Please..
When he got the call from her best friend, he totally lost control of himself. He felt like his world was coming to an end, and there was no way out anymore. No way to save himself from the disaster that was coming upon him. He had his face in his hands, and his hands were dripping wet. He sat on the floor, leaning against the wall, because his legs were too weak to support him.
He didn’t know how long he stayed in that position. It was a situation that he didn’t want anyone to see him in. He was usually known as the person who had everything under control, the perfectionist who got everything done properly.
He only regained his senses when he found himself wrapping his arms around the person he needed to see the most at that moment. He cried his heart out. He wailed and howled. His back was crouched because he was taller, and he depended on her for support. But she didn’t budge from the moment she opened the door. She just let him crash onto her, and let him hold onto her as if she was his life support. Her hands were by her side. She didn’t react to his embrace. Her hand twitched as if it wanted to hug him back so desperately, to comfort him, to tell him that everything will be okay, but something in her prevented her hand from doing what it wanted.
His tears dried soon, and he regained his composure. He let go of her in an awkward manner, but not totally awkward. He was unable to believe that he had actually run all the way to her apartment. He knew deep in his heart that he wanted to see her, to tell her not to go, but if she was happy, then he would let her leave him. He would do anything for her happiness. He stared at her, taken aback by what he just did. He didn’t expect her to touch him; if she pushed him away, he would accept it, and leave. Just seeing her before she completely disappeared from his world entirely was good enough for him.
But he couldn’t move from where he was standing. Neither could he open his mouth to speak. It was as if his body was frozen. She stepped back from him. It was clear that she didn’t want to face him. She backed away until she reached her couch, and slumped on it. He thought she was looking downwards. He thought she was avoiding eye contact with him. But then he realized that she was looking right at him. Her hands were on her lap. Were his eyes seeing things? Was she gesturing for him to go over to him? It cannot be. She was already...
He found himself walking to her. He fell on the couch, and seeing her being so close to him, he couldn’t control his emotions again. He broke down again. Now that he was aware that she was next to him, he didn’t want to show her his crying face. He bent forwards and hid his face in his palms. His body felt weak again and he was about to collapse to the front when a hand pulled his t-shirt back. He fell on something soft. He pulled his hands apart and looked up to see her face looking down at hm. Her soft brown eyes, they were staring right into his wet eyes.
His head rested on her lap. He couldn’t do anything to stop her from seeing him in this horrible state. He closed his eyes, and tried to look away, but the tears continued to flow. He didn’t see how her hands reached for his face but retracted themselves within inches of it. She hated herself for having to do this to him. His tears were flowing because of her. All because...
When he buried his face into her stomach and wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, she was knocked out of her deep thoughts. Having him so close to her, and him touching her again, it made her insides fire up. Her buried emotions and passion for him resurfaced. All those repressed feelings came back. She saw him hugging her tightly while shedding tears.
His fingers pressed harder onto her skin. He needed her the most right now. He needed to hold her and tell her that he didn’t want her to go, that he wanted her with him. She felt his desperation. She felt all that he wanted of her. Her hands naturally reached for his face that was so near to her. She brushed away the strands of hair covering the face that he didn’t want to show her. She touched his moist skin and felt the sadness and emptiness contained in his never-ending tears.
He felt her wiping away his crystal-like tears from his eyes. He slowly opened his eyes and saw her gazing longingly at him. What was this sudden change of character? Wasn’t she so intent of pushing him aside two weeks ago? She was the one who wanted to call it quits. The fact that she had opened the door for him was a miracle to him. He didn’t care what or how she felt right now. He had to say it to her, or he’d be suffering even more.
“Please... don’t go... don’t... leave me...” He said in a very soft and shaky voice.
Her fingers stopped dancing on his skin. She went all rigid. He didn’t want to look at her. He had anticipated the answer that he didn’t want to hear. He had better leave before she managed to say it. He didn’t notice how she stared at him when he released her, got up and turned to leave. He walked towards the door, oblivious to a faint sobbing.
