KIBUM (KEY) Unit
Title:KIBUM (KEY) Unit
Author: shinee_xoxo
Member: Key, Jongkey (slight)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Crack
Summary:Congrats!
CONGRATS!!
You are now the proud and lucky owner of a KIBUM (KEY) unit! With the proper care and maintenance, your KIBUM (KEY) unit can give you up to 2 years of quality service!
We are not responsible for anything that happens after the first two years, your KIBUM (KEY) unit may decide to deem you unworthy.
Warning
Before you continue in your squealing and other fangirling activities, please read and understand the functions, proper caretaking, and plausible problems listed in your KIBUM (KEY) unit’s manual.
(Because we know you are or are not Asian and but do not, therefore cannot read Korean, we have provided instructions within this manual translated into English, Russian, Textspeak, Spanish, and Canadian.
Please continue to your native language.
We are not responsible for any injuries caused by your misinterpretation and/or attempt to copy and paste other languages into online translators and read them. (You cannot read Korean, get over it.)
Korean- pg. 3-6
English-pg. 7-8
Russian-pg.9-11
Txtspk-pg.12
Spanish-pg.13-15
Canadian-pg.16-22
Fast forwaded to English for your convienence.
Assembly
Your KIBUM (KEY) unit should come fully assembled, complete with a foil microphone, an assortment of colored skinny jeans, and hair dye.
Important: If any of these items are missing, DO NOT activate your unit. Doing so will result in your KIBUM (KEY) unit throwing a hissy fit and threatening to unleash his ALMIGHTINESS on you.
(If this happens, provide your KIBUM (KEY) unit with a mirror and a camera. Leave him alone for a while.)
Activating Your KIBUM (KEY) UNIT
Simply play any Korean (or if buying the 2.0 version, Japanese) girl dance song and your KIBUM (KEY) unit will jump to life.
(After activation, be prepared for unstoppable girl dancing to continue through the entire song. Feel free to clap, cheer, and or drool; he likes it.)
Modes
Your KIBUM (KEY) unit is not merely for viewing purposes, he comes with a variety of functions for your pleasure and convenience!
(To activate these modes, please state all commands in snide English or overly cute Korean, please stick to English if not fluent in adorable Korean, a mis-ordered KIBUM (KEY) unit is not a happy one. Please note that some of these modes unlike in the other SHINee © units CANNOT be turned off.)
Domestic Duties: The KIBUM (KEY) comes completely equipped with the CCCN (CLEANING-COOKING-CARETAKING-NAGGING) function. (Important: Do NOT mistake his caring nature to mean that he is flirting with everyone, your KIBUM (KEY) unit simply likes to hit things)
Diva-ing: Your unit possesses the ability to be an attention seeker and will be obnoxiously self centered. He can be drama queen-esque, and may or may not stop talking and showing off in the presence of other K-POP © units and in general. He also has had much practice with selca-ing and is something of a master in the area. (A nearby JONGHYUN unit will be happy to partake in the fun at times.)
Playing Games: Although the KIBUM (KEY) unit detests doing anything physical besides partaking in nocturnal activities and dancing, he is completely open to playing board and mind games (he will not hesitate to cheat). Ignore if your MINHO unit protests indignantly and unnecessarily or if your ONEW unit flails at his intelligence.
Role-Play: Your KIBUM (KEY) unit is very fond of role-play! Do not be afraid to play house and or put on random theatrical performances with your newly purchased SHINee © action figure!
**(2.0 Version) BAMF: YES, it’s finally here, the brand new expansion pack for your KIBUM (KEY) unit that has only been available for the MINHO unit thus far!
Controlling: The KIBUM (KEY) unit likes to be in charge of things, this function will be automatically activated within a 5 foot radius of your other SHINee © units. (This mode also includes a nagging function albeit much different than the one in domestic duties.)
Compatibility with other UNITS
The KIBUM (KEY) unit is compatible with all K-POP © units and will not hesitate to make friends and or touch everyone. This may result in a nearby JONGHYUN unit to act jealous and surly for days. (If this happens, give him a lollipop) and consult the TAEMIN unit manual on how to tame small children. (Both units sold separately)
KIBUM (KEY) has three modes of interaction:
(a) Variety
(b) Roommate
(c) BMFF (Best male friend for life)
(d) Nocturnal Activity
Your unit will choose which to activate at most times, however if you are having difficulty in making your unit respond, flip his switches.
Recharging
Your KIBUM (KEY) unit must be recharged with sleep and shopping EVERYDAY. Although he will not sleep as much as the MINHO unit, this is vital to his Health and Beauty asset. If not recharged with sleep every day, your KIBUM (KEY) unit will throw weak and tired fits which are worse than the ones that he will normally throw.
Warning: The KIBUM (KEY) unit WILL max out credit cards; we are not responsible for the tantrums that your unit will throw if not taken shopping regularly.
KIBUM (KEY) does not need to be fed as much as the ONEW unit, but he must be fed two to three times a day. He WILL complain and pretend to be on several unheard of diets, but give him food anyway and bribe him with your credit card or your teddy bear. (Water will be drunk on KIBUM (KEY)’s own accord; do not try to force water upon him as many unpleasant things may ensue if the water is accidentally spilled.)
FAQs
User: I have not bought any extension packs for my KIBUM (KEY) unit and have turned on his nocturnal activities switch, but it’s not working.
Answer: Are you a boy or a girl?
User: My KIBUM (KEY) unit keeps having eye-sex with my JONGHYUN unit.
Answer: That is normal, unless you have bought the JONGKEY expansion pack, if you did, demand a refund, for your KIBUM (KEY) unit should be screaming “Let’s have kinky sex” as well.
User: I have not eaten what I’ve wanted to since I bought the KIBUM (KEY) unit
Answer: You never will again
User: My KIBUM (KEY) unit won’t put my YOOGEUN unit down
Answer: Consult a nearby MINHO unit immediately. If one isn’t available, distract your KIBUM (KEY) unit with a brand new foil mic. (Must be handmade by a TAEMIN unit.)
Caution:
If you come home to your nail polish missing, all your headphones rolled up, and your underwear color-coded we will not be held responsible. By purchasing this KIBUM (KEY) unit you are assuming full responsibility for anything that he impulsively decides to do.
For any further questions, contact 1-800-SMENT
You may also email sment@omfgprettyguysandgirls.com
a/n: cuz its the 2nd SHINee-versary<3