Sunsets and Silhouette Dreams
Title: Sunsets and Silhouette Dreams
Author: shohai_mizuki
Pairing: Junseung (Junhyung/ Hyunseung)
Rating: R
Summary: I'll be here by the ocean just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dream.
Author's Notes: I love Mayday Parade and their songs. This fic is inspired by "You be the Anchor that Keeps My Feet on the Ground, I'll be the Wings that Keep Your Heart in the Clouds". Anyway, you guys know the drill. Comments, criticisms and suggestions are always welcome! :)
---
And honestly I've been begging for answers
That you and only you can give to me
A voice crying loud, I've been crying for days now
And as I start to run, I stop to breathe
He walks along the rocky path to the beach. Memories flash before him and he struggles to stop the tears from falling. He stumbles on his steps but continues on. He tries not to think of your smile, your laughter. Despite his efforts, you are a force he cannot fight against. He longs to look deep into your eyes once more. He can vividly remember how they looked, how dull they once were at first but there was a little spark that only he could see.
So many questions fill his mind. No matter how much others would comfort him, they cannot answer what only you can. He feels as if he knows what the answers are yet he needs to hear it from you. He needs to hear it straight from your lips, needs to hear your voice, because your voice from his memory seems unreal to him like a distant sound.
"W-Why?"
He manages to whisper as his throat aches. In the past days that you've been gone, he has cried his heart out in the confinements and privacy of his own room. The same room where he would sneak you in almost every night just so he is rest assured that you're safe and calm. He has poured his heart out at the same bed where the two of you lay down to sleep. The pillow you used back then is still soaked in tears.
But now, he stops himself from crying, believing that he had no more tears to offer to you. You who has been nothing but his warm sunlight. Even at the times when you doubted, he stayed steadfast at your side because to him you are everything he could have asked for.
Cause I was nearly scared to death
Of what you left in paragraphs
Words were nearly over us
You stop and turn and grab your bags
As rocks turns to sand, he walks more slowly. His last image of you haunts him to the very core until now. It's like a monster creeping at every inch of his being, drawing closer and closer to insanity to the point of suicide. He still cannot go to the last place you've met but he is about to go to the last place he held you tightly in his arms. He stops form walking, a little close to the point where the waters end. Before he can control himself, his knees drop on to the sandy ground.
From the pocket of his jeans, he takes a piece of paper. Your handwriting is seen and the words that you left sweep over him. This is not a note of goodbye. It is one of your notes to him expressing your thoughts and your love for him. He recalls your relationship, how both of you did not need so many words, only the comfort of each other's presence. But that time there was so much that you were speaking. So much that he knew something was wrong. As he kneels in front of the waves of water, he wishes he knew exactly what was wrong then. Maybe things could have been different. The wind whispers to him, he can hear your voice carried in it, your words ringing in his ears.
"I want to go to places...They say it's beautiful..."
"Thank you for making me happy even just for awhile...I felt like flying..."
"I love you...I'm sorry..."
I'll be here by the ocean just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams
All my sandcastles fall like the ashes of cigarettes
And every wave drags me to sea
I could stand here for hours just to ask God the question, "Is everyone here make believe?"
With a tear in His voice, He says, "Son that's the question."
Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?
He looks up just in time to see the blue sky painted red and orange, flashes of pinkish hue spreads out. The sun is halfway down and the scenery is simply breathtaking. But his heart clenches from the memory of you who ran around this place, laughing heartily. And when the sun was setting like this back then, he recalls how you felt snuggling up to him. He thinks about the plans you've both made with each other. And all of that shatters before him.
He fists the sand underneath his palms and in an attempt to take his mind away from the pain, piles them up to a disfigured tower. It collapses not soon after, the particles of sand spreading out in the air. Some of it pricks his eyes, making it water. He remembers the numerous times he has to blow yours because you were too enthusiastic playing there. Images of you running around , laughing, playing with the sand and the water, keep flashing through his head.
