FanFic: Have and Withhold 1c
They were mucking about with Patronus charms in their dorm room. Prongs was still the only one able to steadily produce a corporeal Patronus, but it couldn’t touch anything let alone pick it up. Padfoot’s falcon didn’t want to play.
“I don’t know how he does it,” Padfoot said dejectedly. His next attempt was a feeble will-o-the-wisp. Padfoot looked at the advanced textbook and tried to form a Patronus specifically to ask Regulus to teach him.
The falcon sped from his wand, through the window and down, around the castle to Slytherin’s dungeon dormitory. The iridescent grim bounded in soon after, with a rabble of Gryffindors behind it.
“The purpose is in the Patronus,” Regulus informed them.
“Be specific,” Padfoot said irritably, as though Patronus communication was not one-way.
“In what regard?” The Patronus cocked its head, also oblivious to the confines of its casting. “Snuffles is produced with a purpose in mind. Do you merely say the words while thinking happy thoughts and hope for a result?” Regulus’ laughter did not suit the canine features. The Patronus snapped out of existence.
“That’s what all the textbooks say to do,” Wormtail grumbled, nudging the pages with his wand.
“That wasn’t a dog ghost?” asked a disappointed first year.
“No,” said Lily, ushering out all but the Marauders. “Study more and you’ll be able to tell the difference.” She remained inside to close the doors behind the intruders. “What was that?” she asked quietly. “I’ve seen it all over school lately and assumed it was a ghost dog too.”
Prongs explained what it was, why it was unusual, and that they were trying to replicate the phenomenon. Lily looked at the tourmaline that Sirius never took off.
“Petunia’s afraid of any gift I try giving her, even if she sees me buy it from a Muggle shop with our parents there too. “What have you done to it?” as though I’ve cursed it to hurt her. My older sister used to watch out for me and boss me around. Now she avoids me and flinches whenever I move. I prepare a pot of tea for family breakfast and Tuni makes her own because she believes I’m brewing mind-control potions not just tea. Tuni enjoyed my magic when we were little. Now everything I do for her must be something evil I’m trying to do to her.”
“Regulus and I still have moments like that,” Sirius admitted to Lily, “and we’re both capable of magic.” Sirius sat cross-legged on the corner of his bed. Lily unwittingly sat on the adjacent corner of the bed James used. James probably came close to spunking. “I moved out for both our sakes. We have more in common with your former best friend than you do, which is how Snivellus and I know what harsh things to say to get in the other’s ear. The damage Snivellus and I can inflict is nothing to the cruelty between me and Regulus. We haven’t fixed what’s wrong between us, just presently ignore it because addressing it so far made everything worse.” Sirius uncrossed his legs so one foot touched the floor. He hooked one thumb beneath his tourmaline chain to raise it. “The same brother who created this and uses a Patronus to invite me to see hippogriff hatchlings in the middle of the night, aspires to receive the Dark Mark. Two years ago, his career goals involved trekking the globe with Xenophilius Lovegood to update Scamander’s Fantastic Beasts and compile a Beings edition. Now he wants to become a Death Eater and subjugate Muggles, Muggleborns, and half-bloods with the same wand that transfigured this.” Sirius paused; eyes locked on Lily’s. “It’s probable that your sister hates magic because it divides you. Petunia takes it out on you because she can’t take it out on magic.”
“That sounds plausible. I’ll try to be more patient with her. Thanks Black.”
~~~
Regulus noticed the cumulative positive effects of the tourmaline Sirius wore so proudly. Sirius was less obnoxious, less sullen, and flirted outrageously with everyone he encountered-most vigorously with those he mutually detested. He did not flirt with Regulus. Regulus’ ego was hurt but his soul was content.
Almost content. Barty Crouch kept sniffing around like a niffler. Ignoring Crouch and telling him to bog off achieved nothing. Regulus feigned encouragement, hoping that would make the vile turd lose interest. It did not. Regulus studied nonverbal hexes and anonymously attacked Crouch at random. The little deviant climaxed in his robes after the worst one Regulus dare use. Regulus gave up.
