king & lionheart iii/iv
The next few months are some of the happiest times that Jongin has spent in sixteen years of living. When he isn’t training or at Sehun’s beck and call, he’s in town, having snuck off to go visit Soojung. True to his word, he had come to see her every chance that he got. It was getting easier and easier to sneak out, what with the war with Zhanguo getting worse and everyone’s attention in the castle being focused on that. Even Sehun was noticing Jongin less, being shut up more often with his tutors and learning all the finer details of becoming the eventual king of Joseon. Jongin’s training was getting longer and more strenuous, but since he was already so good at what he did, his time wasn’t as monopolized as Sehun’s had become, and he was free more often than not to go into town.
Soojung was always quietly waiting for him, pretty smile on her face and a small hand shyly holding onto his own. Her sister (Jongin was glad he had guessed correctly), Sooyeon, always sent them off with a teasing jab at their “silly young love”, but Jongin noticed that there was a hint of worry and care in her eyes when she sent them off. But he was too distracted by being thrilled and happy to be with Soojung to put much thought into it.
The time they spent together wasn’t anything amazing or special by any means. They spent most of their time in silence, riding their horses together, or just sitting along the banks of the river and basking in the late autumn air, which was still warm, but not overbearingly so.
Jongin quite enjoyed the silence, actually. It was a nice change from what he was used to. Most of his time was usually spent with Sehun, who felt that time spent with silence was time wasted. The prince liked to talk, and Jongin was usually on the other end of all of that chatter. He didn’t mind, but it could still become a nuisance when he wanted to sit and think. Soojung was the complete opposite of Sehun, and Jongin was fascinated by the difference.
Their appearances are similar, in Jongin’s eyes, with their pale and soft skin, such a contrast to Jongin’s own sun bronzed and rough skin, earned from years and years of training outside. And sometimes, in those silences when he and Soojung are sitting together, hands clasped, Jongin wonders if that’s what attracted him to her in the first place. He always dismisses that thought instantly, because he’ll start feeling guilty if he thinks that it’s the only reason.
He can’t help the comparisons, though, when he and Soojung are kissing. There is such a difference between kissing her and kissing Sehun. While Jongin can still easily be the dominant one and control the kiss, with Sehun it’s more of a fight and more rough and forceful. Soojung is all soft lips and shy movements, just like in everything else she does. Everything about her is softer than Sehun, and Jongin can’t get enough of that difference. He truly likes her so much, and that is what causes him to become more careless with how long he stays out and how long his absences can go unexplained.
It’s hard to care about that though, when Soojung is breaking the silence to tell him how much she likes Jongin, soft lips pressing against his cheek. Or when she’s telling him little stories about her life and what it’s like to live in town and her family. Her experiences are so different that Jongin’s own growing up, and he always wants to hear more. They cause these small seeds of resentment to plant themselves in his head, but Jongin doesn’t give much thought to them. He knows that they’re going to overwhelm him sooner rather than later, but he’d rather deal with it when it comes, than when he’s spending time with Soojung.
Time spent with her has become Jongin’s favorite, and even though it’s simple and they don’t do much, it’s the best time he’s ever experienced. This is something that’s completely his own, and that knowledge fills him with a certain kind of joy that is addicting and amazing all at once. Jongin can’t get enough, and he hopes with everything he has that it doesn’t end anytime soon.
Sehun’s in his lesson on military strategies when it hits him. The books in front of him blur as his vision goes hazy, and he’s hit with the image of a riverbank that he’s not familiar with. He can see Jongin lying in the grass, eyes closed and relaxed as he soaks up the sun. There’s someone next to him, a pale girl with long, flowing black hair and she’s curled up intimately against Jongin’s side.
The image disappears as soon as it comes, and Sehun’s extremely disoriented as his books and tutor come back into focus. He tries to pay attention, but it gets harder the more he can’t take his mind off what the saw. The image of Jongin being close with someone else, someone that isn’t Sehun, upsets him greatly. They haven’t spent any time together, not since the lashing. That incident had changed something in their relationship, had broken something and neither knew how to fix it. Sehun was still guilty, so guilty and sorry, but he had never been able to convey that to Jongin. The older boy was clearly angry with Sehun, but he hadn’t bothered to try and fix anything between them either.
