(no subject)
Visions of Bodie and Doyle:
variations on the theme of unrequited love.
"Why did you go with him?"
For a minute he didn't say anything. Then, so low I almost missed it....
"He made me feel special. Like I was the most beautiful person in the world. He
touched me as if I was made of something precious and he looked at me as if he had
never seen anything like me in all the world.....I used to laugh at those romantic
films when the women in them acted like I'm acting now. I used to think nobody could
be that stupid. I always used to sit there thinking `Get over it'. I don't think
I'll laugh at them anymore. Anyway, after about five weeks, he started to act as if
having me around all the time was a drag on him. Finally, I asked him if he was tired
of me and he said no. But then he said he was leaving and he wouldn't be able to see
me anymore.... He told me he was leaving at the end of the week. When I went back
the next day he was gone." The Protector:Diva
"Suppose you fall in love one day?" Patricia had asked him. He had been so sure of
the answer. He had thought it impossible. And here he was, already in love. He should
have said, "It has happened already. I love a man I am already tied to with more ties
than marriage, to whom I owe more than I could owe any woman."
He should have said, "Your question is too late."
He should have said, "My heart was damaged, so I never saw what was happening to it.
I forgot what love can be...."
"Have you gone off me?"
She asked it so matter-of-factly...."Jennifer -- don't think that. It isn't you."
"Is there someone else, then?"
He shook his head, but she didn't believe the denial. He didn't know how to explain.
Midnight Clear: Amy M.Morgan
"I love you," he said, very quietly.
He knew - oh he knew so well it was the wrong time, the bittersweetness of that
singing defeat through his blood, but he had to say it.....
"Don't give me that, Bodie."
Bodie stayed silent in his own pain, accepting the failure......
"Look, I'm not sayin' it's over with us, with you and me, but tonight--" His voice
caught again, but he didn't heed it, battled on, "It's her I want, I know I can't
have her but that's how it is tonight, and I'd be better alone, honest, Bodie."
He tried to smile, to make it all better. "I'm not in the mood, mate. Go out and
pick up some bird from the pub, eh, you can tell me all about it in the morning?"
The knife slid under skin and twisted.
"You make me so angry sometimes," said Bodie in a low voice....
Hyperion to a Satyr:Sebastian
His partner was lying there, stretched out on the sofa, engrossed in a paperback,
and genuinely unconcerned it seemed, that Bodie was packing to leave for all of
four days. And Bodie knew all too well how differently Doyle's departure would have
affected him... Yet the hurt of that difference was almost familiar to him now, and
he wandered over to the sofa to sit... couldn't stop trying, could he?
"...Just thought, since I'm leaving an' all....Thought maybe you'd want to spend some
time....you know...." he finished weakly. He looked away, and heard Doyle sigh deeply.
"You're just goin' away for four fuckin' days, Bodie. Not joining the Foreign Legion."
Bodie looked down at his lap, wounded again.
Scenes From the Edge:Kate Maclean
Why don't we get some nosh and go to one of our flats?" He kept his voice carefully
neutral, not daring to inject a note of hopefulness, unwilling to risk pushing Bodie
away by pushing too hard. But oh, how he wanted Bodie in his bed tonight.
And every night.
He waited. Bodie took a long time replying. "Nah...I've got plans for later."
"Oh." Doyle tried hard not to let the ache of disappointment show. "Date?"
"Yeah. Air hostess...."
"Is that right?" Doyle hadn't heard him mention any birds lately. "A looker, is she?"
"You know any air hostesses who aren't?"
Doyle didn't reply.....
Love in a Faithless Country:Alexandra
God, what an idiot he truly was. Of course he loved Ray Doyle, he always had.
It didn’t take a carving or a spell to make that happen, it was as natural as night
follows day. It had taken a spell to make him see it clearly though, realise how much
the man meant to him. And now he’d spent the last week pissing the love of his life off.
No wonder Doyle had preferred Stuart’s company.
He could put it right though, he could tell Ray how he felt, take the chance. He’d risk
a bollocking by his partner, or worse, if Ray took exception to his romantic interest.
But now the momentum of his feelings had started he couldn’t stop them, he had to do
something about it, even if it meant Ray despising him for it. He could live with
unrequited love and Ray’s ratty temper, but he couldn’t live with not knowing.
