OOC/IC issues essay
So uh. Haru-mun's entry about her own issues kind of pinged me really hard about some of my own issues, and I felt like writing up my own essay-thing about said issues, both OOC and IC. SO HERE:
First of all, I'm a terribly paranoid person when it comes to friendships, etc. I'm always convinced that people are only pretending to like me, and I've pretty much been like this for the bigger part of my life, for reasons that I'm not entirely comfortable talking about, and it's a sucky fact I've gotta deal with. With a group as big as CFUD, my issues only get worse. There are a few people (who should know who they are, I would hope) that I do honestly feel at ease talking with OOCly, but pretty much all of the "big name players" intimidate the hell out of me. WHICH IS LAME, BECAUSE I KNOW YOU GUYS AREN'T REALLY THAT SCARY, BUT... I suck :<
I usually handle the OOC issues pretty well (and by "handle" i actually mean "repress until they pop up viciously and leave me in tears every month or so"), but sometimes it affects my IC interactions as well, so... :\
Whiiich brings me to my IC issues:
I think I've made it pretty clear that I've not had an easy time playing Io pretty much since I got her in. Since she was my first character, and since the few relationships she does have are REALLY important to me (particularly her relationships with Pell and Nanba), and the fact that I do really love her character, I really don't want to drop her, but she's constantly on the backburner with me. It took me about... 5 months? I think? to even break 1,000 comments with her (which I did with JJ after only.... 6 weeks? One and a half of which were during a hiatus for Otakon). So I feel really insecure when I look at that number in comparison to other players, who break 1,000 in their characters first WEEKS.
I also feel like I don't really have her voice down very well. People keep assuring me I do, but I spend so long rereading comments before I post, that threading with just about anyone takes FOREVER. I second guess myself all the time, and feel really uncomfortable making up things that canon doesn't provide me with the information for.
And I feel like I have... not a lot to do with her in camp. I only ever play her off the same characters because I fail at throwing her out into random situations, I have zero post ideas for her... I'm not really comfortable jumping people in other people's posts at all, but especially not with Io. And I don't really know why, though I think part of it may have to do with the fact that I've never kept track of who she knows and who she doesn't know. Hence why I've been anal-retentive about my list of people JJ's met ICly. I do need to go through all of her threads and posts one of these days and figure a list like that out to see if it helps, but that's months and months of stuff to sort through :\
Additionally, I don't ever throw her at the rest of the HanaKimi cast enough. Particularly Umeda, as a big part of Io's character is terrorizing her brother, but uh, that thing about being OOCly intimidated by other players? That's a huuuuge part of that right there. :\
So I feel like I've been clinging to Io, struggling to keep from dropping her for... about two months, now. I really really really don't want to drop her, but every now and then (see again: those times when the repressing my issues catches up to me) I feel like I should. :\ Even thinking about dropping her makes me really upset, though, so I don't really know what to do.
Moving on, JJ has relatively few issues, especially in comparison to Io. Except that I feel... almost like I play him TOO Dee-centric, sometimes? Which is kind of dumb, because with only one exception, EVERY canon appearance of his has something to do with Dee, in one way or another, but in camp I feel like it makes him a little redundant. I also feel like I almost play him TOO cracky, sometimes. He's a much easier character to do crazy fun stuff with than Io, so I feel like I might overdo it sometimes? I really ought to put a crit post up in his journal for this, but I haven't gotten around to it yet.
Also, and this is less of an issue but, I can't really decide how I want to have him deal with the pretty regular "...Dee? But isn't he already dating Ryo? :\" that he's gotten from half of camp when he brings it up. In canon, it takes him yeeeears to get the hint that Dee's really serious about Ryo, and move on. I know it's going to take less time than that in camp, but... Augh. Especially without having a Drake, or someone else that he's really close with to move on to, I'm not sure what to do with him in this regard. This a whole other essay in and of itself, but... It's one of those things thats always nagging at me in the back of my head, so I figured I'd mention it.
