Growing up, I always assumed I would have kids someday. What surprises me in that the older I get, the more frightening the idea becomes.
I feel like I finally got good at my life at some point; I love my job, my home, my partner. I have enough money. I take lots of vacations, and often times it's hard to tell my vacations from my job. This life was hard won, and the thought of something as drastic as a child altering things, or potentially tipping the whole thing out of balance, is really intimidating.
Ive always ambiguously planned on it. I guess social pressures (and the ol' Biological Imperative) cause it as much as anything.
Ive sort of had this discussion at Ladies Night with Ness and Anneke and a few other people. They seem to be more on the Adopt Babies team.
My position is this:
I would say I am more on the Have Babies team, but thats directed (?) at people who are intelligent, awesome, productive people (IAPP). My concern is that the wrong people are having babies - the uninformed, irrational, idiotic bogans (UIIB) of the world are reproducing at an alarming rate. Of course, by genetic mutation some of those children will become IAPP, but doubtless most will be more UIIB. However! We IAPP are more likely to produce more IAPP!
I am unconvinced that UIIBhood is a nuture issue. Idiocy is clearly genetic, for starters. So, it is my belief that in order to drive out UIIB (a noble cause!), we IAPP need to breed like freakin' rabbits.
This, of course, is my argument directed at the Ladies and their adoption position. Adoption is a noble pursuit, and definitely an amazing opportunity, especially for the infertile IAPP amongst us. But I don't believe adoption should be the first choice.
I should also mention that, although my position is Team Baby, my ethical standpoint is most certainly Team Choice - coincidentally, this exactly mirrors my positions on abortion (and similarly, euthanasia*). I wonder if there is a correlation somewhere...
* We should start a charity or something called Youth In Asia** ** No doubt somebody already did.
I am on team Adoption, however this does not mean that i don't dream about making a little baby me, who likes all the stuff i like, and looks a bit like me/whoever turns out to be so awesome that i'm cool with making a mini one of them
( ... )
Biological clocks scare me. I sometimes think I'll put it off for far too long and miss the boat. Or it will happen when I least expect it and I'll have to just learn to live with it. I'm afraid of the sense of loss or the sense of resentment I'd feel post-massive-life-change, although obviously I have no idea if this would be the case. I'm afraid of missing out on things that I perhaps wouldn't be able to do if I had another person to take care of. I'm scared of not experiencing any of these things.
I HATE being continuously asked if I am planning on having kids, like a woman's measure of success is how many kids they can produce. Your question is in a different context so it's ok, but the all-knowing wink-wink 'better hurry up or you'll be an old maid' and the surprised 'oh!' along with the unspoken "What's wrong with her?" camp can piss right off and leave me alone :)
*shrug* I thought about adopting an orangutan today. Does that count? :)
I'm afraid of missing out on things that I perhaps wouldn't be able to do if I had another person to take care of. I'm scared of not experiencing any of these things.
I feel that way too. However, I also sometimes feel that (even now at 27) I might be too old to properly enjoy my (potential) kid(s) growing up, and when are grown up to the point where I can kick them out of home (in a nice way!), Ill be too old to enjoy what life I have left.
*shrugs* My parents were 27/28 when they had me. By the time they were done, they were 35. Thats way too old. They're 55 ish now, and still have two kids at home. Fuck that. In an ideal world, I'd churn out my last* kid [well] before I was 30.
I think people are definitely threatened by the vegan thing, because you're making a moral choice which makes some people assume that you're judging them for their choices and then they get all insecure about it. I used to be kind of like that until I realized 99% of vegans/vegetarians/homeschoolers etc don't really give a crap and the 1% that do correspond pretty closely to the proportion of incurable assholes in the general population. I can't really imagine myself having a baby because I'm super irresponsible! The thought of having a responsibility to another person forever freaks me out a lot. I get bored all the time with other people, personal projects, pets (I think the biggest indicator that I really shouldn't have a kid)... So no, I fear for the wellbeing of any babies I might have.
On an unrelated note I miiiight have asked you before but do I know you? Not that I mind you watching my journal but now I'm wondering if I shouldn't be watching you back.
