Catch A (Falling) Star
Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket;
Never let it fade away
Kibum knows that they won’t last; that the five of them won’t shine forever. He knows that no matter how close they are, one day they’ll have to go their separate ways and never meet again. The thought scares him a little, and he hides Kibum’s insecurities behind Key’s confidence. He tries to distance himself from Jinki, because he is alarmed at just how attached he has become to his leader. He loved spending time with the clumsy boy. Especially the times when Kibum sneaks into Jinki’s bed at night, using the cold as an excuse. (And Kibum is proud of the fact that he is the only one whom Jinki doesn’t turn down.) He starts to spend more time with Jonghyun - on air and off. It bothers him that Jinki doesn’t seem to mind.
(He doesn’t notice when Jinki stops eating.)
They go to the beach to film hello baby, and it just so happens to be one of those days where Kibum feels like giving up. He doesn’t fight with Minho and Jonghyun for Yoogeun’s attention. Instead, he walks quietly at the back, a short distance behind the other members. He tries to force a smile when he sees Jinki turn back to check on him. He can tell Jinki isn’t fooled. Frankly, the oldest was not as stupid as those television shows made him seem. He stops and waits for Kibum to catch up, nudging the younger boy forward. He has his hand on Kibum’s back the whole time. Only then does Kibum realize just how tired Jinki looked. His arms were skinny, almost breakable. His eyes were heavy, weighed down by worries.
Jinki finds Kibum tugging at his blanket at three in the morning.
Night after night, for years, Jinki and Kibum would crawl onto separate beds at night, only to wake up on the same bed. (Jinki’s; it was always Jinki’s bed.) It was like an unspoken promise, and neither of them wanted to break it.
They spend Kibum’s twenty-third birthday on the balcony of their apartment. Kibum’s hands are lightly tracing Jinki’s upper arm, and the older boy - no, man - is staring up at the night sky, hands playing with the loose fabric of his own faded shirt. Kibum ends up staring at the sky as well. His eyes sparkle as he sees the stars that lined the skies of Seoul.
Aren’t the stars beautiful? Kibum’s innocent question breaks the silence.
What we see aren’t actually stars. Since these stars are so far away, the light they give off takes a really long time to reach earth. So when we do actually see it, the stars are no longer there.
Kibum just stares at Jinki.
Jinki laughs, cheeks tinted with red. Yes, he replies, they’re beautiful.
They continue star-gazing in silence. They were more than just friends, but they weren’t lovers. Kibum smiles.
He decides he likes it that way.
Days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months. Before long, it was Jinki’s birthday. They watched the stars, just like that night, on Kibum’s birthday. And again, it is Kibum who breaks the silence.
If our relationship was a star, would we shine forever?
Jinki laughs, shakes his head. No, he replies.
All stars fade away into oblivion, Kibum.
Kibum smiles at Jinki’s answer, lacing their fingers together. He has no reason to feel upset at all; it is the truth. (Kibum didn’t like being lied to.) They’d make the most of their time together.
The company eventually decides to pull Jonghyun out to debut as a soloist. It was the end of SHINee. Somehow, Kibum isn’t saddened; although his heart does break when their youngest bursts into tears. He has always known it was coming, and so has Jinki. They smile to each other.
It is their last night at the apartment, and they are once again out on the balcony for old time’s sake. They sit enshrouded in silence, stars glittering in the sky above. This time however, it is Jinki who speaks first.
Will we ever meet again?
His voice trembles a little, his breathing heavy. (He is hesitant, Kibum knows.)
Kibum pauses to think. No, he answers with finality, no.
Jinki smiles, and kisses Kibum’s forehead. It’s just as well, isn’t it?
Day breaks at their dorm, and Kibum knows he has to say goodbye to his band mates (and to his first love). But now, he is no longer afraid.
Goodbye, he whispers bravely to Jinki.
Goodbye isn’t the end, Kibum;
It’s the beginning of something magical.
