Serious business talk
(This discussion is brought to you by the Madonna episode of Glee in the later half of the first season.)
So, feminism is all well and good. I will be the first to stand up and say I support female equality whole-heartedly. But, there are inherent problems with it, as there are with any "equality" standpoint.
The thing is, men and women are different. We're different physically, mentally, hormonally, you name it. Of course, then you get into the whole transsexual identifying with a different gender thing and hermaphrodites and it gets quite a bit fuzzy. But let's not get into that right now.
The point I'm trying to make right now is about double standards.
There are people in the world that will fly off the handle if you hold a door open for them (trust me, I've had it happen before) and then there are people who will think you extremely rude if you don't. And most of the time it has to do with gender issues. Someone is holding the door for you, someone is being nice to you, not your gender. Don't assume that they think you're too weak to open it yourself or that they're looking down on you in any way. Take the gesture for what it is and stop getting so uptight about ridiculous little things like that.
That was just an example though. Let's talk about the biggest area for double standards: sex and libido.
So, there's this hot girl, right? Maybe she's a cheerleader, maybe she's a ditsy blonde, maybe both. Anyway, one of her friends dares her to sleep with the poor nerdy virgin in the chess club/whatever other "loser" clique you can think of. If she takes up the bet, you can pretty much assume the sex in going to happen, never mind about what the nerd thinks or wants. Because, as we all know, guys cannot control themselves when it comes to sex, no matter the form. Not at all. I cannot express to you guys how obnoxious this cliche is to me.
Yes, hormones are tricky things to control, especially when you're growing up and getting used to the idea of your body and sex. That does not mean that everyone of the male persuasion is going to jump at the idea of sex. Yes, a lot of them might, but then you could say the same thing about girls. And I don't care what you hear, girls have just as many sex fantasies as guys. Maybe not in the same way, but we certainly have our share of daydreams. Why do you think those ridiculous romance series authors are so popular?
But anyway, there are a lot of different kinds of people and a lot of different ways to feel about sex. Is it purely physical? Does it have to be romantic? Is it just a means to an end, i.e. producing offspring? Some people have a deep emotional connection to sex and because of that are very picky about who they sleep with because it just isn't worth it to them unless they love whoever they're doing it with. This attitude is almost always applied to girls, especially in entertainment, like TV shows and movies. Who says guys can't feel the same way?
But getting all the way back to the beginning of this post, I mentioned an episode of Glee. I was really enjoying this episode, mainly because it pointed out a lot of things I have problems with in entertainment, mainly the stereotyping of men and women. Well, it turns out the whole episode is a lead up to a three-way pre-sex scene involving three different couples. One, of course, is Will and Emma; turns out Emma panics and can't go through with it. Not surprising, as she has a lot of problems when it comes to being intimate with anyone, even someone she genuinely cares about. This was in character and I wholeheartedly approve. Will's attitude leading up to the night was a bit of a bother, as he really doesn't seem to be grieving over much about his years-long marriage with his high school sweetheart. I get that he's been crushing on Emma longer than even he knows, but the first opportunity to have sex with her and he jumps on it without hesitating, even though he's been shown to be sensitive about others and himself to a fault. That was the first red flag.
Then we get Jessie and Rachel. This one was completely realistic for these characters, so not gonna talk about it over much. Jessie is using Rachel, so he's a little pissed when she refuses because she's not ready. Rachel listens to how she feels and stands up for herself as she always does. Sounds good.
Then we get to the problem. Finn and Santana. When Santana first approaches Finn about a one-nighter to get rid of his virginity "problem" (her words, not mine), he refuses on the grounds that he's got feelings for someone else (*cough* Rachel *cough*). Note that Finn has recently broken up with his long-term girlfriend who it turns out is pregnant not with his child but with his best friend's. Soap opera much? Finn has also proven to be a very sensitive guy whose feelings get hurt quite a lot and who has wonderful self-control. (He never actually had sex with his girlfriend since she wanted to wait til marriage and respected that whole heartedly.) He's also pretty smart when it comes to doing the right thing, even if he's completely oblivious about others. So right now I'm on board with his decision as I feel he needs some time to heal and having sex with someone who he will probably never even like is not the way to go about that.
Then, for some reason, he decides to go for it! Yay! (Oh God, this can't end well...) And he's the only one of the three who actually goes through with it. Why? Because he's a teenage guy and Santana is hot so of course he can't control himself, even though he's controlled himself perfectly well around Quinn for God only knows how long. This is really not the worst example of my point, but it just really bothered me and brought a lot of things I've been thinking about into consideration.
