“Hyung, you need to stop this now”, Taemin tried to sound authoritative.
“It’s really okay Taemin, just a few more and I’m ready”, Minho told him, finally moving his hands away from his face. The pleading look on his face made Taemin feel uncomfortable. Minho wasn’t the type to beg. But Taemin wanted to help his hyung so he just drew in a breath before shaking his head.
“No, hyung. You’re coming to the meeting room with me.” Taemin took hold of Minho’s arms and tried to pull him up but the other just pushed him away.
“Taemin just let it be, okay”, Minho’s voice was getting colder. Taemin flinched a bit at the tone but he wasn’t going to let it be. If he couldn’t handle this how was he supposed to handle his own problems?
“It’s not cool, hyung. You shouldn’t be doing this. Just come with me and I’ll tell my story and it will distract you from this”, Taemin insisted. Minho shook his head and didn’t answer. Fine, if being sensible wasn’t working he needed to use more powerful weapons then. Taemin stood up and walked to the door.
“I just wanted to help you”, Taemin muttered and made sure his voice was shaky as he put his arms around his body. He nearly grinned as he heard Minho shift behind him.
“Taemin, are you okay?” Minho asked with uncertainty. Taemin turned to face the other, biting his lower lip and wiping his eyes that were now filled with fake tears.
“Don’t worry about me hyung. How stupid of me to think I could help you”, Taemin sobbed. Minho looked absolutely lost and Taemin felt like his plan might work out. His kicked puppy performance had worked on his brother for years before Chansung had realised he was just faking it.
“I stopped, just don’t cry”, Minho muttered and moved closer to rest his hand on Taemin’s shoulder.
“Can we go to the meeting room now?” Taemin asked with his best childlike tone.
Minho sighed but nodded and it was so hard for Taemin not to let the victorious smile spread over his face. Instead he took Minho’s hand and started pulling him towards the room 17 before he could change his mind. When they entered the room all eyes fixed on them and their laces fingers.
“Where the hell have you guys been?” Jonghyun asked as he moved his gaze from the two of them to Jinki and Kibum who were staring at them with matching unpleased expressions.
“Why are you all sweaty hyung? What were you doing?” Kibum demanded his hands on his hips. Sometimes Taemin though he’d make one great girl.
“Nothing”, Minho muttered, avoiding Kibum’s death glare. Taemin let go of Minho’s hand and mouthed “sit ups” to Kibum as he made his way to his usual spot.
“You were doing sit ups?!” Kibum’s voice was a mix of anger and relieve.
“Traitor”, Minho said darkly and Taemin just giggled as he sat next to Jonghyun who was clearly enjoying the show.
“What were you thinking?” Kkibum nagged at Minho who was starting to look seriously pissed off. “Oh, actually let me guess. Nothing”.
“Who’s talking? You still reek of sex, did you get bored on your way here?” Minho snapped back, making Kibum look offended.
“What happened in the bathroom?” Jonghyun leaned closer to whisper into Taemin’s ear, turning Taemin’s attention away from the fighting couple.
“I just found Minho hyung there doing sit ups and then made him come here with me”, Taemin answered. On the background Jinki was trying to stop Kibum from hitting Minho with his man purse.
“How’d you manage to do that?” Jonghyun asked surprised.
“Well I sort of pretended to be crying”, Taemin admitted a bit embarrassed but Jonghyun just grinned at him and held his hand up for a high five.
“I knew you were a great guy”, Jonghyun laughed and Taemin couldn’t help but crack a smile. Trust Jonghyun to be the immoral one. Taemin shifted his attention back from Jonghyun as he saw that everyone had sat down to their chairs, Kibum and Minho sulking and turned away from each other.
“Glad that you guys finally decided to act like adults”, Jinki sighed as he gave a warning look to the couple. “I suppose we really need to make you timetables on Thursday on how to get back to normal life without overdoing your addiction. You can’t really avoid having sex or doings sports for the rest of your lives but clearly you need to find the right balance”.
Both Kibum and Minho remained silent and just glared at Jinki. Taemin felt almost like laughing at the sight but managed to stop himself. He really didn’t want to face both angry Kibum and Minho at the same time. Jonghyun was smiling happily and seemed to find the situation as amusing as Taemin did.
“Taemin, it’s your turn to share your story with us”, Jinki then told Taemin, his face unreadable. Taemin felt his heart skip a beat as he locked eyes with Jinki for the first time since morning. He inhaled sharply and nodded. He could do this, it was only his hyung here and he knew they cared for him.
