I smile at her, she's got that annoyed clip to her walk and the frown she used to get whenever Xander used to say anything stupid while we were researching. So needless to say it's an expression I am familiar with.
"How did you guess?" I ask with a tight-but-rapidly-loosening smile. "He was all, 'are you sure you're okay, Cordelia? You look rather wan.' And what the hell does wan mean anyway? Can't he just say I look like crap like any normal person would?"
I smile to take the sting off my words and thread my arm through Oz's, pleased I chose the no-heel look today. I'm a little closer to his height this way. "So, where we eating? Any preferences?"
I looked her over. She didn't look pale or like crap, she looked kind of annoyed but it was starting to fade into a kind of pretty smile around the edges.
"I'm good for anything, you pick."
I squeezed her arm with mine and smiled.
"And you'd have to be less angrily flushed to be wan."
Pale?! How can I look pale?! Does he know how much time I spent on my make up this morning to make sure I didn't look like crap?
God. My efforts are just not appreciated.
"I'm good for anything, you pick."
"Hmmm." What am I in the mood for? It's less like barf-city today. And my stomach has been doing this grumbly thing all morning, telling me I'm more than ready to actually, y'know, eat?
"And you'd have to be less angrily flushed to be wan."
I can't help but smile at that. "Gunn sorta... Accused me of letting our stool pigeon get away. Hence the angry flush. And lack of wan-ness. You feel like pizza?"
"I'm surprised Willow let you go. Especially when Buffy told us she was such a mess after you left."
That hit like a punch to the jaw. I knew she'd been upset but hearing it each time was like a small reminder of what she must have gone through every day.
"Yeah. I left her she moved on, I hear that's what happens." Ok, stoic silent man alert. I could feel myself closing up and made myself relax. This was Cordy, we had official proof from Buffy that what she thought she said. That was part of her charm, you always knew exactly where you stood with her.
"I sorta get that," I said carefully, picking up the napkin that was on the table and pulling at it with my fingers, "The whole having to leave thing."
But then, of course, I was lying. Because I didn't get that. And regardless of whether it hurt Oz's feelings or not the words were coming out of my mouth.
"Actually? I sorta don't. I don't get how cutting people off works. I don't get how firing the people closest to you makes things better. Or how abandoning them seems to be the logical choice." And just like that? Our subtext had rapidly become text. Oz had to go because he had to find a way to control his wolf.
Angel had left because he had to find a guilt free way to boff Darla, probably right as we were talking. And color me thankful when the waiter came over and we had to order our pizza.
I waited till after we had ordered and the waiter left.
"Ok, stealing a line from you here. Overidentify much?" I wondered what the heck was going on with Angel that he had fired everyone and left, they'd seemed the happy group when I left. Well as happy as the dark brooding pale vampire got.
"I kind of know now that it was in the wrong, but I had to do it alone. I shouldn't have assumed anyone would wait around for me to fix it. That's my fault."
"Ok, stealing a line from you here. Overidentify much?"
My mouth fell open as I looked at him. I couldn't help it. For one? He'd just my line. But for two? He'd used it before I had the chance to beat myself over the head with it and honestly? It sorta pissed me off and made me want to smile at the same time.
"I kind of know now that it was in the wrong, but I had to do it alone. I shouldn't have assumed anyone would wait around for me to fix it. That's my fault."
"I'm not saying that," I told him honestly, "Were you in the wrong for walking away and leaving her? Maybe. But how many times in the past whatever since you've left have you flogged yourself silly over it?" One look confirmed all I needed to know, "Exactly."
I took a breath and shredded my napkin a bit more. "And I didn't mean to make you out to be the bad guy because you're not. At least, not to me you're not. I just..." I smiled kind of apologetically, "Overidentify way too much?"
"Remind me to never get on your bad side." Puns aside wolfing down my food is a pretty good description right now. "So he's ok with me visiting. As long as you keep threatening him with the goat woman."
As soon as we've eaten we get them to throw the remnants in a box and we head out into the sunshine again. Fingers in hers tugging her to the van to give her a ride home I nudge against her hip with mine and smile.
