Heart Shaped Clock - Interlude ToraxSaga (Part B)

[shou_ni]

Title: Heart Shaped Clock.
Author: shou_ni
Pairing: ToraxSaga
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance, Angst, Fluff, Smut-ish
Disclaimer: I dont own anyone, just the story.
Summary: When a beautiful guy enters Tora's life, he's smitten. Unfortunately Shou has a secret and he doesn't want to share it


From that point on, most nights were spent going to parties, drinking large quantities of alcohol and popping Es and dancing until their legs gave out, before sloping back home, crawling up the stairs and going to sleep wherever their body lost all energy. Most of the time they never even made it to bed.

This of course, took it's toll on their school work. Any spare moment that should have been spent on studying, was instead used for partying. Which meant no home work, or revision got done and they ditched going to cram school as well. They may as well have ditched lesson for how much went in, Saga's hangovers often caused him to fall asleep or just zone out so any information that was taught to him went in one ear and right back out of the other again.

It was only as he sat in his final exams, staring blankly at the test sheets with dread running through him. He didn't understand a single thing, how could he have been so stupid.

He looked over at Tora, who seemed to have no problem filling in his test sheet. His eyes went back to his own paper and with a heavy sigh he began filling in the answers almost blindly.

Each exam he took seemed to get worse and worse. He couldn't remember anything that he'd learned in any of his subjects. His last exam was the worst, the words on the page didn't even make sense anymore, he was sure most of them were made up. He had given up, simply filling in ever answer with something that was probably irrelevant. He didn't even need to wait until results day to know that he had failed miserably.

Tora would try to reassure him by telling him that everything was okay and that he would do fine in his exams. He couldn't help but feel deep waves of anxiety every time he thought about it.

Results day rolled around, feeling like an eternity. Saga clung to Tora's hand as they walked into the school building. His legs were shaking and heart was pounding in his ears.

"Calm down babe" Tora said softly, stroking the back of his hand with his thumb "Everything will be alright"

With the results laying on the table in sight, Saga thought he was going to vomit, each step they took was another step closer to his defeat.

Tora was first to be handed his envelope, stepping aside so that Saga could receive his as well.

Trembling fingers lifted the paper flap, slowly pulling the sheet of paper out.

"Alright, all A's! Fuck yeaaaaahh" Tora cheered, throwing his fist in the air with satisfaction, he turned to the younger with a smile "What did  you get?"

His grin dropped upon seeing his lovers expression looking grave.

"I failed, every single exam.." Tears crept into his eyes as he lowered the paper. Tora grabbed his hand and pulled him outside, taking him behind the building where he burst into tears.

"What am I going to do?" He cried throwing his hands up in the air "I didn't get the grades I needed to get into collage. We're supposed to be moving next week. I'm going to be stuck here with no prospects. Oh God.... my parents are going to kill me" Covering his face with his arm he sobbed harder. The older teen pulled him into an embrace, soothing his back gently.

"shhh, don't cry Saga. We can still move together, you can just get a job and then retake your exams. Your parents aren't going to kill you. You just need to explain what happened and I'm sure they will understand" He tilted Saga's chin upwards, using his other hand to wipe his tears away before placing a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth. "Everything is going to be okay, I promise"

Little did Tora know, things wouldn't be as okay as he thought. Saga's parents were anything but understanding. They yelled and screamed at him ashamed that he hadn't passed a single exam. His father was so pissed and dissapointed that he told him to pack his things and go. Needless to say the teenage boy was shocked and didn't think he was serious. Though was made painfully aware that he was as a suitcase was thrown at him. He looked at his mother for some sort of lifeline, but she just turned away with tears in her eyes and said not a single word in his defense.

Through hazy eyes he packed as much as he could into the suitcase and left quickly to avoid another verbal bashing. Of course, there was only one place he could go at that point.