“Kill me now,” he groaned quietly beside Xeno in the library, draped across the large study table in despair. Xeno and Regulus had other non-mutual friends who were not fond of studying or anything vaguely resembling intellectual pursuits. These separate groups of friends assumed Lovegood and Black were merely being a pair of soul-nerds, as Black’s older brother described them, so left them alone to prevent incidental education whenever they chose to be together. “Bartemius Creep is obviously addicted to rejection. Why won’t he overdose on it and die?” Regulus pleaded with his face pressed against the wood of the desk.
“Barmy likes that you’re serious, studious, familiar with the Dark Arts, and related to a Death Eater. Try behaving like a nincompoop,” Xeno suggested without stilling his quill. Without raising his head, Regulus turned with an expression as blankly unforgiving as stone. “Or endure his crush,” Xeno muttered then turned the page of the tome he was referencing. He lowered his quill to mark his place, folded his hands on the desk, and leaned closer to Regulus to quietly ask “What is it you find so irresistibly appealing about-?”
Regulus sat up. “If we knew we could change it,” he replied gruffly.
Xeno shrugged. “Barmy Creep experiences the same phenomenon, except his target is you.”
“I’m tempted to introduce him to cousin Bella so she can devour him whole. Although she is more likely to make him her apprentice than plaything. Her sister is scheduled to marry a Mudblood soon.”
“Narcissa?”
“Andromeda. Cissy is presently accepting that Malfoy chap’s advances to stop her parents and ours arranging a marriage between her and Sirius to keep the blood line pure now he’s of age. Utterly disgusting.”
Xeno stared at his closest friend. Regulus continued, oblivious.
“Sirius need a suitable witch to marry and procreate with. Any potential candidates in Ravenlcaw?” Regulus asked.
“Presently all half-bloods, Muggleborns, or featuring those a generation or two back, so no-one you’d approve of.”
“There’s time yet, and plenty of eligible purebloods outside Britain.”
Xeno stared sharply at Regulus. He’d given up on telling Regulus that prejudice against Muggles was racism. Regulus staunchly believed bringing Muggle blood into the gene pool corrupted and upset the natural balance of magic cultivated by intermarrying purebloods.
“Your family’s multigenerational pureblood mania is the most likely root of your fraternal problem. Even your wands are connected in a creepy way. The Patronus you send me never behave like those sent to Sirius.”
“They never need to.”
“Thankfully you’re both male, or the Blacks will go the way of the Gaunts!”
Regulus ignited the hem of Xeno’s sleeve then helped him extinguish the flames. “I’d have confided in Severus rather than you if the situation would benefit from snide accusations and grotesque insinuation. Another remark like that and you’ll regret we were ever friends.”
Xeno slammed the reference tome shut on his quill as he stood. “You know what Barty Crouch II sees in you, Regulus Arcturus Black? A fellow deviant!” He leaned down to pick up the heavy book and lowered his voice. “You don’t seek to destroy the filthy bond between you and your brother. You seek permission to act on it.” He turned back after stepping away from the table. “Forget we’ve been friends, Regulus. I intend to. All gifts you’ve bestowed will be returned during summer.”
Xenophilis was through with giving Regulus Black the benefit of doubt. Regulus was too arrogant to change for anything but the worse.
~~~
Regulus dedicated himself to being a model student on school grounds while inspiring others to vandalism and degeneracy with carefully delivered, seemingly casual remarks. Barty Crouch Jr interpreted and performed each task with greater enthusiasm and detail than the eager Slytherins.
“Similar to the way Prongs comes up with stuff based on what you say,” Wormtail said to Sirius in their dorm.
“The one glaring difference being that Crouchy Bart wants to lick Regulus all over. Prongs does not…” Sirius deliberately left the rest unsaid. Moony and Wormtail joined him in staring aghast at Prongs. Prongs pegged the golden snitch that lived in his hand at Sirius’ head. All four Marauders laughed.