“Uhm, so where should I start”, Taemin started, pushing away the bangs that were falling over his face. “Well I drank alcohol for the first time when I was 14. My brother and his friend had stolen some beer from our parents and let me have a little. I thought it tasted awful but I managed to drink a few cans because I wanted the older boys to think I was cool”.
Taemin paused for a bit to collect himself. He looked at the lame motivational posters on the walls and hoped the uneasy feeling inside him would just go away. He just wanted to forget about his past and start a new life, where he would be a new, better Taemin. Improved version of his shy and useless self.
“That’s when I realised what you could achieve with the help of alcohol. It was easier to joke around and be confident when I’d down the beer. It took a year more for the problems to start properly though. I’ve been bullied like since I started going to school but it all got worst when I was 15. A few guys from my class found out I was gay and decided to make sure my life was living hell”, Taemin realised he was trembling a bit by now. “When my parents found out what was happening we moved here. They thought that starting in a new school would solve everything but of course it didn’t. I have always been shy but it only got worse. After less than two months it came to the point where I couldn’t go more than a few days without drinking.”
Taemin could feel the tears build up behind his closed eyes. He knew there was no reason to cry or be ashamed but old habits were kicking in. He wanted to shut up, he didn’t want people to look at him like that. Taemin tossed his head so that his fringe was covering most of his face again. He did it whenever he felt like hiding from people’s stares. He could hear Jinki’s soft voice urge him to go on.
“I don’t even like drinking. I don’t want to drink but I can’t face people if I’m sober. And I just can’t tell about it to my parents or my brother because I don’t want them to be more disappointed than they are already”, Taemin’s voice broke down in the end and the tears started falling down his cheeks. He wiped them away angrily. He needed to be strong now.
“Taeminnie, even if I hate to see you cry it’s okay”, Jonghyun told him as he gently placed his hand on Taemin’s knee, moving his fingers gently across his thigh. “Don’t keep it all inside you, kiddo”.
“I really don’t think your parents or brother are disappointed with you, Taemin, why would they be”, Jinki murmured and Taemin refused to look at his way. Seeing Jinki’s face would only make him cry harder.
“Of course they are and they have every reason to be”, Taemin sobbed. He couldn’t hold himself together any longer. “I’m not like my brother who’s good at everything. We had to move because I was bullied and I can’t even make friends because I’m so weird. The only thing I’m good at is dancing and I know they don’t think it’s important, otherwise they would pay for my dance lessons so I could go and study it. I have to lie to them about everything being okay because I don’t want them to know what a sad person I still am!”
Taemin was out of breath when he finished. His whole body was shaking and he was hugging himself tightly. He hadn’t planned to say all those things but he had and now it was too late to take them back. Everyone was staring at him wide eyed. Taemin felt exhausted. Maybe it would just be easier to go back to how everything used to be.
“Don’t think like that”, Kibum’s voice was just a whisper as he walked in front of Taemin and kneeled down, taking Taemin’s head between his hands and forcing him to look at the older boy.
“You are one amazing person, Taemin. You’re talented and just because your parents don’t think much of dancing doesn’t mean you should think you’re worth nothing”, Kibum told him strictly but the expression on his face was soft.
“I just want them to be proud of me”, Taemin sobbed and gripped Kibum’s wrist, bringing them around himself. Kibum stood up so he could hug Taemin properly. He smelled like some exotic flowers and spices and for some reason it made Taemin feel secure.
“I’m sure they are proud of you. You just can’t seem to understand your own value and keep bringing yourself down”, Minho was suddenly standing next to them as well.
“Just because some idiots have been telling you all that shit doesn’t mean it’s true. You’re so much better than they will ever be. You should believe us instead of them”, Jonghyun added and Taemin could feel his hand sneak its way next to Kibum’s arms. Taemin smiled against Kibum’s sweater. He should’ve known his hyungs wouldn’t think he was stupid or childish. Taemin felt like some knot he hadn’t even been aware of ease in his stomach.
“I was supposed to tell you guys about my addiction, not about my family problems”, Taemin laughed quietly. “And yeah Jinki hyung I know they are related”, he added as he heard Jinki clear his throat to say something. Jonghyun chuckled and Taemin could hear Minho tease Jinki about how the maknae was going to take his place soon. Kibum pulled back and gave Taemin one those smiles that made his cheekbones stand out even more. Taemin smiled back and wiped the rest of wetness to his sleeve.
“I think I can hold it together now, thanks hyungs”, Taemin was grinning and he didn’t even know it was possible to slip from one emotion to another so quickly. But he felt happy knowing there were people who were ready to stand up for him. He’d never felt so at ease with people before.
“Thank you for telling your story, Taemin”, Jinki said smiling and this time Taemin was able to return the smile.
