Circles - Part 1 - ReitaxRuki
Title: Circles
Author: shurikenwielder
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em
Chapter: Part 1
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Character death
Pairing: ReitaxRuki, ReitaxUruha
Genre: Drama, Angst
Summary: What if I believe you now? Could it ever change this harrow? Would we ever stop chasing each other in these endless circles?
- -
Can I tell you a story?
In all truth I shouldn't even be here right now to tell you. It should have never been me. I've done nothing to earn these extra years to my life, but my selfishness got in the way as it always does.
So within these pages I hope you can understand why I must leave you all now. But please don't think I wanted to. I love all of you so dearly. You've helped me become the man I am today and for that I give my last thank you.
- -
January 29, 2003
I left him again. Reita I mean.
But I couldn't help myself. He had been so distant lately; staying out late, avoiding conversation. I thought he was about to break up with me so I left before he could say those cruel unforgiving words. But something had been stopping me. That is until I walked in on them. Reita and Uruha.
I had to leave a lot of my possessions behind though, only packing a few changes of clothes and a little food and water. Reita had been desperately calling for me while I furiously packed my clothes in a whirlwind.
'Ruki please,' he had said, clearly near tears. 'I'm sorry. I still love you. You know that.'
'Do I?' I had sneered back and stormed out of the apartment.
I've been sitting in the same alley for almost six hours now. The frostbitten air nips at my cheeks, tinting them pink. Perhaps I'll find the strength to move soon. Or maybe I'll just lie here and wait for the cold to take me away.
- Your's
Ruki
Ruki closed his diary with a sigh and put it back into his bag. He leaned his head back, allowing the freezing cold rain to fall onto his face. He wasn't sure when the droplets soon changed to mixing with his hot tears.
It didn't matter how mad he tried to be at Reita. No matter what his lover did Ruki knew he would end up forgiving him in the end.
"Kami-sama why do I do this to myself?" he whispered to himself. The image of those two in the bed kept replaying in his mind, torturing him. The sound of flesh smacking against flesh, the pants and whispered moans of names as the bedpost smacked against the wall, it all tore Ruki up from the inside and out. But not as much as the realization that Reita had chose it. He could have so easily said no, pushed Uruha away, but he had given in to the temptation. That's what hurt him the most. The fact the Reita knew it would hurt him and chose it anyway.
He stared at the moon in deep thought as he finally decided. "I won't do this to myself anymore," he said. He wouldn't forgive him. He wouldn't believe him. He had given the other plenty of chances, and he had only stepped on his heart in return. A bitter laugh passed over his chapped lips. That was, if he even had a heart anymore. Because in all actuality, he didn't know. He only felt a void of emptiness, no anger, no sorrow, no not even his love that he had held onto all these years.
"Ruki?" a frail voice called hesitantly from behind him.
Ruki simply continued to stare at the sky, idly counting the stars.
"Ruki please…" the other continued to beg him desperately. "I-I don't know what came over me. I don't care about Uruha, all I need is you."
What if I believe you now? Will things go back to normal for a few months and then you'll cheat on me again? What would happen Reita?"
"What would you do different?" he finally asked and turned towards his lover. "What would you do different Reita?"
Reita shivered under the other's piercing gaze. Those weren't the cheerful caramel brown orbs he was used to seeing. These eyes were almost black, hard. He had never meant to make his lover's eyes so empty.
"I-I… I don't know," he quickly averted his gaze as the other's look became more fierce. "I don't know Ruki, but… I'll do anything you want me to. Anything."
He looked up as the other suddenly laughed at him dryly.
"I don't believe you."
"I'll start all over from the beginning. From our first date. It'll be all different."
"Still don't believe you."
Reita let a hiccup as tears began to stream from his eyes. His lover was never this distant. He knew he had done permanent damage this time. He fell to his knees and continued to beg and plead. "Please Ruki. I'll do everything different. Just…" he paused to take a few shuddering breaths. "Just please, come back to me. Please…"
"I don't believe you Reita," Ruki watched as the other suddenly turned heartbroken before continuing his sentence. "But I'll give you a chance."
"Huh?" Reita looked back up in shock through his tears. "Y-you will?" his heart immediately began to beat in relief and happiness again. "Thank you-"
"This is your last chance though. I'll be gone as soon as you mess up," Ruki quickly added sternly, not letting the other get too excited.
