[tiv] Paramore lyrics
I’ve got a tight grip on reality, but I can’t let go of what’s in front of me.
Working with Castle again was like slipping on an old pair of jeans.
They fit in all the right places, and she was surprised as to how quickly they managed to fall back into their usual routine. The bets, the bickering, all of it-she hadn’t wanted it to be easy. She wanted it to be hard. She wanted to be able to say that she didn’t need him in the end. She wanted to say that solving a case without him was cake, and didn’t make her feel like something was missing every time she did it.
She spent an entire summer, sitting at her desk and wondering what he was off doing with Gina. Gina his ex-wife, Gina who had a hell of a lot more history with him than she did. She would have loved to tell herself that she was better off without him. She would have loved to have had a summer where she was happy with things going well, but she had spent the summer alone. She had left Tom to try and make something of this thing that sat between her and Castle, but maybe it didn’t sit between them after all. Maybe it was just something that Beckett had to carry on her own until she was ready to throw it away.
She had thought that she was ready to throw it away.
Then he wanted to be her partner again. He wanted to be in her space, day in and day out. He wanted to sit on the corner of her desk and regale her with tangent after tangent until he finally got to the point and the point would be good. Or the point would be a complete crock. Either way, it meant that he was there, buying her coffee and getting into trouble, and making her want to kill him, and for some reason it made her happier than she had been in the four long months between then and now. That thing suddenly became important again. Her fingers curled around the edges, pulling it back into her chest and stashing it away, just in case maybe, one day, it might be an issue again.
“So. How long before Castle did you know this was about counterfeiting?”
Maybe it did make her weak. Maybe it made her masochist. Maybe she’s just asking for more hurt as things go, but none of that really mattered. Having Castle around made her a better cop and got cases closed, and if asked, that is what she would say. It had nothing to do with her, or her feelings for him. It was strictly business, through and through.
But it really didn’t hurt that she still loved that old pair of jeans.
459 words
Working with Castle again was like slipping on an old pair of jeans.
They fit in all the right places, and she was surprised as to how quickly they managed to fall back into their usual routine. The bets, the bickering, all of it-she hadn’t wanted it to be easy. She wanted it to be hard. She wanted to be able to say that she didn’t need him in the end. She wanted to say that solving a case without him was cake, and didn’t make her feel like something was missing every time she did it.
She spent an entire summer, sitting at her desk and wondering what he was off doing with Gina. Gina his ex-wife, Gina who had a hell of a lot more history with him than she did. She would have loved to tell herself that she was better off without him. She would have loved to have had a summer where she was happy with things going well, but she had spent the summer alone. She had left Tom to try and make something of this thing that sat between her and Castle, but maybe it didn’t sit between them after all. Maybe it was just something that Beckett had to carry on her own until she was ready to throw it away.
She had thought that she was ready to throw it away.
Then he wanted to be her partner again. He wanted to be in her space, day in and day out. He wanted to sit on the corner of her desk and regale her with tangent after tangent until he finally got to the point and the point would be good. Or the point would be a complete crock. Either way, it meant that he was there, buying her coffee and getting into trouble, and making her want to kill him, and for some reason it made her happier than she had been in the four long months between then and now. That thing suddenly became important again. Her fingers curled around the edges, pulling it back into her chest and stashing it away, just in case maybe, one day, it might be an issue again.
“So. How long before Castle did you know this was about counterfeiting?”
Maybe it did make her weak. Maybe it made her masochist. Maybe she’s just asking for more hurt as things go, but none of that really mattered. Having Castle around made her a better cop and got cases closed, and if asked, that is what she would say. It had nothing to do with her, or her feelings for him. It was strictly business, through and through.
But it really didn’t hurt that she still loved that old pair of jeans.
459 words