festival theatre

[shuntbumps]

I was trying to change the world
because a different world
would mean a different me
I failed
I was wrong
I'm still the same
and I hate hate hate it
and I hate hate hate
you
and us
and me.

I loved sitting in the grass
with you behind
the festival theatre.

I liked sitting with you
behind the festival theatre
and smoking pot
and eating candy bars
while the crow in the dead tree screamed at me
you are wrong wrong wrong
but when I sat with you I could almost forget
what I was
and just be your friend
and it was warm
and summer safe
and I miss it and you.

I wonder if anyone goes back there now.
Some teenage couple coupling
leaving latex reminders, a shrine
to innocence lost.

Discarded like skin grown worn and ragged.

I built a shrine in my head
to what I felt I should be
I could never figure out
who you thought I was.

I wanted to go back and see
what it was like there now
(what you were like now)
but I was afraid of finding
it was the same
(you were the same)
and that the ghost of us was waiting
for me to come back
and stay.

or maybe there would be nothing at all
and somehow that seems
worse.