Now that the war was getting worse and Sehun’s father was preparing to actually leave the castle and join the battlegrounds, Sehun was thrust into more lessons and preparations for his upcoming ascension to the throne. He refuses to think that he might lose his father once he leaves, and the lessons he has to sit through are so demanding that it actually serves as a distraction from those thoughts. But now that he doesn’t have Jongin to help aid in that distraction, it pushes him deeper into stress and worry over everything that’s going on.
This image he just witnessed just pushes that fact more firmly to the front of his mind, and he can’t focus on anything else any longer. Not with all these thoughts crowding around in his brain.
“We’ll continue these later,” he announces to his tutor, abruptly pushing himself away from his seat.
His tutor splutters, stumbling to his feet and trying to protest to him leaving. But Sehun simply shoots him the best glare he can muster, and the man is pushed into silence under the look. Sehun sweeps from the room then, rushing back to his rooms and instructing his attendants to leave him be until he calls for them.
Once they’re gone he sinks onto his sofa, fingers rubbing circles into his temples to relieve his growing headache. Sehun can’t rid himself of the image of Jongin with that unknown girl, and the more he thinks about it, the more sick to his stomach he feels. His instinct is telling him that this is something that has been going on, that Jongin’s disappearances most likely have to do with this girl.
He reaches a decision then, and calls for his attendants to summon the castle’s spymaster to his rooms. A short time later he arrives, the man about as old as Sehun’s father, eyes sharp and calculating. He’ll be perfect, Sehun thinks.
“I have a job for you,” Sehun says, not rising from his seat.
“What is it, my prince?” the spymaster asks, head inclined.
“I take it that you’ve noticed my lionheart has been missing more and more frequently these past months?” Sehun asks, the words bitter on his tongue. The man nods at this, staying silent while he waits for Sehun to continue. “Find out where he goes, and what he does. Only track one of his outings, that’ll be enough to know what he’s up to. Report to me personally as soon as you’ve found out. No written reports, I don’t want a record of this.”
“As you wish, Prince Sehun. It will be completed before the week is up.”
“Good, you may leave.” Sehun waves his hand, dismissing the spymaster, who bows before turning and silently exiting the room.
Once Sehun is alone again, a dread settles in the pit of his stomach. He can’t shake the feeling that he’s going to find out something that he doesn’t want to know, that it’s going to be something that upsets him even more than he is right now. But he knows that this was the right thing to do. Jongin is his lionheart, and it’s his right to know what the other boy is up to. If Jongin is keeping secrets from him, then Sehun is going to find them out and put a stop to whatever is going on.
That conclusion reassures him, and Sehun is less heavy-hearted as he freshens himself up to return to his lessons. Whatever comes of this is going to be a turning point, and Sehun is content in the knowledge that he’s going to have solid information soon. Whether it be good or bad.
Jongin has been lying with Soojung in the grass for the past hour. He has his arm wrapped around her shoulders, holding her close against his side as her head rested on his chest. The heat of her body next to his lulls him into a calm state, eyes drifting lazily shut and limbs relaxing. It’s rare for him to get this sort of downtime in the castle, and he cherishes every moment he can get like this with Soojung.
A rustling in the trees around them stirs Jongin into alertness immediately. The sound wasn’t that of an animal scurrying around, and if it weren’t for his sharp senses he wouldn’t have picked up on it at all. But all his time in the forests around the castle, training for just this type of thing, for human movement in trees and how to pick them out from animals, has taught him to know when he’s not alone in the forest.
He pushes Soojung off his chest, who gives him a curious look as he sits up, eyes intently scanning the trees around them. Jongin can’t hear or sense any more movement, the rustling has stopped completely. His ears strain to pick up anything else that they can, but whoever is out there is just as good as Jongin himself. The forest is utterly still, as if nothing had disturbed the air at all.
“What is it?” Soojung asks once Jongin’s posture begins to relax somewhat.
“Nothing, I thought I heard something. Must have been a trick of my mind. Don’t worry,” he says, smiling as he lies back down and beckons her into his arms.
Soojung settles back against him, her face turned up so she can lean in and press her lips against his own. Jongin relaxes into the kiss, slowly returning it and holding her body closer as his fingers play with the dark strands of her hair.
Even after they break the kiss, and lie in silence once more, Jongin’s body slowly slipping back into the calm state it was in before, he can’t rid himself of the suspicion that there was someone else out there in the trees. It brings a nervousness crawling up his spine, and he can’t help but worry that something is going to go wrong.
