If I Could Find a Way to See This Straight, I'd Run Away...
“Karofsky was bullied to the point where he saw no other way out. You had one bad day. Get over it.”
I saw so many Tumblr posts in this vein referring to Mr. Schue’s story on Glee last night. I never thought I’d be the one to defend Will Schuester, but I guess there’s a first time for everything.
Way to completely miss the point. Yes, his response was drastic, but do you think it felt like it at the time? If you’ve never felt that kind of hopelessness, the horrible sensation in the pit of your stomach when you know you’ve fucked up and you can’t see how you’ll ever be able to fix it and you don’t think you can face the disappointment that you know is coming…well, consider yourself lucky. Will’s story is the ultimate example of “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem,” but at the time, that problem can feel anything but temporary.
The point he was trying to make with that story is, as he said: “Everyone has something that might take them up to that edge.” I’m not sure if I agree with that-I’m sure there are people out there who wouldn’t take their own life, no matter how bad things got-but I would be amazed if anyone managed to get through life without entertaining the notion at least once.
For some of us, the notion isn’t enough. Even when we know, rationally, that it would be a stupid thing to do, that there are people who love us, that things will get better, maybe sooner, maybe later-that edge is always there, tempting us.
The desperation Karofsky felt before his suicide attempt, the thought that there was no other way out-it’s not just people who are bullied relentlessly who feel this way. There are so many things that can, that do go wrong on a daily basis, and sure, most of the time we can deal with it. Work through it. Get past it. But sometimes it’s too much, and maybe someone will start to wonder if maybe there’s an easier way. A way out.
I’m not in any way trying to lessen the gravity of Karofsky’s situation, because no one, no one, should have to face that kind of torment, and LGBT suicide is a huge problem, and I thought Glee handled it well and hopefully opened some eyes. I’m just trying to say that one person’s reason for walking to that edge isn’t “better” or more “valid” than anyone else’s. If you’ve never been there, you don’t know how it feels. And what are you achieving by shaming someone for something like this? Something that legitimately could have been a life or death situation?
I…have a lot more I could say about this, but I feel like I’m already getting incoherent, so I’m just going to leave this as is. Just figured I should get this out after being up half the night thinking about it.
I feel like a bit of a hypocrite posting these numbers, but I really hope if any of you are in a place where you think you might be a danger to yourself, no matter the reason, you’ll reach out to someone. I love y’all.
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Trevor Project: 866-488-7386