“I’m really sorry but I need to leave now. I have a doctor’s appointment soon because they told me not to come to work looking like this but I still need a medical certificate”, Jinki told them as he started to pack up his belongings.
“Uh, sorry about that again huyng”, Taemin muttered.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m just happy to have a day off”, Jinki reassured him. “If you guys want to you can stay here and discuss the things you have written in your diaries.”
“We will. I’m just dying to share my writings”, Kibum grinned, exposing a line of perfect teeth.
“Thought so”, Jinki laughed. “Anyway I’m really sorry for being a bad leader but I’ll see you guys on Thursday”.
Everybody said goodbye as Jinki left the room and as soon as the door shut close Kibum fixed his eyes on Taemin.
“Okay, spill it”, Kibum told him as he leaned forward in his seat.
“Don’t know what you’re talking about”, Taemin muttered even though he knew exactly what Kibum meant. Jonghyun and Minho stared intensely at him as well and Taemin shifted in his chair, looking everywhere but at his hyungs.
“Don’t play stupid, that suits Jong much better”, Kibum snorted and waved his hand to silent Jonghyun’s protests. “Jinki comes here all beaten up and just explains he was at your brother’s party to keep you company”.
“Yeah and you barely looked at him”, Minho added. “Plus he didn’t come to comfort you when you were crying even though it was clear he wanted to”.
Taemin blushed. He hadn’t realised it had been so obvious to everyone. Not that Taemin should be surprised at how observant the others could bee, especially Kibum. He supposed he couldn’t avoid telling the truth but he was going to take the most of it.
“Okay, I’ll tell you everything if Kibum agrees not to have sex for a month”, Taemin blurted. He grinned a bit at the scandalous look on Kibum’s face.
“That’s not fair!” Kibum exclaimed as Jonghyun burst out laughing.
“I know you want to know most badly. And if you do it you can prove us you don’t have any addiction”. Taemin explained. Minho seemed pleased with the idea as he kept nodding at everything Taemin said.
“I don’t have an addiction but I do have some needs!” Kibum said sullenly and glared at Taemin who hid himself behind Jonghyun’s back.
“I think it’s a good idea. I mean it’s only a month and then we will admit you were right”, Jonghyun was trying to sound neutral but the corner of his mouth was curving.
“Please, hyung. It would mean a lot to me”, Taemin pleaded, giving his best puppy look. Kibum’s grimace didn’t disappear but he was clearly thinking about the proposition.
“Fine then”, Kibum sighed and Taemin jumped up and ran to hug the older boy.
“Thank you, hyung!” Taemin told him and kept smiling even if Kibum didn’t make a move to hug him back.
“Time to keep your part of the promise then”, Kibum said dryly. “And you better not leave anything out!”
“I won’t”, Taemin promised. He sat next to Kibum and started the story from the beginning. He felt some of the frustration come back as he told them about how Jinki had rejected him earlier that day. When he finished it was quiet for a while. Everyone seemed to be lost in their thoughts. Jonghyun was, unsurprisingly, the first to break the silence.
“What you’re saying is that you were about to make out and then Jinki just pushed you away because of his stupid moral problems?” Jonghyun asked slowly. Taemin just nodded. He still felt a bit hurt at the rejection.
“That guy must have the best self control in the whole world”, Minho muttered, shaking his head.
“That guy must be the biggest idiot in the whole world”, Kibum snorted. Taemin giggled as Jonghyun rolled his eyes.
“No but honestly you guys are perfect for each other”, Jonghyun told Taemin.
“Yeah well there’s nothing I can do about it. If he wants to be friends I need to respect his decision”, Taemin let out a deep sigh.
“The fuck you do. I’m going to teach you how to use your looks to get what you want. Jinki will be a whimpering mess in no time”, Kibum told him and Taemin laughed as blush coloured his cheeks.
“I’m not sure it will work like that with him”, Jonghyun grinned. “If he could resist Taemin’s adorable face in the first place he really thinks it’d be all kind of wrongs to date him”.
“We will get you guys together, don’t worry about it”, Minho told Taemin as he ruffled his hair.
“Thanks, hyungs. It’s good to be able to talk about this”, Taemin smiled.
“Let’s go then. I’m driving you home”, Kibum motioned them to stand up. They followed him out of the room and towards the door. Taemin was nearly bouncing as he walked next to Minho. If anyone could fix the things between Jinki and him it was the three people he was with.
“Tonight we’re going clubbing”, Kibum told Taemin as they were walking across the parking lot. “We’re going to dance so much you won’t be able to move a finger tomorrow”.
“And you can make sure he goes home alone”, Minho added. Kibum nudged the taller boy with his elbow but his smile didn’t falter.