He was grabbed from the back. He couldn’t move because something was pulling him back. He widened his eyes and saw a pair of arms around his torso reaching up to his shoulders. He couldn’t believe his eyes. She was... trying to make him stay? She didn’t want him to leave? But... why?
He knew he had to go. He had to take in the sorrow and emptiness for Mao’s sake, for her own happiness. But a part of him didn’t want to leave, especially when he was held back like this. He didn’t want to face her, because he knew that if he did, he would burst into tears again.
“Jun! Don’t... please don’t... don’t leave me!! I need you, and I want you!” He couldn’t believe the words that he just heard. Was he dreaming? Were these words coming out from the mouth of the person who left him two months ago? He tried to walk away, but those hands pulled him back once again. They encircled his waist even tighter. Those arms, they felt strong, but deep down, he knew that they were fragile. Very fragile.
“I will go, and let you forget me, and one day you won’t remember anything at all about our times together, our...” He couldn’t continue his sentence. The words wouldn’t materialize. They disappeared in his throat. His heart hurt so much. It felt like his heart was being ripped apart with every word he said. Those hands fell to his waist and lessened their grip. The energy from her hands faded away as she let him go reluctantly. She too, was not able to endure the pain and the poison from his words.
But he didn’t move when she let him go completely. She fell to her knees and buried her face in her hands. She wailed in sadness, and her tears dripped to the floor beneath her. It was over. Even if she wanted to tell him that it was a lie, that she wanted so much to hug him again, it was too late. She felt as if her world had ended. She faded into the darkness of despair. Then, she saw light. She felt warmth. Two arms enveloped her and knocked her backwards. She felt his cheek touching hers. But he wasn’t facing her yet.
“Could you... say that again... for me?” His voice was shaky, but she could feel his desperation, his desperation for her, and how much he needed her in that soft and weak voice of his.
He closed his eyes, waiting for her to say it again. It was all he needed to hear, to confirm that he wasn’t hearing things. His heart was on the verge of collapsing and breaking into pieces. That was the only thing that could repair his heart. His fragile fingers were beneath her body, and his body was lying on top of hers. If she didn’t say it quickly enough, he was certain that the bones in his fingers would crumble into fine powder.
She was overwhelmed by his actions. It was all she needed. His embrace could give her strength to tell him that she wanted him back. She felt his tense body on top of hers. She was suffocating, not because he was too heavy, but because he was here, so close to her, and she was unable to control her emotions.
He was about to give way. She wasn’t going to say it. But he didn’t want to let go of her. Even if he knew she was going to push him away, he would face the bitterness of it later. For now, he just wanted to think to himself that she was in his arms. His eyes remained closed as he hoped that time could freeze and never move again.
“Don’t go, Jun... I want you, I need you, Jun. You’re... the only one whom I will ever yearn for.”
She said it. His eyes darted open. He got up, still unable to believe what he heard. He looked right into her soft eyes. But everything did not make sense to him. He was still confused. He was afraid to hold her, even when they were sitting next to each other, so close, afraid that she would shake his hands away. He was so fragile that a simple rejection could break him to pieces.
Her head fell forwards. Jun caught her in his arms. His arms felt weak, but as they hugged her tighter, she felt every little strength left in his body, the strength that was only enough to hold her close to him. She buried her face into his chest and tugged at his t-shirt. She needed him right now. But she didn’t know how to pour the truth to him. Right now, only sobs escaped her mouth.
His heart started to beat faster. She was crying to him. And just a moment ago, he was crying to her although she didn’t wrap her arms around him at that time. He really couldn’t comprehend what was going on. The only thing he could do was to hold her tight. That was the only thing he could manage when she showed her weak self to him, and he himself was very fragile at this moment.
