Amidst Gulls
Title: Amidst Gulls
Rating: PG-13 [Mature Themes]
Pairing: HanChul
Genre: One Shot, Romance, au
Synopsis: "People are like pieces of the world puzzle. When two pieces fit together, they make the world more complete."
A/N: So hi guys! I actually posted this on aff a while ago, so this isn't super new. My computer was being an ass and wouldn't let me upload it here, but I finally figured out how to do it! I missed you, Live Journal ;~; Enjoy guys!
Mongolia Street was a simple street. A simple street in a small town in which everyone was simple, or at least, tried to be simple. A town where everyone knew each other’s life stories, whether you liked it or not. It wasn’t really a great place for a teenager to grow up. Maybe a senior citizen, but definitely not a teenager.
It wasn’t often they got new people to move into town. Most of the families already living there had been there for generations. Besides, Heechul didn’t really see anyone wanting to move here willingly, but that’s just what the family who just moved in next door, the Hans, apparently wanted to do. Why, Heechul had no idea, but he wasn’t going to question it. Just by the last name he could tell they came here from another country, China, he guessed. Maybe they needed a fresh new start. Who was he to question that?
Heechul’s mother decided to bake a few desserts for them as a welcoming gift. “I wonder if they speak Korean,” she said as she measured out a cup of sugar for the cookies. “I hear they have a son your age, Heechul! Maybe he’s a year younger, but never mind it. How lucky! You know, my best friend lived next door when I was a child.” She continued to ramble on about some girl named Soojee until Heechul got up from the table.
“That’s really interesting, mom,” he said, trying to put as much mock interest in his voice as he could muster. “I’m gonna go up to my room, okay?” Before he could even take a step, his mother stopped him.
“Wait! Why don’t you take the brownies I already baked and bring them next door to introduce yourself! I’m sure their son would be interested in meeting you.”
Heechul sighed, thought about it for a moment, and nodded as he walked to the counter to grab the Tupperware of brownies. He didn’t particularly want to go meet them, but he might as well get it over with. It didn’t even occur to him that this whole situation could turn out really awkward if they didn’t speak Korean until he rang the doorbell to their house.
He heard some yelling in Chinese (he was right), and in a few moments, a tall, young looking woman answered the door with an easy smile. “Hello,” she said. “You are the boy that lives next door, right?” She had an accent, but she seemed completely fluent.
“Yeah,” he said, smiling back and feeling a little more comfortable. He held out the container of brownies. “Um, my mother made these for you, sort of as a welcome gift.”
She clapped her hands together. “Oh, lovely! Why don’t you come inside!” She took the container from him, and walked inside, Heechul following behind, thinking it polite to just accept the invitation.
Upon entering the house, he saw tons of boxes, as to be expected. He didn’t hang out with the people who lived next door before the Hans, considering they were old and grumpy and only ever talked to their own pets. He’d never been in the house before, and it was wide and spacious, much bigger than he thought it was from looking at the outside. He followed Mrs. Han into the kitchen, where she put down the brownies and pulled out two chairs from the table, one for herself and one for Heechul.
“I am Mrs. Han,” she said. “But you can call me Lanfen, I don’t mind.”
“I’m Heechul, it’s nice to meet you,” he said. “So you moved here from China?”
“Yes, we needed a change. My husband and I like to travel, and we speak many languages. We taught our son, Geng - ah, he has a Korean name now, Hankyung - we taught him Korean only, because we had hopes of moving here. I speak Korean, Japanese, Thai, and English as well as my mother tongue.”
“That’s amazing,” Heechul said, in awe. “I can barely speak my own language correctly.”
Lanfen laughed. “You are a funny boy. You are how old?”
“I’m sixteen.”
“Oh? My son is fifteen. I think he is unpacking things in his room. Would you like to meet him?”
Heechul shrugged. It seemed as if the whole universe was trying to get him to meet this kid today. “Sure!”
“Geng!” she yelled, followed by something in Chinese. He heard a response from upstairs, sounding like a protest. After another yell from Lanfen, he heard footsteps coming down the stairs and into the kitchen.
Heechul was shocked to find that the boys was… well, really handsome. He wasn’t handsome in a classic way like a celebrity, but handsome in an intriguing, unique way. Heechul really just wanted to stare at him, but that would’ve been totally weird, so he settled for saying, “Hi, I’m Heechul. Nice to meet you.”
He smiled, and with an accent to match his mother’s he replied, “Hello, I’m Geng, but you can just call me Hankyung. It’s easier, supposedly.”
Heechul knew he was gonna like this family.
--
Heechul’s mother was thrilled to know that her son liked their new neighbors, so she invited them over for dinner to get to know them better. She had spent the whole day cleaning the house and getting everything in tip top shape. She even took out the plates that they kept in the cabinet for show, saying, “It’s the first time having them over, we need to make a good impression.” When the house looked as clean as Heechul had ever seen it, they had just about an hour before their guests arrived.
Which gave him just enough time to think about Hankyung. When they had met that first day, they exchanged phone numbers and had been texting each other over the span of a few days. Hankyung was much cooler than he expected, and wasn’t awkward at all, like Heechul had feared. He was a really nice guy, and he was sort of indescribable, in the best way possible. He had that really loving and open personality, and gave off the air of someone you could tell all your secrets to. He was actually excited to see Hankyung again. Well, technically he had seen him, every day when he was getting ready for school and waiting at the bus stop. He could see Hankyung’s living room window from his own bedroom’s window, and not that he was peeping or anything, because that would be totally creepy, he saw him or his family any time he glanced out his window. They were at the same bus stop for school, and they would chat a bit there, but it wasn’t enough for Heechul. They must’ve had completely different schedules, too, because he never ran into him in the hallways at school. Heechul craved a conversation with him, because if it was anything like his texts, it would be good. Hankyung was smart and witty, and Heechul loved that about him.
When the Hans arrived, Heechul’s mother greeted them with hugs, and a friendly kiss on both cheeks for Lanfen. Heechul’s father gave Mr. Han a firm handshake, a lighter one for Lanfen, and a simple hello to Hankyung. To Heechul’s surprise, Lanfen gave him a hug as well. She was warm, and smelled like vanilla perfume.
“Hey, Heechul,” Hankyung said. He was wearing a black button-down shirt, and Heechul couldn’t help but stare a bit. Again he was hit with just how handsome Hankyung was. Heechul smiled back at him, trying to tear his eyes away from Hankyung’s chest, because he was being gross. Who even does that?
Dinner went by without a hitch; the parents made friendly conversation, asking each other about what they did for a living, what there life was like back in China. Heechul and Hankyung were sitting at the end of the table together, apart from the conversations of their parents.
“-and my mom keeps bugging me about college. Honestly, I have no idea what I want to do with my life,” Heechul said to Hankyung. “I mean, I’m sixteen, I can’t even decide whether to wear a blue sweater or a black sweater, and they expect me to know what I want as a career?”
“I feel like there’s too much pressure on students,” Hankyung agreed. “We’re expected to do so much at such an early age, it’s a little much some times.”
“Do you have any idea what you want to do?” Heechul asked. “I mean, you have more time than I do to decide, I’m just curious.”
“I’m not sure,” Hankyung said, taking a sip of soda. “I mean, I have an idea, but it’s sort of stupid. More embarrassing than stupid, actually.”
Heechul grinned, amused. “What is it?”
“I’m not telling!”
“If you tell me your silly dream, I’ll tell you mine,” Heechul said.
“You have a silly dream too?” Hankyung asked, looking interested.
“You spill first if you wanna know,” Heechul reminded him.
Hankyung sighed, and with a slight blush to his cheeks he said, “I wanna dance.”
“Dancing, eh?” Heechul said. “You don’t strike me as the type.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Hankyung said. “I’m not faggy enough to be a dancer?”
Heechul laughed. “Well, there’s a lot I don’t know about you.”
“Remember the deal, you tell me yours now,” Hankyung said, leaning in and resting his head in his hands.
“I wanna draw,” Heechul admitted. “I like art. It might be the only thing I’m actually good at.”
“I would love to see one of your drawings,” Hankyung said.
“Only after you dance for me,” Heechul winked.