Suddenly you're in front of him as he open his eyes. You're there, smiling at him like you always did. With eyes shining, a hint of deep wisdom only some could wish to achieve, you look straight into him. You see him as he is and he feels bare naked under your stare. It's not new to him because you've always seen him that way, your eyes looked that way. He can't believe his eyes. It's only in his dreams that you are there with him, with that smile he misses the most. He reaches out and you vanish. His hands stops mid-air, inches away form where you face was seconds ago. You're like a silhouette dream to him now.
As hours move to minutes
And minutes take longer to break
I will be desperately awaiting when my tongue will fall apart
And we've been sitting here for hours all alone and in the dark
He lets his hand fall down to his side. Of course, you're not really there. You have long gone and left him. He fists his hair and curls into himself, screaming. And again, the pain overcomes him. The image of you, his memories of you, he wants to break from them. Yet he can't because they keep him sane from the insanity of it all. They keep him grounded.
He stares at the sea, its color turning darker by the minute. The reflection on the water begins to blur as the waves slowly become bigger. Once more, he is lost within his thoughts. The calmness of everything around him makes him realize how disrupted and chaotic he is inside. Days have gone by since you've left. The hours pass him by and the number of minutes become larger, longer, and harder to break. How much more can he take? It's only you who can make the usual strong him be this weak, even when you're not around.
Everything around him becomes hazy as he loses focus of reality. You're sitting beside him again, not a care in the world. He looks at you, stares into your eyes and you simply stare and smile back at him. He is itching to speak, to ask, to say anything but he doesn't. Maybe he is waiting for that right moment. The sky is dark now but the moon provides enough light for him to see you, to make out your face he knows all too well.
His jaw tightens as he clenches his fist. He doesn't want you to disappear again so he stops himself from holding your hand that's inches away from his. Instead he says,
"Remember the first time we met?"
So let me think of how to word it
Is it too soon to say perfect
If I could find another thirty minutes somewhere
I'm sure everything will find me, all that's left is just to sing
"I think it's better to remember when we met again."
You say as your smile becomes warmer. He looks surprised but you just continued talking.
"It was a rainy day on this very beach. But we weren't here. We were at the cliff. I was gazing peacefully at the beauty in front of me. I got out of my seat and walked closer to the edge, merely curious. But you came barging in from the trees behind me and spoke in a condescending, very much nagging tone, 'If you want to die so badly, go ahead, but you'll be an idiot to do that.' I turned around, surprised at your sudden appearance and your words. I raised an eyebrow at you and said, 'Aren't you privy, Mr. Stranger?' Somehow, we ended up sitting down and talking, you on the ground while I on my wheelchair. It's a precious memory, is it not?"
Finding his voice, he utters, "It is. I wouldn't exchange it for the world."
"Me too. Thank you. Thank you so much. You're the best thing that's happened to me. I'm glad you found me."
"I would have wanted to find you at another place, at another time." He looks at you meaningfully. But you shake your head and smile sadly at him. He sighs and looks more deeply into your eyes with a smile matching yours.
"Yet it was perfect. No matter where we were, I'm sure, it would still have been the same."
I'll be here by the ocean just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams
All my sandcastles fall like the ashes of cigarettes
And every wave drags me to sea
I could stand here for hours just to ask God the question, "Is everyone here make believe?"
With a tear in His voice, He says, "Son that's the question."
Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?
"Yes. Yes, it would have."
You reach out and touch the side of his face. He is surprised at the contact, surprised that you have yet to disappear. He leans onto your palm and you run your thumb along his cheek. A tear escapes his eyes and lands on the ground, past your hand.
He looks devastatingly at the ground, the spot where his tear fell, and then looks at you. He becomes frantic, and tries to take hold of your hand but it vanishes. And slowly, your body is as well. He reaches out to you but he couldn't hold you. You remain smiling sadly at him.
"Hey, I'm sorry."
"Don't. Don't." He looks imploringly at you.
"Thank you."
