Remember Me!?! THE END Chapter 34/34: Stupid Pabo [ENDING PART]

[shinetae]

Remember Me!?!
Chapter 34/34!!!!: Stupid Liar
Part One: Hurt Me
Part Two: When Superman Crashed [Crash and Burn]
Part Three: Stupid Pabo
Epilogue: Eggs
Couple: JongKey vs. MinKey
Genre: DRAMA, ANGST, Romance, TRIANGLE
Rated: PG15
Summary: Everything comes to an end. Even the hope of ever being able to love him again.
A/N: LAST CHAPTER!!!!!

                Kibum sighed softly as he fluffed the pillow under Jonghyun’s head, making sure he was comfortably tucked under the blankets. “Pabo…you’re such a big dummy, Jonghyunnie. How could you do something like that?” He whispered quietly, kneeling next to the bed again, gently pushing the hair from Jonghyun’s face again, and checking to see if the small fever he had contracted had died away yet. However, as he stared at the tear stains on the older man’s pink tinted cheeks, he couldn’t stop himself from swallowing nervously, thinking about his words shortly before the alcohol had taken affect on him.
“Th-there are some things in this world that some people shouldn’t know about, Bummie. Some things that no matter how stupid I realize I am for keeping from you and wanting to play the damned hero who keeps troubles from your mind….some secrets I won’t tell you. Some things I’m going to lie about forever-because I never want to see you cry like that. I never want to see it happen to you…”

Kibum held his breath for a long moment as he absentmindedly continued to play with Jonghyun’s bangs, thinking about his words over and over again. Knowing that there was some sort of secret that Jonghyun continued to lie about, even after he had opened up to everything else. What could possibly be so terrible that Jonghyun still wouldn’t tell him, even after all these years? Kibum sighed heavily, causing for Jonghyun’s hair to blow a little under his breath, as he simply held his hand.

“I wish you’d realize I’m an adult now too, Jjongie. I wish you would just tell me the truth already…” He said quietly, staring at Jonghyun’s face and running his fingers of his free hand absentmindedly over the older man’s face, feeling the familiar feeling of the other’s unguarded closeness for the first time in too long. “It worries me…I want you to stay here with us forever, Jjongie. With me and Minho. I want us three to be together forever. I don’t want to live without you…” He said quietly, as he ghosted his fingers over the other’s cheekbones gently.

Suddenly, however, the bright light from the kitchen suddenly spilled into the warm and dimly lit bedroom as the door was pushed opened hesitantly by an uncertain looking Minho.

“U-umn, Key…can you come here for a moment? There’s…something for you. Something that you should finally see.” Minho said quietly, poking his head into the bedroom slowly, looking a little uneasy as he spoke.

Kibum glanced back at him with a slightly confused expression on his face but nodded wordlessly, squeezing Jonghyun’s hand gently before standing up and walking over to the door, looking at Minho questioningly.

“Something for me? What is it?” Kibum finally asked, as he slipped out of the bedroom and shut the door so that the light from the kitchen and their voices would not wake Jonghyun.

Minho swallowed hesitantly before glancing back towards the small sitting area in the corner of the kitchen where they had a small loveseat and coffee table set up, looking at the old cardboard box that Onew had brought in earlier that evening.

“It’s there,” He spoke after a long minute, leading Kibum towards the box as he noticed the smaller man had taken his hand again. “Onew-hyung brought it in earlier when he was worried about Jonghyun. I…didn’t really look at it too much but...it’s from Jonghyun…I think that it’s rightfully yours. I don’t think he was ready to give it to you-or even that he was ever going to give it to you-but I think you need to know. I think…after all that’s happened…it’s only right that you know and finally receive it.” He said quietly, as Kibum looked at the box questioningly, curiosity only rising when he heard the uncertainty in Minho’s voice as he spoke.

“This box…?” Kibum asked quietly as he walked over to the aged cardboard box hesitantly, looking at it carefully as he approached it. “…it’s mine?” He asked again, glancing over his shoulder at Minho again.

Minho nodded slowly before giving him a soft smile, though it still seemed solemn to Kibum. “Mn. I didn’t look at it much…it’s just for you, only for you. I…think I should give you some time to receive it. I’m…going to go next door to Onew-hyung’s dorm…I think you should receive it alone. I’ll be next door if you need me.” He said quietly, thinking through his words as he spoke, looking at Kibum with soft eyes.

Kibum felt uneasy with Minho’s strange behavior, but couldn’t stop his curiosity as he glanced back down at the box set in front of him. There seemed to be a lot of papers in it from what he could see from under the partially closed lid, and they seemed to be organized in a strange and all-too-Jonghyunish way.

Kibum heard Minho slip out of the dorm and close the door behind him quietly, but didn’t take his eyes off of the box as he sat down slowly on the loveseat, opening up the lid of the old box hesitantly, moving slowly as he analyzed the box.

As he opened the lid, Kibum found the box to be completely full with neatly folded papers and small envelopes already equipped with stamps and proper posting preparations. Kibum swallowed hesitantly as he slowly reached down and picked up the small envelope in the beginning of the organized section, and looked over it.