--
Spring was nothing like anyone expected it to be. Spring was beginning cold and damp, to the disappointment of everyone in the town. Although Heechul didn’t care much about the weather, he liked to take walks down by the beach. The beach was a five minute walk from his house, and you could say that the beach was his happy place. The waves and the sand had this was of instantly calming him down, and he needed that every once in a while. He had waited in anticipation all winter to go for some walks, but with their spring, it would be a dreary walk. Still, he wanted to get out, so he threw on his sneakers, pulled a sweatshirt over his head, and started out the door.
He noticed Hankyung sitting on his lawn out of the corner of his eye. He was reading a book, legs crossed, eyes narrowed in concentration. Heechul didn’t want to bother him, so he just silently walked by. Yet, he didn’t go unnoticed.
“Heechul, hey!” he heard Hankyung say, followed by the sound of a light jog up to him. Soon they were walking together. “Where are you going?”
“To the beach,” Heechul said.
Hankyung cocked his head to the side. “There’s a beach?”
“You really need to get out more,” Heechul said. “This whole town is practically right on the water.”
“Huh,” he said. “Would you mind if I walked with you?”
Heechul usually went to the beach by himself, and as much as he liked Hankyung, he’d rather be alone to unwind. Still, to be nice, he nodded his head.
Soon the asphalt of the road turned to dirt and soon enough, to sand as they neared the beach. There were three rocks, put there as a sort of mini jetty, that Heechul liked to climb on and relax on. He sat down on top of one, and motioned for Hankyung to take the other.
“This place is actually really beautiful,” Hankyung said, taking in the view. “I see why you wanted to come.”
“It’s sort of a stress reliever,” Heechul said. “Sometimes I come here to draw, too. I like to draw the seagulls.”
“Why seagulls? They’re not all that special.”
“If I’m not gonna draw them, who else will?”
“You seem like one of those people who finds beauty in everything,” Hankyung said. “Even seagulls.”
“Beauty doesn’t come easily,” Heechul said. “You have to search for it, dig really deep to find it. Although it’s hard work, it’s better than everything around you being ugly.”
Hankyung didn’t respond, only hugged his knees to his chest as he stared out at the water. It was almost as if he was looking for something, and Heechul wanted to know. A part of him wanted to know what was inside Hankyung’s head, see all the gears running in his brain, but another part didn’t want to know, for fear Hankyung’s mind would be full of things he didn’t want to hear. Suddenly he felt extremely self-conscious, brushing his long hair back behind his ears and smoothing down his sweatshirt.
“Why are you doing that?” Hankyung said, without even looking at him.
“Doing what?” Heechul mumbled, looking away.
“Doubting yourself. I can see it.” Heechul didn’t answer. “Are you afraid of me?”
“It’s not fear,” Heechul insisted. “I don’t know what it is, but when I figure it out, you’ll be the first to know.”
--
Hankyung had come over that day to do homework, their books spread about Heechul’s room messily. Since Heechul was a year above, he helped out Hankyung with any problems he had. Heechul was halfway through his Korean essay when he got a mental block. He sighed and took a hair elastic off his wrist, pulling his hair up. In his peripheral vision he saw Hankyung looking at him, saw the boy’s eyes watching every move of his arm, his hand, his fingers… He ignored it, for the soul reason of not knowing how to react. Instead, he looked back down at his paper, biting the tip of his pencil.
“Oh shit,” Heechul said a few minutes later, dropping his pencil. “Mom said while she’s gone I have to run to the store.” He bit his lip. “You wanna go there with me quick?”
“Sure, I don’t mind,” he said, putting his book down. “Who’s gonna drive us, though?”
Heechul chuckled. “It’s so obvious you’re not from around here.”
The two of them started their walk to the store, Heechul explaining that it was only a short walk. He’d been going to the store to run errands for his parents since he was little, and the owner of the store was a woman that reminded him of his grandmother. She always discounted him and gave him things for free, even when Heechul insisted he would pay full price. You could get everything at the General Store - Hankyung laughed at that, saying that this town must be really old if it actually had a General Store - from breakfast foods to materials to fix a boat. Everyone in town went there for anything they needed.
“Hey Gamjee,” he said walking through the door, the bell on top jingling as he entered with Hankyung.
Gamjee emerged from behind the counter. “Heechul, hello!” She looked at Hankyung. “Who’s he?”
“I just moved in next door to Heechul. I’m Hankyung,” he replied.
“Oh, you’re the Han’s son! I heard about you guys!” she said. “Well, I hope you like it here, because I know I sure do. Been here since I was a youngin, will probably be here ‘till I die.”
“You live in a beautiful town,” Hankyung said. “It’s a big change, since I used to live in a city, but I like it.”
Heechul tried to remember everything his mother told him to get, brought it up to the counter, and paid (with the usual fight with Gamjee). He walked out the door with the brown paper bag of groceries in his arms, Hankyung following.
“Thanks for coming with me,” Heechul said, stopping in front of his driveway.
In lieu of a response, and to Heechul’s complete and utter shock, Hankyung leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. Heechul would have dropped the groceries, had he not quickly gotten a hold of himself. He had no idea why Hankyung just did that. If he wanted to make Heechul feel awkward, he definitely succeeded. Hankyung looked at him, as if waiting for a response.
“I… I have to go,” he said, turning around. “I’ll give you your books tomorrow, just… just leave, okay?” Heechul didn’t wait around to hear Hankyung’s response as he slammed the door of his house behind him.
What if Hankyung had a crush on him? Was it even possible? Was he just trying to be funny? Maybe guys kiss each other when they become friends in China? Perhaps he could write it off as a cultural difference. He began to feel a little guilty about sending Hankyung home, but it would just be too weird to be with him now. He needed some time to think about this, even though it was the last thing he ever wanted to contemplate.
--
The sound of the sea crashing against the beach was enough of a filler to make the silence between them bearable.
“Can I say something sort of weird…?” Heechul suddenly asked.
Hankyung turned to him. “Anything.”
“I, well… I think about you a lot,” he admitted.
“What about me?” Hankyung asked, seeming interested.
“Nothing really special,” Heechul said. “Just about the things you say, sometimes I see things and they remind me of you.” He shrugged. “It’s weird though.”
“That’s not weird,” Hankyung said. “It’s because we’re friends, it’s a normal thing.”
“If we’re friends like you say we are,” Heechul said hesitantly. “Can I ask you something sort of personal?”
“You can ask me anything,” he said.
“Are you gay, Hankyung?”
He sat back against the rock. “I don’t think so,” he said. “I mean, I haven’t put much thought into it, but I don’t think I am.” Heechul nodded. “Is this because I kissed you?”
“Yeah,” Heechul said. “Actually, I’ve thought about that too.”
“I don’t know why I kissed you,” Hankyung said. “I just wanted to, so I did. If it made you feel weird, I’m sorry.”
“It was a little weird,” Heechul admitted. “But I mean… it’s you, so it’s not that weird. If it were anyone else, it would have been weirder.”
“Would you let me kiss you again?” Hankyung asked.
“I suppose, if you really wanted to.”
“How about hugging you?”
“That too.”
Hankyung stared at him for a while, and jumped over to the rock Heechul was sitting on. Heechul stood up, and immediately he was engulfed in a hug. He stiffened up at first, but after a moment, wrapped his arms around Hankyung in return. He thought about how bad it would be if anyone saw them doing this, but those thoughts dissolved away as he rested his head on Hankyung’s shoulder.
“Meet me outside when it gets dark tonight,” Hankyung said, voice soft and close. Heechul didn’t question it, only tightened his hold around Hankyung’s torso as a ‘yes.’
Sundown couldn’t come quick enough. Heechul slipped quietly out his ground floor window, trying his best to not be detected by his parents. He was successful, and other than causing a few neighborhood dogs to bark at his presence, his getaway went completely unnoticed.
“You know,” Heechul said, walking over to where he saw Hankyung leaning against the side of his house. “This reminds me of a certain play by Shakespeare, involving a pair of certain star-crossed lovers. ‘Come, gentle night; come, loving, black browed night. Give me my Romeo, and when I shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will be in love with the night…’”
“Looks like we have a literature nerd upon us,” Hankyung said with a chuckle. “’It is my soul that calls upon my name; how silver sweet lovers’ tongues by night like the softest music to attending ears!’”
“Apparently I’m not the only one,” he grinned. “So, what do we do this fine night, my Romeo?”