Tora took him in without a second thought. His parents were happy enough to have him stay, after all they would only be in Osaka for another week so it was no trouble.  Saga had never been so thankful for his boyfriend. He treated him kindly, making sure he wasn't feeling too sad. He would hold him in the night as he cried, wiping his tears away. He was truly Saga's rock, one of the only things he had left.

~~ Two months later ~~

Life was so much different living away from his hometown in Osaka. The city was just so bizarre compared to their quiet little houses. There was now a constant hum of traffic and people on the streets below. The soft hue of neon lights shone through their curtains.

Saga found himself rather captivated by it all. He'd settled into city living pretty quickly, getting himself a job at his local grocery store, it wasn't a well paid job in the slightest but as long as he worked hard and did as much overtime as he could, he knew he could scrape enough for his share of the rent. Nao often came over with take out for the three of them. He'd moved into a neighborhood just across town, as he was attending the same collage as Tora.

That's were it got complicated. Since moving, Tora had started hanging out with a different crowd of people, dragging him to more parties whenever he had the night off. Now you'd think that Saga would've learnt his lesson after failing his exams and being kicked out of his parents house, but apparently not. Getting drunk and high on Ecstasy every chance he got.

That was probably the reason that he didn't notice Tora becoming more and more distant. They were rarely home together on their own, and most of the time if they were it was only because there were no parties or club events that night.

Sex for them had become more of a frenzied drive for release, simply wanting to get off rather than savoring the act of love making itself. But as long as Saga carried on taking drugs, he was none the wiser.

He felt his heart beating strongly against his rib cage as the drugs and alcohol argued in his stomach. His head pounded disrupting the beat of the music that boomed out of the speakers. He hadn't quite felt this terrible for a while so he figured it would be best just to go home and sleep it off. As always he had lost track of where Tora had run off to somewhere between his second E and eight vodka shot, so pulled his phone out and sent him a message informing him that he was going home.

He'd gotten lost a few times on the way back to the apartment, but did eventually see the welcoming sight of the buildings entrance. He stepped into the elevator, leaning against it's walls to steady himself, Glad that they only lived in the third floor so that the journey wasn't long.

It opened with a cheerful sounding ping, allowing him to step back onto solid ground. Even in his state he managed to fish out his keys. Pushing the door open with a great deal of effort.

Shoes were dumped by the front door as he made his way down the hall.

His head was throbbing so badly, each tiresome step made him more and more sleepy. Far too sleepy to shower, that could wait until the morning, right now he just needed to crawl into bed and shrivel up under the covers.

Later, he would put it down to his throbbing head as to why he hadn't heard it sooner...

Upon entering the bedroom, his blood ran cold. The view infront of him had him wanting to throw up.

The scene played his boyfriend of almost four years, pounding viciously into the writing body of another male. Fucking him hard into the mattress, the mattress that he and Saga shared. The  two on the bed moaning loudly as their orgasm hit hard. Staining the sheets.

"What the fuck..."

Tora's head snapped around, erasing any doubt that it might in fact not be his boyfriend screwing some random guy on his bed, but an overly horny couple that broke in, or one of the equally far fetched ideas that shot through his mind in a millisecond.

"Saga, what are you doing home already?" The elder blurted, grabbing his jeans and shoving them on.  Saga meanwhile was fighting the urge to throw up, turning and leaving the room, quickly heading towards the front door.

He felt a grip on his arm, spinning him around.

"Saga wait for a second" Tora said hastily.

"NO, get off of me" Saga cried, attempting to free himself, to no avail "let go you two timing bastard"

"Oh shut up You're over reacting"

The blonde honestly could believe what he was hearing, was this for real? Was what he had witnessed reality or just a fucked up figment of his over active drug fueled imagination?

"Over reacting?" He spat "How is this over reacting? I've just walked in on you fucking someone in OUR bed! Tora."

He managed to yank his arm free, but instead of running, he stood firmly in his spot. Glaring at the other male with scornful eyes, willing all of the hurt from them leaving only anger.

"Ditching me at that shitty party so that you can come back here and screw some ho-bag, you fucking slut" He screamed, shoving him.