Kibum nipped his lip as he looked at the stamps and writing in the left side of the envelope, finding who it was addressed to. Kim Kibum. At his family’s old home address in Seoul. However…what made his heart clench tightly in his chest wasn’t the address, but the date. By the looks of it…the letter had been turned back to the sending address (one Kibum thought he could recognize as Jonghyun’s aunt’s flower shop there in Daegu)…over four years ago. Over four years ago in late December…..two days after Jonghyun had left.

Kibum felt his heart quake a little as his fingers trembled over the seal on the letter, hesitantly peeling the old envelope open, the stickiness of the seal weakened with age. As he slowly pulled out the letter, he found himself unable to swallow as he looked down at Jonghyun’s recognizable handwriting.

Dear Kibummie,

Kibum, it’s me, Jonghyun. I’m on the train now…leaving Seoul on my way to Daegu…and I can’t stop tears from coming. You’re probably still at home, sleeping soundly in your bed, not aware of everything, sleeping cutely like you were when we fell asleep together last night…Kibummie…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for the way that I left you. It was weak…leaving you in the middle of the night last night…but…Kibummie, please don’t be mad at me. Please don’t be angry-because it was the only way I could have ever left your side. It was the only way I could leave, knowing that you were safely sleeping in your bed.

The train has been traveling for almost an hour now…and to be honest with you…I’m so scared. I’m really scared to move away to Daegu. I’ve spent my entire life always within walking distance from you, and I don’t know how I’m going to deal with only being able to talk to you and not see you. But don’t worry, okay? Jjongie’s going to work hard and earn a lot of money so that I can come back to Seoul and visit you soon, so don’t miss me yet! J We’re going to see each other soon, so don’t worry! I’ll call you tomorrow once Eomma and I get into our new home. Don’t be angry with me anymore.

Kibummie, promise me that you know that me leaving isn’t going to change a thing about how much I love you. I had no choice but to go to Daegu, though my heart will stay in Seoul with you. Eomma needs me now, honestly. She’s gotten very frail lately, and I worry about her. I need to stay with her and take care of her for now, but we’ll be able to visit each other again soon. I’ll be back at your doorstep soon, so don’t forget me, okay? J

I love you, Kibummie. I’ll be back with you soon, I promise you. I’ll call you as soon as I can, so have your mobile on you, okay? Really…I love you, Kibum. Love you love you love you! Until I can talk to you again….goodbye?...no, saying goodbye feels wrong. We’ll see each other again, so until then, I’ll just say “Bye-Bye”. I love you, Bummie! Call me, call me~~

Love you~~ ❤

-Jjongie ~^.^~

Kibum tried not to let his tears spill from his eyes and fall onto the aged letter as he read over its contents. “H-he…he tried….he tried to stay in contact with me…e-even after he left. He…he wanted to still be together…s-so…why was this letter returned?” He found himself whispering quietly, as he quickly glanced down at the box he was now holding in his lap, glancing over all of the letters quickly, now suddenly noticing that almost twenty of them had “returned-to-sender” stamped onto the envelope.

“Wh-why…?” Kibum found himself asking quickly, as he immediately grabbed another one he noticed was returned to Jonghyun again, this time not taking a second to open the envelope to find a considerably neater letter inside. However, this one was shorter.

Dear Bummie,

Bummie…? Kibummie…are you mad at me? Are you really angry with me? You haven’t returned any of my letters, and you haven’t answered any of my phone calls. I don’t know if you’re aware, but my number is even blocked from your mobile…. L I’m really sad, Bummie. I really didn’t mean to make you angry with me! I’m sorry, I swear! I’m so sorry that I left that way…I shouldn’t have! I regret it more than anything right now! I was weak then…so please try to forgive me! I lu~~~~ub you! I love you sooo much, Kibummie. I never wanted to hurt you. Please don’t be angry with me anymore! I’m really lonely, you know? Lonely without you here with me. Lonely without hearing your voice or getting a letter. Please forgive me. I’ve already even bought you a lot of cool stuff in Daegu since I’ve been here. Please forgive me so I can visit you and give them to you! I love you, please don’t be angry.

Love you love you ❤❤❤❤

~Yeobo Jonggie ^.^~

Kibum felt his throat suddenly become dry as he scanned Jonghyun’s message again and again, hardly believing the words that he was reading. What did he mean, that he called him and mailed him, and even tried his cellphone over and over!? Never once since the day that he had left had Jonghyun ever tried to do anything to contact him! Surely he would never have blocked his number from his cellphone, that’s for sure. What the hell was going on!? None of this seemed to make sense! Kibum gnawed his lip harshly as he quickly reached into the box and yanked out the next letter after the one last read.