Because, as we all know, the only way to get what you want from your guy is to deprive him of sex, right? As soon as he sees you're serious, he'll do anything to get back into your bed. ...I can't even.
And don't bother trying to turn this ultimatum on its head because, as we all know, girls can withstand sexual frustration until kingdom come and the trumpets sound.
I hope I got this point across, cause I'm not really sure that was coherent, but I tried my best.
There is one other thing that has really, really bothered me recently. (Following discussion contains rape, so please don't say I didn't warn you.)
When is sex not sexy?
Well, I suppose it really depends on the person and their preferences, but there are a few universal concepts that are just not sexy to almost everyone.
First, medical procedures. Just because someone else is touching you intimately doesn't mean you're going to get aroused. It's very, very unlikely in a prostate exam, for example, or a gynecologist's appointment. Those exams are unfortunately necessary but completely invasive. So no, I'm not going to buy your story about so-and-so getting turned on by their doctor and falling in love with them because of it. Stop and think for a second, fanwits. I'm so tired of this crap.
Secondly and most importantly, rape. I'm sure the majority of you that have ever read fanfiction have come into contact with the following plotline: Alice/Anthony is forced to have sex against her/his will with Bob/Britney, who she/he finds attractive. Halfway through, she/he realizes she's/he's enjoying it and the two fall in love, get married, and have triplets. ...Is anyone else completely, completely disturbed by this concept? I've said it before and I'll say it again. Just because someone is touching you intimately does not mean you will become aroused or even remotely interested. Put yourself in Alice's/Anthony's shoes for a second, authors. I don't care if your rapist is Brad Pitt when he was shooting Troy, if you don't want to do it, it will be painful, traumatic, and probably the un-sexiest thing you'll ever experience.
Wrapping this point around to the one previous: guys (and girls, though this statistic is less likely), you have control over your own libido. When someone says no, you can stop. It might be very painful and frustrating, but everyone has enough willpower to take control of themselves in that situation. There is no excuse.
Wow, that was dark. This is why I never talk serious on this journal. Anyway, will hopefully have something up that's more cheerful in a few days. We'll see.
So, feminism is all well and good. I will be the first to stand up and say I support female equality whole-heartedly. But, there are inherent problems with it, as there are with any "equality" standpoint.
The thing is, men and women are different. We're different physically, mentally, hormonally, you name it. Of course, then you get into the whole transsexual identifying with a different gender thing and hermaphrodites and it gets quite a bit fuzzy. But let's not get into that right now.
The point I'm trying to make right now is about double standards.
There are people in the world that will fly off the handle if you hold a door open for them (trust me, I've had it happen before) and then there are people who will think you extremely rude if you don't. And most of the time it has to do with gender issues. Someone is holding the door for you, someone is being nice to you, not your gender. Don't assume that they think you're too weak to open it yourself or that they're looking down on you in any way. Take the gesture for what it is and stop getting so uptight about ridiculous little things like that.
That was just an example though. Let's talk about the biggest area for double standards: sex and libido.
So, there's this hot girl, right? Maybe she's a cheerleader, maybe she's a ditsy blonde, maybe both. Anyway, one of her friends dares her to sleep with the poor nerdy virgin in the chess club/whatever other "loser" clique you can think of. If she takes up the bet, you can pretty much assume the sex in going to happen, never mind about what the nerd thinks or wants. Because, as we all know, guys cannot control themselves when it comes to sex, no matter the form. Not at all. I cannot express to you guys how obnoxious this cliche is to me.
Yes, hormones are tricky things to control, especially when you're growing up and getting used to the idea of your body and sex. That does not mean that everyone of the male persuasion is going to jump at the idea of sex. Yes, a lot of them might, but then you could say the same thing about girls. And I don't care what you hear, girls have just as many sex fantasies as guys. Maybe not in the same way, but we certainly have our share of daydreams. Why do you think those ridiculous romance series authors are so popular?
But anyway, there are a lot of different kinds of people and a lot of different ways to feel about sex. Is it purely physical? Does it have to be romantic? Is it just a means to an end, i.e. producing offspring? Some people have a deep emotional connection to sex and because of that are very picky about who they sleep with because it just isn't worth it to them unless they love whoever they're doing it with. This attitude is almost always applied to girls, especially in entertainment, like TV shows and movies. Who says guys can't feel the same way?