Taemin and Jonghyun shared a knowing grin before shouting “Shotgun!” simultaneously and running towards the car.
Chapter 1 I Chapter 2 I Chapter 3 1/2 I Chapter 3 2/2 I Chapter 4 1/2
A/N: FINALLY. It took ages to update, sorry about that! That Taemin pic so doesn't match with this story lol. I love all of you who have read this far and left comments. You're better than chicken and cheese combined <3
Author hangoverday
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Minkey, Ontae
Summary: Key, Minho, Jonghyun and Taemin all attend an AA group led by Jinki. They are all different but struggling with the same problems. The road to recovery is not easy but on the way they realise the importance of friendship, and love.
A/N: Don't own them, hoped that I didn't own the story either. Read and leave some love Y/Y. The offer for free chicken still stands.
Taemin woke up as someone gently shook him. He just wrapped the duvet more tightly around himself and refused to open his eyes. He felt exhausted and wanted nothing less than to leave the warmness and comfort of his bed.
“Five more minutes, Chansung”, Taemin mumbled and hoped the other would just leave him. He was surprised when he heard a laughter that most definitely didn’t belong to his brother.
“We’re both going to be late if you don’t get up now”, Jinki said amused and pulled the blanket away from Taemin. The cold air that suddenly surrounded him made Taemin open his eyes and squint at Jinki. All the memories from the previous night flooded to his head as he saw Jinki’s bruised and swollen face.
“Oh gosh, Jinki you look like shit!” Taemin cried out before he could think twice.
“That’s nice to hear, first thing in the morning”, Jinki pulled a face.
“How are you feeling?” Taemin asked worried. Jinki’s beautiful face was a complete mess as Taemin had predicted. Taemin didn’t even want to think about how bruised his body must’ve been.
“I feel as good as I look”, Jinki grimaced. “But don’t worry about it, I’ll live. Now change your clothes and come eat some breakfast”.
Jinki walked into the kitchen and Taemin quickly put on his school uniform. He washed his face with cold water to wake up properly before making his way to the kitchen and sitting down. Jinki gave him a platter filled with boiled eggs, bread and fresh vegetables. Taemin hadn’t even realised how hungry he was until now and he finished his food in no time. When he was ready he glanced at Jinki who was sitting across the table, reading the paper with a cup of coffee in his hand.
It had only been a few hours ago when Taemin had sat there on his lap, holding the other in his arms. Taemin sighed as he tried to shake off the memories. Jinki had said he only wanted to be friends and there was nothing he could do about it. It still managed to ruin his mood even further. As if sensing he was being stared at Jinki lifted his eyes to meet Taemin’s gaze.
“Everything okay?” Jinki asked him, a small smile on his face. Taemin wanted to throw something at Jinki. It was so unfair how the other could make Taemin fall for him and then just force him to act as if nothing had happened. Taemin just nodded and went to get his belongings. When he was ready Jinki was in the hallway putting on his jacket. The journey to Taemin’s school was quiet. Jinki kept glancing at him but Taemin just looked out of the window defiantly.
“See you at six then”, Jinki said hesitantly as Taemin was getting off of the car. He looked like he wanted to say something more but Taemin didn’t give him the opportunity. He plastered one of his fake smiles on and waved goodbye before nearly running away. He wasn’t going to show the other how much it pained him to act like this.
The school day seemed to last forever. Taemin kept dozing off during the lessons as he hadn’t got enough sleep at the night. He talked about the upcoming exams during the lunch break and managed to avoid giving a speech by lying that his throat hurt so he didn’t want to stress it. It was like most days in his life, uneventful. It was Taemin’s last class for that day and he was sitting in his usual spot near the window. Not in the front but also not quite in the back row, sitting in the middle was the best option if you wanted to avoid drawing attention to yourself.
“Who is Lee Jinki?” a girl’s voice asked behind Taemin. Taemin’s eyes widened as he realised he’d been scribbling Jinki’s name all over his notebook. Taemin blushed and quickly closed the book, cursing himself for being so careless. He turned to face the girl and tried to come up with some normal explanation for it.
“I’m thinking about changing my name to Jinki. I’m trying to get used to the name”, Taemin told the girl and wanted to smother himself as soon as the words left his mouth.
“Oh, okay”, the girl quirked her eyebrows as he gave Taemin a calculating look. Taemin hoped he would faint or something just to get out of the situation. People rarely talked to him and if they did he usually managed to make an idiot out if himself.
