Billboard # 2, some ranting, some whining, etc.
I'm going to stick most of this under cuts because it's long and not really even worth reading.
I'm feeling the need to vandalize a billboard. I confess, I did so six years or so ago on a board that was basically sending the message that a woman should not only be accept alcoholic drinks from strange men (in this day and age of date-rape drugs), she should shut up and smile / be grateful while doing it. And yeah, I suppose I could've made some calls and tried to fight its placement, but it was just so much more satisfying to climb 75 feet into the air in the middle of the night and spraypaint "stupid fucking message" all over it, resulting in it being taken down a couple of days later.
My current obsession is one much lower to the ground (although unfortunately placed directly across from a 24-hour greasy-spoon diner nightly frequented by cops), featuring a half-dozen women in various dress and stages of their life. One's holding a bouquet and has a bridal veil on her head, as if they're all just super happy, playing around dressing up, dreaming of their weddings. The board's advocating abstinence, and the legend is, "I Will When I Do".
And okay, I have no problem with abstinence. Working for the past eight and a half years in a homeless shelter for women and all of the children they spawn because A) they can't cut the loser boyfriends out of their lives and B) apparently nobody knows how to use a condom, I can certainly appreciate the fact that a woman in this neighborhood might get a lot farther on her own than she would if / when she gets knocked up by the "baby daddy". The problem I have is that abstinence has only ever been taught to women. It's the woman who's traditionally supposed to be a virgin on her wedding night. All through the ages, since the beginning of recorded history, huge value has been placed on that commodity, and for the vast majority of that time only women were the ones expected to remain faithful in the marriage.
And okay again, I can see why it was the way it was. They had no DNA testing, for one, and no way to prove their heirs were actually genetically theirs unless they kept their women chaste and away from other men. For another, until very recently on a historical scale women have had pretty much no rights except that as property of their husbands / fathers / brothers / etc. Why give consideration to something that you own? Hell, for a long time the Greeks debated whether or not women actually had souls, like men do.
So I get why it was the way it was. But why are we still doing it? My question is very simple, and it's the message I want to add to the billboard. "Where are the males in this picture?" Where are the young boys being taught to respect women and not treat them purely as sex objects? Where are the young men being taught to be patient and wait for "the right one"? Where are the slightly older young men dressed in tuxes with big grins on their faces, happy that the big day has finally come?
*eyeroll*
It's ridiculous, of course. But only for men, apparently. And so I feel compelled to send that message. Now it just remains to be seen if I can carry it off under the noses of Covington's finest. Damn it, the area's pretty well-lit, too, and this neighborhood's always got some drunk, high or just aimless people walking around at all hours, so I don't know when I think I'll be able to do this. But I must.
In other news, I've been kind of depressed the past couple of weeks. I woke up the weekend before last with a fever, a headache, a sore throat, cough, dizzyness and a nosebleed. I know...a nosebleed? Bizarre. Anyway, I've been dealing with that since then, and though it's mostly gotten better, I've still got a persistant cough that's annoying me.
In addition, I haven't worked out pretty much at all since getting sick. On top of that, I'd gained over five pounds back at the start of it, somehow, I already FEEL pudgier, and I'm seriously burned out between the two full-time jobs and school. Until the past week or so, my first wakeup at work has been 3 a.m., meaning I've gotten no more than 1.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night, four nights a week for the past three months.
Then, fulfilling all of my fears of the past year, my truck broke down on Monday (and is since running again). Summer, warm weather and blue skies are effectively gone for the next half a year. As a result of all of the above, and other miscellaneous things, I've been feeling this general sort of just...UGH-ness, and have skipped a few classes to go home and try to nap off some of my exhaustion.
What's funny is I didn't really realize I was depressed until the other day, when I got the e-mail back from the professor, but I should've known earlier. I started sketching again last week, and I haven't done that in years. I like doing it, but it seemes I only ever "find the time" when I'm depressed, lol.
Anyway...I feel like suddenly I'm out of control of some important things in my life, but I don't really see any way out of it until the bloody quarter's over. And even then, it won't really be over because I've had to withdraw from my Bio class. In that class we're only allowed two absences before your grade gets lowered. I had missed two, but figured it wouldn't be that big of a deal as long as I did everything else well. But I sort've bombed the mid-term because - let's face it - I wasn't working hard enough to get everything done that needed to be, and so it got to the point where I wasn't sure I'd be able to pass the class even if I got 100% on everything thereafter.
After ten years of being in and out of school, I've constantly been surprised when professors will bend the rules when approached by students with a sob story. I've always been a more...ah...strict person, myself, and have never tried to do so. But with graduation riding on this ONE FREAKING CREDIT, I e-mailed my prof and asked if there was anything that can be done.
