SBB 2016 ENTRY #20: Clueless (2/2)
Title: Clueless (2/2)
Pairings: Jonghyun/Taemin, Minho/Key, Jonghyun/Key, Jonghyun/Eunhyuk
Rating: PG
Notes: Humour fic; mild cursing, references to sexual situations
Final Word Count: 12,611
Friday
The next day was a complete blur. I have no idea how I got through my classes, and I don’t remember the lessons at all. Even things as easy as socializing with friends were done on auto-pilot. My entire focus was occupied with thoughts of that night. Every now and then I’d get so wrapped up in the logistics of the party arrangements that I’d even forget why I had cooked up the plan in the first place.
By 7:00 that night, Taemin had been at my house for an hour already, helping me get the place tidied up and putting away anything that might get broken. Word of my party was getting around pretty quickly at school, and I wasn’t entirely sure who was coming, so I figured it would be best to be cautious.
“I don’t know why you’re so concerned,” complained Taemin. “You’re going to be right here to keep an eye on things.”
“Well...yeah...but I can’t be everywhere at once, can I?”
Taemin shrugged and picked up a vase and one of mom’s china figurines. “I guess. But why’d you invite so many people then?”
So it wouldn’t seem weird to invite Eunhyuk. “Taemin, we’re almost seventeen. Throwing big parties is normal,” I said, putting some bags of chips on the end tables.
Taemin shook his head. “You’re way too concerned with what’s ‘normal,’ Jonghyun. Where are we putting these?”
“Stick them in the laundry room. They should be safe there.”
As Taemin headed out of the room, the doorbell rang. It was Minho and Key. Minho was carrying several bags, and Key had a casserole dish.
“Wow, you cooked?” I asked, holding the door open for them.
“Of course!” answered Key. “Where are we setting up?”
“Uh, I just put some chips around...” I said, gesturing to the living room.
“Are we animals?” Key rebuked me. Then to Minho, “I told you.” Key breezed into the dining room. “Bring the stuff in here,” he called out. I took a couple of bags from Minho, and we followed Key. “You too,” he said to me, “go round up those bags,” he instructed, waving an arm toward the living room.
When I returned, Key had spread a tablecloth out and was busy arranging plastic plates, cups, napkins, and serving bowls. “Chips in the bowls,” he dictated. Minho and I did as we were told.
By the time people started arriving, Key had us all organized and the place looked pretty great. Taemin put some music on and people began milling about, eating and chatting. This was definitely going to earn me some points with the school crowd.
I wandered over to the hall mirror to check my hair. I had put some gel in it and swept it up today. I thought it made me look older. But now that the house was getting kind of warm, my bangs were starting to droop. I was busy fussing with it when Taemin called out-“Your hair looks great! Just leave it!”-a little louder than I would have liked, but no one seemed to notice. I nodded a thank you to him and abandoned the mirror.
When Eunhyuk turned up, I tried to play it cool. I waited a full minute for Key to show him where to put his jacket and snacks before I made a beeline for him. He was wearing a white t-shirt and skinny jeans, and, god, he looked so good I wasn’t sure how I’d manage to talk to him. But Eunhyuk was so relaxed and personable, it wasn’t long before we’d spent a good half-hour chatting, mostly about music. Periodically, I’d forget my plan and just lose myself in conversation. Then I’d remember what I was up to and my insides would quiver like jelly and my tongue would turn to sandpaper.
My big problem was how to get him upstairs. I mean, how do you segue from talking about music to, “Hey, wanna go to my room and deflower me”? Internally I was scrambling for excuses, but all of them were stupid.
Then an opportunity presented itself.
“Oh, you collect Pokémon cards,” Eunhyuk observed, spotting my card album on an end table. Mom had told me to put it away, and I was wishing I had remembered. Way to remind him you’re only a teenager, dumbass.
“I used to collect them,” he continued.
“Yeah, me too. I mean...I used to...also.” Smooth. Then, wishing I would stop talking about it but continuing nonetheless, “I have some that are pretty rare.”
“Oh yeah? Which ones?”
OK, he was actually interested. That was unexpected. “I have most of a set of Gold Star cards. And I even have a Charizard First Edition,” I stated proudly, getting a little carried away.
“Cool. Where are they?” he asked, flipping through the pages of the album.
“Oh, not in there. They’re up-” I halted, suddenly realizing that Opportunity was knocking loudly. I cleared my throat. “Upstairs. In my...room.” At this point, I could hardly talk. My throat was scratchy, and I felt like I was blinking too much. “Would you like to see them?”
