(no subject)
I had a great adventure. I went on a journey into the woods, as my forefathers before me. Thoreau with walden, GG Allin with beating up some woman and going to jail... It was life altering.
This is my story
I had canoed in my homemade boat made from the scraps of my wrecked ford focus, and some bubble gum wrappers. Eventually, as it would not hold up well, I was marooned in this spot. I needed to find quick shelter as night was falling fast.
I walked around the bend in the water to find only more water, and more nothingness ahead. I knew this was going to be up to my instincts and rememberance of Gary Paulsen's "The Hatchet" and it's two shitty sequels. Thankfully it was not winter, because I did not read "Brian's Winter". I DID however read "The River" and this would apply here. Thanks Gary P.
I felt a fire in my belly... or lower parts. I had to find a latrine of some sort. I figured these here trees would double as a nice toilet seat. There is a minnow in there that you cannot see. But I bet he left and was like this stinks dude...
I don't think I ever felt a pain during backdoor child birth such as this. It was ridiculous. Then I took a look... How the HELL did that happen?
I got lucky. I pulled a Johnny Depp a la Pirates style and found a cache of hidden pirate rum. These were seriously just laying there both full. Horay for me. At least I could party at nightfall.
I tried building myself a house. My father was a carpentar and I decided to use what he had taught me. Unfortunately I was either stoned when he did teach me, or I had forgotten it all. At this point I was wishing there was SOME means of transportation ANYWHERE. But I just could not see any anywhere...
I lucked out once again. I fought a beaver to the death, and I won myself this prized beaver hole. Check that out. It was comfy as all hell.
But just when I thought all was good... Out of nowhere I see this
"Agggghhh!!" I said. or something to the effect. Apparently I angered the fierce coyote as seen here.
He charged. I bobbed. He weaved. Eventually he ran by me and I booted him in the nuts and he ran away. Then I walked out of the woods and was home. What a day!