No, you don't know me. I saw a post you made on the linguaphiles community once (?You don't seem to be a member of that one- my memory could be faulty) and followed you to your journal and discovered that a) Your posts are often interesting and b) You live in Perth and in fact go to Curtin, like me, and so I added you. I intended to also say "Hello, can I watch your journal?" but I didn't get around to it and time passed so I ended up just lurking which is actually a little rude.
Ahem: Hello, can I watch your journal?
You don't know me personally and I don't consistently post about much? Generally I just sporadically say "I think this about my life! Yadda yadda-" and my mom comments and says something encouraging. But! You can watch me back if you like! Or not!
Haha, oh I am a member of linguaphiles, I just don't watch it. I do read (or should I say skim) regularly though! I don't think there's anything particularly rude about watching someone silently, I just assumed you were a spambot for a while and then after I realized you were a person I started thinking "huh, I should say hi". But like you I never got around to it :V
Also, I'm totally watching you. Friends! On the internet! How exciting!
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What surprises me in that the older I get, the more frightening the idea becomes.
I feel like I finally got good at my life at some point; I love my job, my home, my partner. I have enough money. I take lots of vacations, and often times it's hard to tell my vacations from my job.
This life was hard won, and the thought of something as drastic as a child altering things, or potentially tipping the whole thing out of balance, is really intimidating.
Reply
Ive sort of had this discussion at Ladies Night with Ness and Anneke and a few other people. They seem to be more on the Adopt Babies team.
My position is this:
I would say I am more on the Have Babies team, but thats directed (?) at people who are intelligent, awesome, productive people (IAPP). My concern is that the wrong people are having babies - the uninformed, irrational, idiotic bogans (UIIB) of the world are reproducing at an alarming rate. Of course, by genetic mutation some of those children will become IAPP, but doubtless most will be more UIIB. However! We IAPP are more likely to produce more IAPP!
I am unconvinced that UIIBhood is a nuture issue. Idiocy is clearly genetic, for starters. So, it is my belief that in order to drive out UIIB (a noble cause!), we IAPP need to breed like freakin' rabbits.
Reply
This, of course, is my argument directed at the Ladies and their adoption position. Adoption is a noble pursuit, and definitely an amazing opportunity, especially for the infertile IAPP amongst us. But I don't believe adoption should be the first choice.
I should also mention that, although my position is Team Baby, my ethical standpoint is most certainly Team Choice - coincidentally, this exactly mirrors my positions on abortion (and similarly, euthanasia*). I wonder if there is a correlation somewhere...
* We should start a charity or something called Youth In Asia**
** No doubt somebody already did.
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But I don't think Adopt-A-Bogan would be a very successful programme.
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I HATE being continuously asked if I am planning on having kids, like a woman's measure of success is how many kids they can produce. Your question is in a different context so it's ok, but the all-knowing wink-wink 'better hurry up or you'll be an old maid' and the surprised 'oh!' along with the unspoken "What's wrong with her?" camp can piss right off and leave me alone :)
*shrug* I thought about adopting an orangutan today. Does that count? :)
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I feel that way too. However, I also sometimes feel that (even now at 27) I might be too old to properly enjoy my (potential) kid(s) growing up, and when are grown up to the point where I can kick them out of home (in a nice way!), Ill be too old to enjoy what life I have left.
Maybe science will save me.
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Eat good, exsercise and don't smoke and you should be right?
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* I always figured on 2-3...
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On an unrelated note I miiiight have asked you before but do I know you? Not that I mind you watching my journal but now I'm wondering if I shouldn't be watching you back.
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No, you don't know me. I saw a post you made on the linguaphiles community once (?You don't seem to be a member of that one- my memory could be faulty) and followed you to your journal and discovered that
a) Your posts are often interesting and
b) You live in Perth and in fact go to Curtin, like me,
and so I added you. I intended to also say "Hello, can I watch your journal?" but I didn't get around to it and time passed so I ended up just lurking which is actually a little rude.
Ahem:
Hello, can I watch your journal?
You don't know me personally and I don't consistently post about much? Generally I just sporadically say "I think this about my life! Yadda yadda-" and my mom comments and says something encouraging. But! You can watch me back if you like! Or not!
Reply
Also, I'm totally watching you. Friends! On the internet! How exciting!
Reply
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