SSS 2010: FOR GOOBERSO1
For: gooberso1
From: Your Secret Santa
Title: Good Listening
Pairing: Jonghyun/Onew, Minho/Key, slight Onew/Key
Rating: NC-17
Wordcount: 10,483
Summary: His mother apparently thought it would be good for him to get some experience in life. But once he got there, he suspected the sort of experiences he was going to gain on board Radio Rock were not the kind she would approve of.
It was a vicious night in October, in Roaring Water Bay. The winds and rain were fierce and almost horizontal. The cold wind was bitter and numbing, and the waves crashed up and over the sides of the little boat threateningly. Thunder clapped in the sinister skies above as he tried his best to stay alive. The other man in the boat had assured him that it was highly unlikely that a shark would jump out of the water and into the boat to devour him, especially since there were no sharks in the area… but Jinki didn’t like to take risks. So, keeping all of his appendages as tightly close to the inside railings of the small sailboat as possible, he bravely looked into the wind and towards his new home.
If he was completely honest, it was a little bit of a disappointment. Going to live on a boat as the new night-time DJ for Radio Rock- the number one illegal pirate radio broadcaster in the world- probably sounded good when you were safely tucked up in your pyjamas in a nice warm house.
Actually, now that he thought about it, he had been in a warm house when he found out and he wasn’t too thrilled about the situation.
Here’s how it had gone down: Jinki had been nestled on the sofa reading some light Dostoevsky and enjoying the quiet calming tones of the classic fm radio station, when his mother had burst into the room with the news that she could no longer afford to keep him in the house when he wasn’t ever doing anything other than sitting around reading obscure crime novels, and so she was sending him to live with her childhood friend, Tonya’s, son Jonghyun. Frankly, Jinki would have found this quite upsetting if he had time to before his mother was handing him a large travel bag presumably stuffed with his few personal items and bundling him out of the house and into a taxi.
“Give my love to Jonghyun and his family!” she had shouted as the car sped off through the bucketing rain.
And so now, he was going to live with his mother’s friend’s son’s broadcasting team on a boat in the middle of nowhere. Reasons to live and not jump into the freezing cold waters and drown seemed slim on the ground.
And seriously, it wasn’t even all that spectacular to look at. The boat itself was an old fishing vessel, designed for long trips out to sea to catch salmon and mackerel, but had now been converted into a broadcasting station with the help of some rickety pylon type structures and a decaying banner along the side that Jinki couldn’t make out in the dark.
At the direction of the sailor who was transporting him, Jinki prepared to jump out off the small boat and land elegantly and smoothly on the sopping wet landing platform of the larger boat. Jinki clung to the dinghy’s rails, locking his knees and readying himself for a good moment to go.
It never came, but a surprise gust wind did, tipping the tiny boat forward, and plunging Lee Jinki into the depths of the Atlantic.
“So you must be Lee Jinki! Have we met before? I find it’s always best to check-”
“Uughhhhhowww my head… I think I bashed my skull in on the fucking rudder…”
“It’s just there was a whole two years that are pretty much blank that I spent with Kibum experimenting abroad with various recreational drugs and drinking myself into a stupor of wild sexual and spiritual fantasy in a yurt-”
“My headd ohh owww”
“Yeah, don’t worry about that. Minho says the dent in the rudder is repairable and you can pay him back over time, as long as you get up early for the next 3 days and help him fix it. Isn’t that right Minho?”
“Yes.”
Jinki moaned quietly into the floor of the boat that he had been hauled onto by the two other men. “So where were we gonna put him again, Minho?”
“He’s sharing with Key.”
“Really? Kibummie won’t like that… Sorry Jinki, the almighty Key can be a bit intimidating at times, but you’ll get used to him” said the person that he presumed to be Jonghyun, as he was hauled to his feet with the help of the tall man who had been in the dingy with Jinki.
“Do you have any allergies?” said Minho.
“Mmsorry whut-“
“It’s my turn to cook tomorrow, and I don’t want to prevent you from being able to broadcast if you get sick.”
“I have to-“ Jinki groaned as his stomach churned ominously from the violent swaying of the boat while they made their way clumsily towards a steel door “broadcast? Tomorrow!?”
“Yeah it’s a pretty tight schedule around here, and also, I should warn you-” Jinki whimpered wondering what else he could possibly need warning about, “this boat is an addiction detox zone. We’re all well-behaved around here!” he said, pushing Jinki through the door into a corridor and past a liquor cabinet which did not look… out of use.
There were two bed frames sticking out of the walls at head level on either side of the small room, each with space underneath for a chair and small chest of drawers. There was also a wardrobe in the corner of which the contents of it seeming to be making a bid for freedom, the odd sock spilling out onto the carpeted floor. The walls were a dull grey colour, and apart from a single porthole, completely devoid of any decoration at all. Jinki presumed this was his side of the room.
The other side was currently being occupied by a member of the royal family… or at least that was what it looked like. The ugly plastic bed frame that protruded from the wall was completely obscured by pink and purple draping with golden tasselled ends. Underneath the extravagant sleeping area were a royal blue chaise longue, dressing table and stool set complete with several ornate standing mirrors and a selection of perfumes, creams and decorative jewellery boxes.
On the bed itself was a girl swathed in expensive looking cotton blankets, her short blonde hair ruffled and mussed in a very attractive way which he admired with some trepidation as he hurriedly removed his damp clothes, hoping she wouldn’t wake up while he was looming above her all damp and naked.
Then, sighing, Jinki waddled with his heavy luggage over to the side of the miniscule room that didn’t look like a fabric catalogue had vomited all over it, exhaustedly dumped his sopping bag onto the floor, and flopped into the bed, falling asleep almost immediately.
What seemed like a few seconds later (but was actually around 10 straight hours), he was awoken by a hurricane in a pink fluffy bathrobe screaming: “What the actual fuck, you fucking asshole you’ve wrecked my best Swedish mohair rug, you bastard!”
Jinki ignored it, merely choosing to grumble and burrow further into his own bunk’s scratchy blankets. Still denying the other person’s presence in his mind, Jinki covered his ears, effectively blocking out the racket of the wildly gesticulating person next to him, in favour of catching a few more hours of shut-eye.
“Helll-oooo!!!??? You know that you have completely ruined this rug, right? This was a gift from my grandmother when she was travelling Europe with her fifth husband. Ugh, this is a permanent stain! And stop covering your ears like that, are you even listening to me!? DON’T YOU KNOW IT’S RUDE TO IGNORE PEOPLE WHO SCREAM AT YOU, ASSHOLE? You’ve left a
fugly footprint on my PRICELESS antique rug! I’m going to expect compensation for this you know! What are you going to do about it!?”
Jinki made a loud snore.
“Ughhhhhhhh!” With that, the irritable figure ripped the blanket off Jinki’s snoozing form intending to spank him repeatedly about the ass with a handy copy of Vogue. However the young man was shocked and embarrassed to discover that Jinki happened to be sleeping naked. So, screeching and flapping his arms uselessly, he averted his eyes whilst pulling the blankets back over his slumbering roommate and tried not to like what he was seeing too much.
Feeling a breezy chill pass between his legs, Jinki grew dimly aware that someone was looking for his attention, and rolled clumsily over and looked up at the… vision that was attacking him.
He was mildly shocked to find that the person from the bed before was in fact not a girl, but a boy. Although, in the back of his head he supposed the voice that had suddenly interrupted his dreams was too deep for a girl.
“Oh hi” Jinki said eloquently. The boy standing in front of him raised a meticulously plucked eyebrow at him in an effort to hide the crimson blush on his perfect cheekbones, and folded his arms expectantly. Jinki rubbed at his eyes, still drowsy, and admired the attractive young man with the pretty blonde hair, and catlike eyes. “Hi.” He repeated.
“Did you at least sleep well then?” the figure in the pink asked menacingly.
“Yes thanks, very wel-“
“Great, so you’ll be in fine shape to do the kitchen clean-up from the breakfast I made that you never bothered to show up for!”
Several hours and countless dirty dishes later, Jinki returned to the pokey bedroom from the kitchen where he had been abandoned. He tried knocking, but received no answer, so he opened the door and gingerly entered the room, hoping to apologise to the boy that had been introduced to him by Jonghyun as Kibum.
“Hey… Kibum.”
“Hi.”
“Ughh… sorry. About your carpet.”
“It’s a rug.”
“Your rug… Anyway I just wanted to make sure we didn’t get off to the wrong start or anything. I mean, we’re sharing a room… so we should probably try to be friends. I’m Jinki.”
Kibum pondered this statement for a while before replying in a formal tone.
“Kim Kibum. I do the 1 till 4 show with help from Taemin. Then Tae does the 8 to 10 show and I help him with that one. You’re doing the dawn show?”
“Ughh, sorry I don’t-“
“From midnight to 3 am, right? What’s your genre?”
“Guhhh…”
“I mean, we all play rock music as default, but my show features a lot of chart artists and dance music. Taemin plays grunge and grime shit sometimes and Minho likes RnB or like… ‘soul’ music, you know?”
“Yeah ugh, not really actually-”
“And then Jjong- that’s Jonghyun by the way-, well he plays Rock, Classic Rock, Metal, Glam Rock, Pop-Rock and he has this weird obsession with the Beach Boys actually. Sometimes he plays Surfin’ USA while he wanks himself off in the shower. You can hear it through these walls. Honestly, they’re so thin and he always sings along but then his voice does this weird choking thing when he comes… hey, are you ok? You look like you’re having a stroke.”
Jinki waved this remark away, trying to unknot his tongue whilst simultaneously not picturing the aforementioned man naked in the shower, and masturbating, whilst Kibum continued on about Jonghyun.
“So he’s the boss I guess… like, it’s his boat. It was left to him in his father’s will after the man tragically died from an overdose. Mrs Kim has never been the same, poor woman. Awful, Really. So, how’d you end up here anyway?”
“My mother was friends with Jonghyun’s mother in the 70s-”
“OH. MY. GOD. Are you Blanche’s son!? She came out here last Easter with Jjong’s mom and sucked off Jonghyun. Her own best friend’s son! She’d known him since he was born! In the boiler room! Actually, he says it’s one of the reasons he prefers guys now. Said she wouldn’t stop drooling all over his nuts and she did this weird biting thing… believe me. He couldn’t get it up again for weeks afterward! So are you some poor illegitimate son of Blanche vacuum-lips then?”
“…No. My mother’s name is Karen. She’s never been on a boat.”
“Oh… Ok then. Sorry if I come across a bit full on sometimes, it’s just my nature though, I’m not exactly diplomatic I’m just… not one to mince my words. Anyway though, if you’re not Blanche’s son, then who
you, Lee Jinki?”
“No-one really. I just… felt like a break from the high-life in the city. It was just go, go, go all the time like… partying… partying all night and day and night and…ughh, wild…”
Kibum looked at him sceptically.
“Ok fine. My mother kicked me out of the house because all I did was sit at the computer playing star craft and I finally got fired from my job at the local library.”
There followed another short awkward silence before Jinki hastily changed the subject by asking, “Why are you here, Kibum?”
Kibum answered him after considering for a few seconds saying, “Me and Jjong have been friends since we could talk. He invited me here after I got kicked out of my job teaching at a fashion design school for sleeping with one of my students.”
Seeing the growing look of horror on Jinki’s face Kibum hastily expanded, “It’s not like it was some sick paedophilia shit, okay! I was only a training teacher, it was my first year there and he was a senior pupil. I wasn’t just fucking around, I mean… we were properly dating and it’s still really…”
He trailed off looking at his hands, with his head hung in shame. Jinki couldn’t help but feel sorry for the delicate-looking boy who was examining his nail beds self-consciously. Even if he did have a bit of a sharp tongue, there was an underlying softness in Kibum’s eyes and in his words. Jinki found himself really hoping that Kibum wasn’t
heartbroken over this younger guy, because really, someone as gorgeous as Kibum should never ever have to frown- although that would probably have looked perfect on his face too. Catching Kibum’s eye when he finally looked up, Jinki gave him a trademark 100 watt smile and Kibum started talking again.
“So, now that we know each other’s life stories, you should come with me for my show. You can help Tae with the song switchovers and he’ll teach you about how to set up the microphones and how to brew my coffee properly. And then later on, you can head down to Jonghyun’s office and sit in while he gives his show. You might want to take pen with you, because you’ll want to take notes. Jonghyun delivers one hell of a radio show. Oh! And don’t be upset if Minho doesn’t ask you to help out at all with his one… he’s just… he prefers to be independent.”