The Spell: Fictionwriter
"Did you hear what I said?"
"I heard."
There was an awkward silence.
"You could at least congratulate me."
"Yeah, sorry, it's just... it's a bit of shock, coming from you." He swallowed.
"Things change," Bodie said......Shock, disbelief, any amount of teasing, these
he had expected. Not the moment of devastation he had glimpsed. What was the matter
with Doyle, you'd think Bodie had announced his funeral instead of his wedding....
"Yeah," Doyle mumbled. "Things do change."
Chalk and Cheese: Thomas
"I suppose I should be glad I found him sleeping on the sofa instead of....."
she began bitterly, before biting off what she had been going to say.
Doyle flushed and looked away, frowning, well aware of what she'd meant to say, but
bewildered she should have been on the point of stating it so openly. Was it really
possible that other people, Ann included, saw something there between Bodie and
himself even they themselves wouldn't admit to, and certainly weren't consciously
revealing...It wasn't a topic he felt capable of discussing with her, so he moved
on to, what for him, was slightly safer ground, and said, "Christ, I can't believe
I didn't see how much you two dislike each other."
"Oh, Ray, you're so naive," she said, exasperated with him, "why shouldn't we
dislike each other? We're rivals, aren't we?"
Denoument:LH
He didn't want to listen, but Bodie was only about three feet away from him, he could
even hear the phone ringing at the other end, then a woman's voice came on.
Christ. He's phoning her in front of me, Doyle thought. He's not even trying to be
discreet. Doyle was determined not to let Bodie see how much this was upsetting him...
He really didn't want to hear, but it was impossible not to. Bodie was talking softly
now. "Hallo, love, it's Phil. Look, I'm sorry, but I've been called into work...Looks
like it's going to be an all night thing so I'll get back to you when I can, O.K....."
Who the hell was this woman Bodie introduced himself to as 'Phil'? He'd never heard
anyone call Bodie anything other than Bodie - and get away with it. He was Bodie.
Just Bodie...
Question Time:Rob
Anger shot through him, like an arrow coldly flensed with steel; anger at Doyle's
blatant exhibitionism - for he knew all too well Doyle did it out of a very calculated
purpose indeed - and anger at his own helpless desire, the shaming lust that led him,
every bloody time they played one of these very private little games instigated by Doyle,
to gorge his eyes on Ray while he had the chance, greedily feeding on the sight of him,
stashing impressions away in his memory with indecent haste, piling small detail on
small detail, to be brought out at leisure, and alone...
... but even anger could do nothing to quell the growing, insistent excitement as he
watched Ray undress, the intensely heightened sexual awareness, the tense alertness of
anticipation...
Siren:Sebastian
With an irritated sigh, Doyle chanced a glance backwards. From Bodie's stance, Doyle
knew that he had been hurt by Doyle's dismissal of his offer of comfort. He also knew
that Bodie wouldn't say a word about it. Bodie would let him off. As usual. The power
he knew he had over his partner gave him a great deal of satisfaction, and for a moment,
he actually wanted to bask in that power.......(He) shook his head in exasperation as
he considered how much longer he was going to continue to hurt his partner, his best
friend....
Learning Curve:LilyK
Bodie gave him a wry smile as he slid into the car and slammed the door. "Ivan the
Terrible seems to have taken quite a shine to you."
At first Ray protested innocence. 'What are you talking about?"
"Come on, you're not blind. And even if you were, you don't have to be clairvoyant.
He's getting quite attached to you."
"Yeah, I've noticed," Ray growled. "What d'you reckon it is?"
"A crush. Infatuation......It'll probably wear off, don't worry. It's the
stranger-in-a-strange-land thing. Doesn't matter much."
"He doesn't look gay, " Ray mused. "Bisexual, I suppose. I mean he looks as normal
as you....."
Andante:Jane"
Ray. Ray, damn his green eyes. His sea-green, smiling eyes. Only they hadn't been
smiling today. He wished that it had been a day off for both of them. He could have
taken Ray away for the day. Fishing, hiking, somewhere.. He could have taken Doyle
with him, showed him at least one of the secret places. One of the cars, maybe. Or
the marvellous collection he kept in Mrs D's attic.