"No. Please don't." He chokes as you completely vanish. He feels so frustrated. Why can't you ever stay with him? You're always gone in an instant. He shouts, "Am I just dreaming?!"
No one's there to answer. Everything around him just seem to say, "Are you?"
And you'll sing to me sweet until then
I may never sail Virginia again
And as these currents move slow for me
This much you must know we'll meet again
And El, I'll have you know I'm scared to death
He tries to calm himself down. But telling himself to do that doesn't work. Only you could do that. You would shakily get up from your wheelchair and hold onto him, rub his back soothingly and sing to him softly. Where are you now?
He thinks too hard of your voice, your singing. It's the most beautiful sound he's ever heard, just like how to him, you are the most beautiful person he's ever seen. He finally gets up from the sandy beach, long after the sky has gone dark and the moon already past its peak. He staggers in his walk, blood suddenly rushing through his legs. He makes his way among rocks and grass. the trees becoming thicker as he goes on.
As he walks, your voice never stops singing to him. It's late now but he promises to himself, to you, that he's never leaving this place, you and his place. And actually, ever since you two met again, he never has. He chuckles at the thought. Because even if it was the second time you've met, you didn't know him. Of course, your first meeting consisted of only seeing each other briefly, no words. A quick up and down then on your separate was. You could still use your legs to the fullest back then and you shined so brightly even if your light is small and shy.
He finally emerges into the cliff, the most memorable place for both of you. The second and last time you've met. But then he begs to differ because he believes he'll meet you again. He believes he'll be able to hold you again, hear your voice again, just be with you again. He watches the waves slowly back and forth. And a sense of fear grips his heart.
Tell me once again that you'll love me 'til the death
And should I die you swear that you would come for me
As I fade away, you reach out your arms
And please don't let me go
And please don't let me go
The cold air bites at his skin and its then that he notices he's been shivering. He rubs his hands together and breathes out warm air onto them. An image of you and him sitting side-by-side appear before him. That time, nothing could have come between the two of you. And he still believes nothing could and nothing will.
He stands at the spot where he was before you left. It's the same spot where you told him you'll love him even after death. And he told you likewise. That's when you first kissed. It was breathtaking. It felt so surreal.
"What if I die?"
"I would always love you." He answered back then. "And what if I die?"
"I would come after you. We'd be together. We'll love forever."
Your words replay in his mind. He silently asks where you are now. Now that he's on the edge of the cliff. The same cliff you jumped from, telling him you wanted to know the feeling of flying, telling him you love him and you're thankful. But most of all that you're sorry.
He steps off the cliff, facing the sky. And he's falling. And it's true, it feels like flying. In a haze, he sees you holding your arms out to him. He reaches out to you as well.
I'll be here by the ocean just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams
All my sandcastles fall like the ashes of cigarettes
And every wave drags me to sea
I could stand here for hours just to ask God the question, "Is everyone here make believe?"
With a tear in His voice, He says, "Son that's the question."
Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?
He smiles as your hands touch his. His smile widens as you go into his arms and he wraps them around you. He smiles as the dark sky lightens and the air breezes by them.
"You came."
"Of course I did. I promised, didn't I?"
And then, he feels his whole body hit the ground. There's no pain but his consciousness is leaving him. Darkness covers his vision. He tries to move, tries to feel you. But you're not there and what he feels is the incredible amount of pain. He feels an overwhelming despair. Nothing greets him but silence. He doesn't like it. Not one bit.
He tries to call out but he can't. His senses are leaving him. He blinks a few times but all he sees is a blur with dark spots. He wants to cry out but only tears escape him. You told him you wouldn't leave him so where are you now?
And then, as the sun brightens the sky, a sudden light attacks his vision. You're there. You're there looking at him worriedly. You're beautiful as always. He finally smiles again, feeling clam and he closes his eyes, smile still present. Calmness washes over him and all he can think of is your name, Hyunseung.