“Did younger Black actually set fire to Lovegood in the library?” Prongs asked Moony. Moony nodded. “What is going on with you pair?” Prong asked Sirius. “Your brother was Lovegood’s staunchest supporter. Not even the slimiest Slytherins bullied Xeno while they were friends. Now Regulus is into being a cult leader and you…”
“Me what?” Sirius demanded when Prongs fell silent.
“Snape and Moony,” Prongs said quietly but with emphasis. “I hate Snivellus more than you do and even I wouldn’t-”
“Discussing motivation for that defeats the purpose of attempting to destroy the evidence. Moony is not the evidence to which I allude. It’s horrific enough that I involved Moony like that without revealing the worse thing doing that was an attempt to conceal.”
“What could be worse?” Wormtail declared.
“If Padfoot says it’s worse, then it’s worse,” Moony said to Wormtail and Prongs. “I’d rather not know anything worse. Especially not something that prompts someone to set fire to their best friend’s clothes.”
“Do you know?” Sirius asked Moony quietly during a rare moment alone.
“I hope not,” Moony said sympathetically.
Sirius scratched one shoulder and frowned at the bedpost between them. “Has it been obvious?” he asked and dared a glance at Remus.
“No, which is why I didn’t know until you just confirmed it.”
“Nothing happened,” Sirius said with a stiff jaw.
“I believe that. I haven’t voiced my suspicions to Wormtail or Prongs,” Remus assured him. “Is that why you moved out, to put distance between you? It had the opposite effect. He never interacted with you at school before.”
“Our father hadn’t died before. Regulus saw my grief and reached out. Don’t turn the purest thing he’s done into something disgusting. This is entirely separate. Regulus is still grieving since he admired Orion and attended the funeral. The dignified student persistently overlooked because our parents were too busy ranting about the disappointing Gryffindor detentionaire. Regulus has always been everything they insisted I be, and they ignored him. Buying my books for First Year at Flourish and Blotts - they forgot him there! I had to remind them then they sent me to go back for him! The only living thing in that house that appreciates him is that horrible fucking House Elf!” Sirius flung his arm out in a random direction to indicate the family townhouse. “Don’t make the mistake Snape made and assume we want this, Remus, because we don’t! We don’t,” Sirius repeated mournfully. “I’d rather be a werewolf too,” he added in allusion to the conversation he’d overheard a year ago.
~~~
Wormtail scrabbled through the rathole he’d made beneath his bed, between the walls, and into a cupboard of the nearest classroom, where Prongs let him out so he could return to Peter shape and tell Prongs what he could remember of everything he’d heard.
“Sirius has a thing going on with Regulus, not Remus like we thought?” Prongs asked sternly. “You’re sure about that?”
“More certain about that than the length of my tail!” Peter declared. “That doesn’t mean he hasn’t been checking Moony out when it seems he has been.” He watched Prongs stare at the wall. “What do we do?” Peter asked meekly. He didn’t want to side with Sirius, particularly if James decided to treat Sirius as abhorrently as they did Severus, but Remus had chosen to support Sirius despite the degeneracy and Remus was Peter’s dearest friend.
Prongs turned to Peter. “We do nothing. We’ve only a few months of school left. Out of sight, out of mind, and all that.”
“I thought it’d be that favourite uncle he always bangs on about, not his bro-”
“Behave as normal,” Prongs cut Peter off with a threatening grunt. “Mentioning it, even among ourselves, keeps it alive. We’ll need to keep Moony muzzled on the subject,” he said with authority.
Bossy shit, thought Peter. Aloud he asked, “Where have we been, if they ask?” because James Potter liked being in charge. Inability to control how Sirius behaved with Regulus or Remus must thoroughly piss Prongs off.
~~~
Regulus disassociated himself from the destructive sycophants who’d flocked to him, who happily carried on and expanded their repertoire of criminality without him. Bella had taken interest in his activities and came to Hogsmeade station escort him home for Easter. Creepy Crouch was immediately enthralled by her and constantly sought Regulus to talk about her. He would not go away!
Sirius earned detention for using an adhering charm to pin Barmy Barty to a wall. Watching Crouch shimmy out of his school robes kept four class groups entertained for several minutes.