“Well it’s a nice name”, the girl said finally before leaning back on her seat. Taemin gave her a small smile before turning around. He wanted to hit his head against the wall but settled for slamming his forehead against the table. If Taemin had felt frustrated in the morning it had been nothing compared to this. When the bell rang Taemin nearly run out of the room and to his locker.
“Way to go, Taemin. Go on and tell everyone your changing your name to Jinki because surely they don’t think you’re weird enough beforehand”, Taemin muttered under his breath as he walked towards the gates. It started raining and in no time Taemin was soaking wet. He had always liked the rain and it actually made him feel a bit better as he watched some girls run past him complaining in high pitched voices, holding their hands over their heads like it would help. Taemin thought everything looked better trough a thick wall of rain. He started humming quietly as he walked back to home, feeling a bit more at ease.
“I’m home!” Taemin announced as he walked into the hallway and kicked off his shoes. He could hear his brother answer something from the kitchen and Taemin followed the voice to see Chansung prepare what Taemin assumed was chicken. It was burnt so badly it probably should’ve been thrown at the bin.
“You truly are the best cook”, Taemin chuckled as he poured some milk for himself. His brother just sighed and looked defeated.
“This is the reason I’m still living home”, Chansung muttered as he started eating the burnt food with a disgusted look on his face.
“You just need to find a girl who can cook well”, Taemin laughed. “Is Saga noona any good at making food?”
“I truly hope so. I have the worst hangover ever and this is totally not helping”, Chansung complained and took a sip from Taemin’s glass, making the younger boy to stick out his tongue.
“Real mature Taemin. Anyway Saga told me she got a job in this one dance studio and mentioned they have a few openings in some groups and she might be able to get you a place there”, Chansung told him while poking his food with his chopsticks.
“You know mom and dad will not pay for anything like that”, Taemin sighed. He lowered his gaze and stared at the little yellow dots in the tablecloth. “They think I should be doing some real sports like you do. Soccer and running and such”.
“I could try to convince them. You’re like the best dancer ever”, Chansung insisted while pushing away his plate. Taemin smiled at his brother and gave him a quick hug. Chansung might not know Taemin that well but he truly had a good heart.
“It’s okay, really. But thanks”, Taemin told him before leaving the kitchen. He needed to take a nap before leaving to the meeting or he might just fall asleep in the middle of his speech. The rain and his brothers support had made him feel better and he decided that maybe he could settle for being just friends with Jinki. He most definitely wasn’t going destroy their friendship just because of his feelings. Yes, Taemin could be mature if he wanted to and he was going to show it tonight.
Taemin arrived to the meeting a bit late as he had just pressed the snooze button in his mobile for too many times. He was out of breath as he rushed into the long corridor and made his way to the room number 17. He came to a halt as he heard shouting inside the room.
“This is just unbelievable”, Kibum’s voice complained.
“Well think positive, at least Taemin didn’t drink”, Jonghyun cut in before Kibum could start one of his never ending rants.
“So it’s totally okay Jinki hyung looks like he’s been hit by a truck?” Kibum snapped but Taemin knew he was just worried. It was weird how quickly he had learned to read the older boy.
“I’m fine, Key. Rather me than Taemin”, Jinki spoke quietly and it was hard to make out the words.
Taemin felt the guilt return. It really wasn’t okay that the other had been beaten up instead of him. Taemin decided he didn’t want to take part in that conversation so he made his way towards the bathroom. Perhaps hiding there for a while wasn’t the most mature thing to do but Taemin didn’t trust himself to stay calm if he had to go there and face the others. When Taemin stepped into the bathroom he nearly tripped over Minho who was lying on the floor.
“Hyung! What are you doing?” Taemin asked surprised as he managed to step over Minho’s body and grip the sink to stop himself from falling over. Minho looked embarrassed as he hid his face behind his hands. Minho was lying on his back, his feet drawn close to his body so his knees where pointing towards the ceiling and it took a few seconds for Taemin to realise what he’d been doing.
“You were doing sit ups!” Taemin exclaimed as he dropped himself next to Minho.
“Maybe”, Minho said and his words were stifled by his palms. Taemin stared at the other in disbelief. He had thought that Minho was doing just fine with his addiction but clearly he’d been wrong. Sneaking into the bathroom to do sit ups wasn’t really any better from sneaking in there to take shots.
“Hyung, you need to stop this now”, Taemin tried to sound authoritative.
“It’s really okay Taemin, just a few more and I’m ready”, Minho told him, finally moving his hands away from his face. The pleading look on his face made Taemin feel uncomfortable. Minho wasn’t the type to beg. But Taemin wanted to help his hyung so he just drew in a breath before shaking his head.
“No, hyung. You’re coming to the meeting room with me.” Taemin took hold of Minho’s arms and tried to pull him up but the other just pushed him away.
