May Angels Lead You In
May angels lead you in;
Jinki hung up the phone, and found that he was facing the worried faces of his band mates. He sighed quietly; they must have been alarmed about his tone on the phone. Kibum rubbed his arm gently, nudging him to tell them what was going on. My cousin died, Jinki said. Kibum immediately pulled him in for a hug, and the other members joined in. Jinki did not return the hug, nor did he push them away. Kibum kissed his temple as he pulled away from the group hug. Excusing himself quietly, he walked into their shared bedroom. Jonghyun attempted to follow him, but Minho held out and arm, and shook his head just slightly.
Jinki’s mind was swimming with thoughts as he sat down on his bed. At first he was alarmed to hear his mother’s voice speaking in such a low, harsh tone, but when he had heard that it was his cousin who had lost his life, he couldn’t help the relief that swept through his body. Part of him felt guilty, because frankly, he did not care, but the other half felt somewhat scared; at how detached he was. He had never met that cousin, but he didn’t even feel the pang of losing a family member. Vaguely, he found himself wondering what the people who knew him were feeling.
It was then, Jinki truly realised that he was an outsider. His family seemed so far away, like they weren’t real. It felt as if nothing affected Jinki. But tears prickled at his eyes, thinking about how so many people out there were dying, and nobody really cared as much as they should. He wondered, would people be sad if he was gone? Would anybody bother to cry for Lee Jinki? Jinki heard muffled voices from the living room, and he could distinctly make out Kibum’s voice above the rest. Kibum barged unceremoniously into the room, eyes ablaze with anger. But then he stopped, body relaxing at the sight of Jinki sitting on the edge of the bed. Sighing loudly, Kibum made his way to Jinki’s side, not forgetting to roll his eyes.
I’d have laughed if you were in here crying, Kibum sniffed, both of them knowing fully it was a lie.
(After all, Kibum only barged in because he was worried that Jinki had no shoulder to cry on.)
Jinki smiled, laying his head on Kibum’s shoulder. Ever since they debuted, the younger boy had been his confidant. He was the only one to whom Jinki showed his other side too. He never meant to, but the way Kibum’s eyes had looked right through him and demanded that he tell Kibum everything was too much for Jinki. It had all spilled. Kibum had stayed by Jinki’s side ever since.
I never knew him, Jinki breathed, tickling Kibum a little, and I don’t really care.
Kibum stayed quiet, waiting for Jinki to continue. After a pause, Jinki’s soft sobs filled the room. Kibum knew, it wasn’t because of anything in particular. Jinki was the kind of person who would keep quiet about his feelings, bottling it up until one day he couldn’t hold it in any longer. Kibum had decided a long time ago that he would always be there when Jinki needed someone to depend on.
It’s just, Jinki’s voice was barely above a whisper, there are so many people out there who are dying, and nobody cares.
Kibum sighed quietly, pressing his lips to Jinki’s temple once more. It was just like Jinki; to cry for other people, people he didn’t even know. Wordlessly, Kibum pulled their foreheads together, and held Jinki until his breaths evened out.
I’m so detached from my family, Kibum.
Kibum snorted slightly, rapping Jinki’s head lightly with his knuckles. You silly boy, he scolded, we are your family.
Jinki laughed a little. Before either of them knew it, their lips crashed together in an inexperienced first kiss. Kibum’s head spun from the impact, but he pulled Jinki closer to him. He had been waiting for this for ages.
No Kibum, we’re much more than that.
Five years along the road, Kim Kibum found himself at the cemetery in the middle of the night, hunched over a grave stone. If he closed his eyes, he could just imagine them back then, when nothing mattered to them, when the world was a faraway place. When Jinki wasn’t sick. Leaning against the grave stone, Kibum admired the stars in the night sky.
We never got to see the stars together, he said to no one.
Tears slipped from Kibum’s bright eyes. A small whisper of ‘thank you’ fell from his lips as he thought about how far he’s come. Kibum spent the night there, the fog swirling around him like a blanket. (Kibum knew he wasn’t alone.)
As the sun began to rise in the distance, Kibum picked himself up from the ground, singing to himself as he left. He didn’t bother to say goodbye, because Kibum believed, it wasn’t goodbye, not yet.
And if you were with me tonight
I’d sing to you, just one more time
A song for a heart so big,
God couldn’t let it live.