And with that, Kibum dragged the unfortunate Lee Jinki off to experience his first day on board a sea-bound radio station/ madhouse.
Over the next few weeks, Jinki was quickly accepted into the strange band of men on board Radio Rock. He especially enjoyed listening to Jonghyun give his show, he found that whatever Jonghyun played he seemed to like, even though prior to this experience he had not been a fan of music at all. The other had quickly discovered that Jinki was not only not suitable to be a music show host; he was also not able to name any of the songs in the charts currently. With this knowledge, the others grudgingly accepted that they would have to share the hours of air time between them all until Jinki was sufficiently ‘trained’.
To make up for his short comings as a radio host Jinki quickly took on the role of maid (of which he was less than satisfied with, but he felt obliged to do). This job involved the obvious cleaning of the bedrooms, offices, kitchen (with help from Kibum), lounge area and also the disgusting toilet facilities. The job also entailed waking up the youngest member of the gang, Taemin, in the mornings. This task had proven more challenging and unpleasant than any of the others had all together. For a start, the youngest man was an unbelievably heavy sleeper. He took a good 5 minutes of shaking and gentle prodding from Jinki. Then, he had to be threatened with a cold glass of water over his head before he would even stir. After that Jinki would have to push and pull him into a sitting position over and over and over until Taemin finally slumped into a vaguely upright position. Then, he had to be escorted from the bedroom to the communal shower room, where Jinki quickly learned he must be supervised; otherwise he had a tendency to sneak back into bed. Then there followed several hours of chores for Jinki while Kibum and Minho coached Taemin with school work that they picked up occasionally when they came to port. This work was not going to be officially sent to any school and he would not have to sit any exams, but both Jonghyun and Kibum had decided that Taemin- who had come to the boat when he was just 14- must be at least basically educated. While these lessons were going on, Jonghyun would abuse his privileges as the ‘main host’, and usually stayed in bed until half an hour before his show was due to start.
Jinki would wake him up everyday too, although he didn’t know that Jonghyun was usually already awake when he came to rouse him, pressed into his pillow and watching the clock with a secretive grin. Then he would bury his head under the blankets again and fake slumber until Jinki gently pulled him out of bed and half carried him to bathroom.
Jonghyun had decided that Jinki had to learn about music, and fast, and the best way for him to do this it seemed, was to listen to every track Jonghyun could get his hands on for him to hear. So, after his daily chores, Jinki would be most content to sit next to opposite Jonghyun while the shorter man was on air, and pass him stuff, make him coffee, engage in thumb wars and occasionally be forced into massaging the younger man’s shoulders.
One day, Jonghyun announced that it was national naked day, and as he was in no position to Google it or validate this proclamation in any way, Jinki somehow found himself sitting opposite a naked Jonghyun who was playing clichéd Muse tracks and clearly restraining himself from dancing.
“Look if you want to dance, just dance.”
Jonghyun who’s voice was still being broadcast to the entire UK did not verbally respond, instead writing his reply on a white board that he had found for use when Jinki was ‘working’ with him.
‘I would baby but the last time you saw my cock when we were in the showers you did a crap in your pants.” The whiteboard read.
Blushing slightly Jinki hastily replied, “What, what I don’t even, just, Jonghyun that doesn’t even make sense who wears pants in the shower I was naked too and I did NOT freak out… at all.”
Jonghyun decides to be an even more annoying douche than before, by drawing a small cartoon of the events of that fateful day, allowing himself a few extra inches and drawing so many blush lines on Jinki’s face that Jinki thinks of reaching over and thumping him, but then, he would have to stand up for that. And Jonghyun would see everything. What’s more, he would probably see Jonghyun and crap his pants, he thought ironically. Then he remembered that again, as in the shower, one does not wear pants while hosting a naked radio show.
“Do you have any good reason for us to be doing this anyway?”
Switching off the microphone for a couple of minutes, Jonghyun looked up from his artistic masterpiece briefly and fix Jinki in a serious look.
“Because baby, the girls love it.”
“Really? The girls love it. That’s just… how would they even know if you actually are naked?”
“Listen, they can just tell ok?”
Jinki looked at him sceptically
“And sometimes I take a picture of myself and post it on the radio’s twitter too.”
“You w-what!? Jonghyun that’s hundreds, no! Thousands of people looking at you on some shitty social networking site! I don’t think it’s a good idea and- hey… how do you even get on twitter in the first place?”
“Using a computer…?”
“You have a computer here!? YOU HAVE INTERNET HERE!? Why didn’t you tell me sooner!?”
“Look shut up and I’ll explain after the show for today is done, trust me, when I’m naked the ratings we get for the show go through the roof.”
“Then why don’t you just do it naked all the time!?”
“Shh!”
“And that doesn’t explain why I have to be naked too.” Then Jonghyun silenced the spluttering Jinki with a foot to his mouth.
Jinki found that his concentration abilities depleted greatly when in the same room as Jonghyun. He could watch the younger man indefinitely, while Jonghyun crooned along to songs sung by wistful, love-struck men, and he was always amazed by how completely involved Jonghyun could get in the music. Then, with a lazy smile, Jonghyun would fade out the gorgeous melodies and replace them with his own loud, boisterous introduction speech, which would jerk Jinki back to earth, and to his senses.
“Hello! You are listening to Radio Rock! Where I am the COUNT JONGYULA and I’m COUNTIN’ ON YOU as we COUNT DOWN to ECSTASY.”
“I really find it alarming when you do that.”
“Sorry baby, but it can’t be helped” said Jonghyun, switching the mic off temporarily to talk to Jinki.
Oh and that was another thing. Recently, Jonghyun had taken to addressing Jinki as “Baby”, which Jinki found disconcerting to say the least. He also found it harder to ignore his racing heart every time the pet-name was dropped from Jonghyun’s lips.
Jinki sighed and spun around in his swivel-chair.
“You look huffy. What’s wrong?” asked Jonghyun as he drew cartoon jellyfish and starfish on an old album cover.
“Nothing’s wrong, Jonghyun. I’m fine.” Jinki said in what he seemed to think was a convincing tone.
“You look like someone ate your dinner without permission and left you all hungry and whiny again… It wasn’t Minho was it? That little brat’s been getting up my nose recent-”
“Jjong he didn’t steal my food, he-”
“But he did do something?”
“No- well… yeah kinda.”
Jonghyun looked at Jinki worriedly and then reluctantly pulled his earphones back up and switched the mic on again. Ten minutes into the second half of the show he wrote on the mini white board ‘We’re going to talk after this, okay?’
“But it’s really nothing Jjong, you don’t have to worry about it-”
Jonghyun had guided Jinki out of his office down a tiny cramped hallway into the younger man’s room and was standing facing him, waiting for Jinki to explain his troubles with a worried look on his face.
“Jinki you know if there’s anything wrong or anyone’s bothering you or you’re just in a shitty mood you can like, come over to see me… I... I you know, I worry that, like, do you even… like it here? I know we’re all arrogant bastards and we’re not the most welcoming guys ever, and sometimes we’re grumpy and steal your food, or refuse to get out of bed-”
“O-of course I do!” Spluttered Jinki. “Of course I do… like it here.”
“Really? You don’t wish you were at home in a warm house, spending the work up to Christmas with like… your family… your friends?”
“I… no. Jonghyun, it’s nice here.”
Jonghyun watch him, as if looking for a sign that the older boy was joking.
“I like it here. Really. I really really like it here. With you.”
Jonghyun’s eyes only widened a tiny bit but Jinki still amended his words to “With all of you. Kibum, Taemin, and you. Even Minho.” He said laughing quietly to cover the uncomfortable feeling growing in his stomach as he noticed Jonghyun moving subtly closer.
Jonghyun opened his mouth to say something and, panicking, Jinki blurted out, “It’s just that Minho spoke to me earlier about Kibum, and umm, me.”
“Kibum… and you?” Jonghyun said raising his eyebrow.
“Yeah. Minho says… that I should give Kibum some space. He thought, he told me that since I moved in with Kibum and I’ve been helping him clean up and cook sometimes, he thinks Kibum’s getting tired of having me around. And that I should back off. He was really mad, Kibum must have said something to him about me, it’s probably about the Taemin thing-d”
“There’s a Taemin thing?”
“Yeah, actually, yesterday I was sitting with Kibum and Taemin while he did his school work, since Minho was on the phone to his mother, and I’m pretty good at math. But then when Minho turned up he told me to get out of his fucking seat-”
“He said what now?”
“He was just being diplomatic you know, getting rid of me so that Kibum wouldn’t have to do it himself-”
“Doesn’t sound very diplomatic to me.”
“Well it doesn’t matter anyway, I’m fine, I’m just gonna sleep in the lounge tonight, there’s a book I want to finish and Kibum can’t sleep if I keep the lights on anyway-”
“Jinki, stop it. Minho’s a rude asshole. You know this has got fuck all to do with you? Minho is… protective over Kibum. There are things between them.”
“What things? Jinki asked, folding his arms.
“Just… look. If you want to know all about this stuff, then the only person you can ask is Kibum. Or Minho, but I highly doubt he’s gonna be too forthcoming with details about it since right now he thinks you’re his competition or something-”
“Did you just say competition?”
“No, no-“
“Jong-“
“What? And stop calling me Jong, it’s not manly enough. I’m in charge around here, you should respect me.” Jonghyun said grinning and poking Jinki in the stomach.
“Lee Jinki respect you? How about a little respect for me? I’m older after all…”
“I don’t give a crap.”
“Hey!”
“Look. Ok. I respect you Jinki.”
Then moving forward to cup Jinki’s face in his palms, he leaned in close to the older boy and muttered “I respect you a whole fucking lot”.
Then he left a dazed Jinki standing in the bedroom, staring at the messed up blanket on Jonghyun’s bed. Shakily, Jinki straightened the sheets and plumped the pillow, resisting the urge to inhale Jonghyun’s scent.
“So then she was all like ‘no freaking way did you just rip my new Gucci dress!’ and so I was all ‘ sorry bitch, but that dress was almost as fugly as your face and then- …Are you even listening to me Jinki?”
Jinki, who had been nodding off to sleep whilst he curled up on Kibum’s bunk talking to him, or whilst Kibum talked at him, blinked his eyes rapidly and smiled hopefully up at the younger boy.
“Yeah, you found your handbag in the shower room eventually-“
“That was a completely separate story!”
“I’m sure you were just telling me about it-“
“Actually I was just telling you about this skank who used to get on my nerves in high school-“
“Sorry Bum, I’m just really sleepy right now.”
Kibum’s eyes softened and he smiled gently. “It’s fine Jinki. Sorry for being such a chatterbox…” he said as he moved forward to pat Jinki’s cheek and then settle down against his side, linking their elbows companionably. “You wanna snuggle up here with me and sleep while I watch Gossip Girl?”
Nodding drowsily Jinki didn’t bother to reply, instead letting himself slip deeper under the expensive blankets, burrowing his nose into Kibum’s soft hair. Kibum sighed contentedly and reached for his laptop, settling into Jinki more comfortably and enjoying the warm feel of the older man’s chest.
Jinki feel asleep almost immediately, with his dreams full of images of Jonghyun, the sound of Jonghyun’s voice, not his talking voice, his singing voice… it was divine… Jinki wanted to listen to it for ever. Through the haze of his sleep he could make out Kibum’s face in front of him. The boy was swathed in a kind of dark bluey-green substance- water, he was underwater, very very deep, and his mouth was wide open, like when he was talking.
Expect… except Jinki could tell that he wasn’t trying to talk… he was trying to scream. But no-one could hear him. He was watching Kibum drown and he was helpless to stop him, and he quickly found that he was drowning to! Chained up to the boat which was wrecked on the sea-bed, thrashing around against the awfully heavy press of the thousands of tonnes of water, and he watched horrified as Taemin and Minho’s figures loomed out of the shadowy water, also trapped and terrified. In a desperate attempt to free himself as his lungs started to scream desperately for air, he pulled violently at the chains around his waist, and somehow propelled himself in a circle,and in his head he could hear the scream that came out silent from his mouth as he became
face to face with Jonghyun. The boy before him had nothing of his usual life or colour. The his mouth was hanging loosely open; his lips were an awful blue colour, his skin looked gaunt and stretched across his bones grotesquely, and his eyes. The eyes stared ahead unseeingly, never blinking, searing deep into Jinki’s soul.
He was dead.