But no. He would not show Ray the foxholes he'd made. He would no more show Ray
the Uzi in the boot of his old car than he'd show him the lust that burned in his
gut for his partner....Could say it. Could say, I love you. But that thought
frightened Bodie as much as it would distress Doyle. Love? Course it wasn't
love. Couldn't be. Wasn't anything like love. Just lust.
Secrets:DVS
Doyle used to get angry about how hurt he felt that Bodie would never show
anything more than pure, straightforward lust. Why should he care so much when
his mate clearly didn’t give a flying fuck? .....Because the idea of it - the
smallest wisp of possibility that Bodie felt at all that thing that Doyle
struggled with every day - was truly intoxicating. Doyle could never not hope
for a thing like that. For Bodie to worry and wonder, for him to long for him,
for him to want to kiss his face off in pure joy and pleasure in his company and
punch his lights out for being a complete arsehole, all at the same time. Because
that’s what Bodie did to him. And the fact that he meant nothing to Bodie, himself,
was unbearable.
And it felt like a kiss: Ailcia
Bodie would come to him tonight, or maybe tomorrow night. He always came after
an op gone bad. The need for release was well-understood by them both: a celebration
of victory snatched from death. Those nights when passion and violence ruled, albeit
tempered by an undeniable, and unexpected, tenderness....It was these moments, these
nights, when he understood what it was he gave to Bodie that his partner never could.
When he knew the odd threesome they created was a viable entity. Yet, he had never
cared--or dared--to explore the hidden emotions roiling within his lover where Doyle
was concerned. That, the one topic they never spoke of.
Chances Change:PFL
I was just fooling around, and Bodie...Bodie was not. I could see it in his eyes when
he kissed me the first time. I could feel it every time we touched. And yet I couldn't
stop myself. I'd always wanted what was on offer tonight, and altered conditions, like
making love instead of fucking, seemed a minor change. I easily got him back on the right
track, too. I kissed him to shut him up, to deflect any word he was going to say. Didn't
work though. No matter how I touched and caressed his body, his eyes always sought mine
and silently conveyed a promise..
Bodie's in love. With me. And I used that......
Bodie cares too much. Too damn much. Maybe even too much to accept that I won't change...
I never meant for all of this to become so complicated.....
It shouldn't hurt so much not to love somebody.
Altruism:Hermine
"Keller died about 15 minutes ago. Major Nairn called."
Shocked, Bodie closed his eyes, inwardly cursing Keller. They weren't partners anymore;
Keller shouldn't have sacrificed himself. Guilt savaged Bodie, piercing his armored
emotions, as he faced the truth. Keller's real motive for saving him was a love that
Bodie had never been able to return. Shame flooded him, remembering he'd been tempted
to bed Keller for old times, at least until he'd known about the girl. Guilt compounded
by shame caused him to reach for his protective shell of anger, but it wasn't to be
found tonight. Lately, he'd had too much reason to feel empathy with all those suffering
from unrequited love.
An Exercise in Futility:Madeleine Lee
"Just wanted to say sorry....for screwing up the team, sir. If I hadn't gotten
involved..." He trailed off as Cowley met his gaze at last....eyes tired and yet,
suddenly mesmerising in their honesty.
"I've never encountered anyone less suited to remaining uninvolved, Bodie. For all
that hard man front of yours, it was only a matter of time before you gave your...
loyalty completely." Bodie stared mute into the pain in those dark eyes. "You chose
Doyle."
It was a simple statement, it said nothing really, and yet Bodie stood there
stunned, hypnotised by that pain.
Not Cowley, he thought vaguely. Not Cowley.....
Choosing:Kate Maclean
"What do you want from me, Bodie..?"
"Doesn't matter now. Never did, I suppose. A bit of yourself, maybe. A bit of you
that was only for me, that only I could reach...But you're too democratic for that,
aren't you? Treat everyone the same; chance acquaintances, total strangers, even
snitches and the occasional villain can catch at that overworked conscience of
yours...You capitalise on your assets. Parcel it out special, don't you? Dependin'
on what you get back."
"No." Doyle's denial sounded weak to his own ears...