Oh, god, am I really doing this? I wiped my palms against my hips, so distracted that I didn’t notice that Eunhyuk wasn’t the only one listening. Apparently, we had drawn the attention of Taemin and several others once we started talking about Pokémon.
“Sure,” he answered, waiting for me to lead the way.
“Uh...give me, like, ten minutes.”
“Um, sure?” He raised an eyebrow.
“My...uh...room’s a mess,” I stammered.
How I walked across the room to disappear into the stairwell, I still don’t know. Every move felt unnatural, like I’d never done it before.
Once I was out of view, I sprinted into my room and shut the door. Earlier, I had strategically placed some candles around the room, and I struggled now to light a match to get them started. All I accomplished were inept wisps of smoke.
The candles abandoned, I checked the time. I’d been up here four minutes already! He’d be here soon!
I undid my pants and worked on pulling them down with one foot as I yanked my top off over my head. Fairly shameless, I know. But I was worried that if I wasn’t completely forward, we’d actually end up looking at Pokémon cards. Not what I intended.
Clothes balled up and thrown in a corner, I began applying some body oil. Not so much that I’d end up feeling greasy; just enough to make my muscles stand out. Unfortunately, my hands were shaking so badly, I dropped the bottle, which proceeded to spill oil all over my floor. I righted the bottle and frantically began “scooping” up the oil and rubbing it on my arms and chest. This idea was going from bad to worse, and I eventually grabbed a towel out of my hamper, wiped off my hands, and threw it over the stain on my floor.
Next, I grabbed the K-Y out of my dresser drawer and sat it by my bed. (Yes, I’ve moved on from margarine.) I don’t want him thinking I’m inexperienced. I mean, I am, but I don’t want him thinking that.
Rapidly running out of time, I checked myself in the mirror. My hair looked OK. I’m not sure that I quite accomplished the body builder look with the oil, but my arms and abs looked alright, I guess. The image from the hips down was less astounding.
I gave myself a couple of quick jerks. Nothing. Come on, come on, I willed myself. You can hardly impress him with Flaccid Fred, here, can you? Geez, I was way too nervous. OK, stop thinking about yourself. Think about him. Undressing. Sliding that shirt off his shoulders. Unbuttoning those jeans. That did it.
There was a knock at the door. “Hey, Jonghyun? You in there?”
I scrambled for a cool pose to strike. Lounging on the bed? Nah, too presumptuous. Bent over the bed? Geez, Jonghyun, that’s even worse. I caught a glimpse of my awkward reflection in the mirror, just as I heard the door opening. With no time left, I raised an arm to lean casually on the wall. And as the door opened fully, I made the erroneous decision to also grab my dick.
“Oh.”
Oh indeed. Eunhyuk’s mouth dropped open and his eyebrows shot up as he took in the scene displayed before him. Then his lips curled at the sides and I heard, albeit quiet, a breathy laugh emit from him.
The sound was quickly absorbed by the tramping of footsteps, and suddenly Eunhyuk was joined in the doorway by Taemin and five or six other party-goers trailing close behind him.
So, it turns out I do not have grace under pressure. In my mortification, I neither came up with a good excuse for the tableau that appeared before them, nor remedied it somewhat by grabbing a sheet to cover my shame and save a shred or two of dignity.
Eunhyuk spoke first. “Jonghyun, I’m...uh...sorry, we must have misunderstood each...” He looked apologetic. “I came...to see your...uh...”
“Pokémon cards,” finished Taemin. I expected him to burst out laughing, but actually he looked more astonished than anything. His mouth hung open, and he just stood there.
Eunhyuk chuckled. “I’ll...uh...catch you later, Jonghyun,” he said, turning and disappearing from the doorway, regrettably leaving more room for the people behind him to get a better view.
At first there were giggles of surprise. That was followed people shoving each other out of the way, a few rhetorical questions, and finally raucous laughter. Backs were slapped, fingers were pointed, “clever” jokes were made.
I could feel the blood rushing to my face-well, why not? Certainly my dick didn’t need it anymore. So I continued to stand there, my cheeks glowing like beacons while my manhood deflated and endeavoured to crawl inside me.
Although two spectators were curled up, laughing so hard they couldn’t breathe, the others had the brilliant idea to run downstairs to spread the word about the hilarity ensuing in my bedroom. It was the realization that I was just moments away from having even more witnesses that finally snapped me out of it. I strode forward and hurriedly closed and bolted the door, leaving Taemin and our moron schoolmates on the other side.