But just as soon as Jinki had fallen asleep, he awoke to find himself still safely nestled in Kibum’s bed, and not chained to a shipwreck at the bottom of the ocean.
Finding the darkness of the room too dark for his eyes to adjust to, he froze quickly upon hearing the sound of someone’s hushed voice.
“I fucking trusted you, and I come in here to find this shit sleeping in bed right next to you? You must think I’m pretty stupid Kibum-“
“Shh please don’t-“
“Wake him up? Yeah sorry, wouldn’t want to ruin your little moment together. Guess I should leave now so that you two can hold each other while you fall asleep and make sweet love when you wake up tomorrow-“
“Fuck off Minho”
Jinki forced himself to keep still as the voices became fractionally louder.
“Fine, Kibum. Fine.”
“No- Minho, ugh. You know what I mean-”
“No I don’t. I don’t understand anything you do these days.” Then Jinki heard the sound of the cabin door clicking closed, and he knew that he and Kibum were alone. All was silent for a couple of minutes whilst Jinki concentrated on keeping his breathing level and resisting the urge to scratch his cheek before Kibum spoke finally spoke.
“You’re awake, aren’t you.” The blonde boy crawled across the bunk towards Jinki’s ‘sleeping’ form, and lay down next to him, staring into his open eyes. “Sorry about that.”
“It’s fine Kibum I-“
“It’s not fine Jinki. He’s being a dick and we all know it. Even him.”
Jinki whispered into the darkness “Look I don’t want to come between you and Minho, I just got here and you guys don’t even know me yet, I can go sleep on the couch, call him back in here-“
“Don’t be stupid Jinki. Things will be fine between us. He just doesn’t like other people being near me. He doesn’t… understand that I can have friends that I love, and care about, but I don’t want to fuck them. So he has to learn. Right?”
Jinki nodded slowly.
“You’re lovely, Jinki. Don’t worry. About anything, ok?”
Slowly letting out a breath, he patted Kibum’s cheek fondly.
“You’re kind of like a mom.”
“What?” said Kibum raising an eyebrow.
“You. You’re kind of like a mom. You always look after us all, and cook for us. And tell us not to worry. You even have a pink apron-“
“Ok that’s enough from you smart guy, go back to sleep before I make you.”
“But-“
“And no buts.”
“Fine, but that’s something a mom would say too.”
“Silence!” Then Kibum turned around and settled himself into Jinki’s chest, comfortably spooning and ignoring the older boy.
The next morning Jinki woke up face to face with a grinning Taemin telling him he had slept in until 3.30 pm and Jonghyun was going spare looking for him before it was time for his 4 o’clock show.
“Why didn’t Kibum wake me up then… and shouldn’t you be studying, Tae?”
“Of course not, don’t you know what day it is?”
“…umm… I think it’s Wednesday?”
“No you idiot! Well. I mean, yeah it is Wednesday, but it’s also December first! The start of advent!” Jinki’s questioning look implored Taemin to expand on his statement. “On December the first my winter vacation from lessons starts, so I can sleep in as long as I want… actually I’m, sort of impressed. No-one’s ever slept in as late as me on December first before. Oh, and Kibum’s busy decorating the boat with these awful neon purple Christmas trees we always have. He really get’s into the Christmas spirit.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, so you have to get up and dressed like now, or Jonghyun’s probably gonna cry.”
“What does he even need me around for” Jinki grumbled as he slid grumpily out of Kibum’s bunk and onto the soft mohair rug.
“He says having you around helps him concentrate, but I don’t think that’s really what it is.”
“You don’t?” Jinki said sarcastically, thinking of all the time the two of them spent goofing off with each other instead of concentrating on the show. The other day they had constructed a pile of four hundred and fifty-three paper stars, then used them to replace the stuffing of Minho’s pillow.
“Actually, I think having you around just makes him happy. And when he’s happy, he always does a good show. And when he does a good show, we get better ratings, and when we get better ratings we can all relax and enjoy Christmas together instead of having to give up and go back to our separate homes, like last year.” Taemin leaned against the door leisurely as Jinki listened to him, sliding on his jeans over a pair of his boxers. “Dude, you didn’t even take off the boxers you slept in. Aren’t you going to change your underwear?”
“Not in front of a twelve year old I’m not.”
“I’m seventeen! I’m practically a mature adult!”
“Yeah yeah... and what were you saying about this time last year?”
“Oh yeah… Jonghyun… he went through a kind of depressed stage. He played a lot of really emo-y shit on his show and we lost a big chunk of our following. We almost had to close down the station and go back to port. But he got over it. Kibum helped him. And now you’re helping him! But seriously you better fucking run right now or he’s gonna do something drastic.”
“Right, ok then, thanks for waking me up!” Jinki smiled at Taemin then exited the cabin and made his way briskly down the hall in the direction of Jonghyun’s office before turning a corner and crashing straight into the man himself.
“Where the hell have you been! Oh never mind, just get in the fucking room. You missed breakfast AND lunch, Kibum’s gonna go fucking crazy at you.” Jinki smiled because he knew it wasn’t true, and let Jonghyun drag him into the office.
Today was a special show according to Jonghyun, although Jinki secretly found every moment Jonghyun was on the air, (and off it for that matter) pretty damn special, and so he wanted to record Jinki’s voice too, and introduce him to their fans and to their world.
“Ok, so as I’m sure most of you already know due to key keeping you all posted with our movements on his twitter, Radio Rock has a new crew member! Onew!” shouted Jonghyun into the microphone.
‘Onew?’ Jinki mouthed at Jonghyun confusedly as Jonghyun thrust a microphone stand into his hands and planted a set of head phones squint on top of his head.
“He’s here with me right now, practicing for when he can do his own show for you guys! And I promise you he will not disappoint! Without further ado, I introduce to all you sexy sexy people out there, the one, the only, the magnificent, Lee Jinki/ Onew!” Jinki wanted to glare at Jonghyun, he really did, but the only thing that would come out was his usual ridiculously happy grin. Even as Jonghyun pushed the microphone into his face roughly and smacked the thing straight into his teeth, which totally hurt by the way, and forced him to say hi to everyone, he could only smile into the other’s eyes and comply shyly.
Later they all ate dinner in the lounge room, chicken pot pie and caramel yogurts went down much better than Jinki would ever have thought, and Taemin danced for them all, Jinki thought he was surprisingly good, but then he thought about it some more and realised it shouldn’t have come as a shock to him that Taemin was a dancer. The boy always moved with such grace and elegance.
Then Kibum joined him and the two of them started a slow, lazy dance, which the others all watched with sleepy hooded eyes before Minho took Kibum and Taemin off to their respective beds.
With his head propped up on a cushion and his legs resting across Jonghyun’s stomach, Jinki felt unbelievably comfortable and contented. However there was still niggling twinge of worry in the back of his mind every time he thought back to the dream he had experienced the previous night.
They continued in their comfortable routine of lazy mornings and warm evenings, Kibum and Taemin especially loved the build up to Christmas and had been forcing them to watch festive Christmas films and eat nothing but home-made cakes and pastries, so everyone else was enjoying it, and no-one was threatening him anymore, but Jinki started to feel rather detached from the rest of the group. Every night since his nightmare he would sink into sleep calmly, but soon enough become engulfed in the dream again. It had gotten to the stage where he was waking up in a cold sweat with Kibum leaning over him trying to calm him down, “You were shouting Jonghyun’s name in your sleep honey… hey, it’s ok, just relax, I’m here now”. Jinki was thankful that the younger boy never mentioned his troubled sleep pattern to anyone else, but he found himself jittery and frightened to go to sleep, and the later into the evenings it got, the more worried he would become.
It all came to a head on Christmas Eve.
Jinki and Jonghyun were lying on a couch in the lounge area, Jinki pressed up against Jonghyun’s chest, trying not to seem tense and nervous, but every time he felt his eyelids drooping he jolted and felt goosebumps pass up and down his arms. Jonghyun slid his arms slowly around his waist, nuzzled closer into Jinki and whispered, “You’re like my girlfriend” in Jinki’s ear.
“I’m what!?” exclaimed Jinki, trying to turn around but unable to due to the Jonghyun stuck to his back.
“You’re like my girlfriend baby...” Jonghyun’s grin was audible in his voice. “You wake me up in the morning, clean for me, help me with my work, entertain me when I’m bored and you’re pretty touchy-feely. This position is intimate even for a couple, Jinki-“
“You’re the one who always initiates the touching! I just go along with it! And you’re the one who wanted me to sit next to you so that you wouldn’t get cold, then you ended up getting all cuddly with me. AND I’m not a girl.”
“Yeah, but in our relationship, you’re the female.”
“We’re not even in a relationship Jonghyun-“
“But you admit that if we were you’d be the female?”
“What? No, Jonghyun, I’m not having this conversation with you.” Jinki said trying to pull his face away from Jonghyun’s hand which was stroking his jaw sensually.
“Why not…” Jonghyun said rubbing his palm across Jinki’s stomach.
“Because… ugh. It’s awkward… and just… Jonghyun stop it.”
“Stop what-“
“Stop fiddling with my belly button.”
“But you have an outy! I’ve never met anyone with an outy before...” Jonghyun said swivelling Jinki’s torso around to face him better and yanking his shirt up to his armpits, before leaning closer to peer at the older man’s stomach, ignoring Jinki’s struggles and keeping his hands held above his head in a tight grip.
“Jonghyun stop it! Stop it right now!
“You know Jinki, you probably shouldn’t eat so much all time, you’re getting kind of chubby-“
“I’m not!” wailed Jinki miserably, wrenching his hands free and pushing Jonghyun unceremoniously onto the floor, standing up quickly and pressing past the younger boy out of the way in an attempt to storm out of the room.
“Hey, Jinki, wait!” Jonghyun lurched up into a standing position and grabbed his arm, turning him around and looking at him worriedly. “Jinki what’s wrong with you tonight?”
“What’s wrong with me? Nothing. I’m fine.”
“ You’re clearly not fine-“
“Oh, so I’m not allowed to be pissed when my supposed best friend says he thinks I’m getting fat. When I’m not.”
“Jinki, I know that’s not why you’re annoyed, you’ve been weird all day, earlier during the show-“
“The show was fine!”
“You kept spacing out on me!”
“I’m just tired-“
“Fuck off, you slept for like 12 hours last night.”
“Yeah, well I feel like I slept for about 2.”
“You gonna tell me the real reason you’re upset with me today or should I just let you lie to me and run off to Kibum.”
“This has fuck all to do with Kibum so I don’t know why you’re bringing him into it-“ Jinki said, his voice raising along with his temper.
“You and Kibum sleep in the same fucking bed, but you go crazy when I so much as touch you. If you don’t want me around you could just say so instead of being an asshole-“
“Jonghyun-“
“Is that it? Minho was right I guess, you do have a thing about Kibum. Well don’t let me interrupt you-“
“Look, I had a bad dream last night!”
Jonghyun went quiet, raising his eyebrows and folding his arms.
“You had a bad dream.” He repeated darkly.
“…Yes.”
“I’m sorry I ever fucking tried to get close to you, you’re a shitty liar Jinki. Kind of a shitty friend too.” He spoke with a horrible calmness in his voice that frightened Jinki and then after staring at him blankly for a few seconds, he turned on his heel and walked off through the kitchen in the direction of the deck.
Jinki wandered aimlessly in the opposite direction from Jonghyun thinking that it wasn’t very fair that the other boy didn’t believe him, and wondering how the situation had gone from peachy to completely fucked within the space of five minutes. The more he thought about it the guiltier he felt. In a lot of ways, it was all his fault. Jonghyun had teased him about being chubby before but he had never gotten angry before, and he knew that Jonghyun was only teasing, because he had also complimented Jinki about his body a lot.
And he had been kind of weird all day, but that dream had really spooked him. And the look Jonghyun had given him had only been a painful reminder of the haunting image from the nightmare.
Jonghyun’s lifeless face kept swimming to the surface of his mind whenever he let stopped concentrating on something else, and it was really starting to creep him out. He figured he just needed to de-stress himself and take a hot then go to bed. Hopefully he’d feel better in the morning.
He made his way into the communal shower room and picked up a fluffy white towel that he had washed himself with Kibum two nights ago. He carried his towel over to the large mirror which was permanently fogged up due to the humidity of the room and wiped a section clear with his palm. His face looked paler than usual, even though the room was warm, and his lips were puffed and swollen from being chewed on nervously. He gave himself a bracing grin that came out like a grimace, and quickly undressed himself and left his clothes folded in the linen cupboard to keep them warm, before making his way into the shower at the end of the room which he knew had that hottest water supply, and a partial door.
