Fic: The Trouble With Fairies (Part 1/2)
Once upon a time, a man named Jensen lived with his grandmother on a farm. They reared alpacas for their wool and llamas to be sold to shepherds to guard their flock. One day, Jensen went to the market as usual, leading two of his best llamas and a bag of alpaca wool to sell. As it was drizzling, he put on his red raincoat and pulled up the hood. However, when he arrived, Matt was nowhere to be found. Matt was an agent for the shepherds, so he bought Jensen’s llamas and brought them to the shepherds to resell. But today, Jensen waited and waited, and still, there was no sign of Matt. So he sold the wool to a clothmaker and led his llamas home.
When he arrived, the first thing he noticed was that his front door was wide open. Fearing for his grandmother, he dashed into the house.
There was blood everywhere.
Red splattered all over the walls, the floor, the furniture, and in the middle of it all, a large black creature with its face buried in Nana. It lifted its head and turned as Jensen ran in, face stained red and blood dripping from its snout, but all Jensen could see was his poor grandmother, lying still on her favourite armchair, pieces ripped out of her lifeless form.
Suddenly, it roared and charged at him, but before he could react, his llamas attacked with a loud cry. Snapping back to himself, he ran for the axe on the wall to help, but just as he turned, there was a blinding light. He shielded his eyes, trying to find his llamas, but it was far too bright.
When the light cleared, there was... a man...? Well, it looked a bit like a man, one that was a third of his size, clad in skin-tight orange and hovering in midair with fluttering iridescent wings. On its head, it wore a wreath of... Was that kale?
"Oh, aren't you wonderful?" it cooed as it patted the llamas with tiny hands.
What the- it talks! Jensen squeezed his eyes shut. Maybe this is a dream, and I'll wake up, and everythin’ll be okay.
"Hey."
A nightmare, he told himself, opening his eyes. The scene before him had not changed. Nope, still dreamin’. He closed his eyes again. There is no fuckin’ way this is real.
"Hey, um. I'm sorry I arrived too late. She was important to you, wasn't she?"
When he opened his eyes once more, the winged man in bright orange was hovering closer to him now, a little higher to match his eye level, and looking terribly sad and contrite.
He pinched himself. "Ow. I'm not dreamin’?"
It sighed, clasping its hands. "I'm afraid not. Anomalies have been cropping up all over my homeland of late, and I’ve been searching and searching for a way to stop it to no avail. I rushed to track that big bad wolf down as soon as I'd discovered it escaped, but that wasn't soon enough, and I'm sorry. I know that doesn’t mean much, but I truly am. Please let me know if there's any way I can help."
"So... Nana's really..."
His eyes were stinging, but the little man looked like he was about to burst into tears too at the mention of Jensen's grandmother, and Jensen couldn't help feeling bad - it was ridiculous.
"Who-no, what are you?" he asked, trying to take his mind off the grief.
"Me? Why, I'm a fairy, of course." The fairy twirled as if to give Jensen a better look. "My name is Misha."
“You say that like it’s the most normal thing in the world.”
“Oh.” If possible, Misha looked even more dejected than before. “You don’t believe in us. That’s right. I’d heard very few humans do these days. Maybe that’s why our power has waned.”
Okay. This is too fuckin’ surreal. Jensen grabbed the nearest chair from the dinner table. I need to sit down. “Okay. So you’re a fairy,” and he tried not to think about how it sounded like a euphemism as the fairy nodded eagerly, politely shifting lower so it could continue hovering at eye level. “If I believe in you enough, could you bring Nana back?”
Looking crushed, Misha literally dropped a few inches. “I-I’m so sorry, but even at the height of our power, the dead were beyond our reach. I wish I could go back in time and undo this, but even that… Please. Tell me of some other way I can help you.” He glanced over Jensen’s shoulder. “We… We should put her to rest.”
Jensen sighed, running his hand tiredly over his face. “Yeah. Yeah, please. Let’s start with that.”
The fairy nodded, flying over to the armchair, and what appeared to be sparkles fell upon it from him. Then the entire armchair, and its occupant, was floating, and Jensen was too shocked to answer when Misha sadly said, “You should decide on the place.”
“Um… A-are you all right?”
