[One Shot] Back to December
Title: Back to December
Pairing: Ohmiya
Rating: PG
Author: chellie
Summary: “They either have a hard time bouncing back to life or, if the time comes that you want them back, they have a hard time bouncing back to you. Make up your mind. Keep him forever or let him go now.”
Note: A fic request by ica_90. Enjoy~
Prompt: Taylor Swift's song Back to December.
It was my last year in the university when our school messed up with my chosen electives and gave me subjects that I didn't sign up for. I'd already finished my major subjects and was left with my thesis and a few electives.
One of the subjects was Contemporary Art.
“Wow, art,” I scoffed, looking at my schedule, checking which building and hall I should go to next. I was planning on canceling my slot for that subject and signing up for another.
The campus was big but finding the arts building wasn't so hard since it was surrounded with a lot of funny looking figures. Anyway, their area was an exhibit within itself.
I entered the lecture hall and sat on the seat farthest from the stage. The hall filled up to three-hundred students, and so far, there were less than a hundred waiting for the instructor. It was ten minutes before the class started. I opened my notebook and looked at the schedules of the subject I opted for.
“Are you canceling your slot?”
I glanced at the guy sitting two seats away from me. He wore a green shirt, jeans, chucks, a hat, and his ID. He was also looking at my notebook.
“Um.. yeah.” I cleared my throat. “Do you know who's teaching?”
He got up and moved to sit beside me.
“You're a Math major and you're working on your thesis,” he said, looking at my schedule. “Even your electives are maths. That's pretty stressful. Oh, Ohno Satoshi will be teaching this subject.”
“Ok, thanks,” I replied, placing my stuff on the other vacant seat beside me. I glanced at the man beside me while he was looking at his phone. “Are you an art major?” I asked, trying to make small talk.
“Yeah. Art is good. It kind of drains the stress created in this world. It's beautiful.”
I swear, his eyes sparkled when he talked about it.
I glimpsed at the wall clock in front. It was already time. The instructor hasn't come yet. Five minutes have passed and he still wasn't there.
“He's pretty late.” I clicked my tongue, gathered my things, and got up.
“You're leaving?” The man asked. “Why not wait for him? I thought you were going to cancel.”
“I'll come back tomorrow. I'll try to catch up and check with the other classes.”
With that, I made my way down the stairs, towards the exit. I was ten steps away from the door when..
“Good morning. I'm Ohno Satoshi, and I will be teaching this class from this day until the last day of classes.” He wrote his name on the board. It was the man who sat beside me a few minutes ago. “By the way, if any of you are planning to cancel, please, please, stay for the rest of the period and I will make sure that you will stay for the rest of the semester.”
He looked my way and smiled cheekily.
And that day, someone fell in love with me.
We were about a year into exclusively dating and everything was okay. We were happy and always tried to be. We had petty fights but we made sure we patch things before the day ends. I was stubborn and yet, he was extremely patient.
He drove a pickup truck and I loved looking at him when he laughed. I am no joker but he made me seem like one. I am no cook but he ate every single thing I'd put on a plate in front of him. He was so good to me.
We were two years into our relationship when I realized that I do love him. What was not to love, after all. I, myself, am aware of how thick and tall the walls I've built around me, and it wasn't easy, even for a person like Satoshi, to overcome. A part of me still had my guard up but he stuck through it all. After all his hardships, I ended up being in love with him, too.
I saw how his eyes lit up when I finally said, “I love you, too.”
We were in his quaint apartment that day.
“I'm sorry,” I said, hugging him tight. “It took me so long to say that.”
He kissed me.
“That's okay. I'd wait for forever just to hear you say that, and, right now, I am the happiest man I know.” He smiled and kissed my forehead.
I ended up being in love with him, too. I ended up being in love with him, too?
I wasn't confident about that. I doubted myself but I had to give him a chance and take ourselves to the next level.
Being adults, we had jobs. I now worked in research while he transferred in a museum as a curator. There were weeks when we barely had time for each other and only had enough time for a decent rest. During those time, 'a decent rest' meant four hours of sleep. I usually slept at his place but, being too tired, I stayed at mine.
A weekend came, and he surprised me. I wanted to rest so badly that day. He rang the doorbell and I opened the door to a man carrying all sorts of fluff and sweet; in his hands were a huge teddy bear, chocolates, flowers, wine, and a paper bag of games and DVDs.