"Maybe that's it. Maybe I've just never been able to figure you out. Nobody really
owns a cat, do they?"
Totally lost now, Doyle just stared at him...Bodie shrugged, "It's okay, Ray. Don't
go off on a guilt trip. You can't help what you are. I've never blamed you...
My fault, being such a pushover. Mush inside where you're concerned.
Poison Apples:Pamela Rose
Bodie picked up the letter and walked across the room, unable to bear keeping still
as he read it, with its smudged ink, its multiple crossings-out and corrections. It
looked like Doyle had either been very drunk or very upset when he wrote it: perhaps
both....He saw the words ‘I love you,’ written twice. He saw the sense of
hopelessness: Doyle had expected nothing in return for this.... it had needed to be
said because heaven and hell were both better than limbo. It was a reality that had
to be faced up to. The tragedy was that neither of them had realised they were living
in the same reality until it was too late.
But the worst part of all for Bodie, was the end of the letter: the words 'Your Ray,'
albeit crossed out... but he'd thought it; he'd written it....*mine all along*, and I
didn't.....
The Letter Doyle Never Sent:Maddalia: Proslib CD
"She thinks we're fucking, does she?....Very - interestin', that. Or is it more of
a - a spiritual kind of love?"
"Oh, an unrequited love....."
"I get it. You're in love with me but I'm keeping you at arm's length?"
"Well, that's about it. Except I got the feeling she thinks maybe you give me one
every so often just to let me know what I'm missing....You called me up just one too
many times, sunshine."
"I must have done," Doyle marvelled........"So I grant you a kind of mercy fuck, every
so often, do I?"
"She's not sure. She'd rather not think about it." Bodie shuddered, delicately. "She's
probably not too sure of the gory details, anyway. Most likely she thinks gay love means
two blokes dressing up in women's undies and reading Oscar Wilde out loud."
Vivamus, Amemus:Sebastian
"Is she married or dead or...something?"
"....No, it's nothing like that. People care about people in different ways. If
they care at all. Sometimes you can... love a person and know they can't love you
the same way. You settle for what you can get."
Doyle snapped back as he realized that Bodie was answering his question. "But if
you never told her how you feel, how do you know she'd be turned off? Maybe she
feels the same--"
"No. It's impossible."
His voice was uncharacteristically wistful. Impossible. Now that was a word Doyle
rarely, if ever, associated with Bodie....
Rebound:Courtney Gray
"How can you leave everything like this?"
"What everything? All I have is the job. I have no family here." It hurt to say that,
but he wanted Doyle to understand the ties that held him here were precarious at best.
Five years of deep friendship were important, but he could not base the rest of his
life on it. Someday, Doyle would marry and then where would he be?
"What about me?"
Bodie frowned, trust Doyle to cut to the chase without even knowing he was doing it.
All he could do was tell the truth. "You don't keep me warm at night, sunshine......"
Love's The Last to Know:Meridian
Physically, he was recovering, his body well-mended, and the misery was now simply
something he lived with, something he accepted the way he accepted that he’d heard
nothing from Ray. As Doyle had said, silence spoke louder than words, and if that
was the way it was going to be, then fine, he could cope with that....one thing he
was not going to do was hang around gazing at Doyle, pining away from unrequited
love, wanting to die of unhappiness every time his partner had a new girlfriend.
No, he’d walk before he let himself sink so low. But then a voice would whisper:
easy to say now, when you can’t even see him......
Christ, but he missed Doyle.....
Wish I Wasn't Here:M Fae Glasgow
"Aren't you going to congratulate me, Bodie?" Her breath ghosted over his cheek,
smelling of sweet wine.
Bodie stiffened. "And why would I do that?"
"I won our little game. That deserves congratulations, don't you think? Ray's
mine now and you can't do anything about it."
Something wound tight snapped inside Bodie. He twisted his hand, capturing her
wrist between his fingers, thumb pressing into the palm. Steadily he piled on the
pressure, watching her face as the pain grew....her arrogance finally slipped, revealing,
for a moment, the frightened girl inside.
"On the contrary, my sweet. I'm merely allowing you to borrow Ray for a while. Do remember
to return him in the same condition that you got him in when you get bored, won't you?"