Later That Night, Still Hiding Out in the Hall of Shame
So, there it is. My attempt at avoiding an awkward first ended up as yet another mortifying experience in the Life of Kim Jonghyun.
And as much as I really don’t feel like facing anyone right now, I heard the last of the party-goers leave some time ago, and I really should check on Taemin. I haul myself out of bed and throw on some jeans and a t-shirt. As expected, Taemin’s still in the hall. He isn’t asleep, though; he’s just sitting on the hallway floor, his back against the wall.
He looks up as I open the door.
“Hey.” He gets to his feet. “You OK?”
I sigh. “I will be.”
“I’m really sorry, Jonghyun.” Taemin chews on his lip.
“Sorry? For what?”
“For bringing all those people with me. I really thought you were getting out your Pokémon cards.”
I shake my head. “There’s nothing to apologize for, Taemin. The whole dumb idea is totally on me.”
He looks unconvinced, and I consider giving him a hug, but something stops me. Taemin looks down and begins worrying a piece of carpet fuzz with his foot.
“Come on, Tae. I’ll walk you home.”
We go downstairs and don our coats and shoes and head out into the chilly night air. The two-block walk is pretty quiet and feels much longer than it actually is, despite the fact that we’re walking hurriedly. Neither of us really has much to say, and the only other noise comes from the occasional car passing by.
“You want to play GTA later?” Taemin asks, as we arrive at his door.
“Yeah, sure,” I reply, watching him head inside. He turns and gives me a little wave before closing the door.
Monday Morning
It’s almost 8:00, and I’m lounging on my bed. While I am ready for school, I’m trying to think of a good excuse not to go. Maybe I can pretend I’m sick-I really don’t want to face the music.
However, until I started getting dressed today, I had almost forgotten about the whole horrifying incident because the rest of my weekend turned out to be pretty great. Amazing even, I remember with a smile.
As arranged, Taemin came over to play GTA on Saturday. We headed upstairs and took up our usual positions on my bedroom floor. From the day we met, I don’t think we had ever had trouble making conversation. Quite the opposite-we never shut up. But as we put the disk in and waited for the game to load, my best friend and I struggled to make small talk. Eventually the game was running and we gratefully selected a street race.
As we waited at the start line watching the numbers count down, Taemin spoke up. “So, are you in love with my neighbour all of a sudden?” At that moment, “go!” flashed on the screen, and the cars took off.
“Wha-?” Already in dead last, I hit the gas. “In love! Taemin, no. Nothing like that.” Chevrons appeared on the screen, and I swung my car round the corner.
“Well then, what were you doing?” Taemin passed a white car in front of him.
“I don’t know. I just...I figured he’s probably a playboy,” I explained. “With those looks, and he’s so smooth.”
“Jonghyun, Eunhyuk has been dating Donghae since high school. How could you not know that? Everyone knows.”
I spun my car into a streetlight. “Everyone does not know, Taemin,” I retorted, reversing and getting back on the road. “Those who live next door to him know. I just met him this week!”
“Oh...right.” Taemin’s car appeared behind mine.
“Why didn’t you stop me?”
“I thought...I just thought we were ogling him together. I had no idea you were planning on doing anything about it. And besides...” Taemin leaned left as he drove his car past mine and over the bridge.
“Besides what?” I asked, catching up and trying to pass him.
“It’s dumb,” he replied, blocking my attempt. “It’s just…”
“Well…just what?” We came to a bend in the road, and I drove left into the grass to cut the corner and come out ahead of him.
“I just thought that you and I were…something...” Taemin pulled up behind me and tapped my left bumper, spinning me off the road.
“Something what?” I asked, desperately trying to salvage my run.
“Not ‘something what.’ Just something.”
“What?”
Taemin crossed the finish line, with my car still spinning in the dirt one turn back. “Taemin, you’ve completely lost me.”
“That you and I were a thing, OK?” He laughed again and waved his arm in the air as though the notion was a pesky bug that needed a swat. “Just forget it,” he said smiling. “I told you it was dumb. You know how I am-I always misread things. It’s fine.”
But there was something about him, the slight slouch of his shoulders and the lack of humour behind his smile, that said otherwise.
Suddenly, I felt sick. That feeling when you realize you’ve carelessly hurt someone you care about and you can’t undo your stupidity. Like I’d been punched in the gut. Like I’d do anything for the chance to go back and change that whole night, but this time not for my sake.
“Taemin…I don’t know what to say.” My car slowed to a halt.
“Nah, just forget it. Hey, let’s play something else.” He began rifling through my stack of games.