---
Note: Sorry for grammar mistakes. I was typing this extremely fast. Haha! Anyway, hope you enjoyed it. There's a sequel so don't worry. Any lucky guess how the sequel goes? :)
Author: shohai_mizuki
Pairing: Junseung (Junhyung/ Hyunseung)
Rating: R
Summary: I'll be here by the ocean just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dream.
Author's Notes: I love Mayday Parade and their songs. This fic is inspired by "You be the Anchor that Keeps My Feet on the Ground, I'll be the Wings that Keep Your Heart in the Clouds". Anyway, you guys know the drill. Comments, criticisms and suggestions are always welcome! :)
---
And honestly I've been begging for answers
That you and only you can give to me
A voice crying loud, I've been crying for days now
And as I start to run, I stop to breathe
He walks along the rocky path to the beach. Memories flash before him and he struggles to stop the tears from falling. He stumbles on his steps but continues on. He tries not to think of your smile, your laughter. Despite his efforts, you are a force he cannot fight against. He longs to look deep into your eyes once more. He can vividly remember how they looked, how dull they once were at first but there was a little spark that only he could see.
So many questions fill his mind. No matter how much others would comfort him, they cannot answer what only you can. He feels as if he knows what the answers are yet he needs to hear it from you. He needs to hear it straight from your lips, needs to hear your voice, because your voice from his memory seems unreal to him like a distant sound.
"W-Why?"
He manages to whisper as his throat aches. In the past days that you've been gone, he has cried his heart out in the confinements and privacy of his own room. The same room where he would sneak you in almost every night just so he is rest assured that you're safe and calm. He has poured his heart out at the same bed where the two of you lay down to sleep. The pillow you used back then is still soaked in tears.
But now, he stops himself from crying, believing that he had no more tears to offer to you. You who has been nothing but his warm sunlight. Even at the times when you doubted, he stayed steadfast at your side because to him you are everything he could have asked for.
Cause I was nearly scared to death
Of what you left in paragraphs
Words were nearly over us
You stop and turn and grab your bags
As rocks turns to sand, he walks more slowly. His last image of you haunts him to the very core until now. It's like a monster creeping at every inch of his being, drawing closer and closer to insanity to the point of suicide. He still cannot go to the last place you've met but he is about to go to the last place he held you tightly in his arms. He stops form walking, a little close to the point where the waters end. Before he can control himself, his knees drop on to the sandy ground.
From the pocket of his jeans, he takes a piece of paper. Your handwriting is seen and the words that you left sweep over him. This is not a note of goodbye. It is one of your notes to him expressing your thoughts and your love for him. He recalls your relationship, how both of you did not need so many words, only the comfort of each other's presence. But that time there was so much that you were speaking. So much that he knew something was wrong. As he kneels in front of the waves of water, he wishes he knew exactly what was wrong then. Maybe things could have been different. The wind whispers to him, he can hear your voice carried in it, your words ringing in his ears.
"I want to go to places...They say it's beautiful..."
"Thank you for making me happy even just for awhile...I felt like flying..."
"I love you...I'm sorry..."
I'll be here by the ocean just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams
All my sandcastles fall like the ashes of cigarettes
And every wave drags me to sea
I could stand here for hours just to ask God the question, "Is everyone here make believe?"
With a tear in His voice, He says, "Son that's the question."
Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?
He looks up just in time to see the blue sky painted red and orange, flashes of pinkish hue spreads out. The sun is halfway down and the scenery is simply breathtaking. But his heart clenches from the memory of you who ran around this place, laughing heartily. And when the sun was setting like this back then, he recalls how you felt snuggling up to him. He thinks about the plans you've both made with each other. And all of that shatters before him.
He fists the sand underneath his palms and in an attempt to take his mind away from the pain, piles them up to a disfigured tower. It collapses not soon after, the particles of sand spreading out in the air. Some of it pricks his eyes, making it water. He remembers the numerous times he has to blow yours because you were too enthusiastic playing there. Images of you running around , laughing, playing with the sand and the water, keep flashing through his head.