“Well, Juliet,” he said, grabbing Heechul by the wrist. “You’ll just have to wait and find out.”
They walked around the neighborhood for a long time, simply taking in the night. Heechul had never really walked about at night, so it was actually quite beautiful to see their seaside town cloaked in darkness, illuminated only by the crescent moon. Not once did Heechul’s wrist slip from Hankyung’s hold. It wasn’t a commanding hold or a tight one, it was loose and almost intimate, as if he was too nervous to hold Heechul’s hand, so he settled for his wrist.
They soon entered the woods. Heechul had only ever seen the outside and never been in, for he had seen no reason to ever go in the woods. It was funny, though. Heechul had lived here all his life, yet Hankyung was the one showing him around. They reached a part of the woods where there was a clearing in the trees, and they sat down. The clearing made the sky completely visible if you laid down and looked up, so that’s exactly what they did. It was stunning, the sky. It made Heechul feel so small, looking up at the vast nothingness above them.
“I was wandering around a few nights ago and stumbled upon this place,” Hankyung said, a dreamy look in his eyes. “I wish I could come here every night.”
“What’s stopping you from doing so?” Heechul asked, propping himself up with his elbow to the ground.
Hankyung shrugged as he too sat up. “Nothing, I suppose. Maybe I will come here every night.”
“Would you mind if I joined you?”
“I’d prefer it, actually.”
They sat there in a comfortable silence for a while, until Hankyung spoke. “Heechul?”
“Yeah?” Heechul answered, lying back down on his back.
“You said it was okay for me to kiss you whenever, right?”
Heechul’s heartbeat sped up. “I did say that, yes.”
Suddenly Hankyung was over him, arms on either side of Heechul’s body. Heechul tried not to make eye contact. “Well, you never specified where I could kiss you.” He brought his face closer. “Where can I kiss you, Heechul?”
Heechul bit his lip. “I-I guess… wherever you want.” Heechul felt a strange tingling in his fingertips, perhaps of anticipation. He didn’t know what Hankyung was going to do next, he never seemed to know, but right now, he wanted to know. Wanted to know so he wouldn’t misread things, would know how to act.
“How about your cheeks?” Hankyung said, placing a light kiss on both cheeks. Heechul nodded, blushing. “Your jaw?” He kissed up Heechul’s jaw. Things continued liked that, Hankyung kissing him on every part of his face. From his jaw, to his ear, down to his neck… Somewhere along the line Heechul put his fingers in Hankyung’s hair, hands on the back of Hankyung’s neck as he continued. His forehead, his nose (making Heechul giggle)… and then his lips. It was a light kiss, but it didn’t counteract the heaviness he felt in his heart. When Hankyung pulled away he stared at Heechul, much like he did when he first kissed him on the cheek those days ago. But this time, Heechul didn’t feel awkward. Instead, he pulled Hankyung down for another kiss, savoring the taste of his lips. It may not have been his first kiss, but this felt like something new. Heechul couldn’t tell you how long they stayed there, kissing and feeling each other, because for the first time, things finally made sense, and he wasn’t going to abandon that.
--
Hankyung licking, kissing, biting him.
The sound of moans echoing off the walls.
Back arching, lip biting until it bled, crying out Hankyung’s name.
Heechul woke up with a jolt, and he probably would have screamed had he not gathered his bearings. He ran his fingers through his hair stressfully, because this was completely and utterly not normal. He felt disgusted that his brain made him think of Hankyung in that way, and was angry that there was nothing he could have done to stop such a dream. Like everything wasn’t bad enough, to top it all off, he had an embarrassing erection that he’d have to hide. He really wanted to punch something, but there was nothing to punch except his pillow, and that wouldn’t have been satisfying. He wanted to break something, take his anger on himself out on something. He didn’t want to think of Hankyung in this way. Kissing him was at least innocent, but this - this was madness, dreaming about having sex with him. He shuddered at the thought.
He tried convincing himself that this was all just teenage hormones, that this sort of thing would stop eventually and things could go back to normal. Then again, things probably wouldn’t be normal ever again considering they made out in the woods. He wanted to kick himself for letting Hankyung do that. Not that he didn’t enjoy it, because even though it was hard to admit, he certainly did; it was more the idea of what they did that was hard to swallow. While he was kissing Hankyung, it didn’t quite register that they were both boys. Now, that he had some time to reflect on it, it was like a slap in the face. You kissed a boy. You dreamt about having sex with a boy. A boy turned you on enough to give you an erection. His mind screamed “Boy, boy, boy!” He groaned. How was he going to fix this? How would he make things okay? For lack of anything better to do, he just crawled back into bed, pulled the covers over his head, and went back to sleep. It would have to do for now.
--
“Hey mom?” Heechul asked, as his mother was straightening up the living room. “Um, just out of curiosity, because I’ve… been seeing it on the news lately, what’s your view on gay marriage?”
Heechul’s mother stopped in thought. “Well, to me, if two people aren’t allowed to get married, they were never meant to be with each other to begin with. It’s not the way things are supposed to go, because you see, the world has natural order, and when you mess up that natural order, it just doesn’t work. A man and a woman is natural, a man and a man, or a woman and a woman, simply are not.”
“Do you know any gay people, mom?”
“Oh no,” she said, as if the mere thought of knowing someone gay was scandalous. “Not in this town. And if there were any gays in this town, trust me, everyone would know. Gossip like that spreads around like wildfire. That’s the beauty of living in a small town.”
More like the curse, Heechul thought as he thanked his mom for her useless opinion and made his way out the door.
“Heechul, hey! Wait up!” he heard as he was walking down to the beach. “Heechul, please, I just wanna talk!”
Heechul finally turned around, because the sadness in Hankyung’s tone really made him feel guilty.
“Heechul,” he said. “I haven’t talked to you in days. What’s going on with my Juliet?”
“Don’t call me that,” Heechul snapped, and he instantly regretted it as Hankyung looked extremely hurt. “Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap, I just… I have a lot going on right now.”
“Well maybe I can help,” Hankyung said, following Heechul as he continued to walk.
“No, see, I can’t,” Heechul said. “Because it’s you. You’re my problem.”
Hankyung hung his head. “I knew you were mad at me…”
“I’m not mad at you, I’m more mad at myself,” he admitted. “I’m mad that I can’t control my emotions, and I’m mad that you’re always on my mind. I’m mad that no matter how hard I try, I can’t push you away.”
They two finally reached the beach. Heechul sat in the sand, and Hankyung followed. “Why are you trying to push me away?” he asked.
“Because this could get us into real trouble, Hankyung,” Heechul said softly. “I don’t think you understand the severity of this situation. If we go through with whatever this is, we can’t be normal. Our lives will never be the same.”
“Heechul, I’m-fuck, are you crying?” Hankyung tried to put an arm around him, but Heechul slapped him away.
“Fuck off, I’m not crying,” he said, sniffling and trying to wipe away any reminisce of tears.
Hankyung sighed. “Look, I understand the consequences completely of us having ‘this’ sort of relationship,” he said. “And I thought about it a lot. This wasn’t easy for me either, Heechul, and I’m just as confused as you are.”
“Well, what are we supposed to do about this?” Heechul said, putting his face in his hands.
He felt Hankyung’s arm fall around him slowly. “I guess we do whatever feels right.”
“Being with you feels right, even though it’s not,” Heechul said, snuggling up against him.
“Then we’ll do just that.”
“Mom says two men being together isn’t natural.”
“It might not be,” Hankyung said, amidst gulls chirping. “But so what? I’ve always hated nature, anyway.”
--
Hankyung had been practically begging to see one of Heechul’s drawings, but Heechul didn’t forget their proposition - he would show Hankyung a drawing after he danced for him. So, Hankyung had come over that day prepared to show Heechul everything he learned about dance back in China.
Heechul sat back in his desk chair and watched. He had been secretly anticipating watching Hankyung dance. His expectations were met if not exceeded when he saw the real thing.