But getting all the way back to the beginning of this post, I mentioned an episode of Glee. I was really enjoying this episode, mainly because it pointed out a lot of things I have problems with in entertainment, mainly the stereotyping of men and women. Well, it turns out the whole episode is a lead up to a three-way pre-sex scene involving three different couples. One, of course, is Will and Emma; turns out Emma panics and can't go through with it. Not surprising, as she has a lot of problems when it comes to being intimate with anyone, even someone she genuinely cares about. This was in character and I wholeheartedly approve. Will's attitude leading up to the night was a bit of a bother, as he really doesn't seem to be grieving over much about his years-long marriage with his high school sweetheart. I get that he's been crushing on Emma longer than even he knows, but the first opportunity to have sex with her and he jumps on it without hesitating, even though he's been shown to be sensitive about others and himself to a fault. That was the first red flag.
Then we get Jessie and Rachel. This one was completely realistic for these characters, so not gonna talk about it over much. Jessie is using Rachel, so he's a little pissed when she refuses because she's not ready. Rachel listens to how she feels and stands up for herself as she always does. Sounds good.
Then we get to the problem. Finn and Santana. When Santana first approaches Finn about a one-nighter to get rid of his virginity "problem" (her words, not mine), he refuses on the grounds that he's got feelings for someone else (*cough* Rachel *cough*). Note that Finn has recently broken up with his long-term girlfriend who it turns out is pregnant not with his child but with his best friend's. Soap opera much? Finn has also proven to be a very sensitive guy whose feelings get hurt quite a lot and who has wonderful self-control. (He never actually had sex with his girlfriend since she wanted to wait til marriage and respected that whole heartedly.) He's also pretty smart when it comes to doing the right thing, even if he's completely oblivious about others. So right now I'm on board with his decision as I feel he needs some time to heal and having sex with someone who he will probably never even like is not the way to go about that.
Then, for some reason, he decides to go for it! Yay! (Oh God, this can't end well...) And he's the only one of the three who actually goes through with it. Why? Because he's a teenage guy and Santana is hot so of course he can't control himself, even though he's controlled himself perfectly well around Quinn for God only knows how long. This is really not the worst example of my point, but it just really bothered me and brought a lot of things I've been thinking about into consideration.
Because, as we all know, the only way to get what you want from your guy is to deprive him of sex, right? As soon as he sees you're serious, he'll do anything to get back into your bed. ...I can't even.
And don't bother trying to turn this ultimatum on its head because, as we all know, girls can withstand sexual frustration until kingdom come and the trumpets sound.
I hope I got this point across, cause I'm not really sure that was coherent, but I tried my best.
There is one other thing that has really, really bothered me recently. (Following discussion contains rape, so please don't say I didn't warn you.)
When is sex not sexy?
Well, I suppose it really depends on the person and their preferences, but there are a few universal concepts that are just not sexy to almost everyone.
First, medical procedures. Just because someone else is touching you intimately doesn't mean you're going to get aroused. It's very, very unlikely in a prostate exam, for example, or a gynecologist's appointment. Those exams are unfortunately necessary but completely invasive. So no, I'm not going to buy your story about so-and-so getting turned on by their doctor and falling in love with them because of it. Stop and think for a second, fanwits. I'm so tired of this crap.
Secondly and most importantly, rape. I'm sure the majority of you that have ever read fanfiction have come into contact with the following plotline: Alice/Anthony is forced to have sex against her/his will with Bob/Britney, who she/he finds attractive. Halfway through, she/he realizes she's/he's enjoying it and the two fall in love, get married, and have triplets. ...Is anyone else completely, completely disturbed by this concept? I've said it before and I'll say it again. Just because someone is touching you intimately does not mean you will become aroused or even remotely interested. Put yourself in Alice's/Anthony's shoes for a second, authors. I don't care if your rapist is Brad Pitt when he was shooting Troy, if you don't want to do it, it will be painful, traumatic, and probably the un-sexiest thing you'll ever experience.
Wrapping this point around to the one previous: guys (and girls, though this statistic is less likely), you have control over your own libido. When someone says no, you can stop. It might be very painful and frustrating, but everyone has enough willpower to take control of themselves in that situation. There is no excuse.
Wow, that was dark. This is why I never talk serious on this journal. Anyway, will hopefully have something up that's more cheerful in a few days. We'll see.