Lonely
Title: Lonely
Author: vvipforseungri
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: G-Ri
Word Count: 517
Genre: Angst
Summary: Seungri buys two of everything.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, no matter how hard I try.
AN: Slowly getting back into the swing of things. What better than drabbley GRi angst?
Seungri hates that he misses him this much. Hates that he’s so weak. Hates that he does it anyway. Hates that he’s so pathetic and hates that he won’t do a thing to stop it.
He buys two toothbrushes for his stay in Japan, a red one and a blue one. Two cups, two sets of cutlery, two pillows, two razors; everything is in sets of two. Red and blue. He names one Tom and the other Laura. Tries to ignore the warning bells going off in his head.
He knows why he does this. When he wakes up in the middle of the night with tears running down his face and screaming ‘don’t leave me’, he buries his face in the pillow beside his own, pretends for a second that he can still feel Jiyong’s protective arms wrap around his, that he can still hear Jiyong’s voice soothing in his ear. When he wakes up and goes to brush his teeth and he tells himself that Jiyong must have woken up early, to smoke, maybe, or to make breakfast.
And when he comes home to his apartment at night and sees the pair of sneakers in the hallway, he can make himself believe that Jiyong will be waiting for him in the kitchen, a smile on his face as he asks him how his day went. A kiss on Seungri’s lips that Seungri will lean into, and somehow the thought of dinner escapes them both.
It hurts. It fucking hurts. Because Seungri can only keep the illusion up for a few seconds before he remembers Jiyong’s in Korea and Seungri’s in Japan because he ran away. Because he can’t stand to see Jiyong look at him with pity. Because it hurts either way, but at least here he can hurt by himself.
But sometimes it’s too much. Seungri’s never been able to handle loneliness well; always needing to talk and flirt and impress. And now, with his huge apartment with no one to fill it, he thinks it might as well be a prison cell. He can feel the walls pressing in on him, reminding him that he’s so alone, alone in a country that wasn’t even his own. This is when he feels his worst, because it’s at times like this when he can almost trick himself into believing that no one wants him.
And then he’ll see the toys he keeps to talk to and the table set for two and he’ll miss Jiyong so fucking much. He’ll miss everything and everyone and fuck if he deserves this.
No one believes him when he tells them he’s lonely, so lonely because Seungri isn’t in love with Jiyong anymore and hell if he knows if Jiyong ever loved him at all. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, Seungri was supposed to fall in love for good and he was supposed to keep Jiyong, but nothing ever goes the way he wants it to.
So he’ll keep buying his sets of two and he’ll try and pretend like he doesn’t miss Kwon Jiyong at all.
Author: vvipforseungri
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: G-Ri
Word Count: 517
Genre: Angst
Summary: Seungri buys two of everything.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, no matter how hard I try.
AN: Slowly getting back into the swing of things. What better than drabbley GRi angst?
Seungri hates that he misses him this much. Hates that he’s so weak. Hates that he does it anyway. Hates that he’s so pathetic and hates that he won’t do a thing to stop it.
He buys two toothbrushes for his stay in Japan, a red one and a blue one. Two cups, two sets of cutlery, two pillows, two razors; everything is in sets of two. Red and blue. He names one Tom and the other Laura. Tries to ignore the warning bells going off in his head.
He knows why he does this. When he wakes up in the middle of the night with tears running down his face and screaming ‘don’t leave me’, he buries his face in the pillow beside his own, pretends for a second that he can still feel Jiyong’s protective arms wrap around his, that he can still hear Jiyong’s voice soothing in his ear. When he wakes up and goes to brush his teeth and he tells himself that Jiyong must have woken up early, to smoke, maybe, or to make breakfast.
And when he comes home to his apartment at night and sees the pair of sneakers in the hallway, he can make himself believe that Jiyong will be waiting for him in the kitchen, a smile on his face as he asks him how his day went. A kiss on Seungri’s lips that Seungri will lean into, and somehow the thought of dinner escapes them both.
It hurts. It fucking hurts. Because Seungri can only keep the illusion up for a few seconds before he remembers Jiyong’s in Korea and Seungri’s in Japan because he ran away. Because he can’t stand to see Jiyong look at him with pity. Because it hurts either way, but at least here he can hurt by himself.
But sometimes it’s too much. Seungri’s never been able to handle loneliness well; always needing to talk and flirt and impress. And now, with his huge apartment with no one to fill it, he thinks it might as well be a prison cell. He can feel the walls pressing in on him, reminding him that he’s so alone, alone in a country that wasn’t even his own. This is when he feels his worst, because it’s at times like this when he can almost trick himself into believing that no one wants him.
And then he’ll see the toys he keeps to talk to and the table set for two and he’ll miss Jiyong so fucking much. He’ll miss everything and everyone and fuck if he deserves this.
No one believes him when he tells them he’s lonely, so lonely because Seungri isn’t in love with Jiyong anymore and hell if he knows if Jiyong ever loved him at all. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, Seungri was supposed to fall in love for good and he was supposed to keep Jiyong, but nothing ever goes the way he wants it to.
So he’ll keep buying his sets of two and he’ll try and pretend like he doesn’t miss Kwon Jiyong at all.