Suddenly you're in front of him as he open his eyes. You're there, smiling at him like you always did. With eyes shining, a hint of deep wisdom only some could wish to achieve, you look straight into him. You see him as he is and he feels bare naked under your stare. It's not new to him because you've always seen him that way, your eyes looked that way. He can't believe his eyes. It's only in his dreams that you are there with him, with that smile he misses the most. He reaches out and you vanish. His hands stops mid-air, inches away form where you face was seconds ago. You're like a silhouette dream to him now.
As hours move to minutes
And minutes take longer to break
I will be desperately awaiting when my tongue will fall apart
And we've been sitting here for hours all alone and in the dark
He lets his hand fall down to his side. Of course, you're not really there. You have long gone and left him. He fists his hair and curls into himself, screaming. And again, the pain overcomes him. The image of you, his memories of you, he wants to break from them. Yet he can't because they keep him sane from the insanity of it all. They keep him grounded.
He stares at the sea, its color turning darker by the minute. The reflection on the water begins to blur as the waves slowly become bigger. Once more, he is lost within his thoughts. The calmness of everything around him makes him realize how disrupted and chaotic he is inside. Days have gone by since you've left. The hours pass him by and the number of minutes become larger, longer, and harder to break. How much more can he take? It's only you who can make the usual strong him be this weak, even when you're not around.
Everything around him becomes hazy as he loses focus of reality. You're sitting beside him again, not a care in the world. He looks at you, stares into your eyes and you simply stare and smile back at him. He is itching to speak, to ask, to say anything but he doesn't. Maybe he is waiting for that right moment. The sky is dark now but the moon provides enough light for him to see you, to make out your face he knows all too well.
His jaw tightens as he clenches his fist. He doesn't want you to disappear again so he stops himself from holding your hand that's inches away from his. Instead he says,
"Remember the first time we met?"
So let me think of how to word it
Is it too soon to say perfect
If I could find another thirty minutes somewhere
I'm sure everything will find me, all that's left is just to sing
"I think it's better to remember when we met again."
You say as your smile becomes warmer. He looks surprised but you just continued talking.
"It was a rainy day on this very beach. But we weren't here. We were at the cliff. I was gazing peacefully at the beauty in front of me. I got out of my seat and walked closer to the edge, merely curious. But you came barging in from the trees behind me and spoke in a condescending, very much nagging tone, 'If you want to die so badly, go ahead, but you'll be an idiot to do that.' I turned around, surprised at your sudden appearance and your words. I raised an eyebrow at you and said, 'Aren't you privy, Mr. Stranger?' Somehow, we ended up sitting down and talking, you on the ground while I on my wheelchair. It's a precious memory, is it not?"
Finding his voice, he utters, "It is. I wouldn't exchange it for the world."
"Me too. Thank you. Thank you so much. You're the best thing that's happened to me. I'm glad you found me."
"I would have wanted to find you at another place, at another time." He looks at you meaningfully. But you shake your head and smile sadly at him. He sighs and looks more deeply into your eyes with a smile matching yours.
"Yet it was perfect. No matter where we were, I'm sure, it would still have been the same."
I'll be here by the ocean just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams
All my sandcastles fall like the ashes of cigarettes
And every wave drags me to sea
I could stand here for hours just to ask God the question, "Is everyone here make believe?"
With a tear in His voice, He says, "Son that's the question."
Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?
"Yes. Yes, it would have."
You reach out and touch the side of his face. He is surprised at the contact, surprised that you have yet to disappear. He leans onto your palm and you run your thumb along his cheek. A tear escapes his eyes and lands on the ground, past your hand.
He looks devastatingly at the ground, the spot where his tear fell, and then looks at you. He becomes frantic, and tries to take hold of your hand but it vanishes. And slowly, your body is as well. He reaches out to you but he couldn't hold you. You remain smiling sadly at him.
"Hey, I'm sorry."
"Don't. Don't." He looks imploringly at you.
"Thank you."
"No. Please don't." He chokes as you completely vanish. He feels so frustrated. Why can't you ever stay with him? You're always gone in an instant. He shouts, "Am I just dreaming?!"
