Matchmaker Matchmaker (or Brides for Barter)

[shipshapeshipco]

There are three constants to be expected when walking on a brisk Corsican afternoon: a warm breeze at your tail, an impassioned support (or contentious rebuttal) of the radical new chestnut-tree tax, and an unprovoked invitation to wed a charming if not slightly bemused local girl

Comments

[watelseisthere]

Usually it's the family that arranges marriages, isn't it? My mother and Odette's father had such plans for us, once, before things became... complicated.

[shipshapeshipco]

I'd hate to interrupt the process, but if you find this Odette to be unmoving, I may have just the songstress to catch your eyes and ears!

[watelseisthere]

Oh, no, no! Things are fine. Odette and I are fine.

[Except they're actually not for him, because he's still trying to prove himself and let her know how much he cares. But he has eyes for no one else and will remain true for however long it takes.]

[shipshapeshipco]

That's a comfort to hear, truly. Though I don't enjoy losing another prospect or dear Anna- clearly my toughest case, that one- I'm immensely pleased to see that love can in fact bloom on long vacations.

You'll serve as an inspiration for every romantic on the boat! Go! Spread your word!

this icon is the only one that fits this situation

[missmimmi]

Was? Was?

O mein Gott!

[She's so horrified she can't even speak English]

[shipshapeshipco]

You'll thank me upon meeting the liebhaber you've only dreamt of, my lovely piece of kugel!

[daughterofannua]

Mimmi! You've gotta get married! So then you can be a proper Momma! With a Poppa and everything!

[missmimmi]

Not you, too! I am fine!

[dormant_beast]

. . .

[omg what is he doing]

Ah, Samuel...What...what are you doing, here?

[shipshapeshipco]

Have no fear, Anna dear! I'm finding you a man to rely on.

And, between you and I-

[and everyone on the comm, including the other girls; still, he whispers as though this is sensitive information]

-I think you've the best chance of them all of finding a keeper! I can hardly wait to walk you down the aisle- Haha, how exciting!

[dormant_beast]

[...This is not happening. It cannot be happening.]

I-I do not...think I need a man, Samuel...

[Kill her. Please. Now.]

[shipshapeshipco]

[Nope! He'd rather feast on her misery. FEEEAAAAST!]

All I can see is a handsome young man, yet unidentified, years from now. His day at the bank desk has been exceedingly trying. His neck is sore. His eyes are red. But what keeps him going? Nothing less than the thought of his beautiful young bride at home, singing him to comfort!

It's so touching, I may need to sit down. Thankfully, I am already seated. This is the sort of foresight you want in a matchmaker.

[nottheaveragekg]

[After a night of constant jello shots, this is not what Ashelin wants to hear.]

This is such a load of yakkow shit.

[shipshapeshipco]

Judging by the peculiar ring and slur of your voice, I'd say you're disappointed that I'm not matchmaking for you. There's only so many girls one good Samaritan can take on at a time, you know... but I'll try to make room.

[nottheaveragekg]

[Samuel, don't you even.]

No.

[shipshapeshipco]

Quite saucy!

[Maybe she's the type Zeke would like?]

it's times like this I wish I had a facepalm icon

[farfairersoul]

[Long silence.]

...Samuel.

Stop being an idiot.

If they start to hang out, Razer'll need like 10 facepalm icons

[shipshapeshipco]

If it is idiotic for a just-out-of-schooling dandy to play surrogate father to a group of women ranging from approximately his age to substantially older than him, attempting to pair them off with men they've never met and hope harmony, then by all means, call me an idiot!

I have to try to make one somehow.

[farfairersoul]

All right.

You're an idiot.

If any of the women on board want to sell themselves, they can do it under their own power. It isn't exactly difficult.

[shipshapeshipco]

Just for that I won't turn your attention to the stunning Mediterranean beauty I had packed away, her shining black hair dancing around her olive face.

Forget I mentioned this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!