He found his hands moving up from her back to her hair. He started to stroke her head, to comfort her, to let her know that he was there and everything would be okay. But he himself wasn’t okay. Just a word too harsh from her could make him the one crying. He wanted to wipe her tears away, to look into her eyes and tell her that he won’t leave her side. But he knew that he would break down himself the moment their eyes locked, and he couldn’t guarantee that he could stay by her side forever because he was the one who was left behind by her.
He needed to say it, to let out the source of his despair.
“Mao-chan... Sho told me that you were leaving. I... couldn’t take it. It was too much for me to handle. But I don’t want us to say goodbye like this. I don’t know if I can see you again... I don’t know if...”
As he said those words, tears welled in his eyes. His speech became distorted. Again, he couldn’t finish his sentence. He wished that he didn’t have to say it; he couldn’t bear to say it. But he would regret it for his whole life if he missed his chance to say goodbye to her. He buried his head in her shoulders, unable to contain himself anymore.
“I’m not leaving you, Jun. I won’t leave you ever again. I...”
Her voice was soft and sweet although she was crying. And that tone of her voice was only audible to his ears. A ray of hope shone. But he didn’t want to feel disappointed again. He didn’t want to look at her to find that he had misunderstood the meaning in her words. If this was a dream, he didn’t want to wake up. He would rather be in deep sleep for the rest of his life.
But, maybe he could take a chance this time. Maybe he could believe that what she said was true. He would take the risk that could cost him his life. He had no choice. Either way, it would still be hell for him. He didn’t know what was worse - to die of despair of not knowing why she wanted her to stay, or to die of waking up from an illusion to receive her rejection. He felt his lips part and he mumbled a few words that would decide his fate.
“You won’t leave me?”
She took his face into her hands and looked straight into his eyes.
He shivered. He was nervous at the change in her. He didn’t want to hear that there was another story behind her words. He feared that she said it out of sympathy, and that she didn’t mean it at all. Before she could tell him anything else, Jun got his courage ready to ask her all the unanswered questions. Even if he would receive answers that would shatter him, he was ready to accept it. He was forced to face her now, and he will do it.
“How can you stay with me when you’re engaged? And you’ll be leaving for New York in two days! How can you tell me that you’ll stay by my side? You told me that we can’t be together. You told me that you had to leave me, and you would try to forget me. You told me to forget you, no matter how hard it is. But I couldn’t do it. Every day, I could only think of you. I want to hit myself for loving someone who has probably moved on. But there was nothing I could do. Even coming to you today, I don’t know how I got here, but I know it was foolish. I...”
He was stopped by a pair of lips touching his own lips. That sensation... it felt no different from the times they had kissed in the past. She kissed him softly but he was too shocked to respond.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying here, by your side. I won’t leave you anymore. Even if you want to dump me, I’ll be clinging on to you. Everything... was a lie. I never did anything to wrong you. It’s just... I was foolish at that time.”
Jun recovered some of his strength from those words and managed to brush the strands of hair covering her face. He was still unable to believe what she said. Even if he had a million questions that started with ‘why’, he was too happy. Was everything just a misunderstanding? Were they... could they get back together again?
But he needed to know why she tried so hard to leave him that day. He still remembered every detail, every little thing that she said. It pierced his heart, he felt like he could have just died there and then if he hadn’t ran away.
“Then, why did you leave me that day? Why...?” Jun started to tear up again.
Mao cupped his face in her hands and pressed her face closer to his.
“I just thought... I thought that being together with you, although we were happy, but it caused us a lot of suffering. I didn’t want you to suffer any more , so I...”
As Mao’s voice got shaky, Jun started to stare intensely at her. He finally understood everything. He knew that it was her wavering thoughts. She was afraid that they wouldn’t have a happy ending and thus wanted to end it early. He pulled her closer to him, and kissed the back of her head. His tears still flowed down his cheeks but they would disappear soon enough.
He gazed into her eyes again and wiped her tears away, making her face dry again. And then with the most serious expression, he said,“I loved you all this while. You never left my heart even once.”
