Slipping Gears
“Shrimp isn’t a normal cat, you know,” Derek comments quietly. They were sitting on the porch swing, watching the tide come in.
Jun frowns, "Not a normal cat?"
"You didn’t notice?" Derek raises his eyebrow, looking at her, "How many cats are as well behaved as her?"
"...I've met a few."
"And she hasn’t grown at all."
Jun thinks about it. “...She is small."
Derek shakes his head. "...How many cats are that well behaved? Understands everything we say?" Derek shifts so he can look at his wife more directly, "She's never scratched anything she shouldn’t, either. We've only had to tell her things once...except when she gets it into her head to follow you."
"Shrimp goes where she wants to,” Jun interjects, the frown getting slightly more pronounced.
"Jun, she even kept off your hands when you were pregnant without being told. As for where she goes? It's usually with you, Jun."
Jun gives Derek another doubtful look, and he sighs, thinking, before leaning back over at her. "...Okay, then. Ask yourself this: How many pure breeds get tossed out onto the street?"
"That rarely happens,” Jun concedes. “That is strange."
Derek nods, continuing the thread of logic. "And how many strays run up to a human and latch onto their leg out of the blue?"
That is also true. “Usually they run away,” Jun provides.
"And hide," Derek adds to that, "And she didn’t let go until she was sure we wouldn’t toss her away."
"She did choose us. But I thought that was good taste on her part.”
"Well, yeah. Takes intelligence to have good taste," He smiles.
Jun giggles, and Derek leans over. He takes a quick nibble at one of her ears and then a gentle hug, one she returns with interest.
Hmn...wife hug. He nuzzles the top of her head.
Her breath quickens. She kisses the tip of his chin.
That makes Derek smile and gently tighten his hold for a moment before loosening up and rubbing her back.
Oddly shy, Jun fidgets.
Derek pauses, tilting his head and raising an eyebrow slightly. He'll let her go, if she wants, but he's hoping she won't.
Jun fidgets. Sidles. Pulls free.
He lets her go.
She reaches for his hand.
It's there for her, as always, and he wraps his own fingers in hers.
Jun walks toward their bedroom. The set of her shoulder is determined.
Derek remembers this scenario happening once before in what seems another lifetime. This time, he doesn't resist being led. He does hesitate though once there, before leaning in to kiss her jaw line.
Jun clears her throat, and shuts her eyes tight, holding him by his shoulders.
He's gentle, careful as he follows the line down to her shoulder and collar bone. Takes his time. Only removes what's directly in the way of his movement. She links her arms behind his neck and endeavors not to get in his way. Eventually, his hands find their way to her hips and under her shirt.
With this too he takes his time, working her top off slowly and only as far as his hands are currently working. He means to seduce, but he also means to give her the chance to break free if she must but she's not going anywhere. She's decided that a month and change was long enough.
If she longed for a condom, it was a fleeting desire. He felt nice and he smelled nice and she loved him and he loved her.
The condom occurs to Derek somewhere between working her shirt away and to the floor, and laying her back in the bed. It's forgotten in the efforts of repeating his careful attentions to get her jeans off.
Jun inhales as if to speak. Jun runs her fingers into his hair, and gently palms a handful, cupping his skull. "...Wait a minute."
He stops, looks at her. She smiles back, soothed by his eyes. Warmth makes her shiver. "How're you?" She's not looking at him as she asks. Rather, she's glaring at the ceiling with one eye.
He's...not sure how to answer that, and there's a pause before he simply gives her the truth, as always. "I miss you."
She grunts, and tries to hug him close to her. She says, "I don't know how to fix that."
He lets her, bends to nuzzle her neck. "Time," he replies quietly into her ear. One hand reaches up to tangle in her hair.
She shivers. "I miss how we used to be."
He nods, pauses. "...Someone broke our wings. Maybe we're being too careful with the healing." Another pause, "I'm all right, Jun," a gentle tracing of his fingers across her forehead, "I'm just looking for a way for it to be all right for you."
"That would be perfect, if you and I were both okay."
"It would."
She reaches for her jeans, determined to remove them. "Help?"
He shifts, one hand reaching underneath them. After a moment, he moves again, sitting up so that he can grab hold of both sides and pull. It's much faster this way, not so gentle, but he tries to make up for it by rubbing her legs afterward.
"It's okay, it's okay." She reaches up with a foot, and deposits the ankle on his shoulder. "I'm not in the mood." She says. "I want to be in the mood." Her legs wave gently from side to side. "Put me in the mood?"
"...How?" and that’s the problem right there. He's spent plenty of time reading her 'please stop' signals this past month that he's last track of the other ones. And right now, he's desperate enough that whatever he did would be...honestly quick and possibly slightly brutal. In the effort to not push her, he's made himself forget how to get her interested. He’s not even sure the old ways would work anymore.
She shrugs. "...Wish I knew."
And...he seems to deflate, "I cant force something out of you you don't have, Jun."
She cups his cheek. He kisses the hand and rolls away. She tries to curl up against his back. He lets her, closes his eyes for a moment, sighs, and finally rolls back around to face her, "I'm sorry."
"Why?"
"I'm....not doing any better at this."
“Maybe it's enough."
He echoes her gesture from a moment ago, cupping her face gently.
She relaxes, contented by the feel of his skin and the warmth of his regard.
"I want you," he says softly, "I do. But....not at the cost of how you feel." I don't want to force you, is what he's really trying to say.
She says, "Dear man, I'm not feeling much of anything besides grateful that I'm with you.”
"Then that's enough for me,” he replies. "I can wait. And I will wait." Ah, more echoes from two years ago. Like a circle.
There's an idea, and Jun takes it, "Do you ever...not wait? When you're by yourself?"
He smiles a little, "Not yet. Takes me a while to get to that point."
Jun pouts. "Maybe later," she says absently.
Derek frowns, "...For..?"
Her smile is arch, her eyes dreamily closed. She has said all she wishes to on the matter. She may have dimpled. She is thinking wicked thoughts. Or at least, thoughts like she used to have around him.
If she had asked if he dreamed about her that way though, the answer would have been different. Those haven’t stopped, and he’s headed straight for the shower upon waking up more than once the past month.
With her silence, and the smile she’s not sharing, he's now the one feeling restless and he sits up.
Her foot slides from his shoulder. She laughs. "What?"
He looks at her, shakes his head.
Her questioning look is frank. She folds her hands at her breast.
"I just have no clue if I'm coming or going, is all,” he says quietly.
"I'm sorry. If it helps either, neither do I."
"Well, at least we're together in that," he looks at the sheets between them for a minute." The worst part is, he still wants her. Right now. And there's no etiquette for that. Especially after coming to a screeching halt. And knowing that it wasn’t really what his wife wanted.
Still in need. Jun sits up, kissing him. She'll take care of him in other ways, if he'll allow. For whatever reason, her own pleasure isn't something she's willing to face. But she wants him to find relief and delight. And if he'll allow, she'll do so.
"Lie back?"
He hesitates at the quiet request, studying her face. Then finally nods, doing so.