The back of Tora's hand collided with his cheek before he could even blink, cutting the skin with his ring.

Needless to say, Saga was completely take a back. Tora had never raised a finger or hurt a hair on his head, but now he had such a terrifying look in his eyes that shook Saga deep to the core.

"I said shut the fuck up" The elder yelled.

Weather it was the drug cocktail in his stomach, bravery or sheer stupidity Saga simply wouldn't back down.

"No Tora, I won't shut up." He cried back "How could you do this to me? After everything we've been through, you stupid bastard."

"It's only sex Saga, it's not a big deal"

"Not a big deal? Of course it is, you're disgusting. I deserve more than you, you pathetic cunt" He spat.

That's when something snapped, something that had never surfaced before. Tora grabbed his shirt and punched him square in the face. "How dare you speak to me like that, who the fuck do you think you are, little piece of shit" He boomed, punching him viciously again and again. On and on before throwing him on the floor and kicking him hard in the ribs.

Saga's cries of agony rang out through the apartment, echoing in his own ears as tears streamed down his face.  This wasn't happening, it couldn't. Tora was his teenage sweetheart, they were so in love. He wouldn't ever do this.. would he?

A last kick to the ribs was his final attack before he grabbed his coat and left the apartment, mumbling to himself as he slammed the door. Leaving Saga crumpled on the floor on his own, the stranger in the bedroom had snuck out during their argument.

Saga struggled to get to his feet, having to lean on the wall to stop him from crashing to the floor. Adrenalin coursed through his body, shaking every bone. He dragged himself into the bathroom, almost wrenching at the sight of his reflection. His face covered in bruises and blood pouring from his wounds. How could Tora do this? He ran some cold water, splashing it on his face to try and clean off some of the blood. It hurt like hell, but not as much as the emotional pain, that was crippling. He needed to get out of the apartment, he had no idea where he was going to go, but anywhere was better than staying for the comedown.

As he stumbled to the door, he grabbed a marker pen from the draw. Leaving one last message on the white bedroom door.

