If I were to analyze it critically I would agree with your statement about the first part - organization is a little lacking. But honestly, just reading it, it's not even noticeable. Upon a first read, anyway.
I'm not sure how I feel about it ending with a question.
I am glad it makes you feel better. That's what is most important.
And I do like it. It's relaxing, even toward the end where it might not be, it is. In a way, anyway. It is well put. And flows well, most of the time.
Today I looked up at the sky for awhile on my way to class and thought about how big it is. "Vast" was the word I used in my head. But "mighty" perhaps puts it better. And I thought of it the same way you speak of it. As something seemingly impossible to transcend. No matter how far I reach I will never touch the clouds, is what I thought to myself.
So yeah, I'm jealous that you got to hang out outside today.
I'm glad you can be so honest about my writing. I need that.
I like the ending being a question... it pretty much sums up my situation. After the question comes up, there is no answer. There is no where to go from there, for me. So it seems appropriate.
You liked "mighty", huh? That's great, because once I thought of it I knew it was perfect for the poem. It's such a new word to me as far as using it in writing.
Well hey, anytime you wanna sit outside with me... next time you're an unemployed bum, give me a call. I'm definitely up for it.
its a wednesday, its 8:2o in the morning, im intoxicated and ur not online this morning. This makes me upset. so im leaving u this note to tell u im upset. and something just flashed. i DONT know what it is. i think there may be a ghost in my room.
Comments 4
I'm not sure how I feel about it ending with a question.
I am glad it makes you feel better. That's what is most important.
And I do like it. It's relaxing, even toward the end where it might not be, it is. In a way, anyway.
It is well put. And flows well, most of the time.
Today I looked up at the sky for awhile on my way to class and thought about how big it is. "Vast" was the word I used in my head. But "mighty" perhaps puts it better. And I thought of it the same way you speak of it. As something seemingly impossible to transcend. No matter how far I reach I will never touch the clouds, is what I thought to myself.
So yeah, I'm jealous that you got to hang out outside today.
:)
Reply
I like the ending being a question... it pretty much sums up my situation. After the question comes up, there is no answer. There is no where to go from there, for me. So it seems appropriate.
You liked "mighty", huh? That's great, because once I thought of it I knew it was perfect for the poem. It's such a new word to me as far as using it in writing.
Well hey, anytime you wanna sit outside with me... next time you're an unemployed bum, give me a call. I'm definitely up for it.
:)
Reply
Fine, I'll accept the question then.
Yeah, well, by the time I am an unemployed bum, you will have a job. Or you'd better at least. Not that I have plans to become unemployed.
:P
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:)
love youuuuu
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