Kibum,

Kibummie…whatever I did…forgive me. Please. I’m going to beg you like this, because I have no other way of getting a hold of you. Kibum, if it was leaving you the way I did, I’m sorry. If it was…if it was because of what we did the night I left…..Kibum, there’s no words of expressing how sorry I am. I shouldn’t have done so knowing that I’d be leaving you the next day. I was selfish and weak and I shouldn’t have done it! I shouldn’t have, I shouldn’t have, I shouldn’t have! Forgive me, please please please please pleeeeeaaaseeeee! Please…forgive me for the mistakes I made. I really love you, Kibum. I love you more than anything! Please don’t stay angry with me anymore. Please just reply to me…please.

--Always your Pabo-Jjongie. L

Kibum couldn’t even begin to understand what was going on. It didn’t make sense…none of it. All he could do was disbelieve reality as he quickly grabbed another letter out of the box, a number after the last one he had read (there were uncountable amounts of letters inside the box, and no matter how badly he wanted to read them all, was too anxious to read them all at that time).

Kibum, please just answer me. You’ve sent back all the letters I’ve sent you before….did you read them? Do…you know how sorry I am? Do you know how much I miss you? Do you remember how much I love you?

Please just reply back to me, Kibummie. Even if you already hate….if you hate me, Kibum, I don’t care. I don’t care if all you say to me in your letter is how stupid I am and how much you hate me for it! I don’t care if you ridicule my very existence, I don’t care if you say you wish I’d die! I just want to hear from you! I just want to know you’re okay! I just want to know you still know I exist. I want to know that you know how sorry I am. More than anything, I just want to know that you know that I love you. Please Kibum….tears won’t stop flowing anymore and I’m begging you like this…just answer me.

-I love you.

Kibum let a disbelieving tear slip down his cheek as he read over the letter. None of it made sense. It was Jonghyun who had cut off all contact with him! It was Jonghyun who had left without a word and left Kibum thinking that he was hated! This was wrong…this wasn’t what happened. This…couldn’t have been what happened. He didn’t understand. How could this have happened? He hadn’t…he had never ignored Jonghyun. He had never received a single letter from him, or a single phone call. Especially not a whole box full. How…was this possible? All the stamps and postage marks had correct dates. So…how could this be reality? Kibum couldn’t believe it. Couldn’t believe a thing until suddenly, something caught his eye.

It was a letter, stamped and posted correctly, but unlike the others. The envelope was larger and looked more professional than Jonghyun’s cutesy origami envelopes, and the address was a stamp rather than hand written. And…unlike Jonghyun’s letter, this time, the return address was his own, while the To address was Jonghyun’s. And this time…the letter was already opened. Kibum swallowed nervously as he slowly picked up the large envelope from the small box and from on top of all of Jonghyun’s letters to him, glancing over the letter with dread as he slowly pulled the printed paper out of the envelope and looked over it. He knew who wrote this letter. He knew it was the sender he had feared. He knew it was his mother…

Kim Jonghyun,

I’ve written to you to ask you to stop writing to Kibum. If you haven’t realized it already, I’ve held all of your letters to him and have had them sent back to you again. I blocked your number from his cellphone and the home phone, so stop calling. You’re not going to contact him. I’m never going to allow you to contact him again.

Kim Jonghyun, I know about your relationship with Kibum. And I know what you did to him the night you left. I know about what you two have done before, and I know that you have already slept with him. So I’m going to say this, and only this once. You get the hell out of his life. You stay away from my son, no matter if it kills you. I don’t give a fuck what kind of stupid feelings you think you have for him, you’re NOT going to fuck up his life anymore than you already have. You are not going to touch my perfect son and taint him anymore than you already have. My son is not gay. My son is not a dirty fag like you. I swear to you, Kim Jonghyun, that if there is ever a time where you touch my son again, I will have you arrested for statutory rape, regardless if you were still seventeen when you had sex with him.

I promise you, Kim Jonghyun, if you ever come back into Kibum’s life, I will file a restraining order against you, and have you arrested. As well as disown my son. If you insist on tainting him and turning him into a shameful disgrace like you, I will no longer recognize him as my own son. I will no longer accept him as my child, and will cut him perpetually from the family. So now you may choose. What is more important to you? Your lustful little relationship with him, or his happiness with his own family? What would you rather him know, the wellbeing of his childhood, and proper upbringing surrounded by a loving family, or living on his own as a dirty gay with no one to turn to once you finally tire of him? What means more to you? Your greed or his happiness? You’re an adult now, I have no power over you, so it’s your choice. Get out of his life for good, or ruin it completely.

If you do not want Kibum to be disowned, stop writing to him. Stop calling him. Don’t visit him. Don’t get near him ever again and pretend you have forgotten him. If you don’t want him to be disowned, you are going to forget all about what you and Kibum have done with each other, and you’re going to become a straight, normal man, and have a girlfriend. Perhaps then, he’ll understand that what you two shared was nothing but the confusion and lust of horny teenage hormones. Then you’ll both understand, Jonghyun. Then you’ll both be normal and right, and perhaps things shall be forgiven.