“Taemin just let it be, okay”, Minho’s voice was getting colder. Taemin flinched a bit at the tone but he wasn’t going to let it be. If he couldn’t handle this how was he supposed to handle his own problems?
“It’s not cool, hyung. You shouldn’t be doing this. Just come with me and I’ll tell my story and it will distract you from this”, Taemin insisted. Minho shook his head and didn’t answer. Fine, if being sensible wasn’t working he needed to use more powerful weapons then. Taemin stood up and walked to the door.
“I just wanted to help you”, Taemin muttered and made sure his voice was shaky as he put his arms around his body. He nearly grinned as he heard Minho shift behind him.
“Taemin, are you okay?” Minho asked with uncertainty. Taemin turned to face the other, biting his lower lip and wiping his eyes that were now filled with fake tears.
“Don’t worry about me hyung. How stupid of me to think I could help you”, Taemin sobbed. Minho looked absolutely lost and Taemin felt like his plan might work out. His kicked puppy performance had worked on his brother for years before Chansung had realised he was just faking it.
“I stopped, just don’t cry”, Minho muttered and moved closer to rest his hand on Taemin’s shoulder.
“Can we go to the meeting room now?” Taemin asked with his best childlike tone.
Minho sighed but nodded and it was so hard for Taemin not to let the victorious smile spread over his face. Instead he took Minho’s hand and started pulling him towards the room 17 before he could change his mind. When they entered the room all eyes fixed on them and their laces fingers.
“Where the hell have you guys been?” Jonghyun asked as he moved his gaze from the two of them to Jinki and Kibum who were staring at them with matching unpleased expressions.
“Why are you all sweaty hyung? What were you doing?” Kibum demanded his hands on his hips. Sometimes Taemin though he’d make one great girl.
“Nothing”, Minho muttered, avoiding Kibum’s death glare. Taemin let go of Minho’s hand and mouthed “sit ups” to Kibum as he made his way to his usual spot.
“You were doing sit ups?!” Kibum’s voice was a mix of anger and relieve.
“Traitor”, Minho said darkly and Taemin just giggled as he sat next to Jonghyun who was clearly enjoying the show.
“What were you thinking?” Kkibum nagged at Minho who was starting to look seriously pissed off. “Oh, actually let me guess. Nothing”.
“Who’s talking? You still reek of sex, did you get bored on your way here?” Minho snapped back, making Kibum look offended.
“What happened in the bathroom?” Jonghyun leaned closer to whisper into Taemin’s ear, turning Taemin’s attention away from the fighting couple.
“I just found Minho hyung there doing sit ups and then made him come here with me”, Taemin answered. On the background Jinki was trying to stop Kibum from hitting Minho with his man purse.
“How’d you manage to do that?” Jonghyun asked surprised.
“Well I sort of pretended to be crying”, Taemin admitted a bit embarrassed but Jonghyun just grinned at him and held his hand up for a high five.
“I knew you were a great guy”, Jonghyun laughed and Taemin couldn’t help but crack a smile. Trust Jonghyun to be the immoral one. Taemin shifted his attention back from Jonghyun as he saw that everyone had sat down to their chairs, Kibum and Minho sulking and turned away from each other.
“Glad that you guys finally decided to act like adults”, Jinki sighed as he gave a warning look to the couple. “I suppose we really need to make you timetables on Thursday on how to get back to normal life without overdoing your addiction. You can’t really avoid having sex or doings sports for the rest of your lives but clearly you need to find the right balance”.
Both Kibum and Minho remained silent and just glared at Jinki. Taemin felt almost like laughing at the sight but managed to stop himself. He really didn’t want to face both angry Kibum and Minho at the same time. Jonghyun was smiling happily and seemed to find the situation as amusing as Taemin did.
“Taemin, it’s your turn to share your story with us”, Jinki then told Taemin, his face unreadable. Taemin felt his heart skip a beat as he locked eyes with Jinki for the first time since morning. He inhaled sharply and nodded. He could do this, it was only his hyung here and he knew they cared for him.
“Uhm, so where should I start”, Taemin started, pushing away the bangs that were falling over his face. “Well I drank alcohol for the first time when I was 14. My brother and his friend had stolen some beer from our parents and let me have a little. I thought it tasted awful but I managed to drink a few cans because I wanted the older boys to think I was cool”.
Taemin paused for a bit to collect himself. He looked at the lame motivational posters on the walls and hoped the uneasy feeling inside him would just go away. He just wanted to forget about his past and start a new life, where he would be a new, better Taemin. Improved version of his shy and useless self.