Something Borrowed:Andromeda
variations on the theme of unrequited love.
"Why did you go with him?"
For a minute he didn't say anything. Then, so low I almost missed it....
"He made me feel special. Like I was the most beautiful person in the world. He
touched me as if I was made of something precious and he looked at me as if he had
never seen anything like me in all the world.....I used to laugh at those romantic
films when the women in them acted like I'm acting now. I used to think nobody could
be that stupid. I always used to sit there thinking `Get over it'. I don't think
I'll laugh at them anymore. Anyway, after about five weeks, he started to act as if
having me around all the time was a drag on him. Finally, I asked him if he was tired
of me and he said no. But then he said he was leaving and he wouldn't be able to see
me anymore.... He told me he was leaving at the end of the week. When I went back
the next day he was gone." The Protector:Diva
"Suppose you fall in love one day?" Patricia had asked him. He had been so sure of
the answer. He had thought it impossible. And here he was, already in love. He should
have said, "It has happened already. I love a man I am already tied to with more ties
than marriage, to whom I owe more than I could owe any woman."
He should have said, "Your question is too late."
He should have said, "My heart was damaged, so I never saw what was happening to it.
I forgot what love can be...."
"Have you gone off me?"
She asked it so matter-of-factly...."Jennifer -- don't think that. It isn't you."
"Is there someone else, then?"
He shook his head, but she didn't believe the denial. He didn't know how to explain.
Midnight Clear: Amy M.Morgan
"I love you," he said, very quietly.
He knew - oh he knew so well it was the wrong time, the bittersweetness of that
singing defeat through his blood, but he had to say it.....
"Don't give me that, Bodie."
Bodie stayed silent in his own pain, accepting the failure......
"Look, I'm not sayin' it's over with us, with you and me, but tonight--" His voice
caught again, but he didn't heed it, battled on, "It's her I want, I know I can't
have her but that's how it is tonight, and I'd be better alone, honest, Bodie."
He tried to smile, to make it all better. "I'm not in the mood, mate. Go out and
pick up some bird from the pub, eh, you can tell me all about it in the morning?"
The knife slid under skin and twisted.
"You make me so angry sometimes," said Bodie in a low voice....
Hyperion to a Satyr:Sebastian
His partner was lying there, stretched out on the sofa, engrossed in a paperback,
and genuinely unconcerned it seemed, that Bodie was packing to leave for all of
four days. And Bodie knew all too well how differently Doyle's departure would have
affected him... Yet the hurt of that difference was almost familiar to him now, and
he wandered over to the sofa to sit... couldn't stop trying, could he?
"...Just thought, since I'm leaving an' all....Thought maybe you'd want to spend some
time....you know...." he finished weakly. He looked away, and heard Doyle sigh deeply.
"You're just goin' away for four fuckin' days, Bodie. Not joining the Foreign Legion."
Bodie looked down at his lap, wounded again.
Scenes From the Edge:Kate Maclean
Why don't we get some nosh and go to one of our flats?" He kept his voice carefully
neutral, not daring to inject a note of hopefulness, unwilling to risk pushing Bodie
away by pushing too hard. But oh, how he wanted Bodie in his bed tonight.
And every night.
He waited. Bodie took a long time replying. "Nah...I've got plans for later."
"Oh." Doyle tried hard not to let the ache of disappointment show. "Date?"
"Yeah. Air hostess...."
"Is that right?" Doyle hadn't heard him mention any birds lately. "A looker, is she?"
"You know any air hostesses who aren't?"
Doyle didn't reply.....
Love in a Faithless Country:Alexandra
God, what an idiot he truly was. Of course he loved Ray Doyle, he always had.
It didn’t take a carving or a spell to make that happen, it was as natural as night
follows day. It had taken a spell to make him see it clearly though, realise how much
the man meant to him. And now he’d spent the last week pissing the love of his life off.
No wonder Doyle had preferred Stuart’s company.
He could put it right though, he could tell Ray how he felt, take the chance. He’d risk
a bollocking by his partner, or worse, if Ray took exception to his romantic interest.
But now the momentum of his feelings had started he couldn’t stop them, he had to do
something about it, even if it meant Ray despising him for it. He could live with
unrequited love and Ray’s ratty temper, but he couldn’t live with not knowing.