Tears flowed down Kibum’s cheeks faster and harder than he had ever thought he had felt them falling before. His heart was shattered, his head spinning and he felt sick in his stomach. He had never felt in such a way before, but the feeling that was taking over him now could only be classified as pure betrayal. Complete and utter betrayal from the very person who had given him life. It was as if his heart had been stabbed with a cruel, cold and jagged knife, digging into him deeper than he could imagine, making it nearly impossible to breathe. His vision was blurred from behind all the tears that desperately fell from his eyes. It made sense. Everything made sense. The secret Jonghyun swore he would die lying about. The secret thing that Jonghyun told him he was never supposed to know. The entire of Jonghyun’s act he had put up since he had come back to him in the first place. The entire reason behind the hidden longing in Jonghyun’s eyes every time he was forced to deny him again. The reason Jonghyun would become so hurt or angry when they fought with each other or Kibum tried to force him to stay with him. The entire reason why Jonghyun had left him and cut connection with him. The reason he had lost hope in everything and wanted nothing more than just to die. The reason why Jonghyun was with Tiffany. It was his mother’s doing. It was all because of his mother’s doing. Jonghyun hadn’t left him and refused to be with him because he no longer loved him….he had done it because he had been threatened and forced to do it.

The betrayal was too much for him to bear as Kibum blindly reached into the box, grabbing the first letter his hand fell onto, and pulled it up to him, tears slipping from his eyes as he recognized the small green origami paper it was written on as some they had bought together during their trip to Japan years ago.

Kibummie,

I don’t know why I’m still writing to you, while I know that this will never get to you. I know that I’ll never be able to say another word to you, never be able to actually tell you all that I’m going to say. And yet, my pen won’t stop, and the words still come easily, even as tears escape my eyes when I realize they’ll never reach you.

Kim Kibum, I love you. I love you more than anything else in this entire world, and I have loved you this deeply from the very moment you entered this world. Through all our years together, I’ve had the blessing of growing up with you, and loving you daily. You’re beautiful, Kibum. You’re the most beautiful boy I have ever seen, both inside and outside. And whoever it is who will finally be allowed to love you is the luckiest man in the entire world. He better be damn near perfect too, to have the most amazing angel who has ever been on earth before. I know that whoever it is will love and cherish you. I wish I could have been the one who could….

…I don’t know what to do with myself anymore, Kibummie. I don’t know what to live for if I’m no longer allowed to live for you. I don’t have strength anymore, Kibum. I can’t sing, I can’t write songs anymore. I can’t sleep at night because if I do, I’d only dream of you. I can’t eat anymore, because I don’t know what I’d need the strength for if I’m no longer yours. I want to be strong and continue on for you, the way I hope you have continued on without me. But I can’t stand this anymore. I need you in my life, Kibum. And until the day I die, I’ll always love you. Until the last of all my days, I’m going to pray for you every night, pray that in this life, you’ll truly be happy. Even if that happiness is without me.

I love you, Kibum. I love you… I love you… I love you… I love you… I love you…

Kibum moved his hand quickly to his eyes, desperate to make the tears stop falling onto the already tear-stained letter, stained with Jonghyun’s tears as he wrote it years back, as he read over Jonghyun’s sorrowful words over and over again. They broke his heart into a million pieces so many times that he wondered if he would ever be able to put them together again. He couldn’t stop himself from choking on his tears, as he blindly reached for another letter.

Kibum…I kissed a girl today. I kissed someone for the first time that was not you, and it felt so wrong. Everything…everything felt so incredibly wrong. It made my heart ache in a way that is so hard to explain that I can’t find words to describe it. It hurt so much, because I know that no matter how hard I try to keep living for you…I’m never going to move on. I’m never going to be able to move on and love a woman as your mother told me to do. I kissed her…because I wanted your mother to be satisfied with me. I’m desperate-I’m so damn desperate to be with you again, Kibum. I’m willing to do anything it takes just to be able to see you again from afar. I would give my entire life if I could just stand from afar and see your beautiful smile again, as you live your life with the one that you were meant to be with. I’d give anything to see you happy and loved properly the way I used to wish I could love you.

Are you happy….Kibum? Are you smiling now? I pray you are. God….I pray with everything that I am that you are. I pray with everything that you’re happy again. I pray that you forget all the pain I know I must have given you. I’m doing everything, Kibum. Everything I can do to change your mother’s mind. Doing everything I humanly can to get her to allow me just to see you once more again. To see the beautiful baby I first saw seventeen years ago when you were born. Seventeen years, two months, three hours and thirty-eight minutes ago, when the world was first blessed with you. You’ve been the biggest blessing I’ve ever been given before, Kibum. And I know you’ll be the biggest blessing to the one who will finally get to love you. Whoever they are. I hope…that you can find them. I hope when you find them, you’ll trust them and love them with everything you are. Right now…it’s my greatest hope.

I want to see you again…I’d do anything to see you again. I want to see how beautifully you’ve grown up over the years, and I want to see how amazing you’ve become. I want to be able to give you all of my love, even if it just means seeing you from afar. But…until then…all I can do is dream. Dream of you every night and try to continue on living in the way your mother wants me to until I can find you again. For now…I’ll continue on like this. I’ve realized now that I’ve been far too blessed already in my life to give up on it now, and so I’ll continue. I’ll continue dreaming of you, thinking of you, praying for you, secretly loving you, writing these useless letters to you that I know you’ll never receive-I’ll continue living for you. Continue living for you because you’ve already made my life so complete in the years we have spent together. I’ll continue on so that I can look up at the stars every night and beg them to tell you the same thing over and over.