“That’s when I realised what you could achieve with the help of alcohol. It was easier to joke around and be confident when I’d down the beer. It took a year more for the problems to start properly though. I’ve been bullied like since I started going to school but it all got worst when I was 15. A few guys from my class found out I was gay and decided to make sure my life was living hell”, Taemin realised he was trembling a bit by now. “When my parents found out what was happening we moved here. They thought that starting in a new school would solve everything but of course it didn’t. I have always been shy but it only got worse. After less than two months it came to the point where I couldn’t go more than a few days without drinking.”
Taemin could feel the tears build up behind his closed eyes. He knew there was no reason to cry or be ashamed but old habits were kicking in. He wanted to shut up, he didn’t want people to look at him like that. Taemin tossed his head so that his fringe was covering most of his face again. He did it whenever he felt like hiding from people’s stares. He could hear Jinki’s soft voice urge him to go on.
“I don’t even like drinking. I don’t want to drink but I can’t face people if I’m sober. And I just can’t tell about it to my parents or my brother because I don’t want them to be more disappointed than they are already”, Taemin’s voice broke down in the end and the tears started falling down his cheeks. He wiped them away angrily. He needed to be strong now.
“Taeminnie, even if I hate to see you cry it’s okay”, Jonghyun told him as he gently placed his hand on Taemin’s knee, moving his fingers gently across his thigh. “Don’t keep it all inside you, kiddo”.
“I really don’t think your parents or brother are disappointed with you, Taemin, why would they be”, Jinki murmured and Taemin refused to look at his way. Seeing Jinki’s face would only make him cry harder.
“Of course they are and they have every reason to be”, Taemin sobbed. He couldn’t hold himself together any longer. “I’m not like my brother who’s good at everything. We had to move because I was bullied and I can’t even make friends because I’m so weird. The only thing I’m good at is dancing and I know they don’t think it’s important, otherwise they would pay for my dance lessons so I could go and study it. I have to lie to them about everything being okay because I don’t want them to know what a sad person I still am!”
Taemin was out of breath when he finished. His whole body was shaking and he was hugging himself tightly. He hadn’t planned to say all those things but he had and now it was too late to take them back. Everyone was staring at him wide eyed. Taemin felt exhausted. Maybe it would just be easier to go back to how everything used to be.
“Don’t think like that”, Kibum’s voice was just a whisper as he walked in front of Taemin and kneeled down, taking Taemin’s head between his hands and forcing him to look at the older boy.
“You are one amazing person, Taemin. You’re talented and just because your parents don’t think much of dancing doesn’t mean you should think you’re worth nothing”, Kibum told him strictly but the expression on his face was soft.
“I just want them to be proud of me”, Taemin sobbed and gripped Kibum’s wrist, bringing them around himself. Kibum stood up so he could hug Taemin properly. He smelled like some exotic flowers and spices and for some reason it made Taemin feel secure.
“I’m sure they are proud of you. You just can’t seem to understand your own value and keep bringing yourself down”, Minho was suddenly standing next to them as well.
“Just because some idiots have been telling you all that shit doesn’t mean it’s true. You’re so much better than they will ever be. You should believe us instead of them”, Jonghyun added and Taemin could feel his hand sneak its way next to Kibum’s arms. Taemin smiled against Kibum’s sweater. He should’ve known his hyungs wouldn’t think he was stupid or childish. Taemin felt like some knot he hadn’t even been aware of ease in his stomach.
“I was supposed to tell you guys about my addiction, not about my family problems”, Taemin laughed quietly. “And yeah Jinki hyung I know they are related”, he added as he heard Jinki clear his throat to say something. Jonghyun chuckled and Taemin could hear Minho tease Jinki about how the maknae was going to take his place soon. Kibum pulled back and gave Taemin one those smiles that made his cheekbones stand out even more. Taemin smiled back and wiped the rest of wetness to his sleeve.
“I think I can hold it together now, thanks hyungs”, Taemin was grinning and he didn’t even know it was possible to slip from one emotion to another so quickly. But he felt happy knowing there were people who were ready to stand up for him. He’d never felt so at ease with people before.
“Thank you for telling your story, Taemin”, Jinki said smiling and this time Taemin was able to return the smile.
“I’m really sorry but I need to leave now. I have a doctor’s appointment soon because they told me not to come to work looking like this but I still need a medical certificate”, Jinki told them as he started to pack up his belongings.
“Uh, sorry about that again huyng”, Taemin muttered.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m just happy to have a day off”, Jinki reassured him. “If you guys want to you can stay here and discuss the things you have written in your diaries.”
“We will. I’m just dying to share my writings”, Kibum grinned, exposing a line of perfect teeth.