It’s after Sehun has finished his dinner and is making his way back to his rooms when the spymaster approaches him. His body tenses up then, and he’s suddenly regretting eating as much as he did when his stomach begins twisting in knots.
The spymaster doesn’t say a word, simply waits for Sehun to lead them into his rooms and collapse onto his sofa before finally speaking. “I’ve discovered where lionheart Jongin goes when he disappears.” Sehun keeps his face as blank as he can when he signals for the other to continue. “There’s an apothecary shop in town, run by a family that has two young, unmarried daughters. Lionheart Jongin is in some kind of relationship with the youngest girl. I followed them into the woods and to the eastern riverbank just outside of town. They didn’t do more than lie in silence together, and share kisses. Your lionheart sensed my presence at one point, and very nearly found me. I was only able to stay a little longer before having to leave before they did.”
Sehun’s heart clenches at the news. He didn’t want to believe that Jongin had someone else besides him. It shouldn’t be that way, it wasn’t allowed, Sehun was supposed to be the only person that Jongin cared about. Not some lowly shopkeeper’s daughter.
“You’ve done well. Keep this between us, now go,” Sehun says, fingers trembling as the spymaster bows and leaves as quickly and silently as he came.
As soon as he’s alone, Sehun lets his calm mask drop. He stands and begins pacing around his room, thoughts jumbled and emotions in disarray. Everything about him is a mess, and Sehun doesn’t know what to do with himself. This is something that he never thought he’d have to deal with. For as long as he can remember, it’s always been him and Jongin. No one else. Jongin has always only had Sehun, and that’s the way it should be.
Lionhearts weren’t supposed to have anyone else but their princes and kings. They were their lives, and Sehun can’t wrap his head around the fact that Jongin would even try to have someone else besides himself. It makes him so upset and angry; upset, because he thinks that he wasn’t enough to satisfy Jongin, and angry, because Jongin was very blatantly breaking the rules and Sehun had to do something to keep his father from finding out and punishing the older boy.
He resolves to confront Jongin about it this night. Sehun will go to Jongin’s rooms, because he knows that he’ll be in control of the situation no matter where they’re at. He’s the prince, and Jongin was the one breaking rules and customs, so Sehun knows that he has the right to reprimand the older boy, who can say nothing in defense of himself.
Sehun steels his nerves and settles his twisting stomach as best he can as he makes his way to Jongin’s room. Whatever happens, things are going to change, and Sehun is preparing himself for the inevitable.
The walk to Jongin's room takes no time at all, and when he knocks, there's no answer or even any noise from the other side. He pushes the door open, and the room is dark, no candles lit or anything. Jongin isn't back yet.
He sets about lighting the lamps in the room, and takes in the state of it once it's fully lit. The room is tidy, not nearly as cluttered with things as Sehun's own is. Since he doesn't know when Jongin will be back, and he doesn't want to dwell on the problem at hand, Sehun decides to look around. It's not very often he can do something like this, and he's curious at the type of personal items that Jongin keeps.
To his disappointment, there's nothing special or revealing at all. Jongin only keeps his clothes in here, and various trinkets and items that Sehun himself had given him. A few books from the library are stacked neatly on the desk, but they're all on war history and subjects of that nature, which is completely uninteresting to Sehun. Weapons and armor lie scattered about everywhere, and he wonders what Jongin needs with a bow in his room.
That ever present sense of guilt is creeping into his consciousness at this point, and Sehun closes the drawer full of daggers and knives that he's just been snooping through. Nothing in this room is going to tell him who that girl is and what she means to Jongin. He's going to have to wait to hear it from the other boy's own mouth, so he settles down onto the bed to do just that.
Jongin swings off his horse that evening in high spirits, handing off the reins to one of the stable boys before making his way into the castle. He plans to have a bath before taking his dinner, because Soojung had been wearing some kind of new perfume that her sister had made, and the scent of it was clinging to him and his clothes. It would be hard to explain why he smells like a girl if Sehun happened to come across him.
When he reaches his room he's too happy to notice the faint light flickering from under his door, and carelessly swings it open, freezing in place once he sees Sehun sitting on his bed. Why would he be there? Jongin shuts the door, frantically wracking his brain in case there was something that Sehun had wanted him to pick up and he forgot. But there wasn't anything that he had wanted recently, and that makes him even more curious as to why Sehun would be here at this moment.
"Hi..? What are you doing in here?" Jongin questions, hands sliding into the pockets of his pants.