“No, Taemin, I don’t want to forget it. You know I’d never hurt you on purpose, right?” I put a hand on his shoulder and turned him to face me.
“Yeah, stop it,” he said, pushing my hand away. “You’re being weird.”
“I’m not being weird. I’m trying to apologize. I just didn’t realize you felt that way.” I waited for him to look at me. He didn’t.
“Well, duh.”
“What do you mean, ‘duh’?”
Taemin stopped rifling through my games and finally looked up at me. “We hang out all the time.”
“Yeah, we do,” I nodded.
“Well, boyfriends do that.”
“OK, but friends do that too,” I said in my defence.
“And you’re always playing with my hair or touching my ass.” He raised a thumb and finger to emphasize these two points in his favour.
He had me there. I do do that. “OK,” I conceded.
“And I sleep over a lot,” he said shyly, adding another finger.
I tilted my head and looked at him, trying to absorb the idea, to see how it felt to think of him like that.
“Boyfriends do that, you know.”
“Yeah, I guess they do.”
“And I cook for you. And you clearly think I’m cute.” Taemin was on a roll now, his whole hand extended in the air. “And we’d be good together.”
Taemin gave up the idea of a different game and sat back on his ass and selected another race instead.
I leaned back against the foot of my bed and watched him while he waited for it to load. Maybe he was right. Not so much about the cooking thing, but I do think he’s cute. He’s my favourite person in the world-I’d just never thought of us...in that way. And it never occurred to me that Taemin felt like that about me. I felt an odd mix of pride that he liked me and shame that I hadn’t noticed.
I picked up my controller and pulled my car beside his as the countdown began. Taemin glanced over and flashed me a smile. I felt a sense of relief that we were going to be OK, regardless of what came next. Plus, Taemin’s smile always makes me feel good.
When the game started, I took off and swung past the driver in front of me, as Taemin did the same on the other side. It wasn’t long before we were in second and third, bearing down on the leader. Things were going along like normal when, out of the blue, Taemin put his controller down and pivoted to fling his leg over mine and sit on my knees.
“Um...what’s up?”
“I’m going to kiss you,” Taemin stated outright. Then before I could come up with a response to that, he put his hands against the bed on either side of my head and leaned all the way forward until our faces were closer than they’ve ever been. I just sat there, stunned. A moment later, he pressed his lips against mine. Not tentatively either, for a full couple of seconds.
I had totally expected it to feel dumb, but actually something stirred in me. Not just in my pants-although that too because sex is all it ever thinks about-but somewhere in my soul I felt warm, moved. I found myself kissing him back, and when he sat up, I pulled him closer and kissed him some more.
Taemin grinned at me when we stopped. He hopped off my legs and picked up his controller. “See. I told you we’d be good,” he said.
“Yeah,” was all I could think to say as his car left mine in the dust.
It was at that moment I realized it: Taemin’s not the clueless loser. I am.
********
Taemin and I spent a lot of time talking, and kissing, over the weekend, and we decided we’re going to take things slowly. He’s threatened to distract me with his charms while we’re playing video games, so it looks like I’m going to lose a lot of races from now on.
I can’t say I mind.
So, I actually feel great...except for the fact that I shortly have to face an entire school body that has no doubt heard all about the incident Friday night.
“Hey dumbass!” a voice calls from outside, breaking me from my thoughts.
I pull the corner of my curtain aside just enough to see out. Down on the street in front of my house are Key, Minho, and Taemin. Great. Let the heckling begin.
I grab my phone and text Taemin.
Tell key to shut up. My mom’s still asleep.
I pull the curtain again to see Taemin reading his phone and then talking with Key. Then Taemin holds out his hand for Key’s phone and messes about with it before handing it back.
My phone buzzes. I swipe it and retrieve the message.
Hey dumbass!
Geez.
Lets go! Time for school.
Idk key. Im not feeling great.
Bullshit ur just scared.
Ok fine. I just dont think im ready to face everyone yet.
What happened to ‘as long as you have a good group of friends, youll survive’?
I sigh and look back out the window again. Key waves at me to come down. Seeing me hesitating still, he goes back to his phone.
If anyone dares to say anything, ill glare at them until they turn to stone ok? U know i can do it.
I laugh and signal that I’m coming. I let the curtain fall back in place, grab my knapsack, and head down the stairs, where I throw on my coat and sneakers.
On my way out the door, I realize that, yes, it will be a while before this dies down. But sooner or later, someone else will do something idiotic and I’ll become ancient history.