“Thought so”, Jinki laughed. “Anyway I’m really sorry for being a bad leader but I’ll see you guys on Thursday”.
Everybody said goodbye as Jinki left the room and as soon as the door shut close Kibum fixed his eyes on Taemin.
“Okay, spill it”, Kibum told him as he leaned forward in his seat.
“Don’t know what you’re talking about”, Taemin muttered even though he knew exactly what Kibum meant. Jonghyun and Minho stared intensely at him as well and Taemin shifted in his chair, looking everywhere but at his hyungs.
“Don’t play stupid, that suits Jong much better”, Kibum snorted and waved his hand to silent Jonghyun’s protests. “Jinki comes here all beaten up and just explains he was at your brother’s party to keep you company”.
“Yeah and you barely looked at him”, Minho added. “Plus he didn’t come to comfort you when you were crying even though it was clear he wanted to”.
Taemin blushed. He hadn’t realised it had been so obvious to everyone. Not that Taemin should be surprised at how observant the others could bee, especially Kibum. He supposed he couldn’t avoid telling the truth but he was going to take the most of it.
“Okay, I’ll tell you everything if Kibum agrees not to have sex for a month”, Taemin blurted. He grinned a bit at the scandalous look on Kibum’s face.
“That’s not fair!” Kibum exclaimed as Jonghyun burst out laughing.
“I know you want to know most badly. And if you do it you can prove us you don’t have any addiction”. Taemin explained. Minho seemed pleased with the idea as he kept nodding at everything Taemin said.
“I don’t have an addiction but I do have some needs!” Kibum said sullenly and glared at Taemin who hid himself behind Jonghyun’s back.
“I think it’s a good idea. I mean it’s only a month and then we will admit you were right”, Jonghyun was trying to sound neutral but the corner of his mouth was curving.
“Please, hyung. It would mean a lot to me”, Taemin pleaded, giving his best puppy look. Kibum’s grimace didn’t disappear but he was clearly thinking about the proposition.
“Fine then”, Kibum sighed and Taemin jumped up and ran to hug the older boy.
“Thank you, hyung!” Taemin told him and kept smiling even if Kibum didn’t make a move to hug him back.
“Time to keep your part of the promise then”, Kibum said dryly. “And you better not leave anything out!”
“I won’t”, Taemin promised. He sat next to Kibum and started the story from the beginning. He felt some of the frustration come back as he told them about how Jinki had rejected him earlier that day. When he finished it was quiet for a while. Everyone seemed to be lost in their thoughts. Jonghyun was, unsurprisingly, the first to break the silence.
“What you’re saying is that you were about to make out and then Jinki just pushed you away because of his stupid moral problems?” Jonghyun asked slowly. Taemin just nodded. He still felt a bit hurt at the rejection.
“That guy must have the best self control in the whole world”, Minho muttered, shaking his head.
“That guy must be the biggest idiot in the whole world”, Kibum snorted. Taemin giggled as Jonghyun rolled his eyes.
“No but honestly you guys are perfect for each other”, Jonghyun told Taemin.
“Yeah well there’s nothing I can do about it. If he wants to be friends I need to respect his decision”, Taemin let out a deep sigh.
“The fuck you do. I’m going to teach you how to use your looks to get what you want. Jinki will be a whimpering mess in no time”, Kibum told him and Taemin laughed as blush coloured his cheeks.
“I’m not sure it will work like that with him”, Jonghyun grinned. “If he could resist Taemin’s adorable face in the first place he really thinks it’d be all kind of wrongs to date him”.
“We will get you guys together, don’t worry about it”, Minho told Taemin as he ruffled his hair.
“Thanks, hyungs. It’s good to be able to talk about this”, Taemin smiled.
“Let’s go then. I’m driving you home”, Kibum motioned them to stand up. They followed him out of the room and towards the door. Taemin was nearly bouncing as he walked next to Minho. If anyone could fix the things between Jinki and him it was the three people he was with.
“Tonight we’re going clubbing”, Kibum told Taemin as they were walking across the parking lot. “We’re going to dance so much you won’t be able to move a finger tomorrow”.
“And you can make sure he goes home alone”, Minho added. Kibum nudged the taller boy with his elbow but his smile didn’t falter.
Taemin and Jonghyun shared a knowing grin before shouting “Shotgun!” simultaneously and running towards the car.
Chapter 1 I Chapter 2 I Chapter 3 1/2 I Chapter 3 2/2 I Chapter 4 1/2
A/N: FINALLY. It took ages to update, sorry about that! That Taemin pic so doesn't match with this story lol. I love all of you who have read this far and left comments. You're better than chicken and cheese combined <3