"Waiting for you," Sehun says. He stands, and there's a strange emotion on his face that Jongin can't quite make out. Before he can figure out what it is, however, Sehun is staring intently at his chest with his eyebrows knitting together. And when he speaks, his voice is hard and accusing. "What is that? Who gave that to you?"
Jongin looks down, and curses himself for forgetting to pull out the flower that Soojung had shyly placed in there before he left. "It's nothing, what business is it of yours?" he retorts, walking over to this desk and setting the flower carefully down onto it.
"It's my business because you're my lionheart. I have a right to know everything about you," Sehun responds, nose turned haughtily up in the air. "Which means you have to tell me who that girl is that you're sneaking out of the castle to see."
Jongin freezes at that, heartbeat escalating because how did Sehun find out? But it hits him when he remembers those noises in the forest, where he had been so certain that they hadn't been alone. He knew he should have gone to see what it was, it was so careless of him to let it go and cast it aside as if it were nothing. Sehun must have sent one of the spies after him, and Jongin can't believe he was so stupid.
He realizes though, that it really isn't Sehun's business to know who Soojung is. She's the only person that he has that he gets to choose to be around. It's not like Sehun, where he's bound to follow him around no matter what. Jongin has no family, he doesn't even remember the woman who gave birth to him, having been taken from her before he could even sit up on his own. What right does Sehun have to take this away from him, too?
"I don't have to tell you anything, Sehun. Stop trying to control another aspect of my life!" Jongin shouts, fists clenching in anger. "I've never had any sort of control of my own life! From the day I was taken to this castle I've had everything planned out for me. There's never been anything else I could do, no one else I could have except for you!"
Anger is clouding his mind like a poison, and he can't keep it at bay, can't do anything to stop it. Resentment of his whole life boils in his stomach, and bitterness towards Sehun crawls along his veins and causes him to grab a dagger and hurl it at the opposite wall, where it embeds itself in the mortar between the stones.
Sehun's rigid where he stands, and his face is paler than Jongin has ever seen it. He looks terrified, especially after Jongin hurls another dagger, his breathing harsh and loud in his ears.
"You're so selfish, Sehun! You think that just because you're the prince and I'm your lionheart, you can do whatever you want with me. Well you're wrong! My life is my own, and I'm tired of never getting to make my own choices!" Jongin paces around his room, knocking over books and chairs in his anger. "Do you even realize that I can't live without you? If I were to fail in protecting you and you died, I'd be shamed forever. I'd be forced into ending my own life when yours does! That's how it's always been, and I'm never going to escape that. My life is nothing."
He finally stops his pacing, standing in the middle of his destroyed room and panting heavily. Sehun is still beside his bed, looking shocked at Jongin's outburst and as if guilt is eating him alive. Jongin thinks he might be on the verge of tears too, with the way his eyes are glassy and his lips are trembling. But he doesn't care what Sehun feels, he's too angry and bitter over the fact that his life was trying to be controlled once again. He refuses to let that happen, he wants the freedom to do what he wants. Jongin is tired of his life not being his own. Others have much more control that he will ever have, and the injustice of it all makes him sick with anger.
"Get out," he snarls, walking over to Sehun and grabbing the other's arm in a bruising grip. Jongin ignores the way that Sehun whimpers in his hold, and simply opens the door and shoves him out.
The door slams, and Jongin's feet slide out from under him and he sinks to the floor. The anger is slowly melting away, leaving only a bitter aftertaste on his tongue and the beginnings of guilt brewing in his stomach.
When the morning comes Jongin awakes with a groan. He sits up, rubbing at his temples while a headache pulses under his fingers. The light shining in through the window hurts his eyes, and illuminates the mess from the night before. Everything comes crashing back into his consciousness then, and Jongin falls into his blankets, not wanting to get up and face the consequences of his actions.
A knock on his door rouses him up again, and a frown mars his face as he runs his fingers through his hair, trying to make himself presentable for whoever's on the other side of the door.
It turns out to be one of Sehun's servants, a young girl who looks nervous to be in Jongin's presence, especially surrounded by the evidence of his temper. "Prince Sehun requests your presence at his table, for breakfast," she says, staring at a spot just over Jongin's shoulder. "But, he specifically said that it would be fine if you don't show up."
Jongin purses his lips, mulling over the invitation. Eating a meal with Sehun doesn't sound appealing in the slightest, but ignoring him also makes the guilt churn even more in his stomach. He doesn't know what to do.
