Hikusaak/Sasarai: A Crossroads
A few months ago, Hikusaak would have ordered tea be brought up to his quarters by a servant he would barely notice, but snap at for the slightest infraction. But that was then, and now the High Bishop of Harmonia hummed as he busied himself in the recently-restocked larders of his quarter, making tea for Sasarai. The larders, which had been for a very long time neat and orderly, with no signs of a mess anywhere, but it did not look so well-kept now. After centuries of being completely dependent on others, the larders...and the entirety of Hikusaak's quarters himself...did not look nearly so neat. No more servants kept the quarters tidy. Hikusaak looked after everything himself. He was through being waited on hand and foot.
But it was hard teaching himself to cook again, and to put his clothes away neatly and to tidy up after himself. He'd gotten quite out of these habits, and it was high-time he relearned them.
He finished preparing the tea, and then, picking up the tray he had set the tea set on, took it into the main room, sat down, and, still humming, awaited Sasarai.
Crystal Valley denizens--first class citizens and third class slaves alike--stared as a Harmonian Bishop headed down the street in a brisk walk, unaccompanied. A strange sight, a man of such importance traveling alone, at least in broad daylight, where everyone could see him. However, he ignored their stares and continued down the road to the Circle Palace; only a moment later, the guards allowed him passage and he disappeared inside. Whatever it was must have been urgent business, they concluded.
The truth was, Sasarai did not know what Hikusaak wanted with him. Since he received his recall, he had been dreading this day. Was this the day the High Bishop would finally exert his power over him, ordering him to wage war against the seer?
Or would he instead destroy his creation, reap his rune, and start anew?
He could only guess.
Suppressing his fear under a mask, he knocked on the door.
"Come in, Sasarai." Hikusaak called from the other side of the door. "And do forgive the mess."
He turned the handle, and the door opened. Slowly, he entered, smiling in his most pleasant manner, then bowed to Hikusaak deeply; afterwards, he glanced around the room, not turning his head away from the High Bishop.
Hikusaak rose to greet Sasarai as he entered. "It is good to see you again." He smiled warmly. "Come, sit, sit." He motioned to the chairs, and then moved to sit in one of the chairs. "I trust your trip back from Dunan was uneventful?" He paused to look at Sasarai. His demeanour seemed friendly, but Hikusaak could see Sasarai was tense. "Relax, Sasarai." He said. "You are not in any sort of trouble."
After clicking the door shut, he joined Hikusaak, sitting in the chair near the High Bishop's and putting his hands in his lap. "I thought for a moment that perhaps Luca Blight would choose to give chase, but it seems he thought better of it," he said calmly, nonchalant. "He was rather angry with our withdrawal." If he had heard the rest of it, he did not react to it.
Hikusaak nodded. "Yes, I spoke with him over the books...he was quite incensed about the withdrawal, even with all my assurances that the war was already his, but in the end, he simply insulted me and was done with it." He paused to sip his tea. "I was prepared to send another legion out to your position, if necessary, however."
He put his teacup and saucer down on a table, leaned back in his chair for a moment, and then sighed. "...Sasarai...there's something I must ask of you."
"I see." Sasarai picked his teacup up and took a long sip of it. "Fortunately, it wasn't necessary. He wouldn't have wished to chase us into Harmonia. From there, he wouldn't have stood a chance."
He unconsciously stiffened slightly. Whatever it was, this would be it. "What is it, Your Holiness?"
Hikusaak was silent for a moment, and then looked at Sasarai straight in the eye. "...I want to ask your forgiveness, Sasarai. I've done you a great many wrongs. You and Luc both. I've used you for my own ends, and never even once, in all my foolish plans, considered your feelings." He rested his forehead in the palm of his hand. "You must truly hate me, and I honestly cannot blame you for it."
The Bishop looked away, then bowed his head, squeezing his eyes shut. He suddenly felt a chill coming from within.
"Yes."
Hikusaak looked up at Sasarai's one-word reply. He...wasn't sure what he meant by it. "...Sasarai?" He asked, quietly.