Hankyung danced in a mixture of ballet and something he couldn’t quite pick up on; perhaps it was a Chinese dance. Nonetheless, Heechul was completely amazed. His eyes were glued to Hankyung’s body, the twists and the bends that seemed damn near impossible for a human to pull off, but somehow Hankyung did. Heechul’s drawings were shit compared to the caliber in which Hankyung danced. As much as he tried to focus on the sheer talent before him, teenage hormones were blurring his vision as all he could see was the way Hankyung’s shirt rode up and how it exposed the skin on his back, the sound of his breath, and everything in between. He tried to think of something less arousing, but all he could think about was how Hankyung’s hips should be on him right now.
When Hankyung finished, Heechul stood up and clapped for him. “Bravo, Bravo,” he said with a smile. “I have to say, Hankyung, you’re incredible.”
“Show me one of your drawings now!”
Heechul chuckled. “You get right to the point.” He pulled a sketchbook out from his desk drawer and passed it to Hankyung. “Go nuts.”
Hankyung sat on the bed and eagerly flipped through the sketchbook, stopping ever so often to admire the work. He stopped on a certain page. “So this is what you meant when you said you drew the seagulls…” He looked amazed.
Heechul had drawn the gulls from hundreds of different angles, drew their eyes, the details in the feathers, even the way their wings bent when they flew.
“I tried to capture the inner beauty,” Heechul said.
“If everyone saw seagulls your way, maybe they’d be more appreciated,” Hankyung said.
He flipped through a few more pages, Heechul not really paying attention. “What’s this one?” he asked, seeming far too amused. Heechul was scared by that tone, glancing at the book. He immediately snatched it from Hankyung, because he was most certainly not supposed to see that. But Hankyung was taller, and snatched the book quickly back. “Is that me?” he asked, cocky grin on his face.
“That could be anyone!” Heechul insisted, trying to take it back, but Hankyung was holding it just out of reach. “It’s not finished, anyway!”
“There’s an outline of another person, too. Would that be you, Heechul?”
“Shut up, oh my god!” Heechul said, finally taking the book back. The picture that Heechul had begun to draw was one of Hankyung and himself, Hankyung hugging him from behind, placing a kiss on his neck. It was not meant for anyone’s eyes other than his own, so now you could say he was completely mortified.
“If that’s what you wanted me to do, Heechul,” he said, backing him up against the wall. “Why didn’t you just say so?”
“Art is art, and nothing more,” Heechul said, looking down and biting his lip.
“Don’t think I didn’t see you watching me while I danced,” Hankyung muttered in his ear. “I knew what you were trying to hide, crossing your legs.” Heechul was sure he was blushing a deep red. He’d never really seen this side of Hankyung, and he sort of… liked it. “I turn you on, don’t I Heechul?” The way he said his name with that accent of his sent shivers down his spine.
“Honestly, you have no idea,” Heechul said, grabbing Hankyung by the shirt and pulling him in and crashing their lips together in a kiss. Hankyung’s hips slightly brushed against his own, and Heechul couldn’t hold back a gasp. He was so turned on it was embarrassing, and he was embarrassingly obvious.
“Can I… Can I try something?” Hankyung asked, hand traveling down Heechul’s chest.
Suddenly the alarm went back off in his brain, screaming “Boy, boy! Hankyung is a boy! You don’t let boys touch you that way!” Despite the warnings, he nodded. The screams in his mind soon faded away, replaced by nothing but Hankyung.
--
Heechul just stood there, not really knowing what to do. He heard lots of yelling in Chinese coming from Hankyung’s father, and it sounded harsh and angry. He was supposed to go over Hankyung’s house to study, but he just stood there at the end of their driveway, not really wanting to walk in in the middle of an all-out war with words.
Suddenly he heard Hankyung yelling back, and it sounded just as harsh. It sounded so odd, hearing Hankyung yell. Whatever he was arguing about with his father, it must’ve been something he really cared about by the way he seemed to be deflecting everything his father said with a comeback. Heechul wished he knew what they were saying, and what Hankyung was defending so passionately.
Just then Hankyung looked out the window and spotted Heechul, who didn’t know what to do other than stand there awkwardly. Hankyung turned from his father and made his way out the door. Soon he was a few feet away from Heechul.
“What’s going on?” Heechul asked, worried.
Hankyung didn’t answer. Instead, he put his arm around Heechul and started walking away from the house. Heechul noticed that Hankyung looked back through the window of his house, as if to make sure that his father saw him put his arm around him.
“Hankyung, I need an explanation,” Heechul said, after they’d walked for a while. “What’s going on?”
“My father tried to forbid me from seeing you anymore,” Hankyung practically growled. “Who the hell does he think he is, telling me who I can and cannot be around?”
“Why would he try to do that?” Heechul asked. “I thought he liked me.”
Hankyung sighed. “I think he suspects us, Heechul.”
Heechul’s heart dropped. “What? How? You didn’t tell him anything, did you?”
“Of course not! He thinks we’re just friends, but--” he stopped.
“Tell me,” Heechul said.
“I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”
“I can take it.”
“…he says you look ‘too gay’ and that I shouldn’t hang out with you anymore because you were ‘a disgrace.’ He also called you some other things I’m not gonna say. That’s why I got so angry and started yelling back at him. Then, he said that if I hung around you too long I’d turn into…” He coughed. “Remember, his words not mine. I’d turn into ‘a fag’ if I hung out with you, and maybe it was already too late for me. I just got so angry, Heechul.”
Heechul was in shock. No one had ever told him he looked gay before. Was he even gay? Okay, that was debatable in his mind, but he looked gay? What did that even mean? He’d probably be paranoid for the rest of his life, now.
“And what did you say?” Heechul asked flatly.
“That I care about you, and I’m not gonna abandon you just because he doesn’t like you. I threw some expletives in there, but that’s pretty much what I said.”
Heechul sighed. “I can’t believe I’ve made you fight with your father.”
“You didn’t make me do anything,” Hankyung insisted. “That was all me. I’ve wanted to tell him off for so many years now, and I guess I just finally cracked with what he said.”
Heechul felt like more of a burden than ever.
--
Someone was knocking at the door, and since he was the only one home, he had no choice but to answer it. He looked out the window first to make sure it wasn’t a creep, and to his surprise, saw Lanfen on his stoop.
“Hey, Lanfen,” Heechul said, answering the door with a smile. “You must be here for my mother, right? I’m sorry, she’s not home.”
“Actually, I am not here to see your mother,” she said. “I am here to speak with you, Heechul.”
“Oh,” he said, eyes widening. “Well, come in.”
Heechul poured Lanfen a cup of tea, trying his best to be polite as possible. He didn’t know what she came here to discuss, but it didn’t seem too bad, considering Lanfen had her usual soft smile on her face.
“Thank you, Heechul dear,” she said.
“So what is it you wanted to discuss?” Heechul said, sitting down at the table.
“I wanted to apologize for my husband,” she said. “I know he has been… well, did Geng tell you?”
“Yeah,” Heechul nodded. “Yeah, he did.”
“I want to say I am very sorry for what he said,” she explained. “I am sorry if what he said hurt you. My husband does not know the world as well as I do, so he is not very open to different people. I apologize very much to you.”
“It’s okay, really,” Heechul said, sighing a bit. “I just hope Hankyung and I can still be friends.”
“Of course you can still be friends,” she smiled. “My mother used to always say to me, ‘人们都像件的世界难题。当两片结合在一起，他们使世界更完整。’”.
Heechul blinked. “What does that mean?”
“Let me see if I can get it right in Korean,” she giggled. “’People are like pieces of the world puzzle. When two pieces fit together, they make the world more complete.’ You and Geng fit together, to keep you apart would be taking away a piece of the world.”
--
“What gave you the idea to do this?” Heechul asked, amused.
“I’m not gonna lie, I saw it on TV once and I’ve always wanted to do it,” he laughed. “Besides, I thought it would be cool.”
“And you’re a pyro maniac,” Heechul laughed.
“Eh, that could be it, too.”
The two were sitting around a bonfire they made on the sand at the beach, each with a piece of paper and a pen in their hands. It was the Chinese New Year, and Hankyung said it would be a cool idea to write down bad things that happened in the year, or thing they didn’t like about themselves, and throw it in the fire to create a clean slate, a fresh new start. Heechul had a list that took up the whole page, and when they were both done, they threw it in at the same time. It was nice to watch everything over the past months burn away.
“I’m glad I get to make a new start with you,” Hankyung said, putting his arm around Heechul.
Heechul smiled. “Me too, Hankyung. Me too.”