He draped his towel over the door and turned his back to the room, switching on the shower and stepping into it without waiting for it to get hot. He enjoyed the sensation of his goosebumps being washed away in a few quick seconds after the water started to warm his skin. He reached his hand up and dragged it through his hair squeezing the water through his fingers and letting it trickle over his face. He closed his eyes, leaning back against the cool tile wall and let out a deep sigh, relaxing his shoulders and allowing the hot pulse of the water to massage the aches out of his muscles and his bones. Then reaching for a bottle of shampoo that Kibum kept there at all times, he washed his hair twice thoroughly, encasing himself in the scent of guava fruits and letting all of the soap run off his body, massaging the foaming bubbles into the muscles of his legs and let himself sink slowly to the ground, and sat holding his knees to his chest.
He felt even less important than we he had come here. Before all this… he had been no-one. He didn’t know what he wanted to do, or he did, but he knew it would never happen. But now, it was like he was not only not good enough for normal society, but he had also failed to be good enough for this group of complete misfits. He had thought that he might be able to find himself here. But now he was even more confused than ever.
He was angry, at Minho, and Jonghyun. He was angry at Kibum for not telling him everything. He was angry at himself for being hard on Jonghyun, and for fucking everything up between them over a complete misunderstanding.
He was angry at his life, for not being how he wanted it, not being born naturally confident and charismatic, he was angry about having a shit mother, and a father who had disappeared of the face of the earth as soon as he was born.
He breathed in and out deeply, and then stood to turn off the shower. The soap slipped out of his hand in his wet grip, so he bent over to pick it up, and almost didn’t hear the sharp intake of breath coming from behind him.
He froze, at first thinking he was being observed by some voyeur, probably Jonghyun, but then he recognised the voice of Minho muttering “Kibum, Kibum, Kibum…” under his breath, and the small gasps and whimpers that Kibum was making in return. Keeping low to the ground, he padded slowly forward jumping a little when he heard the sound of bodies smacking against the tiled wall. A loud moan from Minho was interrupted by the sound of a shower being switched on, Jinki still trying to remain as silent as possible as he crouched next to the small dividing door, and pushed it open a slither, still not completely certain about what he thought was going on in the room.
The sight that met his eyes left him in no doubt at all.
Minho had Kibum pinned up against the wall, both of them getting drenched by the hot shower that was coursing over their bodies. Kibum was almost completely naked save for a pair of soaked white boxer shorts that Jinki could catch glimpses of as Minho’s hand roughly cupped and stroked him through the wet fabric. Minho still had his jeans on and was removing a black cotton shirt with lots of assistance from Kibum, who’s legs were quaking and sliding on the slippery floor. Throwing his wet shirt into the corner of the room, Minho bent his neck to press Kibum and his’ foreheads together and slid his arms up the older man’s slippery thighs, dragging the wet underwear down Kibum’s legs and chucking the garment to join the discarded shirt in the corner, then he cupped the older man’s ass, hitching his body further up the wall and guiding Kibum’s long legs to wrap around his waist. The now fully naked Kibum moaned his approval of the younger man’s actions, as Minho rocked his clothed hips into his naked and pulsing cock.
Minho’s hand slid down Kibum’s arm to take his hand and clasp it tight, stretching their arms out flat against the wall and with his other hand he stroked Kibum’s waist and then trailed his hand up to his face, cupping his cheek gently, brushing their noses together, smiling against the other boys lips. They kissed differently, almost like they were slightly shy of each other, grinning into each other’s mouths all stuttered breaths, whimpered moans and encouraging whispers into Minho’s ear as the tallest boy dropped his head down onto Kibum’s shoulder and reached his hands down to undo his pants. Kibum looked up into the light with an ecstatic blush across his cheeks and his mouth parted silently, and every time Minho’s hands brushed against his cock he would purse his lips and moan in the most blissful way. Minho tugged his pants down just enough to release his cock and guided Kibum’s hand to take it, moving it up and down his length, biting down on the shoulder of the beautiful boy pressed against him.
“You feel so good…” Minho moaned into Kibum’s neck, and the other boy nodded silently, his legs quivering and clenching around Minho’s waist.
“Minho, Minho… Minho please-“Kibum brought his hand up from Minho’s cock to tilt the younger man’s face towards him. Minho panted harshly, his hot breath landing on Kibum’s bow-lips and ghosting over his cheeks as Kibum choked out “p-please… I want you inside me.”
They stared at each other for a few seconds, Kibum shaking in anticipation as their naked torsos pressed together. Then Minho nodded and kissed Kibum’s cheek, sliding an hand across his hip bone and hooking it under his thing, pressing it up against the wall and groaning as the tip of his cock dragged across Kibum’s twitching hole. Kibum reach a hand down between them to align Minho with his entrance and pressed himself downward. Minho let Kibum ease him in part of the way with his hand, then he stilled and held the other boy’s hand tightly, watching the feelings flashing through Kibum’s eyes. Kibum had Minho’s hair in a tight grip and his eyes fixed on a spot over Minho’s shoulder.
“You’re supposed to let me prepare you baby-“
“Just shut up!” Kibum choked out through firmly pressed lips. Letting out a gasp of pain he rolled his hips against Minho, allowing the boy to push further into him, the sliding stretching sensation causing his eyes to fill with tears as he groaned out of pain this time. Minho stroked at his stomach, trying to un-tense the muscles, and get Kibum to relax a little, but Kibum merely took both of his hands in a vice-grip and closed his eyes, beginning to rock his hips down onto the taller boy as he knew the pain would get better if he could find his prostate.
“Bum… It’s fine if you want to stop, we can go back to my room and mess around for a while” Minho tried to keep his voice steady as the older boy rocked himself down determinedly, “Kibum, stop please, you’re going to tear yourself-“his voice cracking, he whimpered at the tight perfection of Kibum surrounding him, trying to hold Kibum still, or calm him, but then Kibum whined loudly and his eyes flew open staring at Minho in ecstasy.
“Ugh that felt good, Minho please fuck me, please please, I love you Minho, you feel amazing-“
“Jesus fucking Christ.” Minho whimpered as Kibum took hold of his ass and pulled him in, they both seemed to blend into one person then, the push and the pull of their bodies was seamless, and Jinki felt disgusting looking in on their love scene.
Then there was nothing he could do but wait for them to finish, he stopped watching them quickly and huddled up in the corner of the shower, guilt pulsing through him every time Kibum whimpered into the steamy air. He had started to get cold even though the room was still warm, and his legs were hurting by the time they finally left the room, Minho half supporting Kibum, who was walking gingerly, but looked utterly blissful. He quickly got up and fetched his clothes only bothering to put on his underwear and a t-shirt before making his way back to his shared cabin.
Kibum had come into the room about half an hour after Jinki had settled onto his bed to listen to some playlist Jonghyun had made him on his iPod, Jinki thought about ignoring him and just going to sleep since it was about two am at this stage, but decided he really did want to talk to Kibum, even if looking at him still made him feel see-through and guilty.
“Is Minho the guy you were in love with when you worked at that school?”
Kibum seemed taken aback and slightly embarrassed, but answered timidly, “Yes.”
“Then I think I’m going to start sharing a room with Jonghyun. Minho… He really loves you. I don’t think you, or I should fuck with that.”
“Well that’s sweet of you Jinki but to be honest, I’m not sure he’s going to want to share a room with you right now… he seems… angry. You can just stay here for the night-”
“I’m going to talk to him now actually. I’m pretty sure he’s going to forgive me.”
Kibum looked at him suspiciously and fiddled with a strand of his hair; tucking it behind his ear, smoothing it down, fluffing it, repeat. “Jinki… what exactly is it you did that you need him to forgive you for?”
“Nothing. That’s why he’s going to forgive me.” Jinki said confidently.
“Ok now you’re just being extremely cryptic and confusing me. If you didn’t do anything then why is Jonghyun upset?”
“Because he’s being jealous and angry about me and you being together.” Kibum raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth to speak, “I mean not that we are together! It’s just that he thinks we’re fucking and doesn’t like it. He’s pretty much my Minho.”
“…What? You and Jonghyun had a thing before you guys came here!?”
“No-“
“Jesus Christ, no-one tells me anything around here!”
“I mean that Minho is possessive and angry about me because he thinks you’re cheating on me… or he just needs an excuse to hate anyone who infiltrates in his territory.”
“Please speak in smaller words Jinki, it’s twenty past two.”
“Sorry. What I’m trying to say is that Minho doesn’t like it when other people get too close to you, especially if he doesn’t know them well, and on some level he knows fine well that you don’t have feelings any for me, but if he acts like he suspects you do, that gives him an excuse to be angry and mean to me. And Jonghyun is kind of like my Minho in that he gets annoyed that we’re pretty close friends because he wants me to be his girlfriend.”
“…His what.”
“His boyfriend.”
“You said girlfriend!”
“I said nothing! Now shut up talking Kibum, I’ve got to go win back Jonghyun’s heart.”
“That was cheesy and clichéd, I hope that’s not your opening line for Jonghyun, ‘I’m here to win back your heart’.”
“Of course it isn’t! But he loves cheesy things like that so it would probably work a treat-“
“Oh God, now I’ve put ideas into your head, you should go now. And don’t come back until at least five am. Or at all.”
“Is that because you want me and Jonghyun to have a long time to talk everything out or because you want to invite Minho over here while I’m gone-“
“Be quiet you!”
“Fine, just please don’t do anything on my bed-“
“I’m going to, just to be mean.” Kibum said with a smile. Jinki narrowed his eyes at him and pointed his finger at the younger boy dramatically, exiting the room backwards and only tripping over the small step a little bit.
He found Jonghyun on the top deck of the boat, wrapped in several jumpers, leaning against the railing, watching the dark waters lap at the sides of the vessel. He looked more than a little bit pathetic.
Realising that Jonghyun hadn’t noticed his arrival Jinki crept up behind him and the engulfed him in a bear hug, tucking his head over Jonghyun’s shoulder, breathing in the scent of his neck.
“I’m really sorry. For being weird and grumpy these past couple of weeks. I… I really did have a bad dream. I dreamt that the boat sank and we were all drowning. The others were still alive and fighting their way out of the wreckage, but you… You were just floating there behind me. And I like you much better alive Jonghyun, really” Jinki’s voice cracked and he tried to ignore the prickle behind his eyes as he carried on. “And I keep having that same dream every night now, it’s really screwing me up and I don’t know what to do about it, but I really really like you… Jonghyun, I would never… cheat on you. I mean, I know we’re not technically in a relationship but I honestly have no romantic feelings for Kibum, I’m too… I’m too in love with you. Don’t you trust me?”
“What is this, Titanic?”
“What-“
“Holding me over a railing of a boat, asking me if I trust you.”
“Oh god, why does everything I do screw up-“
“It’s not screwed up Jinki. I get it. And I’m sorry too. I’m a stupid jealous bastard and I get too attached too fast.”
“I like it that you get attached quickly… It’s nice having you attached to me.”
“…Was that supposed to be innuendo or something? Seriously, I feel that someone should inform you about half of the time the rest of the people in the world have no idea what you’re on about Lee Jinki” Jonghyun said turning around to face Jinki. “It’s below freezing. Why are you out here in a t-shirt and boxer shorts.”
“I don’t think before I do things.”
“Clearly” Jonghyun said before finally, finally kissing him.
About ten minutes later when Jinki’s feet had started to turn blue and Jonghyun’s jumpers just weren’t keeping both of them warm enough, Jonghyun pulled his lips away gently, resting his forehead against Jinki’s.
“This isn’t right for Titanic anyway. It’s sunset in the scene in the movie.”
“We can wait for the sunrise if you like.” Said Jinki, smiling fondly.
“Or we could go back to my cabin and get warmed up there…”
Jinki grinned, taking Jonghyun’s hand and leading him towards the stairs, “I warn you, I’m not the kind of guy who puts out on the first date!” To which Jonghyun did not answer with words, he merely punched him, then kissed it better.
And later, lying lazily in Jonghyun’s bed with a warm hand on his belly after he had totally just put out on the first date, Jinki was pleased to note to himself that he had a home, a family, dreams that were no longer plagued by terrifying images, and one big reason to live pressed into his side, kissing his neck.
“Merry Christmas Jinki.” Jonghyun muttered, and it was cheesy, but it was good.