The answer? No. Sorry.
Sooo....I'm not going to be done with school in December, and I'm kind of messed up over it. I realize that I did this to myself, and I realize it's not precisely the end of the world. It just means yet one more quarter, a little extra money, and the lack of an immediate end to my school career (and the further putting-off of getting the future I want). Again. But I can deal with it. It's just that on top of everything else, I'm feeling a little...stressed. Tired. Wanting to go to bed, pull the covers over my head and just stay there for a month or so. And then I've exacerbated the problem by not really mentioning it in my phone calls w/ Paul this week, which I know would probably have chilled me out a little, if for no other reason than I would've been venting instead of internalizing.
A little over a month ago he started a new job which is also quite stressful, though, and part of this week's conversations have been devoted to talking about that. Which has totally worked out for me, because A) I usually monopolize our conversations, so it's nice to let him go on for awhile and be the listener for once, and B) between our schedules there's often not even a full hour every day available to us, anymore, and what there is is often full of unavoidable distractions like one or both of us driving to or from work / school, parking, traffic accidents, other tasks we're trying / have to accomplish at the same time, etc. I haven't really felt like bringing this up when there's a time limit. So heh...once again I'm resorting to ranting in LiveJournal. Ah, just like old times, eh?
Anyway, enough about that. What else can I rant about? Well...there's Thanksgiving coming up, which should be interesting this year. I'm wondering how that will all go down with me being a new vegan? I did get lots of questions about it at the family reunion I went to a few weeks ago, and I think it went pretty well. I enjoyed educating people about it (to my surprise, most didn't know what the difference between a vegan and a vegetarian was, and some had never even heard the word "vegan" before), but the books I've read have warned against discussing it at holiday meal tables, lol. I think I will, however, make a few of the things I've discovered that I like and bring them with me to the dinner for other people to try. That way they can see that it's not all about deprivation without me having to SAY it's not all about deprivation, which sounds a bit like I'm the lady protesting too much.
Speaking of veganism...sort of. At one of my jobs (not the shelter) I'm housed for 8 hours a day in a cubicle. I'm a big nerd and I like to keep a calendar in mine to keep organized, and this past year it's been one of those Walgreens specials where you can put your own pictures into it. Mine's full of pics of Paul and me together. I thought about doing another one for this year, but yesterday it occurred to me to wonder if they had any vegan-themed calendars? I searched the internet last night and didn't see anything, and then realized how dumb that idea is. What would the pictures be of? For subject matter you'd pretty much have to choose between either animal suffering to show the point or cute & fuzzy to avoid offending viewers.
And speaking of offending viewers...Paul e-mailed me a while back with a London news story about some advertising boards they were contemplating adding to buses over there saying, "There probably isn't a God, so relax and enjoy your life." Atheist author Richard Dawkins was willing to put up half of the money to fund these things, to help get other people interested and donating too. And I just saw on the news yesterday that they're talking about doing something similar in Washington D.C., and people are apparently offended, "especially with the holidays coming up."
And I'm like...what? How are people going to be offended over that? I've spent thirty two years politely accepting all the religiously-themed holidays, religiously-themed advertising, religiously-themed stores in the mall, religious people signing my cards and writing in my log at work "God bless", and the like, regardless of knowing I'm an atheist. Last night alone I got two forwards (from my mother and sister respectively) that were religiously themed. And they're going to get all up in arms because some of us dare to believe in what can be proven over tradition and mythology? Wow.
Seriously, if I had any money, I'd totally donate. I'm just tired of it. Last night I sent back those two forwards with my "reply to all" button, grumbling, "I swear, I'm going to start sending you guys atheist forwards..."
And one final bit of news to cap off my bitch-fest...
I'm here at work (at the shelter) answering phone calls for the agency until the main building opens at 9 a.m. MASSIVE amounts of calls usually start coming in at 8, from those who are already up and who don't stop to think that business hours haven't begun yet. Predictably, I get to talk to all sorts. Just now, I had a guy call me and here's our conversation:
Me: "-- Shelter, can I help you?"
Caller: "Hi, can I talk to Karyn?"
Me: "I'm sorry, the main building doesn't open until nine a.m., would you like her voicemail?"
Caller: (Pause) "Uh...no, I'll just call back. What's the number over there?"
Me: "It's the same number, they just start answering over there at nine."
Caller: "Oh, okay. What time do they open?"
Me: (Pause, then very slowly) "Niiiiine."
Caller: (Having the good grace to laugh at himself) "Oh, right. Of course. Uh...okay. I'll call back."
Heh. Welcome to my life.
In happier news...tomorrow is my 2 year anniversary with Paul, so that's definitely one thing to be upbeat about :)