Rating: PG-13 [Mature Themes]
Pairing: HanChul
Genre: One Shot, Romance, au
Synopsis: "People are like pieces of the world puzzle. When two pieces fit together, they make the world more complete."
A/N: So hi guys! I actually posted this on aff a while ago, so this isn't super new. My computer was being an ass and wouldn't let me upload it here, but I finally figured out how to do it! I missed you, Live Journal ;~; Enjoy guys!
Mongolia Street was a simple street. A simple street in a small town in which everyone was simple, or at least, tried to be simple. A town where everyone knew each other’s life stories, whether you liked it or not. It wasn’t really a great place for a teenager to grow up. Maybe a senior citizen, but definitely not a teenager.
It wasn’t often they got new people to move into town. Most of the families already living there had been there for generations. Besides, Heechul didn’t really see anyone wanting to move here willingly, but that’s just what the family who just moved in next door, the Hans, apparently wanted to do. Why, Heechul had no idea, but he wasn’t going to question it. Just by the last name he could tell they came here from another country, China, he guessed. Maybe they needed a fresh new start. Who was he to question that?
Heechul’s mother decided to bake a few desserts for them as a welcoming gift. “I wonder if they speak Korean,” she said as she measured out a cup of sugar for the cookies. “I hear they have a son your age, Heechul! Maybe he’s a year younger, but never mind it. How lucky! You know, my best friend lived next door when I was a child.” She continued to ramble on about some girl named Soojee until Heechul got up from the table.
“That’s really interesting, mom,” he said, trying to put as much mock interest in his voice as he could muster. “I’m gonna go up to my room, okay?” Before he could even take a step, his mother stopped him.
“Wait! Why don’t you take the brownies I already baked and bring them next door to introduce yourself! I’m sure their son would be interested in meeting you.”
Heechul sighed, thought about it for a moment, and nodded as he walked to the counter to grab the Tupperware of brownies. He didn’t particularly want to go meet them, but he might as well get it over with. It didn’t even occur to him that this whole situation could turn out really awkward if they didn’t speak Korean until he rang the doorbell to their house.
He heard some yelling in Chinese (he was right), and in a few moments, a tall, young looking woman answered the door with an easy smile. “Hello,” she said. “You are the boy that lives next door, right?” She had an accent, but she seemed completely fluent.
“Yeah,” he said, smiling back and feeling a little more comfortable. He held out the container of brownies. “Um, my mother made these for you, sort of as a welcome gift.”
She clapped her hands together. “Oh, lovely! Why don’t you come inside!” She took the container from him, and walked inside, Heechul following behind, thinking it polite to just accept the invitation.
Upon entering the house, he saw tons of boxes, as to be expected. He didn’t hang out with the people who lived next door before the Hans, considering they were old and grumpy and only ever talked to their own pets. He’d never been in the house before, and it was wide and spacious, much bigger than he thought it was from looking at the outside. He followed Mrs. Han into the kitchen, where she put down the brownies and pulled out two chairs from the table, one for herself and one for Heechul.
“I am Mrs. Han,” she said. “But you can call me Lanfen, I don’t mind.”
“I’m Heechul, it’s nice to meet you,” he said. “So you moved here from China?”
“Yes, we needed a change. My husband and I like to travel, and we speak many languages. We taught our son, Geng - ah, he has a Korean name now, Hankyung - we taught him Korean only, because we had hopes of moving here. I speak Korean, Japanese, Thai, and English as well as my mother tongue.”
“That’s amazing,” Heechul said, in awe. “I can barely speak my own language correctly.”
Lanfen laughed. “You are a funny boy. You are how old?”
“I’m sixteen.”
“Oh? My son is fifteen. I think he is unpacking things in his room. Would you like to meet him?”
Heechul shrugged. It seemed as if the whole universe was trying to get him to meet this kid today. “Sure!”
“Geng!” she yelled, followed by something in Chinese. He heard a response from upstairs, sounding like a protest. After another yell from Lanfen, he heard footsteps coming down the stairs and into the kitchen.
Heechul was shocked to find that the boys was… well, really handsome. He wasn’t handsome in a classic way like a celebrity, but handsome in an intriguing, unique way. Heechul really just wanted to stare at him, but that would’ve been totally weird, so he settled for saying, “Hi, I’m Heechul. Nice to meet you.”
He smiled, and with an accent to match his mother’s he replied, “Hello, I’m Geng, but you can just call me Hankyung. It’s easier, supposedly.”
Heechul knew he was gonna like this family.
--
Heechul’s mother was thrilled to know that her son liked their new neighbors, so she invited them over for dinner to get to know them better. She had spent the whole day cleaning the house and getting everything in tip top shape. She even took out the plates that they kept in the cabinet for show, saying, “It’s the first time having them over, we need to make a good impression.” When the house looked as clean as Heechul had ever seen it, they had just about an hour before their guests arrived.
Which gave him just enough time to think about Hankyung. When they had met that first day, they exchanged phone numbers and had been texting each other over the span of a few days. Hankyung was much cooler than he expected, and wasn’t awkward at all, like Heechul had feared. He was a really nice guy, and he was sort of indescribable, in the best way possible. He had that really loving and open personality, and gave off the air of someone you could tell all your secrets to. He was actually excited to see Hankyung again. Well, technically he had seen him, every day when he was getting ready for school and waiting at the bus stop. He could see Hankyung’s living room window from his own bedroom’s window, and not that he was peeping or anything, because that would be totally creepy, he saw him or his family any time he glanced out his window. They were at the same bus stop for school, and they would chat a bit there, but it wasn’t enough for Heechul. They must’ve had completely different schedules, too, because he never ran into him in the hallways at school. Heechul craved a conversation with him, because if it was anything like his texts, it would be good. Hankyung was smart and witty, and Heechul loved that about him.
When the Hans arrived, Heechul’s mother greeted them with hugs, and a friendly kiss on both cheeks for Lanfen. Heechul’s father gave Mr. Han a firm handshake, a lighter one for Lanfen, and a simple hello to Hankyung. To Heechul’s surprise, Lanfen gave him a hug as well. She was warm, and smelled like vanilla perfume.
“Hey, Heechul,” Hankyung said. He was wearing a black button-down shirt, and Heechul couldn’t help but stare a bit. Again he was hit with just how handsome Hankyung was. Heechul smiled back at him, trying to tear his eyes away from Hankyung’s chest, because he was being gross. Who even does that?
Dinner went by without a hitch; the parents made friendly conversation, asking each other about what they did for a living, what there life was like back in China. Heechul and Hankyung were sitting at the end of the table together, apart from the conversations of their parents.
“-and my mom keeps bugging me about college. Honestly, I have no idea what I want to do with my life,” Heechul said to Hankyung. “I mean, I’m sixteen, I can’t even decide whether to wear a blue sweater or a black sweater, and they expect me to know what I want as a career?”
“I feel like there’s too much pressure on students,” Hankyung agreed. “We’re expected to do so much at such an early age, it’s a little much some times.”
“Do you have any idea what you want to do?” Heechul asked. “I mean, you have more time than I do to decide, I’m just curious.”
“I’m not sure,” Hankyung said, taking a sip of soda. “I mean, I have an idea, but it’s sort of stupid. More embarrassing than stupid, actually.”
Heechul grinned, amused. “What is it?”
“I’m not telling!”
“If you tell me your silly dream, I’ll tell you mine,” Heechul said.
“You have a silly dream too?” Hankyung asked, looking interested.
“You spill first if you wanna know,” Heechul reminded him.
Hankyung sighed, and with a slight blush to his cheeks he said, “I wanna dance.”
“Dancing, eh?” Heechul said. “You don’t strike me as the type.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Hankyung said. “I’m not faggy enough to be a dancer?”
Heechul laughed. “Well, there’s a lot I don’t know about you.”
“Remember the deal, you tell me yours now,” Hankyung said, leaning in and resting his head in his hands.
“I wanna draw,” Heechul admitted. “I like art. It might be the only thing I’m actually good at.”
“I would love to see one of your drawings,” Hankyung said.
“Only after you dance for me,” Heechul winked.