Until my next dumb scheme, that is.
Pairings: Jonghyun/Taemin, Minho/Key, Jonghyun/Key, Jonghyun/Eunhyuk
Rating: PG
Notes: Humour fic; mild cursing, references to sexual situations
Final Word Count: 12,611
Friday
The next day was a complete blur. I have no idea how I got through my classes, and I don’t remember the lessons at all. Even things as easy as socializing with friends were done on auto-pilot. My entire focus was occupied with thoughts of that night. Every now and then I’d get so wrapped up in the logistics of the party arrangements that I’d even forget why I had cooked up the plan in the first place.
By 7:00 that night, Taemin had been at my house for an hour already, helping me get the place tidied up and putting away anything that might get broken. Word of my party was getting around pretty quickly at school, and I wasn’t entirely sure who was coming, so I figured it would be best to be cautious.
“I don’t know why you’re so concerned,” complained Taemin. “You’re going to be right here to keep an eye on things.”
“Well...yeah...but I can’t be everywhere at once, can I?”
Taemin shrugged and picked up a vase and one of mom’s china figurines. “I guess. But why’d you invite so many people then?”
So it wouldn’t seem weird to invite Eunhyuk. “Taemin, we’re almost seventeen. Throwing big parties is normal,” I said, putting some bags of chips on the end tables.
Taemin shook his head. “You’re way too concerned with what’s ‘normal,’ Jonghyun. Where are we putting these?”
“Stick them in the laundry room. They should be safe there.”
As Taemin headed out of the room, the doorbell rang. It was Minho and Key. Minho was carrying several bags, and Key had a casserole dish.
“Wow, you cooked?” I asked, holding the door open for them.
“Of course!” answered Key. “Where are we setting up?”
“Uh, I just put some chips around...” I said, gesturing to the living room.
“Are we animals?” Key rebuked me. Then to Minho, “I told you.” Key breezed into the dining room. “Bring the stuff in here,” he called out. I took a couple of bags from Minho, and we followed Key. “You too,” he said to me, “go round up those bags,” he instructed, waving an arm toward the living room.
When I returned, Key had spread a tablecloth out and was busy arranging plastic plates, cups, napkins, and serving bowls. “Chips in the bowls,” he dictated. Minho and I did as we were told.
By the time people started arriving, Key had us all organized and the place looked pretty great. Taemin put some music on and people began milling about, eating and chatting. This was definitely going to earn me some points with the school crowd.
I wandered over to the hall mirror to check my hair. I had put some gel in it and swept it up today. I thought it made me look older. But now that the house was getting kind of warm, my bangs were starting to droop. I was busy fussing with it when Taemin called out-“Your hair looks great! Just leave it!”-a little louder than I would have liked, but no one seemed to notice. I nodded a thank you to him and abandoned the mirror.
When Eunhyuk turned up, I tried to play it cool. I waited a full minute for Key to show him where to put his jacket and snacks before I made a beeline for him. He was wearing a white t-shirt and skinny jeans, and, god, he looked so good I wasn’t sure how I’d manage to talk to him. But Eunhyuk was so relaxed and personable, it wasn’t long before we’d spent a good half-hour chatting, mostly about music. Periodically, I’d forget my plan and just lose myself in conversation. Then I’d remember what I was up to and my insides would quiver like jelly and my tongue would turn to sandpaper.
My big problem was how to get him upstairs. I mean, how do you segue from talking about music to, “Hey, wanna go to my room and deflower me”? Internally I was scrambling for excuses, but all of them were stupid.
Then an opportunity presented itself.
“Oh, you collect Pokémon cards,” Eunhyuk observed, spotting my card album on an end table. Mom had told me to put it away, and I was wishing I had remembered. Way to remind him you’re only a teenager, dumbass.
“I used to collect them,” he continued.
“Yeah, me too. I mean...I used to...also.” Smooth. Then, wishing I would stop talking about it but continuing nonetheless, “I have some that are pretty rare.”
“Oh yeah? Which ones?”
OK, he was actually interested. That was unexpected. “I have most of a set of Gold Star cards. And I even have a Charizard First Edition,” I stated proudly, getting a little carried away.
“Cool. Where are they?” he asked, flipping through the pages of the album.
“Oh, not in there. They’re up-” I halted, suddenly realizing that Opportunity was knocking loudly. I cleared my throat. “Upstairs. In my...room.” At this point, I could hardly talk. My throat was scratchy, and I felt like I was blinking too much. “Would you like to see them?”