I fall into step alongside Oz, grinning as he nudges his hip against mine. It's surprising how easy this is. Not just the standpoint of talking and, y'know, letting him do the whole nuzzle thing. But how unguilty I feel about leaving Wes and Gunn to do the detecting, mid-vision.
Even Wes said that I needed some downtime earlier, though... And I can't think of a better way to blow off steam than to hang out with Oz, all nuzzles welcome.
"Eww, not if I can help it." I say, my nose wrinkling up in disgust. I want no demons tonight. No demons, no visions, no nothing. Well, maybe Oz. Not in the sense of wanting Oz or-- Okay, maybe in that sense.
And now I'm smiling a little.
"I thought maybe we could rent a movie or something. Y'know, hang? Could be fun."
I can tell she's nervous, not the oh my god what am I doing and I'm gonna hate myself in about an hour nervous, but the this is totally new territory what now nervous.
"I'm good." Privacy was a good idea, no need to have both the ghost and the neighbors watching. "What do you want Cordy?" Seems fair, she asked me in a round about way and I didn't answer really, might as well give her the chance to be indecisive as well.
I always used to be so good at this, see. I had rules. Good rules! Never go past a kiss with a boy on a date. And last night didn't really constitute as that, due to the whole visionity thing but-- Would I?
Because I'm thinking right now I would, in this moment, yeah. Go further, I mean. Because it's Oz. And I trust him. And he's kissing me, stroking my stomach gently, so the idea of 'us' isn't totally insane.
The butterflies in my stomach start to settle somewhat and I look at him, smiling, "This. It's kinda nice being all... Couply?" I don't know if that's the right word or not, but Oz didn't run out the door so I guess it's okay me saying that, "And I used to be more confident than this, I swear, but since I woke up all fat and pregnant and icky? Not so much." I'm still smiling. And okay, really not nervous any more. Maybe I just needed to say what I wanted out loud.
Couply. There's a concept I hadn't faced in a long time. I'd kind of divorced myself from the idea of being with someone after trying to eat someone in a jealous werewolf thing. But it sounds good, warm, kind of makes me realize I was missing it.
"This is good. Confidence is overrated." I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her to the couch overbalancing us and landing in a heap. "You could never not look good."
"Yeah, you didn't see me pregnant." I say with a shudder. It wasn't the being pregnant that freaked me out so much. It was the whole demon spawn and dying post-child birth that got me.
I tuck my hair behind my ears and raise myself up on my elbows a little, looking down at Oz. It's weird how nice it is being on top of him... And okay, fighting the urge to actually blush at that comment.
"I don't know about the confidence being overrated part..." I muse, grinning down at him, "'Cause if I were shy? I probably wouldn't be lying on top of you right now."
Comments 67
I smile at her, she's got that annoyed clip to her walk and the frown she used to get whenever Xander used to say anything stupid while we were researching. So needless to say it's an expression I am familiar with.
"Wes being watchery?"
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I smile to take the sting off my words and thread my arm through Oz's, pleased I chose the no-heel look today. I'm a little closer to his height this way. "So, where we eating? Any preferences?"
Reply
I looked her over. She didn't look pale or like crap, she looked kind of annoyed but it was starting to fade into a kind of pretty smile around the edges.
"I'm good for anything, you pick."
I squeezed her arm with mine and smiled.
"And you'd have to be less angrily flushed to be wan."
Reply
God. My efforts are just not appreciated.
"I'm good for anything, you pick."
"Hmmm." What am I in the mood for? It's less like barf-city today. And my stomach has been doing this grumbly thing all morning, telling me I'm more than ready to actually, y'know, eat?
"And you'd have to be less angrily flushed to be wan."
I can't help but smile at that. "Gunn sorta... Accused me of letting our stool pigeon get away. Hence the angry flush. And lack of wan-ness. You feel like pizza?"
Reply
That hit like a punch to the jaw. I knew she'd been upset but hearing it each time was like a small reminder of what she must have gone through every day.