“Uh…” He rubbed the back of his neck, walking outside and looking around. There was that old oak tree in the backyard that she would sit under everyday for tea. Perhaps she'd like to remain there. "That tree." He pointed at it and began walking towards it, Misha following close behind. A branch hung low, within reach, a yellow ribbon tied around it from many years ago. "Right here," he said, stopping. “It was her favorite spot.”
"Okay." The armchair landed nearby. "Stand back." Misha shifted to hover over the indicated spot and began to glow. Then he started spinning, and Jensen watched in complete astonishment as the soil began to move. Faster and faster he spun, and as he did, the earth rose up and moved aside. When he finally stopped, there was a large hole in the ground, about six feet deep. The armchair floated into it, and Misha asked, "Is there... anything before she becomes one with the land?"
There was, maybe. Or there should have been. But Jensen wasn't really good at this sort of thing. He rubbed his face with his hand again, wiped the dampness on his jeans. "Thanks for everything, Nana," he whispered to her. "You don't have to worry about me anymore. Goodbye."
Misha nodded, clasping his hands and bowing his head. He mumbled words Jensen couldn't make out, and then little specks of light were snowing upon the grave. The earth shifted back into place, and the light seemed to spread across the farm like fireflies taking flight. It was beautiful, just like Nana had been.
“I’ve blessed the land as well, that it may be bountiful for your herd.” The fairy flew closer. “Please. Isn’t there anything else I can do?”
Misha seemed so desperate to offer some kind of reparation, but Jensen couldn’t think of any wish besides the one he couldn’t grant. “Another day, perhaps,” he said at last.
Looking disappointed, the other agreed. “All right. Then take care of yourself. I will come again.” So saying, Misha began to fly away, but suddenly turned back. “Oh!” He reached into a pocket that hadn’t been visible until then and pressed three bright green beans into Jensen’s hand. “Here, you should have these.”
Jensen blinked down at them. “What am I supposed to do with these?”
Misha squinted at him like he was being very silly. “Why, plant them, of course! It’s a magical tree. It’ll help me find you again.”
With that, the fairy flew away. Jensen returned to the house. It was clean. There was no sign that anything had happened there. The only thing missing was the armchair.
It was too much.
Jensen went to his room and collapsed upon his bed, exhausted. Glancing at the beans in his hand, he decided he’d plant them tomorrow and slipped them under the mattress. He was asleep in moments.
Jensen woke to sunlight in his eyes and a breeze that smelled of sugar. He sat up in shock.
He was outside.
Still on his bed, but outside, surrounded by gigantic bamboo trees with a slightly curved green wall behind him. He slid off the bed onto the grass.
Wait, this isn’t grass. He lifted his foot. The “grass” stuck to it slid off in a molten glob. He crouched for a closer look. Ch-chocolate? Seriously? He ran to the bamboo trees. They were made of -he leaned closer to smell it- peppermint candy. In some places, there was no grass, and the ground appeared to be made of chocolate fondant.
“What the hell?!” I’m dreamin’ again, ain’t I? He pinched himself. Ow! Damn it, I’m really on a cake?!
He ran back over to his bed. There were vines growing through it. He inspected a leaf on one of the shoots. This is a real plant though. Then that curved green wall… Scrambling over to it, he patted it. Wait, this is a plant too?! He looked down, over the edge of the bed, into the gap between it and the plant wall and saw… Clouds?! How the-
That’s when he remembered. Misha and the bright green magical beans. “Imma kill that fairy.”
Just then, there were growls behind him. He turned and squinted in confusion at the large black and white creatures approaching. Were those pandas?
“You’ve gotta be fuckin’ kiddin’ me.” He looked over the edge again. Even the clouds were far below, and there were no hand- or footholds to be seen. No escape.
The pandas surrounded the bed, looking curiously at him, and he wondered if it was too soon to be grateful that pandas were primarily herbivores. They were probably more interested in the beanstalk than in him. Hopefully.
Then the pandas looked at each other and nodded.
They grabbed him.