I love you, Kim Kibum. I love you. I love you. I love you. And I’ll love you forever, regardless if we will never have each other again. I’ll do anything for your happiness, Kibum, all because how much I love you. I love you….I love you…..

Kibum choked desperately on his tears as he strengthlessly dropped the letter and crumbled helplessly down into a small ball, desperate to escape from the sad reality he was only now learning, after so many years. All the years before then, blaming Jonghyun harshly, thinking that he selfishly left him simply because he tired of him. Blaming him and being hurt by him while he had no idea the kind of suffering he was going through himself. Being selfish and turning his back to all of Jonghyun’s pain, focusing only on himself, treating Jonghyun like something simple he could just win over or live without, not even considering why Jonghyun had refused him in the first place. Tears of betrayal, of guilt and of longing fell down his cheeks as he trembled helplessly on the couch.

Suddenly, however, there was a soft movement behind Kibum and the other side of the couch was weighed down as someone slowly sat down next to him, and Kibum was soon pulled into strong and familiar comforting arms, being folded into the so well known hold he hadn’t truly and completely felt for four years.

“Was I really so pitiful for you to cry like this…? Were my silly little letters really so pitiful that they cause for you to sob as if I died?” Jonghyun asked quietly, as he took the sobbing younger man into his arms again, allowing for him to bury his face in his shirt and hold him tightly against him. “Shh…don’t cry like this anymore, Kibum. It’s alright. Everything’s alright now.” He cooed softly, lightening a little as he pushed Kibum’s chin up a little bit so he could move the hair from his face.

Kibum felt himself clinging onto the older man as desperately as he could, desperate and completely needy to feel the sturdy build of the familiar body pressed closely against his own so that he could convince himself that they were no longer apart. That this wasn’t all a dream and he would not wake up without Jonghyun near him in the morning.

“Jjong-ah….wh-why?” Kibum finally found strength enough to question brokenly, not turning his eyes up to meet with the older man’s, but voice hurt and sincere. “Why haven’t you told me? Wh-why didn’t you ever tell me? Wh-why wouldn’t you have told me the truth before? Even after all of this has happened…why wouldn’t you tell me? H-how…could you keep this a secret from me this entire time? Even now that I’m an adult too-how could you keep this all to yourself? Why haven’t you ever even let me choose?” He questioned desperately.

Jonghyun sighed heavily as his eyes fell weakly down onto the all-too-familiar letter from Kibum’s mother, eyes slipping over the hateful words written harsh which had already caused for him to hate himself. “H-how? How could I have told you, Kibum? How could I have told you the truth and allow for me to cause you to feel betrayed by your own mother? How could I have been so selfish as to even ask you to give up your own family only for me? How was I supposed to tell you the truth this entire time, Kibum? It…it would have crushed you. It would have hurt you so badly-and, like always-it would have been my fault. If I did as I have…if I lied to you this entire time to protect you from this hurtful truth….at least then you would only hate me. At least then you would have time to realize where your heart was without feeling forced to stay forever with me because we gave everything to be together. How could I have been so selfish?” He asked quietly, looking down at Kibum with sorrowful and apologetic eyes, though he now did not regret his decision anymore.

Kibum stared up at him helplessly, tears escaping from large and hurt eyes, as he struggled to swallow. “Wh-why….wh-why are you like this?” He asked quietly, shaking his head slowly. “Wh-why are you and Minho-yah both always like this? Y-you’re both always doing things to stop yourself from being selfish and to make me happy-while it only hurts you more. While it only hurts me too to see you hurt because of me. Why are you like this!? Why do you have to try to protect me like this!? Wh-why can’t I just be equal and know everything as an adult like you do? Wh-why are you still trying to sugar-coat everything for me by lying and pushing all of the blame onto yourself!? Why would you take the entire blame for something like this, just to keep me from feeling betrayed!? Why, Jjong!?” He questioned quickly, hitting Jonghyun’s chest weakly in frustration.

Jonghyun sighed apologetically before quickly moving and taking Kibum securely into his arms, holding him still and steady, pulling him close against his chest. “B-because no matter how big you get, Kibum, you’re always going to be the silly baby I grew up with. B-because no matter how much of an adult you become, I’m still going to be stupid enough to try to play Superman and take adult pain and betrayal away from you, e-even if it means that you’ll hate me in the process. I’ve said it before, a-and I’ll say it again. I want you to be happy. I’ll do anything to make you happy, even if it means you have to hate me in order to achieve it. I want to see you happy, Kibummie….that’s all I’ve ever wanted….” He said sincerely, hugging Kibum close against him, holding the same teenager, same child, same toddler, same baby he once held before in his arms securely.

Kibum struggled with himself for a moment before whacking Jonghyun’s chest weakly from inside his embrace. “Pa-pabo! S-stupid pabo! Wh-why are you such a idiot, Jonghyunnie!?” He complained quietly, tears still spilling, but managing to wrap his arms around the older man securely despite them.