--
Spring was nothing like anyone expected it to be. Spring was beginning cold and damp, to the disappointment of everyone in the town. Although Heechul didn’t care much about the weather, he liked to take walks down by the beach. The beach was a five minute walk from his house, and you could say that the beach was his happy place. The waves and the sand had this was of instantly calming him down, and he needed that every once in a while. He had waited in anticipation all winter to go for some walks, but with their spring, it would be a dreary walk. Still, he wanted to get out, so he threw on his sneakers, pulled a sweatshirt over his head, and started out the door.
He noticed Hankyung sitting on his lawn out of the corner of his eye. He was reading a book, legs crossed, eyes narrowed in concentration. Heechul didn’t want to bother him, so he just silently walked by. Yet, he didn’t go unnoticed.
“Heechul, hey!” he heard Hankyung say, followed by the sound of a light jog up to him. Soon they were walking together. “Where are you going?”
“To the beach,” Heechul said.
Hankyung cocked his head to the side. “There’s a beach?”
“You really need to get out more,” Heechul said. “This whole town is practically right on the water.”
“Huh,” he said. “Would you mind if I walked with you?”
Heechul usually went to the beach by himself, and as much as he liked Hankyung, he’d rather be alone to unwind. Still, to be nice, he nodded his head.
Soon the asphalt of the road turned to dirt and soon enough, to sand as they neared the beach. There were three rocks, put there as a sort of mini jetty, that Heechul liked to climb on and relax on. He sat down on top of one, and motioned for Hankyung to take the other.
“This place is actually really beautiful,” Hankyung said, taking in the view. “I see why you wanted to come.”
“It’s sort of a stress reliever,” Heechul said. “Sometimes I come here to draw, too. I like to draw the seagulls.”
“Why seagulls? They’re not all that special.”
“If I’m not gonna draw them, who else will?”
“You seem like one of those people who finds beauty in everything,” Hankyung said. “Even seagulls.”
“Beauty doesn’t come easily,” Heechul said. “You have to search for it, dig really deep to find it. Although it’s hard work, it’s better than everything around you being ugly.”
Hankyung didn’t respond, only hugged his knees to his chest as he stared out at the water. It was almost as if he was looking for something, and Heechul wanted to know. A part of him wanted to know what was inside Hankyung’s head, see all the gears running in his brain, but another part didn’t want to know, for fear Hankyung’s mind would be full of things he didn’t want to hear. Suddenly he felt extremely self-conscious, brushing his long hair back behind his ears and smoothing down his sweatshirt.
“Why are you doing that?” Hankyung said, without even looking at him.
“Doing what?” Heechul mumbled, looking away.
“Doubting yourself. I can see it.” Heechul didn’t answer. “Are you afraid of me?”
“It’s not fear,” Heechul insisted. “I don’t know what it is, but when I figure it out, you’ll be the first to know.”
--
Hankyung had come over that day to do homework, their books spread about Heechul’s room messily. Since Heechul was a year above, he helped out Hankyung with any problems he had. Heechul was halfway through his Korean essay when he got a mental block. He sighed and took a hair elastic off his wrist, pulling his hair up. In his peripheral vision he saw Hankyung looking at him, saw the boy’s eyes watching every move of his arm, his hand, his fingers… He ignored it, for the soul reason of not knowing how to react. Instead, he looked back down at his paper, biting the tip of his pencil.
“Oh shit,” Heechul said a few minutes later, dropping his pencil. “Mom said while she’s gone I have to run to the store.” He bit his lip. “You wanna go there with me quick?”
“Sure, I don’t mind,” he said, putting his book down. “Who’s gonna drive us, though?”
Heechul chuckled. “It’s so obvious you’re not from around here.”
The two of them started their walk to the store, Heechul explaining that it was only a short walk. He’d been going to the store to run errands for his parents since he was little, and the owner of the store was a woman that reminded him of his grandmother. She always discounted him and gave him things for free, even when Heechul insisted he would pay full price. You could get everything at the General Store - Hankyung laughed at that, saying that this town must be really old if it actually had a General Store - from breakfast foods to materials to fix a boat. Everyone in town went there for anything they needed.
“Hey Gamjee,” he said walking through the door, the bell on top jingling as he entered with Hankyung.
Gamjee emerged from behind the counter. “Heechul, hello!” She looked at Hankyung. “Who’s he?”
“I just moved in next door to Heechul. I’m Hankyung,” he replied.
“Oh, you’re the Han’s son! I heard about you guys!” she said. “Well, I hope you like it here, because I know I sure do. Been here since I was a youngin, will probably be here ‘till I die.”
“You live in a beautiful town,” Hankyung said. “It’s a big change, since I used to live in a city, but I like it.”
Heechul tried to remember everything his mother told him to get, brought it up to the counter, and paid (with the usual fight with Gamjee). He walked out the door with the brown paper bag of groceries in his arms, Hankyung following.
“Thanks for coming with me,” Heechul said, stopping in front of his driveway.
In lieu of a response, and to Heechul’s complete and utter shock, Hankyung leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. Heechul would have dropped the groceries, had he not quickly gotten a hold of himself. He had no idea why Hankyung just did that. If he wanted to make Heechul feel awkward, he definitely succeeded. Hankyung looked at him, as if waiting for a response.
“I… I have to go,” he said, turning around. “I’ll give you your books tomorrow, just… just leave, okay?” Heechul didn’t wait around to hear Hankyung’s response as he slammed the door of his house behind him.
What if Hankyung had a crush on him? Was it even possible? Was he just trying to be funny? Maybe guys kiss each other when they become friends in China? Perhaps he could write it off as a cultural difference. He began to feel a little guilty about sending Hankyung home, but it would just be too weird to be with him now. He needed some time to think about this, even though it was the last thing he ever wanted to contemplate.
--
The sound of the sea crashing against the beach was enough of a filler to make the silence between them bearable.
“Can I say something sort of weird…?” Heechul suddenly asked.
Hankyung turned to him. “Anything.”
“I, well… I think about you a lot,” he admitted.
“What about me?” Hankyung asked, seeming interested.
“Nothing really special,” Heechul said. “Just about the things you say, sometimes I see things and they remind me of you.” He shrugged. “It’s weird though.”
“That’s not weird,” Hankyung said. “It’s because we’re friends, it’s a normal thing.”
“If we’re friends like you say we are,” Heechul said hesitantly. “Can I ask you something sort of personal?”
“You can ask me anything,” he said.
“Are you gay, Hankyung?”
He sat back against the rock. “I don’t think so,” he said. “I mean, I haven’t put much thought into it, but I don’t think I am.” Heechul nodded. “Is this because I kissed you?”
“Yeah,” Heechul said. “Actually, I’ve thought about that too.”
“I don’t know why I kissed you,” Hankyung said. “I just wanted to, so I did. If it made you feel weird, I’m sorry.”
“It was a little weird,” Heechul admitted. “But I mean… it’s you, so it’s not that weird. If it were anyone else, it would have been weirder.”
“Would you let me kiss you again?” Hankyung asked.
“I suppose, if you really wanted to.”
“How about hugging you?”
“That too.”
Hankyung stared at him for a while, and jumped over to the rock Heechul was sitting on. Heechul stood up, and immediately he was engulfed in a hug. He stiffened up at first, but after a moment, wrapped his arms around Hankyung in return. He thought about how bad it would be if anyone saw them doing this, but those thoughts dissolved away as he rested his head on Hankyung’s shoulder.
“Meet me outside when it gets dark tonight,” Hankyung said, voice soft and close. Heechul didn’t question it, only tightened his hold around Hankyung’s torso as a ‘yes.’
Sundown couldn’t come quick enough. Heechul slipped quietly out his ground floor window, trying his best to not be detected by his parents. He was successful, and other than causing a few neighborhood dogs to bark at his presence, his getaway went completely unnoticed.
“You know,” Heechul said, walking over to where he saw Hankyung leaning against the side of his house. “This reminds me of a certain play by Shakespeare, involving a pair of certain star-crossed lovers. ‘Come, gentle night; come, loving, black browed night. Give me my Romeo, and when I shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will be in love with the night…’”
“Looks like we have a literature nerd upon us,” Hankyung said with a chuckle. “’It is my soul that calls upon my name; how silver sweet lovers’ tongues by night like the softest music to attending ears!’”
“Apparently I’m not the only one,” he grinned. “So, what do we do this fine night, my Romeo?”