He shouted and struggled, but couldn’t keep them from hefting him onto the largest panda’s back. Despite appearances, he’d expected gummies instead of real fur, but it seemed to be a proper panda, warm and fuzzy. Immediately, it started running through the bamboo forest, and he had to cling on for dear life. He’d heard that pandas weren’t especially mobile creatures, but this one, like everything else in this crazy land, was unnatural, zipping through the sugary landscape like a fine racehorse. They passed a blue syrup lake and a brown sugar desert with a caramel “quicksand” before going up a hill through a garden dotted with a variety of candy fruit trees and fondant flowers. When they reached the top, there was some snow, or rather powdered icing sugar, and a humongous castle constructed of various candy cubes.
There was no door.
Instead, his ride circled around and pulled on what looked to be a licorice twist. Somewhere, a bell tolled. He let go and tried to slide off and escape, but the panda reached around and resettled him on its back, then began to climb. With little choice but to cling on tightly, he looked up as they climbed higher and higher. Up atop, a rainbow sour tape formed an arc across the sky, and the panda was climbing up a thick braided rope from a window near the top of a tower. Wait. Was that hair?
Maybe there’s a lonely princess trapped in this castle, he decided. After all, without a door, how could anyone come in or out of the tower, and perhaps she had simply woven all her hair over the years into a rope long and strong enough for someone to climb up to keep her company. Poor girl. Sure hope she’s a looker.
“Ooh, Cheerio! What have you brought me today?” cooed a booming masculine voice.
They’d reached the windowsill. Jensen looked up. And up. And higher up still to see a giant wearing a white candy floss sweater and blue licorice pants smiling down at him. The other pulled up his long brown hair and wound it around his waist. All that hair was still attached to his head.
“Oh my fuckin’ God.”
The giant lifted him then, gently with both hands, for a closer look. Every instinct screamed at Jensen to struggle, but being dropped to the floor from such a height was worse, so he held still. Eyes that were at once blue and green peered at him out of a heart-shaped face.
“Hello, my name is Jared. What’s yours?”
“J-Jensen.” This was insane, completely batshit fucking insane.
“What a lovely name!” the giant cried with a delighted smile. “Prince Jensen! But where’s your sword and armor?”
Jensen blinked. “What?”
“All my life, I’ve been waiting for a prince to come free me from this castle just like in the movies. Don’t they normally have swords and armor and a loyal steed?”
“Um… I’m uh… not a prince.”
“Oh.” Jared looked disappointed. “You’ve come to set me free though?”
Jensen hesitated. What if the giant would eat or crush him if he didn’t prove useful? “Uh… Of course! What must I do?”
For a long moment, Jared simply stared, pensive. Finally, his shoulders sagged, and he sighed. “The truth is… I have no idea.” He sat down on a large chair and set Jensen down on the nearby table. “I’ve lived in this castle all my life, and everyday, I’d look out from my high window here at the land around me. It’s beautiful, and I really want to see it up close, but I can’t get out of here. I’ve tried everything - searching for a door, trying to break the wall, even climbing out the windows. But I’ve never found any openings besides the windows which are too small to climb through, and no matter what I do, the walls won’t even chip.” He looked forlornly at Jensen, and the look reminded the human of a kicked puppy. “I was hoping my rescuer would have some idea I haven’t thought of, but if you’re asking too…”
“What if I had a look around?” Jensen suggested. Jared didn’t seem to mean any harm, and he looked so sad and lonely. Jensen couldn’t help feeling sorry for him. “Maybe I’ll find something you missed?”
“Would you?” Jared asked, brightening with hope. “Oh, you’re every bit the saviour I dreamed of!” He pulled Jensen into a hug.
“I-I can’t breathe…”
“Oops, sorry. I forget my strength sometimes.” He ducked his head sheepishly. “Come.” He picked Jensen up, held him close like a favorite doll. “Let me show you around.”
What must have been hours later, Jared had taken Jensen to every room in the castle. Everything, everything was made of candy, and Jensen had inspected every nook and cranny to no avail. Jared sighed once more, dropping into his large marshmallow couch and settling Jensen on his lap.
“I suppose it is too much to hope for that you would discover in a few hours an exit I’ve failed to find in all my years here.”
Jensen groaned, rolling off to flop down on the soft surface instead. He was tired, twitchy, and his head was pounding.
“Hey.” A large hand runs down his back at just the right pressure. “You okay?”