Jonghyun half-laughed quietly and softly against his shoulder as he held Kibum closely in his lap, pressing him closely against his chest. “Heh…I am an idiot. I really am a stupid pabo…just because I love you. Just because I love you so much, Kibummie.” He said quietly, as he rested his chin against the younger’s shoulder for just a moment before Kibum pulled out of his grasp again and looked him straight in the eyes.

“I…love you too, Jjongie. I love you too, I really do. I love you so much.” He answered honestly, looking into Jonghyun’s eyes with a sincere yet teary gaze. He didn’t know how to explain it, but he loved him. He really did.

Jonghyun softened a little before lightly placing his hand on Kibum’s cheek softly, using his thumb to brush away the younger boy’s tears gently, trying to coax him to smile again. “I love you too, Kibummie. More than anything. Forever and ever. I promise you…” He whispered softly, voice soft and rich again for the first time that night, as he allowed a solemn smile to fall onto his lips gently.

Kibum could only try his best to return a clumsy smile, slowly leaning forwards, closing his eyes, leaving a soft kiss against the older man’s lips. A soft, gentle kiss. Nearly childish and chaste, reminding him of how they would kiss each other when they were little kids and kisses were simply things to symbolize love. No attraction involved, or even to express being in love. Just loving each other. Just a wordless way of telling each other through a simple and innocent action.

“I love you, Jjongie…” Kibum whispered quietly, as he pulled away from Jonghyun’s lips again, content and fulfilled by the other’s soft lips in just a friendly manner.

Jonghyun smiled softly before leaving a soft kiss on the other’s forehead. “I love you too, Kibummie. Always and forever?” He asked quietly, not opening his eyes, just staying close to the younger, but smiled as he heard Kibum’s quiet chuckle close to him.

“Always and forever. I promise.” Kibum answered happily, closing his eyes and smiling lightly as he stayed close to the older man again. Somehow the muscular man he was being held by seemed so much like the little boy he used to look up to, the innocent and honest child he used to view as his superman.

Jonghyun smiled lightly, for the first time in years no longer hiding, no longer lying, saying the words that came from his heart, holding nothing back anymore as he embraced Kibum closely into his arms for a long minute that seemed to last forever. He couldn’t even begin to express his happiness to be freed finally of all the lies he had tried to convince himself were reality for so long, but finally allowed for himself to take a breath and slowly pull himself back to reality, slowly pulling from Kibum’s arms for long enough to take a small letter from the top of the stack in the box.

“Kibummie…there’s one last thing you need to know. One last letter you need to read before anything else.” He finally said quietly, holding out the small pale-green paper out in front of the younger, as Kibum reopened his eyes and glanced at him curiously. “It’s the last letter I wrote to you…last night…” He explained after a moment.

Kibum stopped for a moment before slowly reaching out and taking the paper from Jonghyun’s hand gently. “Mmn. I’ll read it…” He said quietly, glancing over the neatly (but still Jonghyun’s) message on the paper.

Dear Kibum,

This the last letter I’m going to write to you, that I know that I’ll never have the strength to send…after this letter…I hope that I can be honest with you again. I hope that I will be able to tell you my feelings, and I hope that we can trust each other again so I no longer have to express the truth only through these letters.

My entire life, Kibum, I have seen you grow up to be the most amazing person I have ever laid eyes on. The years with me, and the years without me, you have grown and become more amazing than I could ever explain. You’re beautiful, and every single glance at you takes my breath away. Looking at you now, it’s hard to believe you are the same big headed baby….

Kibum glared at Jonghyun harshly and motioned to punch him as he read over the last part, making Jonghyun chuckle and try to escape his fists.

I don’t know what I have done in this life of mine to deserve it, but after so many years of praying, God must have heard my prayer and allowed for me to see you again. To see how amazing you’ve become, and to fill day after day with happy moments with you. I wish I could have spent every day since you’ve come back to bless my life in simple happiness, watching over you. Since you’ve returned, I wish I could have seen you only smile. I’m sorry…that things did not turn out that way. I’m sorry…that the love I’ve suppressed for you after so many years has made it to the point where I have to hurt you. In honesty, I want nothing more than to see you happy, even when I’m the one causing difference.

But…now…suddenly, I see happiness again in your eyes. I see the bright future I’ve spent the last four and a half years praying for, and I see it right in front of our eyes. I see him…I see Choi Minho…and I see that tall bastard being the one who makes your happiness in the future. It’s…been hard on me. Hard on me, trying and learning and slowly accepting him as your future. It’s hard having to give you up and allow another person to cherish you-all until I see the smile he places on your face. All until I see the way he makes you happy just by being near you, and just by staying by your side as he has been all these years.