Never let it fade away
Kibum knows that they won’t last; that the five of them won’t shine forever. He knows that no matter how close they are, one day they’ll have to go their separate ways and never meet again. The thought scares him a little, and he hides Kibum’s insecurities behind Key’s confidence. He tries to distance himself from Jinki, because he is alarmed at just how attached he has become to his leader. He loved spending time with the clumsy boy. Especially the times when Kibum sneaks into Jinki’s bed at night, using the cold as an excuse. (And Kibum is proud of the fact that he is the only one whom Jinki doesn’t turn down.) He starts to spend more time with Jonghyun - on air and off. It bothers him that Jinki doesn’t seem to mind.
(He doesn’t notice when Jinki stops eating.)
They go to the beach to film hello baby, and it just so happens to be one of those days where Kibum feels like giving up. He doesn’t fight with Minho and Jonghyun for Yoogeun’s attention. Instead, he walks quietly at the back, a short distance behind the other members. He tries to force a smile when he sees Jinki turn back to check on him. He can tell Jinki isn’t fooled. Frankly, the oldest was not as stupid as those television shows made him seem. He stops and waits for Kibum to catch up, nudging the younger boy forward. He has his hand on Kibum’s back the whole time. Only then does Kibum realize just how tired Jinki looked. His arms were skinny, almost breakable. His eyes were heavy, weighed down by worries.
Jinki finds Kibum tugging at his blanket at three in the morning.
Night after night, for years, Jinki and Kibum would crawl onto separate beds at night, only to wake up on the same bed. (Jinki’s; it was always Jinki’s bed.) It was like an unspoken promise, and neither of them wanted to break it.
They spend Kibum’s twenty-third birthday on the balcony of their apartment. Kibum’s hands are lightly tracing Jinki’s upper arm, and the older boy - no, man - is staring up at the night sky, hands playing with the loose fabric of his own faded shirt. Kibum ends up staring at the sky as well. His eyes sparkle as he sees the stars that lined the skies of Seoul.
Aren’t the stars beautiful? Kibum’s innocent question breaks the silence.
What we see aren’t actually stars. Since these stars are so far away, the light they give off takes a really long time to reach earth. So when we do actually see it, the stars are no longer there.
Kibum just stares at Jinki.
Jinki laughs, cheeks tinted with red. Yes, he replies, they’re beautiful.
They continue star-gazing in silence. They were more than just friends, but they weren’t lovers. Kibum smiles.
He decides he likes it that way.
Days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months. Before long, it was Jinki’s birthday. They watched the stars, just like that night, on Kibum’s birthday. And again, it is Kibum who breaks the silence.
If our relationship was a star, would we shine forever?
Jinki laughs, shakes his head. No, he replies.
All stars fade away into oblivion, Kibum.
Kibum smiles at Jinki’s answer, lacing their fingers together. He has no reason to feel upset at all; it is the truth. (Kibum didn’t like being lied to.) They’d make the most of their time together.
The company eventually decides to pull Jonghyun out to debut as a soloist. It was the end of SHINee. Somehow, Kibum isn’t saddened; although his heart does break when their youngest bursts into tears. He has always known it was coming, and so has Jinki. They smile to each other.
It is their last night at the apartment, and they are once again out on the balcony for old time’s sake. They sit enshrouded in silence, stars glittering in the sky above. This time however, it is Jinki who speaks first.
Will we ever meet again?
His voice trembles a little, his breathing heavy. (He is hesitant, Kibum knows.)
Kibum pauses to think. No, he answers with finality, no.
Jinki smiles, and kisses Kibum’s forehead. It’s just as well, isn’t it?
Day breaks at their dorm, and Kibum knows he has to say goodbye to his band mates (and to his first love). But now, he is no longer afraid.
Goodbye, he whispers bravely to Jinki.
Goodbye isn’t the end, Kibum;
It’s the beginning of something magical.