(no subject)
these past two days have been awful
i made jv lacrosse. i didnt want to be on jv. i wanted varsity. i didnt want to be the junior on jv. i wanted a challenge, i wanted those grueling practices, i wanted to feel like i wasnt good enough to play just so i worked harder. well i guess that will have to wait til next year.
i got the letter yesterday and on the way home i was sobbing. i couldnt hold it in. it just tore me apart. i wanted it so so bad. i know i could have done better at tryouts but i thought they would have taken into account of my playing last year (which apparently they did but i just really sucked at tryouts)
my parents were so sweet though. my dad said he isnt going to give marian any more donations (this made me laugh and feel better even though he was joking) and my mom bought me the cutest tigger socks in the WORLD. i love my parents. but they didnt feel bad enough for me to get me an i-pod, but hey i tried.
today rosemary and i were confronted by mrs gaer. she told us why we werent on varsity and she felt bad for us. rosemary started crying and i started to get tears in my eyes but i HATE HATE HATE crying in front of people. it took so much guts to just walk into that meeting. rosemary and i did not want to be there. we were made captains along with justine. im happy that im still on the team and all but during that meeting i just felt old and out of place there. i realized it would be another not so serious season. i want the challenge.
i was bawling the whole way home. it was kinda pathetic actually but i couldnt stop it. i mean i just wanted it so badly and when i didnt get it i was crushed.
i called up dom because i cant stand listening to my thoughts for a second more and i just need to get out tonight away from my sympathizing family. we are going to see The Ring 2. im not a fan of scary movies but whatever, ill live.
i told my mom about today. she asked who made it and i was like 5 sophomores. realizing that 5 stupid sophomores were better than me at tryouts (but i know in a couple of weeks when i get back in the swing of things im way better than 2 of them) killed me. i started yelling at my mom and i feel kinda bad now. but she was telling me all the wrong things and i just didnt want to hear it. god im so angry right now. grrr.... i really need to get out tonight.
i think i will go to the play tomorrow night with paige, daniela, christine, and all them. if you want to join just give me a call. the more the merrier. and i promise i will be in a better mood.