I’ll never say it, and to him, I’ll never admit it-but in all honesty, I love him. I love that tall bastard so much that it’s almost concerning. I love him so much because I know that’s he’s been there for you all these years. I love him so much because I know how many times he has dried your crystal tears. I love him so much because I can see the love in his eyes when he looks at you. And I love him so much because I know that if there’s anyone in this world that deserves to get to love you with everything they are and receive your full love back-it’s him. And that’s why…even though now I will probably still be stubborn and selfish until I can truly let you go-I will truly be happy. Seeing you with him is seeing you happy, and that’s all I need in this life.

I love you Kibum. And for the last time, I’ll leave this letter unsent, though I wish to tell you someday, every single word. I love you, I love you…

-Your stupid Pabo-Yeobo Jjongie ^.^~

Kibum glanced up from the letter slowly, tears slipping from his eyes again, but this time, warm and happy as he looked at the familiar older man in front of him. There were no real words to express how he was feeling-happiness, thankfulness, a bit spoiled, but definitely loved. He sniffed quietly before smiling brightly at the innocent puppy eyes staring at him, before leaning forward and catching Jonghyun close in his arms, embracing him tightly, smiling as he was accepted easily by the other’s arms as well.

“Jjongie…thank you….th-thank you, so much…I…can’t tell you how much this means…h-how much you mean. Th-thank you. I love you so much, Jjongie.” Kibum could only whisper over and over again, pulling the other man closer and closer to him still.

Jonghyun wished his chest wasn’t still tight with the pain of letting go, and that he did not want his lips to linger on Kibum’s like before-but he knew it would be alright. He knew slowly, even if it took a long time-he would slowly accept it. Kibum was with Minho, and with Minho he would be happy. With Minho he would find the happiness he spent the last four years praying for, and because of that, the secret longing and heartbreak of watching him go would be worth it. Everything was worth it. As long as Kibum was happy.

“I love you too, Kibum. I love you more than anything. Just…promise me he’ll make you happy, alright? Promise me I’m not giving you away to any old undeserving alien, because if he’s not the one-you’re going to have a hell of a time trying to make me let you go to another again.” He joked quietly against the younger’s shoulder, causing for Kibum to laugh quietly before looking back into his eyes.

“He’s the one, Jjongie. I promise. I promise you-he’s the one who I’ll be in love with forever. There’s no doubt in my mind.” Kibum said sincerely, eyes soft but honest as he continued holding both of Jonghyun’s hands still.

Jonghyun smiled lightly at this before nodding slowly. “Mmn. I knew it. I just want to make sure. He’s going to be sticking around forever if he’s the one I’m actually going to allow to be near you, so I was just double checking is all.” He joked again after a moment, causing for Kibum to smile and simply nod his head.

“Good…I’m glad you’re so sure…” Jonghyun muttered softly after another moment, but couldn’t help his smile from fading from his face a little, as he stared at the beautiful man in front of him, still finding his breath still escaping as he looked at the amazing grown man he had seen grow from such a little baby. Every time he looked at the beautiful smile he had secretly dreamed of every single night.

“Bummie,” Jonghyun said quietly, making Kibum glance back at him again, the smile still not leaving his lips as he looked at him questioningly.

Jonghyun sighed softly and smiled lightly back at the younger boy before slowly leaning forwards again, allowing himself to feel the softness of the younger’s lips under his own just one more time. One last time before he would accept Kibum’s decision. Just once more to make up for all the times they both had been alone and missing each other. Just once more to wordlessly express the connection that far surpassed the word love. Once more just so they could feel each other close.

“I love you…” Jonghyun whispered quietly as he forced himself to move his lips off of the younger warm and gentle lips under his own, keeping his eyes closed and nose against the bridge of the younger’s, remembering the way Kibum used to like doing so when they were younger.

Kibum let out a soft breath but kept his eyes closed as well as he felt Jonghyun’s softness. Despite the fact he had kissed the other, he didn’t feel like he was cheating on Minho, or that Jonghyun’s intentions were to do anything like that. It was like a family kiss, not like a couple’s. Simply there to express affection. And he hoped that he would be able to continue to kiss the older boy familiarly like that in the future too. “I love you too, Jjongie.” He said quietly.

Jonghyun smiled lightly at Kibum’s words before slowly pulling back again, looking at the other softly for a moment before nodding. “Mn. Let’s go then. Go see Minho again...” He started quietly, but was interrupted from standing up as Kibum caught his hand again.

“W-wait, Jjong-ah! I-I…you’re letting me and Minho-yah be together-b-but…what about you? A-are you going to leave again…?” Kibum asked quickly at first, but slowed down and frowned sadly towards the end of his question.

Jonghyun stopped before smiling brightly at the younger man next to him. “Leave you again? No way! After seeing you as a baby, you know I’ve always wanted to see you as an old man, when you start losing your hair and teeth! Besides, if I leave again, I’ll never be able to see if you grow into that head of yours.” He said laughing, but his laughter was silenced with an angry growl from Kibum and firsts meeting with his chest. “N-now, c’mon. Let’s see Minho again. I’m sure he already misses you, and there’re a few words I want to say to him first.” He said after a moment, a small almost mischievous grin coming onto his face as he spoke.

