And after all this/Won't you give me a smile?

[shoebox2]

I'm not sure if the following is anything particularly profound, or even novel, from a spiritual standpoint. Honestly, for all I know, this could be Intro to Theology 101 at Bible college. Which I never attended.

It's kind of interesting to me, though. I mean, how I learned that it is, in fact, quite possible to trap yourself in Hell by actively

Comments

[rj_anderson]

I think a lot of this hinges on what you mean by "forgive". You can have an attitude of forgiveness toward someone, in that you do not intend to retaliate against them or harbor hatred against them in your heart, and yet not entrust yourself to them or put yourself back at their mercy. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for someone who's sinned against you and hurt you is to stand firm and not allow them to do it again.

So if somebody's hurt you and they come back to you asking for forgiveness (and even if it isn't mentioned in this particular passage in Matthew, it's mentioned in the other gospels that the person needs to repent and ask to be forgiven), then you shouldn't harden your heart against them and consider them your enemy -- but that doesn't mean you can't draw a line in the sand and say, "Your behaviour is unacceptable, and I will not stand here and allow you to treat me and others this way. If you try to do it again, there will be consequences."

[shoebox2]

Thanks much for this, it's appreciated. :)

This is all more or less the same conclusion we came to, regarding the concept of forgiveness -- especially Shoemom, who really got interested once she saw it as a belated attempt to instill respect into her daughters.

The trick was -- still is -- in deciding exactly where and when to draw the line regarding unacceptable behaviour. It's all very well to be able to instantly identify wrong-doing, but what happens when it's just common or garden-variety irritating behaviour -- sure, it hurts you, but in the grand scheme of things it's not precisely bringing the party to a dead halt.

Do you risk looking foolish and attempt to nip it in the bud, or do you wait awhile and risk your anger building up to the point where you might not be able do deal with it rationally?

And oh, by the way, does it make a difference if the unacceptable type seems to genuinely not understand what they've done wrong? Is it worth trying to illumine them, or is that best left to more Capable hands?

[rj_anderson]

I think there's nothing wrong -- in fact I think there's a lot right -- with letting the other person know, politely but firmly, that what they are saying or doing is hurtful and inappropriate. (It's easier to do this when you're intervening on somebody else's behalf, but there's no reason you can't say it when she's being hurtful to you, either