longest poem of life
I wrote this in June.
The pain I feel is deep within my chest
Urges to cry
Tears keep coming
They keep coming
Dont stop coming
Orgasm of salt drops dampen my pillows
Will I ever let go?
Feels like one big day with moments of darkness
Cycles of fake happiness and unsettled anger
Life is not fair!
Why do some people get everything when I deserve more?
Look at me!
Look at me!
Freak show on display
Fifty cents for five minutes
A dollar if you want to throw peanuts
Time is fleeting
No one's moving
I dream of a knife
My blood on the floor
Relief
No one will notice
Need to feel relief
Sound of destruction
Plug my ears and hum a tune
Was it always this hot outside?
Gained weight
How can I be so fat yet so invisible?
Need to feel an exit
Detour the pain somewhere else
Want to die
Always dying
Born to die
Already dead
Dead to feel
Sing to me angel
Is that your voice I hear?
Leave again
Come back soon
Never promise to stay long
Ask questions
Answer nicely
Keep smiling
Dont seem fake
Never be too real
Are they scared?
Keep them thinking
Please everyone
Dont let them suspect
Ken Doll
Fake smile
Dont get happiness
Having a bad life
It's happiness
To me
Anyways
Always tired
Keep quite
Close your eyes
Still feel it?
Does it still hurt?
Let the sleep wash it away
With those traces left
Nothing ever really goes away
No one ever really goes away
Say it again
Make me believe you care
Let me linger
Make me feel handsome one last time
Are you a dream?
Listless sleep
Tiring sleep
Oasis in a mental desert
Try too hard
They are not your friends
Never share happy moments
Just plain days
Shot of pain breathing in my chest
Nomad in my own mind
Cant find a place to settle
Will you be my friend?
Was he here?
Was the one that made you smile
Sitting in my chair?
Inside joke with myself
Dont move too quick
Life moves for you
Are you still my friend?
I know I get angry
But I need you
I call
I need you
I get your machine
I hope my machine comforts you too
Itching to write
Need to let it out
Dont want to feel sedated
Crying only numbs me more
Will it ever stop raining?
I hate it how you looks so peaceful sleeping
Can I kiss you once more
Remember how you taste
There are parts of me that yearn for your lips
Can you hear them calling?
Just keep writing
Let it all go
I am nothing but ordinary
You can stop looking at me now
Are you proud of me yet?
Do you consider me weak cause I cry?
How do you feel?
I dont
I want to be happy just once
Right before I die
That way you wont have to cry
Because I'll be happy
Even if it was just once
The pain I feel is deep within my chest
Urges to cry
Tears keep coming
They keep coming
Dont stop coming
Orgasm of salt drops dampen my pillows
Will I ever let go?
Feels like one big day with moments of darkness
Cycles of fake happiness and unsettled anger
Life is not fair!
Why do some people get everything when I deserve more?
Look at me!
Look at me!
Freak show on display
Fifty cents for five minutes
A dollar if you want to throw peanuts
Time is fleeting
No one's moving
I dream of a knife
My blood on the floor
Relief
No one will notice
Need to feel relief
Sound of destruction
Plug my ears and hum a tune
Was it always this hot outside?
Gained weight
How can I be so fat yet so invisible?
Need to feel an exit
Detour the pain somewhere else
Want to die
Always dying
Born to die
Already dead
Dead to feel
Sing to me angel
Is that your voice I hear?
Leave again
Come back soon
Never promise to stay long
Ask questions
Answer nicely
Keep smiling
Dont seem fake
Never be too real
Are they scared?
Keep them thinking
Please everyone
Dont let them suspect
Ken Doll
Fake smile
Dont get happiness
Having a bad life
It's happiness
To me
Anyways
Always tired
Keep quite
Close your eyes
Still feel it?
Does it still hurt?
Let the sleep wash it away
With those traces left
Nothing ever really goes away
No one ever really goes away
Say it again
Make me believe you care
Let me linger
Make me feel handsome one last time
Are you a dream?
Listless sleep
Tiring sleep
Oasis in a mental desert
Try too hard
They are not your friends
Never share happy moments
Just plain days
Shot of pain breathing in my chest
Nomad in my own mind
Cant find a place to settle
Will you be my friend?
Was he here?
Was the one that made you smile
Sitting in my chair?
Inside joke with myself
Dont move too quick
Life moves for you
Are you still my friend?
I know I get angry
But I need you
I call
I need you
I get your machine
I hope my machine comforts you too
Itching to write
Need to let it out
Dont want to feel sedated
Crying only numbs me more
Will it ever stop raining?
I hate it how you looks so peaceful sleeping
Can I kiss you once more
Remember how you taste
There are parts of me that yearn for your lips
Can you hear them calling?
Just keep writing
Let it all go
I am nothing but ordinary
You can stop looking at me now
Are you proud of me yet?
Do you consider me weak cause I cry?
How do you feel?
I dont
I want to be happy just once
Right before I die
That way you wont have to cry
Because I'll be happy
Even if it was just once