“No. Do that again.”
“Okay.” Jared repeats the motion, running two fingers down each side of his back. “Better?”
“Hell yeah. Keep going.”
“Say, how’d you get up here anyway? I’ve never seen anyone up here before.”
“A fairy gave me these magical beans. I slipped them under my mattress thinkin’ I’d plant ‘em in the mornin’. And then I woke up here on top of a massive beanstalk.”
“Fairy?” Jared flipped him over. “Wait, like Sleeping Beauty kind of fairy?”
Jensen blinked up at the other’s excited face. “What?”
“Like a fairy godmother?”
He imagined Misha, with his orange unitard and kale headdress, as a godmother. “That’s terrifyin’, no.”
Again, Jared seemed crestfallen. “But if you could summon that fairy again, he could get me out of here.”
“If I could summon that fairy again, Imma make him get us both out of here, and then kick his ass!” Jensen retorted.
If possible, Jared’s dismay grew. “You mean you can’t?”
At that, all the energy seemed to drain out of Jensen at once. “No. He just gave me those damnable beans and told me to plant them so he could find me again.” He sighed tiredly. “Do you have coffee?”
“Well, I have coffee candy,” Jared offered, going along with the change of subject.
“No, no, nuh-uh. Just coffee, without the sugar.”
Jared furrowed his brow. “I don’t think anything can be made here without sugar.”
“Fine, fine,” Jensen grouched. “Coffee candy it is.”
Jared left for several minutes before returning with a large plate. On it were some small unevenly shaped pieces of brown candy.
"Sorry for the wait. I had to break it into little pieces for you. The candy is half your size."
"Thanks." He eats a piece. It's sweet, but it's good coffee, so he'll take it. On the bright side, he can consume this lying down. "So what do you do here anyway, all by yourself?"
"Well, there are some games and movies up here. I've played and watched them all because they've always been here, but they're still fun. When I tire of them, I invent new candy. The pandas visit often too and bring me various curiosities from across the land. Like you." Jared smiled. He had charming dimples and kind eyes. He wouldn't keep Jensen here forever, would he?
"I need to get back to my herd," he hazarded.
"Herd?" Jared tilted his head. "What's that?"
"I told you I'm no prince. I raise a herd of llamas and alpacas on a farm down below."
"Llamas?" Jared asked excitedly. "Like in The Emperor's New Groove? So you're kinda like Pacha?"
"The what? Pa-who?"
“Seriously? You’ve never seen that?” Jared bounded off the couch to fiddle with some brightly coloured boxes in the front. Video popped up on a large screen and music started playing all around. It was just like going to the movies. “You have got to watch it with me,” Jared insisted, sitting back down and pulling Jensen up into a sitting position. “C’mon!”
Jensen couldn’t help laughing as Jared danced along to the music accompanying the movie’s end credits. It was mostly in keeping with the beat, but all awkward flailing limbs and not very dance-like at all. The giant seemed to be having fun though, and it was pretty comical to watch.
“You’re laughing at me,” Jared complained with a mock pout. “Stop laughing and dance too.”
“Oh yeah,” Jensen agreed, getting to his feet. “Imma show you how it’s done.”
He started rocking it out to the beat, and Jared danced a bit more before crouching for a closer look.
“Wow, you’re actually pretty good!”
In response, he posed and gave Jared his best “come hither” wink, and the giant giggled.
“I like you, Jensen. Where have you been all my life?”
At that, Jensen remembered his farm and his herd. He was worried about them. “I have to go.”
Jared’s face fell. “O-okay.” He looked utterly crushed, like he was about to tear up. “You’ll visit though, won’t you? You’ll come again?”
The other seemed so hopeful, and Jensen couldn’t find it in himself to say no. And yet, he also didn’t want to lie. The truth was that he had no idea how to get back up here. Come to think of it, he also had no idea how to get home. He sat down, wiped his hand over his face and then ran his hand through his hair.
“Jensen? What’s wrong?” There was such genuine concern on Jared’s face.
“I just remembered. I don’t know how I’m going to get down that beanstalk.”