No one's there to answer. Everything around him just seem to say, "Are you?"
And you'll sing to me sweet until then
I may never sail Virginia again
And as these currents move slow for me
This much you must know we'll meet again
And El, I'll have you know I'm scared to death
He tries to calm himself down. But telling himself to do that doesn't work. Only you could do that. You would shakily get up from your wheelchair and hold onto him, rub his back soothingly and sing to him softly. Where are you now?
He thinks too hard of your voice, your singing. It's the most beautiful sound he's ever heard, just like how to him, you are the most beautiful person he's ever seen. He finally gets up from the sandy beach, long after the sky has gone dark and the moon already past its peak. He staggers in his walk, blood suddenly rushing through his legs. He makes his way among rocks and grass. the trees becoming thicker as he goes on.
As he walks, your voice never stops singing to him. It's late now but he promises to himself, to you, that he's never leaving this place, you and his place. And actually, ever since you two met again, he never has. He chuckles at the thought. Because even if it was the second time you've met, you didn't know him. Of course, your first meeting consisted of only seeing each other briefly, no words. A quick up and down then on your separate was. You could still use your legs to the fullest back then and you shined so brightly even if your light is small and shy.
He finally emerges into the cliff, the most memorable place for both of you. The second and last time you've met. But then he begs to differ because he believes he'll meet you again. He believes he'll be able to hold you again, hear your voice again, just be with you again. He watches the waves slowly back and forth. And a sense of fear grips his heart.
Tell me once again that you'll love me 'til the death
And should I die you swear that you would come for me
As I fade away, you reach out your arms
And please don't let me go
And please don't let me go
The cold air bites at his skin and its then that he notices he's been shivering. He rubs his hands together and breathes out warm air onto them. An image of you and him sitting side-by-side appear before him. That time, nothing could have come between the two of you. And he still believes nothing could and nothing will.
He stands at the spot where he was before you left. It's the same spot where you told him you'll love him even after death. And he told you likewise. That's when you first kissed. It was breathtaking. It felt so surreal.
"What if I die?"
"I would always love you." He answered back then. "And what if I die?"
"I would come after you. We'd be together. We'll love forever."
Your words replay in his mind. He silently asks where you are now. Now that he's on the edge of the cliff. The same cliff you jumped from, telling him you wanted to know the feeling of flying, telling him you love him and you're thankful. But most of all that you're sorry.
He steps off the cliff, facing the sky. And he's falling. And it's true, it feels like flying. In a haze, he sees you holding your arms out to him. He reaches out to you as well.
I'll be here by the ocean just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams
All my sandcastles fall like the ashes of cigarettes
And every wave drags me to sea
I could stand here for hours just to ask God the question, "Is everyone here make believe?"
With a tear in His voice, He says, "Son that's the question."
Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?
He smiles as your hands touch his. His smile widens as you go into his arms and he wraps them around you. He smiles as the dark sky lightens and the air breezes by them.
"You came."
"Of course I did. I promised, didn't I?"
And then, he feels his whole body hit the ground. There's no pain but his consciousness is leaving him. Darkness covers his vision. He tries to move, tries to feel you. But you're not there and what he feels is the incredible amount of pain. He feels an overwhelming despair. Nothing greets him but silence. He doesn't like it. Not one bit.
He tries to call out but he can't. His senses are leaving him. He blinks a few times but all he sees is a blur with dark spots. He wants to cry out but only tears escape him. You told him you wouldn't leave him so where are you now?
And then, as the sun brightens the sky, a sudden light attacks his vision. You're there. You're there looking at him worriedly. You're beautiful as always. He finally smiles again, feeling clam and he closes his eyes, smile still present. Calmness washes over him and all he can think of is your name, Hyunseung.
---
Note: Sorry for grammar mistakes. I was typing this extremely fast. Haha! Anyway, hope you enjoyed it. There's a sequel so don't worry. Any lucky guess how the sequel goes? :)