Jinki hung up the phone, and found that he was facing the worried faces of his band mates. He sighed quietly; they must have been alarmed about his tone on the phone. Kibum rubbed his arm gently, nudging him to tell them what was going on. My cousin died, Jinki said. Kibum immediately pulled him in for a hug, and the other members joined in. Jinki did not return the hug, nor did he push them away. Kibum kissed his temple as he pulled away from the group hug. Excusing himself quietly, he walked into their shared bedroom. Jonghyun attempted to follow him, but Minho held out and arm, and shook his head just slightly.
Jinki’s mind was swimming with thoughts as he sat down on his bed. At first he was alarmed to hear his mother’s voice speaking in such a low, harsh tone, but when he had heard that it was his cousin who had lost his life, he couldn’t help the relief that swept through his body. Part of him felt guilty, because frankly, he did not care, but the other half felt somewhat scared; at how detached he was. He had never met that cousin, but he didn’t even feel the pang of losing a family member. Vaguely, he found himself wondering what the people who knew him were feeling.
It was then, Jinki truly realised that he was an outsider. His family seemed so far away, like they weren’t real. It felt as if nothing affected Jinki. But tears prickled at his eyes, thinking about how so many people out there were dying, and nobody really cared as much as they should. He wondered, would people be sad if he was gone? Would anybody bother to cry for Lee Jinki? Jinki heard muffled voices from the living room, and he could distinctly make out Kibum’s voice above the rest. Kibum barged unceremoniously into the room, eyes ablaze with anger. But then he stopped, body relaxing at the sight of Jinki sitting on the edge of the bed. Sighing loudly, Kibum made his way to Jinki’s side, not forgetting to roll his eyes.
I’d have laughed if you were in here crying, Kibum sniffed, both of them knowing fully it was a lie.
(After all, Kibum only barged in because he was worried that Jinki had no shoulder to cry on.)
Jinki smiled, laying his head on Kibum’s shoulder. Ever since they debuted, the younger boy had been his confidant. He was the only one to whom Jinki showed his other side too. He never meant to, but the way Kibum’s eyes had looked right through him and demanded that he tell Kibum everything was too much for Jinki. It had all spilled. Kibum had stayed by Jinki’s side ever since.
I never knew him, Jinki breathed, tickling Kibum a little, and I don’t really care.
Kibum stayed quiet, waiting for Jinki to continue. After a pause, Jinki’s soft sobs filled the room. Kibum knew, it wasn’t because of anything in particular. Jinki was the kind of person who would keep quiet about his feelings, bottling it up until one day he couldn’t hold it in any longer. Kibum had decided a long time ago that he would always be there when Jinki needed someone to depend on.
It’s just, Jinki’s voice was barely above a whisper, there are so many people out there who are dying, and nobody cares.
Kibum sighed quietly, pressing his lips to Jinki’s temple once more. It was just like Jinki; to cry for other people, people he didn’t even know. Wordlessly, Kibum pulled their foreheads together, and held Jinki until his breaths evened out.
I’m so detached from my family, Kibum.
Kibum snorted slightly, rapping Jinki’s head lightly with his knuckles. You silly boy, he scolded, we are your family.
Jinki laughed a little. Before either of them knew it, their lips crashed together in an inexperienced first kiss. Kibum’s head spun from the impact, but he pulled Jinki closer to him. He had been waiting for this for ages.
No Kibum, we’re much more than that.
Five years along the road, Kim Kibum found himself at the cemetery in the middle of the night, hunched over a grave stone. If he closed his eyes, he could just imagine them back then, when nothing mattered to them, when the world was a faraway place. When Jinki wasn’t sick. Leaning against the grave stone, Kibum admired the stars in the night sky.
We never got to see the stars together, he said to no one.
Tears slipped from Kibum’s bright eyes. A small whisper of ‘thank you’ fell from his lips as he thought about how far he’s come. Kibum spent the night there, the fog swirling around him like a blanket. (Kibum knew he wasn’t alone.)
As the sun began to rise in the distance, Kibum picked himself up from the ground, singing to himself as he left. He didn’t bother to say goodbye, because Kibum believed, it wasn’t goodbye, not yet.
And if you were with me tonight
I’d sing to you, just one more time
A song for a heart so big,
God couldn’t let it live.