“Well, Juliet,” he said, grabbing Heechul by the wrist. “You’ll just have to wait and find out.”
They walked around the neighborhood for a long time, simply taking in the night. Heechul had never really walked about at night, so it was actually quite beautiful to see their seaside town cloaked in darkness, illuminated only by the crescent moon. Not once did Heechul’s wrist slip from Hankyung’s hold. It wasn’t a commanding hold or a tight one, it was loose and almost intimate, as if he was too nervous to hold Heechul’s hand, so he settled for his wrist.
They soon entered the woods. Heechul had only ever seen the outside and never been in, for he had seen no reason to ever go in the woods. It was funny, though. Heechul had lived here all his life, yet Hankyung was the one showing him around. They reached a part of the woods where there was a clearing in the trees, and they sat down. The clearing made the sky completely visible if you laid down and looked up, so that’s exactly what they did. It was stunning, the sky. It made Heechul feel so small, looking up at the vast nothingness above them.
“I was wandering around a few nights ago and stumbled upon this place,” Hankyung said, a dreamy look in his eyes. “I wish I could come here every night.”
“What’s stopping you from doing so?” Heechul asked, propping himself up with his elbow to the ground.
Hankyung shrugged as he too sat up. “Nothing, I suppose. Maybe I will come here every night.”
“Would you mind if I joined you?”
“I’d prefer it, actually.”
They sat there in a comfortable silence for a while, until Hankyung spoke. “Heechul?”
“Yeah?” Heechul answered, lying back down on his back.
“You said it was okay for me to kiss you whenever, right?”
Heechul’s heartbeat sped up. “I did say that, yes.”
Suddenly Hankyung was over him, arms on either side of Heechul’s body. Heechul tried not to make eye contact. “Well, you never specified where I could kiss you.” He brought his face closer. “Where can I kiss you, Heechul?”
Heechul bit his lip. “I-I guess… wherever you want.” Heechul felt a strange tingling in his fingertips, perhaps of anticipation. He didn’t know what Hankyung was going to do next, he never seemed to know, but right now, he wanted to know. Wanted to know so he wouldn’t misread things, would know how to act.
“How about your cheeks?” Hankyung said, placing a light kiss on both cheeks. Heechul nodded, blushing. “Your jaw?” He kissed up Heechul’s jaw. Things continued liked that, Hankyung kissing him on every part of his face. From his jaw, to his ear, down to his neck… Somewhere along the line Heechul put his fingers in Hankyung’s hair, hands on the back of Hankyung’s neck as he continued. His forehead, his nose (making Heechul giggle)… and then his lips. It was a light kiss, but it didn’t counteract the heaviness he felt in his heart. When Hankyung pulled away he stared at Heechul, much like he did when he first kissed him on the cheek those days ago. But this time, Heechul didn’t feel awkward. Instead, he pulled Hankyung down for another kiss, savoring the taste of his lips. It may not have been his first kiss, but this felt like something new. Heechul couldn’t tell you how long they stayed there, kissing and feeling each other, because for the first time, things finally made sense, and he wasn’t going to abandon that.
--
Hankyung licking, kissing, biting him.
The sound of moans echoing off the walls.
Back arching, lip biting until it bled, crying out Hankyung’s name.
Heechul woke up with a jolt, and he probably would have screamed had he not gathered his bearings. He ran his fingers through his hair stressfully, because this was completely and utterly not normal. He felt disgusted that his brain made him think of Hankyung in that way, and was angry that there was nothing he could have done to stop such a dream. Like everything wasn’t bad enough, to top it all off, he had an embarrassing erection that he’d have to hide. He really wanted to punch something, but there was nothing to punch except his pillow, and that wouldn’t have been satisfying. He wanted to break something, take his anger on himself out on something. He didn’t want to think of Hankyung in this way. Kissing him was at least innocent, but this - this was madness, dreaming about having sex with him. He shuddered at the thought.
He tried convincing himself that this was all just teenage hormones, that this sort of thing would stop eventually and things could go back to normal. Then again, things probably wouldn’t be normal ever again considering they made out in the woods. He wanted to kick himself for letting Hankyung do that. Not that he didn’t enjoy it, because even though it was hard to admit, he certainly did; it was more the idea of what they did that was hard to swallow. While he was kissing Hankyung, it didn’t quite register that they were both boys. Now, that he had some time to reflect on it, it was like a slap in the face. You kissed a boy. You dreamt about having sex with a boy. A boy turned you on enough to give you an erection. His mind screamed “Boy, boy, boy!” He groaned. How was he going to fix this? How would he make things okay? For lack of anything better to do, he just crawled back into bed, pulled the covers over his head, and went back to sleep. It would have to do for now.
--
“Hey mom?” Heechul asked, as his mother was straightening up the living room. “Um, just out of curiosity, because I’ve… been seeing it on the news lately, what’s your view on gay marriage?”
Heechul’s mother stopped in thought. “Well, to me, if two people aren’t allowed to get married, they were never meant to be with each other to begin with. It’s not the way things are supposed to go, because you see, the world has natural order, and when you mess up that natural order, it just doesn’t work. A man and a woman is natural, a man and a man, or a woman and a woman, simply are not.”
“Do you know any gay people, mom?”
“Oh no,” she said, as if the mere thought of knowing someone gay was scandalous. “Not in this town. And if there were any gays in this town, trust me, everyone would know. Gossip like that spreads around like wildfire. That’s the beauty of living in a small town.”
More like the curse, Heechul thought as he thanked his mom for her useless opinion and made his way out the door.
“Heechul, hey! Wait up!” he heard as he was walking down to the beach. “Heechul, please, I just wanna talk!”
Heechul finally turned around, because the sadness in Hankyung’s tone really made him feel guilty.
“Heechul,” he said. “I haven’t talked to you in days. What’s going on with my Juliet?”
“Don’t call me that,” Heechul snapped, and he instantly regretted it as Hankyung looked extremely hurt. “Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap, I just… I have a lot going on right now.”
“Well maybe I can help,” Hankyung said, following Heechul as he continued to walk.
“No, see, I can’t,” Heechul said. “Because it’s you. You’re my problem.”
Hankyung hung his head. “I knew you were mad at me…”
“I’m not mad at you, I’m more mad at myself,” he admitted. “I’m mad that I can’t control my emotions, and I’m mad that you’re always on my mind. I’m mad that no matter how hard I try, I can’t push you away.”
They two finally reached the beach. Heechul sat in the sand, and Hankyung followed. “Why are you trying to push me away?” he asked.
“Because this could get us into real trouble, Hankyung,” Heechul said softly. “I don’t think you understand the severity of this situation. If we go through with whatever this is, we can’t be normal. Our lives will never be the same.”
“Heechul, I’m-fuck, are you crying?” Hankyung tried to put an arm around him, but Heechul slapped him away.
“Fuck off, I’m not crying,” he said, sniffling and trying to wipe away any reminisce of tears.
Hankyung sighed. “Look, I understand the consequences completely of us having ‘this’ sort of relationship,” he said. “And I thought about it a lot. This wasn’t easy for me either, Heechul, and I’m just as confused as you are.”
“Well, what are we supposed to do about this?” Heechul said, putting his face in his hands.
He felt Hankyung’s arm fall around him slowly. “I guess we do whatever feels right.”
“Being with you feels right, even though it’s not,” Heechul said, snuggling up against him.
“Then we’ll do just that.”
“Mom says two men being together isn’t natural.”
“It might not be,” Hankyung said, amidst gulls chirping. “But so what? I’ve always hated nature, anyway.”
--
Hankyung had been practically begging to see one of Heechul’s drawings, but Heechul didn’t forget their proposition - he would show Hankyung a drawing after he danced for him. So, Hankyung had come over that day prepared to show Heechul everything he learned about dance back in China.
Heechul sat back in his desk chair and watched. He had been secretly anticipating watching Hankyung dance. His expectations were met if not exceeded when he saw the real thing.
