Don't mind me. Just venting.
So long story short, Tamaki asks me to go with him to Australia. At first, I agreed because it seemed like a good idea but after talking to my mom, I find it isn't. It's true. We can't afford it, I honestly want to stay home and keep my grampa company and the school he's taking as an excuse seems... meh at best.
What I figure is he's just going there to meet this girl he's supposedly falling for. That's what he sounds more excited for. The workshop seems like a tacked on excuse just so he can go to Melbourne and meet her. And why a community college in Melbourne?! If I'm studying abroad, I'd rather go to California, thanks. :/ I don't even think it was a community college. More like an adult education center.
ANYWAY.
I tell him what mom said, the whole "after careful deliberation, we decided no." and he FLIPS SHIT. He's all "Do you even know how important this is to me? No." and goes on and on about how I led him on to believe I wanted to go, blah blah blah. I just wish I had enough guts to say all this:
Listen to yourself. You want me to uproot myself and leave my grandfather and my mother alone here? I'm not letting fear rule me. I'm letting good judgment rule me. I'd rather be able to be 100% excited over something with a LEGIT reason to be because honestly, it's not very appealing. I'm going to leave the house for a second rate education just so you can fool around with some chick who doesn't even want to commit and isn't even talking to you right now because you think it'll all work out once you fly out there? Chances are she doesn't want to meet you and surprise surprise, she's not even that into you. Because really. You say she's tired all the time and doesn't come online that often to talk? That's kind of a sign that she's not that into you.
But what do I know? I don't know her as intimately as you do.
Secondly, after my grandma died, I found I didn't want to leave my grandfather alone anymore. It's not because I think he's feeble and can't take care of himself. It's because I'll miss him too much. Because he's old. Because moments like this are fleeting and someday, he's gonna die too and then I'll wish I spent more time with him like how I belatedly wished I spent more time with grandma instead of all the time I spent with you. So you don't know how important THIS is for me.
Unfortunately, I have no spine so all I did was log off.
But really, I just realized, it's the little things. Reading the paper while having breakfast, telling grampa his cat came home, making lunch while he's washing rice... it's those little things I want now more than anything.
Australia's always gonna be there for me to go to but the time I have with grampa is fleeting right now. I'm not gonna waste a moment.
Click to viewFits him and me pretty well, if you ask me. He'd always say he wanted to improve me but deep down inside, I always thought he was the one who needed help.