Crouch retaliated publicly with a hex so nasty that Snape would hesitate to use it against Potter.
Regulus avoided detention by reaping his vengeance during the end of school year train ride to King’s Cross. Using his wand to open every compartment door upon entering a carriage, he sent Snuffles ahead to seek his target. This was not his usual silver and happily playful Snuffles, but a dark, stealthy, Grim. Snuffles glanced into each compartment and passed by until he entered the middle compartment of the fourth carriage. “BARTEMIUS CROUCH” Regulus heard the name boom doomfully in his voice. Students stumbled over themselves to leave the compartment Snuffles had entered. Regulus didn’t do anything, didn’t bother raising his wand or opening his mouth, simply stepped through the door then stood there in glowering silence. Crouch’s bladder emptied from fear. Regulus turned away from him, called Snuffles to heal with a soft finger click, gave his Grim messenger a pat on the head, then left the carriage. It was pure showmanship, around which rumour built a formidable reputation that Regulus exploited until the Dark Lord sought a direct introduction. Only Crouch knew the truth and had more to lose by revealing it before he left Hogwarts to join the Death Eaters soon after Regulus.
Son of the highest ranked Magical Law Enforcement officer, the younger Barty Crouch was soon the vilest, cruellest, and most obedient Death Eater. Bella hated as well as adored him, considering her youngest cousin a disappointment and Barmy Squat stopped obsessing over Regulus because Regulus refused to perform Unforgiveable Curses or commit murder, even indirectly. Spilling magical blood defeated the purpose of the fight and he wanted his soul intact in case reincarnation was not a myth. Then, perhaps, he might have the chance to be with Sirius as a lover, with bodies that weren’t related. Part of him knew that was stupid and juvenile, but he needed a reason for why they were drawn together. Even now, deliberately taking opposing sides in the war, disagreeing about what defined freedom, they enquired after the other’s safety each time a death or destruction was reported. Patronus Snuffles was no longer sharply defined, becoming weak and indistinct as though from overuse. Regulus understood the correlation between changes in his perception of magic and the magic he performed. He’d never needed a joyous memory to produce Snuffles because producing Snuffles was joyful itself. Now he relied on the memory of producing Snuffles to create him and the results were mere shadows. His brother’s Patronus now matched his Animagus form and exhibited textbook behaviour. Regulus believed that meant Sirius, like Crouch, had outgrown his crush.
Almost everything about the Dark Lord was false. The once captivating flash of red in the Dark Lord’s irises became permanent and disturbing. His brown hair was thinning, and not in a typical pattern. His movement gave Regulus the creeps, though Regulus could not identify why. It was graceful yet instinctively wrong. The more Regulus tried to avoid the Dark Lord’s presence, the more frequently he was summoned to directly receive instruction or report.
Cousin Narcissa paid Regulus a visit at the townhouse in the hours before a particular meeting. “Tread carefully. Lucius as been instructed to assess your loyalty.”
“To whom?” Regulus asked.
“I, too, suspect that our community s being manipulated to serve the Dark Lord’s vanity rather than secure our freedom and assert dominance.” Cissy’s touch was more maternal than any gesture Walburga bestowed on either son. “Such unique potential stifled and squandered so you cannot exceed him. They mock your refusal to perform Unforgiveables because they have come to rely on those foul spells. Obey as strictly as you can without crossing those boundaries. Continue to observe and analyse. Break off all correspondence with Sirius. The cherished love between my sisters does not extend to who we are as adults. Sirius has chosen a Mudblood lover, a bitter sycophantic dullard, and a werewolf over you.”
“Our correspondence consists of nothing beyond “Are you dead?””
“The Dark Lord will believe that?”
“If he intercepts it directly. Sirius and I aren’t foolish enough to trust each other. Although he naively trusts those friends you mentioned.”
“Why would his little gang betray him?”
“Potter prioritises the Mudblood above all; Lupin is enslaved by the moon; and Pettigrew will eventually comprehend that he would never have been included if he hadn’t been sharing their dorm. If not for Pettigrew, Severus would either be dead or a werewolf, Lupin would be dead, and Sirius in Azkaban. The Wormtail will turn.”