- You're going to be sorry -

~~~~~~~~~~~ 4 Years later ~~~~~~~~~~~

Tora ran his hands through his hair, sliding down the wall. Everything he'd been supressing for so long seemed to surface at one. There was no word in any language to describe exactly what he was feeling.

"I wanted to see you suffer" Saga said flatly "I wanted to cause you the same amount of pain that you caused me. Sending you and your lovers death threats, spreading vicious rumors about you and getting your lovers to despise you and leave you."

He sat down next to Tora, resting the back of his head against the wall.

"It felt so good hurting you, it was sweeter than any drug knowing that you would never truly be happy" He glanced over at the elder, sighing gently "There was one thing that I never took into account... we both used to live on drugs and booze. The Tora I loved never would have done any of that, but narcotics fuck up the mind and make us do things that are normally out of character"

"What makes you so sure?" Tora frowned, the regret and distress clear on his face.

"Well.. do you think that Shou would've had sex with me if he wasn't completely wasted?"

Ah.... fair point.

Tora shook his head, what else could he say to that?

"What you did to me was wrong, disgusting even" Saga paused "I'm not going to excuse what you did, But you were trashed. When I hurt you, I meant it and it was something that I put alot of effort into. When Nao told me about Shou, I realized that I'd gone way too far. Rumors, mind games and childish actions are one thing, actually having the galls to sleep with your boyfriend is something else all together, after all it didn't just affect you, it was his life I was messing with to and he was the innocent party in all of this."

Tora's thoughts swam around his head. Images of his memories dancing infront of his  eyes. The night that Shou cheated on him playing vividly, the pain he felt, the tears, him raising his fist to the younger, pushing him around, his actions were too much like his past and that made him want to throw up.

"Why do we do this to ourselves Saga?"

"Because humans crave destruction" The blonde sighed "We just don't know what's best for us"

"Look, Saga not to be funny or anything, but why did you come here. Did you just want to taunt me with images of the past, rip open old wounds?" Tora frowned, his heckles raising. He had no idea why he had let his guard down around him, but he'd snapped back to reality and his defenses were  up once more.

"No of course not" Saga retorted shaking his head "I recently realized that I need to reevaluate my life, what I do with it and what's important. That includes what happened between us. I want closure, I want to apologize and hope that maybe one day we'll bump into each other in the street and we'll be able to talk like old friends instead of trying to rip each other apart"

"But so much shit has happened, I don't know if it's possible to reconcile after all of this"

"Tora, I'm not asking you to pull me into the closet for a quick fumble" Saga snapped "I'm asking that we put aside or differences. If not for ourselves then for Nao"

"Nao?"

"Yes, Nao expressed his wishes to have the both of us at his and Hiroto's civil ceremony, since we're both his close friends, so I'd like to at least try to get along even if it's just for the ceremony"

Of course, it figured that Nao would want everyone who he found important there. Tora let out a heavy breath and got to his feet. The conflicting emotions he was feeling were so strong it was almost confusing. There was the underlining hate that surfaced everytime he even thought of Saga, the guilt and regret knowing that shit hit the fan by his own stupid mistakes as a teenager and then there was the desire to move on, to make up not only for Nao, but so that he could have one less problem in life.

"Fine, I'm willing to try and get along" He sighed "Under two conditions"

Saga cocked a brow "Which are?"

"One, you don't drag up the past again. I know I've done some fucking stupid shit that hurt both of us, but I've changed and I need to be able to move on without you haunting me with it"

"Alright, what else?"

The black haired male's demeanor seemed to change entirely, much more sure of himself and stern, apposed to the anguished filled eyes that he previously adorned.

"I want you to keep your distance from Shou, he's been driving himself crazy about what he did. Even seeing you will be a bad enough reminder, but if we're all going to be in the same room then I want to avoid making things more awkward"

"Okay, I'll make sure I'm invisible to him" Saga nodded as he rose to his feet. "I should get going, I don't want you to get in trouble for slacking off. I'll see you around Tora"

Without another word, or so much as a passing glance he turned and left. After taking a few moments to gather himself, he headed back to the office to continue his work. By the time he had gotten back to the desk, he suddenly didn't feel the urge to get his paper work finished. He just wanted to go home and see Shou, there was alot he needed to get off of his chest.

The day dragged on feeling like a year. He eventually clocked off and caught the tube home. His mind swarmed with bothersome thoughts.

Was this going to haunt him for the rest of his life? How would Shou react? Surely finding out that he was once an alcoholic drug addict who slept with random people and beat his lover black and blue would make Shou run a million miles away. Maybe that was his punishment. He really hoped for one last kiss, he really needed just a pinch of affection after such a long  day.

He was thankful that the lift was in working order that evening as he was sure that dragging his sorry ass up thirteen flights of stairs would be the poisonous cherry on top of the shit cake.