Oh, god, am I really doing this? I wiped my palms against my hips, so distracted that I didn’t notice that Eunhyuk wasn’t the only one listening. Apparently, we had drawn the attention of Taemin and several others once we started talking about Pokémon.
“Sure,” he answered, waiting for me to lead the way.
“Uh...give me, like, ten minutes.”
“Um, sure?” He raised an eyebrow.
“My...uh...room’s a mess,” I stammered.
How I walked across the room to disappear into the stairwell, I still don’t know. Every move felt unnatural, like I’d never done it before.
Once I was out of view, I sprinted into my room and shut the door. Earlier, I had strategically placed some candles around the room, and I struggled now to light a match to get them started. All I accomplished were inept wisps of smoke.
The candles abandoned, I checked the time. I’d been up here four minutes already! He’d be here soon!
I undid my pants and worked on pulling them down with one foot as I yanked my top off over my head. Fairly shameless, I know. But I was worried that if I wasn’t completely forward, we’d actually end up looking at Pokémon cards. Not what I intended.
Clothes balled up and thrown in a corner, I began applying some body oil. Not so much that I’d end up feeling greasy; just enough to make my muscles stand out. Unfortunately, my hands were shaking so badly, I dropped the bottle, which proceeded to spill oil all over my floor. I righted the bottle and frantically began “scooping” up the oil and rubbing it on my arms and chest. This idea was going from bad to worse, and I eventually grabbed a towel out of my hamper, wiped off my hands, and threw it over the stain on my floor.
Next, I grabbed the K-Y out of my dresser drawer and sat it by my bed. (Yes, I’ve moved on from margarine.) I don’t want him thinking I’m inexperienced. I mean, I am, but I don’t want him thinking that.
Rapidly running out of time, I checked myself in the mirror. My hair looked OK. I’m not sure that I quite accomplished the body builder look with the oil, but my arms and abs looked alright, I guess. The image from the hips down was less astounding.
I gave myself a couple of quick jerks. Nothing. Come on, come on, I willed myself. You can hardly impress him with Flaccid Fred, here, can you? Geez, I was way too nervous. OK, stop thinking about yourself. Think about him. Undressing. Sliding that shirt off his shoulders. Unbuttoning those jeans. That did it.
There was a knock at the door. “Hey, Jonghyun? You in there?”
I scrambled for a cool pose to strike. Lounging on the bed? Nah, too presumptuous. Bent over the bed? Geez, Jonghyun, that’s even worse. I caught a glimpse of my awkward reflection in the mirror, just as I heard the door opening. With no time left, I raised an arm to lean casually on the wall. And as the door opened fully, I made the erroneous decision to also grab my dick.
“Oh.”
Oh indeed. Eunhyuk’s mouth dropped open and his eyebrows shot up as he took in the scene displayed before him. Then his lips curled at the sides and I heard, albeit quiet, a breathy laugh emit from him.
The sound was quickly absorbed by the tramping of footsteps, and suddenly Eunhyuk was joined in the doorway by Taemin and five or six other party-goers trailing close behind him.
So, it turns out I do not have grace under pressure. In my mortification, I neither came up with a good excuse for the tableau that appeared before them, nor remedied it somewhat by grabbing a sheet to cover my shame and save a shred or two of dignity.
Eunhyuk spoke first. “Jonghyun, I’m...uh...sorry, we must have misunderstood each...” He looked apologetic. “I came...to see your...uh...”
“Pokémon cards,” finished Taemin. I expected him to burst out laughing, but actually he looked more astonished than anything. His mouth hung open, and he just stood there.
Eunhyuk chuckled. “I’ll...uh...catch you later, Jonghyun,” he said, turning and disappearing from the doorway, regrettably leaving more room for the people behind him to get a better view.
At first there were giggles of surprise. That was followed people shoving each other out of the way, a few rhetorical questions, and finally raucous laughter. Backs were slapped, fingers were pointed, “clever” jokes were made.
I could feel the blood rushing to my face-well, why not? Certainly my dick didn’t need it anymore. So I continued to stand there, my cheeks glowing like beacons while my manhood deflated and endeavoured to crawl inside me.
Although two spectators were curled up, laughing so hard they couldn’t breathe, the others had the brilliant idea to run downstairs to spread the word about the hilarity ensuing in my bedroom. It was the realization that I was just moments away from having even more witnesses that finally snapped me out of it. I strode forward and hurriedly closed and bolted the door, leaving Taemin and our moron schoolmates on the other side.