“Surprise!”
Could he have been more enthusiastic? I did my best efforts to smile at him.
But I guess it wasn't good enough. I could see it in the way his posture was suddenly slouched. I looked at him apologetically.
“Burnout. Work has been an asshole.”
I was being an asshole.
His smile was pitiful.
“I could just throw all of this in the bin downstairs. It's Saturday, garbage collectors are probably coming. We can sleep all day if that's what you want,” he proposed.
“Well.” I took the bear from him and pulled him inside. “We could sleep first and have all of this later. How's that sound?”
He sighed and shrugged.
“Sounds good.”
“You're still with him?” Aiba asked, serving me with omurice.
He has a restaurant in Chiba and I used to visit him monthly during college. Time passed and I visited him only when I had problems. People would think he's stupid but he was good at reading/analyzing people, and he was very aware of the fact that I came to him to talk about my problems most of the time now.
We've been friends long enough for me to tell him everything.
“What's wrong if we're still together?”
“Do you even love the guy?” he asked. He was wiping the counter, making sure it was spotless clean.
“Of course, I love him.”
“Are you sure?” Aiba asked, looking at me straight in the eye. “You love him? Or you think you love him? That's a huge difference, Nino. From your stories, he seems like an extremely nice and sweet man but his kind of people are usually the worst when they're hurt. They either have a hard time bouncing back to life or, if the time comes that you want them back, they have a hard time bouncing back to you. Make up your mind. Keep him forever or let him go now.”
He was right. I had to make up my mind.
“But you love me..” he said, cupping my face. Tears welled up in his eyes, eventually fell, and didn't stop from falling.
I wanted to kill myself. How could I do this to him? He gave me everything, loved me, and this is what I do to him?
“Satoshi, let's not be stupid” I held his hands, pulling them away from my face. “You've always been so good to me and I've been the worst possible person for you. I can't love you as much as you love me, and I hate that. You have to let me go.”
“But I don't want to lose yo--”
I kissed him on the cheek and he embraced me tight. It was the last time that I would be in his arms. I wished to stay but it wasn't right. Slowly, I slipped away from him and grabbed my bag. I walked to the door as fast as I could, hoping he wouldn't call out to me. I didn't want to see him.. look at him like he was reaching out for his soul. It pained seeing him like that.
“Kazunari.. I love you.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I kept my hands on the doorknob, ready to leave.
“If we ever love again, I promise to love you right. Goodbye, Satoshi.”
I missed him. I kept on thinking about him. The freedom was temporary as a big part of me was still attached to him. I longed for Satoshi.
But I wanted this.
It's been a year and I gave in.
Now, we are sitting across one another in your favorite coffee shop.
“I'm glad you came,” I told him. “I know you're busy, so thanks for your time. I really appreciate it.”
His smile was set and the look on his eyes was blank.
“How are you? And your family?”
“They're good. My father has been assigned in Osaka for months now,” he replied, then looking outside the window.
We make small talk and I know that I'm just going around in circles. We fell silent for a moment, looking at each other, waiting for what the other really wanted to say.
“Sato-- Ohno-san, I'm sorry about that night.” I looked down, knowing that I didn't have the right to even be in front of him. “I'd go back in time and change what happened, but I can't. I understand if you're still mad at me.”
“I was hurt. A part of me died when you left and said goodbye.” He sighed. “Looking at you right now... makes me want to hurt you.. make you feel the pain that you made me feel. If you called me out today and said that you still love me, I will reject you and hope that you feel ten times the pain that you've given me.”
I had no words.
“Kazu..”
I looked up. He called me by my first name and it was hauntingly beautiful and nostalgic to my ear.
“Do you still love me?” he asked.
I swallowed the fear in my throat.
“Yes,” I answered.
“That's good to hear.” He stood and picked up his bags. “I have moved on. Please, know that I don't love you anymore and nothing will ever be right between us anymore. I hope this hurts you. Goodbye, Kazunari.”
He left.
It hurt and I know I deserved it.
-
Author's note: I have tissues somewhere he if you need any. I hope you all, especially Isya, enjoyed this. Thanks for dropping by! Comments are love and loved! :-*