From: Your Secret Santa
Title: Good Listening
Pairing: Jonghyun/Onew, Minho/Key, slight Onew/Key
Rating: NC-17
Wordcount: 10,483
Summary: His mother apparently thought it would be good for him to get some experience in life. But once he got there, he suspected the sort of experiences he was going to gain on board Radio Rock were not the kind she would approve of.
It was a vicious night in October, in Roaring Water Bay. The winds and rain were fierce and almost horizontal. The cold wind was bitter and numbing, and the waves crashed up and over the sides of the little boat threateningly. Thunder clapped in the sinister skies above as he tried his best to stay alive. The other man in the boat had assured him that it was highly unlikely that a shark would jump out of the water and into the boat to devour him, especially since there were no sharks in the area… but Jinki didn’t like to take risks. So, keeping all of his appendages as tightly close to the inside railings of the small sailboat as possible, he bravely looked into the wind and towards his new home.
If he was completely honest, it was a little bit of a disappointment. Going to live on a boat as the new night-time DJ for Radio Rock- the number one illegal pirate radio broadcaster in the world- probably sounded good when you were safely tucked up in your pyjamas in a nice warm house.
Actually, now that he thought about it, he had been in a warm house when he found out and he wasn’t too thrilled about the situation.
Here’s how it had gone down: Jinki had been nestled on the sofa reading some light Dostoevsky and enjoying the quiet calming tones of the classic fm radio station, when his mother had burst into the room with the news that she could no longer afford to keep him in the house when he wasn’t ever doing anything other than sitting around reading obscure crime novels, and so she was sending him to live with her childhood friend, Tonya’s, son Jonghyun. Frankly, Jinki would have found this quite upsetting if he had time to before his mother was handing him a large travel bag presumably stuffed with his few personal items and bundling him out of the house and into a taxi.
“Give my love to Jonghyun and his family!” she had shouted as the car sped off through the bucketing rain.
And so now, he was going to live with his mother’s friend’s son’s broadcasting team on a boat in the middle of nowhere. Reasons to live and not jump into the freezing cold waters and drown seemed slim on the ground.
And seriously, it wasn’t even all that spectacular to look at. The boat itself was an old fishing vessel, designed for long trips out to sea to catch salmon and mackerel, but had now been converted into a broadcasting station with the help of some rickety pylon type structures and a decaying banner along the side that Jinki couldn’t make out in the dark.
At the direction of the sailor who was transporting him, Jinki prepared to jump out off the small boat and land elegantly and smoothly on the sopping wet landing platform of the larger boat. Jinki clung to the dinghy’s rails, locking his knees and readying himself for a good moment to go.
It never came, but a surprise gust wind did, tipping the tiny boat forward, and plunging Lee Jinki into the depths of the Atlantic.
“So you must be Lee Jinki! Have we met before? I find it’s always best to check-”
“Uughhhhhowww my head… I think I bashed my skull in on the fucking rudder…”
“It’s just there was a whole two years that are pretty much blank that I spent with Kibum experimenting abroad with various recreational drugs and drinking myself into a stupor of wild sexual and spiritual fantasy in a yurt-”
“My headd ohh owww”
“Yeah, don’t worry about that. Minho says the dent in the rudder is repairable and you can pay him back over time, as long as you get up early for the next 3 days and help him fix it. Isn’t that right Minho?”
“Yes.”
Jinki moaned quietly into the floor of the boat that he had been hauled onto by the two other men. “So where were we gonna put him again, Minho?”
“He’s sharing with Key.”
“Really? Kibummie won’t like that… Sorry Jinki, the almighty Key can be a bit intimidating at times, but you’ll get used to him” said the person that he presumed to be Jonghyun, as he was hauled to his feet with the help of the tall man who had been in the dingy with Jinki.
“Do you have any allergies?” said Minho.
“Mmsorry whut-“
“It’s my turn to cook tomorrow, and I don’t want to prevent you from being able to broadcast if you get sick.”
“I have to-“ Jinki groaned as his stomach churned ominously from the violent swaying of the boat while they made their way clumsily towards a steel door “broadcast? Tomorrow!?”
“Yeah it’s a pretty tight schedule around here, and also, I should warn you-” Jinki whimpered wondering what else he could possibly need warning about, “this boat is an addiction detox zone. We’re all well-behaved around here!” he said, pushing Jinki through the door into a corridor and past a liquor cabinet which did not look… out of use.
There were two bed frames sticking out of the walls at head level on either side of the small room, each with space underneath for a chair and small chest of drawers. There was also a wardrobe in the corner of which the contents of it seeming to be making a bid for freedom, the odd sock spilling out onto the carpeted floor. The walls were a dull grey colour, and apart from a single porthole, completely devoid of any decoration at all. Jinki presumed this was his side of the room.
The other side was currently being occupied by a member of the royal family… or at least that was what it looked like. The ugly plastic bed frame that protruded from the wall was completely obscured by pink and purple draping with golden tasselled ends. Underneath the extravagant sleeping area were a royal blue chaise longue, dressing table and stool set complete with several ornate standing mirrors and a selection of perfumes, creams and decorative jewellery boxes.
On the bed itself was a girl swathed in expensive looking cotton blankets, her short blonde hair ruffled and mussed in a very attractive way which he admired with some trepidation as he hurriedly removed his damp clothes, hoping she wouldn’t wake up while he was looming above her all damp and naked.
Then, sighing, Jinki waddled with his heavy luggage over to the side of the miniscule room that didn’t look like a fabric catalogue had vomited all over it, exhaustedly dumped his sopping bag onto the floor, and flopped into the bed, falling asleep almost immediately.
What seemed like a few seconds later (but was actually around 10 straight hours), he was awoken by a hurricane in a pink fluffy bathrobe screaming: “What the actual fuck, you fucking asshole you’ve wrecked my best Swedish mohair rug, you bastard!”
Jinki ignored it, merely choosing to grumble and burrow further into his own bunk’s scratchy blankets. Still denying the other person’s presence in his mind, Jinki covered his ears, effectively blocking out the racket of the wildly gesticulating person next to him, in favour of catching a few more hours of shut-eye.
“Helll-oooo!!!??? You know that you have completely ruined this rug, right? This was a gift from my grandmother when she was travelling Europe with her fifth husband. Ugh, this is a permanent stain! And stop covering your ears like that, are you even listening to me!? DON’T YOU KNOW IT’S RUDE TO IGNORE PEOPLE WHO SCREAM AT YOU, ASSHOLE? You’ve left a
fugly footprint on my PRICELESS antique rug! I’m going to expect compensation for this you know! What are you going to do about it!?”
Jinki made a loud snore.
“Ughhhhhhhh!” With that, the irritable figure ripped the blanket off Jinki’s snoozing form intending to spank him repeatedly about the ass with a handy copy of Vogue. However the young man was shocked and embarrassed to discover that Jinki happened to be sleeping naked. So, screeching and flapping his arms uselessly, he averted his eyes whilst pulling the blankets back over his slumbering roommate and tried not to like what he was seeing too much.
Feeling a breezy chill pass between his legs, Jinki grew dimly aware that someone was looking for his attention, and rolled clumsily over and looked up at the… vision that was attacking him.
He was mildly shocked to find that the person from the bed before was in fact not a girl, but a boy. Although, in the back of his head he supposed the voice that had suddenly interrupted his dreams was too deep for a girl.
“Oh hi” Jinki said eloquently. The boy standing in front of him raised a meticulously plucked eyebrow at him in an effort to hide the crimson blush on his perfect cheekbones, and folded his arms expectantly. Jinki rubbed at his eyes, still drowsy, and admired the attractive young man with the pretty blonde hair, and catlike eyes. “Hi.” He repeated.
“Did you at least sleep well then?” the figure in the pink asked menacingly.
“Yes thanks, very wel-“
“Great, so you’ll be in fine shape to do the kitchen clean-up from the breakfast I made that you never bothered to show up for!”
Several hours and countless dirty dishes later, Jinki returned to the pokey bedroom from the kitchen where he had been abandoned. He tried knocking, but received no answer, so he opened the door and gingerly entered the room, hoping to apologise to the boy that had been introduced to him by Jonghyun as Kibum.
“Hey… Kibum.”
“Hi.”
“Ughh… sorry. About your carpet.”
“It’s a rug.”
“Your rug… Anyway I just wanted to make sure we didn’t get off to the wrong start or anything. I mean, we’re sharing a room… so we should probably try to be friends. I’m Jinki.”
Kibum pondered this statement for a while before replying in a formal tone.
“Kim Kibum. I do the 1 till 4 show with help from Taemin. Then Tae does the 8 to 10 show and I help him with that one. You’re doing the dawn show?”
“Ughh, sorry I don’t-“
“From midnight to 3 am, right? What’s your genre?”
“Guhhh…”
“I mean, we all play rock music as default, but my show features a lot of chart artists and dance music. Taemin plays grunge and grime shit sometimes and Minho likes RnB or like… ‘soul’ music, you know?”
“Yeah ugh, not really actually-”
“And then Jjong- that’s Jonghyun by the way-, well he plays Rock, Classic Rock, Metal, Glam Rock, Pop-Rock and he has this weird obsession with the Beach Boys actually. Sometimes he plays Surfin’ USA while he wanks himself off in the shower. You can hear it through these walls. Honestly, they’re so thin and he always sings along but then his voice does this weird choking thing when he comes… hey, are you ok? You look like you’re having a stroke.”
Jinki waved this remark away, trying to unknot his tongue whilst simultaneously not picturing the aforementioned man naked in the shower, and masturbating, whilst Kibum continued on about Jonghyun.
“So he’s the boss I guess… like, it’s his boat. It was left to him in his father’s will after the man tragically died from an overdose. Mrs Kim has never been the same, poor woman. Awful, Really. So, how’d you end up here anyway?”
“My mother was friends with Jonghyun’s mother in the 70s-”
“OH. MY. GOD. Are you Blanche’s son!? She came out here last Easter with Jjong’s mom and sucked off Jonghyun. Her own best friend’s son! She’d known him since he was born! In the boiler room! Actually, he says it’s one of the reasons he prefers guys now. Said she wouldn’t stop drooling all over his nuts and she did this weird biting thing… believe me. He couldn’t get it up again for weeks afterward! So are you some poor illegitimate son of Blanche vacuum-lips then?”
“…No. My mother’s name is Karen. She’s never been on a boat.”
“Oh… Ok then. Sorry if I come across a bit full on sometimes, it’s just my nature though, I’m not exactly diplomatic I’m just… not one to mince my words. Anyway though, if you’re not Blanche’s son, then who
you, Lee Jinki?”
“No-one really. I just… felt like a break from the high-life in the city. It was just go, go, go all the time like… partying… partying all night and day and night and…ughh, wild…”
Kibum looked at him sceptically.
“Ok fine. My mother kicked me out of the house because all I did was sit at the computer playing star craft and I finally got fired from my job at the local library.”
There followed another short awkward silence before Jinki hastily changed the subject by asking, “Why are you here, Kibum?”
Kibum answered him after considering for a few seconds saying, “Me and Jjong have been friends since we could talk. He invited me here after I got kicked out of my job teaching at a fashion design school for sleeping with one of my students.”
Seeing the growing look of horror on Jinki’s face Kibum hastily expanded, “It’s not like it was some sick paedophilia shit, okay! I was only a training teacher, it was my first year there and he was a senior pupil. I wasn’t just fucking around, I mean… we were properly dating and it’s still really…”
He trailed off looking at his hands, with his head hung in shame. Jinki couldn’t help but feel sorry for the delicate-looking boy who was examining his nail beds self-consciously. Even if he did have a bit of a sharp tongue, there was an underlying softness in Kibum’s eyes and in his words. Jinki found himself really hoping that Kibum wasn’t
heartbroken over this younger guy, because really, someone as gorgeous as Kibum should never ever have to frown- although that would probably have looked perfect on his face too. Catching Kibum’s eye when he finally looked up, Jinki gave him a trademark 100 watt smile and Kibum started talking again.
“So, now that we know each other’s life stories, you should come with me for my show. You can help Tae with the song switchovers and he’ll teach you about how to set up the microphones and how to brew my coffee properly. And then later on, you can head down to Jonghyun’s office and sit in while he gives his show. You might want to take pen with you, because you’ll want to take notes. Jonghyun delivers one hell of a radio show. Oh! And don’t be upset if Minho doesn’t ask you to help out at all with his one… he’s just… he prefers to be independent.”