"Yeah. I left her she moved on, I hear that's what happens." Ok, stoic silent man alert. I could feel myself closing up and made myself relax. This was Cordy, we had official proof from Buffy that what she thought she said. That was part of her charm, you always knew exactly where you stood with her.
"I had to leave. Lame, but true."
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But then, of course, I was lying. Because I didn't get that. And regardless of whether it hurt Oz's feelings or not the words were coming out of my mouth.
"Actually? I sorta don't. I don't get how cutting people off works. I don't get how firing the people closest to you makes things better. Or how abandoning them seems to be the logical choice." And just like that? Our subtext had rapidly become text. Oz had to go because he had to find a way to control his wolf.
Angel had left because he had to find a guilt free way to boff Darla, probably right as we were talking. And color me thankful when the waiter came over and we had to order our pizza.
Reply
"Ok, stealing a line from you here. Overidentify much?" I wondered what the heck was going on with Angel that he had fired everyone and left, they'd seemed the happy group when I left. Well as happy as the dark brooding pale vampire got.
"I kind of know now that it was in the wrong, but I had to do it alone. I shouldn't have assumed anyone would wait around for me to fix it. That's my fault."
Reply
My mouth fell open as I looked at him. I couldn't help it. For one? He'd just my line. But for two? He'd used it before I had the chance to beat myself over the head with it and honestly? It sorta pissed me off and made me want to smile at the same time.
"I kind of know now that it was in the wrong, but I had to do it alone. I shouldn't have assumed anyone would wait around for me to fix it. That's my fault."
"I'm not saying that," I told him honestly, "Were you in the wrong for walking away and leaving her? Maybe. But how many times in the past whatever since you've left have you flogged yourself silly over it?" One look confirmed all I needed to know, "Exactly."
I took a breath and shredded my napkin a bit more. "And I didn't mean to make you out to be the bad guy because you're not. At least, not to me you're not. I just..." I smiled kind of apologetically, "Overidentify way too much?"
Reply
As soon as we've eaten we get them to throw the remnants in a box and we head out into the sunshine again. Fingers in hers tugging her to the van to give her a ride home I nudge against her hip with mine and smile.
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Even Wes said that I needed some downtime earlier, though... And I can't think of a better way to blow off steam than to hang out with Oz, all nuzzles welcome.
"You got a gig tonight?"
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"Nope. Song free tonight."
I stop and throw the pizza in the back.
"What about you? Demon plans tonight?"
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And now I'm smiling a little.
"I thought maybe we could rent a movie or something. Y'know, hang? Could be fun."
Reply
I can tell she's nervous, not the oh my god what am I doing and I'm gonna hate myself in about an hour nervous, but the this is totally new territory what now nervous.
"I'm good." Privacy was a good idea, no need to have both the ghost and the neighbors watching. "What do you want Cordy?" Seems fair, she asked me in a round about way and I didn't answer really, might as well give her the chance to be indecisive as well.
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I always used to be so good at this, see. I had rules. Good rules! Never go past a kiss with a boy on a date. And last night didn't really constitute as that, due to the whole visionity thing but-- Would I?
Because I'm thinking right now I would, in this moment, yeah. Go further, I mean. Because it's Oz. And I trust him. And he's kissing me, stroking my stomach gently, so the idea of 'us' isn't totally insane.
The butterflies in my stomach start to settle somewhat and I look at him, smiling, "This. It's kinda nice being all... Couply?" I don't know if that's the right word or not, but Oz didn't run out the door so I guess it's okay me saying that, "And I used to be more confident than this, I swear, but since I woke up all fat and pregnant and icky? Not so much." I'm still smiling. And okay, really not nervous any more. Maybe I just needed to say what I wanted out loud.
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"This is good. Confidence is overrated." I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her to the couch overbalancing us and landing in a heap. "You could never not look good."
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I tuck my hair behind my ears and raise myself up on my elbows a little, looking down at Oz. It's weird how nice it is being on top of him... And okay, fighting the urge to actually blush at that comment.
"I don't know about the confidence being overrated part..." I muse, grinning down at him, "'Cause if I were shy? I probably wouldn't be lying on top of you right now."
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