Decisions

[shiny_silver]

Well, I havent had to write anything in here for awhile, I guess. Maybe i should have. Ever since I decided to stay away from mary and Jill my head has been spinning and its oddly like turning a light off in a dark room, I feel strangely like the darkness is just becoming part of me, it was already dark but now im just more comfortable with it

Comments

[cloudy_tears]

Look - it might be a mistake to post this here and I hope that if you find no consolance in it and feel only bitter and angry towards me for it than you will find it in yourself to hold your tongue.

I don't smoke pot. I don't smoke cigarettes. About once every month or so I will smoke hookah which is a form of purified tobacco, that's it. I've smoked it before and I'm sure that I've mentioned smoking it before. I don't smoke anything on a regular basis at all. Ever. And I never will. I've tried one drag of a cigarette in my life and found it fucking repulsive. As far as drinking goes - I do it once every few weeks or so and even if I do go to parties I often turn it down. And despite everything I've found it within myself to have more self respect than to go around fucking random guys and such.

So really, if you would have talked to me about it maybe it would have helped. I haven't been as good of a friend to you as I could have and I'm sorry for that, I really am. I've been a pretty shitty friend comparatively - we've had our beefs

[shiny_silver]

Yeah i know what you smoked and what it is, I made damned sure I knew exactly what was up before I blew my top. I was preparing to have a good talk with you and didn't want it to be another "oh you just kissed, well i feel stupid" thing. I have to say bottom line smoking anything period ever completely in general I dont care if its a piece of straw, pisses me off more than drinking. You were spared my fury the first time because you swore it off immediately. The thing is it serves no purpose. Absolutely none, the only thing it does is for one, make you look like a silly 8th grader who is under the impression that smoking is cool, and then of course the cancer part the smell and everything that goes along with smoking. But then I could always care less about medical problems since truth be told i dont have alot of sources marked up in books with sticky note tags set up. Smoking is a social thing, therfor it ties you to a certain social group. everything about that group then becomes tagged on to you. But ill stop there because I can

[lost_in_my_love]

This is really sad, and I'm sorry you feel that way. As things for Faith go, your most recent post is full of good things, so good luck with her and be safe. I hope things work out for you.

[cloudy_tears]

I don't and never did hide 90% of my life from you - maybe 15-20% tops. I feel like you're under this impression that I'm secretely out smoking and drinking 24/7 when I'm just not. Sure, I'm around it a fucking lot but it doesn't mean that I participate in it. Most of the time that I see my friends we end up talking if anything, or maybe swimming or listening to music or watching a movie but it's usually not partying. As far as what it makes me look like, it makes me look normal. I don't think that smoking's cool - I live with a woman who chain smokes cigarettes every day, some of the people I most like hanging around smoke cigarettes or worse and nearly everyone that I know has tried some form of smoking. Trust me, it's not about looking older or cooler. Sure, most of the reason that I've tried smoking is to do it socially but that's not such a bad thing if I'm with my FRIENDS. I don't run around at parties and smoke, just the other night I went out to a party and spent most of the night outside talking to people who were smoking