(no subject)
Okay. So. Emo post time.
I'm home, which is great.
But I'm at Zac's house. "What's so bad about that?" you may say. Well, it's bittersweet. See, I've known Zac since...7th grade. Maybe slightly before, through Shaun. I am completely in fuckin' love with him. No lie. So, you say, shouldn't you be happy you get to hang around him? Sure, yeah. But it's really difficult and frustrating. See, when my friends hang around the people they like, they can flirt, hug, whatever. I can't. I hate it. I love him to death. If I could, I would marry him right here and now (Okay, perhaps a slight exaggeration, but still..)
I'm in a really down, bummed-out mood because I know that I am just his friend, and probably a very readily-dispensible one at that. (In fact, I feel that I'm like that about almost all of my friends. Paranoia, I guess?) I want nothing more than to be more than a friend. I want to be able to hug him, put my arm around his shoulder. I mean...well, let's put it this way: I don't necessarily want to be his boyfriend (Well, yeah I do, but if not..), I just want to be his friend, by my definition, not his. I want to be someone special to him. I want to be special to someone, but especially Zac. I want to be someone who he tells about everything, what's going on in his life, when he's sad, happy, whatever. I want to be someone that he (Or anyone else, for that matter) will call 'just to talk'. I want more than being someone who hangs out with him on weekends. I want to mean something. I don't know. Maybe it's stupid and selfish and whatever, but...I've never ever ever felt the way around anyone else that I do around Zac. I mean, the thing is, he's not really what most people would consider hot. He doesn't have an amazing body, a great smile, or anything of the sort. But he does to me. God, this is so fucking corny. I can't believe I'm actually writing this.
I'm going to finish, but first: The next person who sees me either needs to give me a huge hug, or slap me in the fucking mouth for writing this. Moving on.
I can't stand it. He's gorgeous to me. I want him more than I've ever wanted anyone or anything in the world. Seriously. I mean, ya'll (all my friends) mean the world to me. That's not gonna change. But it would just be nice to have someone more than my friends in my life, and more importantly, someone who I'm more than physically attracted to. I dunno. Maybe I'm just being stupid, but have you ever found yourself wishing that you meant more to someone?
Ugh. Zac, if you ever read this, I love you a lot, and I'm too much of a pussy to say it to your face, and the next time you see me you should knock me out for it, because I know you probably won't ever talk to me again anyway.
Bleh.
Oh, in other news, I'm typing this from my new laptop, which rocks large amounts of ass.
That is all.
Also,
New Year's Bash-thing.
My place.
Tomorrow night (Duh).
Not sure what time exactly.
There is a limit on how many people can come, so let me know.
No, there will not be drugs nor alcohol, so if you're looking for that, look elsewhere (Just a friendly heads-up).
That's all.