"Thank you Ruki…" the other continued thank despite the warning. "I won't do anything to hurt you ever again. I promise…"
- -
January 30, 2003
When I woke up this morning Reita was already up and was making breakfast. He kept asking me whether or not I needed anything while I waited. If I wanted to watch TV, or even if I wanted to go back to sleep. He was getting to the point of almost erratic and fearful that he may do something wrong already.
'Do you want cream with or your coffee?' Reita had quickly shook his head. 'Or maybe sugar? I know you like your coffee black but-'
'Cream's fine,' I had answered back distantly. Reita gave a frail smile and stiffly bowed with the nod of his head.
Reita had never been this submissive at all, always dominate. But now it seemed as if the roles were completely flipped. It made me wonder how he would have coped if I hadn't taken him back. Part of me had wanted to, just to see how he would shatter, but I decided to wait it out. See if he really was telling the truth. The other part of me doesn't want to let the so many years go to waste.
Let's wait this out together though shall we?
- Your's
Ruki
Ruki sat at the table patiently as Reita put the plates on the table with trembling hands. The other then quickly sat down across from him and watched anxiously for the man to take his first bite. Ruki sighed carefully chewed the mediocre food.
"How is it?" Reita asked quietly. He looked up again to see the other still chewing. "I-if it's bad I can make something else, o-or would you like me to go buy something-"
"No," Ruki shook his head as he stabbed his fork into the slightly runny scrambled eggs. "It's good," he said and took another bite with a smile for emphasis.
Reita gave a shaky nod and his own weak smile back before picking up his utensils to eat too.
I broke him, Ruki thought to himself as he continued to watch the other throughout the morning. Just like how he broke me, just… in different ways… he continued to watch as the man left the apartment stating that he was going to buy some things and would be back by six.
He got his phone from the coffee table as it vibrated. He smiled as he saw it was from his longtime friend Aoi.
[Wanna hang out today?]
He looked back towards the door where Reita had gone out. Usually a day out with Aoi meant getting back at almost one in the morning. But Reita had said that he would be back at six.
He also said he would never cheat on me…
His thumbs began to move across the touchscreen in agreement to the day out. He could use a day with someone he trusted.
"It's an eye for an eye Reita," he said as he slung his jacket over his shoulder and left the apartment.
- -
"Dude, he really did that?" Aoi asked in disbelief as they sat at the bar of a small local pub.
Ruki nodded solemnly and took another swig of his beer.
"What a douche…" his friend muttered. "And with Uruha of all people."
A small bout of laughter passed over the shorter man's lips at the remark. His friend had always thought that Uruha was too 'girly' to be a man. "Eh," he said nonchalantly. "I gave him another chance. See what happens."
Aoi looked at him in surprise. "You're still with him?"
Ruki sighed. "Yeah, I'm not really sure why though. He may have broke down and begged but anyone can fake a tear."
The two carried on into a different discussion for the next few hours only stopping when Aoi suddenly popped his head up. "Hey dude it'll be your birthday in a few minutes. Look!"
Ruki looked to the fluorescent neon clock on the wall to see it only five minutes till midnight. He turned to the other. "Want to count it down together?"
Aoi laughed and nodded in agreement before calling the waiter over for two shots of whiskey.
- -
Reita sat alone at the dining room table. There atop sat a small cake, candles lit and nearly burnt to their ends. The small flames illuminated the man's face, reflecting of his eyes and tears. He had gone out to that day to buy his love his birthday cake, but when he had got home the apartment was empty. The other's things were still there but that wasn't what Reita wanted. He wanted Ruki. No one else.
His eyes flitted over to the clock to see it turn to midnight.
"Happy birthday to you…" he sang quietly with his throat closed tight from crying into the empty apartment. "H-appy birthday to you…" a single tear broke free from his left eye, making its way down his face to catch on the corner of his lip. The salty taste spread over his tongue as he struggled to go onto the next line. "Happy birthday to Ruki… happy birthday to you…" he ended the song before whispering and blowing out the candles. "Happy birthday Ruki."
He trembled from heartbreak as he slowly walked to his room, falling onto the bed without changing and curled up soaking the pillow with his tears.
- -
AN: Well, it's official. I can't write a happy oneshot or hell even a twoshot. Always have to be depressing. What's wrong with me?! D: Also, I'm not sure if I want this to be a two or three parter but we'll see.
Anywayz, feel free to tell me what you think! (^^")