this is what I translate on my days off
So I got this in an email the other day, and laughed my ass off. It was in Spanish, however, so I thought I should translate it for the rest of you. :D
RULES OF FELATIO: WRITTEN BY WOMEN, FOR MEN
Rule 1: First and foremost: we're not obliged to suck it.
Rule 2: Extension to rule 1: so if we suck it, be grateful
Rule 3: I don't care what you saw in that porno, it's not normal to come on the girl's face.
Rule 4: Extension to rule 3: NO, I don't have to swallow it either.
Rule 5: My ears are not handlebars.
Rule 6: Extension to rule 5: don't push my head, my throat has a limited ability. Do you want me to throw up on your dick?
Rule 7: I don't care how relaxed you get, it's not polite to fart.
Rule 8: Just because I'm on my period doesn't mean it's blowjob week. Get it in your head: I feel swollen up and like shit. So I don't feel particularly obliged to suck it just because you can't fuck right now.
Rule 9: Extension to rule 8: saying your balls hurt might have worked in high school but not anymore. If you're that desperate, jerk off and leave me alone with my tampons.
Rule 10: If I stop for a moment to get your pubes out of my teeth, don't tell me I've just ruined it.
Rule 11: Leaving me in bed to go play video games or watch TV, just after finishing, is highly unrecommendable if you want my behaviour (blowjob) to be repeated in the future.
Rule 12: If you like the way I'm doing it, the best to do is not speculate about the origin of my talent. Just enjoy the moment and be glad I'm so good. This rule is also a possible extension to rule 2 (be grateful).
Rule 13: No, it doesn't taste particularly good. I don't care for the nutritious content of its proteins.
Rule 14: I won't do it while you're watching TV, got it?
Rule 15: When you hear your friends complaining about how their girlfriends don't suck it enough, keep your little mouth shut. It's not appropiate to either show compassion nor get into the conversation with them.
Rule 16: Just because it gets hard in the morning does not mean I have to give it what you call "a good morning kiss".
/public post so anyone can enjoy it.
RULES OF FELATIO: WRITTEN BY WOMEN, FOR MEN
Rule 1: First and foremost: we're not obliged to suck it.
Rule 2: Extension to rule 1: so if we suck it, be grateful
Rule 3: I don't care what you saw in that porno, it's not normal to come on the girl's face.
Rule 4: Extension to rule 3: NO, I don't have to swallow it either.
Rule 5: My ears are not handlebars.
Rule 6: Extension to rule 5: don't push my head, my throat has a limited ability. Do you want me to throw up on your dick?
Rule 7: I don't care how relaxed you get, it's not polite to fart.
Rule 8: Just because I'm on my period doesn't mean it's blowjob week. Get it in your head: I feel swollen up and like shit. So I don't feel particularly obliged to suck it just because you can't fuck right now.
Rule 9: Extension to rule 8: saying your balls hurt might have worked in high school but not anymore. If you're that desperate, jerk off and leave me alone with my tampons.
Rule 10: If I stop for a moment to get your pubes out of my teeth, don't tell me I've just ruined it.
Rule 11: Leaving me in bed to go play video games or watch TV, just after finishing, is highly unrecommendable if you want my behaviour (blowjob) to be repeated in the future.
Rule 12: If you like the way I'm doing it, the best to do is not speculate about the origin of my talent. Just enjoy the moment and be glad I'm so good. This rule is also a possible extension to rule 2 (be grateful).
Rule 13: No, it doesn't taste particularly good. I don't care for the nutritious content of its proteins.
Rule 14: I won't do it while you're watching TV, got it?
Rule 15: When you hear your friends complaining about how their girlfriends don't suck it enough, keep your little mouth shut. It's not appropiate to either show compassion nor get into the conversation with them.
Rule 16: Just because it gets hard in the morning does not mean I have to give it what you call "a good morning kiss".
/public post so anyone can enjoy it.