Later That Night, Still Hiding Out in the Hall of Shame
So, there it is. My attempt at avoiding an awkward first ended up as yet another mortifying experience in the Life of Kim Jonghyun.
And as much as I really don’t feel like facing anyone right now, I heard the last of the party-goers leave some time ago, and I really should check on Taemin. I haul myself out of bed and throw on some jeans and a t-shirt. As expected, Taemin’s still in the hall. He isn’t asleep, though; he’s just sitting on the hallway floor, his back against the wall.
He looks up as I open the door.
“Hey.” He gets to his feet. “You OK?”
I sigh. “I will be.”
“I’m really sorry, Jonghyun.” Taemin chews on his lip.
“Sorry? For what?”
“For bringing all those people with me. I really thought you were getting out your Pokémon cards.”
I shake my head. “There’s nothing to apologize for, Taemin. The whole dumb idea is totally on me.”
He looks unconvinced, and I consider giving him a hug, but something stops me. Taemin looks down and begins worrying a piece of carpet fuzz with his foot.
“Come on, Tae. I’ll walk you home.”
We go downstairs and don our coats and shoes and head out into the chilly night air. The two-block walk is pretty quiet and feels much longer than it actually is, despite the fact that we’re walking hurriedly. Neither of us really has much to say, and the only other noise comes from the occasional car passing by.
“You want to play GTA later?” Taemin asks, as we arrive at his door.
“Yeah, sure,” I reply, watching him head inside. He turns and gives me a little wave before closing the door.
Monday Morning
It’s almost 8:00, and I’m lounging on my bed. While I am ready for school, I’m trying to think of a good excuse not to go. Maybe I can pretend I’m sick-I really don’t want to face the music.
However, until I started getting dressed today, I had almost forgotten about the whole horrifying incident because the rest of my weekend turned out to be pretty great. Amazing even, I remember with a smile.
As arranged, Taemin came over to play GTA on Saturday. We headed upstairs and took up our usual positions on my bedroom floor. From the day we met, I don’t think we had ever had trouble making conversation. Quite the opposite-we never shut up. But as we put the disk in and waited for the game to load, my best friend and I struggled to make small talk. Eventually the game was running and we gratefully selected a street race.
As we waited at the start line watching the numbers count down, Taemin spoke up. “So, are you in love with my neighbour all of a sudden?” At that moment, “go!” flashed on the screen, and the cars took off.
“Wha-?” Already in dead last, I hit the gas. “In love! Taemin, no. Nothing like that.” Chevrons appeared on the screen, and I swung my car round the corner.
“Well then, what were you doing?” Taemin passed a white car in front of him.
“I don’t know. I just...I figured he’s probably a playboy,” I explained. “With those looks, and he’s so smooth.”
“Jonghyun, Eunhyuk has been dating Donghae since high school. How could you not know that? Everyone knows.”
I spun my car into a streetlight. “Everyone does not know, Taemin,” I retorted, reversing and getting back on the road. “Those who live next door to him know. I just met him this week!”
“Oh...right.” Taemin’s car appeared behind mine.
“Why didn’t you stop me?”
“I thought...I just thought we were ogling him together. I had no idea you were planning on doing anything about it. And besides...” Taemin leaned left as he drove his car past mine and over the bridge.
“Besides what?” I asked, catching up and trying to pass him.
“It’s dumb,” he replied, blocking my attempt. “It’s just…”
“Well…just what?” We came to a bend in the road, and I drove left into the grass to cut the corner and come out ahead of him.
“I just thought that you and I were…something...” Taemin pulled up behind me and tapped my left bumper, spinning me off the road.
“Something what?” I asked, desperately trying to salvage my run.
“Not ‘something what.’ Just something.”
“What?”
Taemin crossed the finish line, with my car still spinning in the dirt one turn back. “Taemin, you’ve completely lost me.”
“That you and I were a thing, OK?” He laughed again and waved his arm in the air as though the notion was a pesky bug that needed a swat. “Just forget it,” he said smiling. “I told you it was dumb. You know how I am-I always misread things. It’s fine.”
But there was something about him, the slight slouch of his shoulders and the lack of humour behind his smile, that said otherwise.
Suddenly, I felt sick. That feeling when you realize you’ve carelessly hurt someone you care about and you can’t undo your stupidity. Like I’d been punched in the gut. Like I’d do anything for the chance to go back and change that whole night, but this time not for my sake.
“Taemin…I don’t know what to say.” My car slowed to a halt.
“Nah, just forget it. Hey, let’s play something else.” He began rifling through my stack of games.