A pause passed without the younger man saying a word. "Yes," he repeated afterwards as he set his teacup down and stood up. When he finally looked down to Hikusaak, his expression remained docile, but his eyes were filled with cold anger.
"Do you have any idea what you have done? Do you have even the slightest clue?" A hint of fury seeped into his calm voice. "You...why did I ever believe in you? You told them all everything, didn't you? About who I was supposed to become? How to make me into what you wanted--someone blindly loyal who'd never leave you the way Luc did? Is that what you wanted? They weren't real and they told me who they were. This," he raised his right hand, "he never passed it onto me...they never existed!" His arm lowered again, and his posture tensed, his shoulders rigid. "Luc showed me it, he showed me myself, and that's more than you've ever done for me! Ever since all of this happened, you call me your son...but you're not my father. I don't have a father. I don't have anything.
"I'm not even human. You're my creator. You're the reason I exist.
"And I hate you for it."
Hikusaak said nothing as Sasarai told the High Bishop exactly what he thought of him. He merely bowed his head and closed his eyes.
When Sasarai was finished, Hikusaak remained silent for a moment. "...You are right to hate me, Sasarai." He said, finally. He rose, and walked over to a mirror that hung on the wall. "I hate myself." And his voice began to break down. "I hate what I have become, what I have done, what I intended to do...I let that accursed rune control me, and I never even fought against its influence. I never even once tried to stop myself from succumbing to it. I should have, and I did not."
He turned around to face Sasarai. "I will not hide behind the Circle Rune to excuse my actions, to you, or anyone else. I have only myself to blame for what I have done over the centuries." He sighed, and walked back to the chair, and sat down.
"...To that end, I am going to attempt to make amends for everything I've ever done to you."
Though he remained upright, Sasarai struggled with it; everything in him seemed to want to collapse. His breathing came out in gasps. Even during this, though, he never took his eyes off his creator, controlled rage clear on his face.
When the High Bishop finished, he forced himself to straighten, raising his eyebrows. "How can you possibly hope to make amends for this?" he spat.
"Perhaps I cannot ever truly make amends." Hikusaak admitted. "But this is what I am going to do. If you wish it, I will relieve you of your station as Bishop, and all the duties that accompany it. I will make no further demands of you, and we need never speak again. You may go wherever you wish, do whatever you want. Have an actual life, free of my influence. I extend the same offer to General Dios, as I know he is a loyal friend to you, and there is nothing to keep him in Harmonia if you leave."
He paused a moment to consider. "I will also give whatever you require to leave Harmonia. A horse, supplies, potch...name it, and it is yours."
A pause. He stood in stunned silence, his eyes widening. He did not know what to think of this development.
"I would like time to consider it, if at all possible."
Hikusaak nodded. "Take as much time as you need, Sasarai."
"If you've nothing else to say...?" As desperately as he wanted to leave, he avoided making anxious glances to the door, and in fact did not look at it at all, instead giving steady eye contact to Hikusaak.
Hikusaak nodded. "One thing more." He said, calmly. "I am glad...that despite everything I did...despite everything that has happened in your life...that you became a good person regardless. You are a far better man than I, Sasarai."
He was silent for a moment, and then sniffed suddenly and looked to one side, his hand reaching up to rub his nose. "That...that is all, Sasarai."
The Bishop did not know what to say about this. Whether it was true or not, he could not say for certain, but he tried to be the best man he could be. Even if no one else understood that his actions were for the best. It had not been for anyone else's sake but his own.
"I understand," he simply said. "Good day, Your Holiness." After sketching a bow, he turned away from Hikusaak, opened the door, and left the room, shutting the door behind him.
Hikusaak watched Sasarai go, then put his face in his hand.
Maybe he couldn't ever fully atone for everything he had done...and if he ever returned to the real world, he would become the monster he had been.
But if he could make things right, here, prove that he could become the person he once was...then maybe all hope for him wasn't lost in the real world.