And with that, Kibum dragged the unfortunate Lee Jinki off to experience his first day on board a sea-bound radio station/ madhouse.
Over the next few weeks, Jinki was quickly accepted into the strange band of men on board Radio Rock. He especially enjoyed listening to Jonghyun give his show, he found that whatever Jonghyun played he seemed to like, even though prior to this experience he had not been a fan of music at all. The other had quickly discovered that Jinki was not only not suitable to be a music show host; he was also not able to name any of the songs in the charts currently. With this knowledge, the others grudgingly accepted that they would have to share the hours of air time between them all until Jinki was sufficiently ‘trained’.
To make up for his short comings as a radio host Jinki quickly took on the role of maid (of which he was less than satisfied with, but he felt obliged to do). This job involved the obvious cleaning of the bedrooms, offices, kitchen (with help from Kibum), lounge area and also the disgusting toilet facilities. The job also entailed waking up the youngest member of the gang, Taemin, in the mornings. This task had proven more challenging and unpleasant than any of the others had all together. For a start, the youngest man was an unbelievably heavy sleeper. He took a good 5 minutes of shaking and gentle prodding from Jinki. Then, he had to be threatened with a cold glass of water over his head before he would even stir. After that Jinki would have to push and pull him into a sitting position over and over and over until Taemin finally slumped into a vaguely upright position. Then, he had to be escorted from the bedroom to the communal shower room, where Jinki quickly learned he must be supervised; otherwise he had a tendency to sneak back into bed. Then there followed several hours of chores for Jinki while Kibum and Minho coached Taemin with school work that they picked up occasionally when they came to port. This work was not going to be officially sent to any school and he would not have to sit any exams, but both Jonghyun and Kibum had decided that Taemin- who had come to the boat when he was just 14- must be at least basically educated. While these lessons were going on, Jonghyun would abuse his privileges as the ‘main host’, and usually stayed in bed until half an hour before his show was due to start.
Jinki would wake him up everyday too, although he didn’t know that Jonghyun was usually already awake when he came to rouse him, pressed into his pillow and watching the clock with a secretive grin. Then he would bury his head under the blankets again and fake slumber until Jinki gently pulled him out of bed and half carried him to bathroom.
Jonghyun had decided that Jinki had to learn about music, and fast, and the best way for him to do this it seemed, was to listen to every track Jonghyun could get his hands on for him to hear. So, after his daily chores, Jinki would be most content to sit next to opposite Jonghyun while the shorter man was on air, and pass him stuff, make him coffee, engage in thumb wars and occasionally be forced into massaging the younger man’s shoulders.
One day, Jonghyun announced that it was national naked day, and as he was in no position to Google it or validate this proclamation in any way, Jinki somehow found himself sitting opposite a naked Jonghyun who was playing clichéd Muse tracks and clearly restraining himself from dancing.
“Look if you want to dance, just dance.”
Jonghyun who’s voice was still being broadcast to the entire UK did not verbally respond, instead writing his reply on a white board that he had found for use when Jinki was ‘working’ with him.
‘I would baby but the last time you saw my cock when we were in the showers you did a crap in your pants.” The whiteboard read.
Blushing slightly Jinki hastily replied, “What, what I don’t even, just, Jonghyun that doesn’t even make sense who wears pants in the shower I was naked too and I did NOT freak out… at all.”
Jonghyun decides to be an even more annoying douche than before, by drawing a small cartoon of the events of that fateful day, allowing himself a few extra inches and drawing so many blush lines on Jinki’s face that Jinki thinks of reaching over and thumping him, but then, he would have to stand up for that. And Jonghyun would see everything. What’s more, he would probably see Jonghyun and crap his pants, he thought ironically. Then he remembered that again, as in the shower, one does not wear pants while hosting a naked radio show.
“Do you have any good reason for us to be doing this anyway?”
Switching off the microphone for a couple of minutes, Jonghyun looked up from his artistic masterpiece briefly and fix Jinki in a serious look.
“Because baby, the girls love it.”
“Really? The girls love it. That’s just… how would they even know if you actually are naked?”
“Listen, they can just tell ok?”
Jinki looked at him sceptically
“And sometimes I take a picture of myself and post it on the radio’s twitter too.”
“You w-what!? Jonghyun that’s hundreds, no! Thousands of people looking at you on some shitty social networking site! I don’t think it’s a good idea and- hey… how do you even get on twitter in the first place?”
“Using a computer…?”
“You have a computer here!? YOU HAVE INTERNET HERE!? Why didn’t you tell me sooner!?”
“Look shut up and I’ll explain after the show for today is done, trust me, when I’m naked the ratings we get for the show go through the roof.”
“Then why don’t you just do it naked all the time!?”
“Shh!”
“And that doesn’t explain why I have to be naked too.” Then Jonghyun silenced the spluttering Jinki with a foot to his mouth.
Jinki found that his concentration abilities depleted greatly when in the same room as Jonghyun. He could watch the younger man indefinitely, while Jonghyun crooned along to songs sung by wistful, love-struck men, and he was always amazed by how completely involved Jonghyun could get in the music. Then, with a lazy smile, Jonghyun would fade out the gorgeous melodies and replace them with his own loud, boisterous introduction speech, which would jerk Jinki back to earth, and to his senses.
“Hello! You are listening to Radio Rock! Where I am the COUNT JONGYULA and I’m COUNTIN’ ON YOU as we COUNT DOWN to ECSTASY.”
“I really find it alarming when you do that.”
“Sorry baby, but it can’t be helped” said Jonghyun, switching the mic off temporarily to talk to Jinki.
Oh and that was another thing. Recently, Jonghyun had taken to addressing Jinki as “Baby”, which Jinki found disconcerting to say the least. He also found it harder to ignore his racing heart every time the pet-name was dropped from Jonghyun’s lips.
Jinki sighed and spun around in his swivel-chair.
“You look huffy. What’s wrong?” asked Jonghyun as he drew cartoon jellyfish and starfish on an old album cover.
“Nothing’s wrong, Jonghyun. I’m fine.” Jinki said in what he seemed to think was a convincing tone.
“You look like someone ate your dinner without permission and left you all hungry and whiny again… It wasn’t Minho was it? That little brat’s been getting up my nose recent-”
“Jjong he didn’t steal my food, he-”
“But he did do something?”
“No- well… yeah kinda.”
Jonghyun looked at Jinki worriedly and then reluctantly pulled his earphones back up and switched the mic on again. Ten minutes into the second half of the show he wrote on the mini white board ‘We’re going to talk after this, okay?’
“But it’s really nothing Jjong, you don’t have to worry about it-”
Jonghyun had guided Jinki out of his office down a tiny cramped hallway into the younger man’s room and was standing facing him, waiting for Jinki to explain his troubles with a worried look on his face.
“Jinki you know if there’s anything wrong or anyone’s bothering you or you’re just in a shitty mood you can like, come over to see me… I... I you know, I worry that, like, do you even… like it here? I know we’re all arrogant bastards and we’re not the most welcoming guys ever, and sometimes we’re grumpy and steal your food, or refuse to get out of bed-”
“O-of course I do!” Spluttered Jinki. “Of course I do… like it here.”
“Really? You don’t wish you were at home in a warm house, spending the work up to Christmas with like… your family… your friends?”
“I… no. Jonghyun, it’s nice here.”
Jonghyun watch him, as if looking for a sign that the older boy was joking.
“I like it here. Really. I really really like it here. With you.”
Jonghyun’s eyes only widened a tiny bit but Jinki still amended his words to “With all of you. Kibum, Taemin, and you. Even Minho.” He said laughing quietly to cover the uncomfortable feeling growing in his stomach as he noticed Jonghyun moving subtly closer.
Jonghyun opened his mouth to say something and, panicking, Jinki blurted out, “It’s just that Minho spoke to me earlier about Kibum, and umm, me.”
“Kibum… and you?” Jonghyun said raising his eyebrow.
“Yeah. Minho says… that I should give Kibum some space. He thought, he told me that since I moved in with Kibum and I’ve been helping him clean up and cook sometimes, he thinks Kibum’s getting tired of having me around. And that I should back off. He was really mad, Kibum must have said something to him about me, it’s probably about the Taemin thing-d”
“There’s a Taemin thing?”
“Yeah, actually, yesterday I was sitting with Kibum and Taemin while he did his school work, since Minho was on the phone to his mother, and I’m pretty good at math. But then when Minho turned up he told me to get out of his fucking seat-”
“He said what now?”
“He was just being diplomatic you know, getting rid of me so that Kibum wouldn’t have to do it himself-”
“Doesn’t sound very diplomatic to me.”
“Well it doesn’t matter anyway, I’m fine, I’m just gonna sleep in the lounge tonight, there’s a book I want to finish and Kibum can’t sleep if I keep the lights on anyway-”
“Jinki, stop it. Minho’s a rude asshole. You know this has got fuck all to do with you? Minho is… protective over Kibum. There are things between them.”
“What things? Jinki asked, folding his arms.
“Just… look. If you want to know all about this stuff, then the only person you can ask is Kibum. Or Minho, but I highly doubt he’s gonna be too forthcoming with details about it since right now he thinks you’re his competition or something-”
“Did you just say competition?”
“No, no-“
“Jong-“
“What? And stop calling me Jong, it’s not manly enough. I’m in charge around here, you should respect me.” Jonghyun said grinning and poking Jinki in the stomach.
“Lee Jinki respect you? How about a little respect for me? I’m older after all…”
“I don’t give a crap.”
“Hey!”
“Look. Ok. I respect you Jinki.”
Then moving forward to cup Jinki’s face in his palms, he leaned in close to the older boy and muttered “I respect you a whole fucking lot”.
Then he left a dazed Jinki standing in the bedroom, staring at the messed up blanket on Jonghyun’s bed. Shakily, Jinki straightened the sheets and plumped the pillow, resisting the urge to inhale Jonghyun’s scent.
“So then she was all like ‘no freaking way did you just rip my new Gucci dress!’ and so I was all ‘ sorry bitch, but that dress was almost as fugly as your face and then- …Are you even listening to me Jinki?”
Jinki, who had been nodding off to sleep whilst he curled up on Kibum’s bunk talking to him, or whilst Kibum talked at him, blinked his eyes rapidly and smiled hopefully up at the younger boy.
“Yeah, you found your handbag in the shower room eventually-“
“That was a completely separate story!”
“I’m sure you were just telling me about it-“
“Actually I was just telling you about this skank who used to get on my nerves in high school-“
“Sorry Bum, I’m just really sleepy right now.”
Kibum’s eyes softened and he smiled gently. “It’s fine Jinki. Sorry for being such a chatterbox…” he said as he moved forward to pat Jinki’s cheek and then settle down against his side, linking their elbows companionably. “You wanna snuggle up here with me and sleep while I watch Gossip Girl?”
Nodding drowsily Jinki didn’t bother to reply, instead letting himself slip deeper under the expensive blankets, burrowing his nose into Kibum’s soft hair. Kibum sighed contentedly and reached for his laptop, settling into Jinki more comfortably and enjoying the warm feel of the older man’s chest.
Jinki feel asleep almost immediately, with his dreams full of images of Jonghyun, the sound of Jonghyun’s voice, not his talking voice, his singing voice… it was divine… Jinki wanted to listen to it for ever. Through the haze of his sleep he could make out Kibum’s face in front of him. The boy was swathed in a kind of dark bluey-green substance- water, he was underwater, very very deep, and his mouth was wide open, like when he was talking.
Expect… except Jinki could tell that he wasn’t trying to talk… he was trying to scream. But no-one could hear him. He was watching Kibum drown and he was helpless to stop him, and he quickly found that he was drowning to! Chained up to the boat which was wrecked on the sea-bed, thrashing around against the awfully heavy press of the thousands of tonnes of water, and he watched horrified as Taemin and Minho’s figures loomed out of the shadowy water, also trapped and terrified. In a desperate attempt to free himself as his lungs started to scream desperately for air, he pulled violently at the chains around his waist, and somehow propelled himself in a circle,and in his head he could hear the scream that came out silent from his mouth as he became
face to face with Jonghyun. The boy before him had nothing of his usual life or colour. The his mouth was hanging loosely open; his lips were an awful blue colour, his skin looked gaunt and stretched across his bones grotesquely, and his eyes. The eyes stared ahead unseeingly, never blinking, searing deep into Jinki’s soul.
He was dead.