Mao felt happy to hear that. She was happy to know that inside Jun’s heart was exactly the same as how she felt deep inside. Her cold heart felt warmth radiating into it once again, and she knew that a similar feeling washed over Jun’s heart too.
“I’m sorry, Jun. I’m sorry for hurting you. I don’t dare to ask for your forgiveness but I want you to know that I never stopped loving you.”
A wave of relief washed over the both of them.
Jun took her hand and pulled her to the couch. He sat down next to her and pulled her closer to him. No words could describe how he felt right now. He felt more than happy to be able to hold her in his arms, to kiss her endlessly.
warning: smut starts somewhere here~ skip to the last paragraph if you do not like smut :)
Jun pulled Mao on top of him, and she held on to him tightly while giving in to his overly passionate kisses. She moaned against his lips as she devoted every bit of strength left in her body to kiss him back. He pressed his warm fingers harder onto her body. He wasn’t violent or rough with his kisses, but she could sense the longing and desperation in them. His lips were soft, as they always were. And so were his kisses. He was never rough with her; he always touched her like she was a precious diamond, as if he was careful not to hurt her if he got too aggressive. She could feel how much he wanted her with every deep kiss he gave her.
Jun pushed her body to the side as he panted. Mao wanted to get back on top of him so that he could continue kissing her. She still wanted to taste him, to knot her tongue with his. But she realized that he was slightly tired. It was definitely an exhausting night.
With one swift movement, Jun twisted his body and she was beneath him. His lips met her shoulder and moved swiftly on her pale skin. His fingers were trailing her neck, feeling every inch of her skin. Mao’s fingers moved under his t-shirt, as if looking for something on his warm skin. Jun groaned when he felt her fingers dancing on his skin. As she began to move faster, his t-shirt started to reveal his bare skin. He reached for his t-shirt and pulled it off his body. She marvelled at the sight of Jun’s flawless body and admired his toned muscles. He stretched his neck to reach the other side of her neck. Jun held Mao’s arm down and began to suck at her neck.
Mao felt the warmth of Jun’s skin biting into her body. She was unable to resist his charms. After everything that happened before was forgotten, the both of them seemed to be indulging in their senses. In all the passion that was taking over their bodies, they soon found themselves to be completely naked, exposing their bodies to each other, showing each flaw they had. Jun gazed at Mao for a moment before taking her in again.
His lips crushed onto Mao’s and forced its way in. At the same time, his hips grazed her thighs and he thrusted inside her. She moaned in pain but Jun kissed her harder to make her forget the pain. He moved slower to ease her pain but she seemed to be unable to take it. It was her first time, and she wasn’t used to it. Jun felt gratification as he went in but he wanted Mao to feel the same way as he did. He moved his hands to her face and stroked her cheeks gently to let her know that it would be over soon.
Scratch marks were visible on Jun’s back by the time the ordeal was over. Both Mao and Jun were panting as they enveloped each other with the warmth of their bodies. Mao recalled how great it felt when Jun was moving inside her. She had yelled his name countless times while he sucked at her breasts. She could never forget the moment when he reached the right part inside her. She never knew this feeling before. He was really impressive to be able to please her senses to the fullest at two regions at once. Jun was now lying on her shoulder, breathing on her skin. Mao placed her hands on Jun’s back as he draped his arms around her bare body.
The tired grins on their faces faded slowly as their eyes closed to retire for the day, the day that they became part of each other, and the day that they vowed never to leave each other again.
-end-
How was it? Did I overdo the angst for your soul? XP
I'd like to know what you guys think of this one, because I am actually very satisfied with this piece of work!
comments, feedback, and opinions are greatly appreciated, ne :)
PS:
KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~!!!!!!!!!!! JUN AND A PUP AGAIN! Jun really does murder me with his gorgeousness AND cuteness!
The cm is pure winnnnnn!!!