“No, Taemin, I don’t want to forget it. You know I’d never hurt you on purpose, right?” I put a hand on his shoulder and turned him to face me.
“Yeah, stop it,” he said, pushing my hand away. “You’re being weird.”
“I’m not being weird. I’m trying to apologize. I just didn’t realize you felt that way.” I waited for him to look at me. He didn’t.
“Well, duh.”
“What do you mean, ‘duh’?”
Taemin stopped rifling through my games and finally looked up at me. “We hang out all the time.”
“Yeah, we do,” I nodded.
“Well, boyfriends do that.”
“OK, but friends do that too,” I said in my defence.
“And you’re always playing with my hair or touching my ass.” He raised a thumb and finger to emphasize these two points in his favour.
He had me there. I do do that. “OK,” I conceded.
“And I sleep over a lot,” he said shyly, adding another finger.
I tilted my head and looked at him, trying to absorb the idea, to see how it felt to think of him like that.
“Boyfriends do that, you know.”
“Yeah, I guess they do.”
“And I cook for you. And you clearly think I’m cute.” Taemin was on a roll now, his whole hand extended in the air. “And we’d be good together.”
Taemin gave up the idea of a different game and sat back on his ass and selected another race instead.
I leaned back against the foot of my bed and watched him while he waited for it to load. Maybe he was right. Not so much about the cooking thing, but I do think he’s cute. He’s my favourite person in the world-I’d just never thought of us...in that way. And it never occurred to me that Taemin felt like that about me. I felt an odd mix of pride that he liked me and shame that I hadn’t noticed.
I picked up my controller and pulled my car beside his as the countdown began. Taemin glanced over and flashed me a smile. I felt a sense of relief that we were going to be OK, regardless of what came next. Plus, Taemin’s smile always makes me feel good.
When the game started, I took off and swung past the driver in front of me, as Taemin did the same on the other side. It wasn’t long before we were in second and third, bearing down on the leader. Things were going along like normal when, out of the blue, Taemin put his controller down and pivoted to fling his leg over mine and sit on my knees.
“Um...what’s up?”
“I’m going to kiss you,” Taemin stated outright. Then before I could come up with a response to that, he put his hands against the bed on either side of my head and leaned all the way forward until our faces were closer than they’ve ever been. I just sat there, stunned. A moment later, he pressed his lips against mine. Not tentatively either, for a full couple of seconds.
I had totally expected it to feel dumb, but actually something stirred in me. Not just in my pants-although that too because sex is all it ever thinks about-but somewhere in my soul I felt warm, moved. I found myself kissing him back, and when he sat up, I pulled him closer and kissed him some more.
Taemin grinned at me when we stopped. He hopped off my legs and picked up his controller. “See. I told you we’d be good,” he said.
“Yeah,” was all I could think to say as his car left mine in the dust.
It was at that moment I realized it: Taemin’s not the clueless loser. I am.
********
Taemin and I spent a lot of time talking, and kissing, over the weekend, and we decided we’re going to take things slowly. He’s threatened to distract me with his charms while we’re playing video games, so it looks like I’m going to lose a lot of races from now on.
I can’t say I mind.
So, I actually feel great...except for the fact that I shortly have to face an entire school body that has no doubt heard all about the incident Friday night.
“Hey dumbass!” a voice calls from outside, breaking me from my thoughts.
I pull the corner of my curtain aside just enough to see out. Down on the street in front of my house are Key, Minho, and Taemin. Great. Let the heckling begin.
I grab my phone and text Taemin.
Tell key to shut up. My mom’s still asleep.
I pull the curtain again to see Taemin reading his phone and then talking with Key. Then Taemin holds out his hand for Key’s phone and messes about with it before handing it back.
My phone buzzes. I swipe it and retrieve the message.
Hey dumbass!
Geez.
Lets go! Time for school.
Idk key. Im not feeling great.
Bullshit ur just scared.
Ok fine. I just dont think im ready to face everyone yet.
What happened to ‘as long as you have a good group of friends, youll survive’?
I sigh and look back out the window again. Key waves at me to come down. Seeing me hesitating still, he goes back to his phone.
If anyone dares to say anything, ill glare at them until they turn to stone ok? U know i can do it.
I laugh and signal that I’m coming. I let the curtain fall back in place, grab my knapsack, and head down the stairs, where I throw on my coat and sneakers.
On my way out the door, I realize that, yes, it will be a while before this dies down. But sooner or later, someone else will do something idiotic and I’ll become ancient history.
Until my next dumb scheme, that is.