The Spell: Fictionwriter
"Did you hear what I said?"
"I heard."
There was an awkward silence.
"You could at least congratulate me."
"Yeah, sorry, it's just... it's a bit of shock, coming from you." He swallowed.
"Things change," Bodie said......Shock, disbelief, any amount of teasing, these
he had expected. Not the moment of devastation he had glimpsed. What was the matter
with Doyle, you'd think Bodie had announced his funeral instead of his wedding....
"Yeah," Doyle mumbled. "Things do change."
Chalk and Cheese: Thomas
"I suppose I should be glad I found him sleeping on the sofa instead of....."
she began bitterly, before biting off what she had been going to say.
Doyle flushed and looked away, frowning, well aware of what she'd meant to say, but
bewildered she should have been on the point of stating it so openly. Was it really
possible that other people, Ann included, saw something there between Bodie and
himself even they themselves wouldn't admit to, and certainly weren't consciously
revealing...It wasn't a topic he felt capable of discussing with her, so he moved
on to, what for him, was slightly safer ground, and said, "Christ, I can't believe
I didn't see how much you two dislike each other."
"Oh, Ray, you're so naive," she said, exasperated with him, "why shouldn't we
dislike each other? We're rivals, aren't we?"
Denoument:LH
He didn't want to listen, but Bodie was only about three feet away from him, he could
even hear the phone ringing at the other end, then a woman's voice came on.
Christ. He's phoning her in front of me, Doyle thought. He's not even trying to be
discreet. Doyle was determined not to let Bodie see how much this was upsetting him...
He really didn't want to hear, but it was impossible not to. Bodie was talking softly
now. "Hallo, love, it's Phil. Look, I'm sorry, but I've been called into work...Looks
like it's going to be an all night thing so I'll get back to you when I can, O.K....."
Who the hell was this woman Bodie introduced himself to as 'Phil'? He'd never heard
anyone call Bodie anything other than Bodie - and get away with it. He was Bodie.
Just Bodie...
Question Time:Rob
Anger shot through him, like an arrow coldly flensed with steel; anger at Doyle's
blatant exhibitionism - for he knew all too well Doyle did it out of a very calculated
purpose indeed - and anger at his own helpless desire, the shaming lust that led him,
every bloody time they played one of these very private little games instigated by Doyle,
to gorge his eyes on Ray while he had the chance, greedily feeding on the sight of him,
stashing impressions away in his memory with indecent haste, piling small detail on
small detail, to be brought out at leisure, and alone...
... but even anger could do nothing to quell the growing, insistent excitement as he
watched Ray undress, the intensely heightened sexual awareness, the tense alertness of
anticipation...
Siren:Sebastian
With an irritated sigh, Doyle chanced a glance backwards. From Bodie's stance, Doyle
knew that he had been hurt by Doyle's dismissal of his offer of comfort. He also knew
that Bodie wouldn't say a word about it. Bodie would let him off. As usual. The power
he knew he had over his partner gave him a great deal of satisfaction, and for a moment,
he actually wanted to bask in that power.......(He) shook his head in exasperation as
he considered how much longer he was going to continue to hurt his partner, his best
friend....
Learning Curve:LilyK
Bodie gave him a wry smile as he slid into the car and slammed the door. "Ivan the
Terrible seems to have taken quite a shine to you."
At first Ray protested innocence. 'What are you talking about?"
"Come on, you're not blind. And even if you were, you don't have to be clairvoyant.
He's getting quite attached to you."
"Yeah, I've noticed," Ray growled. "What d'you reckon it is?"
"A crush. Infatuation......It'll probably wear off, don't worry. It's the
stranger-in-a-strange-land thing. Doesn't matter much."
"He doesn't look gay, " Ray mused. "Bisexual, I suppose. I mean he looks as normal
as you....."
Andante:Jane"
Ray. Ray, damn his green eyes. His sea-green, smiling eyes. Only they hadn't been
smiling today. He wished that it had been a day off for both of them. He could have
taken Ray away for the day. Fishing, hiking, somewhere.. He could have taken Doyle
with him, showed him at least one of the secret places. One of the cars, maybe. Or
the marvellous collection he kept in Mrs D's attic.
