Comments | shmuelisms: Dear Mommy

shmuelisms

Dear Mommy

Jun 19, 2009 17:52

I just sent my mother the following letter, with regard to her behavior over the Passover, as described here: Bomb-shell on a Leash. I thought I'd share it with you all. This is one of those extremely rare friends-locked entries. It took me so long to write this up, if only because it hurt like hell to write.

( Dear Mommy, )

Comments 5

64tbird June 19 2009, 21:22:16 UTC

I told you my version of this. By the time I was 20 I stopped believing the promises. I ignored them completely.

So when my mother followed through on one, taking me to Europe for my 21st birthday (taking herself to Europe and using my birthday as an excuse) I was completely unprepared. I had rented a house for the summer with friends, I hadn't bothered to get a passport...nothing. When she called to make sue I got my passport because she had the tickets in hand I had to rush to figure everything out and get it in time ( ... )

I agree with tracy gh4acws June 20 2009, 01:17:35 UTC

your mother is unlikely to change. Change is work and often hurts so people avoid it usually. ( btdt )
My mother was far more harmless and yet I do know the frustration of hoping again and again that she would understand and/or admit mistakes. At some point however I noticed MY pattern : expecting MORE care and understanding from people who are close to us - than if this was just anyone of the same age and socio-economic background and education ( and and ) but not related to me. Then all the stupid opinions/words would not affect me - from my mother I expect M O R E. ( applies to all other relationships too ( ... )

Re: I agree with tracy 64tbird June 20 2009, 14:30:31 UTC

Yes - yes - I was the dutiful daughter too. Got me nothing but my own peace of mind, but by then that was all that mattered.

I told the boys recently, I am doing my best. But when you get to be about 16-18 years old, "It's up to you to fix anything I screwed up. At that point, you can take over responsibility for who you are and who you want to be. I'm doing my best, but I'm not perfect, so you'll have to figure it out then and make whatever deficits you feel I've given you into something better for yourselves."

eloquentscream June 20 2009, 03:39:06 UTC

Thank you for sharing with us.
More later; happy belated birthday, dearest.
Love,
L

HA! shmuelisms June 22 2009, 00:19:09 UTC

Getting a comment from you is rare indeed! Thank you dear. Hope to see your pretty face soon.