He entered the apartment feeling like someone had put a vice grip on his insides and was tightening it bit by bit. His shoes were neatly put on the stand and his bag hung up on it's hook before he let out a deep breath and walked towards the living room.

"Shou, there's something we need to.." He stopped upon seeing his lover curled up on the sofa fast asleep. Arms cuddling one of the cushions with Chickin coiled up in on his hip.

Tora sighed and padded over to them, crouching down to gently to stoke both of them on the head.

Chickin tilted towards Tora's hand, stretching his little arms out and pawing at the brunettes slightly exposed hip. Shou stirred, causing the kitten to fall into the space behind the sofa cushions and his ass.

"Baby, you're home" He smiled tiredly, rubbing at his eyes.

"Yeah, Sorry for waking you" Tora said quietly as he traced circles on the youngers hip.

Shou simply patted Tora's head "It's alright it's probably time I woke up anyway, don't wanna keep myself awake all night" He grinned "Though I'm sure you could come up with a way to tire me out"

He sat up, allowing Tora to sit on the sofa before laying back, resting his head on his lap and getting comfy.

"How was your day off then?"

"It was fun, I went shopping with Pon and Ruki and we went to a sweets cafe and ate too much cake, I brought some home for you" he said, pointing at a box on the table "I got you a present too, that's in the bedroom"

"Thank you Shou" Tora smiled, twirling a strand of the other's silky hair between slightly shaky fingers "Look baby, there's something I need to talk to you about"

Shou looked up at him with those big, innocent brown eyes that made him feel like was going to have a panic attack. There was no backing out now, his mind was racing.

The younger sensed that whatever it was, it was serious and sat up to face him properly.

"What is it?" He questioned making Tora bite his lips nervously.

"I don't really know how to say it" He fidgeted with the cushion's zip. "There's something that I've never spoken to you about, infact I've avoided even thinking about it for a few years. Until someone reminded about it."

He wondered why the room suddenly felt so hot, was the heating on or something?

"The thing is, I'm really scared that if I tell you, it'll be the end of us"

Shou's brow creased. The room fell silent  except for the sound of Chickin's tail tapping against the sofa.

"Well.." Shou began, averting his gaze for a moment before returning it to Tora "Before you continue, ask yourself three questions..... Was I directly involved in whatever it was? Would it destroy our relationship and the life we have now? and finally, is it really worth the risk telling me?"

The elder was stumped, he really didn't know what to say or what to do. Swallowing the lump in his throat.

"Honestly baby, you don't have to tell me. I'm not going to judge you weather you tell me or not. Just decided for yourself if it's important enough to do damage" He placed his hand on the others knee, giving him a small smile. "We've all done shit that we regret. But the past is the past, it doesn't need to ruin our future"

He was right, Tora thought. All of the hurt he'd caused Saga had been returned over the past years, he still felt guilty and the man that he now was hated the boy once had been.  But that was the thing, he had changed, he was a better person and would never let himself to go back to being that boy again. Thinking about it, did Shou really need to know? Was it vital to tell him? The look on Shou's face told him that it wasn't. They'd gotten this far, he had never laid a finger on Shou, even when he'd been at his most angry and raised his fist to him, he never actually hurt him. So it wasn't like he needed to warn him about his old violent spurt, because it didn't exist anymore.

He leaned over and pulled Shou into his arms, kissing him lovingly.

"How the fuck are you so understanding Shou?" He sighed, brushing his hands under Shou's shirt to caress the warm skin underneath.

"I just want us to be happy, I don't care if you're past is as bad as you think it is, I fell in love with who you are now so none of it matters to me"

Tora hesitated, biting his already chewed lips "Are you sure?" Shou didn't even need to vocalize, as he simply threaded his fingers through black hair and pressed his lips to Toras.

"The Tora of the past may be bothering you and trying to pull you into depression, but I won't let him" Shou said softly, resting his head on the elders shoulder "You're mine, and I'm not going to give you up with out a fight. So let go of him, let him fall into darkness and never think about him okay?"

Tora was speechless, he honestly hadn't expected this, he imagined that he'd be sleeping on the street that night, kicked to the curb. But instead he had the most beautiful lover glued to his side, reveling in blissful ignorance and turning a blind eye. He almost felt bad, but if Shou had no desire to know, the he had no desire to tell him.

Maybe he'd tell Chickin, y'know, just to get it off of his chest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Authors Notes- Finally managed to finish this bloody interlude *flops onto bed* Don't get me wrong, I quite enjoyed writing it, but it felt like forever and now I just want to get back to the main story. 
There you have it, Tora used to be a twat. Poor Saga. Although.. he did get his revenge against Tora, so nobody was a winner in this situation. 
I just want to explain that this is set over a few months so it moves rather fast and then shoots back to present day, so if you were confused about that I hope that's cleared it up.  I also want to deeply apologize if this is triggering for anyone, domestic violence is a touchy subject and I don't want to offend anyone or upset anyone. 
I'll try to update quicker next time, so thanks for being patient. Comments very welcome.