But no. He would not show Ray the foxholes he'd made. He would no more show Ray
the Uzi in the boot of his old car than he'd show him the lust that burned in his
gut for his partner....Could say it. Could say, I love you. But that thought
frightened Bodie as much as it would distress Doyle. Love? Course it wasn't
love. Couldn't be. Wasn't anything like love. Just lust.
Secrets:DVS
Doyle used to get angry about how hurt he felt that Bodie would never show
anything more than pure, straightforward lust. Why should he care so much when
his mate clearly didn’t give a flying fuck? .....Because the idea of it - the
smallest wisp of possibility that Bodie felt at all that thing that Doyle
struggled with every day - was truly intoxicating. Doyle could never not hope
for a thing like that. For Bodie to worry and wonder, for him to long for him,
for him to want to kiss his face off in pure joy and pleasure in his company and
punch his lights out for being a complete arsehole, all at the same time. Because
that’s what Bodie did to him. And the fact that he meant nothing to Bodie, himself,
was unbearable.
And it felt like a kiss: Ailcia
Bodie would come to him tonight, or maybe tomorrow night. He always came after
an op gone bad. The need for release was well-understood by them both: a celebration
of victory snatched from death. Those nights when passion and violence ruled, albeit
tempered by an undeniable, and unexpected, tenderness....It was these moments, these
nights, when he understood what it was he gave to Bodie that his partner never could.
When he knew the odd threesome they created was a viable entity. Yet, he had never
cared--or dared--to explore the hidden emotions roiling within his lover where Doyle
was concerned. That, the one topic they never spoke of.
Chances Change:PFL
I was just fooling around, and Bodie...Bodie was not. I could see it in his eyes when
he kissed me the first time. I could feel it every time we touched. And yet I couldn't
stop myself. I'd always wanted what was on offer tonight, and altered conditions, like
making love instead of fucking, seemed a minor change. I easily got him back on the right
track, too. I kissed him to shut him up, to deflect any word he was going to say. Didn't
work though. No matter how I touched and caressed his body, his eyes always sought mine
and silently conveyed a promise..
Bodie's in love. With me. And I used that......
Bodie cares too much. Too damn much. Maybe even too much to accept that I won't change...
I never meant for all of this to become so complicated.....
It shouldn't hurt so much not to love somebody.
Altruism:Hermine
"Keller died about 15 minutes ago. Major Nairn called."
Shocked, Bodie closed his eyes, inwardly cursing Keller. They weren't partners anymore;
Keller shouldn't have sacrificed himself. Guilt savaged Bodie, piercing his armored
emotions, as he faced the truth. Keller's real motive for saving him was a love that
Bodie had never been able to return. Shame flooded him, remembering he'd been tempted
to bed Keller for old times, at least until he'd known about the girl. Guilt compounded
by shame caused him to reach for his protective shell of anger, but it wasn't to be
found tonight. Lately, he'd had too much reason to feel empathy with all those suffering
from unrequited love.
An Exercise in Futility:Madeleine Lee
"Just wanted to say sorry....for screwing up the team, sir. If I hadn't gotten
involved..." He trailed off as Cowley met his gaze at last....eyes tired and yet,
suddenly mesmerising in their honesty.
"I've never encountered anyone less suited to remaining uninvolved, Bodie. For all
that hard man front of yours, it was only a matter of time before you gave your...
loyalty completely." Bodie stared mute into the pain in those dark eyes. "You chose
Doyle."
It was a simple statement, it said nothing really, and yet Bodie stood there
stunned, hypnotised by that pain.
Not Cowley, he thought vaguely. Not Cowley.....
Choosing:Kate Maclean
"What do you want from me, Bodie..?"
"Doesn't matter now. Never did, I suppose. A bit of yourself, maybe. A bit of you
that was only for me, that only I could reach...But you're too democratic for that,
aren't you? Treat everyone the same; chance acquaintances, total strangers, even
snitches and the occasional villain can catch at that overworked conscience of
yours...You capitalise on your assets. Parcel it out special, don't you? Dependin'
on what you get back."
"No." Doyle's denial sounded weak to his own ears...