There hadn’t been any hand- or footholds on the beanstalk’s smooth exterior, and he wasn’t about to take his chances with landing on a leaf. He could ask Jared for a lock of his hair to use as a rope, but he had nowhere secure to tie the rope to. If only Jared could come with him, the giant would be able to let his hair down the beanstalk for Jensen to climb, but Jared couldn’t even leave this castle. Besides, they were above the clouds, and Jared, while a giant, was only three times his size, and his hair was only twice as long. It may be long enough for the tower, but it wouldn’t reach the ground below the clouds.
“Then how will you go home?”
“I don’t know. But my llamas and alpacas…”
“Don’t they eat grass?”
Jensen nodded.
“Isn’t there grass where they are?”
“There is, but…”
“And water?”
“Well, there’s a stream that runs through the farm, but…”
“Then they’ll be fine. Don’t worry!”
Jensen wasn’t convinced. They had to be checked, taken out for better pasture, bathed… What if one of them fell sick while he was up here? What if thieves or predators came for them? Jared, seeing that Jensen wasn’t reassured, sat down to think as well.
“Could you climb down a lock of my hair?” he offered at length.
“I could, but there’s nowhere for me to tie it to, and I don’t think even your hair is long enough to reach the bottom of the beanstalk.”
Jared frowned, then picked him up and hugged him. “Don’t worry.” He patted Jensen on the back gently. “We’ll think of something. In the meantime, you could stay. Llamas and alpacas are such awesome creatures. I’m sure they’ll be fine for a little while.”
Jensen sighed. He couldn’t see any other alternative, so he nodded. It wasn’t really so bad, he had to admit. While Jared could easily crush him with one hand, the giant wasn’t a bad person. Although being alone again made him sad, he hadn’t tried to stop Jensen from leaving. He was pretty fun to be with, and they were rather like-minded, if their comments on the movie were anything to go by. Jensen liked him.
Jared set him down on the couch once more. “I was just about to go get some cake for dinner. Would you like some?”
Jensen grimaced. There was still this sweet, sweet problem. “Isn’t there anything not sweet for dinner?” Right now, he’d even take bland.
The giant pondered this for a few moments. “Well, maybe you’ll like salted caramel rolls?”
They didn’t count, but they did sound better than cake. “Yeah.” He rubbed the back of his neck and flopped back down again. “Yeah, salted caramel rolls sound like a plan.”
“Okay!” Jared went cheerily to the pantry. Jensen had almost dozed off when he returned with two plates and two glasses of juice cordial on a biscuit tray. He’d even thoughtfully brought Jensen a straw and cut the rolls into little pieces. “Want to watch another movie over dinner?”
“Sure.” Jensen shrugged, sitting up and reaching for a piece of the salted caramel rolls. It wasn’t like he had anything else to do, and Jared seemed to enjoy it.
The giant went over to tinker with the player again, and soon, another cartoon came on, vastly different from the first. The salted caramel rolls were surprisingly more salty than sweet, which made them quite good, and the juice cordial, while still sweet, was ice cold and had a refreshing tang.
Then Jared burst into song.
“Someday, my prince will come~” he sang along soulfully with the princess, and Jensen covered his ears. “Someday, we’ll meet again~”
The castle walls shook with the sound of his voice, and Jensen could not completely shut out the awfully off-key singing despite his best efforts.
“Hey, Jared.” The other didn’t seem to hear, completely absorbed in the music. “Hey! Jared!” Still no response. Jensen despaired at what his very normal life had become.
“HAS ANYONE TOLD YOU YOU SUCK?!”
Meanwhile, Misha had returned to see if Jensen had thought up a wish yet.
“Hmm… I could have sworn this was the place.”
Around and around he flew in search, but Jensen’s cottage was nowhere to be found.
“But the magical signature is right too. There’s a magical tree right here on blessed land.”
Just then, an entire herd of llamas and alpacas cantered up to him.
“Oh, there you are!” he cried, patting them with delight. They really were such wonderful creatures. “Where's your owner? I can’t find his house anywhere.”
As one, they bleated pointedly at something behind him. He turned. It was the magical beanstalk. He looked up the beanstalk, following it with his eyes into the clouds, and was hit with a wave of shocking realization.
Oh… Oh dear. “Oops.”
~ Part 1 | Part 2 ~