But just as soon as Jinki had fallen asleep, he awoke to find himself still safely nestled in Kibum’s bed, and not chained to a shipwreck at the bottom of the ocean.
Finding the darkness of the room too dark for his eyes to adjust to, he froze quickly upon hearing the sound of someone’s hushed voice.
“I fucking trusted you, and I come in here to find this shit sleeping in bed right next to you? You must think I’m pretty stupid Kibum-“
“Shh please don’t-“
“Wake him up? Yeah sorry, wouldn’t want to ruin your little moment together. Guess I should leave now so that you two can hold each other while you fall asleep and make sweet love when you wake up tomorrow-“
“Fuck off Minho”
Jinki forced himself to keep still as the voices became fractionally louder.
“Fine, Kibum. Fine.”
“No- Minho, ugh. You know what I mean-”
“No I don’t. I don’t understand anything you do these days.” Then Jinki heard the sound of the cabin door clicking closed, and he knew that he and Kibum were alone. All was silent for a couple of minutes whilst Jinki concentrated on keeping his breathing level and resisting the urge to scratch his cheek before Kibum spoke finally spoke.
“You’re awake, aren’t you.” The blonde boy crawled across the bunk towards Jinki’s ‘sleeping’ form, and lay down next to him, staring into his open eyes. “Sorry about that.”
“It’s fine Kibum I-“
“It’s not fine Jinki. He’s being a dick and we all know it. Even him.”
Jinki whispered into the darkness “Look I don’t want to come between you and Minho, I just got here and you guys don’t even know me yet, I can go sleep on the couch, call him back in here-“
“Don’t be stupid Jinki. Things will be fine between us. He just doesn’t like other people being near me. He doesn’t… understand that I can have friends that I love, and care about, but I don’t want to fuck them. So he has to learn. Right?”
Jinki nodded slowly.
“You’re lovely, Jinki. Don’t worry. About anything, ok?”
Slowly letting out a breath, he patted Kibum’s cheek fondly.
“You’re kind of like a mom.”
“What?” said Kibum raising an eyebrow.
“You. You’re kind of like a mom. You always look after us all, and cook for us. And tell us not to worry. You even have a pink apron-“
“Ok that’s enough from you smart guy, go back to sleep before I make you.”
“But-“
“And no buts.”
“Fine, but that’s something a mom would say too.”
“Silence!” Then Kibum turned around and settled himself into Jinki’s chest, comfortably spooning and ignoring the older boy.
The next morning Jinki woke up face to face with a grinning Taemin telling him he had slept in until 3.30 pm and Jonghyun was going spare looking for him before it was time for his 4 o’clock show.
“Why didn’t Kibum wake me up then… and shouldn’t you be studying, Tae?”
“Of course not, don’t you know what day it is?”
“…umm… I think it’s Wednesday?”
“No you idiot! Well. I mean, yeah it is Wednesday, but it’s also December first! The start of advent!” Jinki’s questioning look implored Taemin to expand on his statement. “On December the first my winter vacation from lessons starts, so I can sleep in as long as I want… actually I’m, sort of impressed. No-one’s ever slept in as late as me on December first before. Oh, and Kibum’s busy decorating the boat with these awful neon purple Christmas trees we always have. He really get’s into the Christmas spirit.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, so you have to get up and dressed like now, or Jonghyun’s probably gonna cry.”
“What does he even need me around for” Jinki grumbled as he slid grumpily out of Kibum’s bunk and onto the soft mohair rug.
“He says having you around helps him concentrate, but I don’t think that’s really what it is.”
“You don’t?” Jinki said sarcastically, thinking of all the time the two of them spent goofing off with each other instead of concentrating on the show. The other day they had constructed a pile of four hundred and fifty-three paper stars, then used them to replace the stuffing of Minho’s pillow.
“Actually, I think having you around just makes him happy. And when he’s happy, he always does a good show. And when he does a good show, we get better ratings, and when we get better ratings we can all relax and enjoy Christmas together instead of having to give up and go back to our separate homes, like last year.” Taemin leaned against the door leisurely as Jinki listened to him, sliding on his jeans over a pair of his boxers. “Dude, you didn’t even take off the boxers you slept in. Aren’t you going to change your underwear?”
“Not in front of a twelve year old I’m not.”
“I’m seventeen! I’m practically a mature adult!”
“Yeah yeah... and what were you saying about this time last year?”
“Oh yeah… Jonghyun… he went through a kind of depressed stage. He played a lot of really emo-y shit on his show and we lost a big chunk of our following. We almost had to close down the station and go back to port. But he got over it. Kibum helped him. And now you’re helping him! But seriously you better fucking run right now or he’s gonna do something drastic.”
“Right, ok then, thanks for waking me up!” Jinki smiled at Taemin then exited the cabin and made his way briskly down the hall in the direction of Jonghyun’s office before turning a corner and crashing straight into the man himself.
“Where the hell have you been! Oh never mind, just get in the fucking room. You missed breakfast AND lunch, Kibum’s gonna go fucking crazy at you.” Jinki smiled because he knew it wasn’t true, and let Jonghyun drag him into the office.
Today was a special show according to Jonghyun, although Jinki secretly found every moment Jonghyun was on the air, (and off it for that matter) pretty damn special, and so he wanted to record Jinki’s voice too, and introduce him to their fans and to their world.
“Ok, so as I’m sure most of you already know due to key keeping you all posted with our movements on his twitter, Radio Rock has a new crew member! Onew!” shouted Jonghyun into the microphone.
‘Onew?’ Jinki mouthed at Jonghyun confusedly as Jonghyun thrust a microphone stand into his hands and planted a set of head phones squint on top of his head.
“He’s here with me right now, practicing for when he can do his own show for you guys! And I promise you he will not disappoint! Without further ado, I introduce to all you sexy sexy people out there, the one, the only, the magnificent, Lee Jinki/ Onew!” Jinki wanted to glare at Jonghyun, he really did, but the only thing that would come out was his usual ridiculously happy grin. Even as Jonghyun pushed the microphone into his face roughly and smacked the thing straight into his teeth, which totally hurt by the way, and forced him to say hi to everyone, he could only smile into the other’s eyes and comply shyly.
Later they all ate dinner in the lounge room, chicken pot pie and caramel yogurts went down much better than Jinki would ever have thought, and Taemin danced for them all, Jinki thought he was surprisingly good, but then he thought about it some more and realised it shouldn’t have come as a shock to him that Taemin was a dancer. The boy always moved with such grace and elegance.
Then Kibum joined him and the two of them started a slow, lazy dance, which the others all watched with sleepy hooded eyes before Minho took Kibum and Taemin off to their respective beds.
With his head propped up on a cushion and his legs resting across Jonghyun’s stomach, Jinki felt unbelievably comfortable and contented. However there was still niggling twinge of worry in the back of his mind every time he thought back to the dream he had experienced the previous night.
They continued in their comfortable routine of lazy mornings and warm evenings, Kibum and Taemin especially loved the build up to Christmas and had been forcing them to watch festive Christmas films and eat nothing but home-made cakes and pastries, so everyone else was enjoying it, and no-one was threatening him anymore, but Jinki started to feel rather detached from the rest of the group. Every night since his nightmare he would sink into sleep calmly, but soon enough become engulfed in the dream again. It had gotten to the stage where he was waking up in a cold sweat with Kibum leaning over him trying to calm him down, “You were shouting Jonghyun’s name in your sleep honey… hey, it’s ok, just relax, I’m here now”. Jinki was thankful that the younger boy never mentioned his troubled sleep pattern to anyone else, but he found himself jittery and frightened to go to sleep, and the later into the evenings it got, the more worried he would become.
It all came to a head on Christmas Eve.
Jinki and Jonghyun were lying on a couch in the lounge area, Jinki pressed up against Jonghyun’s chest, trying not to seem tense and nervous, but every time he felt his eyelids drooping he jolted and felt goosebumps pass up and down his arms. Jonghyun slid his arms slowly around his waist, nuzzled closer into Jinki and whispered, “You’re like my girlfriend” in Jinki’s ear.
“I’m what!?” exclaimed Jinki, trying to turn around but unable to due to the Jonghyun stuck to his back.
“You’re like my girlfriend baby...” Jonghyun’s grin was audible in his voice. “You wake me up in the morning, clean for me, help me with my work, entertain me when I’m bored and you’re pretty touchy-feely. This position is intimate even for a couple, Jinki-“
“You’re the one who always initiates the touching! I just go along with it! And you’re the one who wanted me to sit next to you so that you wouldn’t get cold, then you ended up getting all cuddly with me. AND I’m not a girl.”
“Yeah, but in our relationship, you’re the female.”
“We’re not even in a relationship Jonghyun-“
“But you admit that if we were you’d be the female?”
“What? No, Jonghyun, I’m not having this conversation with you.” Jinki said trying to pull his face away from Jonghyun’s hand which was stroking his jaw sensually.
“Why not…” Jonghyun said rubbing his palm across Jinki’s stomach.
“Because… ugh. It’s awkward… and just… Jonghyun stop it.”
“Stop what-“
“Stop fiddling with my belly button.”
“But you have an outy! I’ve never met anyone with an outy before...” Jonghyun said swivelling Jinki’s torso around to face him better and yanking his shirt up to his armpits, before leaning closer to peer at the older man’s stomach, ignoring Jinki’s struggles and keeping his hands held above his head in a tight grip.
“Jonghyun stop it! Stop it right now!
“You know Jinki, you probably shouldn’t eat so much all time, you’re getting kind of chubby-“
“I’m not!” wailed Jinki miserably, wrenching his hands free and pushing Jonghyun unceremoniously onto the floor, standing up quickly and pressing past the younger boy out of the way in an attempt to storm out of the room.
“Hey, Jinki, wait!” Jonghyun lurched up into a standing position and grabbed his arm, turning him around and looking at him worriedly. “Jinki what’s wrong with you tonight?”
“What’s wrong with me? Nothing. I’m fine.”
“ You’re clearly not fine-“
“Oh, so I’m not allowed to be pissed when my supposed best friend says he thinks I’m getting fat. When I’m not.”
“Jinki, I know that’s not why you’re annoyed, you’ve been weird all day, earlier during the show-“
“The show was fine!”
“You kept spacing out on me!”
“I’m just tired-“
“Fuck off, you slept for like 12 hours last night.”
“Yeah, well I feel like I slept for about 2.”
“You gonna tell me the real reason you’re upset with me today or should I just let you lie to me and run off to Kibum.”
“This has fuck all to do with Kibum so I don’t know why you’re bringing him into it-“ Jinki said, his voice raising along with his temper.
“You and Kibum sleep in the same fucking bed, but you go crazy when I so much as touch you. If you don’t want me around you could just say so instead of being an asshole-“
“Jonghyun-“
“Is that it? Minho was right I guess, you do have a thing about Kibum. Well don’t let me interrupt you-“
“Look, I had a bad dream last night!”
Jonghyun went quiet, raising his eyebrows and folding his arms.
“You had a bad dream.” He repeated darkly.
“…Yes.”
“I’m sorry I ever fucking tried to get close to you, you’re a shitty liar Jinki. Kind of a shitty friend too.” He spoke with a horrible calmness in his voice that frightened Jinki and then after staring at him blankly for a few seconds, he turned on his heel and walked off through the kitchen in the direction of the deck.
Jinki wandered aimlessly in the opposite direction from Jonghyun thinking that it wasn’t very fair that the other boy didn’t believe him, and wondering how the situation had gone from peachy to completely fucked within the space of five minutes. The more he thought about it the guiltier he felt. In a lot of ways, it was all his fault. Jonghyun had teased him about being chubby before but he had never gotten angry before, and he knew that Jonghyun was only teasing, because he had also complimented Jinki about his body a lot.
And he had been kind of weird all day, but that dream had really spooked him. And the look Jonghyun had given him had only been a painful reminder of the haunting image from the nightmare.
Jonghyun’s lifeless face kept swimming to the surface of his mind whenever he let stopped concentrating on something else, and it was really starting to creep him out. He figured he just needed to de-stress himself and take a hot then go to bed. Hopefully he’d feel better in the morning.
He made his way into the communal shower room and picked up a fluffy white towel that he had washed himself with Kibum two nights ago. He carried his towel over to the large mirror which was permanently fogged up due to the humidity of the room and wiped a section clear with his palm. His face looked paler than usual, even though the room was warm, and his lips were puffed and swollen from being chewed on nervously. He gave himself a bracing grin that came out like a grimace, and quickly undressed himself and left his clothes folded in the linen cupboard to keep them warm, before making his way into the shower at the end of the room which he knew had that hottest water supply, and a partial door.