Cissy had no response.
“Will you marry Lucius?” Regulus asked.
“He is the least abhorrent option.”
“Least abhorrent wealthy option.”
“Fiscal security is not his sole advantage. Unlike my siblings and cousins, I am not prone to rash decisions,” Cissy said, gesturing to the Dark Mark of Regulus’ forearm.
“He tells the lies we most want to believe,” said Regulus.
“Doesn’t everyone?”
Regulus gave serious thought to the question meant in teasing. “Not Kreacher, and not Xenophilius.”
“Lovegood? Didn’t that friendship fracture two years ago?”
“Xenophilius spoke the one truth I never wanted to hear. I will easily overcome my aversion to torture should he come to harm. Warn Lucius that we are all simpering fools from the Dark Lord’s perspective. The blatant favour shown to Severus is laced with cruelty.”
“You speak boldly.”
“If you did not believe similarly, you would not be here.”
~~~
It took every thread of willpower to not approach Regulus or praise him for the nonviolent action he deployed against Bartemius Crouch Minor. Sirius was stupidly proud.
“He’d have made a better Marauder than Wormtail if he hadn’t been sorted a Slytherin,” Sirius told James. Remus almost said something. James didn’t notice. He had no reason to observe Remus as closely as Sirius did. Sirius made sure not to mention his brother after that, except to rant angrily after being told Regulus had been successfully recruited by Death Eaters.
“Assumed you pair weren’t close,” Alastor Moody said without apology for relaying the news during an Order of the Phoenix meeting. “Wouldn’t have gloated about identifying the little weasel had I suspected you gave a knarl’s arse.”
“We aren’t! That doesn’t give him the right to be a complete idiot! Why didn’t you bring him in?”
“Baby brother was the only Death Eater not intent on killing people. Bringing him in would make them suspect he works for us, and get him killed. Feigning ignorance gives him a chance to come to us of his own accord-unless they kill him for not killing others. I’ve been an Auror long enough to pick a Dark Artist from a naïve young dufus, and your brother is definitely the latter. That younger wizard running about with him is a monster, though. Like to get that one identified and shunted off to Azkaban.”
Sirius suggested Moody keep an eye on Xeno Lovegood. “If your instincts are correct, Xeno will be my brother’s first port of call.”
“They haven’t been friends for more than a year,” James stated the commonly known fact as though only he knew it.
“Xeno is the person Regulus has respected most since they were nine. Zinnia Lovegood was buying her OWL texts in Flourish and Blotts, my parents were buying my first-year set, our younger brothers headed directly to the Magical Beasts and Beings section and immediately hit it off. They were so busy talking and reading that Regulus never noticed I’d come back to fetch him because our parents left him behind. Xeno was the only friend Regulus brought home. He was allowed back every year because he was a pureblood, and they were top two in every subject. They spent two-thirds of every holiday session together.” Sirius had spent those two-thirds with the Potters and the remaining time at home doing his best to avoid Kreacher and his parents without neglecting Regulus. Their friends had become more like brothers and the brothers had become more like strangers.
Walburga had been reluctant to spend money on Regulus and would have insisted he use Sirius’ old uniforms and books if that wouldn’t give others the impression that the family was impoverished. Regulus used the new books at home and in the classroom, and lent them to his classmates, but studied from the old ones so he could read the margins and extra notes. He’d tease Sirius about some of the jotted conversations between Sirius and James. Xeno was the only friend with whom Regulus shared those books. They enjoyed their academic rivalry and pushed each other to excel. Regulus took everything seriously and to heart. Sirius relentlessly teased him about that, then respected and admired him for it.
Not mentioning Regulus did not equate to not missing him.