"Maybe that's it. Maybe I've just never been able to figure you out. Nobody really
owns a cat, do they?"
Totally lost now, Doyle just stared at him...Bodie shrugged, "It's okay, Ray. Don't
go off on a guilt trip. You can't help what you are. I've never blamed you...
My fault, being such a pushover. Mush inside where you're concerned.
Poison Apples:Pamela Rose
Bodie picked up the letter and walked across the room, unable to bear keeping still
as he read it, with its smudged ink, its multiple crossings-out and corrections. It
looked like Doyle had either been very drunk or very upset when he wrote it: perhaps
both....He saw the words ‘I love you,’ written twice. He saw the sense of
hopelessness: Doyle had expected nothing in return for this.... it had needed to be
said because heaven and hell were both better than limbo. It was a reality that had
to be faced up to. The tragedy was that neither of them had realised they were living
in the same reality until it was too late.
But the worst part of all for Bodie, was the end of the letter: the words 'Your Ray,'
albeit crossed out... but he'd thought it; he'd written it....*mine all along*, and I
didn't.....
The Letter Doyle Never Sent:Maddalia: Proslib CD
"She thinks we're fucking, does she?....Very - interestin', that. Or is it more of
a - a spiritual kind of love?"
"Oh, an unrequited love....."
"I get it. You're in love with me but I'm keeping you at arm's length?"
"Well, that's about it. Except I got the feeling she thinks maybe you give me one
every so often just to let me know what I'm missing....You called me up just one too
many times, sunshine."
"I must have done," Doyle marvelled........"So I grant you a kind of mercy fuck, every
so often, do I?"
"She's not sure. She'd rather not think about it." Bodie shuddered, delicately. "She's
probably not too sure of the gory details, anyway. Most likely she thinks gay love means
two blokes dressing up in women's undies and reading Oscar Wilde out loud."
Vivamus, Amemus:Sebastian
"Is she married or dead or...something?"
"....No, it's nothing like that. People care about people in different ways. If
they care at all. Sometimes you can... love a person and know they can't love you
the same way. You settle for what you can get."
Doyle snapped back as he realized that Bodie was answering his question. "But if
you never told her how you feel, how do you know she'd be turned off? Maybe she
feels the same--"
"No. It's impossible."
His voice was uncharacteristically wistful. Impossible. Now that was a word Doyle
rarely, if ever, associated with Bodie....
Rebound:Courtney Gray
"How can you leave everything like this?"
"What everything? All I have is the job. I have no family here." It hurt to say that,
but he wanted Doyle to understand the ties that held him here were precarious at best.
Five years of deep friendship were important, but he could not base the rest of his
life on it. Someday, Doyle would marry and then where would he be?
"What about me?"
Bodie frowned, trust Doyle to cut to the chase without even knowing he was doing it.
All he could do was tell the truth. "You don't keep me warm at night, sunshine......"
Love's The Last to Know:Meridian
Physically, he was recovering, his body well-mended, and the misery was now simply
something he lived with, something he accepted the way he accepted that he’d heard
nothing from Ray. As Doyle had said, silence spoke louder than words, and if that
was the way it was going to be, then fine, he could cope with that....one thing he
was not going to do was hang around gazing at Doyle, pining away from unrequited
love, wanting to die of unhappiness every time his partner had a new girlfriend.
No, he’d walk before he let himself sink so low. But then a voice would whisper:
easy to say now, when you can’t even see him......
Christ, but he missed Doyle.....
Wish I Wasn't Here:M Fae Glasgow
"Aren't you going to congratulate me, Bodie?" Her breath ghosted over his cheek,
smelling of sweet wine.
Bodie stiffened. "And why would I do that?"
"I won our little game. That deserves congratulations, don't you think? Ray's
mine now and you can't do anything about it."
Something wound tight snapped inside Bodie. He twisted his hand, capturing her
wrist between his fingers, thumb pressing into the palm. Steadily he piled on the
pressure, watching her face as the pain grew....her arrogance finally slipped, revealing,
for a moment, the frightened girl inside.
"On the contrary, my sweet. I'm merely allowing you to borrow Ray for a while. Do remember
to return him in the same condition that you got him in when you get bored, won't you?"
Something Borrowed:Andromeda