SO YEAH. I CAN HAS ISSUES. :\ I feel a bit better, though, having typed this up.
First of all, I'm a terribly paranoid person when it comes to friendships, etc. I'm always convinced that people are only pretending to like me, and I've pretty much been like this for the bigger part of my life, for reasons that I'm not entirely comfortable talking about, and it's a sucky fact I've gotta deal with. With a group as big as CFUD, my issues only get worse. There are a few people (who should know who they are, I would hope) that I do honestly feel at ease talking with OOCly, but pretty much all of the "big name players" intimidate the hell out of me. WHICH IS LAME, BECAUSE I KNOW YOU GUYS AREN'T REALLY THAT SCARY, BUT... I suck :<
I usually handle the OOC issues pretty well (and by "handle" i actually mean "repress until they pop up viciously and leave me in tears every month or so"), but sometimes it affects my IC interactions as well, so... :\
Whiiich brings me to my IC issues:
I think I've made it pretty clear that I've not had an easy time playing Io pretty much since I got her in. Since she was my first character, and since the few relationships she does have are REALLY important to me (particularly her relationships with Pell and Nanba), and the fact that I do really love her character, I really don't want to drop her, but she's constantly on the backburner with me. It took me about... 5 months? I think? to even break 1,000 comments with her (which I did with JJ after only.... 6 weeks? One and a half of which were during a hiatus for Otakon). So I feel really insecure when I look at that number in comparison to other players, who break 1,000 in their characters first WEEKS.
I also feel like I don't really have her voice down very well. People keep assuring me I do, but I spend so long rereading comments before I post, that threading with just about anyone takes FOREVER. I second guess myself all the time, and feel really uncomfortable making up things that canon doesn't provide me with the information for.
And I feel like I have... not a lot to do with her in camp. I only ever play her off the same characters because I fail at throwing her out into random situations, I have zero post ideas for her... I'm not really comfortable jumping people in other people's posts at all, but especially not with Io. And I don't really know why, though I think part of it may have to do with the fact that I've never kept track of who she knows and who she doesn't know. Hence why I've been anal-retentive about my list of people JJ's met ICly. I do need to go through all of her threads and posts one of these days and figure a list like that out to see if it helps, but that's months and months of stuff to sort through :\
Additionally, I don't ever throw her at the rest of the HanaKimi cast enough. Particularly Umeda, as a big part of Io's character is terrorizing her brother, but uh, that thing about being OOCly intimidated by other players? That's a huuuuge part of that right there. :\
So I feel like I've been clinging to Io, struggling to keep from dropping her for... about two months, now. I really really really don't want to drop her, but every now and then (see again: those times when the repressing my issues catches up to me) I feel like I should. :\ Even thinking about dropping her makes me really upset, though, so I don't really know what to do.
Moving on, JJ has relatively few issues, especially in comparison to Io. Except that I feel... almost like I play him TOO Dee-centric, sometimes? Which is kind of dumb, because with only one exception, EVERY canon appearance of his has something to do with Dee, in one way or another, but in camp I feel like it makes him a little redundant. I also feel like I almost play him TOO cracky, sometimes. He's a much easier character to do crazy fun stuff with than Io, so I feel like I might overdo it sometimes? I really ought to put a crit post up in his journal for this, but I haven't gotten around to it yet.
Also, and this is less of an issue but, I can't really decide how I want to have him deal with the pretty regular "...Dee? But isn't he already dating Ryo? :\" that he's gotten from half of camp when he brings it up. In canon, it takes him yeeeears to get the hint that Dee's really serious about Ryo, and move on. I know it's going to take less time than that in camp, but... Augh. Especially without having a Drake, or someone else that he's really close with to move on to, I'm not sure what to do with him in this regard. This a whole other essay in and of itself, but... It's one of those things thats always nagging at me in the back of my head, so I figured I'd mention it.
SO YEAH. I CAN HAS ISSUES. :\ I feel a bit better, though, having typed this up.