Every other aspect of Sirius Orion Black’s life was comfortably happy. His friendship circle had expanded now he and James were no longer twats. An inheritance from his bachelor uncle Aplhard allowed him to buy a home and be financially secure while training to be an Auror with James. He’d go out with his friends and occasionally flirt with the idea of more than flirting with someone, but in the end never did. Although he’d never do any of that with Regulus, the thought of being with someone other felt like a soul-deep betrayal. His fellow Marauders thought he’d become a stud. Sirius did not correct their misperception.
His Patronus changed, becoming a copy of the Grim that pounced on his bed to excitedly exclaim “Hippogriffs!” since that was the memory Sirius used to conjure it. It didn’t behave like his original one, or like his brother’s. His brother’s Patronus no longer behave the same, either, becoming weaker yet sterner with every question of or response to “Are you dead?”
Then came a time Sirius received no reply.
~~~
The crack of apparition and frantic scratch at the bedroom door were not characteristic to Kreacher. Regulus held his wand at the ready as he opened the door at the sound of a canine whimper. The Grim form of his brother entered and shifted to stand as Sirius. Regulus rapidly closed and magically locked his door. Sirius wrapped himself around Regulus and gruffly scolded him at low volume.
“You didn’t respond.”
Regulus could not allow himself to feel safe in that embrace, held firmly to his brother’s chest. “Kreacher and Walburga are downstairs. Either could come up at any moment. Stop seeking and sending-”
“Stop? You started by seeking companionship, sending gifts-”
“You didn’t have to accept,” Regulus said bluntly.
“You’re blaming me? I left!”
“Yet here you are! If I do leave the Dark Lord’s service, I will not go to you. Nor Xenophilius. Seeking sanctuary will jeopardise any who grant it.”
“You’re going to run?”
“From you as much as Death Eaters. Now leave. Do not return. Solemnly swear.”
“That child’s magic isn’t binding anymore. I’ll leave once you explain why.” Sirius gestured to the Dark Mark.
“I was gullible and believed the Dark Lord’s deceptions. His goal is to elevate himself, not liberate the magical community. Ensure Lupin avoids the werewolves connected with Fenrir Greyback. Greyback is the creature that attacked Lupin as a child. A deliberate attack. He is the staunchest, blindest believer in the Dark Lord’s promises. His pack is a cult within a cult. They position themselves near humans on the cusp of the moon. Those that survive being mauled are brought into the pack. The humans are not always Muggles, and while the Dark Lord forbids them from attacking Purebloods, he wields them as a threat against children of those who cross him. The Dark Lord intends to recruit you and manipulate the friction between you and Severus until you’re both capable of committing the worst atrocities. Severus wants you dead, after you’ve been manipulated into disposing of Potter.” Regulus realised he hadn’t properly left his brother’s embrace, merely made it loose and gentle rather than fiercely possessive. He placed his hands on his brother’s chest, wanting to spread them up the sides of Sirius’ neck to either frame his face or grasp his hair and…
They stepped back simultaneously, lowering their arms to their sides, fingers twitching for contact.
“Don’t die,” Sirius said firmly. “Don’t kill anyone except to save yourself.”
“For what purpose?” Regulus demanded. “We cannot be together. Only Kreacher would miss me! You are not allowed to, I forbid it.”
Sirius had the audacity to laugh. “That has never been the power you hold over me. You can only forbid that which I forbid myself. That you forbid yourself,” Sirius added solemnly. “I’ve ascertained you are alive and not someone using Polyjuice to impersonate you, so goodbye. In case one of us does die, translate my parting words into that forbidden phrase.” Sirius handed Regulus the tourmaline links. “Stay safe little brother,” he said and apparated away before Regulus could reply or decline the gift.
Regulus was tempted to wear it, to feel the lingering warmth from Sirius against his skin, which was why he did not. He crossed the landing and looped the stone chain around a bed knob of his brother’s bed. It would be there for Sirius when Regulus could not.
~~~
“Do not ask whether I love you, for you know I do yet cannot,” the wispy remnant of Snuffles whispered at his ear during the night.
