George Lucas is the anti-christ
I just sat through a 2 hour live action Looney Tunes cartoon... and I am sooooooo not happy about it. Therefore, I present to you my response to the massive douche-nozzle responsible for this affront to my cinematic sensibilities.
Dear George Lucas,
Fuck you, you giant piece of shit. You got me twice now you rotten bastard... first it was "Star Wars - The Phantom Menace" where you took my first childhood cinematic experience and urinated all over the memory of it and now you took probably the coolest hero from my childhood, Indiana Jones, and made him into a caricature of himself once again defecating on precious childhood fantasies. "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" was absolutely horrendous and I blame you for it. I don't know what happened to you after 1981 but you lost your ability to tell a decent story... in 1983 you subjected us to "Return of the Jedi" and from there each consecutive story you told became more and more lifeless; more about gratifying your own ego and stroking it to the latest and greatest CGI than about anything else.
Even the fact I saw it at a Drive-In couldn't save it. Believe you me, if seeing an Indiana Jones movie at a drive-in made me feel as though a part of my childhood just died than those poor fuckers seeing it in a movie theater will be even more angry at you.
I can only hope that one day a rabid pack of Ewoks holds you down and ass rapes you until you die.
Sincerely,
Every child of the late 70s/early 80s.