Hankyung danced in a mixture of ballet and something he couldn’t quite pick up on; perhaps it was a Chinese dance. Nonetheless, Heechul was completely amazed. His eyes were glued to Hankyung’s body, the twists and the bends that seemed damn near impossible for a human to pull off, but somehow Hankyung did. Heechul’s drawings were shit compared to the caliber in which Hankyung danced. As much as he tried to focus on the sheer talent before him, teenage hormones were blurring his vision as all he could see was the way Hankyung’s shirt rode up and how it exposed the skin on his back, the sound of his breath, and everything in between. He tried to think of something less arousing, but all he could think about was how Hankyung’s hips should be on him right now.
When Hankyung finished, Heechul stood up and clapped for him. “Bravo, Bravo,” he said with a smile. “I have to say, Hankyung, you’re incredible.”
“Show me one of your drawings now!”
Heechul chuckled. “You get right to the point.” He pulled a sketchbook out from his desk drawer and passed it to Hankyung. “Go nuts.”
Hankyung sat on the bed and eagerly flipped through the sketchbook, stopping ever so often to admire the work. He stopped on a certain page. “So this is what you meant when you said you drew the seagulls…” He looked amazed.
Heechul had drawn the gulls from hundreds of different angles, drew their eyes, the details in the feathers, even the way their wings bent when they flew.
“I tried to capture the inner beauty,” Heechul said.
“If everyone saw seagulls your way, maybe they’d be more appreciated,” Hankyung said.
He flipped through a few more pages, Heechul not really paying attention. “What’s this one?” he asked, seeming far too amused. Heechul was scared by that tone, glancing at the book. He immediately snatched it from Hankyung, because he was most certainly not supposed to see that. But Hankyung was taller, and snatched the book quickly back. “Is that me?” he asked, cocky grin on his face.
“That could be anyone!” Heechul insisted, trying to take it back, but Hankyung was holding it just out of reach. “It’s not finished, anyway!”
“There’s an outline of another person, too. Would that be you, Heechul?”
“Shut up, oh my god!” Heechul said, finally taking the book back. The picture that Heechul had begun to draw was one of Hankyung and himself, Hankyung hugging him from behind, placing a kiss on his neck. It was not meant for anyone’s eyes other than his own, so now you could say he was completely mortified.
“If that’s what you wanted me to do, Heechul,” he said, backing him up against the wall. “Why didn’t you just say so?”
“Art is art, and nothing more,” Heechul said, looking down and biting his lip.
“Don’t think I didn’t see you watching me while I danced,” Hankyung muttered in his ear. “I knew what you were trying to hide, crossing your legs.” Heechul was sure he was blushing a deep red. He’d never really seen this side of Hankyung, and he sort of… liked it. “I turn you on, don’t I Heechul?” The way he said his name with that accent of his sent shivers down his spine.
“Honestly, you have no idea,” Heechul said, grabbing Hankyung by the shirt and pulling him in and crashing their lips together in a kiss. Hankyung’s hips slightly brushed against his own, and Heechul couldn’t hold back a gasp. He was so turned on it was embarrassing, and he was embarrassingly obvious.
“Can I… Can I try something?” Hankyung asked, hand traveling down Heechul’s chest.
Suddenly the alarm went back off in his brain, screaming “Boy, boy! Hankyung is a boy! You don’t let boys touch you that way!” Despite the warnings, he nodded. The screams in his mind soon faded away, replaced by nothing but Hankyung.
--
Heechul just stood there, not really knowing what to do. He heard lots of yelling in Chinese coming from Hankyung’s father, and it sounded harsh and angry. He was supposed to go over Hankyung’s house to study, but he just stood there at the end of their driveway, not really wanting to walk in in the middle of an all-out war with words.
Suddenly he heard Hankyung yelling back, and it sounded just as harsh. It sounded so odd, hearing Hankyung yell. Whatever he was arguing about with his father, it must’ve been something he really cared about by the way he seemed to be deflecting everything his father said with a comeback. Heechul wished he knew what they were saying, and what Hankyung was defending so passionately.
Just then Hankyung looked out the window and spotted Heechul, who didn’t know what to do other than stand there awkwardly. Hankyung turned from his father and made his way out the door. Soon he was a few feet away from Heechul.
“What’s going on?” Heechul asked, worried.
Hankyung didn’t answer. Instead, he put his arm around Heechul and started walking away from the house. Heechul noticed that Hankyung looked back through the window of his house, as if to make sure that his father saw him put his arm around him.
“Hankyung, I need an explanation,” Heechul said, after they’d walked for a while. “What’s going on?”
“My father tried to forbid me from seeing you anymore,” Hankyung practically growled. “Who the hell does he think he is, telling me who I can and cannot be around?”
“Why would he try to do that?” Heechul asked. “I thought he liked me.”
Hankyung sighed. “I think he suspects us, Heechul.”
Heechul’s heart dropped. “What? How? You didn’t tell him anything, did you?”
“Of course not! He thinks we’re just friends, but--” he stopped.
“Tell me,” Heechul said.
“I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”
“I can take it.”
“…he says you look ‘too gay’ and that I shouldn’t hang out with you anymore because you were ‘a disgrace.’ He also called you some other things I’m not gonna say. That’s why I got so angry and started yelling back at him. Then, he said that if I hung around you too long I’d turn into…” He coughed. “Remember, his words not mine. I’d turn into ‘a fag’ if I hung out with you, and maybe it was already too late for me. I just got so angry, Heechul.”
Heechul was in shock. No one had ever told him he looked gay before. Was he even gay? Okay, that was debatable in his mind, but he looked gay? What did that even mean? He’d probably be paranoid for the rest of his life, now.
“And what did you say?” Heechul asked flatly.
“That I care about you, and I’m not gonna abandon you just because he doesn’t like you. I threw some expletives in there, but that’s pretty much what I said.”
Heechul sighed. “I can’t believe I’ve made you fight with your father.”
“You didn’t make me do anything,” Hankyung insisted. “That was all me. I’ve wanted to tell him off for so many years now, and I guess I just finally cracked with what he said.”
Heechul felt like more of a burden than ever.
--
Someone was knocking at the door, and since he was the only one home, he had no choice but to answer it. He looked out the window first to make sure it wasn’t a creep, and to his surprise, saw Lanfen on his stoop.
“Hey, Lanfen,” Heechul said, answering the door with a smile. “You must be here for my mother, right? I’m sorry, she’s not home.”
“Actually, I am not here to see your mother,” she said. “I am here to speak with you, Heechul.”
“Oh,” he said, eyes widening. “Well, come in.”
Heechul poured Lanfen a cup of tea, trying his best to be polite as possible. He didn’t know what she came here to discuss, but it didn’t seem too bad, considering Lanfen had her usual soft smile on her face.
“Thank you, Heechul dear,” she said.
“So what is it you wanted to discuss?” Heechul said, sitting down at the table.
“I wanted to apologize for my husband,” she said. “I know he has been… well, did Geng tell you?”
“Yeah,” Heechul nodded. “Yeah, he did.”
“I want to say I am very sorry for what he said,” she explained. “I am sorry if what he said hurt you. My husband does not know the world as well as I do, so he is not very open to different people. I apologize very much to you.”
“It’s okay, really,” Heechul said, sighing a bit. “I just hope Hankyung and I can still be friends.”
“Of course you can still be friends,” she smiled. “My mother used to always say to me, ‘人们都像件的世界难题。当两片结合在一起，他们使世界更完整。’”.
Heechul blinked. “What does that mean?”
“Let me see if I can get it right in Korean,” she giggled. “’People are like pieces of the world puzzle. When two pieces fit together, they make the world more complete.’ You and Geng fit together, to keep you apart would be taking away a piece of the world.”
--
“What gave you the idea to do this?” Heechul asked, amused.
“I’m not gonna lie, I saw it on TV once and I’ve always wanted to do it,” he laughed. “Besides, I thought it would be cool.”
“And you’re a pyro maniac,” Heechul laughed.
“Eh, that could be it, too.”
The two were sitting around a bonfire they made on the sand at the beach, each with a piece of paper and a pen in their hands. It was the Chinese New Year, and Hankyung said it would be a cool idea to write down bad things that happened in the year, or thing they didn’t like about themselves, and throw it in the fire to create a clean slate, a fresh new start. Heechul had a list that took up the whole page, and when they were both done, they threw it in at the same time. It was nice to watch everything over the past months burn away.
“I’m glad I get to make a new start with you,” Hankyung said, putting his arm around Heechul.
Heechul smiled. “Me too, Hankyung. Me too.”