Sirius opened his eyes in time to see the Patronus disintegrate. Snuffles had been nothing beyond vague light and sound for months. Seeing Regulus proved his brother’s inner vitality had faded. Sirius crossed the line by embracing Regulus. Sirius should have immediately spirited Regulus away and then engaged in conversation somewhere safe. They’d embraced too long. Not long enough. Their relief and affection had become overwhelmed by yearning and revulsion at the yearning. Regulus had always been more successful at resisting yet proved susceptible to the lure of Death Eater propaganda. Perhaps Regulus used all his willpower defying Sirius, leaving none to withstand other threats.
“You know I do, yet cannot,” Sirius murmured toward the ceiling with both arms crossed over his face despite being alone in the dark. It was precisely what their expression said as they simultaneously broke their embrace. The moment before that, Sirius believed Regulus would kiss him. Then Sirius could respond. Instigating would make Sirius a predator. The memory of ‘what nearly but did not’ would leave Sirius balancing on the cusp of despair and peace for the rest of his life.
~~~
Regulus had seen Lupin’s wolf once, crossing the Hogwarts quidditch pitch in company of a grand white hart and a very familiar Grim on their way to the Forbidden Forest. His excuse for being out on his broom at night, if confronted by a staff member, was to practice flying in situations with reduced visibility. Sirius had yet to leave home. They’d waited until term ended and they’d reached their top landing to confront each other, simultaneously snarling “What were you thinking?!” in low voices.
“Me?” Sirius had demanded quietly. “I was perfectly canine and safe. You, however, could have been mauled or killed. You absolute idiot!”
“Lycanthropes fly, do they?”
“You could have fallen…”
“Or been snacked on by a Thestral, collided with a Centaur,” Regulus added mockingly.
“Every magical creature in that forest fears Remus.”
“Even the werewolves who don’t phase?”
“Those are a myth! Your obsession with Remus-”
“My obsession? I am not the one who becomes a Grim so he can fu-”
Sirius clamped his hand over Regulus’ mouth and pushed Regulus into the smaller bedroom then closed the door with his foot while growling near Regulus’ ear. “Keeping Remus company is why I become the Grim at school. I become the Grim at home to avoid wanting to fuck you, idiot.” Sirius shoved Regulus on the face and shoulder before reaching for his wand as he backed away. Regulus had been surprised to hear Sirius say “Obliviate.” The charm hadn’t taken long to wear off, which was why Regulus still remembered it years later. Sirius’ second attempt had been marginally more effective. He cared too much to delve deep enough. Regulus had tried extracting those and similar memories, but the underlying emotion always rose to the surface and created more repetitions of the same realisations and revelations, so in the end they just lived with it separately.
Regulus reflected on these things while fashioning the locket to replace the Horcrux Kreacher described. Sirius had done his best to protect them. It was stronger than they, whether they worked against it individually or together.
Once the replica locket met with Kreacher’s approval, Regulus placed the precisely note inside. “Stay out of Sirius’ room unless Sirius tells you to go in. It is not safe for Kreacher to go into Master Sirius’ room without permission from Master Regulus or Master Sirius, so Kreacher must not.” Regulus had issued the same command after Sirius left to live with Potter. He repeated it to keep Kreacher out of his room, too. “Refresh the barrier charms to keep Doxies and other pests out of both rooms, but do not take anything. Once we are in the cavern, Master Regulus will drink the potion. Kreacher will not drink the potion because Kreacher will bring the Dark Lord’s locket home and destroy it. Kreacher must leave Master Regulus in the lake. Do not return to the cavern or the beach. Do not tell Mistress Walburga or anyone else where I have gone and what we have done. If asked, Kreacher must respond with “I know not” or phrases to that effect. Kreacher is a Loyal Elf. Master Regulus trusts Kreacher with his secrets and with these tasks.” Regulus repeated the instructions in different ways to ensure Kreacher had to obey and protect himself from harm. He was tempted to send Sirius a final farewell Patronus but had no happiness left to create one. Stern determination and knowledge that his actions were right did not equate to happiness.
Kreacher brought Regulus to the bleak cliffside beach. Regulus performed the blood magic to enter the cave and followed the procedures Kreacher described. Regulus repeated his instructions once more and then began drinking the potion…