Kibum arched an eyebrow at this and looked at Jonghyun with a slight expression of concern, but nodded slowly, allowing for the older man to do as he liked. “Just…don’t scare him away, huh? Everything’s finally perfect the way it is-I don’t want you to try to chase Minho-yah off.” He joked after a moment, getting up slowly from his place on the couch, but didn’t take his hand from Jonghyun’s as they made their way to the door again.

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Minho could barely even believe his eyes as he glanced over his shoulder as the door opened, and found himself looking upon the happy and lightly smiling face of Kibum, as their eyes connected again, and the shorter man began to make his way towards him again. He thought for sure that after Kibum learned about everything Jonghyun had done for him that he would fall in love with him again and choose never to see him again, and he couldn’t hide his shocked expression from playing over his face as Kibum smiled all the brighter when took his hand and hugged him briefly in greeting.

“K-Key…y-you’re here…wh-where’s Jong-” Minho started confusedly after a slight moment as Kibum held his hand still, before he glanced over Kibum’s shoulder to see a very intimidating looking Jonghyun staring daggers at him from the doorway. “-Jonghyun…” He finished uneasily.

Kibum chuckled quietly and shook his head fondly as he glanced over at Jonghyun’s menacing glare, but agreed to play along by slowly slipping his hand out of Minho’s and staring up at him with a helpless and concerned expression as he slowly snuck behind him, as if afraid of the infuriated Jonghyun who still loomed in the doorway.

Minho swallowed slowly as he looked away from Kibum again, completely confused but putting his guard up a little bit as he looked back at Jonghyun again. What was going on? Had Kibum refused him even after he found out the truth, and Jonghyun was furious with him or something? How could this be happening? He didn’t understand anything, but couldn’t stop his body from tensing as Jonghyun suddenly began stalking over to him intimidatingly.

“Choi…” Jonghyun growled darkly as he slowly made his way up to the younger but taller man, staring up at him with shaded eyes. “There’s just one thing in this world that I want to tell you right now…” He hissed angrily, smirking darkly as he noticed Minho’s slight nervousness as he flinched slightly when he raised his right arm.

Jonghyun chuckled quietly as Minho immediately tensed and stiffened when he raised both of his arms and quickly lurched forwards, becoming directly and close in front of him before strongly-wrapping his arms around him tightly, hugging him closely and suddenly, not caring how his head immediately buried low in his chest due to their height difference.

“…thank you…” Jonghyun said quietly after a moment, as Minho just continued to stay paralyzed with shock, confusion, and slight anxiety as he continued to be squeezed as tightly as possible from both of Jonghyun’s strong arms. “Thank you. Thank you…for loving him. For being there for him all these years…for protecting him-even from me. Thank you loving him now….th-thank you for giving him this happiness…I cannot thank you enough, and I really love you, you stupid alien…” Jonghyun muttered emotionally into Minho’s shirt as the taller man could only stand blinking.

Kibum tried to hold in his laugh as Minho looked down uneasily at Jonghyun hugging him tightly and burying his face in his chest before looking at him with petrified and confused eyes, looking at him helplessly for some sort of instruction. “Hug him back,” Kibum mouthed out quietly, moving his arms in a hugging motion for Minho to understand. Minho’s expression only looked all the more helpless as he heard Kibum’s instructions, but was forced to follow them anyway.

Kibum couldn’t stop himself from throwing his head back and cackling as he watched Minho uneasily place his arms over Jonghyun’s back, giving him a record-short squeeze nervously before immediately taking his arms back, only to blink uneasily as Jonghyun only squeezed him tighter and closed his eyes happily while hugging him.

With a quiet and uneasy whine from Minho, Kibum forced himself to stop cackling, and looked back at the personally hilarious sight in front of him before wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes. “A-aigo, Jjongie, I think you’ve made your point. Y-you can let go of him now.” He chuckled out quietly, but only smiled wider as he noticed the way that Jonghyun immediately unlatched himself from the taller man’s chest and immediately grabbing his throat, coughing and spitting desperately.

“Blegh! Blegh! That was weird! That was so weird! Bleeeeegh! Kibum, you better freaking love me for that!!! No-not just love me-you’re making me patbingsu for dessert for the rest of my life!! Uuuughhhhh, alien juice! It’s disgusting, it’s aaaauuuuugh!!” Jonghyun screamed quickly, glaring at Kibum through teary eyes, only causing for Kibum to fall over onto Minho again cackling.

E N D….
                                                                                          …Wait…end?

This is a ShineTae fanfic, it doesn’t end that easily! What are you thinking? You still have the Epilogue to read! Thinking you’d get off that easily, hahaha, I still have to depress you again! If I don't suceed in depressing you again, I'll fail my self-imposed job. xD So, Even though the top of this entry says "THE END" in all caps....naw, it's not the end. haha. Epilogue will be up tomorrow! but until then....SCREAMS. IT'S OVER! IT'S OVER! IT'S FINALLY OVER! THIS HAS BEEN GOING SINCE JULY 1010, AND IT'S FINALLY OVER!
MINKEY FANS, YOU BETTER LOVE ME. (just kidding haha) No more threats, eh?

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