(no subject)
Let's start back in December. I had been having a lot of problems at the time, working full time during holiday season, training my whole staff as well as my district manager to what was going on, and breaking up with Steven mid-month and then the continuing fights after we got back together didn't help too much either. His heart was still having problems, i had to get a new car since the other one was totaled, and everything was just so stressful.
And then there was New Years eve. Steven broke up with me while i was at work via phone, and i knew that that time wouldn't be like the rest where we got back together the next day. I sat in the backroom of the store on the floor, bawling my eyes out. My coworkers had to clock me out because i wasn't able to do anything. They didn't let me go home that night either. Colt had driven me to work, and refused to take me home. I layed in his bed crying while he, his girlfriend and Tim sat outside drinking and lighting off fireworks. I finally begged Tim to drive me home around 5am.
Things got much worse when i got home. My family thought i tried to kill myself because of Steven, but this isn't true. He was just the breaking point of something that had been going on for much longer. I honestly can't say how many pills i took, i just kept shoveling them into my mouth and swallowing. I tried to fall asleep but my heart kept racing. I swore it was going to break through my chest from how hard it was pounding. It was so bad that i swore i've never felt physically worse in my entire life. I would soon be corrected with that.. Realizing i wouldn't fall asleep, i got up, and then threw up. It was now nearing 7am, and my dad heard me. He asked what was wrong. I don't remember that morning too clearly now, but i know i told him i had overdosed. I don't remember him saying anything, but he told me mom, got me in the car, and drove me to the hospital.
I was admitted into emergency where they made me take off everything. My clothes, my underwear, every last piece of jewelry on me. They watched me while i peed. There was a cop outside my door making sure i wouldn't try to make a run for it. My mom showed up and i had to watch her cry...and then i couldn't stop crying.
Then there was the liquid charcoal. The large cups full of black, thick, gritty, liquid charcoal that they made me drink. This was my new worst physical feeling ever. Every time i forced 3 quarters of the cup down, all of it came back up. And then the nurse would make me do it again, telling me i wasn't trying hard enough. 5 bags of black puke later, they tried the liquid sulfur. That worked just about as well as the charcoal. Then they kicked my parents out of the room... i soon realized why as they shoved the large plastic tube into my nose, down my throat, and into my stomach. I never screamed and cried louder in my life. My dad tried to get back into the room because he thought they were killing me. This was the real worst feeling i've ever experianced. And when they pumped the liquid charcoal and sulfur through the tube, it came right back up again. This time, i got to gag on the tube in my throat as well.
I then got moved to the ICU. I was hooked up to one of those posts with the dripping saline solution, there was a blood IV in my arm, a heart monitor, and in 4 other places. My parents played tag team each coming to see me once or twice a day. My brother came by with my DS and ipod. I texted Steven telling him i was ok, but at the hospital. He left work and was by my side a half hour later. And then i got to watch him cry, and realize that we weren't back together. They took my blood every 4 hours to check how much the levels were dropping. They pumped the sulfur through the tube every 4 hours. I finally stopped throwing up. The nurses hated me cause they would come fast enough when i called and i would unplug all the wires and machines to go to the bathroom myself.
Then the shrink came to asses me to see if i had to go to the psych ward or not. I've heard so many completely terrible things about university pavilion that i lied my ass off to not have to go. I told him it was a stupid mistake. I answered everything optimistically. I told him Steven and i were still together. To everyones surprise, it worked.
On the 3rd day i was moved to the CCU, next to an old crappy, but interesting old lady. Colt, Tim and Matt were with me more than anyone else. It didn't take them long to realize what had happened. Chris came twice hearing through someone at gamestop. And Marc & Kelly came together even though they were both queezy at the thought of hospitals, and the tube into my stomach didn't help. Two days later, they let me eat. They took the tube out (which felt like what i would imagine throwing up chunks of plastic would feel like) And I finally got to go home.
When i got home, things weren't much different. I thought about better ways to kill myself, but i was too scared to end up in that situation again. I couldn't bare to see my parents that way again though. I contracted a stomach virus via my mom from the time i got out, and the worse one i've ever had at that. For another 4 days, all i could drink was gingerale. I dropped to 82 pounds by the end of that.
I was given a new shrink, which i talked about in my last post, and hung out with the guys a lot. Work got better, school was ok, but weeks went on between Steven and i talking, until one night when i figured he had already moved on, he called. Turns out he had gotten a new phone and lost my number. We talked for a little. He started to call once a day to make sure things were good. And then he got sick and his heart was having a lot of problems again, so i went by a few days a week to make sure he was ok. Eventually, he told me how much hes missed me, but knew we couldn't just get back together. So we talked everything out. I told him everything he would have to change, and if he could do that, then we could get back together. But if we broke up again, that would be it.
So we got back together. And since my shrink said i should be home as little as possible, i started to stay by his house. And things between us were great. We had our 1 year anniversary in march, and he got me a brand new really pretty diamond ring since i had him return the last one he got me when we broke up. Everything was strait.
And then i got fired from gamestop. The whole story is pretty stupid. Some stupid kid hitting on me. Me leaving for 2 minuets, and 2 kids cornering and distracting Chris while the 3rd (the one that was hitting on me) went in our backroom and stole 2 ps3s. Seeing the kid walking with the system, and calling mall security and them not doing anything. 5 other stores in our district getting robbed, but me being the only fired since i was the only one that left the store. 4 managers and my DM fighting for me to get to keep my job, but still not doing anything. 3 years of that place, done. I was so upset.
Robb, a past asm, heard what happened and hooked me up with a job at the coral springs animal hospital. Thats where i work now. It was cool at first, but now i'm having second thoughts. I have to wake up for work at 5, 6, or 7am depending on my shift. I then work 11 hour shift every day, and its not easy. Theres so much to learn, and i'm realizing how hard it is to please people there. Something i never had to worry about at gamestop. Now i never have time to go out, and im constantly exausted and i hate it.
The few friends i still have, i don't get to see. The occasional thing i want to do, i can't cause i'm constantly working all day, and the schedules are made a month and a half in advance and are hard to change or plan around. I need the money cause i'm paying off my hospital bill as well as my shrink every week. Then gas, insurance, phone, food, and basic necessities. I'm not very sick, and called out for the first time at this new job. All i can do is look forward to things, like Canada to see my grandma at the end of the month. My cousin Andy's wedding in New york in June. Going to California with just Steven for 2 weeks in July, and New York again in August for my cousin Shorab's wedding. At least my family will always be there.
So yeah... that's about everything that's happened in the past few months. I'm not taking summer classes, so i'll be working more at my second job when i'm not at the animal hospital. I'm still going to the gym twice a week, now doing the classes with my aunt cause she doesn't want to go alone. I saw 311 after winning tickets to one day of sunfest on wednesday cause i got out of the office early, that was actually cool. Hadeyahs coming the end of this month and i can't wait to see her. I can no longer have colored hair cause of my new job and that's pretty depressing. "normal" colored hair for the first time in 7 years. Uhmm, yeah. bye