"Tell Prince Sehun that I decline his offer," Jongin eventually says, idly waving a hand to dismiss the girl.
She gives a frightened sort of twitch that vaguely resembles a curtsy, and rushes from the room as if it were on fire. Jongin doesn't care, though. A lot of the servants had been wary around him for years, and especially so after the lashing. He was seen as a reckless rule breaker, a dangerous boy who couldn't control his actions and got caught in the midst of them. The tale of the state of his room is going to spread quickly through the castle, and if he's being honest, it does dampen his mood a bit.
It's after he's cleaned his face and threw on some fresh clothes that he decides to join Sehun after all. The guilt of what happened is what makes the decision for him, and he follows his instinct to go see the younger boy.
When he shows up in the dining room, one of Sehun's servants is about to clean the plate away that had been set out for him. The fact that Sehun had one out already for Jongin is oddly touching, with the hope and thought that was put behind it. The gesture nearly makes him feel better, but then Sehun is looking up at him and he remembers last night all over again.
Jongin stiffly takes his seat across from the other boy, and the servant is nervously setting the plate down again before hurriedly leaving the room. Sehun waves away the other servants, and they leave gratefully. It looks like Sehun wants to speak, to say anything at all, but Jongin looks down at his plate stubbornly refuses to meet the other boy's eyes.
Even though he's here, eating a meal with Sehun for the first time in weeks, he doesn't want to talk. The anger is still too fresh, and even though he feels guilty, he's not ready to try and bridge the gap completely yet. It's too soon, Jongin thinks, and he doesn't want Sehun to try and justify his actions. Sehun is the prince, he will never understand how hard Jongin's life has been.
The last thing he wants is some half hearted attempt at an apology, so he opts to eat his meal in silence. Sehun fidgets across from him, clearly uncomfortable with the awkward atmosphere between them. And it's getting to Jongin, too, so he finishes his food as fast as he can and sweeps from the room without saying a single word.
If Jongin is being honest, he hates that they've become this way. Reduced to not speaking and harboring anger between them. But he doesn't know how to fix it, so he doesn't.
The sun is bright in Sehun's eyes, and he raises his hand to shield himself from the rays. It's crowded in the main courtyard; nearly every member of the castle is gathered around to watch the king's departure. The war has been creeping closer and closer to the capital, and Sehun's father had decided it was time to go out and survey the state of the war and troops himself. He’s told Sehun that he thinks it would inspire the troops if they were to see their king out on the battlefield with them, bring new morale and hope to them. That plan doesn’t seem very good in Sehun’s mind, but he kept his mouth shut on his doubts and agreed that his father should go through with it.
Sehun wishes that he wouldn't go, though. There’s a creeping feeling in his chest that something horrible is going to happen. He doesn't want to be left alone. The last thing he wants is a life with no mother, no father, and no Jongin. It would make dealing with everything that much harder. And while he’s never been that close with his father, he’s still going to miss him terribly.
His father steps up to him, hands resting on his shoulders as he graces Sehun with a small smile. "Take care of the kingdom while I'm gone, son. I know that you're capable of doing a good job." He pulls Sehun into an embrace then, warm arms enveloping his body and it's all Sehun can do to hold back his tears as he clings onto his father.
It's over all too soon, and Sehun is being forced to stand back, face as blank as he can make it at the moment. Jongin is standing just to the left and a step behind Sehun, and despite their current problems, the older boy's presence is comforting. Sehun especially needs that small sliver of comfort, because before he knows it, his father is mounting his horse and giving one final wave to the courtyard.
The noise of the crowd is deafening, but he pushes it to the back of his head where it’s reduced to background static. And then, without a look in Sehun's direction, the king rides out, standards blazing in the wind and leaving only the echo of clattering hooves and loud cheering in his head.
Jongin's hand finds his own, giving it a brief squeeze before letting go. Sehun doesn't turn to see the expression on Jongin's face, instead choosing to appreciate the small gesture of caring. It's been weeks since they've spoken, or touched, so this means more to Sehun than it normally would have. His need for the comforting presence of Jongin has gotten unbearable, especially now with the departure of his father. Longing looks from castle windows to the training grounds aren't enough, and the feelings of guilt and despair only add on to his need.
But he hopes that maybe, despite the direness of the situation, this is what they need to bridge the gap between them.
part iv