(no subject)
I meant to post about this ages ago because a discussion on someone else's journal prompted me.
I absolutely hate the following conversation:
Someone I don't know: Where are you from?
Me: Cambridge
SIDK: But where are you really from?
Me: I was born in Newmarket. Does that help?
SIDK: But where were your parents born?
Me: My mother was born in Nairobi, my father was born near lake Victoria.
SIDK: But where were your grandparents born?
Me: Two were born in Nairobi, one in Mombasa and one near lake Victoria.
SIDK: But where were your great grandparents born?
Me: Gujarat
SIDK: So, you're from India!
Me: Um, no.
I hate it for various reasons:
1. It's dishonest. The person isn't interested in where I'm from, they're interested in why I'm not white.
2. It's refusing to take my opinion on where I'm from as being where I'm from, instead assuming that where my great grandparents were born is more important as a factor in 'where I'm from' than, y'know, where I'm from.
3. It's awfully personal. I don't think demanding the details of someone's ancestry when you've just met them is polite.
4. It's boring. I don't especially want to have a discussion about my birthplace, my parents' birthplaces, my grandparents' birthplaces, and my great grandparents' birthplaces with someone I've just met. I'm not interested in discussing it and I think it's rude that the other person is ignoring my cues in terms of body language and tone and continuing to discuss it.
5. It shows that the first thing that a scarily large number of people think when they meet someone who isn't white is 'where are they from?' I don't see why it matters. I don't see why they can't just talk to me about the sorts of stuff they would talk to a white person about.
I'm interested in the family backgrounds of my friends, I understand that they'll be interested in mine, and I don't object to people who know me asking about mine. But, when it comes from strangers who clearly aren't interested in where I'm from but, rather, in where my great-grandparents are from so that they can satisfactorily classify me as 'Indian' when I've been there once for three weeks, I find it offensive.
I honestly think most non-white people find this sort of conversation offensive too. Or, at the very least, tedious. I don't think I've ever discussed this with a non-white person who hasn't rolled their eyes and said, 'yeah, I hate that too.'
I remember from the discussion elswhere that a certain number of people didn't realise that it was something that people find offensive ranging to tedious. So, in a sense, this is a public service announcement: if you meet someone who isn't white, even if you're fascinated to hear why they're not white, please consider not asking them and, if you do, watch for their body language and tone and back off if you get the impression that they don't really want to talk about it.
I love it when I meet people who ask where I'm from, listen to my answer and say something Cambridge-related. I know a lot more about Cambridge than India. Cos, y'know, it is where I'm from.
I absolutely hate the following conversation:
Someone I don't know: Where are you from?
Me: Cambridge
SIDK: But where are you really from?
Me: I was born in Newmarket. Does that help?
SIDK: But where were your parents born?
Me: My mother was born in Nairobi, my father was born near lake Victoria.
SIDK: But where were your grandparents born?
Me: Two were born in Nairobi, one in Mombasa and one near lake Victoria.
SIDK: But where were your great grandparents born?
Me: Gujarat
SIDK: So, you're from India!
Me: Um, no.
I hate it for various reasons:
1. It's dishonest. The person isn't interested in where I'm from, they're interested in why I'm not white.
2. It's refusing to take my opinion on where I'm from as being where I'm from, instead assuming that where my great grandparents were born is more important as a factor in 'where I'm from' than, y'know, where I'm from.
3. It's awfully personal. I don't think demanding the details of someone's ancestry when you've just met them is polite.
4. It's boring. I don't especially want to have a discussion about my birthplace, my parents' birthplaces, my grandparents' birthplaces, and my great grandparents' birthplaces with someone I've just met. I'm not interested in discussing it and I think it's rude that the other person is ignoring my cues in terms of body language and tone and continuing to discuss it.
5. It shows that the first thing that a scarily large number of people think when they meet someone who isn't white is 'where are they from?' I don't see why it matters. I don't see why they can't just talk to me about the sorts of stuff they would talk to a white person about.
I'm interested in the family backgrounds of my friends, I understand that they'll be interested in mine, and I don't object to people who know me asking about mine. But, when it comes from strangers who clearly aren't interested in where I'm from but, rather, in where my great-grandparents are from so that they can satisfactorily classify me as 'Indian' when I've been there once for three weeks, I find it offensive.
I honestly think most non-white people find this sort of conversation offensive too. Or, at the very least, tedious. I don't think I've ever discussed this with a non-white person who hasn't rolled their eyes and said, 'yeah, I hate that too.'
I remember from the discussion elswhere that a certain number of people didn't realise that it was something that people find offensive ranging to tedious. So, in a sense, this is a public service announcement: if you meet someone who isn't white, even if you're fascinated to hear why they're not white, please consider not asking them and, if you do, watch for their body language and tone and back off if you get the impression that they don't really want to talk about it.
I love it when I meet people who ask where I'm from, listen to my answer and say something Cambridge-related. I know a lot more about Cambridge than India. Cos, y'know, it is where I'm from.