He draped his towel over the door and turned his back to the room, switching on the shower and stepping into it without waiting for it to get hot. He enjoyed the sensation of his goosebumps being washed away in a few quick seconds after the water started to warm his skin. He reached his hand up and dragged it through his hair squeezing the water through his fingers and letting it trickle over his face. He closed his eyes, leaning back against the cool tile wall and let out a deep sigh, relaxing his shoulders and allowing the hot pulse of the water to massage the aches out of his muscles and his bones. Then reaching for a bottle of shampoo that Kibum kept there at all times, he washed his hair twice thoroughly, encasing himself in the scent of guava fruits and letting all of the soap run off his body, massaging the foaming bubbles into the muscles of his legs and let himself sink slowly to the ground, and sat holding his knees to his chest.
He felt even less important than we he had come here. Before all this… he had been no-one. He didn’t know what he wanted to do, or he did, but he knew it would never happen. But now, it was like he was not only not good enough for normal society, but he had also failed to be good enough for this group of complete misfits. He had thought that he might be able to find himself here. But now he was even more confused than ever.
He was angry, at Minho, and Jonghyun. He was angry at Kibum for not telling him everything. He was angry at himself for being hard on Jonghyun, and for fucking everything up between them over a complete misunderstanding.
He was angry at his life, for not being how he wanted it, not being born naturally confident and charismatic, he was angry about having a shit mother, and a father who had disappeared of the face of the earth as soon as he was born.
He breathed in and out deeply, and then stood to turn off the shower. The soap slipped out of his hand in his wet grip, so he bent over to pick it up, and almost didn’t hear the sharp intake of breath coming from behind him.
He froze, at first thinking he was being observed by some voyeur, probably Jonghyun, but then he recognised the voice of Minho muttering “Kibum, Kibum, Kibum…” under his breath, and the small gasps and whimpers that Kibum was making in return. Keeping low to the ground, he padded slowly forward jumping a little when he heard the sound of bodies smacking against the tiled wall. A loud moan from Minho was interrupted by the sound of a shower being switched on, Jinki still trying to remain as silent as possible as he crouched next to the small dividing door, and pushed it open a slither, still not completely certain about what he thought was going on in the room.
The sight that met his eyes left him in no doubt at all.
Minho had Kibum pinned up against the wall, both of them getting drenched by the hot shower that was coursing over their bodies. Kibum was almost completely naked save for a pair of soaked white boxer shorts that Jinki could catch glimpses of as Minho’s hand roughly cupped and stroked him through the wet fabric. Minho still had his jeans on and was removing a black cotton shirt with lots of assistance from Kibum, who’s legs were quaking and sliding on the slippery floor. Throwing his wet shirt into the corner of the room, Minho bent his neck to press Kibum and his’ foreheads together and slid his arms up the older man’s slippery thighs, dragging the wet underwear down Kibum’s legs and chucking the garment to join the discarded shirt in the corner, then he cupped the older man’s ass, hitching his body further up the wall and guiding Kibum’s long legs to wrap around his waist. The now fully naked Kibum moaned his approval of the younger man’s actions, as Minho rocked his clothed hips into his naked and pulsing cock.
Minho’s hand slid down Kibum’s arm to take his hand and clasp it tight, stretching their arms out flat against the wall and with his other hand he stroked Kibum’s waist and then trailed his hand up to his face, cupping his cheek gently, brushing their noses together, smiling against the other boys lips. They kissed differently, almost like they were slightly shy of each other, grinning into each other’s mouths all stuttered breaths, whimpered moans and encouraging whispers into Minho’s ear as the tallest boy dropped his head down onto Kibum’s shoulder and reached his hands down to undo his pants. Kibum looked up into the light with an ecstatic blush across his cheeks and his mouth parted silently, and every time Minho’s hands brushed against his cock he would purse his lips and moan in the most blissful way. Minho tugged his pants down just enough to release his cock and guided Kibum’s hand to take it, moving it up and down his length, biting down on the shoulder of the beautiful boy pressed against him.
“You feel so good…” Minho moaned into Kibum’s neck, and the other boy nodded silently, his legs quivering and clenching around Minho’s waist.
“Minho, Minho… Minho please-“Kibum brought his hand up from Minho’s cock to tilt the younger man’s face towards him. Minho panted harshly, his hot breath landing on Kibum’s bow-lips and ghosting over his cheeks as Kibum choked out “p-please… I want you inside me.”
They stared at each other for a few seconds, Kibum shaking in anticipation as their naked torsos pressed together. Then Minho nodded and kissed Kibum’s cheek, sliding an hand across his hip bone and hooking it under his thing, pressing it up against the wall and groaning as the tip of his cock dragged across Kibum’s twitching hole. Kibum reach a hand down between them to align Minho with his entrance and pressed himself downward. Minho let Kibum ease him in part of the way with his hand, then he stilled and held the other boy’s hand tightly, watching the feelings flashing through Kibum’s eyes. Kibum had Minho’s hair in a tight grip and his eyes fixed on a spot over Minho’s shoulder.
“You’re supposed to let me prepare you baby-“
“Just shut up!” Kibum choked out through firmly pressed lips. Letting out a gasp of pain he rolled his hips against Minho, allowing the boy to push further into him, the sliding stretching sensation causing his eyes to fill with tears as he groaned out of pain this time. Minho stroked at his stomach, trying to un-tense the muscles, and get Kibum to relax a little, but Kibum merely took both of his hands in a vice-grip and closed his eyes, beginning to rock his hips down onto the taller boy as he knew the pain would get better if he could find his prostate.
“Bum… It’s fine if you want to stop, we can go back to my room and mess around for a while” Minho tried to keep his voice steady as the older boy rocked himself down determinedly, “Kibum, stop please, you’re going to tear yourself-“his voice cracking, he whimpered at the tight perfection of Kibum surrounding him, trying to hold Kibum still, or calm him, but then Kibum whined loudly and his eyes flew open staring at Minho in ecstasy.
“Ugh that felt good, Minho please fuck me, please please, I love you Minho, you feel amazing-“
“Jesus fucking Christ.” Minho whimpered as Kibum took hold of his ass and pulled him in, they both seemed to blend into one person then, the push and the pull of their bodies was seamless, and Jinki felt disgusting looking in on their love scene.
Then there was nothing he could do but wait for them to finish, he stopped watching them quickly and huddled up in the corner of the shower, guilt pulsing through him every time Kibum whimpered into the steamy air. He had started to get cold even though the room was still warm, and his legs were hurting by the time they finally left the room, Minho half supporting Kibum, who was walking gingerly, but looked utterly blissful. He quickly got up and fetched his clothes only bothering to put on his underwear and a t-shirt before making his way back to his shared cabin.
Kibum had come into the room about half an hour after Jinki had settled onto his bed to listen to some playlist Jonghyun had made him on his iPod, Jinki thought about ignoring him and just going to sleep since it was about two am at this stage, but decided he really did want to talk to Kibum, even if looking at him still made him feel see-through and guilty.
“Is Minho the guy you were in love with when you worked at that school?”
Kibum seemed taken aback and slightly embarrassed, but answered timidly, “Yes.”
“Then I think I’m going to start sharing a room with Jonghyun. Minho… He really loves you. I don’t think you, or I should fuck with that.”
“Well that’s sweet of you Jinki but to be honest, I’m not sure he’s going to want to share a room with you right now… he seems… angry. You can just stay here for the night-”
“I’m going to talk to him now actually. I’m pretty sure he’s going to forgive me.”
Kibum looked at him suspiciously and fiddled with a strand of his hair; tucking it behind his ear, smoothing it down, fluffing it, repeat. “Jinki… what exactly is it you did that you need him to forgive you for?”
“Nothing. That’s why he’s going to forgive me.” Jinki said confidently.
“Ok now you’re just being extremely cryptic and confusing me. If you didn’t do anything then why is Jonghyun upset?”
“Because he’s being jealous and angry about me and you being together.” Kibum raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth to speak, “I mean not that we are together! It’s just that he thinks we’re fucking and doesn’t like it. He’s pretty much my Minho.”
“…What? You and Jonghyun had a thing before you guys came here!?”
“No-“
“Jesus Christ, no-one tells me anything around here!”
“I mean that Minho is possessive and angry about me because he thinks you’re cheating on me… or he just needs an excuse to hate anyone who infiltrates in his territory.”
“Please speak in smaller words Jinki, it’s twenty past two.”
“Sorry. What I’m trying to say is that Minho doesn’t like it when other people get too close to you, especially if he doesn’t know them well, and on some level he knows fine well that you don’t have feelings any for me, but if he acts like he suspects you do, that gives him an excuse to be angry and mean to me. And Jonghyun is kind of like my Minho in that he gets annoyed that we’re pretty close friends because he wants me to be his girlfriend.”
“…His what.”
“His boyfriend.”
“You said girlfriend!”
“I said nothing! Now shut up talking Kibum, I’ve got to go win back Jonghyun’s heart.”
“That was cheesy and clichéd, I hope that’s not your opening line for Jonghyun, ‘I’m here to win back your heart’.”
“Of course it isn’t! But he loves cheesy things like that so it would probably work a treat-“
“Oh God, now I’ve put ideas into your head, you should go now. And don’t come back until at least five am. Or at all.”
“Is that because you want me and Jonghyun to have a long time to talk everything out or because you want to invite Minho over here while I’m gone-“
“Be quiet you!”
“Fine, just please don’t do anything on my bed-“
“I’m going to, just to be mean.” Kibum said with a smile. Jinki narrowed his eyes at him and pointed his finger at the younger boy dramatically, exiting the room backwards and only tripping over the small step a little bit.
He found Jonghyun on the top deck of the boat, wrapped in several jumpers, leaning against the railing, watching the dark waters lap at the sides of the vessel. He looked more than a little bit pathetic.
Realising that Jonghyun hadn’t noticed his arrival Jinki crept up behind him and the engulfed him in a bear hug, tucking his head over Jonghyun’s shoulder, breathing in the scent of his neck.
“I’m really sorry. For being weird and grumpy these past couple of weeks. I… I really did have a bad dream. I dreamt that the boat sank and we were all drowning. The others were still alive and fighting their way out of the wreckage, but you… You were just floating there behind me. And I like you much better alive Jonghyun, really” Jinki’s voice cracked and he tried to ignore the prickle behind his eyes as he carried on. “And I keep having that same dream every night now, it’s really screwing me up and I don’t know what to do about it, but I really really like you… Jonghyun, I would never… cheat on you. I mean, I know we’re not technically in a relationship but I honestly have no romantic feelings for Kibum, I’m too… I’m too in love with you. Don’t you trust me?”
“What is this, Titanic?”
“What-“
“Holding me over a railing of a boat, asking me if I trust you.”
“Oh god, why does everything I do screw up-“
“It’s not screwed up Jinki. I get it. And I’m sorry too. I’m a stupid jealous bastard and I get too attached too fast.”
“I like it that you get attached quickly… It’s nice having you attached to me.”
“…Was that supposed to be innuendo or something? Seriously, I feel that someone should inform you about half of the time the rest of the people in the world have no idea what you’re on about Lee Jinki” Jonghyun said turning around to face Jinki. “It’s below freezing. Why are you out here in a t-shirt and boxer shorts.”
“I don’t think before I do things.”
“Clearly” Jonghyun said before finally, finally kissing him.
About ten minutes later when Jinki’s feet had started to turn blue and Jonghyun’s jumpers just weren’t keeping both of them warm enough, Jonghyun pulled his lips away gently, resting his forehead against Jinki’s.
“This isn’t right for Titanic anyway. It’s sunset in the scene in the movie.”
“We can wait for the sunrise if you like.” Said Jinki, smiling fondly.
“Or we could go back to my cabin and get warmed up there…”
Jinki grinned, taking Jonghyun’s hand and leading him towards the stairs, “I warn you, I’m not the kind of guy who puts out on the first date!” To which Jonghyun did not answer with words, he merely punched him, then kissed it better.
And later, lying lazily in Jonghyun’s bed with a warm hand on his belly after he had totally just put out on the first date, Jinki was pleased to note to himself that he had a home, a family, dreams that were no longer plagued by terrifying images, and one big reason to live pressed into his side, kissing his neck.
“Merry Christmas Jinki.” Jonghyun muttered, and it was cheesy, but it was good.